i swear to god i'm peeing

the signs as things my friend has said
  • Aries: No, I am NOT going to catch that in my mouth!
  • Taurus: am bye
  • Gemini: Don't slap my ass in public.
  • Cancer: What if. There was an alternate universe. Where everything was the same, except the word crying was replaced by cruton.
  • Leo: I'm not putting ear porn in my ears!
  • Virgo: "and I pee with the lights off"
  • Libra: I swear to god if your caesar salad attracts ANOTHER grapefruit I am going to murder you.
  • Scorpio: Limes. Are not actually lime green.
  • Sagittarius: Don't invite her to lunch anymore, she'll talk about abortions again!
  • Capricorn: CAN YOU N O T ADD THINGS TO MY POSTS
  • Aquarius: I'm not going to Hot Topic like this, I have to look like a gangster!
  • Pisces: TURN OFF YOUR FUCKING ALARM BEFORE I RAM YOUR PHONE UP YOUR ASS.