i think about this so much

I kept debating about whether or not I should post this cuz of how depressing it is, but I think I should.  Basically, if I could give one piece of advice to young Trans girls of color it would be “Don’t trust anybody”.  Not your friends, not any nonprofit, not the ~~radical~~ QPOC collective that does slam poetry every Thursday night, nobody. 

Put yourself first and keep your guard up; be selfish.  And if any queer tells you this is wrong or bad or not revolutionary tell them to fuck themselves.  If these same cis people can make sloppy stencils saying “Queer Existence is Queer Resistance” they should have the capacity to understand that being a TWOC is basically just coming up against challenge after challenge.  I say “should” cuz so often they don’t display this capacity.

If you feel you should, or need to, do community work don’t volunteer too often and definitely don’t put your heart and soul into it (or, like me, your self-worth).  These people are more likely to only use you for a grant at best, and actively work against you at worst.  If you’re unlucky enough to work at a nonprofit remember that it’s just another job, it’s just another cog in capitalism.  Don’t burn yourself out for them, don’t work overtime.  Do what you need to do and get out.  And honestly?  If you can, look for another job.  I know it’s really hard to find any kind of job, and even more so if you’re out and transitioning, but working for a nonprofit is precarious at best, doesn’t really help your resume, and pays terribly.  I say this all from experience.  The worst part is that if you’re working for a nonprofit and you think you can challenge people a bit on their politics, you’ll probably get pulled aside and told that this job is obviously not the right fit for you.  Get a paycheck and get out.

I worried about selling out, I dedicated my all free time to organizing and nonprofits and collectives, to the point that my grades suffered and now my undergrad GPA is too low for most grad schools.  And of course, I burned myself out.

You’re not the representative for all TWOC.  I can understand wanting and trying to be that, the impulse to educate people, I did a lot of that.  But it will wear you down, and people will only keep demanding more from you.

Unfortunately, you should even be careful which TWOC you trust.  Some will just use you for articles, will steal your work, will call you out to make themselves “the good one”.  Be careful.

And last, but maybe most importantly, don’t trust trans men.  Don’t.  You might think that you all have something in common cuz of your transition, but you don’t.  And if they’re in charge of a group, that’s not gonna be a safe group for you.  If you’re just starting out your transition they’ll hit on you, take you shopping as an excuse to check you, and they’ll manipulate you.  Again, this is from experience.

I know this seems paranoid and Kafkaesque, but you need to trust me, these things will happen and you need to be on the look out.  You can ask almost any of the TWOC on here if this is true, and they’ll tell you it is, even if they all disagree politically.  We’ve all shared this experience, and a lot of us end up isolating ourselves as protection.  I don’t want to see that happen to you.  So many of you are so optimistic, so excited for the future, I don’t want you to be disappointed and disillusioned.

Take care of yourself.  Guard your heart.  Move slowly.

Good luck.  <3

Meme

for kubis: Sense8 (I have a feeling this won’t be super exciting tho!)

send me a fandom and i’ll tell you:

  1. my beautiful cinnamon roll too good for this world fave: Kala, Sun, Nomi, Capheus…
  2. my trash-shit fave: Lito! <3333
  3. my I love to hate them fave:not really…
  4. my I hate to love them fave:no one, all the sense8 are my bbs
  5. my I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire non-fave:Sun’s brother D: D: D: D:
  6. my I didn’t care about them either way at first but the fandom makes such a big deal about them now I can’t stand them non-fave: no one yet, but Will could well be it. I like him as it is, but with enough exposure I could stop.
  7. my I could take them or leave them kinda non-fave: at times, I’m not as into Amanita. I think it might be because, oddly enough, she reminds me too much of the role this actress played in Carrie’s Diaries. But I like the ship. It’s just that the acting bugs me a tiny bit.
  8. my I will go down with this ship and I won’t put my hands up and surrender, there will be no white flag above my door. I’m in love and always will be fave ship: Lito/Hernando
  9. my dirtybadwrong fave ship: not really… I don’t ship it terribly much.
  10. my they’re cute together and I dig them but I’m not all that terribly invested kinda fave ship: Amanita/Nomi
  11. my I didn’t care about this ship either way at first but the fandom makes such a big deal about it now I can’t stand it non-fave ship: look below.
  12. my MAKE IT STOP non-fave ship: Daniela being inserted into the Hernando/Lito ship. To me that’s simply gross: she had no boundaries, behaved completely inappropriately and in a straight privileged, straight gaze kind of way, using queerness for her gratuitous titillation. I like how they dealt with her plotline and characterisation and that we learn why she behaved that way and I particularly like that she becomes friends with the gay couple (even though she still acts in a way that would be a complete deal-breaker for me), but her sexual interest in them is gross and I hate it and I don’t want it romanticised (it’s basically worst slasher behaviour on speed). I feel about this particularly strongly because as a lesbian*, coming out to anyone who’s a dude, I’m always worried if only a tiny bit, that - considering the saturation of lesbian porn for straight dudes - it (my LIFE, my IDENTITY) is going to end up as wank fodder for someone. To see such behaviour on screen and find out people think it hot… UGH.

    *technically bi, but I feel more comfortable identifying through my relationship, bi-erasure bi-damned. (My first bad pun of the day! :D)

I’m so deep in Dragon Age hell, especially in the section called “Solas” that I think I might need a new blog just so I can reblog all my Solas stuff without feeling guilty of spamming the followers in this blog who totally didn’t come for him LMAO.

8

TWD characters 8/?

when bap comes back the first song on the album that drops should be the warrior intro with yongguk saying “warrior is back” and then zelo following up with “we gonna rock this (again)” and then i’ll know bap is truly back and ready to slay me and i’ll accept on my knees with tears in my eyes

i LIVE for the pictures of gerard where hes in all black and looks so emo and out of place in a totally normal setting. 2002-mall-goth-teen-forced-to-go-outside-by-his-mom-era gerard is the best.

im so excited about the thought of seventeens future comeback!! like theyre going to have a new theme and new clothes and new hairstyles omg theyre all gonna look and sound so good im so excited!!!

8

Thunderbirds Telephone Drawing Game [Round One]

So, the challenge was to draw a scene and then to write a up-to-500-character description which would be passes onto the next person for them to draw. That person then wrote a description, and passed theirs on, and so on and so on; kind of like a art Chinese whispers.

Artists were: lenleg, then thunderbirdalan, then boldlygotohelll, then thunderbirdgordon, then obscenelybefuddled, then gordonssquidy, then robot-sex-guy and then finally artisticrainey.

and I have NO IDEA what happened to the description by the time it got to Rainey but OH MY GOD I love it. This was so much fun! Thanks for taking part guys! <333

even if you dislike what they did with Ema in AJ you have to admit have relatable she is I mean she was young and bright and excited about her future but then she grew up and realized things weren’t panning out the way she wanted and became snarky and bitter