Facades are only distractions - Jack Gilinsky Imagine (requested)
A/N: This is actually kinda sad, so the warning here really is that it gets a little deep into the feeling of heartbreak (not too deep)
Everywhere I went, I saw him. He was always around her, laughing, smiling. It hurt. The feeling of his lips still lingers on my skin. His warm touch, his fingers gliding through my hair gave me goosebumps. He was still consuming me. I need to stop, I can’t be willing to be hurt by him. He gave up on us to find love somewhere else. He didn’t try, he didn’t think about me, he just went for it, leaving me behind in the rain, Watching them from afar, sulking at the fact he didn’t choose me. Now she’s the one who gets to enjoy his humour, the one to feel his lips trailing her skin, his soft touch. Everything I’ve experienced, only on another girl.
The thoughts about Jack halt, as I see them. They were leaning against the lockers, laughing, smiling at the other like they were their world. I remember when I felt his smile, it was directed at me, brightening my day, always.
Suddenly his head turns, his smiles falters slightly as his eyes glance over to me. I pull my sweater, closer to my body, to try and cover his gaze. I look back up, his eyes still glued on to me. They showed pity, sympathy and what it seemed like, hurt. Good, he should feel the hurt he put me through, of course, the one he had to face, didn’t crush him, didn’t leave him wanting to change everything. He had the easy way out.
Jack begins to let the conversation go, walking to me at a slow pace. My mind blurs for a second before I notice I’m walking the other way. I didn’t want him near me, not when I was too sure I’d break. I make a beeline for the school entrance, rushing out before the bell has the time to ring.
I hear him, I know he’s coming after me. He’s almost there. I know I can’t outrun him, I know I could never do that. So when his hand grabs my shoulder, I halt. But I’m too afraid to turn. Afraid he’ll see the tears begging to slide down my skin, the hurt and pain he’d caused me. Even after what he’d done to me, I didn’t want him to see the pain he caused. Because he knows me far too well to know that he’d broken me. And that’s killing him.
He was never the one to cause a person pain. He’d gone through too much of that in his life.
“Y/n,” my name softly slides through his chapped lips, a whisper. He sounds almost begging.
I don’t want to turn to him, but if I have to get rid of this aching problem, I have to face it first.
So, as I turn, the thoughts of another being able to hold him flood my brain. The tears threatening to spill, slip. One lonely tear, slides down my cheek, hitting the dry leaves that we’d been standing on. I don’t meet his eyes, I’m staring down, at my shoes, wishing I could be anywhere but here.
His finger lifts my chin, my eyes forced to meet his. His touch sends a warm glow over my body.
“She’s no one, please understand that,” he says it do delicately like the information could break me. I don’t believe him, I see the way he looks at her, it’s the way he looked at me, he’s in love.
“Don’t lie to me Jack, please. If you want to stop causing me pain, just don’t lie.” My words are strong, fierce, backing up the facade I’m putting on. The lump in my throat grows, it’s build up, and soon, I’m sure I won’t be able to talk.
“I’m not lying, she’s no one. I’m not in love with her, Y/n, I could never fall again after you.” My breaths hitched, and I’m chewing on my lip, a nervous habit. Why’d he say that? He hurt me, yet he’s the one experiencing withdrawals? I know I should feel bad for him, but anger and passion grow and soon I’m seeing red.
“You think you’re facing the worst of this Jack? You have no idea what if feels like to have the person you love most in the world, tell you it’s over! Leaving you like it was easy! You have no idea of the pain I had to go through! But thanks to you, I found myself. I found out who I really am.” I’d moved my shoulder so his hand fell to his side. I’d taken a step closer, my voice rising. The anger pulsed through my veins, the adrenaline was pumping. I was on a high.
“This isn’t you Y/n! You’ve never been the one to rebel! You are kind, sweet, smart, everything but this! Please, just come back, come back to me,” his voice broke, tears were building up, I could see the glossiness of his eyes. I know this isn’t me. Wearing stuff like this, missing school, skipping class, it’s all just not me. I’m not a person to do this, I never have been. But after everything Jack put me through, this was when I felt less pain. Emotions were white noise, drifting in the background, the pain was less felt. I didn’t feel like drowning anymore, I didn’t feel like the whole world was on my chest. I didn’t feel weak, vulnerable or pathetic anymore. I felt strong. But this was all but true. I felt it, but it wasn’t real. It was only a facade, one that I didn’t truly believe was the real me. It was only a distraction, a suffocation of where I could hide away from my problems.
“Please, I need you. I can’t breathe when you’re not around, I can’t focus, everything is just harder when you’re not with me,” his begging surrounded my thoughts. The visuals of him with that girl, faded away, replaced with happier times.
Without really thinking, I fell on to him, my arms wrapping around his waist, pulling him close to me. His arms instinctively went around my shoulders, his head placed on top of mine. I could feel the cold tears pouring down from his face, hitting my cheek resting against his chest. I let everything go, the pain, the hurt, the facade, everything. All I could think about was the feeling of joy radiate through me. He was mine again.
“Thank you,” my voice was muffled by his chest, but he could still understand. He understood that I’m going to let him help me. Help me fix what was so clearly broken. He knows I could do it on my own, but I need someone to be there when I get cut on the jagged pieces. Someone to hold me, to heal me. Someone by my side to help me, help myself.
I pull away from his embrace, the coldness hitting my tear stained cheeks. I’m smiling now, up at him. His eyes are shining, they’ve got a spark in them.
“Leather jacket and combat boots, totally hot,” he wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his side, walking somewhere that wasn’t school.
“Maybe hot, but it gets heated up in here.”
One thing I loved about Jack, was his personality allowed him to have a conversation with someone, like nothing and ever happened. It made me relieved, that I didn’t have to have a lecture.
Underneath my darkened heart, there’s a light that’s trying so hard to be seen. And I know it’s going to envelop me, I know this, because I’ve noticed a little bit shining through.