i think i don't even know anymore my bad

anonymous asked:

So I know a lot of autistics who are really proud to be autistic and I think that's great and I wish I could be like that but I just don't know how. I hate all my autistic traits. I hate that I'm bad at conversation, I hate that I take everything people say seriously, I hate that I never know the right thing to say. I talk about my special interests, which no one cares about, too much. I have barely any friends. Everyone I meet thinks I'm weird. I don't know what to do anymore.

I’m gonna let you in on a secret. Even I feel this way sometimes. There’s so many things I really kinda hate about being autistic, especially things like my poor concentration, audio processing issues, needing to be given instructions 2, 3, 4, 5 times before I even begin to be able to remember them. Slow reaction times, poor decision making, sensory integration issues. Having absolutely no idea how to help the people I care about when they need me. I could go on and on.

Now, the thing is, though, that even if I didn’t have any of these issues, even if I wasn’t autistic, I’d still find things to hate about myself. Maybe ‘cause I have depression, maybe ‘cause it’s ingrained in people from a very young age that you have to hate yourself otherwise you’ll never improve, or you’re too full of yourself, or you haven’t done anything to deserve to not hate yourself. And these things are ingrained in neurodivergent kids tenfold. That’s why radical self-love is so important to so many of us.

I can guarantee that every single autistic person, even those of us who are super proud of being autistic, has something they hate about themselves, that they wish they could change or get rid of. That’s the human experience. You could take away every single thing you hate about yourself, and all that would happen is you’d find something else to hate.

It sounds super pessimistic, I know. But you are what you are. You can’t change it. You’re stuck with it, no take-backs. What you can change is how accepting you are of yourself. How much you care about other’s perceptions of you versus how much you care about your own perceptions of yourself. What those perceptions of yourself are. That’s something you can change. But you’ve gotta want to.

-Brother Cat

Brother Cat’s right. Even though we’ll sometimes be proud of who we are, we also go through a lot of self-doubt. I’ve dealt with this more than I’d like in the past three years of being unemployed and feeling like either no one understands me or no one wants to hire autistic people like me. I’ve dealt with it all my life in all the bullying and other crap people have thrown at me all my life (even before I knew I was autistic). It sucks. But remember–it’s not your fault you’re autistic. It makes life incredibly difficult, yes, but that’s why you have to keep persisting.

I know this sounds cheesy and trite, but find those good things about yourself. Find the ways that being autistic can benefit you and the people around you, like (for example) thinking outside the box or catching details that others may have missed and making everyone’s lives that much better as a result. That’s what I do, at least.

- Auntie Cat

anonymous asked:

I've been called a sin(ner) for supporting LGBTQ+ rights by my dad. None of my family knows I'm Bisexual due to my older sister thinking it was a phase when I told her. Only my lesbian friend and a trusted teacher at my school know what I am and I don't know what to do because home doesn't feel like home anymore. They're sending me mixed signals and my family is Christian and my grandparents are VERY religious. I want it all to end, really.... What do I do? I'm just a sinner, right?

for one, youre not a sinner. you being bi and a wlw isnt a bad thing nor is it sinful.

two, i know for a fact that you can make it through this. even if youre out to only two people, it wont be like this forever, and you’ll soon be able to be away from your house. you’ll be able to exist as yourself without stress and confusion. 

in the meantime, hang in there, anon

anonymous asked:

i have such a problem with eating. literally i can eat anything bad for me without even thinking and once i take the first bite, i don't stop. even if i think about thinspo or my plan or anything, my mind just doesn't care and afterwards i feel like total shit. it's gotten to the point where i steal people's lunches at school sometimes. it's like i'm addicted to food. please help! i don't know what to do anymore. i hate myself so much..

Hi hun, 

I can relate so much it’s not even funny. I am and always have been a food-a-holic. It’s so incredibly difficult to get in the habit of saying no to the the chips that your friends are munching away on, believe me, I know. But don’t worry, dear, once you’ve turned something down, it gets easier and easier. The longer you go without sweets and junk food, the less you’ll crave it. It’s amazing to get there, it feels so good to be able to walk past the candy section without even giving it a glance

Now, keep in mind, you don’t need to say no to all food. To keep from eating too much crap, it really goes help to eat something healthy like some carrots or an apple. Here’s a condensed list of tips that can help to prevent a binge or an unnecessary, calorie-dense snack.

  • always eat breakfast (you’ll feel 10x better, trust me)
    • tons of protein; eggs, nonfat greek yogurt, deli meat
  • eat your calories earlier in the day, and stop eating early in the evening 
    • (I stop by 4pm after a small dinner, 120 cal or less )
  • only have fruits & veggies after 2pm
  • don’t drink your calories
    • drink only water, tea, and zero cal drinks like Vitamin Water ZERO
    • unless what your drinking is a meal supplement, in which case, don’t eat anything except for fruit/veggies with it
  • try keeping a rubber band on your wrist. whenever you feel tempted to eat junk food, snap it. It somehow kills my cravings, it might help for you
  • keep a water bottle with you and aim to refill it as many times as you can through out the day
  • don’t lose hope. patience is a virtue. you won’t see results over night. just keep going.

I hope some of these tips can be helpful to you! Good luck, darlin! xoxo

i wish,,,, i could become closer friends with my school buds,,,,, but that sounds impossible and fake

I really need an active fandom :’(

Me: *is genuinely upset at the thought of having to choose between having my favorite people on my dash and being triggered by untagged slurs even though I understand completely their right to reclaim them*

One of Y'all: you’re so annoying you think you’re queen of the blacks shut the fuck up.

I could talk to you for hours and never get tired of hearing your voice or your laugh, never get tired of watching you smile. I really don’t think I could ever get tired of you. I don’t.
—  5:15pm thoughts// but could you get tired of me
  • Me: I actually enjoy the Joker when he's written well. I don't think he's a good person by ANY stretch, but he's a fun character when done right.
  • Tumblr, barging into my kitchen: UMMM NOO HE IS LITERALLY YHE WORST PIECE OF SHIT IN THE HISTORY OF COMICS, HE BEATS HARLEY AND TORTURES PEOPLE, HE WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE FUNNY, ZOMG, YOU CAN'T LIKE HIM YOU APOLOGIST YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAAAAAND
  • Me: ...Get off my table and go tell somebody who doesn't already know all that, Karen.
My take on how Riley realizes her feelings for Farkle.
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b></b> It takes place after GM Goodbye.<p/><b>Location:</b> The Matthew's Living Room.<p/><b></b> Riley's family and friends are having a party to celebrate the good news. Everyone is dancing. Riley sits on the bench at the kitchen table. She doesn't look happy. She stares at the ground. Morgan goes to her.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Riley, why aren't you celebrating?<p/><b>Riley:</b> (looks up to Morgan) I just don't feel like celebrating at the moment.<p/><b></b> Morgan sits next to her.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Do you want to talk about it?<p/><b>Riley:</b> I don't want to even think about it, let alone talk about it.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> If you change your mind, I'll be over there. You can always talk to me.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Thank you, aunt Morgan.<p/><b></b> Riley gives her a hug. Morgan walks back to the rest of the group. Riley walks to her room. Farkle stops dancing with Smackle and follows Riley.<p/><b>Location:</b> Riley's bedroom.<p/><b></b> Riley is sitting at the bay window. Tears are falling on her cheeks. Farkle walks in.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> Riley, are you ok?<p/><b></b> Riley wipes her face.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Yeah.<p/><b></b> Farkle walks to the bay window and sits next to Riley.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> Why are you crying?<p/><b>Riley:</b> I'm just emotional.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> It's more than that. I know you Riley. We don't lie to each other. You can talk to me about anything.<p/><b></b> Farkle puts his arm around her. She rests her head on his shoulder.<p/><b>Riley:</b> I know. But I need to figure it out on my own.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> I'm always here for you. Now and forever.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Thank, Farkle. Same goes for me. But I need some time to think about things alone.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> Ok.<p/><b></b> They both stand up and hug each other.<p/><b>Riley:</b> I love you Farkle.<p/><b>Farkle:</b> And I love you.<p/><b></b> Farkle walks to the door. Riley sits down and stares at Farkle as he is leaving. Farkle looks back and smiles at Riley. Riley smiles back. Farkle leaves. Riley starts to have tears falling down. She hears a knock on her door. She wipes her face again.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Come in.<p/><b></b> Morgan walks in.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Farkle sent me to check on you. He's worried about you.<p/><b>Riley:</b> I told him I'm fine.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> But obviously you're not. I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong.<p/><b>Riley:</b> You're gonna think I'm a bad person.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> I would never think that about you. You don't have a bad bone in your body.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Well, I think I'm a bad person.<p/><b></b> Morgan hugs Riley.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Just tell me what's wrong.<p/><b>Riley:</b> I don't know where to start.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Just start talking.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Lately I've been confused alot. I've been confused for a while.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Confused about what?<p/><b>Riley:</b> My feelings for Lucas. My feelings for Farkle.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Ok.<p/><b>Riley:</b> When Lucas and I started to date, I was really happy. He's my first love. But it feels like something is missing. A spark or something. I can't explain it. I love him, I do. But there are times when I feel that he doesn't get me. In the past when I was going through things, he wouldn't even noticed or he'll be the last one to find out. I don't think he does it on purpose, but it hurts. Sometimes I feel we are better off as friends than a couple.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> How does Farkle fit in all of this?<p/><b></b> Riley starts walking back and forth.<p/><b>Riley:</b> That's what I'm confused about. Farkle has always been my best friend. He's always just been there. I knew him as the goofy kid who had a crush on me and Maya. He wanted to take over the world. He used to wear turtlenecks. I missed those turtlenecks. He promised me and Maya that he would love us equally. He kept his promise. But there are moments when I see him in a different way and it terrifies me.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Why does it terrify you?<p/><b>Riley:</b> Because I think I could be falling in love with him. I look back on all the memories that we have together and I don't know why I couldn't see it sooner. We have great talks. We can talk for hours. We read each other really well. He puts my happiness above his. We both can tell when the other is lying. Today is the perfect example. He knew I wasn't ok, when I told him I was. There are so many things I wished I seen sooner. If I knew how I felt sooner, I wouldn't be in this mess. I'm in a relationship with Lucas. Farkle's in a relationship with Smackle. I don't want to hurt Lucas or Smackle. Plus, Farkle doesn't feel the same way. I can't let anyone know. I have to keep it to myself.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Can't you tell Maya?<p/><b>Riley:</b> No. I was the one who started the whole triangle dilemma. If I told her about my feelings for Farkle, not only did I take Lucas from her, but also Farkle.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> That's not what happened and you know it. Maya's your best friend. She would understand that your feelings changed. Sometimes what you feel for one person can just change. It's nobody's fault. It just happens. It's how you handle it, that makes you the person you are.<p/><b>Riley:</b> But I'm supposed to stay with Lucas. He's my first love. My mom was my dad's first love and they're still together.<p/><b>Morgan:</b> Riley, I love you but you're acting stupid.<p/><b>Riley:</b> What?<p/><b>Morgan:</b> You're not your parents. Just because they fell in love at a young age, and stay together for the majority of their life, doesn't mean you have to do the same. You are your own person. You had feelings for Lucas since you were 12. You can't expect to have the same exact feelings three years later. I'm not saying he's not the one for you, only you can decide that. But it doesn't have to be now. You're only 15.<p/><b>Riley:</b> What should I do?<p/><b>Morgan:</b> In my opinion, I think you should break up with him, if you have feelings for another guy. It's not fair to him, you or even Farkle if you stay with him. You need to be honest with Lucas.<p/><b>Riley:</b> What if he doesn't want to be my friend anymore?<p/><b>Morgan:</b> It might be awkward at first, but I think eventually you two will go back to being friends. Just think about what I said. It's not right to stay with him when you love Farkle. You're not a bad person. I love you.<p/><b>Riley:</b> I love you too.<p/><b></b> Morgan hugs Riley and leaves. Riley sits at the bay window. Lucas walks in.<p/><b>Lucas:</b> There you are.<p/><b>Riley:</b> Hi, Lucas.<p/><b>Lucas:</b> Are you ok?<p/><b>Riley:</b> I don't know. But we need to talk.<p/><b></b> The end.<p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p>

And now you’re just nothing but a memory

No matter how bad I want you in my bed
I know that you found somebody else to be there for you
I’ll keep sleeping sideways in my empty bed
To fill up the lonely space
I’m just a kid with too much lonely space

Now I’m just like the pictures that you take
I’m nothing but something that once was
Like colors that fade away in the sunlight
They’re nothing special like they used to be
They’re gone and they’re never coming back
No, they’re never coming back
I’m gone and I’m never coming back

No matter how bad I want you in my bed
I know that you found somebody else to be there for you
I’ll keep sleeping sideways in my empty bed
To fill up the lonely space
I’m just a kid with too much lonely space

I woke up today and realized that what we had is dead
I’m just a pile of lifeless bones to you
I’ve spent too many years thinking about somebody
That doesn’t even think about me

I Don't Love You Anymore
Real Friends
I Don't Love You Anymore

I can’t believe you’ve got the nerve to say you love me
Then you left me for dead
I don’t love you anymore
I hope you’re happy since I don’t know you anymore
You were a part of me
And now you’re just nothing but a memory

No matter how bad I want you in my bed
I know that you found somebody else to be there for you
I’ll keep sleeping sideways in my empty bed
To fill up the lonely space
I’m just a kid with too much lonely space

Now I’m just like the pictures that you take
I’m nothing but something that once was
Like colors that fade away in the sunlight
They’re nothing special like they used to be
They’re gone and they’re never coming back
No, they’re never coming back
I’m gone and I’m never coming back

No matter how bad I want you in my bed
I know that you found somebody else to be there for you
I’ll keep sleeping sideways in my empty bed
To fill up the lonely space
I’m just a kid with too much lonely space

I woke up today and realized that what we had is dead
I’m just a pile of lifeless bones to you
I’ve spent too many years thinking about somebody
That doesn’t even think about me

Thinking about somebody that doesn’t even think about me
Thinking about somebody That doesn’t even think about…

No matter how bad I want you in my bed
I know that you found somebody else to be there for you
I’ll keep sleeping sideways in my empty bed
To fill up the lonely space
I’m just a kid with too much lonely space

1989 starter sentences
  • "Welcome to New York."
  • "Everybody here was someone else before."
  • "But you know you wouldn't change anything."
  • "I could show you incredible things."
  • "Oh my God, who is she?"
  • "I can make the bad guys good for a weekend."
  • "Darling, I'm a nightmare dressed as a daydream."
  • "You can tell me when it's over if the high was worth the pain."
  • "They'll tell you I'm insane."
  • "All you had to do was stay."
  • "You've got that James Dean daydream look in your eyes."
  • "I've heard you been out and about with some other girl."
  • "Are we in the clear yet?"
  • "I go on too many dates, but I can't make them stay."
  • "There's a fella over there with some hella good hair."
  • "I miss you too much to be mad anymore."
  • "I wish you were right here, right now."
  • "You always knew how to push my buttons."
  • "Say you'll see me again, even if it's just in your wildest dreams."
  • "He's so bad but he does it so well."
  • "No one has to know what we do."
  • "You know, it used to be mad love."
  • "We've got problems, and I don't think we can solve them."
  • "Band-Aids don't fix bullet holes."
  • "You said sorry just for show."
  • "I want you for worse or for better."
  • "That's how you get the girl."
  • "This love is bad."
  • "I never dreamed of this."
  • "They are the hunters, we are the foxes."
  • "I know places we won't be found."
  • "I think I'm finally clean."
  • "I punched a hole in the roof."
  • "10 months sober, I must admit."

naminamuju  asked:

Mama, I need help, I don't like to bother you, but I really don't know what to do :c The thing is, approximately 3 or 4 years ago, my best friend and I got along pretty well and talked to each other almost everyday, etc. But last year he started talking less and less and now we don't talk anymore, and I haven't got over it, and I miss him a lot, and I sometimes think its my fault because I don't even say hi, but I don't know what to do, and can't seem to forget him. Any advice, mama? :(

Unfortunately sometimes that happens as awful as it is. Especially when you’re young you develop fast and often into different directions. That’s not bad, but it’s hurtful nonetheless. I’ve been through that too, in case that makes it better for you. Also please don’t think it’s your fault, because stuff like this happens. There’s not necessarily someone at fault. Unfortunately I don’t know what to do about it except for trying to work with it, find new friends and “get over it” (I hate that term but it would probably fit best here). I’m sorry that there’s not much more I can do. I hope you’ll be fine.

anonymous asked:

Hey! I'm worried I've fallen out of love with my boyfriend. He's just been annoying me so much more lately and I don't know if I'm even attracted to him anymore. He's the nicest guy and he loves me a lot so id feel bad leaving him and everyone says we're cute together. I'm worried I've just gotten sick of him but I don't know why, like I thought he was creepy the other day for being a year older than me and this used to not bother me. He thinks we'll be together forever but idk what to do :/

If you hate your boyfriend this much, dump him.

anonymous asked:

I have a really big problem with people being convinced that I'm gay or bi or pan or whatever because of the way I dress and present myself (I have a pixie cut, I like to wear boyish type clothing, I don't shave my legs even though girls are "supposed to") even though I've always been straight and attracted to men. Is it bad to say it's degrading on me because so many peopple think I'm gay even though I'm straight I just don't know how to go about this anymore :(

I think 2 things here:

1) it’s bad that anyone is assuming anything about your identity without listening to you, given that it is your identity.

2) methinks there’s a smidge of internalized fear there, given how hard this is hitting you. That’s okay. It really is. Just try to be aware why this hurts you so much and work on it.

General rule for the world (tumblr you too I see u assuming things about Kristen Stewart all the goddamn time): if someone has not told you anything about their identity: sexuality, gender, etc., then assume nothing about it. People are more than their various identifiers, so get to know who they are and let them share the parts of themselves at their own pace.

It can be exhausting having people mis-identify you all the time.

I've been seeing people trying to cure a block with a timed piece. So here's an unrelated drabble. Elsanna, unrelated AU.

She smirked- and damn it, was she cute when she smirked- before getting almost dizzyingly close. Her breath tickled her ear and shit did she hate what it did to her.
“You know, Elsa…” she let her fingers run down the length of her collar bone, stopping when she hit the hem of her shirt, before continuing over the fabric and her breast, pausing only momentarily to trail under it and down to her naval.
Elsa shuddered.
“You know, you could just come back home with me… my roommate wouldn’t mind..”
and god damn it she was still whispering, and her breath was still flickering against her neck and she couldn’t even think anymore.
She found herself nodding without realizing it.
“That’s what I thought.”

And that’s how Elsa, former adult with dignity and free will, found herself at a somewhat shady apartment in the bad side of town with a girl she had met the night before and accidentally run into at the store.
At least no one could tell her she never did anything impulsive.

anonymous asked:

Boy, nothing I love more than hearing a bunch of California-ass San Fran snobs shitting on fast food, the midwest, and overweight people working shitty jobs. It might seem like all fun and games to you guys but the subject of so much of your jokes are targeted towards real people. I work a dead end job and getting to eat Wendy's or KFC once a week or so is a privilege. I love your podcast but I don't think I can listen anymore because all you do is punch down and make me feel like a bad person.

Nothing I like more than getting a totally pissed off, yet not entirely unfounded comment on my personal blog, which I can’t actually answer without making an entire public post about it that I can’t even know for sure that you’ll even read.

On this week’s Comedy Button, we made fun of fast food advertising. Specifically, a Wendy’s commercial that encourages people to reward themselves for doing practically nothing (I believe the examples used in the jingle are sitting through their kids’ recital and putting off doing the laundry) with fast food. Like, that’s literally the ad campaign. Sorry if it bugs you that a bunch of “California-ass San Fran snobs” make fun of something like that, but spoiler alert, that entire ad campaign was probably cobbled together by people very much like us. If they weren’t San Fran Snobs, they were probably L.A. Shit-Vampires.

I bought twenty bucks worth of Taco Bell and ate entirely too much of it before falling asleep halfway through the movie Gremlins. Immediately before recording this week’s episode, the four of us ordered a “Carnivore’s Delight” pizza because Ryan wasn’t there this week, and he won’t eat anything but plain cheese. As far as “California-ass San Fran snobs” go, we’re at least a couple arms-lengths away from the organic gluten-free paleo crowd.

Like, I’m sorry if you work a dead-end job, and your only solace in life is eating at Wendy’s or KFC once a week. No sarcasm, that sounds fucking crappy, and I hope you get out of there. We weren’t trying to offend you or shit all over your lifestyle. We were, however, taking a few shots at corporations that turn billions of dollars in profit by feeding Americans garbage while simultaneously employing them for subhuman wages, and launching marketing campaigns straight out of They Live or Idiocracy. The Comedy Button, meanwhile, is a handful of dudes who make stupid jokes on a free weekly podcast, which has been free for three years, and which will stay free as long as it exists, with really no ulterior motives than to fucking entertain people.

If we said the wrong thing, you have my apologies. We’re not in this to bully or belittle any actual human beings, we’re just trying to make at least one hour of your week a little more bearable.

anonymous asked:

I messed up. I'm 19 years old and I let a 33 year old married man with a beautiful family kiss me and run his hands all over my body. I can still feel his lips burn on the inside of my thighs and it makes me feel nauseous. I regret it so much and I feel like I'm rotting from the inside out. I never once thought I would do something like this and now I don't even know who I am anymore. Am I a bad person now? I just need to know.

No. I don’t really believe that people are “bad” or “good.” We all have both inside of us. You did something and it made you feel something-regret and guilt, from the sounds of it. Think about what you did, why you did it, why it affected you, and learn from it. You’re not a bad person. You’re now a person who has more knowledge of who they are because they did something that caused them to think about their actions. Learning is growing.