my therapist asked me
Whats missing from your life?
I thought about this question for a long time after you asked me. And after days of racking my brain I still had not come up with an answer, that is until I was standing in line at Dunkin Donuts this morning waiting to order my coffee as I do nearly every morning. When there was an elderly couple in front of me, they were laughing with each other, and it made me smile. There I was being pessimistic because it was 7 in the morning and I was so overly tired and in a bad mood. But they were standing there as though there was no where in the world they would rather be. And I thought to myself I wonder what its been like, sharing a cup of coffee with the same person for that many years. And that’s when it dawned on me. I knew what was missing.
Seems like a pretty simple answer, huh? But I don’t necessarily mean love in the way youre probably thinking about it. I mean it in the simpliest of ways, in the “drive safely”, “text me when you make it home”, the “I hope youre doing okay”, or “have a good day”. I mean it in the sense of friendship, companionship, dependency, empathy, and affection. I mean love in every sense of the form. I mean It in the having someone to turn to on your darkets of days, or someone to share the brightest of ones with. I mean it in the singing in the passenger seat of your car kinda love, or the eat frozen yogurt and cry on your bad days.
But most importantly, the form of love I am missing, is self love. Many times I am so concerned with being there for others or trying to help everyone around me, bringing them up, that I forget about me too. i think that’s why i keep looking for people. because i’m looking for that love that’s missing from my life in someone else. and i keep being let down because no one is going to love me the way that i should love me. I wanna be so content within myself that I don’t look for these things in someone else anymore. I wanna sing in the car by myself, I wanna buy the elderly couples coffees and I wanna be okay knowing im going to drink mine by myself.