i take blurry photos


Evenstar shawl knitted. Border lifelines not taken out yet and I have to block it. I had to frog it once at least 1/3 of the way through. I watched endless murder mysteries and crime procedurals while knitting. So this color is appropriate. It’s a wedding present for my cousin–the color is called “love is a verb.” I’ll take better photos once it’s blocked.


So! I’m one of the artists taking part in the awesome @gfwayfaringstrangerszine project! And I really wanted to show a preview for my piece, but….well, I couldn’t really do a zoom in on details because there’s only really one area of details? And I didn’t want to spoil that…so I figured I’d show some of the MANY concept sketches I did! Mainly involving me messing with Ford’s clothing design because…essentially the entire premise of my piece is Ford wearing a poncho, not even kidding xD But he looks damn good in one, so I think I’m justified.

Some of the notes around some of the doodle are actually my notes for when I was planning the piece! There’s actually quite a few nice ideas in there that I didn’t actually include in the end…on one you can see a concept thumbnail in the corner? That was another idea where rather than being in the open desert environment that I went with in the end, he was in a busy desert city - an idea I TOTALLY would have gone with if I’d had more time. Because I reaaaally liked the idea of hiding random codes in posters and stuff. But alas! It was not to be. That said, there is some code in my finished piece. 

Bonus - a clearer doodle of the rifle and straps:

My experience at the CMBYN Q&A (w/ Timmy & Luca) at the Landmark Theatre Friday night

Okay you guys, more rambling ahead! 

Lots of details after the jump, but here’s the exciting part: I GOT TO MEET LUCA! After the q&a session, Luca and Timmy hung out a bit to meet-n-greet. I said hello to Luca, told him how much I love and admire his work (my interest in him is actually how I first learned of cmbyn), and thanked him for this beautiful film. He said “oh thank you, thank you” in that lovely Italian accent, and signed my copy of the cmbyn edition of Little White Lies. I love him so much, so this was a huge deal for me! Never did I imagine I would have an opportunity to stand face-to-face with Luca and express my admiration and appreciation for his work. It really meant a lot to me and I”ll admit I have teared up about it a couple times today!

Timmy was there, too, but much harder to get to. He was mobbed pretty quickly and then shuffled out fast by whomever was telling him what to do. I did get fairly close to him, tho, so I got to see his beauty up close.

Okay so here comes my story, a few fun details from the q&a, and some awful blurry photos (I swear I cannot take a decent photo in a high pressure situation - these are BAD)! SPOILERS ahead…

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if sep had a social media account he’d probably start it with the intention of just having it be professional since he’s an important figure in the castle and he wants people to respect him but it would eventually just devolve into weird selfies and photos of spit fyre


I’m the sort of person that loses hope pretty fast. I guess when you get used to things not going the good/nice way, you can become that person and I did. So when yesterday, Martin’s security guy told me that he wasn’t going to be signing that day, and he couldn’t say regarding the rest of the week my hope to see him again, give him the present we bought him and maybe have the chance to take a photo with him was gone in those seconds it took for the security guy to walk with me to the end of the block.
I had tickets for today as well. The play was again superb. Martin and Tamsin do a great job on stage and it’s so funny that you can enjoy it regardless whether you know about English politics or not. I won’t say much about the play because I don’t want to spoil it for the lucky ppl who will be able to go and see it. You can ask me privately if you want details.
When it was over and I went to the SD, my heart started beating very fast. There were ppl there already and the bars were set. He was going to sign today.
I waited and the guard confirmed this. And then Martin came outside. Beautiful, smiling, kind, attentive as ever. He signed and took photos with everyone.
And let me tell you: when he takes a photo with you or talks to you, there’s nothing else. He is there in that moment with you. He is not rushing, he is taking his time, he is looking at you and pays attention. You don’t feel out of place, you don’t feel like an outsider, he makes you feel good. I was nervous of course, my body was responding in the way my mind was not, so my first photo came out a bit blurry. So after he was pleasantly surprised and thanked me for the present (and even remembered me) and went to sign the others, I stood by until he returned. I asked him if we could take another photo because it was blurry since my hands were shaking so bad. He asked me if my hands stopped shaking now, and I told him that No, they were still shaking. Martin asked then won’t the photo be blurry again, what can we do about that? So I asked him if he can take it for me and he said of course, and he did. I handed him my phone and with his steady beautiful hands I came closer and he took the photo. I thanked him again and again, I was in loop mode I swear. He thanked me back. And then i told him how much he means for me.
So that was it which is really not because now, and since I hopped on the bus that took me here, I have not stopped crying.
They are happy/sad tears. Because you don’t want to not get used to seeing him, and listening to him, and see him smiling, and hear his soft voice and his kind gestures. You want to get used to the opposite. You don’t want to give up on something, even 10 minutes after a long day, of something great, good, nice, lovely, happy. But we have to, and I know I have to. It’s going to be difficult. But I guess all good things, things that are worthy or that leaves you something important inside when they are finished, are.