i swear

This is too long to send in via ask otl so here it is:

I just want to share this with you because I just have to let it out, it may be because of the venus retrograde but I have went through big insecurities which led me to change my appearence like covering my face with make up cuz honestly I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin anymore. I also try to diet and skip meals and when it doesn’t go to plan my self-esteem usually goes down.

This started when one of my friend who has libra sun, virgo and cancer placements asked people in our circle to rank her, me and two other friends based on looks. I always placed last. At first I was okay but when this kept going on I thought ‘I knew I wasn’t attractive but am I that ugly to be last alt?’ Ik they don’t mean smt bad and I shouldn’t take this whole thing seriously but I am. I have venus dominant, libra moon, libra mars, cancer rising that just makes me sensitive and passive-aggressive.

I lost my cool a bit when that friend came back from holiday and was giving out little gifts, she gave me the least ‘attractive’ because the other friend is prettier than me. Even after I wear make up, she tends to point out things that isn’t good like my eyebrows or bronzer. When she does give me an approval, I feel more content. Ik that she isn’t trying to put me down with bad intentions but I can’t help but feel this way. I would talk to her about it but most likely she will just laugh if off and tease me.
Sorry for ranting and taking up space ;;

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It’s a o k. (’:
First off, I don’t like your friends. I dont careeee how they are tbh, if they’re rating you as the most unattractive then I highly suggest you go find yourself some new friends. Friends are suppose to help you atleast ,or make sure you are very confident with yourself. FRIENDS DONT BRING EACHOTHER DOWN!!!! I DO N T CARE!!!!!! IF SHES LIKE THAT!!!!!
Anyways, you don’t have to cover yourself in make-up because you feel unattractive, if you do it for yourself, then ok cool. If you do it because it’s your friends, then I suggest you distance yourself. Literally, that’s NOT okay. 
My mom always tells me, you have to talk nice to your hair for it to grow, you have to talk nice to flowers for them to bloom, and you should talk nice to yourself for you to finally see how worth you are. YOU ARE GOOD!!! YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!! YOU CAN SEND IN A PICTURE OF YOURSELF AND I CAN LIST SO MANY THINGS I LIKE ABOUT YOU! EVEN READING THIS MAKE ME FEEL LIKE YOU’RE A GREAT PERSON!!
Eat your veggies!!! Snack on fruit!!!! Lean meat and fiber are your friends!! Exercise for an hour after school! There’s always 30-minute workouts for your core/arms/legs/thighs etc! Be active!!! Be kind to yourself!! 
Listen to me ): a real friend would not laugh off about something that made their friend feel bad about themselves. My old friend was like this to one of my pretty friends, and one of my PRETTY friends used to get put down by one of her friends in middle school too. If you need any help with personal issues, like weight, skin-care, make-up, learning to love yourself, I’m here for that!!! 
Plus, I kinda blame the Venus Retrograde for the lack of self-esteem and such, but it’ll be over soon. You’re great ):

tarran : why aren’t you on facebook ?
me : well i dunno i don’t really see the point of it
tarran : pleaaaaase ? i need to tag you in our selfies :(
me : urgh fine

tarran : OMG TUMBLR IS SO GREAT YOU SHOULD JOIN
me : er, i’m not sure…
tarran : pleaaaaase ?
me : urgh fine

tarran : also are you on insta because -
me : why would i even try to resist you again. app downloaded.

@tarranzeiguane