“I feel like this might be MTV show worthy,” Stiles says suddenly, and even at Derek’s exasperated look, adds, “This should be an episode of True Life. True Life: I’m Seventeen and Already Shopping for Curtains Because My Older Boyfriend Is a Moron.”
The first time Stiles dresses Caleb up in a ridiculous outfit, Derek thinks it’s a joke. He comes home from work one day, and is greeted by the sight of their newborn pup in a zebra onesie complete with ears and a tail.
“I’m going to name you Derek,” Stiles announces, still looking cross-eyed at the puppy in his hands. It’s looking back with a confused and sad expression, probably asking Stiles in some baby dog language why it’s being named after a brooding werewolf. “It’s because you’re always sulking, even though I got you a nice basket and biscuits and everything,” he says sternly. The puppy whines and hangs its head.
Everyone had a mark scrawled somewhere across their body. A name, usually a signature to represent their soul mate, their one and only true love. Stiles has known who his mark belonged to since the third grade. He doesn’t understand how Derek can be so oblivious.
Stiles’s life was so much easier before his BFF got super powers. “But, so, werewolves have super strength, right? And super speed. And better vision, and better muscle control, and healing powers, and stuff. And some of that’s probably, like, genetic, if you can be born a werewolf. Right?”
“Yeah,” Scott says. From the perplexed look on his face, he doesn’t yet know where Stiles is going with this. “So?”
“So what if you have condom-defeating supersperm?”
Stiles has a lot of research to do. He decides Derek’s kitchen is the place to do it. Derek probably regrets giving him a key.
The Summer (1/33) | Dan Howell has spent the last three summers at Camp Bergamot, but it’s never been quite like this before. This year, he faces a summer full of new friends, a new relationship, and an entirely new view on his own sexuality. Perhaps Camp Bergamot should be renamed camp self discovery for all the changes Dan has gone through, but one thing’s for sure - despite all the hiccups and the drama, he just might have found the love of his life. | Phan | Mature | Smut, Misunderstandings, Insecurity, Panic Attacks, Bullying, Minor Violence, Physical Fight. Warnings at the beginning of each chapter | 300,000+ Words
Disclaimer: In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.
A/N: Hey guys! @insanityplaysfics and I have been working on this beauty for about two months now and it’s turned into a giant mess of 300k words! How the actual heck were we even able to write this much in such a short amount of time? I don’t know but I sure do love this, and I love Eliza so much. Anyways, our posting dates are on every Wednesdays and Saturdays! The chapters all start around 8k words but gradually go up in word count as the story unfolds. Title creds: The Summer by Citizen. Hope you enjoy the story because we sure did!
Hello, my dear friends! This has been a long time coming and I’ve finally found the time to get it started, but we’ll see how often I can post from here. I hope you all like it!
The Lucky One Pt 1 (reader x Bucky)
Characters: reader, reader’s mom, Bucky, (James), OC Kevin Jenkins, OC Caleb, more to come.
Summary: As a single mom with a jerk of an ex-husband, you’re doing your best to run the family business all on your own when your mother hires a mysterious man with a troubled past to help out. He just might be what you need in your life, but will his secrets bring you together or tear you apart? (Events occur shortly after Captain America: The Winter Soldier)
Warnings: angst, a little fluff, small mentions of sexual situations
Word Count: 2208
A/N: This is part one of my fic for Stark Tower’s Movie Challenge. I chose the movie “The Lucky One” and I’m really excited about it! I’ve read the book AND seen the movie but it’s been a while so I hope my own loose interpretation is fun and entertaining. Please let me know your thoughts, whether you’ve see the movie or not, I appreciate your feedback!! :)
“I can’t believe you hired a stranger off the street without even consulting me! I mean…he’s not even from around here. He’s a drifter from who-knows-where and he could be a…a serial killer or something!” you spoke emphatically, not quite a yell but nearly.
“What? You were gone, we need the help, he needs a job. What’s there to consult about?” she shrugged innocently.
“Mother. I know you’re not as…able as you used to be, but we were doing just fine! I’m perfectly capable of hauling the bales of hay and training the horses and dealing with owners and…”
“…and running yourself into the ground. Honey, you can’t do it all by yourself. Not forever. You’re stretched too thin. This James fella seems perfectly capable of doing the heavy lifting. I mean look at him throw those bales around with those muscles. And that jaw, yowzah…. If I were 30 years younger…” your mother swooned, craning her neck toward the window.
Follow Forever/Bias List/Positivity Post/Friendly Promotion/Let Me Love You
So, I’m realizing that I may not hit my milestone as I keep on blocking porn blogs, but then I decided not to care about the count and I’m gonna do this anyway because this honestly makes me happy just spreading my love to you guys. You all mean so much to me and I truly value each and every one of you, even the ones I just started to follow or haven’t followed yet because I’m stalking and working up the courage to follow back because koala-tea following me what? I love you all. Honestly, I try and give each one of you an explanation as to why I love you, but I’ve said it before that this mun is so bad with ooc expressions, I am literally a potato. If you don’t see me give you a lot of words or any at all, PLEASE don’t take it the wrong way, you’re on this list because I love you and you mean a lot to me as a writer and a mun, it’s just I have a hard time expressing myself in so many words and I’ll probably end up being repetitive at times - I will apologize for that, even if I don’t have to (I’m your stereotypical Canada eh)
@ghostofaformerself - Always have to put my Ghost first, I’ve said it before she’s the reason I am even on Tumblr, I credit her for starting all of my internet friendships because without her I would still be clueless about this great community. Rayne is an amazing and incredibly written character, I love her so much. Ghosty, you’re still a terribletrashbagperson for hitting me with all of the Rayne feels, but let’s face it we both know I love you for it.
@hcvenofear - Keets, my darling Keets. Kudos to Paige for introducing us and giving me a wonderful internet friend that I am determined to meet one day no matter what. My PLL buddy tbh, the person I scream and cry to over Spencer Hastings god my heart. So much love for Keets both as a writer and as a person, and Keets even though I am pathetic with fandoms I’m gonna write with all of your muses because rping with you is fanfuckingtastic and good for my soul (maybe given you’re the head bitch in charge)
@astrcnautical - AGAIN credits to Paige for introducing me to such the beautiful soul that is Theo. I’ve written with Theo on his multi and I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT! Again, being that I’m pathetic with fandoms and do not have much knowledge of Star Trek, I do wanna write with Jim and Theo (okay but who wouldn’t want to write with Theo u bae bro) one day and I’m gonna love it because it’s you Theo and I love you.
@beastlynecromancer - ARI!……What’s that? Typing your name in all caps with bold and italics to make it sound like I’m screaming because wow what a darling you are isn’t enough to express my love for you? Darn, that’s my go to line x3 No but in all seriousness, I’ve told you many times before that you’re one of my dearest partners, I love you lots okay. Brent was the first muse of yours I’ve written with and I completely fell in love with him (as did Kim and later my other muses of course lol), he’s truly an awesome character and very well developed, honestly Ari you’re an inspiration to me as a writer. I’ve mentioned before how much I love all of your muses, even the inactive ones as they hold a piece of my heart because our interactions were so great that I’m keeping them forever in there. Also throws @merfolkmayhem because yes this blog is awesome too and I want to love those muses of yours <3
I just finished reading Two Serpents Rise, and so of course I am going to subject you to more Craft Sequence thoughts:
1. This is a book about what happens when walking away from Omelas isn’t an option. How do you live knowing that your world is built on exploitation and suffering? How do you find meaning and value in such a place? What price will you pay, what will you risk, what will you sacrifice, for the world you want?
2. The answer to that first question, for Caleb, is repression; this is a book about pointedly Not Seeing and Not Thinking, which is why the shark-tooth charm is so significant. It’s easy to see why he would be like that; his father is an enemy of the state, and every time something happens in Dresediel Lex he gets hauled in for questioning by the Wardens. He has to be whiter-than-white, and it’s no doubt easiest just not even to think any criticism of how things are. (plus, in a way, his father chose the gods over him, and admitting there are problems with the current system is almost to justify that choice. I’d love to know more about Caleb’s feelings towards his dad; the admission that he hasn’t played bridge since he lost his partner is so sad, because plainly that partner is Temoc.)
3. That repression is what makes him so bland at the start, and so I don’t blame people at all for not enjoying him as a protagonist. But for me the key to Caleb is the moment we see that he likes to read Iskari romances, stories about duels and battles with evil wizards, and when he describes going after Mal as being like a quest. There’s something innocent and idealistic about him, something that wants a purpose, a cause to devote himself to.
4. And that’s what draws Mal to him - I spent the whole book feeling uncomfortable about their relationship, because I thought she might be using him for some sort of RKC-related access or knowledge, or to keep him from realising what she was up to. And in a darker book, she would have been manipulating or grooming him, but this time she genuinely believes she’s found someone who thinks like she does.
5. In a way, though, Caleb is on a quest; a (Jungian) Grail Quest, where to ask “whom does the Grail serve?” is to realise our interdependence on each other, to realise that love and compassion is the answer. I picked this book up for gay wizards; who knew it was going to turn Arthurian on me!
6. I thought I was going to love Teo - I mean, curvy Latina lesbian who dresses like a dandy mobster? excuse me while I chuck myself at her feet - but while her dress sense is totally Iconic, she’s not a very nice person! For someone whose job - jobs, given that she runs an art gallery on the side - is schmoozing, I find her rude and arrogant, and unnecessarily hard on Caleb, like, the whole time. (also, it annoys me that her rejection of her family’s wealth is only ever about her independence, and not about the fact that they made it through being slumlords, i.e. exploiting the poor.) Her girlfriend Sam is a bit holier-than-thou, and I think you’re meant to roll your eyes at her a little, but her heart is in the right place.
7. I love Kopil, I’m sorry. I know that I shouldn’t, that the entire plot of this book is his reaping the whirlwind of his terrible actions twenty years ago, but here somehow he comes across as fundamentally decent and interested in ruling well. Also, everything about his dead boyfriend breaks my heart, especially the part where he tells Caleb that his desk is the altar where Timas was sacrificed, and says that some blood must have soaked into the rock, that in some way the man he loves is with him still.
8. Red King Consolidated provides local government for Dresediel Lex - police, utilities - but where is the national government in Kath? It seems as if there isn’t one, and places like Alt Coulumb and Dresediel Lex are essentially city-states, with Kopil as signoria for DL. In other words, when he calls himself the King in Red, he means it. And of course he’s dressed in red, the colour of blood and sacrifice, because he is a living sacrifice to Dresediel Lex, in a way; Fisher King-like, the health of the king is the health of the land. He is the heart of a web of obligations, of magical profit and loss, that keeps the city running. And the attacks on the city are intended to cause so much destruction that taking care of them, and keeping the Serpents asleep, drains him of soulstuff. Kopil’s death is the sacrifice on which the new system can rise.
9. I like the bit where Caleb is looking for a sword or similar in Kopil’s office, and thinks that the King in Red’s style is more “deep magic from the dawn of time”. don’t think I don’t see your Narnia reference, Max Gladstone! (& of course The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe is another book about redemptive sacrifice.)
10. I wonder how this series reads in chronological order. What is it like to start with Last First Snow, to read that book not knowing how the Skittersill Rising is going to turn out, and then to jump to the same characters twenty years later? What is it like to meet Elayne again in Three Parts Dead and be like “oh hey, it’s her”, instead of seeing her through Tara’s respectful, admiring, slightly terrified but also that-is-what-I-want-to-be-in-10-years’-time eyes? I guess reading in publication order makes Alaxic and Mal’s intentions more mysterious (does little!Mal appear in Last First Snow at all?), but then again, I’ve seen a lot of reviews of this book which are like “obviously she’s bad, she’s called Mal!”
11. I love all the comparisons this series makes between magic and the law, but I particularly liked the one here about how reality is an argument, is a story, is consensus around a narrative, and if you win the argument, you can literally change the world. (one I liked less was the idea that Craftspeople can trap you in dreams; I never read enough of the Sandman to hit the metaplot, but of what I did read, the one story that freaked me out the most was Sleep of the Just. It’s those final panels where Roderick Burgess thinks he’s woken from a horrible nightmare…..and then realises he hasn’t, at all.)
12. The ending is such a Doctor Who ending, and by that I mean it has one of the things I like best about DW; the ability to look at our small, petty, imperfect, compromised lives, and see the beauty and the value in all these little people struggling to do good.
13. Speaking of doing good, I am so glad that Caleb finally chose to be present and to act, instead of living with his eyes closed; I was thinking throughout that the Craftverse needs some sort of post-conflict truth-and-reconciliation-y……something, and Caleb’s NGO is sort of that. And that Kopil realised there wouldn’t be any long-term peace without his addressing the grievances of the defeated - such a change from the person who dropped fiery nets on them twenty years previous. (the Twin Serpents Group absolutely needs his support behind it, both as pledge of good faith from the most bloodstained of Craftsmen, and big stick should any gods get ideas above their station.) I’ve seen people say the final conversation is too easy, but I think it makes a difference that it’s Caleb asking; I’ve made flippant comments before about Kopil lowkey flirting with Caleb, but seriously, there’s a mutual fondness there, a mixture of loyalty and liking and respect, that speaks really well of them both. (one thing I really like about this series is how much mentoring there is - Elayne and Tara, and also Kopil and Caleb; that the older characters want to offer their time and experience, and the younger characters are interested in taking it.)
14. And last of all, I cannot believe Kopil signs the note he leaves for Caleb in the hospital with a little picture of a skull. Forget everything I said; he is totally flirting.
I have so many feelings, I’m sorry; I think it’s that putting it into words often helps me to better understand what I think. (e.g. I saw one review which said they couldn’t grasp Mal’s motivation, and I was like “her parents burned to death over the course of a week! no water could put it out! of course she wants the King in Red’s heart on a spike!……oh.” It didn’t really sink in until I said it.) If you like these books, please do talk to me about them, and help spare everyone else from the painfully long posts!
Yo. I don’t make these, ever, but I made this when we didn’t have power and I thought it was pretty so why the fuck not use it. I do have internet back now, so long as the idiots at Time Warner don’t fuck with it again. ALSO, Cole is over 300 at this point which is amazing and I’m really happy because I do love him and have put so much time, effort and mental strain into him. I hope those who interact with him like him too and I really would love to RP with a lot more of the people that I follow.
OKAY HERE WE GO–; Bae’s
@timestarjump; Ali I don’t care if we don’t fucking RP on here, you’re amazing and just deserve to be given credit for putting up with me. A love you, you’re literally like a sister and I HOPE that Cole get’s to bug the shit out of Levi constantly after I reply to your reply to my open. XD
@konohanotenten; LOOK IT’S CALEB’S FUTURE WIFE. Poor Tenten. YO TENTEN-MUN, I know we got the shit going on with the OC I made with her, but I really want to do some things on here with Cole and Caleb more because Caleb adores her. Not just her hair but the fact that she is so kind and loving. I love your portray of Tenten and I hope we get to plot a lot more than we already have!
@konohasflcsh; IT IS COMPLETELY BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I EVEN EXIST TO THE NARUTO FANDOM. SO, HOKAGE-MUN, THANK YOU FOR PAYING ATTENTION TO MY LITTLE SHIT. You’re writing is fabulous, and I adore your muse that every time you rely to the thread I legit get so excited. Minato is the cutest shit ever and anyone who doesn’t think so can f i t e me. XD I would love to plot more, especially missions from their childhood and them as kids in general because there is just so much potential to be have with what we did plot! Don’t ever doubt your writing because you are fabulous in everything.
@lonely-godokaeyo; YO. YOU’RE MY FIRST ACTUAL SHIP ON HERE SINCE REMAKING HIM. DO YOU FEEL THE PRESSURE YET? XD Ah, I know I bug the shit out of you constantly and I don’t actually answer the threads enough, I have one in my draft now, but I do adore the dorks despite all the shit that we put them through. Not to mention, you putting up with me and my screaming, is impressive all on it’s own. Thank you for Rping with Cole and letting me scream at you on Discord!
@thelazyeditor; Do you hate me for how often I blog hope on you yet? Seriously you have been running Akihito for as long as I have been blog hoping and that is impressive. I adore you and your muse, I love some of the shit we come up with and you are my favorite ship with Anubis. So thank you for following me to the blogs I throw at you and for letting me chuck Anubis at you when I’m on him.
@bloodyrogues; YO. WE DON’T ACTUALLY RP MUCH, BUT WHEN WE DO IT’S AWESOME. NOT TO MENTION GETTING TO TALK TO YOU ON SKYPE/DISCORD IS EPIC. I’m a plot whore, and I love plotting everything with you that I can. I really hope we get to get D and Cole interacting again real soon since D is so adorable with Caleb.
@healersigned; I JUST LOVE YOU AND YOUR SEXY MUSE, OKAY? THOUGH I THINK I SCREAMED THAT ENOUGH ON DISCORD.
@sxikii; I already told you how fabulous you are and how much I love Gaara and Caleb, but I really love you alright? XD I want so many more interactions with you, please let me have all of Gaara.
@incubibaby; Your muse is really different, alright? I’ve been on here for a long time and I haven’t ran into anything like Noah, which makes me really cling to him alright? Them. I love them, and I want Cole to like them, which wouldn’t be so hard if he wasn’t such a goddamn asshole. LET ME LOVE YOUR AMAZING UNIQUE MUSE.
Really fucking amazing people why do you follow me;
Alright I know this wasn’t the continuation of the Lockerroom you were expecting, that’s still in the works, but this story was just too much fun not to post.
So the other night I was catching up with a friend I hadn’t been in touch with in a looong time and he was telling me about all the crazy adventures he’s had in the past couple of years so I asked him to tell me about what his first time was like. He wrote it up for me in a series of texts and damn it was such a hot story I told him he should consider writing which was when he said he had given it to me with so much detail so I could write it. I had done a couple of stories for friends before so I said sure I’d write it up but then he asked if i could post it because “It would be super hot knowing that other guys would be reading and jerking off to my story.” ;)
Hopefully there will be more stories in this series besides his which there are a few we’re going to be working on. I am kind of thinking that I might want to do this with several friends to keep things interesting so if you want to have yours written then hit me up and let’s collaborate! :) I still need a good name for this series so if you have ideas for that please let me know also.
Without further ado let me present to you the first chapter in this series featuring the exploits of the always sexy: Caleb!
Holy shit… What was that noise?
Was that him?
No… He’s looking at me with his mouth closed…
Wait… Was that me?
Fuck… I hope no one heard us.
“Ahh… Fuck brah I’m going to cum too…” he moaned.
Oh fuck… His cum is so hot hitting my chest.
All of that went through my head in the few seconds
between feeling my balls empty all the cum in my body all over my belly and
his. I must have shot like a dozen
times, one of the most intense but still intimate orgasms I’ve ever had. In my short but eventful sex life, this was
one of the most amazing experiences I’ve ever had. As he reached over and pulled me into a big
hug and brought his lips to mine, each of those encounters replayed themselves
in my mind as I thought about all the things that had brought me to this
moment. His strong, brown arms pulled
me in close as I heard the cum on our bodies squish between us as our bellies
slid against each other with its slipperiness.
A lock of his hair that escaped the bun he had pulled it up into when we
started getting lost in exploring each other’s bodies. He brushed it back over his ear and gave me a
“How was it?” he asked me.
“Amazing…” I whispered as I pulled his forehead against
mine and we both took deep breaths before kissing deeply again.
This was the first time I had ever done anything out in
the open and the thrill of being out in the park naked and in the arms of this
big sexy man was such a rush. Even
though it was really late or early morning whichever way you wanted to think
about it, the idea that some stranger could walk up and see us here with our
bodies entwined was both scary and a turn on.
Speaking of first times, maybe I should start this story
properly and tell you about that instead.
It wasn’t very long ago but it seems like it was a lifetime.
Hi… My name’s Caleb it’s nice to meet you. Well it’s not really Caleb but for the
purposes of this story that’s what you can call me. The names have been changed to protect the
guilty and all that. In case you’re
wondering, I’m 23 years old and I’m a big guy.
6’4” and like 350 pounds of beefy goodness yup that’s me. The story you’re here to read about today is
about how I finally managed to lose that pesky label of being a virgin and let
me tell you it was quite an adventure.
“We’re going back down for one last gambling session
Caleb, you coming?” my aunt asked as she picked up her purse and the keychain
with all of her player cards from various casinos on it.
“No I’m good I think,” I told her. “I might go walk
around and explore a bit more though.”
“Just make sure you can be up in time to go to the
airport if you end up sleeping,” she warned me. “I know you don’t like to wake
up when I try.”
“Yeah aunty no worry,” I laughed.
“OK have fun we’ll be down at our usual spot,” she said
as the door closed behind her.
As soon as she was gone my phone came out and I opened up
and looked through every single one of the dating and hookup apps I had
downloaded the second night we were here.
Here I was, a couple months past my 21st birthday and I still
hadn’t managed to lose my v-card. It was
driving me absolutely crazy… Sure I had done the whole phone sex thing and
messed around with some cam to cam stuff before but I desperately wanted to get
my hands and mouth and whatever else I could use on a real live man.
Just as I was about to give up and look at some porn so I
could take care of myself one of the apps chimed at me. I’m pretty sure I held my breath as I opened
it, hoping against all hope that it was actually someone interesting and not a
random shout or spam message.
“What’s up bro how’s it going,” the message read.
“Hey it’s going ok just bored to death waiting on my
flight back home,” I replied then I clicked his profile to see who I was
Wow… This guy is built!
His profile pic showed a big muscular black guy with a friendly smile
spread wide across his handsome face.
“Oh? Where’s home,” he sent back.
“Hawaii. I’m here with my aunt and her friends for her 50th
birthday,” I explained. “They’re all downstairs having one last hurrah.”
“Oh that’s tight man,” he answered. “You think you’d want to come chill here
with me then?”
Fuck… What do I do? My nerves hit me
full blast in the face when I realized that he had just asked me to hook up
which was totally what I wanted. But
holy shit am I ready for this? Should I
trust him? What the fuck should I say?
“Um… I’m all the way in downtown I have no idea where you
are or how to get to you,” I texted after a few minutes.
“No problem I don’t live that far I can come get you,” he
replied almost immediately. “I thought I had scared you off for a second lol.”
“Almost lol…” I sent back. “Just putting it out there…
I’m a total virgin…”
“No shit?” his message came back. “Well if you’re down,
I’m down to do the honors.”
Oh fuck… Now what?
I dropped my phone on the bed and wiped my suddenly sweaty palms on my
shorts. I stared again at his profile
pic as I mentally wrestled between the pros and cons of doing this.
“Know that saying ‘what happens in Vegas, stays in
Vegas’?” his next message dinged onto my screen. “Here’s your chance to have
“OK I’m in,” I sent after agonizing over the decision for
another minute that felt like an eternity. “Let me shower and stuff. Where do I meet you?”
“Where you staying?” he asked.
I told him which hotel we were at and he gave me
instructions on which door to come out of and where to wait. My heart felt like it would jump out of my
chest as I scrubbed myself down in the shower and the reality of what I was
doing hit me. I was freaking out but
then I looked down and realized that I was massively rock hard through all of
this just at the thought of what was going to be happening. My resolve strengthened, I finished washing
off and dried myself before getting dressed and heading out to meet my late
“Yo man you’re fucking hot,” he said to me as I jumped into the
passenger seat of his SUV.
“Thanks,” I replied nervously as I shook his hand that he
“My name’s Marc,” he told me.
“Caleb,” I replied robotically as I desperately looked
anywhere else but at him as we drove away from the hotel.
“Nice to meet you sexy,” Marc winked.
“Yeah,” I replied sharply and he looked at me and just
gave me this big smile and laughed a bit.
We drove for a while and I guess he caught how nervous I
was so he turned up his music and we drove quietly up into his
neighborhood. Pulling up to an apartment
complex, he pulled into a stall and turned off his engine.
“Well we’re here,” he smiled again at me as he unbuckled
his seatbelt and opened his door.
I swallowed dryly as my nerves kicked up another notch
but at this point there really wasn’t any turning back so I did the same and
got out. I looked around at the
buildings and was pretty surprised at how quiet it was here just outside of the
“Come on in,” Marc invited as he opened the door to his apartment and entered.
I stepped into his apartment and jumped just a little
when the door closed behind me. Taking a
look around, I was pleasantly surprised at how nice of a place he had. A big comfy looking couch sat against the
wall in front of the TV in the corner and a table across the room separated the
kitchen from this area. Things were
pretty tidy and there was a gym bag sitting on the counter next to the stacks
of protein and supplement bottles which wasn’t surprising given how much effort
he obviously put into working out to get into the shape he was in.
“Let’s go lie down and chill,” he grinned as he reached
out his hand, waiting for me to give him mine.
I reached out my hand and hesitated, but I think he saw
it so he shook his hand at me and gave me another big grin, so I slowly reached
towards him and took it. I have big
hands but his was just as, if not a little bit bigger than mine and it felt so
warm as he laced his fingers with mine.
That huge grin never left his face and it calmed me just a little as he
started pulling me along down the hallway.
His round ass cheeks bounced along with each step and mesmerized me with
their rhythmic dance as we walked towards the open door ahead of us.
“Lemme turn on the TV maybe that will help you relax a
bit,” Marc said as he picked up the remote and pressed power.
He held his hand out again, this time in invitation for
me to get on the bed first so I climbed on and laid there frozen in my
nervousness which flooded back full force.
I swear I jumped when he climbed up next to me and leaned against the
pillows. We sat there in awkward silence
for a bit, the news starting up, but they could have been speaking in some
foreign language for all I could tell.
Marc must have decided he would need to be the one to
make the first move because he slid his arm up above my head and started gently
rubbing my scalp through my hair. His
head moved slowly closer until he kissed the side of my neck and I heard a
gasping moan escape my lips.
In that moment I felt the knot in my stomach release as
he slid his hand down behind my head and used it to turn me towards him. His lips came up and met mine and suddenly I
was kissing another man in the way I had craved for so long. It felt as if every fantasy I had seen in
porn and imagined happening had suddenly come to life for me. The warmth of his mouth and tongue, the
softness of his juicy lips, the exploring of his tongue as out kisses grew more
heated and sloppy. I wanted this… I
needed this… It was finally my moment to experience this myself.
Marc climbed up on top of me and straddled my thighs with
his own as I slid my hands down into the waistband of his mesh shorts and
squeezed his bubble butt with both hands. His moan that I could feel resonate
in my mouth as he kissed me again made me growl with the lust he had awoken in
me. I tugged at his shorts, trying
desperately to get them off of him and he slid them down and then off
completely before pulling mine off as well. I could feel his big dick grinding
into my thigh and up against my own aching boner as we made out.
After a while, he stopped and had me sit up so he could
pull my shirt off of me. I reached my
hands around him, running them up and down his body, beneath his shirt which he
pulled off slowly. I sighed with
pleasure as I ran my hands over his massive shoulders and pecs as he leaned
back down for even more kisses.
“Turn over…” he whispered into my ear.
My brain took a second to process what he said through
the haze of euphoria I was feeling so he gently guided me as I pulled a pillow
under my chest and gave him access to my big booty and twitching hole. He wasted no time as he slapped my right
cheek loudly before spreading them with his hands. I felt him spit on my hole get me wet and the
next thing I knew, his long and magical tongue began working its spell on me as
he pushed it deep into my ass. Let me
tell you I now understood in great detail why guys loved getting rimjobs as he
made me gasp, groan, and cry out at the intense feelings his mouth was giving
me. He ate me out like I was his last meal for nearly 15 minutes until I
couldn’t resist the desire to have his dick in my mouth any more.
“Let me suck you…” I begged as I got up and flipped
around to face him.
He was still on his knees on the bed so I leaned down on
my elbows and got a good look at his dick for the first time. It was massive… At least compared to what I had seen before,
at least eight inches long and really thick with a big mushroom head at the
tip. I opened my mouth and he moved
forward, slowly slipping his penis between my lips and I savored the first
taste of dick I had ever gotten. I
doubted I could do much more get his head into my mouth but to my surprise, I
found I had a hidden talent. His cock
slipped right past my gag reflex and into my throat as he slowly fucked my
face. His moans rang in my ears as my
throat muscles squeezed his manhood. Marc was gentle as he thrust his cock in and
out of my mouth.
After nearly 10 minutes of sliding his penis in and out
of my lips, I was stroking my leaking dick and loving the feeling of pleasuring
this big handsome man. When he pulled it
out and moved away I groaned in protest but he but he smiled at me and told me
to let him get on the bed. Anxious to see what new experience he wanted to
share with me next, I got up quickly and he took my place.
“Come bring that nice ass over here,” Marc grinned. “I want
you to ride my face babe.”
“Oh fuck…” I moaned at the thought as I climbed up on the
bed with him.
He motioned me to put my knees on either side of his body
and lower myself down and backed up onto his eager tongue. Fuck… His tongue sent shivers throughout my
whole body as it penetrated my now loosened up hole. I moved my hips left to right, up and down,
letting him hit new and deeper spots as he made me bite my lip and cry out in
pleasure. The night stand drawer next to
his bed sliding shut made my eyes flutter opened as I looked down to see what
it was. When I saw the condom and lube
in his hand my whole body shivered in anticipation knowing what would be coming
“You gonna put it inside of me daddy?” I asked him. Where
the fuck the daddy part came from I have no idea…
“Yeah you want this dick in you?” He asked me in reply.
“Fuck yeah…” I agreed as he tore the condom wrapper open,
all the while his tongue still working its magic on me.
I watched him unroll the rubber down his big cock and the
uncertainty hit me. Could I possibly get
this thing into my ass? I had only
played with random things around my house as I experimented with myself but
damn this thing was huge. I wanted it so
badly though… Getting my ass eaten out was making me so horny for this to
happen and I was willing to try if it meant getting fucked for the first time.
“Slide down on it,” Marc instructed me as he poured some
lube out into his hand and stroked himself.
“OK,” I complied as I turned around and moved lower down
I felt his hands on my cheeks as he spread them and slid
his fingers up and down my crack. I felt
him rub his lube slicked fingers against my hole and then slipped one and then
two into me. His tongue had gotten me
loose and hot enough that they slid right in to his second knuckles. Damn that shit felt good… I whimpered in
pleasure at the feeling of his probing as he got me ready to take his
dick. He guided me lower with one hand
on my thigh as he used his other to guide the head up to my twitching
“Relax babe,” He said softly as he reached up and pulled
me to him so he could kiss me.
“Oh shit!” I cried out as he slipped his head in and it
hurt as it strained my butt beyond where it had ever been before.
Marc kissed me harder and held me in place as I tried to
adjust to the sensations of being stretched by his thick mushroom head. Every time he felt me relax, he pushed in
just a little bit farther. It hurt but
his lips and tongue distracting me as we made out made it easier and easier to
let him in. I grunted as he reached the
inner ring in my ass and he stopped moving, knowing it was going to be sore as
he went past it. He reached down and
kneaded my thighs and as far onto my cheeks as he could get to and then he
pulled them apart and pushed me down.
“Ahh fuck!” I gasped as he pushed all the way into me.
“Shh… It’ll be ok babe just relax,” He whispered to me as
he ran his hands over my head and shoulders to help me get past it as my ass
throbbed in protest around him.
“Oh fuck you’re so big…” I moaned as he kissed me.
“Yeah and I’m all the way inside of you,” he smiled up at
me. “How does it feel?”
“Fucking amazing,” I told him as I finally felt my muscles relax and the pain
faded into pleasure.
“Shit yeah babe,” Marc exclaimed as he felt me start
wiggling around to see how it felt. “Ride that big dick. Let it make you feel good.”
“Oh fuck yeah…” I whimpered as I raised myself up enough
for his dick to start sliding up almost to his head before I pushed back down
My eyes closed as I soaked up all the sensations and I
felt myself panting and shaking as I rode this big sexy man. I felt my ass loosening up more and more and
I couldn’t believe how good it felt having something so big inside of me. I could hear Marc moaning and grunting in his
own pleasure as I moved up and down on him.
“Fuck babe…” He sighed. “You’re so fuckin tight.”
“Yeah does it feel good taking my cherry?” I asked him.
“Your ass ain’t virgin anymore,” he laughed and I laughed
with him. “Shit though… You’re so tight you gonna make me cum quick.”
“Fuck yeah I wanna make you cum daddy,” I told him as I moved
up and down, letting his rock hard cock give me pleasure in a way I never would
have thought possible.
“Oh fuck just like that,” he groaned as I rode him
“It feels so fucking good inside of me…” I gasped out as
he reached up and pinched my nipples.
“Fuck! I’m gonna cum let me shoot it on you,” he ordered
I didn’t want to let him out of me but I did what he
asked. He ripped off the condom and
stroked his dick a few times before he cried out in ecstasy. The first shot of cum hitting my left cheek
made me jump.
“Oh fuck your cum is so warm,” I moaned as I leaned in
and kissed him again as a seventh and then eighth shot coated my ass and lower
“Shit… Your ass felt so good,” he sighed as he let his
now softening dick drop from his grip and then raised his head up to kiss me
again. “Sit up. I wanna see you bust your nut all over me now.”
I pushed myself back upright again and my breath caught
as he reached up and squeezed my rapidly hardening dick. It was already slick with all the precum he
had me leaking so he stoked me from base to tip. I was already bucking my hips and I could
hear whimpering noises escaping my mouth that was wide open as I closed my eyes
to savor the feeling. He reached around
my back to get some of his cum that was dripping back down onto his pubes and
balls and the extra slipperiness was all it took to get me to the edge of
“FUCK!” I yelled as I felt my balls pull up tight and my
cock start jumping.
Nothing came out at first except for all the noise I was
making and then all of a sudden, cum was flying out of me all the way up to
Marc’s chest. My white cream was making
streaks all the way across his stomach and pecs. One even managed to hit his cheek and if I
could have pried my eyes open I would have seen him smile and snake his tongue
out to lick what he could get of it.
“Oh fuck that was so fucking good…” I panted as I finally
regained enough of my senses to speak.
“Shit yeah babe that was fuckin hot,” he agreed. “Come
here and lie down with me”
“I don’t wanna get cum all over your bed though…” I
“Fuck it,” Marc laughed. “I’ll wash it tomorrow. Come
here and cuddle.”
“Alright,” I joined in his laughing as I forced my wobbly
legs to lift me off of him so I could lay down and hold him.
He kissed me again and then pulled me into a big hug and
just held me in his big strong arms. He
grinned at me and then kissed me again when I smiled back at him. We stayed like that for the next half hour or
so until we realized what time it was.
We kissed a few more times as he found a towel and wiped what cum was
left off of me that hadn’t dried up by then.
“I hope that was
good for you babe,” Marc said as he pulled up outside my hotel and put his SUV
“Oh it was fricken amazing,” I smiled as he leaned in and
gave me another bunch of kisses.
“I’m glad,” he laughed. “Have a good trip back home ok?”
“Thank you so much for that it was so fucking good,” I
As I closed the door and started walking towards the
entrance I heard him call out to me through the window he opened.
“Hey Caleb!” he shouted.
“Yeah?” I turned to see what he wanted.
“Remember: What happens in Vegas,” he said.
“Stays in Vegas!” I finished as I pointed at him and
I heard him laugh as he drove away slowly and I sighed as
I soaked in everything that had just happened.
My body felt absolutely drained but in the best way I had ever
felt. I breathed in deeply and I could
still smell his cologne lingering on me and maybe a whiff of the cum that still
clinged to me.
“Oh shit,” I swore to myself as I glanced at my phone and
saw the time and hustled off to room.
“Caleb!?!? Where the hell were you?” my aunt scolded me
as I tried to open the door quietly.
“Sorry…” I apologized. “I went walking and lost track of
the time and then got a bit lost walking back.”
“How far did you go?” she asked me as the relief that I
was ok and we were still on time crept into her voice.
“Pretty far,” I replied knowing that in a way it was
“Yeah I can tell you kinda stink,” she wrinkled her nose
at me. “Go bathe still get time before we gotta go airport.”
“OK aunty,” I agreed as I hoped she didn’t realize what the smells on me
I grabbed the set of clothes I had saved to travel home
in and went to the bathroom. I stripped
off my clothes and then looked up at myself in the mirror. Rubbing my belly, I looked up and down at my
body. No longer a virgin, I had finally
accomplished what I had been wanting to do for so long now. If there was ever any doubts that I liked
dick, those were all gone now. I could
barely contain the anticipation of what new adventures I could find as soon as
I could get back home.
So what did you think?
Did you like my story? Hopefully
you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed sharing it with you. I have so many more things I could tell you
too. It’s barely been two years since
that trip but once I had that first one out of the way I got brave and even
more horny. What should I tell you about
next? A hookup with one of my teachers
from high school? Some sexy tourists
that I’ve met? There was also my second
encounter which was a wild birthday party orgy which was so much fun. Maybe I
should continue telling you about that encounter with my big local friend in
the park huh? Who knows but you should
let me know which you want to hear.
Gavin and I re-watched the first episode of 7B last night, hit the theories boards and discussed our findings out at dinner (to, I’m sure, the delight of our surrounding patrons… part of me hopes they think we were talking about real people and therefore lead very mysterious and exciting lives!)
Intriguing other diners aside, here are my burning questions:
- If Mary Drake was locked away in Radley for all those years, how and why was she casually chillin in a restaurant (presumably alone) when Peter Hastings walked in, assumed she was Jessica and had his way with her? I mean, she HAD to be in there alone, right? If she was with a nurse from Radley they would have been all “No no, Peter, put your dick away, this here is Jessica’s crazy twin”. Was she vintage Radley’s Mona - skilled at sneaking out and then back in? OR is this another lie and Ron-Ron (my name for Veronica Hastings) stupidly believed that Mary Drake and Peter bumped into each other in a restaurant and, again presumably, had a quickie in the bathroom? Oh, well they were both married (since he thought she was Jessica and Jessica was married to Kenny D) so I guess the bathroom quickie part makes sense… Still - this seems suspicious to me to say the least! HOW AND WHY WAS SHE IN THERE ALONE!?
- WHERE IS MELISSA!? What does she know!? How has this NEVER come up between her and Spencer?! I know she would have been young but I was 4 when my brother was born and I remember the whole lead-up to a new baby joining the family… Melissa is smart and she’s old enough to get married and knocked up when Spencer is a junior in High School (season 1)… I’m not sure they ever give an exact age difference, but if I’m not mistaken she’s out of college when she bring Wren home in season 1… so she’s around 5 years older than Spencer. She would remember a rando baby showing up one day, wouldn’t she?! How did the Hastings explain this to her?! “Ohh heyyy Melissa, this is your new baby sister, Spencer. Yeah, we KNOW Mommy didn’t look pregnant but one day a baby just fell out!” Now I want to re-watch all of Spencer and Melissa’s interactions and see if there are any hints or clues that Melissa knows Spencer isn’t Ron-Ron’s kid…
- This is not a question I have following 7x11 but its a question I have after searching for theories post 7x11 re-watch: WHY IN HANNA’S DREAM WHILE BEING HELD CAPTIVE BY AD DOES “DREAM SPENCER” NOT HAVE BANGS!?!? There is a LOT of “Spencer has a twin” theories floating around and I seriously called bullshit on each and every facet…. until this whole bangs business came up. High School Spencer had no bangs. Post-time-jump Spencer has bangs. These are facts. While I wrote this off as a hair-and-makeup decision (since all the PLLs have come out of the time-jump looking different – especially Ali and her air of soccer-mom) (oh wait, Emily is still dressed in as much sporting wear as possible to remind us she’s Rosewood’s #1 lesbian), a theory I read on the wiki-board yesterday uses Spencer’s lack of forehead warmers as evidence suggesting she may indeed have a twin. Let’s fondly remember the scene… My fav chica Hanna got poached by AD when the whole Scooby Gang tried to outsmart him/her, offering up Hanna as “Charlotte’s killer”. AD fakes them all out by leading them to the bell tower where that freakily realistic Hanna-dummy is hanging (they realize its a mask, if you remember). Then we see Hanna held in a shack, practically naked, being tortured with water and cattle prods (BREAK MY LITTLE HEART!) While being tortured, Hanna has (what we believe is) a dream or hallucination of Spencer being in the shack with her. This Spencer is, let’s face it, rather weird… which did lead me to believe it was a dream anyway. Spencer also gives Hanna that little mental boost that helps her escape and later on, Hanna relays this to Spencer. What I failed to see (cause apparently my observation powers aren’t as keen as I would like!) is that this “dream” Spencer DOES NOT HAVE BANGS. Nothing on this show is accidental… and its not like Troian woke up one day and was all “Oops, my bangs grew out” and the hair people were all “Well, its cool, let your forehead be free!” This is clearly deliberate. Yes, yes I KNOW this could just symbolize Hanna recalling the Spencer that taught her all she knows - High School, bangs-less Spencer - BUT IF THAT IS THE CASE HOW DID DREAM SPENCER AND HANNA DISCUSS AD WHEN THOSE INITIALS WERE ONLY FIRST USED AFTER HANNA WAS POACHED!?!? This is making me crazy…
- Who can we completely and totally rule out?! Wellllll, let’s think. Yes, AD could be a main character and have minions but I believe whoever poached Jenna at the end of the last episode and dragged her into a van and threw off their mask is the actual and total AD so if THAT is the case, who can we rule out? (That’s a better place to start, in my opinion, than ruling people in). We can rule out the main PLLs as they were all there and accounted for and then all at the hospital immediately following the Spencer shooting. We can rule out Mary Drake as she was rocking Spencer and revealing the shock that she is Spencer’s mother (a revelation that, I want to point out, caused Gavin to jump off the couch, scream, whip off his shirt and go running and screaming around my house…) Jenna was dragged off while this was happening so we know its not any of them. Its not Noel (heh) since that’s a death you can’t recover from. We know its not Ostinato (how I refer to Ezra) since we saw him on tv in the jungle hugging his presumed-dead-girlfriend. We know its not Jenna. Its unlikely to be Caleb or Mona as they were at the Radley, being duped by irrelevant-until-one-needs-a-Jenna-lookalike (or seeing-eye-dog) Sydney. There is always the possibility that was not as simultaneous as we are lead to believe, so I’m not putting them in the DEFINITELY NOT column but its unlikely. Chime in if I’m forgetting to rule someone definitely out…. (I’m only ruling out peeps who are officially dead and for whose whereabouts we can confirm at the time Jenna was carted off and shoved in a van by someone in a mask…)
-What was, in fact, Noel and Jenna’s issue? What did the PLL’s “know”? None of us know too much…. They aren’t AD so what was their issue or motive? They know ABOUT AD since at the end of the last episode Jenna blindly feels around at that rubber mask and says “You’re AD”. And now, its over a week later and Jenna is still being held captive (anyone else get MAJOR doll house vibes from the way she drank her tea in a panic? In a pretty china cup, no less?) But she had that SHIT EATING GRIN on her fucking face when reading the Braille and whispering “endgame”… after someone in scrubs and medical gloves took her tea and handed her that binder… WHY would someone want to keep Jenna captive for over a week? And then share secrets with her? I mean, clearly she hates the PLLs and we now know she was friends with Charlotte and knew about Archer Dunhill/Rollins… who is ALSO a British “doctor” (Wren! Wren! Wrennnnnnn!) Could Noel and Jenna have been minion-ing for AD without knowing who they are? Like a nouveau Red Coat situation?
- WHO IS THIS MONSTER!?!!!?!?!?!!
Someone other than the millions of PLL voices in my head please chime in and throw some addition perspectives our way!
Hello everyone!!! I’ve been meaning to make this for a while now, and I feel like it may help some people!! Obviously everyone’s writing technique is different, but I think that making a few technical changes can really help people and let individual style shine through even brighter! These are all guidelines I personally like to follow (I’m an editing major @ uni so I’m 200% a nerd) but in no way does this mean you have to. Please keep this in mind!
Request: “number 15 + murphy? really sad maybe? thank you!”
A\N: Sorry this took so long to post, I had it finished but my laptop crashed and I had to start again xx hope you like it!
Prompt:“How does it feel losing the best thing that’s ever happened to you?”
Warnings: death\near death, swearing
You were not happy. Putting one foot in front of the other in misery, you look ahead at Murphy who’s watching you as he leans up against a tree.
"Come on slacker.“ He teases with a smirk playing on his pretty, pink lips. The same lips you miss having on your own. No, he wasn’t your boyfriend… Yet. But you can’t forget all the hand holding and passionate kissing that have started fires between the two of you. You sigh. You’re exhausted. Not just from scaling the perimeter of the wall to check for any outside muck ups but from being the only person who helped build the damn thing. Okay, maybe you were exaggerating. The only reason this whole thing was bearable was because Murphy was with you.
"I didn’t realise this was a race, John.” You sass back, knowing how much he hates his name. You’re the only one who actually uses it. You lean in the same position he’s in and you can feel his hot breath fanning you. You’re so close to him it’s almost driving you crazy not to touch him.
"Well if it were, you’d be losing.“ He replies, leaning forward so that your foreheads are almost touching. You wraps your arms around his neck and sigh happily.
"Hm, I’m sure we can find something I’m good at.” You smirk and Murphy doesn’t hesitate to place his lips on yours in a wet kiss. You can help but love the spark you feel when he does so.
I hate these writers b/c now I dont trust Ian with Mickey. People say Ian tries to suppress his feelings towards Mickey b/c he is in jail and there is nothing he can do, but is it love? Love is when you care about your partner. +
+ Mickey is alone in jail, maybe he starts every day with a hope that TODAY Ian will come and visit him. Ian’s visits would’ve made him so much happy. He doesnt have this feeling that Ian misses him. Can we be sure Ian loves Mickey when he didnt even stop for a second to think: “What if something bad happened to Mickey? What if he needs me?” Its Mickey who loves b/c after that he will take Ian with him to be left again. And the writers’ll still make him look dirty. I hate them.
Okay, okay, slow down. You put a lot of things together. I don’t know if I can calm you in any way, but I’ll try.
First of all, I just want to say that Ian is a complex character and very few people I know on here understand him at all (but, to be honest, I think most of the people on here didn’t even try that much). What I see is infinite love for Mickey, which is a wonderful character whom I love deeply, with wonderful character development - and then a sort of contempt, or disdain, for Ian. Because Ian’s character didn’t develop towards sanity, towards emotional stability, towards health. Ian’s character went to hell and back. Ian is broken and vulnerable, and, very dangerously , he doesn’t realize it. And, most dangerous thing of all, I don’t think the writers realize it. I don’t think the writers understand him, and this is why yes, I agree with you, I don’t trust Ian in the hands of these writers because I don’t believe the writers want that’s best for Ian, and, since they don’t know and don’t wanna know, Ian doesn’t know what’s best for him. It’s complicated and kinda makes me sick, because, empathizing with Ian, I feel terrible everytime I think about it. Not only is Ian neglected by his family in the show, but he is neglected by the people who created him. And it’s awful.
So, I hate the writers too. But now let’s talk about my idea of Ian, which may not be the same as canon (we’ll see), but I think (probably presumptuously) it’s the closest to the real Ian that the writers created.
Firstly, I just want to say I accept Ian’s behavior in S6 and S7. It makes total sense to me, and I wouldn’t change it at all. Yes, I would cut Sammi out of the equation so that Mickey would have never had to go to jail, because I think that, in that way, Mickey and Ian would have made peace and would still be together as of now.
People complain a lot about Ian’s change with his bipolar disorder, but it’s stupid to talk a lot about it, for me. Everyone deals with their mental illness in various ways, much like being diagnosed with a scary, physical illness like cancer. You can become crazier, you can become suicidal, you can become a killer, you can change completely or you can stay the same.
Ian escaped from his diagnosis, and he’s still escaping from it, after two years. And you know why? Because he doesn’t aknowledge the change it made in his life, he doesn’t aknowledge how the medication affects his mood, he doesn’t aknowledge his losses. Basically, he doesn’t aknowledge his feelings. None of them. He completely deletes himself emotionally. (and, btw, this is why Caleb and Trevor succeed in manipulating him. It’s not Ian’s personality. It’s not how he is. It’s a symptom of his illness that is still there.)
Now that I’ve explained what I think about Ian’s relationship with his feelings, do you understand what I mean when I say that Ian deeply, desperatly, truly misses Mickey, but he’s not able to aknowledge it to himself or others?
I am sure that Ian loves Mickey. Ian has always loved Mickey. Ian fell in love with Mickey since Season 1. Ian will always love Mickey, come what may. The problem is that Ian’s love is censored by Ian’s illness, and if the writers don’t realize this and do something about it, Ian won’t do something about it because he can’t deal with this by himself, and he’s having no help whatsoever, from no one. This is why, fucking fuck of a holy shit fuck, it’s so important for me that Ian goes to the-ra-phy. THERAPY! A smart, empathic, informed psychologist/psychiatrist is (probably) the only chance Ian has to really deal with his illness, instead of running from it and saying that he’s managing it only because he doesn’t do nothing crazy because he pops nine pills a day.
Sorry if this is an Ian-centered post and it’s not what you wanted. But you asked some questions in your ask and I tried to answer as deeply as I could. Can we be sure Ian loves Mickey? Yes, I can be sure. I am sure. Do we know if Ian thinks of Mickey? Yes, I think he does think of Mickey, but tries not to as hard as he can. But he’s been with Mickey for five years. Usually, when you are that long with someone, it’s hard not to think about them everyday. Only because the writers don’t wanna show us, doesn’t mean it’s not happening.
Love is when you care about your partner. Yes, but sometimes multiple things don’t allow you to. Obectively, Ian can’t take care of Mickey, because they are physically separated. Even if Ian went to see him, he literally wouldn’t be able to do anything for him. And that would damage his already very very frail, ill mind. Ian can’t take care of Mickey because he can’t even take care of himself. This is a situation I’ve lived many times. Keeping relationships and friendships in order while having a mental illnes is extremely difficult. People will sometimes feel abandoned by you, neglected, won’t understand you, and you will feel guilty, and you won’t be able to do anything about it, because the illness doesn’t allow you to. It’s as simple as that. You can’t be there for that people. You can’t give emotional support. Because you don’t have it in you and don’t have a way of creating it.
In the end, the point is that sometimes, mental illness will stop you from loving. From feeling love, from knowing how to love. It’s horrible. It’s ugly. It is what it is. It’s not a death sentence. You can learn how to love again, you can remember what it was like. But Ian needs help, and if the writers won’t give it to him, then. Well. Gallavich doesn’t have a lot of hope, because Ian doesn’t have a lot of hope.
I mean. I do believe that Mickey could help Ian a lot, because Mickey knows how to love him, and loves him unconditionally. To be honest, I think Mickey’s the only one who truly ever loved Ian. I think Mickey understands Ian and sees Ian better than anyone (better than the writers, obviously, and better than all of us).But if the writers don’t agree, there’s not much we can do about that.
These are my opinions on the matters you brought up. Please let me know if you have any other thoughts buzzing around. I love talking about these things.
And if anyone wants to share their thoughts too, go for it. I have to distract myself from real life problems. Please, distract me, lol. Have a gif of Ian hugging the only person in the world who sees him and understands him and accepts him for who he is.
Evie stared in disbelief as her brother stood before her. Her own brother whom had been missing for three months… he was here.
”Jacob… is it really you?”
He attacked her. He nearly killed her. He tried to kill her!
“… killed-”, she muttered to herself, “-wait-! Jacob! Have you been the one slaughtering innocents?! You’ve been breaking our Creed?!-”
What was she saying? How was that the first thing that came to her mind? The Creed?! This was her brother… her twin brother; who had been missing for three months up until this very moment. How could she have been so blind? She stayed firm to her orders instead of searching for her own brother.
Jacob turned fully to her and roared from deep within his chest. With his mouth parted, it glowed as if fire inhabited him. Steam, mimicking smoke, bellowed from his very bowels. It made Evie recoil slightly and shiver from head to toe. She brought her arm up to brace for what she expected would be an attack.
Yet, nothing had happened.
There was just silence. Evie Frye lowered her arm slightly and saw that Jacob had up and vanished. She didn’t even hear him leave. Did she imagine it all?
”How did he-” “Evie!”
Henry and a group of weathered Rooks came running into the alleyway; their breath precipitated in the cool, London air.
“Are you alright? Why, you’re pale as a ghost!” Henry said, putting his hand to her face to feel how clammy it was from her sweating. “The Rooks told me about your fight on the rooftops…” Henry looked down to see that her arm was bracing her side; blood glistened against the dark fabric of her cloak.
She was injured.
“You’re hurt. We need to get you to hospital.” He put his hand to her shoulder, trying to walk her out of the alleyway - but she gently brushed it off.
“No,” Evie spoke shortly, turning to look back to where Jacob was, then her vision trailed to the roof tops. “The creature I fought… it’s the one responsible for all of the murders… Henry, it’s-”
“Mr. Green! Miss. Evie!”, another Rook shouted, leaning around the corner of the alleyway. “The beast! It’s done it e‘gain! E’nother one dead! Just a’tta round-about on St. Ive’s Street!”
“We’ll go ascertain it… Miss. Evie,” Henry spoke quickly, his heated breath clouding in the cool air, “-you go with Caleb, he will-”
“No, Henry! You don’t- … . . I have to see what it did.” Her eyes were adamant. Strong. She was hiding something, Henry could tell; but with that ‘Frye determination’ radiating off of her, he couldn’t say no.
After watching “Welcome to the Dollhouse” 5 times I finally feel ready to talk about it. Doesn`t mean that I`m any less confused than I was before, but I`ve nit-picked the entire episode scene by scene, so this is as much as will understand until 6A premieres and we get some more clues and information. So, here we go…
THE GIRLS SPEND 4 DAYS IN THE DOLLHOUSE
One of the things I missed when I was watching the episode on TV was ‘A`s’ schedule. ‘What`s that” you ask? Well, when I watched the episode again, on my laptop, I noticed that in the scene where Spencer wakes up in her fake bedroom, there is a whiteboard on the wall. On the whiteboard is a schedule that -A has left, so they`d know what to expect. Here is a screenshot of it —>
MONDAY - Meet and Greet, Tea Time
TUESDAY - Assign Prom Committee
WEDNESDAY - Prom Prep
THURSDAY - Prom
Friday, Saturday, and Sunday are left blank for a reason, but I`ll get to that later…So 5x25 gives us 4 days worth of stuff. Let`s analyze what goes down…
The girls are being transported to jail. Someone has spread a rumor that Ali and the girls are planning something big in jail. Aria says this -
This jumped out at me because Marlene tweeted a picture of Aria and her pig toy ‘Pigtunia’ and said that it was going to re-appear at some point in the show. That pig was in the barn when Ali disappeared, Aria took it to Iceland, and then brought it back to Rosewood. It`s seen a lot and I think that there is a bigger meaning behind it…
Then -A takes control of the van and kidnaps the girls.
The girl wake up in their rooms, only that they`re replicas of their rooms. Does -A shop at “IKEA”? One of the many questions we didn`t get an answer to in 5x25…The scene with Aria in her room caught my attention, specifically, the photo -A decided to put in her room.
My theory is that the mannequins we see in the photo, and later in the secret vault, represent Charles` family. From the rest of the episode I gather that Spencer is the one most likely to be related to Charles, so why put a photo of his family in Aria`s room and not Spencer`s?
(sorry for the pic, i messed up some stuff and deleted the ask)
AHHH, anon, i am SO PUMPED to talk about Kanan-finds-Ezra AU. you honestly cannot BELIEVE how EXCITED I AM. i LOVE THIS AU. and if i haven’t scared you off yet, let’s jump in!! @muse-on-mustafar and i talked a lot about this, so i figured that i’d basically summarize and maybe talk about what we talked about, if that works. i think all of your questions can be answered in that, but if i miss something, feel free to ask again!
alrighty, folks, let’s dive in for A Very Poor Attempt At Parenting, starring our very own Kanan Jarrus!!! yay!!!
so, let’s start with our darling boys at this stage in their lives - a ten-year-old Ezra Bridger. he’s a bit more rough around the edges than we know him now.
he’s mostly got the thievery thing down pat, but he’s still in a real rough patch, so he’s less scared than he was at seven or eight, but now that he’s not scared, he’s got room for other things - like anger
“[three years has moved him] directly from scared, terrified, sad to pissed-off, bitter, ready to blast the whole world,” is how @muse-on-mustafar described him, and I think that’s pretty perfect
he hasn’t got the façade we see in Rebels quite yet: he’s lacking the humor, the “i don’t care,” persona - instead, he’s being fueled by rage when he’s got no food
and please welcome to the stage a twenty-three-year-old Caleb Dume - um, haha, Kanan Jarrus!
it’s barely ten years after Order 66 and Kanan is trying to fit into his new cowboyish, gunslinging persona
Kanan doesn’t quite have a “Kanan” personality yet
mostly, he has one default setting - not Caleb Dume
Kanan’s great in a bar fight, full of a barely contained temper and a decent bit of swagger, but deep down inside he’s just a scared little kid who hasn’t stopped running and can’t seem to find shelter
so, this is when a very unsuspecting Kanan Jarrus shows up on Lothal looking for a job that means he’s got money for food and alcohol. mostly alcohol.
and, naturally, runs into Ezra Bridger.
(now, @gladiolus-red wrote an awesome intro here, but i’m gonna leave what actually happened vague for sake of wiggle room.)
maybe he passes him on the street, maybe he literally runs into the conniving Loth-rat - whatever. but either way, Kanan’s left staring after the receding form of Ezra Bridger with one thought in his mind:
that kid’s Force-sensitive.
now, Kanan Jarrus is definitely not Caleb Dume. because Caleb would be jumping up and down going “what’s that kid doing here? where are his parents? should we tell his parents? should we follow him? what if the Empire gets to him? should we make him our padawan? we can help him! protect him! feed him!”
so, instead, Kanan Jarrus turns around, walks away, and patently ignores the kid because, well, he should get on with his life.
“Shame,” he thinks to himself, as he remembers the raggedy clothes hanging off the kid’s raggedy frame, “but it happens all the time. Whatever.”
but, yeah, here’s the problem.
he can’t ignore him.
it takes maybe three or four days, or maybe that’s just how long Kanan can ignore it, but he begins to realize that the kid…that he knows the kid.
(not, like i have met him before or having a mind meld with with this strange kid where he suddenly knows all his secrets, of course. but it’s how he knew his friends back at the Temple or his master. he knows the kid, knows where he is with a vague mental map or tug or string that ties him to the kid, that tells him where the kid’s at.
and being tied - having pressure, responsibility - to the kid…that scares Kanan most of all, even more than the idea of the Empire’s jackboot coming smashing down on Lothal.)
by that point, Kanan doesn’t care how good the pay is at his job or that they even offered him his own apartment, free of charge, as an employee perk. next ship, he’s getting off this rock.
and so Kanan sits in the bar, slumped over a space whiskey or space mead or space ale or whatever, when the door slides open and he does his best not to jump out of his seat and run the opposite direction because, well, the kid’s here.
What’s a kid his age doing in a bar, Kanan thinks almost immediately, then thinks immediately afterwards: Why do I care, I don’t care.
instead, he doesn’t move, maintaining the careful look of a half-drunk, half-sleeping field worker (it isn’t hard)
meanwhile, he listens carefully to the argument going on in the corner of the cantina, which is getting more and more nasty
(looks like someone thinks the kid owes something, the kid says he doesn’t, says he did the job, whatever)
Kanan doesn’t care but suddenly the Force is telling him that kid’s about to take a knife to the gut so Kanan stretches leisurely and saunters over
Hey, he thinks to himself, I’ve been on Lothal two weeks and not gotten in a bar fight yet. Might as well acquaint myself with the locals.
so all the gang members look over and so does the kid, which is when Kanan finally gets a good look at him and is also when he inwardly groans
Kid’s got a nasty black eye and more than few scratches and bruises and has the look of someone who’s obviously malnourished
Kanan, nice gentleman that he is, introduces himself
“Hey there,” he greets, “heard you were having an argument.”
the gang’s not too keen
“Get out of here, off-worlder,” sneers the biggest, nastiest brute as another stands up and, yep, Kanan was right - he’s got a wicked sharp vibroblade. “This ain’t your business.”
Kanan really doesn’t care
“Well, I don’t know about here on Lothal,” Kanan drawls, “but in the rest of the world messin’ with kids is a no-go.”
(at least it is in Kanan’s book, because he remembers what it was like to be young and defenseless.)
the kid’s looking at him like he’s lost his mind
meanwhile, the gang’s looking a little too angry, so Kanan takes action.
meaning he takes one guy and bodily flings him into the wall
“So,” Kanan says, slamming one guy’s head on to the table and cracking another’s head against the ground, “don’t do it.”
the kid, meanwhile, recovers his wits
“What?” the kid shouts in to the melee, “I can look after myself!”
“No, you really can’t,” says Kanan, glancing around at the stunned bartender and the other wide-eyed patrons before bodily shoving the kid and himself out the bar.
(and if you can’t see it because for whatever reason it’s not showing up on my blog, there should be a “keep reading” tag under here. if you can’t see it on my blog, just click on the post itself and that should direct you to the entire post. hope that helps!)
The dinner’s going well so far. He drove you the three of you in a diner he discovered on the way to your apartment and currently you were seating, Caleb and Calum across from you. Caleb has crayons scattered and he was drawing on a paper Calum had brought and he was looking at him in admiration.
You learned so much about him during the short ride on the way to the diner. He used to be in band with his three best friends whom you met earlier that day and that he is working at a company and sometimes a music tutor at weekends. He also told you he was single dad and he became a dad really really young. You didn’t ask further questions about Caleb’s mother anymore. With the small amount of time you’ve spent with the little guy, you have fallen in love with him and can’t help but admire his cuteness.
You and Calum continue to talk about your lives when Caleb shyly pulled his dad’s sleeve and stood up to whisper at him. “Daddy what’s the pweety girl’s name?” you chuckled and pretended you didn’t hear it. Calum laughed as he look at you. “Why don’t you ask her instead?” he sat down and hid behind his dad’s arms and looked at you. “I’m shy daddy” you smiled at him.
“Hey what’s your name kiddo?” you leaned to him. “Caleb.” you reached out a hand to him. “Well Caleb, nice to meet you! I’m Y/N.” his dad nudged him and he reached out to shook his hand. You smiled at him and he smiled at you back, mirroring the same smile on his dad’s face right now.
Your food arrived moments later and the three of you ate. When you were done, the both of you fixed Caleb’s crayons and you picked up the paper on the table to give to Calum when you noticed it has you name on it. It was a stick figure of a girl with long hair in red crayons with your name under it beside with 2 stick figures who were supposed to be Calum and Caleb. “Is this supposed to be me Caleb?”
Caleb shyly nodded. “Can I keep it? I’ll post it on my place yeah?” he looked at you and his eyes light up. “Really?” you nodded. “Yeah. This is a masterpiece!” he grinned and nodded. Caleb went to the backseat and Calum opened the passenger seat for you and drove back to the apartment.
When you reached each others you waved goodbye and you gave a kiss to Caleb. “Thanks again Y/N for finding Caleb around here. Good to know I have a friend already here.” you smiled “No problem! It’s nice to know that I have new friend here also. You should go in now, Caleb looks really sleepy.” he nodded and smiled at the boy in his arms.
Few weeks passed and you were becoming closer to Calum and Caleb. Sometimes he invites you in to watch a movie with Caleb and during weekends you all go out for ice cream and play at the park. It was a constant thing already between the three of you. But these past few days, Calum was getting busier in work so some movie nights and dinners were cancelled. It was okay for you though, you were working overtime at some nights also since you were saving up.
One day on the way home from work, Calum was calling you non stop. You answered immediately “Hello Calum? Is everything okay?” your voice worried. “Yeah, I’m sorry Y/N but can you pick Caleb from soccer class? I tried to ask the guys I promise but they were all busy and I’m stuck here at work. I need to finish a deadline and…” you cut him off “Hey I’m alright with picking him up no need to ramble” you chuckled “Just text me the address”
You took a cab on the way to Caleb’s school. You entered and you saw Caleb talking to his teacher and he was the only student left there. He saw you and instantly ran to hug you. The teacher smiled at you and walked to you. “I’m really sorry for being late, his dad couldn’t pick him up.” the teacher smiled at you. “No worries Mrs. Hood I love Caleb around here.”
You blushed at his words Mrs. Hood, well that sounds good. you shook your thoughts away “Uhm I’m not his mom, I’m just a friend of his dad.” “Oh I’m really sorry, I just thought..” you nodded. “It’s okay. Let’s go Caleb? Wanna grab ice cream on the way home?” he nodded enthusiastically. “Don’t tell your dad though”
You grabbed ice cream on the way home and Calum texted you to stay at his apartment while waiting for him since he was on his way home. It was already 8 pm so you already gave Caleb a bath and made him dinner and right now he was playing with his toy cars while you were watching TV.
“Y/N?” Caleb looked at you hopefully. “Yes sweetheart?” he starts fidgeting. “Are you dating my daddy? Are you gonna be my mom?” You were surprised. You haven’t thought it that way. You and Calum weren’t dating and you didn’t think he was going to ask you in one. Lately, you found yourself thinking about him though. You were becoming close to him and you were starting to fall for him.
“I don’t know darling.” you pulled him in your lap. “But I want you to be my mommy.” you sighed. “I don’t think your daddy wants me to be your mommy” he shook his head. “I heard daddy talking to uncle Mikey the other day and he said likes you! Please be my mommy, I don’t have a mommy and everyone in my school has one” your heart swelled on his words.
You kissed his head and slowly he fell asleep on your arms. He looked just like Calum; dark skin, chubby cheeks, brown eyes and he was beautiful. You loved this boy truly and seeing him like that made you sad.
The front door opened and a tired Calum came inside, expecting his son to greet him with hugs and kisses to take away all the exhaustion from work but only to be greeted with silence. He went to the living room and he saw the both of you sleeping on the couch, Caleb on your arms while you were laid there.
He laughed at the sight of you sleeping with your mouth open and Caleb drooling on your shirt already. He noticed that Caleb was already in his pajamas, thinking that you probably gave him a bath already. He realized how good you were in taking care of his little boy. He kneeled in front of you and pushed your hair away from your face staring at your face.
You were so beautiful in his eyes right now and he sighed. He has liked you the first time he saw you and he still haven’t managed to ask you out on a date. He was scared on being rejected. He was scared that maybe you didn’t want to be there for him and Caleb. He knew that if you dated him you weren’t just gonna be there for him but you’ll be there for Caleb too and he was scared that you didn’t want to be a mom for him yet. But looking at the sight of you with Calum, he gained some hope.
“Calum?” you wiped your eyes. “How long have you been in here?” he sighed ”I just arrived.” he picked up Caleb from your arms and took him to his room. He came back to the living room and you were fixing your things already. “Hey Y/N? I was.. uh… do you wanna go out t-tomorrow?” he looked at you.
Your eyebrows raised in confusion. “Park with Caleb?” you were kinda expecting him to say no, to say that it was just the two of you. “Uh yeah” another failed attempt to ask you out, Nice try Calum, he thought. “Of course! Usual time?” he nodded and you gave him a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow”
Tomorrow came and you were watching Caleb running around the park, trying all the slides and seating at the swings with his new found friends. You were laughing at the little boy when Calum spoke beside you “He’s such a big ball of energy, isn’t he?” he laughed. “I know right. I don’t even know where he gets it.” he laughs “Must be from the food he’s eating. He eats more than Michael! and we all know how much Michael eats right” you were laughing loudly when you heard Caleb cry.
You turned around and he was on the ground with a scrape on his knee. You and Calum immediately ran to him. “What happened baby?” he pouted and sniffled. “I fell from the swings” you checked his wound and it wasn’t that big, just a little scratch. “It’s just a little wound, let’s go home and clean it up yeah?” he nodded and Calum carried him when you passed an old lady.
“I’m sorry if I’m interrupting something but you guys are a cute family” she smiled. You were about to say no when Calum cut you off “Thank you so much.” you stared at him as he walked to his car.
The car ride was silent. It wasn’t awkward but you knew there was something. It was filled with the thoughts from the both of you. “You know… It doesn’t sound so bad” you looked at him, “What doesn’t sound bad?” he hesitated and blushed. “Us being a family.” he glanced at you as he parked. “I’ve been meaning to ask you this, but would you go on a date with me?”
You didn’t answer for a while due to the shock and just looked at him “But I mean… If you don’t want to it’s okay. I mean I get it you didn’t want this with Cale-” “Yes” he looked at you surprised. “Y-yes?” you giggled. “Yes Calum I’ll go out on a date with you! Now c’mon and treat this little nugget’s boo boo”
a/n: I hope this doesn’t suck lol but thank you for requesting guys!! Come talk to me on my ask.
Hey Everyone, I really wanted to start up a series when I post chapters every so often. So, if you think this is a good idea please let me know, I love hearing from you! I hope you enjoy chapter one :D
• I know in the TMI and TV series Alec is gay however me and others have totally fell in love with the character Matthew has brought to the Tv show and I was inspired to write this AU. I hope you enjoy the story and share the Alec feels with me :D
• I don’t own any of the TMI characters or story lines, however I do own any characters I may add throughout the story.
PS. I fangirled so much at the Malec kiss!! Aghhhh they are so perfect together!
Warning: A couple of swear words but that's it
Chapter One - A New Beginning
Its funny isn’t it? How we can love somebody for our whole lives and suddenly they are gone, throw out of there lives like you were nothing but a bit of dirt on their shoes. Like you never really knew them.
My boyfriend, sorry EX-BOYFRIEND, Caleb cheated on me with our trainer back in Idris. Yeah I know, classy right? Anyways after i caught them in the act i went straight to my sister, she’s a member of the Clave, Anna. I begged her to transfer me to a Institute, and thankfully she managed to arrange for me to move to New York.
I was currently packing all my belongings to take with me. When i heard a knock on my door. I hesitantly made my way over to open it to be bombarded with questions on why i was leaving.
My best friend Alex stormed in, stopping suddenly when she saw my suit cases.
“ So its true” she whispers, still not facing me. I could tell she was upset, i went to hug her but she flinched from my touch.
“Why?!” She finally said after a minuet of silence.
“ I just cant stay here anymore Al, Caleb cheated on me and the worst thing is i found out from a group of Shadowhunters that I didn’t even know existed…. Al…” I started to choke up “Please…. out of all people I would of hoped you would understand”
I was expecting a huge argument to begin but i was greeted with a huge bear hug. Alex had ran at me at such a force i struggled to stand up straight .
“ I am so sorry Hayley…. I really am… Next time i see that bastard i will fucking beat him to a pulp!” I laughed at Alex’s words and hugged her harder.
“ You do realise your getting a Hayley hug right? The rarest hugs ever” i giggle.
She just laughs as we pull away.
“ Im going to miss you so much Hales” she says whilst looking at the ground.
“ Hey we can always visit each other and don’t forget we can FaceTime whenever you want!” I say reassuringly, putting my hand on her shoulder. She gave me a sad smile
“ Need any help packing?” Al says out of nowhere.
“Sure, I’m glad you asked” i say motioning to the tornado wreckage that was my wardrobe. Earning a chuckle off my friend.
After what seemed like forever, we finally managed to pack my whole life into 2 suit cases.
The car pulled up to the centre building in Idris where we can portal out and in. I was bricking it. I hugged my sister and Alex goodbye and went through the main doors.
“ Hayley Brookfire ” i say to the receptionist. She looked in her mid thirties, hair scraped into a tight bun. Round glasses that didn’t suit her, but she smiled politely.
“Right this way” she lead me down multiple corridors till we finally made it to a large, pale oak door. The receptionist, called Julie according to her badge, opened the door and gestured for me to enter.
“ The Lightwood family are expecting you, good luck Hayley” she smiled and left silently.
I slowly looked around the room, nothing but me, my suit cases and a shimmering portal on the far wall. I crept towards it, instantly intrigued.
I stop hastily, who could possibly be texting me now? I fumble around, eventually getting my phone.
From: Jace Wayland
Hey Hales! Heard you were coming to stay at the New York Institute!! Cant wait to see you its been years.
See you when you get here :p
I instantly smiled at the text, Jace and i grew up in Idris together till he was transferred to New York. It was a sad day, he was like a brother to me.
I sigh, slipping my phone into my back pocket. Then walk quickly through the portal.
As soon as i get to the other side of the portal i am greeted my a huge group of people.
The first person i saw was Jace, his smile brightened the room, and from what you remember Jace Wayland didn’t smile often.
“ Hayley! ” Jace says whilst suffocating me in a hug, did I mention I hate hugs?
“Hey Jace” I say back, smiling as we pull away.
“ Welcome to New York Hales” he says with a pat on my back.
“ LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!” Shouts a small brunette girl. She approached me whilst everyone else started to dance. Can i just say this was some welcoming party!
“ Hey I’m Izzy its so great to finally meet you!” The girl says whilst smiling at me “ I’d hug you but I don’t like hugging people” she says with an apologetic smile. Oh My God! Finally someone that shares my hatred for hugs?
“ Its fine, I don’t like hugging either i say to the the girl loudly because there was music playing.
She grinned. I could tell we were going to get along.
Izzy then showed me to my room where i dumped my bags and leather jacket. I couldn’t be bothered changing. I had black skinny jeans on , a white tank with a black sports bra underneath with my combat boots. I look okay for a party i guess.
I pulled my brown hair up into a ponytail and followed Izzy back to the main room, where the party was. I stood alone whilst Izzy went to get us some drinks. Then out of the corner of my I eye I spot someone.
The brooding boy at the back of the room was the one out of the crowd of people that caught my attention.
His dark, perfectly styled hair moved revealing the most breath-taking face I had ever seen.
Suddenly he glanced up and spotted me staring, shit! I looked away instantly. After a couple of seconds i sneaked a peak at the boy only to find him staring at me with a smirk.
” Thats my older brother Alec" Izzy says appearing next to me with two drinks.
“ How did you-” I begin.
“ Just an Izzy thing” she winked and started a discussion with a faerie.
I look back over to where the boy was stood but I could see him, damnit.
“ Hey, Im Alec Lightwood ” I hear a husky voice from behind me, i turn around to be greeted with the older sibling of the Lightwoods.
“ Hey, Hayley Brookfire” I reply putting my hand out to shake hands. He hesitated for a moment before accepting my hand. His fingers we callused from training, but my heart raced as he held my hand.
Ashley Benson: “You Have to Become One With Your Own Body”
Six seasons into Pretty Little Liars, Ashley Benson feels calmer and more confident than ever. This is how she overcame crippling anxiety—and why she’s opening up about it now.
If you’re searching for Ashley Benson, don’t look in the center of the room. “Big crowds make me really anxious, so I usually find myself a corner and sit there,” says Ashley, 26, who—ironically—plays the outgoing “it” girl Hanna Marin on the hit TV show Pretty Little Liars, now airing the second half of season six. “I’m just really shy with people I don’t know.”
But one-on-one, over brunch in West Hollywood, the California-born actress is incredibly friendly and real. She opens up about her struggle with panic attacks, the crazy pressure on women in Hollywood to be skeletal (no, thanks!) and how exercise and meditation help her feel happy.
So Pretty Little Liars is back—and you guys have jumped forward five years. What is the best thing about that leap for you? To finally be out of high school! I hated being in the school set. The lights were really draining. And being in a classroom just makes you feel “ugh,” like I’m back in school.
What’s your morning ritual? I play with my two dogs. I get coffee. If I don’t have coffee, I don’t function. And I usually do Pilates three days a week for an hour, and I try to box or do SoulCycle two or three times a week. There are times I just want to do nothing! But then I don’t feel good about myself.
Which workout move gives you the biggest results? Probably squats—and not for my butt but for my legs. We usually do circuit training, so I’ll do 25 squats, then I’ll run back and forth, and then I’ll do lunges to the other side of the gym both ways, run, then squats. I can’t move for days!
Do you have a healthy-living idol? Gwyneth Paltrow. I have one of her cookbooks, and I think she looks beautiful. I’m not the best cook, but I made fish, this stew and some soups and salads. When I look at all the pictures in her cookbook, I’m like, “Wow, I already feel better,” you know?
If you could trade bodies with any famous woman, who would it be? Jenna Dewan-Tatum. She is, like, the cutest thing. Her body right now is so incredible—and she’s had a kid! I would obviously say, like, every supermodel, like Candice Swanepoel and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley—but that is just so not my body.
It seems like you haveacceptance about not being a supermodel. Yeah. It’s come up a few times in the last few years, like, “You’re too fat for this.” And I’m just sitting here like, “Wait, what? Do you want a skeleton?” But I feel good. I don’t want to lose 20 pounds, because I don’t need to.
You feel pressure to be skinny to get acting work? Absolutely. I get told all the time to lose weight. I got that a month ago. It’s just weird. With my stuff recently, it’s been, “You have to be skin and bones or you’re not getting it.” There was a point where it was getting to where a size 2 was great. I’m a size 2, but I think that a size 4 is healthy. I think that all of these sizes are healthy.
What’s your body-confidence strategy? I’m still working on it. Really, honestly, if I have to go to an event and I’m not feeling my best? Spanx all the way. Literally. Even if you don’t need them.
You’re so active on social media. Do you ever tire of putting so much out there? I’ve always been very wary about social media. Snapchat I love because you don’t see comments. I love Instagram, but God, it’s like every post, there’s so much bullying in the comments. And that’s the one thing about social media that I can’t stand. There are times I want to delete the picture because I don’t want it to happen.
Are you dating anyone? Dating is so complicated. No, I’m not dating. I hate it. It’s the worst!
Because it’s awkward? The thing is, I have a lot of guy friends, and they are all, like, my brothers. I love to hold hands with people. And my guy friends—especially Tyler Blackburn [who plays Hanna’s ex-boyfriend Caleb on Pretty Little Liars]—everyone’s like, “You guys are dating!” And I’m like, “He is literally my brother.” I love him forever, but there would never be anything there.
Why not? Haven’t you seen When Harry Met Sally…? I know, I know. I’m much more of a guy’s girl. I love hanging out with the guys. I’m not the type of girl who’s like “Everybody put on party dresses, and let’s get our makeup done!” I’m like, “Let’s go to a dive bar.”
So what does a guy have to do to be more than a friend? He has to make me laugh, 100 percent. Be respectful. Personality is key. Likes to travel, and… I don’t really like guys who work out. [Laughs]
Wait—you prefer flabby? Like, there are guys who work out, and there are guys who work out, in the mirror every day, with protein shakes and “I’m at the gym for 12 hours.” I don’t like big guys like that. I like skinnier guys. If there’s a guy who’s super in shape, out the door! Making me laugh is number one. And being adventurous, because I love to just do things last-minute. I’ve never been on a date, I don’t think. I will never go on one.
That’s a bold statement: You’ll never go on a date. I will never! A group date, hanging out one-on-one, yeah. But not, like, an actual date. I don’t know what I would talk about! All my friends are like, “Go on blind dates.” I’m like, “No. Nope.”
What helps you manage your stress? I try to take an hour nap. If I don’t get sleep, I found that I get really bad anxiety. I started getting panic attacks for two years straight. I think it was 2011 to 2013. I could barely go to work. It would get so bad that I would have to leave set. Or I’d be driving, and I would have a panic attack.
How often would you have panic attacks? Every single day. Because I had a crazy incident on set: I had heart palpitations, and I thought I was having a heart attack, so I fainted on set and turned blue. The paramedics were there. Once that happened, I was like, “That’s going to happen to me every single day,” and it was just that constant fear. So anytime I felt some sort of weird thing, I’d be like, “Here it goes…”
Did you ever share this on social media? No. If you’ve never felt it, you can’t explain it. The person I was seeing at the time didn’t understand, and my friends didn’t understand, so there weren’t people I could talk about it to. I felt crazy: Why am I feeling this way? I think a lot of people suffer from anxiety and have panic attacks. And I think it’s good to talk about it.
Do you still suffer from them? I do still get them a little bit. That’s part of why I work out, too, because it has cancelled out the anxiety. I was on Xanax for a long time. It helped, but I decided I was going to be able to self-medicate through meditation, working out, sleeping, eating healthy and drinking more water. I have this meditation app on my phone. I use it at least three times a week. There will be times where I will get [anxiety], but it’s not a full-blown panic attack. It’s just, like, for a couple hours I feel as if I’m going to die. I had a friend who was like that for, like, seven years. She wouldn’t leave her house, and then she finally dealt with it. Anxiety is horrible.
You Instagrammed a quote that said, “Everything you are going thru is preparing you for what you asked for.” What inspired that post? That was when I got told that I was too fat. I was just like, “Why am I even in this industry?” It’s just so depressing sometimes. But no matter what challenge you’re going through, if you’re having the worst day or the worst week or the worst year, everything that’s happening to you right now is happening for a reason that you will see in the future.
Ashley fills us in:
This month, I have been obsessively… Googling the Olsen Twins. I go on the blogs to see what they’re wearing.
I’m secretly kind of awesome at… Cleaning. Like, really OCD about it. Everything in my house has to be spotless.
I was mortified when… I ripped my pants at a friend’s surprise party. I jumped up, wrapped my legs around him and ripped my leather pants straight down the middle. Like, you saw my butt! It was really embarrassing—and really funny.
If I knew I couldn’t fail, I would… Go to cooking school in Paris. I’ve been saying that for, like, the past five years. I think I’m going to.
The most surprising name in my iPhone contacts is… Taylor Swift, from four years ago. She’s friends with Selena [Gomez]. Before Selena and I did Spring Breakers, we were hanging out, and Taylor had put her number in my phone. I have never texted or called, because it’s just weird. It’s probably not the right number!
My favorite spot in the whole house is… My bed. I could be in there all day long—just sit in bed, watch TV, play with my dogs and be super comfortable.
don't let supernatural get you down man here's a prompt if you want it??? From that group that lives together post thing immortal FAHC going shopping for like one thing at Costco? And before Geoff knows it everyone has gone off in different directions looking for different stuff