i swear to god tags

anonymous asked:

We cordially invite you to the wedding of Victor "Extra" Nikiforov and Yuuri "I lost a bag of nuts and getting engaged is the only way to make up for it" Katsuki

this is canon,,, can u believe how blessed we all are. can u b e l i e v e.

some part of tumblr is like “ belle fell in love with a beast. “ it’s not realistic and i’m sitting here like and cinderella rode in a pumpkin, had a fairy god mother, talked to rats, snow white practically died because of a poisoned apple, sleeping beauty pricked her finger with a spinning wheel… rapunzel has magical glowing hair, ariel was best friends with a fish and gave up her tail to go find love. jasmine had a pet tiger and rode on a magic carpet…

do you know what that’s called? it’s called fiction and you know how you enjoy it? by having an imagination.

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Today’s assorted 1A shenanigans

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—   happy birthday, my everything

101 Writing Prompts

1. “I didn’t know you two were related.” “We didn’t either.”

2. “I’m not saying I’m gay, but I would be if they were asking.”

3. “I’ve tried my hardest to fall for you, but it’ll always be them.”

4. “I don’t think anyone’s ever said that to me before.”

5. “I didn’t even want to come to this party. You lied to me about the pinata.”

6. “Spin the bottle is such a cliché. I’m in.”

7. “I have to go in there with you? I didn’t sign up to play 7 minutes in hell .”

8. “That’s not how you pronounce my name and I’m not even sure you tried.”

9. “Are you new here?” “We’ve been in the same math class for six years.”

10. “You really shouldn’t touch that… I told you.”

11. “I recognise you. Do you have a dog.”

12. “ You’ve never seen Harry Potter?

13. “Can’t we just lay here for a minute?”

14. “We have to stop running into each other like this.”

15. “Is it weird if I say that your dad’s really hot?”

16. “I know it’s 2am but can we meet up?”

17. “I don’t know how we ended up sleeping together but I know I’m mad about it.”

18. “Whatever you do, just don’t tell anybody!”

19. “I don’t come here often, it brings back unwanted memories.”

20. “They told me I’d forget about you; that I’d move on but it’s been three years and here I am.”

21. “I’ve waited so long for this moment, but now it’s here I don’t know how to feel.”

22. “You can’t just say that and then disappear!”

23. “I always hear my neighbour playing this beautiful music, but I’ve never actually met them.”

24. “Would it be alright if I pet your dog?”

25. “I’m so sorry to bother you this late but an owl got in my house and I have no idea how to get it out.”

26. “We can’t call the police! They’ll never believe us!”

27. “Why are you buying plane tickets? Are you leaving?”

28. “I swear I’ve seen them before in a dream.”

29. “I don’t want to be your partner either but we have to get this assignment done.”

30. “I never hated you, you just make me feel things I don’t understand.”

31. “It’s your fault, and I don’t think this is something you can fix.”

32. “This isn’t easy for me either.”

33. “I would never do this to you if I didn’t have to. You know that, right?”

34. “Can you at least promise me that?” “I don’t think I can, not this time.”

35. “I’m sorry but it’s very hard to focus when you’re dressed like that.”

36. “On a scale of 1 to 10, how hard to you want me to hit you?”

37. “I’d be scared if I were you.”

38. “You can’t go in there alone .”

39. “This seems like a lot of effort to go to for a mediocre joke.”

40. “Delete that picture right now or Mr.Snuggles gets it!”

41. “You didn’t go through my photos did you?!”

42. “Uhhh, I went through your photos and I have some questions.”

43. “I swear to god, if you tag me in one more bad meme I’ll make you regret it.”

44. “I really want to kiss you right now. I know I shouldn’t, and somehow that makes me want it more.”

45. “You have individual ringtones for everyone? What’s mine?”

46. “ Why wouldn’t you lock the door?

47. “Did you know kissing burns calories?” “I’m happy with my weight, thanks.”

48. “Your bad pickup lines aren’t cute, they’re just bad.”

49. “I’ll give you fifty bucks if I can take you to Christmas dinner and tell my family we’re together. They always ask if I’m dating and I can’t have that conversation again.”

50. “I don’t think you’re ever too old for trick-or-treating.”

51. “We’re dressing up for Halloween this year and that’s final.”

52. “I forgot what we were fighting about in the first place.” “I didn’t.”

53. “Fuck you.” “Not with that attitude.”

54. “90% of people admit to having at least a slight bondage kink, and 10% are lying about it.”

55. “I don’t understand why you won’t just use a map on your phone.”

56. “You know my house has a door? You don’t always have to use the window.”

57. “The truth is, my friends dared me to ask you out, but I’m really glad they did.”

58. “You know, I was joking in that birthday card when I said I’d help you hide a body.”

59. “Can we please turn off this song.” “But it’s a masterpiece .”

60. “I’ve known you for two years and I think I’ve been saying your name wrong the whole time.”

61. “Wow, you really are blind!” “Thanks for the update, can I have my glasses back now?”

62. “It might be petty but you borrowed my pencil three weeks ago and I’m gonna need it back.”

63. “I think they have a crush on you, which sucks because I’m kinda into them.”

64. “Just go and talk to them, they dont bite!” “What if biting turns me on? If they dont do it then what’s the point?”

65. “You can’t say that in front of children!”

67. “Seven years old is practically an adult.”

68. “Dude I ordered this on eBay and you have to see what they sent me.”

69. “I didn’t realise it meant so much to you.”

70. “I wish I was sorry, but I don’t regret any of it.”

71. “My friend thinks you’re cute, personally I don’t get it but this isn’t about me right now.”

72. “Not everything is about you!” “Untrue.”

73. “You can pry it from my cold, dead hands.”

74. “This is why I hate family dinners! It always gets awkward.”

75. “This can only end two ways and neither of them are pretty.”

76. “Not everything can be butterflies and rainbows! Things get hard sometimes, that’s just how it is!”

77. “My mom told me I shouldn’t talk to strangers, and you’re definitely strange.”

78. “I can’t believe you fell asleep when I was showing you my favourite movie of all time.”

79. “You shouldn’t be out here alone, it’s dangerous.”

80. “I could lie here with you forever. I wish I didnt have to leave.”

81. “Everything’s changing and I hate it! I liked the way things were.”

82. “You look so incredible, if that didn’t look so good on you I’d probably tear it off.”

83. “Do you think they noticed that we left?”

84. “The funny thing is, you could have fixed this and you didn’t even try.”

85. “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? I’m only asking because it hurt when I did and I thought I might have done it wrong.”

86. “That was super cheesy and I’m lactose intolerant.”

87. “You didn’t tell me you were gay!” “You didn’t tell me you weren’t.”

88. “Your friend told me you had a crush on me, I just wanted to let you know your friend is a snake.”

89. “Are you staring at me or are you staring past me?”

90. “If you we’re a guy/girl would you go out with me?” “I am a guy/girl.”

91. “Sounds stupid. When are we doing it?”

92. “Can we tell my parents that I’m at your house, just incase they get suspicious?”

93. “This is the part in the movie where we kiss or one of us dies. My fingers are crossed for option one.” “Speak for yourself.”

94. “I’m offended that you don’t have more faith in me but, honestly, it’s understandable given past experience.”

95. “Its just a blind date! What’s the worst that could happen?” “I could literally die.”

96. “I would light myself on fire to keep you warm and you wouldn’t even hand me a coat if I were freezing.”

97. “I trusted you, and so I guess I should have seen this coming.”

98. “I had a really weird sex dream about you and I’m not sure how I feel about it, honestly.”

99. “Okay, but this is the last time I bail you out!”

100. “All I know is that if you don’t tell me to stop I’m going to kiss you.”

101. “I’m not sure when it happened, but I fell in love with you, and it was the best thing I’ve ever done.”

xix | cooing at the devil

i. so this is how a river dries
to reveal a cracked, sad earth
too chalky to bury the dead in—
the sun takes it.

ii. i’m on the verge of knowing him well
his tendencies float into my lap
and nestle in: it feels like love.
this i must handle with care—

iii. if i brush against his thoughts
he snaps turtle doves at the neck,
tossing them leaking into my arms
leaving me dirty with darkness.

iv. witch! he says, if you continue
to slather me with this shit,

i will certainly explode,

you’ll kill me—

v. doves do cry when strangled;
they actually shed tears—
did you know?

anonymous asked:

id totes be interested in more amnesia tbh

well the thing about retrograde amnesia (the head injury amnesia that makes you lose information acquired before an injury/illness) is that you can slowly recall memories via spontaneous recovery and the brain’s plasiticity so

imagine eventually as they adjust to life at home (jake has pretty much moved back in, where as before he was travelling and generally. getting lost) dirk starts to remember. remembers in bits and pieces his and jake’s past relationship. where he was a neurotic asshole and if there’s one universally consistent fact about dirk strider its his self hatred. doesn’t want to remember because he doesn’t want to face himself, someone that could do wrong by jake english

can’t bring himself to face jake as he slowly remembers this relationship that, in his mind, was his fault for driving jake to run away in the first place and why is he here now and jake doesn’t know what to do because dirk won’t tell him what’s wrong so all he does is. hold him there

something something this is all just a ploy for character h/c and finally end w fluff and two people learning what they mean to each other. or something

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

anonymous asked:

Are there any birds that eat humans? Where can they be found, and by hat are some things I should know?

Well, not to rain on your parade, but the the first and most important thing you need to know on this subject is that there are no birds that primarily predate on humans. 

We’re very big, very heavy, are very relatively good at defending ourselves, and have a tendency to hang out in groups. Not only that, but we have the audacity to cover most of our vulnerable points with stuff, and we’ve built these extremely non-bird-friendly zones in which we like to live. How unconscionably rude of us, amirite? 

Golden eagles have been recorded taking down sika deer and other medium-sized ungulates, and African crowned eagles have been known to attack children, so there is no question that large birds of prey could kill a human. Carrion birds and scavengers would undoubtedly eat bits off of an already-dead human (sky burials are a good example), but, again, we are not the chosen prey of any extant bird species.

As for extinct birds, even early modern humans were likely preyed upon by strictly non-avian predators. There are Maori oral traditions of the Haast’s Eagle - the females of which could reach up to 15kg (compared to the largest wild birds of prey now at ~9kg) - that state that they “seized and carried off men, women, and children”. However, while they were large enough to hunt their chosen prey, the (also extinct) moa, carrying off adult humans was likely outside of their capabilities

So, tl;dr: humans are really annoying to eat. 0/10, would not recommend.