i swear to god this changed my life why am i putting so many tags

part 1 of: i love this fandom and you guys make me emotional

Everyone is being so sweet and adorable and emotional today and I just felt like I should add my valentine’s sugar to it too. 

I got this blog almost two years ago, not coincidentally when I moved to Texas with just my boyfriend, from Florida from where I had spent my entire life in. I was very alone and since I’m not the coolest of cats, making friends has been…extremely difficult lol.

But getting this blog, and joining this fandom, I’ve really found myself looking forward to come home and see who’s posting on the dash, see who’s chosen to grace me with their follow, or who’s left me a tumblr message (remember, before the IM system haha).

@sinuyasha and @inukag were the first people to welcome me and reblog my writing and just became my overall points of contact for anything fandom related. I felt accepted and wanted and this was the only corner of the entire internet I could really call home. I can’t thank them enough for always being genuine and kind and beautifully forgiving ladies. On top of the fact they’re funny and gorgeous so I really lucked out befriending them. I owe my entire blog to them, and my activity, and my heart.

Later on I’d come to meet my squad, @kristicles @thequeenwillruletheboard @narkik @mirsan and @ohstarfire, and grow an overwhelmingly wonderful bond. I mean dudes, we went to Disney AND Universal Studios together. I’m pretty much married to them. (Which does mean you guys have to give me half your shit in case of divorce). I’m keeping it short for ya’ll cause I don’t care about you at all (I would set fire to myself if you thought for one second that was true). You are my people. You are my shots of whiskey in the dark. 

To the fandom:

I really would have never expected to feel love radiating from some of you towards me. I feel in my heart I don’t even deserve it. I have done nothing (or everything wrong). And you guys posting your fics and your art, and your edits, and all you’re LOVE and you’re FRIENDSHIP, it holds no value because it is PRICELESS. But I feel it towards all of you. I get it. It’s weird it’s unheard of maybe for a small anime fandom, but I FEEL IT. I love you guys. I would never want a single one of you to leave, or if you do have to leave, just please stay in touch. Please keep updating your fanfiction.nets, please keep updating your artwork online when finished, I just…

If you’ve been in this fandom for the past year, you get it. And it almost feels like we’ve all collectively been through some drama here and there together. I’ve made mistakes, I regret getting involved in things all the time, but I appreciate every single one of you who hasn’t deleted me from their life. I appreciate how I can still turn around and count on you guys to be there for me. And I will always be there for you. I love that after a giant cloud of darkness shrouded us, freaking @inuyashapositivity pops up like a ray of sunshine. We are an amazing incredible wonderful fandom and we are loud and vibrant and beautiful. 

@onikik, @little-known-artist @wreathoflaurels, @arnavsinghraizada, @gobodosama, @artistefish @meselfandwhy, @inuijiness @starzki@scribefigaro @smilebomber @kaze-ranna @412rebelled @hanmajoerin @ashcanvas (SHHHH…ASHLEY I DIDN’T JUST ADD YOU THIS MORNING BECAUSE I HAD A BRAIN FART LAST NIGHT…ILY) you guys have seen me at my worst and for some inexpiable reason you’re still my friends and I respect and admire you so so much. I really can’t put into words properly, but my respect for you is something that can and will never vanish. I consider you guys a huge reason why I enjoy the Inuyasha fandom as much as I do. I’m comfortable around you guys and I hope you feel the same way around me. I love you guys, and I would do anything for you. I’d end someone’s life for you. I’d jump into battle for you. I’d throw all my money at your face if I knew it would make you happy. Thank you for being my friends. Really. You are my inner-circle, and without you, I am just a square. 


I’ve met some new people in the past year, who maybe I don’t talk to but I feel like I’ve gotten to know more simply through the small interactions we have, and whom I’m so so so happy joined tumblr to grace us with their content, their presence, and their overall humor and love and joy. 

@grapefruitwannabe, I remember I was in a stream with you and someone was urging you to post your sketches and you were reluctant about it, and god now look at you. Your art is incredible. It’s unique, it has a style, it has movement. You give a tremendous amount to the fandom and you never ask for anything in return. You are so nice too? You know how rare it is to find kind people who are just the sweetest creatures ever? You are a precious cupcake too good for this earth, and we so blessed to have you. 

@sess-kik I knew from the moment you made the taylor swift/kanye west meme, that I regretted not being considered one of your friends. You are fucking oustanding. You are hilarious. You make my ribs hurt. You are like a baby beyonce. I mean that. Picture yourself as beyonce’s’ child because that’s how I view you. 

@justafewsmallsteps you know what’s crazy is that I followed and admired you from afar for so so so long. I am a huge fan. I mean. HUGE. I mean, ridiculously huge. I mean I may have printed out your art and have it stored in my cabinet so I can look at sometimes because I was that (maybe i still am idk) obsessed with your work, and to find out you are a shining ball of sunlight and positivity and love and friendliness. You know…what that feels like ? It’s like meeting a Disney Princess in real life. 

@coquinespike HAHA LOOK SOMEONE TAGGED YOU AGAIN. I’M SORRY. Listen I actually always see you in my notes. I always read your tags cause they’re fucking hilarious. Your comments on things are A+. I don’t know why I didn’t start following you sooner. I am an idiot, what else is new. Cheers to the future.

@keichanz what took you so long to join tumblr, i keep asking myself this question. EVERYONE KNOWS THE KEIZ FROM FF.NET. You are always supporting InuKag and the fandom and there’s a lot of bloggers that I know would not be the same without your presence. I see names all the time that were just quiet little daisies, and you watered those plants and now look at them. You’ve inspired so many people, and you are always just so generous and so loving. Thank you for writing, thank you for participating in events, thank you for being the oil in the inukag gears. Quite literally. 

@lovely-taijiya GABY. DID YOU KNOW THAT I THINK ABOUT YOU ALMOST EVERY DAY. Okay well. Now you do. I get so happy when I see your art on my dash. I get full of butterflies and good feelings. If you were around I would hug you constantly and hold you close to my heart, because you deserve unnerving amounts of love. 

@kag-san you are a gift granted to us by the gods. you are an angel. you are a walking living breathing version of the virgin mary and I would weep at your feet if i could because I think you deserve everything in life and more. Trust me when I say the people who ship things, make me ship things harder. And this candle for KagSan is now a torch and it’s setting my house on fire but I couldn’t be happier. 

@piggy-in-pink you are like Sesshomaru. And by that I mean you are silent and we may cross paths and look at each other and I would be totally fine with you killing me because I admire you just that much. But no honestly, you are wise and clever and I love your work and your existence a lot. Thanks for never changing your url also, it makes life so much easier. (TAKE NOTES PEOPLE)

@mmhinman I remember the first time I went to your blog. You submitted a bunch of wonderful art for InuKag week late, and it blew my mind. I couldn’t believe someone would submit SO LATE but also have it be SO QUALITY. Haha. Your art brings me life, and I can’t thank my lucky stars enough that fate pushed you my way and onto my dash. Thank you thank you thank you. 

@macabre-and-cheese you know that really cool girl in the lunch room who sits with her posse, and is immensely more awesome than you and dates all the attractive people, and knows all the cool songs and she could say “frosty” once and it becomes a meme catchphrase, okay yeah, you know that person? that’s you. on my dash. that’s you. I’m always like “if i reblog this onto my personal, my personal blog gets that much cooler” and I think I have 80 followers on my personal blog now and I owe that all to your and your coolness i swear to god I do. 

@kago-make-dean-some-pie YOUR URL IS SO LONG. EXPLAIN IT TO ME. I love that I’ve gotten to know you better and your AMVs are the bomb dot com. You are so willing to make others feel amazing and wonderful and I hope you feel that way every single day of your life. You are so down to earth and I love you very much.

Keep reading

Picture Perfect - Chapter 16

And we’re back for another installment.  I’m so sorry (always) about the time between updates, but between the Olicity Hiatus Fic-A-Thon (@olicityhiatusficathon), Camp Nanowrimo, and my Real Life being complete crap, I swear I got it to you as soon as I could!

Enough about me and on to the main event!!  Tags are below the Read More. Don’t forget to let me know if you want tags in future updates and sneak peeks!

Read the full chapter on:

AO3 or FF.net


Excerpt:

Oliver was at war with himself.  More accurately, his emotions were at war in his head.  He was simultaneously furious and terrified all at once, both emotions clashing to figure which one would win in the end.

How could she have kept this from him?  How could Diggle have let her keep this from him?  And it had been going on for months now.  Months.  Oh, God.  Anything could have happened to her.  Stalkers escalated.   And she’d had a stalker for months, one that apparently everyone knew about, including Bruce Wayne.  

That stung.  Felicity had trusted Bruce Wayne with her safety instead of him, her resident vigilante.  What did Bruce have, really?  A big bank account?  So did Oliver.  But Oliver also had mad ninja skills, as they were lovingly dubbed by Felicity, and she had to know that he would put every single skill in his quiver to use to protect her.  She was family.  More than.  And just like he’d put everything on the line to help his mom, he’d do the same for her.

He looked back down at the calendar and his stomach dropped, the anger fading into terror once more.  A stalker was after Felicity.  His Girl Wednesday.  Felicity, Diggle, and Bruce obviously knew nothing about him or he wouldn’t have been able to get this close to her.   Diggle would’ve taken care of him the second he had a lead on the guy, without question our hesitation.  Which meant Felicity and all of her genius hadn’t been able to track him down, despite the fact that he’d been delivering her things.  He’d been in her apartment.

“You’re not going home.”

Felicity spluttered at his proclamation.  He would have found it adorable in any other situation, but right now he was too wound up, too focused on the safety of the woman he knew he couldn’t live without, to appreciate how cute she could be when she was shocked.

The fact that she now had a stalker who was clever enough to evade Felicity Smoak’s tried-and-true location tactics was likely Oliver’s fault, and the only thing he could think about was how badly he needed to fix it.  People with the kind of skills required to successfully keep themselves off of Felicity’s capable radar didn’t just go after unassuming IT girls.  No, it was much more likely that someone had discovered her association with the Hood and had set out to hurt her to get to him.  It was his greatest fear come to life before his eyes.   This was why he’d told her he couldn’t be with someone he could really care about, which she absolutely was.  He was a man with a mission which could create so many enemies, so many potential threats to her if anyone were to find out about their relationship.

It killed him that she was already in danger.  But he could save her from this one.

“Yes.  I am.”

But only if she’d let him, apparently.  Okay, he needed to try a different tack with her.

“How secure is your home?  When were your locks changed last?  The windows?”  He’d been so lax with her security.  How could he even claim to care for her?  He’d known something was going on, and sure, he’d trusted her to take care of her own security.  Computer genius, remember?  But apparently, that had been a terrible decision.  He should’ve taken her safety as his top priority.  He hadn’t, and now here they were.

Before Felicity opened her mouth to respond, Bruce cut in, reminding Oliver that he and Diggle will still in the room.  Well, at least he could count on John being on his side in all of this!

“The building’s security has been updated.  We have cameras and everything,” Bruce assured everyone in the room.

Oliver scoffed.  “And obviously those have worked so well.”

“Probably just as well as Queen Consolidated security.  Or did you miss the part where this psycho has been in here, too?”  Bruce shot back.

As livid as he was, he couldn’t really argue that point.  Wayne was right, the stalker had been up here, too.  “Diggle, I want the Executive Floor sealed.  No one gets up here without our say so.  And I want a security sweep done at Felicity’s apartment.  Anything we can update, we will.”

Felicity’s hand on his forearm was the only thing that pulled him back from his full-on panic mode.  Softly, but forcefully, she spoke, “Okay.  You need to calm down.”

He was in awe of her.  She had every right to continue her freakout. There was a madman messing with her head, threatening her, and she’d rightfully lost her cool.  But the second Oliver lost his, she screwed her head back on straight to pull him out of his spiral.  He should be the one comforting her, not the other way around.  But, he couldn’t help it.  The thought of something happening to her had him panicked with the need to ensure her safety.  If there was anything he could do, anything he could buy, anyone he could maim to keep her out of harm’s way, he’d do it without hesitation.  Felicity Smoak had become Oliver Queen’s oxygen; there was no him without her.

“I’m going home.  I’ll be fine there.” She palmed his cheek, her fingers lightly scratching in his stubble before she yanked her hand back, like her limb had acted without her authority.  He immediately leaned toward her, missing the connection between them, however brief it had been, but her next words stopped him dead.  “Obviously, nothing is happening until Thanksgiving anyway, so logically it’s perfectly fine for me to go home.”

It bothered him, how flippant she made that remark.  Like it was okay that some psycho wanted to hurt her.  Like she expected him to leave her alone until Thanksgiving now that he’d given her a deadline.  And worst of all, it sounded like she thought it was inevitable, that he’d already won, that Thanksgiving was her deadline, literally, and that she’d accepted it.

Everything in him rebelled.  “No.  Your safety is not to be taken lightly.  I need you to be safe, Felicity.  Please, you have to come home with me,” he pleaded with her to let him keep her near him and safe, to not stop fighting.

“I’ll be perfectly safe, Oliver.  But I’m not letting this guy force me to stop living my life,” she stated with conviction.  

“Fine,” he acquiesced.  “But if you won’t come to the manor, please let me make sure you’re safe.”

She grabbed his hand and the relief he felt at having her back in connection with him is palpable.  “Oliver, I will be safe.  I promise.   Bruce lives across the hall,” she gave him a small glare at his audible scoff before she continued. “The security system is off the charts since he bought the building.  It’s fine.”

“That’s not enough for me.”  It wasn’t.  It obviously hadn’t worked yet, and he’d be damned if he was leaving her protection up to some half-cocked pain-in-the-ass who had only known her a few months.  There was another option, but she wasn’t going to like it.  “If you insist on going home, I’m coming with you.”

Her eyes widened, mouth dropping open.  “That is not how I wanted to take you home with me.”

Oliver ignored the verbal faux pas and the amused smirks shared between Bruce and John, focusing solely on the most important thing: getting Felicity to agree to let him stay with her.  “I’ll sleep on your couch.  Just, please, let me come stay with you until we get this guy.”  It wouldn’t be fun.  He’d seen her couch and it was likely only ¾ of him would fit, but it would be worth it for him to only be twenty or so feet away from her at night.

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“Your choice is a full security sweep, a new security system installed, along with new doors and windows, or you can let me stay with you.  I will sleep on your fire escape if I have to.”  

She held up her hands in mock surrender. “Okay, okay.  I relent, under protest.  You can come sleep with me.”

He was fully prepared to let that one go, too, but apparently, she wasn’t.  “Oh God!  I meant inside my place.”  Then she choked.  “Not my place, but my place.  My apartment! YES! Apartment is the word that goes there.”

He couldn’t describe how it made him feel that her inappropriate babbles were still intact.  She couldn’t be too far gone with worry if she was still making sexual innuendos about him, and that was worth more to him than anything else right then.  Although, he hoped that she didn’t see the eyebrow waggles that Bruce sent Diggle’s way.


Tags:

@missyriver @hope-for-olicity @oliverfel4 @smoakinggreendesires @sweetme86 @monetsmark @coal000 @bwangangelic @almondblossomme @miriam1779 @jaspertown @lover4eternity @geemarie @lynaye1993 @sweetdawn129 @bowtiebrianna14 @tdgal1 @olicity-in-the-heart @lovethishealthylife @wedoitallthetime @wherethereissmoak @angelalafan @reddier2 @fallingmeleth @creativelylisa  @daianestima @chachurka @candykizzes24 @xtina-lynn @thesoundofthunder  @olicityloveolicity @olicitysmoaky

It’s Okay

Summary: At best, Phil just ignores him. At worst, Phil is tempted to be an axe murderer just for his special bow-down-before-your-mighty-lord-you-lowly-peasants mannered neighbor, but Phil is a nice person so he’s never acted out on it. One day, though, he’s proven that there’s more to his neighbor than meets the ice-cold and totally not dazzling honey-colored eyes.

For quite some time, the boy doesn’t look up so Phil thinks he’s going to be ignored. That’s fine. He’s used to it. He stands up and turns around to go to his own apartment.

“I don’t know what to do.”

Phil stops walking and turns around again. The boy has looked up, though not at him, and is wiping the tears away from his cheeks.

“It’s just, I think… I think the world hates me or something.”

(From this prompt.)

Keep reading

6

2K15 six selfie tag thing tagged by @cishetwhitemales and @fineartwhore

all i can really say rn is… wow haha

man oh man

the first two pictures were from late 2K14 but i included them because that was around the start of my senior year of high school. so many changes… 

i had just regained my best friend back after allegations of lesbianism and pedophilia were made against us by the “higher members” of our religion. the decision had been made between them and her parents after invading the privacy of our text messages which they interpreted as a homosexual relationship. granted, we were both bi {i was biromantic asexual at the time} but we weren’t into each other that way. we were just really intimate friends. close friends. but y’know everyone assumes that if you’re gay then you must be a pedophile, too. :) no one had spoken to me, had tried to get my perspective on things… and as far as my best friend was concerned, they just saw her as a hypersexual pedophilic bisexual slut that needed to be shut down. 

so they had us separated and neither of us were allowed contact for about 6 months to a year i think. it was after all that that i really started to question what i believed in and what i stood for. who God was and if i wanted to be apart of his “will”. before i had taken a back seat when it came to feminism and pro-blackness on Tumblr, just viewing it as a spectator, scoping things out. my religion is very homo and transphobic, racism “doesn’t exist”, slut shaming is rampant, gender roles are highly enforced, and you are not allowed to have any part in trying to change the government because “man is imperfect and cannot change the system of things without ultimately God interfering”. we were also supposed to be “separate from the world” which discouraged freedom of expression through clothing. so with having all of those dogmas pressing down against my brain, i was very cautious about everything and i denied my heart.

but at the end of the day, i am an artist and i was constantly finding creative ways to get around things. my faux septum in the first pic really worried some people of my religion haha. my mom just told them that it was my “artistic alter ego” so that folks wouldn’t pry, but that wasn’t an alter ego or some character. that was me. i liked piercings, i couldn’t have any real ones so i made my own. and as the year went on, i continued to experiment with fashion and dressing the way i wanted… sometimes dressing less, wearing shorter dresses and wearing fishnet and collars and things. just as a person i become more and more accepting and i took a more active approach in feminism which eventually became womanism as i accepted pro-blackness and the progression of poc. i was more open with discussing topics like race and misogyny, and soon the rights of the lgbtq+ community. 

a couple months before the fifth picture was taken, gay people in the United States were granted the right the freely marry. i was so excited and proud that day! i had been at work. i worked at a variety and novelty store where we had happened to sell gay pride flags and so many people came in to buy them and i spoke to them and it was the most beautiful thing ever. my place of work was in Midtown Atlanta which is known for its gay pride anyway. and there was this huge parade and parties going on and restaurants and other establishments were having celebrations. but as it went on i grew sadder and sadder. because even though i was biromantic asexual and was technically apart of the lgbtq+ community… i couldn’t be. because my religion and the Bible was against that, and to openly show these people and this cause support would be blasphemy against God. i couldn’t get married to someone of the same sex and i couldn’t show support for others like me.

it was then that i realized that i was apart of this community and this is where i wanted to be. in the fifth picture was when i actively began noticing that i wasn’t all the way “cis” and that maybe i wasn’t just a girl {i was a boy that day} because i had just really began understanding the concept of transgender. i knew that with all these changes and with me finally coming to accept myself and others that i could no longer claim this religion. and y’know what? i didn’t want to. i was done trying to sneak ways in to influence them all to become more accepting. trying to find ways to be a “conservative” supporter because ultimately i wasn’t. i was in this and i was damn passionate about it and i wanted with every fire that lit my hear to be apart of it. in the sixth, i am happy to say that i am an unapologetically pro-black womanistic genderfluid black agnostic witch {who went by he/him pronouns that night}. by the start of 2K16, i will be able to be freely and openly me as i will no longer be living under my parents’ roof. i will be starting my freshmen year of college where i can pursue any course of life that resonates with my soul. i will continue to spread love and creativity and remain on the pursuit of knowledge, acceptance, and justice.

and i want to thank all of you for sticking with me. i swear to you that i’m here for you. i’m listening to you. i am fighting for you to be simply and beautifully. why? because i love you. and i always have. :)

personal thanks to the og, my senpai, the first woman i developed a real crush on and the one who started it all @pervyguru. i was so enchanted by you that i wanted to impress you and be apart of everything you were into esp. pro-blackness and spirituality. and you also rekindled my interest in manga and anime. :P i don’t slut shame anymore because of her. she helped pave the way to me becoming more accepting because she was unlike any person i’ve ever known. also thanking @onyourtongue, @proteinpills, @localhipsterruinseverything, @marfmellow, @luhshawnay, @hantisedeloubli, @babeobaggins, @sensitiveblackperson, @2jam4u, @black–lamb, @girlswamp @freetinking, @iluvgirls34@welp-i-tried, and @last-on-your-lips for both separately and collectively educating me on racism, pro-blackness, colorism and my lightskint privilege, the fluidity and concept of gender and sexuality, sex work and putting an end slut shaming, spirituality, religion, and witchraft, fat and body positivity, mental illness (and how it doesn’t make me less of who i am) and physical disabilities, and ultimately showing respect and taking a stand. you have all been a very important influence on the person that i am today and you best believe that i am going to continue to become this badass individual and spread this knowledge and love and demand justice and respect… i just can’t describe how amazing things are going to be and how i am going to be a force in the wave of change that all you are apart of. just thank you. i am so glad to be joining all of you. :)

tagging @lunathesavage, @babyfairy, @granolafuckgirl, @girlswamp, @spaceualentrepreneur, @deathgripped, @uglysuccubus, @uglybunnii, @localhipsterruinseverything, @freetinking, @the-og-woc, @05-fubu, @callmekalani, @last-on-your-lips, @darkcocoamermaid, @dreamingoflennon, @welp-i-tried, @bodyofbugs, @nisanikai, @phnxrsng, @kitsune-cable-knit, @xjetsbee, @screamingqquietly, @cupcakeflavoredcocaine, @cocaine-flavored-candies, @vudka, @peachy-nymphet, @thesourprincess, @crowmurder {i miss you!!!}, @la-nymph, and @hugs-for-slugs. if you’ve already done this, please tag me so i can see! <3

1D: THE CONCERT ADVENTURE

as promised, now that i’m slightly less exhausted and sore and frenzied and existentially fucked up, a detailed report on my reactions to the 9/11 show itself. this is going to be LONG and maybe SILLY because it’s less about what actually happened and more about how my wild mind processed everything, buuuut here we go:

Keep reading

Is destiel your OTP?

WELL IT’S MINE AND I JUST SPENT FOREVER THINKING UP AND CHANGING OTP AU IDEAS FOR THEM.

katdensetsu LOOK I DID THE THING

Feel free to use these. If you do, tag me! Because I wanna read them all.

1. I was a little (okay, a lot) drunk and I called the wrong number and started talking about my life and you only interrupted me after I basically told you every detail about myself, but now you’re kind of concerned about me and where I’m at so you ask me where I live.

2. “How are you not hung over?”

3. You were my best friend (and first love) from age 4 to 16 and now we are in our 30s and we both ended up in our home town at the same time but you’re married and I have a kid.

4. This is my first job and you’re my really hot coworker and I’m on blender duty making smoothies and god damn it I just turned the blender on without putting the lid on it because you bent over and you have a really nice ass.

5. You come into the gas station while I’m trying to work, and you talk too much (but I like it) and you’re going to get me in trouble if you keep hanging around, do you want to go to the movies with me next Friday?

6. We have this stupid inside joke about cowboys that we use every single day at school, but you’re going to college and I’m going to Europe and I miss laughing daily about cowboy face. Now, we are both back home and I just came up from behind you while you were pumping gas and whispered, “cowboy face,” in your ear and that’s how you ruined my favorite shirt.

7. We’ve gone to the same high school for four years and we are only speaking because you’re failing history and I’m being forced to tutor you.

8. I just want to save the bees, so you’re going to take this damn flier and listen to me talk for 15 minutes. “It’s not cute, it’s very important. Stop looking at me like that.”

9. I know you don’t know who I am, but my roommate’s significant other is staying over and I can’t handle another second of them moaning. Please let me sleep on your couch.

10. I have to pick a subject to photograph for my art class and my brother says you need cash. Please, do this. I’ll pay you.

11. I know its 3 am, but I’ve been studying for 12 hours and I need coffee and this is the only place in town that has a coffee machine, and since I broke mine I’m going to need you to fix this and fill it up pronto.

12. It’s way too late and finals are nearing and I’m running on Red Bull and Hershey bars, but I think there’s someone in my dorm room. Please save me.

13. I just jammed the office printer and you’re our new tech guy. I’m sorry I don’t know shit about electronics, but damn, are you single?

14. I found your USB drive in the computer in the library and I’m sorry, but I had to go through the files to find the owner. You write really nice poetry, by the way.

15. I don’t have a clue who you are, but that’s my ex, so I’m going to need you to kiss me now.

16. I ordered pizza because I’m babysitting my little brother and you were the delivery guy. Do you always write your number on the change?

17. We met on a Sunday morning while doing the walk of shame from two separate apartments in the same hall. Was your night as fucked up as mine?

18. You’ve been creeping on me from across the campus lawn for way too long and I was going to say something but you’re drawing me and I don’t know whether to be freaked out or flattered.

19. I swear to god I’m not a creep you just look like my friend from behind and that’s the only reason I just cupped your ass cheeks with both hands.

20. I transposed numbers in a phone number and sent a shirtless selfie to the wrong number but you replied anyway and now we’ve been talking/texting for months and I think it’s time to meet.

21. I really hate cats and I’m so allergic, but you just brought home the ugliest stray I have ever seen and damn it, I think it likes me

22. Your brother told me you needed a place to stay and my roommate just got married and moved out. Welcome to your new home.

23. My brother set me up on a blind date and your best friend set you up on yours and you sat at my table on accident and now I have to find a way to ditch this chick because I really like you.

24. Why in the hell are you mowing your lawn at 4:30 am? The sun isn’t even up yet.

25. You totally forgot to close your blinds and I just got home from work and you’re baking a pie in your underwear. Did I mention pie is my favorite food?

26. I’m really, really drunk and I have no clue where my keys are so please help me before I start crying.

27. Our daughters are in the same class and you brought yours to my daughter’s birthday party and hello you are pure sex, and, no, we can’t bounce in the bouncy castle. There are too many 6 year olds, it could compromise our coolness as dads.

28. You’re the gym teacher and I’m the history teacher and you look ridiculous(ly good) in those shorts.

29. I don’t want to be at this wedding and apparently neither do you, but there’s an open bar, so I guess that makes things okay.

30. I told my parents I was gay and now they keep trying to set me up with any and every queer man they see. So, I made up a boyfriend and now they’ve invited him for dinner, but he doesn’t exist, so I told them he can’t come and now they insist on pictures of us. I can’t keep pretending I forgot to take a picture with him. Please, random guy at McDonalds, take a picture with me.

31. You’re a soldier and I saw you off for your first tour overseas. It’s been a year and I miss you so much, but now, I’m waiting for you to get off your plane. ((Is it happy? Is it sad?? No one knows!))

32.  “What? No, I didn’t realize I was going 25 over the speed limit. No, damn it, I’m not crying. I’ve just never been pulled over before and I haven’t slept in 48 hours. Please don’t arrest me, I’m already late for work.”

33. We dated in our 20s and you broke my heart, but now we reconnected and I may be losing my mind, but I think I still love you.

34. I heard you can pick locks, so could you help me because I left my favorite pen in the class room—fuck you, it’s not funny, that pen is lucky.

35. We are pretending to date so you can make your ex jealous, and I just accidentally said I love you and you said it back, but I’m pretty sure you thought I was making for an authentic experience, but I meant it and I just got caught up in the moment.

36. I hate planes, but I can’t drive across country in the amount of time I have and you fly places all the time. So, thank you for helping me calm down.

37. The Bible guy on campus won’t let me go, so you rescued me by pretending to be my gay lover. Now, Bible guy is speechless.

38. “Hey, I just need to borrow—OH GOD! Where are your pants?” Alternatively:  You just walked in on me giving myself a little hand action. Why the fuck don’t you ever knock?

Love Yourself

Pairing: Kurtbastian

Summary: Fix it fic for 6x01 & 6x02. Kurt is struggeling after his break up and he doesn’t know how to deal with any of it anymore. Until he meets Sebastian again.

Words: 3.390

A/N: Lots of this was written pretty fast and in the middle of the night, I’m sorry. On a more positive note, I’m almost done with the rest of it. Depending on my free time it should be up in the next few days.

Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

~

Part 1

Kurt couldn’t believe it. The guy had just up and left. Because Kurt ‘wasn’t over his last relationship’.

He swallowed hard and looked at the next table. The two men were deeply concentrated, staring into each other’s eyes and whispering softly.

What the heck?

This was speed dating. People weren’t supposed to look like they were so in love they might get married on the spot. This was supposed to be… fun and non-binding. Grinding his teeth, Kurt got up and walked to the exit as well. No reason to stay longer and listen to more five minute introductions of people he never wanted to see under any circumstances again. He went through the door and promptly walked right into a passerby. Suppressing the urge to bite the person’s head off - oh, how being a New Yorker was becoming more and more second nature - Kurt only mumbled a low 'sorry’ without looking up and tried to get past the man.

'Hummel?’ Kurt froze. That was the voice from hell. The voice that had filled his nightmares for weeks during Senior Year. Slowly he turned, looking very much like the deer caught in bright lights.

'Sebastian Smythe.’ And he looked just the way he had in high school. Still tall and slim and a beaming smirk and… had his shoulders gotten broader? Kurt frowned. That wasn’t fair.

'Wow, what a coincidence. Millions of people in this city and we still meet. How are you?’

I’m going to be sick.

'Fine. Just… fine.’

'Me, too. That is one of my favorite cafes, by the way. They have bagels to die for.’

Then why haven’t you chocked on one yet?

'It’s such a shame that they waste their Wednesdays with offering speed dating. I mean, good luck for those people, they’ll need it. But do they have to do that here? Once I dared to venture inside on a Wednesday and I swear they were so desperate, they looked at me as if I they wanted to kidnap me,’ Sebastian laughed. It was a clear laugh, despite what he was laughing about it didn’t sound condescending. Kurt hated it. If he stopped to think about it for a second, on this day Kurt actually hated everything. From the speed dating, over the blue sky, to the contagious laugh of Sebastian Smythe. Who was still talking.

Wow, he sure likes to hear himself talk. Kurt hadn’t reacted much at all, but it hadn’t deterred Sebastian even a bit yet.

Suddenly Sebastian paused. His gaze hanging on the café window, then it slid over to Kurt, from his face to his chest and back to his face. That was the moment it clicked in Kurt’s head.

I forgot the name tag.

'It’s Wednesday. You were speed dating.’ The expression on Sebastian’s face turned horrified.

'I am so, so sorry. I swear I wasn’t trying to make fun of you.’

‘You’re being nice,’ Kurt whispered in appalled disbelief. It didn’t seem honest coming from Sebastian.

‘Really, I’m sorry. I’m sure speed dating totally works for some people. Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones. It does sound like fun if I think about it.’

‘Do you even know what I’ve dealt with in there? An accountant who did the stereotype of the boring accountant more than proud. Then there was one guy whose eyes constantly looked into different directions. I know that’s not his fault, but it did freak me out. Especially because one of his eyes was directed at me, while the other kept following the waiter. And you know what was wrong with the only even remotely attractive guy? He thought he was psychic. Psychic, Smythe.’

‘Oh, well. I told you speed dating is for weirdoes.’

‘You didn’t tell me before I decided to do it.’

‘Well, uh, obviously not. But I’m sure one of your friends…’ Sebastian started but trailed off when he noticed Kurt’s expression.

Kurt glared at Sebastian so hard, Sebastian almost expected to drop dead any second.

‘Okay, bad topic. Did the psychic at least see anything funny in his glass ball?’ Sebastian grinned, obviously trying to lighten the mood.

‘He ‘saw’ that I’m not over my ex-boyfriend. Hilarious, isn’t it?’ Kurt snapped.

Sebastian started biting his lips, clearly insecure about something.

‘I’m sorry. That probably sucked.’

Kurt groaned. ‘Why are you being so nice? I just keep yelling at you. When did you stop fighting back? Oh my god, I’m practically venting to a stranger. I mean, not a real stranger, but… I don’t even like you. The people in Ohio were right, New York made me insane.’

‘When you start agreeing with anyone who prefers Ohio to New York, you need to take a deep breath and reevaluate your choices.’

‘Did the city do this to you as well? Has it turned you nice?’

‘Uh, no? I told you I wanted to turn over a new leaf in high school and I tried really hard to be nicer. I even helped at your-‘ Sebastian stopped. ‘At the, you know, proposal.’

Pain shot through Kurt’s chest like a dagger, but he didn’t react. Instead he crossed his arms and stared at Sebastian critically.

‘You can’t have changed that fast.’

‘Kurt… It’s been more than two and a half years since I apologized to you guys. I’d say that’s a lot of time to get into new habits.’

Two and a half years? Since high school?

Kurt didn’t understand why he was so confused by this. True, he hadn’t expected Sebastian to actually change. But lately there wasn’t much left he could comprehend.

‘I don’t need to deal with you. I don’t want to deal with you. I don’t want to deal with any of this.’

‘You sound awful.’

‘Maybe you were right and my life is destined to be awful. Do you want me to message you when I quit school and wear an apron again? Goodbye, Smythe.’ He turned around, fully intent on walking away. There was a crumbling sound behind him, then Sebastian called him back. Kurt didn’t even know why he stopped at all.

‘Wait. Take my phone number. I know I’m not your favorite person, but next time you think about doing something stupid like speed dating, just call me and I’ll talk you out of it. Or, you know, if you simply want to vent. It’s better than nothing, I guess.’ Sebastian took his hand, put the note on it and forced Kurt’s fingers to close around it. Balling it up in his fist, Kurt walked away.

‘Still not dealing with you.’

Deep down Kurt wondered why not even fighting with Sebastian made him feel like himself anymore. But he was too tired to think about it.

~

For some time, Kurt forgot he even had that number. Since he never planned on actually using it, he put it in the box in the living room where he stored everything he didn’t know what else to do with. He could easily have thrown it away, but something held him back. It wasn’t a god or fate or anything. More than anything it was Kurt’s vindictive streak, which he still denied he even possessed. So many great, terrible things could be done with phone numbers. Kurt thought about using it to sign up for some telephone surveys, getting Sebastian some subscriptions for annoying ringtones or simply writing it on the wall of a bathroom stall in the trashiest gay bar he could find. But so far Kurt hadn’t manage to muster up the motivation to do anything with it. Some part of him knew it was because he didn’t hate Sebastian anymore, couldn’t hate him anymore after how nice he had been to Kurt when Kurt had actually been at his most vulnerable.

And so the note was idly lying in the box of forgotten things.

The first time Kurt actually remembered that it was there at all was a few weeks later, while he was getting ready for a blind date.

Sebastian had said to call him if he was planning on doing something stupid. But he wasn’t doing something stupid, was he?

A blind date was perfectly reasonable. Kurt Hummel was getting better and it came all down to his own willpower.

And it wasn’t like it was the creepy kind of blind date. He had been chatting with Josh for a bit over a week, he had seen several photos and had even talked to him briefly on the phone to confirm they were both actual human beings. Only briefly because they had agreed to have their first real, offline conversation face to face. Even with all the internet obsession of his generation, Kurt prided himself in being a traditional romantic like that.

This is it. No more pining, I’m definitely moving on. This is going to be great.

One last look into the mirror, confirming that he looked as hot as possible for him, and then Kurt left for his date.

~

This was a disaster.

He didn’t want to be alone right now. To his utter dismay he realized that it was his only option, though. Santana was gone and completely unavoidable if anyone called her, as were Brittany and Mercedes. Rachel had gone into hiding. Artie hadn’t really talked to him since before the break up because he had been too busy and Kurt somehow didn’t feel comfortable to come running now. Even Elliott had left for one of his yoga holidays again.

Kurt started pacing through the living room, tears still streaming uncontrollably down his face.

What am I doing? I can’t… I need to…

Taking a shaky breath, he came to a halt as his gaze lingered on the box of forgotten things. Sebastian Smythe.

‘Call me, even if you just want to vent.’

His feet carried him to the shelf as if he was on autopilot. He opened the box and right on top of the pile was the small slip of paper with Sebastian’s phone number. Mocking him.

This is a stupid idea. Don’t do it, Kurt.

He got his phone out and dialed the number before he could talk himself out of it.

I’ll just hang up again. If he doesn’t answer after three rings I’ll just-

‘Sebastian Smythe, at your service. And even wearing pants for once,’ Sebastian laughed and Kurt could clearly picture the smirk on his face.

‘Sebastian? Here’s Kurt. Can I talk to you?’
‘You’re already talking to me, tiger.’ Kurt tried to laugh but it turned into a miserable sob.

‘Are you crying?’

‘I’m messed up. I’m so messed up.’

‘Care to tell the story from the start? Or do you just want vent? Told you can do that if you want,’ Sebastian said and it didn’t sound mocking at all. Kurt would’ve almost said he sounded as if he cared a tiny bit. However, it all didn’t really matter. He just needed to talk to someone. Now.

‘I went out on a date.’

‘Was he so bad in bed you started crying? Because that doesn’t mean you’re messed up. Happens to the best of us, it’s not your fault when guys are so bad that you have to chase them out of their own room with a pillow and then you escape through the window.’ Sebastian’s voice drifted off and for a second he was quiet, as if he hadn’t realized what he was saying or who he was saying it to. Kurt frowned, unsure if that was truly a story he ever wanted to know more about. He shook his head to clear his thoughts.

‘I was waiting for the guy and…’

‘He stood you up, but then one of your old one-night stands appeared with his whole family and his sister recognized you and screamed through the whole restaurant that you’re the asshole that ruined her favorite sheets with her brother when she left the room for ten minutes?’ Kurt drew in a deep breath, gaping. Did things like this happen to Sebastian all the time?

‘Uhm…’

‘Oh, right. Tell your story. He was waiting and then?’

‘He was late-,’ Kurt paused to swallow drily, this time, however, the line stayed quiet.

‘I remembered that Blaine was always late to our dates. He… he was actually late the day I… when I ended it. So I kept thinking about that last date and I saw his face right in front of me. How he kept crying and begged me to not do this. Do you know what he said to me? He said he’ll never forgive me for this.’ Kurt stopped talking, a fresh wave of sobs fighting their way up his throat.

‘I started crying in the middle of the restaurant and then Josh turned up and he looked so good, but I just said sorry and left. I left crying, Sebastian.’

‘Let me guess, you didn’t stop crying since then?’

‘I can’t stop. I don’t know why, I just can’t stop.’

They were both silent for a while, the only things audible Sebastian’s even breathing and Kurt’s faint sobs.

‘I don’t know what to say, Kurt. I don’t know how to help you. You’re clearly not doing very well. Don’t get me wrong, it’s understandable after everything that happened between you and Blaine. But maybe you should get some professional help. An outside opinion.’

‘Do you think I’m losing it?’ Kurt asked, his voice sounding every bit as exhausted as he felt. He didn’t think everyone seeing a therapist was crazy, but when it came to himself Kurt just didn’t know anymore what was normal and what wasn’t.

‘No, that’s got nothing to do with it. Sometimes we just can’t get through something alone. It’s okay to need help. You know, I actually saw a therapist after… after David’s attempt. I felt guilty and I knew I needed to change, but I had no clue where to start. It helped a lot. I know this probably sounds like nothing to you, spoiled little rich kid has too-‘

Before Sebastian could talk himself into a rant, Kurt interrupted him. Absentmindedly he massaged his right temple with his free hand. Headaches caused by tears ranked among the worst headaches possible.

‘I’ve thought about it before. I just, I was always so convinced that I’m strong enough on my own.’

‘Then do it. It won’t hurt to try it.’

‘Maybe, we’ll see. Thanks for listening, Sebastian. Really. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this.’

‘Anytime, Kurt. I told you, you could call and I meant it.’

After Kurt hung up, he went to the bathroom to finally get some painkillers.

He was almost startled by his own reflection. It wasn’t surprising that he looked as if he had been crying for hours, his face puffy and full of read blotches. What he hadn’t noticed, however, was that the tears had stopped flowing and that he had pretty much completely calmed down sometime during his talk with Sebastian. With a sigh he got his phone out again and saved the last number dialed in his contacts. Maybe calling again wouldn’t be too bad.

~

Sebastian stared at Kurt as if he was completely out of his mind.

‘Sorry, care to repeat that? I think I need an ear specialist, I can’t have heard you right.’ Kurt rolled his eyes. Of course Sebastian had heard him the first time, he just wanted to be difficult. It was one of the few character traits Kurt hadn’t come to like or at least tolerate during the few times they met since his little break down. When Kurt needed him he was supportive, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t still be an asshole from time to time.

‘I’m going back to Lima and I’ll get Blaine back.’

‘Thank God you listened to my advice.’

‘What advice? About seeing a therapist? I did actually think about it before you said anything, that wasn’t just a phrase. But it did help a lot. He made me realize that I can’t lose Blaine. Blaine is the best thing that ever happened to me.’

‘Not that advice. The one that you should tell me when you plan on doing something stupid.’

‘I’m not doing anything stupid. I’m going to win back the love of my life. How can you even say that’s stupid?’

‘Okay, wait a minute here. I don’t know what that therapist said to make you think Blaine is the love of your life, but step back for a moment and try to think about this rationally. You get back there and then what? Fuck college?’

‘I am required to do work placement year, I’ll find something there. Maybe the community theater. I’m sure they’d love to get some professional help.’

‘So you don’t have anything in place yet here? You were really doing the last minute thing?’

‘Of course not. I wrote a script to do a ‘The Real Housewives’ play with the people at the nursing home.’

‘Letting down old people now. Kind of understandable. I mean, they’re old, they won’t be disappointed for long. And it’s such a great opportunity to work at… Where will you work again? Oh, wait, you’re giving up a standing work placement position in exchange for nothing.’ The words were dripping with unconcealed venom.

‘I’m going back for Blaine. The love of my life. I just needed a little push in the right direction, but now I’m on track. It’s not surprising you don’t get what that means.’

‘Do you remember what you told me about your relationship with Blaine and why you broke up with him? Twice? He cheated on you.’
‘I forgave him for that.’

‘Sure you did, but do you honestly trust him?’ Kurt hesitated.

‘When I took him back, I chose to trust him and to me, that means something.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous, Kurt. You can’t choose to trust someone. Trust is earned. It’s a feeling, you either have a good or a bad feeling. You trust someone or you don’t. It’s like going around and deciding to love someone just like that. You can pretend, but it doesn’t work.’

‘What do you even know about feelings?’

‘Maybe not much, but I know that if you tried living together twice and it didn’t work out, it won’t magically be paradise on the third try. Third time’s not always a charm. You fought over toothpaste, for god’s sake. Don’t you see that you’re turning this into an endless cycle? First you love him, then you realize it doesn’t work and you leave him, and then you get so lonely you decide settling for Blaine is enough.’

‘You’re wrong. It’s not settling, it’s love. And we’ll work it out.’

‘What are you so afraid of that you keep clinging to a dead high school relationship?’ Sebastian shouted, throwing his hands up in anger. Fed up with Kurt’s stubbornness didn’t even begin to describe what he was feeling.

Kurt ‘s whole posture turned rigid. Instantly Sebastian knew that he had said the wrong thing, that he had gone too far. He thought about pedaling back, but he honestly didn’t want to. He was right.

His head held up high, Kurt looked Sebastian straight in the eyes and whispered coldly, ‘I can’t believe I was so desperate for a friend that I called you. You haven’t changed at all.’ He turned his head away, a gesture so dismissive that Sebastian couldn’t help but suck in a harsh breath.

‘Get out.’

It didn’t matter now.

‘At least I’ve moved on from high school, while you… you’re just a scared little boy.’ Sebastian looked at Kurt, waiting for a reaction. When it became clear that he wouldn’t get one, he shook his head and left.

Kurt crumbled on his chair. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Sebastian was supposed to be enthusiastic and tell him to fight for Blaine. Sebastian was the one person Kurt thought would be on his side from now on.

He could feel it building up, the pressure behind his eyes, and it only made him angrier.

These stupid tears need to stop! Please, just stop already.

Anger, sadness, disappointment, despair. Kurt wasn’t even sure anymore what he was feeling first and foremost. All he wanted to do was sleep.