i swear to god i will kill someone soon

It’s really annoying when people refer to me as ‘shy’ because I’m not afraid to talk to people. Talking to people does not really bring up any negative feelings. I just find it really difficult. As its not like I’m socially awkward either because I know what’s appropriate and inappropriate to say and I know when it’s my turn to speak and I know how to follow a conversation and when it’s appropriate to input and stuff like I KNOW HOW IT ALL WORKS. But when it actually comes down to it I just suck at it. It’s like football. I’m not scared to play football. I know all if the rules of football and how to play and I know a ton of tac tics and techniques and thing yet I STILL SUCK AT IT. But I also know that it is not normal in a social situation to explain this to/in front of strangers or people I don’t know that well and so I end up nodding and saying I’m shy and that’s really fucking embarrassing because I’M NOT and people either avoid talking to me to make me more comfortable or they get really patronising in an effort to make me 'come out of my shell’. Its not like I have loads to say but I don’t say it. It’s more like I cannot think of anything to say. Is there a word for this that I can use so I don’t have to explain myself or say I feel something I don’t?

“I swear to god if this kid doesn’t climb the out of my vagina anytime soon I think I’ll go insane and kill someone!” Ella said falling down on the couch her ginormous stomach showing and covered in sweat. “I’m three weeks past my due date, this isn’t normal! I can’t take this anymore I feel so sweaty and tired and huge and-and I don’t want to be pregnant anymore.”
@noah-j-porter