Colours of love
Feysand Soulmate AU
Feyre is about to marry Tamlin. She thinks he is her soulmate, the person she is destined to be with, but her friend Rhysand knows the truth.
Word Count: 2878
She was beautiful.
Since the moment I met her, she was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.And now, with the masterpiece of a dress that hugged her curves perfetly, the golden-brown hair tied up in a bun that showed the open back and the red roses within the small braids, the same colour as her full lips…
Red. Why had she decided to wear red on her wedding? Feyre hated red.
But maybe, she wanted to associate it with something nice after all. Because she was happy and in love, and that was everything that mattered.
The music was slow and quiet on the background, as she made one more step towards the altar, her husband. Towards her new life. Feyre never glanced at the guests, standing on both sides. Her beautiful eyes never left the people waiting in front of her. Her best friend and maid of honour, my cousin Mor. Lucien. And her beloved fiancé.
She never looked at me
.And maybe it was better this way. I came here for my best friend. I came here because she wanted all of her friends to share happiest day of her life with her. And if those blue-grey eyes had looked at me, mine wouldn’t be able hide the pain I felt. The pain of watching Tamlin marry the woman I loved.
Not my anything.
But luckily, she never turned around. She couldn’t know. No matter how much I wanted to see her beautiful eyes one more time, to make sure she was happy.
Blue-grey had become my favourite colour.
It was the night of a stupid college party three years ago. Feyre had just moved to Prythian from some small village nearby. Mor was her roommate and made her come to the party that Helion threw for his birthday. That was the night everything changed.
I used to see in black and white. Probably every other person in that room was the same way. We’re all told that the world is beautiful and full of colours, but we start seeing them from the moment we touch the person we’re destined to be with. Our soulmate.
I had never believed in any of this. Before my parents died, they had claimed to be soulmates, but they were fighting all the time. It was almost like they hated each other and stayed together only for me and my sister. I didn’t want a relationship like that. So I just stopped believing.
How can you know that you see only black and white, when you had never seen any colours? You can’t miss something you can’t even imagine.
Two hours into the party and Feyre couldn’t take it anymore. She was just making her way outside when she tripped on a forgotten cup. I saw it and hurried to catch her before she could hit the wooden floor. The moment I touched her, my breath was taken away and I was wordless. The first thing I saw were her beautiful eyes, the colour of an upcoming storm.
There you are, there you are, there you are.
And, of course, that’s the moment I realized Tamlin had tried to catch her too. She looked at him, her mouth slightly opened.
I was looking for you, I wanted to say. But not a sound left my mouth.
I was begging to whatever power to make her look at me, to see the expression on my face, to find out. I wanted to tell her what had happened, but she hadn’t even realized I was holding her too.
“I want to paint you”, she whispered. “I finally know what colour looks like and I want to paint you.”
Tamlin looked at me from the corner of his eyes and I knew everything was over. I knew he would hate me forever for what had happened years ago and he was capable of anything to hurt me once more. He knew what could have happened if he hadn’t shown and decided to play a big part in preventing it come true.
So, I naturally let go of her arm and turn away. I kept it for myself for weeks. But then, Feyre and Tamlin started to date officially and I couldn’t take it anymore. I told Morrigan what had happened the night of the party and she told me I was a stupid prick for not telling her, to let her date a monster like Tamlin. She told me I had to tell her the truth in an instant, but I couldn’t. She looked so happy and peaceful. I couldn’t take this from her.
With the time she became Mor’s best friend and later mine too. I took everything she gave me and nothing more. Tamlin hated our friendship and we started to go out less and less, but we never stopped. She even made me take her to the man that had tattooed me, Cassian and Azriel. She said this was the first time she felt like a part of a family and wanted to have the same tattoo, so she could be one of us.
A part of my family.
That’s how she got the black tattoo, swirling on her gentle left arm, from the tips of her fingers to her elbow. After that, I didn’t see her for over four months. She never told me the reason, but I knew Tamlin was a part of it.
She never lost her beautiful smile, though. So I knew that whatever he has done, she was still happy. She didn’t want to be parted with us, but she would still always choose him, because Tamlin made her happy. And she was in love.
My light in the darkness, all the colours in this world.
My soulmate, in love with someone else.
Not my anything.
Not my anything.
I repeated this over and over to myself, as she walked down the aisle. I kept repeating it as the music stopped and suddenly she was standing before Tamlin, holding his hand.
Everything had happened too fast, but in the same time, to slow and painful for me to handle.
I couldn’t hear anything. It was like the word had gone silent and everything I could see or think about, was her.
“Yes!”, Tamlin said.My body tensed and all at once I became too aware of what was happening.
“And you, Feyre Archeron, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the answer, but a few seconds passed and it didn’t come. Her hands slightly trembled and I felt my eyes water.
She wasn’t excited, nor was she even nervous. No, she was scared. Scared of what was happening, what she was going to make… Scared of him. Her skin was pale, all colour had left her cheeks. She wasn’t happy. How haven’t I seen it sooner?
“Feyre?” I more saw than heard Tamlin say. But somehow, there was no gentleness in his features, no worry in his eyes.
I should’ve told her everything, I shouldn’t have let her do this. It was a mistake and I knew she was too scared, too confused to leave. My soulmate. I should’ve told her sooner…
“No.” For a heartbeat, time stopped. The whole world disappeared. And then-
“What did you say?” Tamlin snapped.
“I am not going to marry you!” Tears escaped her eyes, but her voice was strong, secure. Her hands had stopped to tremble, too.
Tamlin was furious. He made a step to her and I stood up, preparing myself to punch him in the face before he could do it to her first. But before I knew it, Feyre had gotten away from him and was running towards the exit. He tried to follow her, but Mor, Amren and my brothers were faster. The girls blocked the door as Cassian and Azriel grabbed him. He couldn’t escape their grip, no matter how much he tried.
Amren looked at me, her eyes full of pride from what Feyre had done, and nodded.
“Go!” my cousin hissed.
I didn’t need any more convincing as I stormed out of the building and jumped into my car.
It took me half an hour to get there. I didn’t see her car anywhere, but she had to be here. There was nowhere else she could have gone.
The lake was beautiful this day. The blue of the cloudless sky reflected in the water, making it a darker shade of the colour of her eyes. I loved this place.
And from the moment I showed it to her, I knew she loved it too.
It was only a couple of minutes away from the city, but no one ever came. And at night, this was the best place to look at the night sky. Every time I come here and look at the stars, I begin to feel peaceful, like everything is alright. I knew she did too.
So without a second thought, I got out of the black car and looked around.
There she was. Laying on the grass, her wedding dress dirty and all around her, her hair a mess. I took a deep breath and put my hands in my pockets. I approached her slowly. Every step I took towards her felt like a lifetime. Her eyes were closed and for a moment, I thought she had fallen asleep.
“It was all my fault”, she whispered. I stopped and felt my whole body tense. Feyre… “Staying with him. Hurting myself. It is all my fault”
My heart broke with every word that left her mouth. It pained me to just look at her and not be able to say anything, but I had become wordless. I didn’t know what to do.
She opened her eyes ever so slowly and stood into a sitting position. Her cheeks were wet from the tears she had shed. She was silent for a moment and I finally sat next to her, my eyes never leaving hers. I gently stroked her hand, assuring her to continue.
“I knew I wasn’t happy”, Feyre confessed, her voice hoarse from the crying. ”I knew this wasn’t love, at least not anymore. I still thought I loved him when he proposed, but for months those feelings faded and now… They just aren’t here. But I kept telling myself that I was wrong. That I did love him and I was just stressed out. I continued to lie to myself that I was happy, that this- he- was everything I wanted, needed. He is my soulmate after all. It is our destiny to be together…”
“We choose our own destiny, Feyre. Only you can decide who you are, what you do and who you want to be with. And…” he isn’t your soulmate, never was. But I couldn’t tell her. Not when she was sad and heartbroken, when the last thing she needed was a relationship. When she would never see me as more than her friend.
“Do you remember last year? After I made my tattoo and then just disappeared?” I nodded, curious where she was going with this. “We had a big fight and after that, I decided it was better to stay at home for a while. Those months were probably the worst of my life. I lost weight, stopped eating and I just didn’t care about anything. Life seemed pointless. I wanted to care, but I didn’t. Tamlin acted like he didn’t see anything wrong with me and I thought… I just thought he was fighting his own demons, trying to be better. I stopped talking to you, because he was more stressed out than ever and I didn’t want to make it any worse, but… The only thing that made me want to live again- not just exist as an empty shell, but live- was the thought of you. Of the family you introduced me to, that became my family too. But mostly of you, Rhysand.”
My heart started to beat faster. If only I had known… She had to get over this by herself. She had fought alone, and I had had no idea about it.
“I stayed with him only because he is my soulmate”
“He isn’t”, I heard myself say and instantly looked away. I would tell her. I just couldn’t watch her in the eyes as I did.
Coward, I scoffed at myself.
“Tamlin isn’t your soulmate” I felt Feyre stiffen as I repeated. “The night at the party you were drunk and confused and when you, clumsy as always, tripped on that cup, it was both of us that caught you. The blue-grey of your eyes was the first colour I ever saw. You were so beautiful and you didn’t even look at me. You had eyes only for him and didn’t even realize I was standing right beside you, too, still holding your hand.”
I finally looked up. New tears were streaming down her face and I felt my own eyes water. There were too many emotions written in those pretty eyes. And for the first time, I couldn’t read her at all.
I thought she was about to scream at me, beat me, offend me, for everything I had hid from her all this time. But she did nothing of those things. In fact, she didn’t do anything at all.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
So many reasons, but at the same time, there were no real reasons at all. I thought for a moment. What did it matter what I would say? She probably hated me anyway.
“At first I didn’t tell you, because I was scared. You didn’t know me and I was afraid you would think it was some sort of a stupid prank. Then you started dating him and I thought you were happy. When you and Mor got closer and you became a part of our family, you always looked like everything in your life was perfect, the way it had to be. For me, it was enough to take everything you gave me and nothing more. If being my friend was all you wanted, I was content to give you that. Even though it killed me to watch you with him, I was fine with it, as long as you were happy. And I wanted that for you.” I stopped for a moment, still refusing to meet her eyes. “I promised myself I would let you go, because you deserved to love fiercely and be loved the same way in return. Even if it wasn’t with me. Because I loved you, Feyre. I love you. You are not only my soulmate, you are my everything.”
It was too late. I was a fool and it was too late to make things right.
She deserved the truth, but I didn’t deserve her at all.
Feyre gently took my chin between her fingers and made me look at her. I expected to see only pity and anger, maybe pain, but the look she gave me… It was full of emotion. Worry and love. I was sure I had confused myself. It wasn’t possible, and then-
“All this time I wondered what it would be like if it was you.” The corners of her mouth turned into a small smile. I had to have heard it all wrong, she couldn’t really mean it. “I wanted it to be you”
I couldn’t keep the tears, I couldn’t stop the sob as it escaped my lips. This wasn’t real, it couldn’t be real. She had escaped Tamlin, had left the wedding and that was too much to begin with. But to say she thought about me, wished to be with me, while she was engaged to someone else? This couldn’t be real.
Maybe she knew me too well, or perhaps I had said it out loud. She wrapped her arms around me and and never let go.
“I love you too, Rhysand. I might need time to heal, but I belong to you. I always have. And I am sorry, so incredibly sorry, that I hid away those feelings. You deserve the world and I am sorry I made you think otherwise”
Her hand once again lifted my chin and Feyre pulled herself away, just enough to look me in the eyes. In a heartbeat her lips met mine and I felt happier than ever. It felt as though everything in this world had come into place, like I had found what I was looking for all of my life.
I loved her and she loved me. That was all that mattered.
I was the one to brake the kiss, even though every inch of my body protested. I couldn’t stop smiling. Those blue-grey eyes were looking at me with so much happiness, life and love and it felt like the wedding had happened years ago, in a different world, different life, because so much had changed for only a couple of minutes… I looked at her shining eyes and knew, that my life was now complete.
No matter what others said, blue was the colour of love.