i think i got this confused with my emotions

Dear Journal,

Today i felt like a thousand pounds were lifted off my shoulders. I finally had someone to talk to. No more bottling up my emotions. Lily wanted to know everything! She really wants us together! After i finished writting yesterday, i got up from the corner of the bathroom where i was sitting and walked to our dorm. Peter was asleep, i think James was too. But Sirius was sitting beside the small window, looking outside. He looked lost. Or confused, i couldn’t tell. Was it because of what he smelled in the potion? Did he regret smelling things that reminded him of me? I slowly walked to my bed, trying not to scare him, but failled. He lighlty jumped and said “Oh Merlin Re, you scared me.” I apologized and walked to my bed. I removed my trousers and shirt to put on my pyjama. I had just put on my soft pyjama bottoms and couldn’t find my shirt. I searched in my well placed bed sheets but couldn’t find it. I turned around and my eyes meet Sirius’ grey eyes. He was staring at my bare back. When he saw that i caught him he coughed and looked around. “Have you seen my white shirt?” I whispered to him. “Huh… no.. sorry..” he responded. His cheeks were red. Sirius Orion Black was blushing. Blushing! I couldn’t help but slowly giggle at how cute he looked. He then pointed underneath my bed and said “there it is!”. I bent down and grabbed it. I put it on and entered my warm bed sheets, putting my head on the soft pillow, facing Sirius. “Are you alright? You look sad?” I asked. “Yeah.. yeah i’m good.. i just have a lot on my mind..” Was I part of the things on his mind? “ You know.. you can talk to me.” I told him. “Thanks Moons.. but i’m alright i just needed to think a bit.” I told him goodnight and turned around. After only a few moment i was asleep. I had a dream where Sirius asked me to marry him. You can laugh all you want, but it was a good dream. He was looking at me with pure love in his eyes. When i woke up this morning, i dressed and went to find Lily who was sitting in the common room. I told her what i saw during potions class. “Remus that’s great! I’m sure he has feelings for you! Awee my two friends are in loveeee!” She was glowing. I told her to quiet down because she was talking really loudly.

Today was the last day of the week. Tommorow me and the boys are going to Hogsmeade with Lily, Mary and Marlene. I’m excited for this.

I’ll write later.
- Remus
January 13th 1976

The After

A/N: This is very different from than anything I’ve ever done before. This was inspired by a drabble that I read called “Sieve” by ReadyMachine on AO3. After reading that I got the idea for this fic and started writing immediately. It’s taken me awhile to get up because it is much different from my other fics, but I hope it’ll be just as good. There will smut in this series per usual, so stay tuned for that lol. Kay, that’s all I got, I will be posting Part 2 of Wrong Loves My Company next. 

Warning: None, I think.

Word Count: 2632


Keep reading

I know I’m never gonna meet harry but we would honestly be so cute 

Is this DPDR?

Sorry I’m new to Tumblr and a little confused. I think I already asked this where you can post the questions, but this goes on the bkog, right?

Okay so I read about DPDR yesterday I believe it was. My memory is getting a lot worse even though it used to be pretty good.

Yep, my head is blank right now xD

Aaaah…

I used to remember information pretty well, but memories and connected emotions not so much. I also get really confused if things happened in my dreams or thoughts or reality. Everything is blurry right now. It’s freaking me out because my head doesn’t work anymore. When I list these ‘symptoms’ I can’t even remember specific events or anything but I’ve just got the feeling that it happened.

I remember one incident in class when I couldn’t move and I think I felt like I was watching myself. Other occasions my body just moves.

I just thought something but already forgot xD

I always think about what life actually is and if I exist of if everything is a dream and what the whole world and everything is and it’s scary and confusing.

I’ve also noticed that I keep staring at things and when I look away I have to look back. I don’t know why. Maybe to check is it’s still the same. Idk. It could be a regular tree or something but there’s always some weird feeling about it and I have to keep staring at it.

Well never mind. Sorry that it’s so long. I don’t know what this is and it’s really scary. I’m diagnosed with depression, anxiety and EDNOS. I have an appt next week to perhaps get a borderline diagnosis. But this is really bugging me and I might ask the doctor. What do you guys think? That would be my fifth diagnosis then, holy shit!

This very much sounds like DPDR, or maybe mild psychosis. I think you should definitely highlight your new symptoms to your doctor when you get the chance, theres always the possibility of getting new treatment for it! -Mod Ness
Sherlock Series 4 or War?

almost 2 months after this mess aired, I am still confused, disappointed, hurt and so so angry! But I think I can finally put my emotions into words so here they are:

pre-war time: Before S4 aired we were all so thrilled! Every little sneak peak we found or received, immediately got spread, reblogged and commented on. Some even metaed the sh*** out of it. The air was thick with excitement for something new, something we were sure would make history, something that had never been done before. We prepared, ready to move into battle!

war-time: Having waited for so long, we all threw ourselves head-first into battle. However, soon after we realized that this was not what we expected, were promised or hoping for. The battlefield was a mess, no one knew where we were, who was bad, whom to trust. The only thing that was left to do was to close your eyes and to hope you make it through! 

In between battles we collected the wounded and tried to nurse them as good as possible, feeling yourself like you wouldn’t make it through the next battle, but this tiny little hope for something better remained, making you walk into the next battle whatsoever. 

post-war time: Miraculously you made it! You made it through all 3 battles, Though, a huge part of you died out there on the field, you survived. But surviving was the easy part as it soon turned out. You’ve been left wounded to the core, betrayed and treated in a way which is against all humanity!

 The only task that is left to do now is to rebuild yourself and everything that got damaged in this pointless war. And most important to educate and alert the former generations so this does not happen again! 

Dear Charlie,

I just got back from my first therapy session in months. I still don’t whether it does more to hurt or to help. I feel as though my emotions have been rubbed raw and then laid out for all to see. I think therapy is the sandpaper of emotions. I’m confused. I’ve been trying to get on meds, to numb the emotions, but no doctor has helped. I hope this one does. I’ve been called a robot, emotionless, and cold. But, god, if those people knew how much I let out when I’m alone.

Regards,

S

I was a 12 year old child with clinical depression. 12 year old child. 12. And isn’t it funny that as I was developing into a teenager the first ever real emotion I felt was depressed? Sad, lost, scared, confused and highly unhappy with not just myself, but my life? I didn’t get to enjoy my first years of being a teen because I was so far into the depression, I didn’t let myself feel any type of joy. I still to this day don’t know how my depression ended up getting as bad as it got but honestly I think a big reason was that I was introduced to this new form of life in the complete wrong way and this generation has been focusing on life in the complete wrong way, but somehow I got myself out of that. Honestly? I’m proud of myself because being a teen can emotionally drain you, literally.
—  My 3am thoughts
“Control your emotions.”

I said this to myself today, walking to my supervision. Of course, merely telling myself I should control my feelings failed; I couldn’t master the ability to do so, and I ended up (embarrassingly) crying in front of my supervisor.

Today got me thinking about why we seem to favour a public presentation of ourselves as an unfeeling species, over that which we actually are: beings with the ability to not only think, but also feel, and to feel strongly for that matter.

Said to oneself in the midst of a tumult of confusion, anger, upset, hatred, happiness, ‘control your emotions’ favours the application of a façade, over honesty. Emotions have come to signify that which needs to be reigned in or concealed. In the midst of a brutal world, they have become a sign of weakness. Our metal, concrete and glass surroundings refuse to accommodate feelings; soft, mutable, blurring. And so the move to linguistically reinforce ourselves happens, in order to reassure ourselves that we are, in fact, ‘strong’ enough for this world. ‘Control your emotions’.  

But the outpour of emotions is empowering. It is impossible to navigate an emotional terrain, to pinpoint what exactly one is feeling at any given moment. As each second passes by, so does a different amalgamation of what we call ‘happiness,’ ‘sadness,’ ‘stress,’ etc. There is no way to ‘control’ our emotions, but we can release the tension caused by this psychological and physical conflict. It is upon this release of tension that we come to discover a break, a moment of blankness. It is then possible to think about how to deal with the situation presented. This isn’t a control of our emotions, but it is so much more effective than the attempt to do so.

Personally, this break comes in the form of crying, but it can come in many other ways. Showing our emotions is not weak, but is instead what defines us as human beings, as feeling beings; it is also something that keeps us sane. ‘Control your emotions’ becomes something said to oneself as a chastisement - it is a punishment that doesn’t invoke liberation, but constraint. And in a world of supposed autonomy, this naturally invites the need to ‘break out’ as it were. 

So, break out of this prison. Release yourself. Be human.

- Sarah 

an explanation/apology

I’m not expecting anyone to accept this, looking back on my behaviour last night and rereading all the bullshit I wrote, none of it makes any sense and I know I sound like a horrible opinionated asshole.

It was way past my bedtime, I was very tired and sick and grumpy about something unrelated but I shouldn’t have been on the internet because I know this kind of thing happens when I stay up late and what the original anon said hit me pretty hard, but I shouldn’t have let my emotions and irrational thinking get the better of me.
What upsets and confuses me is people who have absolutely no connection whatsoever to their ethnic background other than their bloodline and show no appreciation for the culture or people of that country, and yet despite this, feel the need to mention at every spare moment that they are 1/16 whatever nationality and that their uninformed opinion on something is therefore more valuable than that of someone who shares no blood with the people but does have a deep love, appreciation and respect for the culture and history of the people and their country.

However if you have connections with your ancestors, be it food, music, language, clothing, religion and or any other tradition, and you celebrate your history and family’s origins, you have every right to be proud of it and for your decisions and thoughts to be respected by others, you don’t have to have been to or lived in the country or area, and you don’t have to speak the language.

I’m very sorry to everybody I’ve hurt, offended or upset otherwise. I understand if you’ve unfollowed or blocked me, I would have done the same.