Dear the little girl who never got to live past 16
I wanted to say that I am sorry.
I’m not sorry for this journey or for choosing to be happy.. Not at all.
But I am sorry that you’ll never wear a wedding dress or call yourself a bride.
Never will you grow another life inside of your belly and you’ll never hear the words “mommy” directed at you.
You won’t be a Yiayia (grandmother) with a short gray bob cut and pink slippers and for that I am so sorry.
But I can promise you that you didn’t die for nothing.
I will be an astounding father. My children will never not know their dad. God damnit I will be at ever show…every game…every recital…every everything.
I will be a husband like no other I swear to you my wife will never feel unloved like you watched your mom go through for so long.
I will be the best and coolest Papou (grandfather) and I will always slide my grandkids dollars and green lollipops like my Papou did for me.
I’ll be great. God I’ll be great.
I’m so sorry you had to die but you did it so that the man inside of you could get a shot at living.
Oh man I cut you and I burned you and I screamed at you from the other side of the mirror for so many years and I am so sorry that I never told you gently that you were doing your best. That I LOVED you. That you were trying so very hard for us to stay afloat. And guess what?
You did it. You got us there.
I know that you’d never believe it but I regret hurting you so greatly.
Because even though it didn’t seem like it I loved you Alexis Kristina.
I loved you.
Thank you for all of your time.
Sincerely, 19 years later, a better reflection.