i swear i don't do this

I swear I'm gonna get in trouble for this one day...

So I’ve started a new job and the Chip Reader for cards is pretty wonky customers have to like shove their cards up that slot or it won’t process and I keep making accidental sexual comments about it like
“Yeah try that again please, just shove the card all the way up the slot”
“Oh don’t be gentle with the card just be little more rough or the card won’t process”
“Reinsert the card a little harder please”
“Yeah the chip reader likes it rough”

I am mortified that I said that last one today I gotta stop before a customer complains about my comments and most of this instead intentionally meant to be sexual but gosh darn that chip reader you have to really be tough with the card or it won’t process :/

Fanon Lotor be like

i am not even sorry just take this

Happy birthday Zen!
Here’s my April Fools’ prank. I promised something spicy but you get fluff instead. I hope you’re not making a sad face. I’m smiling (: 

I’ll go to bed early.
—  A Ravenclaw who will most certainly not go to bed early 
you know you have a problem when
  • Me: *starts playing tons of Otome games*
  • Guy I like in real life: *asks me out on a date*
  • Me: okay so where are my dialogue options and which ones do I need to pick for the good ending
voltron characters as stuff my siblings have said
  • allura: i'm just gonna fucking marry my hamster, none of you are invited to the wedding, get fucked
  • coran: when i was a kid we used to make balloons out of sheep bladders
  • shiro: hey so, weird question but what would one do if they hypothetically set their microwave on fire?
  • keith: if you ever touch my stuffed animals again i will stab you in the eye
  • hunk: why would you put carrots in cake, carrots are vegetables, you wouldn't put broccoli in a muffin
  • lance: i've knitted scarves for every single one of you and if you don't wear them i will cry in front of mom
  • pidge: i swear i wasn't the one who threw the tv out the window! look at my arms, i can't even lift a grape!
4

Love wins, folks

So on June 26 two years ago, gay marriage got legalized in all states of america and I don’t even live there but for some reason I still remember the date. I know this is really late for pride month considering it’s already the last week but I swear I didn’t forget and I wanted to make something special since I know this month is special for tons of people (including me!)

Also, thanks to @windex-noises and @sassycsap for the suggesting ideas for what they should wear bc it made this 10x a lot more fun to do. 

Note to those who can’t watch the video, try going to this https://youtu.be/viQYQHxgP4o

Hamilton As Things My Girlfriend Has Said
  • Alexander : "You know, come to think of it, coffee is the most pleasurable thing."
  • *I give her an odd look*
  • "Well I love you but coffee helps me stay up till horrible hours to finish my work."
  • --
  • John : "You look hot today. No homo." *Finger guns*
  • "Babe we're dating."
  • --
  • Hercules : "See all my clothes are 100% made by me and my hands. I poured my blood sweat and tears into this - "
  • "It says made in China."
  • "Maybe I made it in China?!"
  • --
  • Lafayette : "Some days when I'm mad at you I want to only speak in another language bug the problem is I only know English and not even very well."
  • --
  • Aaron : "Normally I'm a calm individual but see, Abigail makes me want to drop kick her into a well filled with sharks."
  • "Is...is she not your best friend?"
  • "She is."
  • --
  • Angelica : "See whenever people doubt me I laugh because I'm better than every person in the world and they're just jealous of my feminism strength."
  • --
  • Eliza : "Sometimes I wonder what would happen if you cheated on me."
  • "Well I never would."
  • "No I know. But if you did I'd probably burn everything you love and go Carrie Underwood on you."
  • --
  • Peggy : "How is it my mom forgot to invite me to my own birthday party?!"
  • --
  • Thomas : "See macaroni and cheese is a gift from God. Like he loves it too. Cause who wouldn't?"
  • "Aren't you an atheist?"
  • "A GIFT FROM GOD AJ!"
  • --
  • James : "I swear I've been sick my whole life. Death is trying so hard to get me but they will fail! *coughs for a good five minutes* Fuck off death..."
  • --
  • George : "Why do I have to adopt all the worst fuckers?"
  • "You don't have to - "
  • "No I love them and they are my fucker children."
  • --
  • Maria : "I'm a sexy son a bitch who needs to learn how to make better life choices..."

Hyper Projection Engeki Haikyuu - Karasuno, Revival!

Karasuno vs Nekoma Training Camp
“Why me?!”

Please do not repost

Oh, the things I can’t say to you because I’m your superior…
—  Ravenclaw, barely holding back from reaming a coworker.

恋人といる時の雪って特別な気分に浸れて僕は好きです

I wanted to surprise doodle this for ma pal  @misterpoofofficial​ =u=)b

 I just want Dick Grayson and Jason Todd to be sitting down and eating (like at Batburger or shit) and Dick starts talking like “Oh yeah, me and the Titans bla bla…” and Jason just nods along because goddamn, not another Nightwing toy until Dick says “And then Roy kind of…” and then Jason goes all “Roy? Roy Harper? Is that little shit with you!? why dO YOU HAVE MY LITTLE SHIT!? GIVE ME MY LITTLE SHIT BACK, GRAYSON OR I SWEAR TO FUCK!!”

No, but you see, my problem isn’t just the song per se, it’s that I have it on repeat and I just keep seeing Louis? Harry sings and sings and I see flashes of Louis, black&white Louis, younger, older, smiling, running, drinking his tea, kicking a ball, laughing, being soft, playing Fifa, rubbing his tired eyes, talking excitedly about something, but mostly smiling, smiling sweet, soft, pure, smiling in a lot of places, for a lot of reasons, that happy smile of his, you know? And then I hear Harry’s voice again, you bring me home, and Louis is there, smiling with his hand held out, rope on his wrist, and I start crying all over again.

  • <p> <b><p></b> <b>Hufflepuff:</b> Do you want to see the new Beauty and the Beast movie?<p/><b>Ravenclaw:</b> *playing "Evermore" loudly*<p/><b>Ravenclaw:</b> I've seen it twice already.<p/><b>Hufflepuff:</b> So is that a no?<p/><b>Ravenclaw:</b> Are you crazy, when's the next showing?<p/></p><p/></p>