i suppose this is my first one!

How to Love Like Us (Ethan x Reader)

Description:  Ethan is asked to join his ex for a sit down video for a YouTube channel where they are instructed to ask each other about their relationship.  As they move through their conversation, travelling through the past, a question comes up that has yet to be discussed.  The response Ethan receives is one he never expected.

Word Count: 2,862

Warnings: Talk of depression. Language.

 A/N: This is based off of YouTube videos such as Hurt Bae and other couple one on one interviews with each other.  Thank you to @scuteedolans for encouraging me with writing this piece.  In this Ethan is about 20-21 years old.  I hope you enjoy it!


 Your POV:

It had been 6 months since I had last seen him.  I knew that we were about to enter the room at the same time to sit in those chairs, face to face, with nothing just a stack of questions and never-ending eye contact.  Sat in the center of a nearly empty room were two, tall director’s chairs set so that we would be across from each other.  A couple cameras were set up to record with the camera men standing behind them, just waiting for us to take our places.

I never thought that I would be in one of these “exes ask questions’ videos, but when I was told that Ethan was asked to do one, I felt like I at least owed it to him after the way we left off, so reluctantly I agreed to do it with him.

           “Y/n, are you ready?” I turned to face the producer who had set this whole thing up.  I’m sure my eyes were filled with fear and hesitancy.

           I took a deep breath and nodded my head.  Was I actually ready to face him?  Did I have enough time to prepare myself for what was to come?  I wasn’t told ahead of time what these questions were going to be.  It was obvious that there would be questions that would catch me off guard or would be ones that I didn’t want to answer, but I signed the form that I would be completely honest and open throughout the whole thing.

           “Is Ethan in place?” she said as she pressed the ear piece closer, waiting for the answer.  “Okay, perfect, let’s get ready.” She placed her hand on my shoulder, “You’re going to do great.  We can take breaks when needed and you don’t have to ask to get up.” Her hand gave me a quick squeeze.  “Do you need a tissue?” she handed it to me without waiting for my response.

           I looked at my feet the whole time I walked to my seat, too many thoughts racing through my mind for me to comprehend.  Once I was standing next to the chair, I looked up to meet Ethan’s eyes.  He looked at me with a warmth that made my heart skip a beat the same way it did the first time he ever looked at me.

           We both picked up the notecards from our seats before finally sitting down.  It took me a solid 30 seconds to adjust in my seat whereas it only took Ethan a moment to find a comfortable position.  He tapped his cards against his thigh to straighten them up, his eyes still trained on mine.

           “Would you like me to go first?” he asked quietly.

           “Yes, please.” My voice could hardly be heard. It was like my voice had caught up in my throat.

           “Okay.” He lifted the first card, reading it to himself before sharing it with me.  A small smile formed at the corner of his lips, “How did we first meet?” he placed the card at the back of the stack.

           I laugh a bit at the memory, “We were both at Best Buy.” He flashed a toothy smile, “You and Grayson were looking for a new camera while I was looking for a new lens.”

           “Grayson was doing all of the work while I was taking pictures of myself on each camera.” Ethan filled in the next part, shaking his head at himself.

           “You kept trying to take selfies with me in the background to make me feel uncomfortable, but it didn’t work.” I added, thinking back to that day.  I had noticed Ethan moving from camera to camera, turning it toward his face and snapping picture after picture.

           “And you,” he pointed right at me, “finally posed for a picture.  You flipped me off in the background.” He broke out in a small fit of laughter.

           I nodded, “I did.  You deserved it.”

           “You’re right I did.” He paused before nodding at the cards in my hands.

           Flipping the top one over I read it aloud without taking a look for myself.  I figured that it would be a better idea to just get it out.  “Did I ever do anything that made you question whether we were supposed to be together or not?  If so, what was it?”  The question rolled off my tongue much easier than it would have if I had read it in my head first.

           A frown formed on his face, his eyebrows knitting together.  He was taking a while to respond and it was making me more nervous than it probably should have.  “Nothing you ever did made me question us being together.  You were everything I hoped for and more.”

           My lips tightened, folding in as I tried to fight back the emotions I was feeling.  He said it in such a light tone, but the hurt that was in his eyes made my heart want to explode.  I tried to find the words to respond with, but there it was like fireworks, response after response exploding in my mind but fizzling away all too soon.

           Before I could even say anything he read his next card, “If you could describe our sex life in 3 words, what would they be?” I was surprised at how well he held it together as he asked.  I knew that he wanted to explode with laughter by the playfulness in his eyes.

           I bit my lip to suppress my grin, “Amazing, loving, and…” I tapped my chin, “adventurous.” I absent mindedly played with a piece of hair that was brushing against my face.

           “Oooh, adventurous!” he wigged his eyebrows and shoulders at the same time.  I immediately hid my face in my hands, embarrassed yet amused by his response.  “Don’t be so shy!” he leaned forward and gently hit my leg with his cards.

           “I can’t help it!” I argued, pulling out my next card, “What’s your favorite memory of us?”

           “Oh I don’t even have to think about this one!” he clapped his hands together.  “My favorite memory is the time we went on the jet ski and I let you drive it for the first time ever.  It was only a minute in and you knocked us into the water!”

           “I was so excited!  Guess the excitement got the best of me.” I giggled like a school girl.

           He shook his head, laughing, “When we came up we realized that you flooded the engine somehow so we had to swim it back to shore which took like a half hour.”

           “Then we got to the dock and you refused to help me out until I admitted that it was all my fault.  So when you finally helped me out I pushed you back in.”

           “And you told me it was out of love.  And I just knew, that I couldn’t let you go that day. I’ve never felt the way you made me feel.” He laughed, throwing his head back.  “God, no one could love the way we loved.  No one knew how to love like us.”

           “We did have an epic love.” I admitted, wishing I could relive all the moments we shared.

           “Next question.  What was your first impression of me?” he raised an eyebrow.

           I shrugged, “That you were a goon.  A cute goon, but a goon none the less.”

           “You loved every bit of this!” he held his hands out as if to say, ‘look at me’.

           I shook my head, heat rising to my cheeks.  “Let’s move on.  Are you in a relationship now?” my chest tightened.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear his answer, but the question had already been asked and there was no taking it back.

           “No.” he answered.  Short, sweet, and to the point.  “Are you?” he retorted.

           “That’s not your question to ask, it’s mine.” I raised my brows at him.

           “So you are.” He deadpanned.

           “No.  I haven’t talked to any other guy since you.  But it was my question to ask, so…” I made a childish face, placing the card at the back of the stack.

           He chuckled, “Always have to be sarcastic don’t you?”  I shrugged in response, “I miss your sarcasm.”  We both got silent.  He immediately looked down at his next card, “What was your favorite thing about me?

           “Your smile.” I responded.  “Your smile when you were excited, your smile when you were happy, your smile when I told a horrible joke, when we rode rollercoasters, when we were at comedy movies.  The way you smiled for me when I was sad and when I needed courage.  You’re smile whenever we were together.  I love your smile.”

           He purposely grinned from ear to ear.  He kept moving his head back and forth to make sure that I saw each angle of his infamous smile.  Of course I laughed because almost everything he does makes me feel an unexplainable joy that was unique to only him.

           “You were the reason I smiled.” Of course he had to pull on my heart strings a little more.  I was already feeling numerous different emotions and his actions and comments were only making those feelings stronger.

           “You were the reason I smiled.” I answered truthfully. Again we shared a moment of silence before moving on.  “What is the one thing you regret about our relationship or regret not doing during it?” I asked.  Why did these questions have to go so deep?

           His head turned to the side, his bottom lip tucked between his teeth.  He kept looking at me out of the corner of his eye, but he couldn’t get himself to turn to me.  I let him take his time; I didn’t want to rush him.  “I regret not telling you I loved you more.  You deserved more ‘I love yous’.  I wish I would have told you how much I love you every second of every day.”

           The tears finally started to well up in my eyes as he finally looked at me.  The Kleenex that had been sitting on my lap was now in my hands, ready to soak up any tears when they finally fell.  He had seen me cry enough already during the breakup, I didn’t want him to see me cry again.

           I pushed myself up from the chair, setting the cards down on the seat.  My feet carried me out of the view of the camera and off set.  Ethan didn’t follow me, he remained in his seat, his head turned back to the side again, only this time his eyes were focused on the floor. I could feel my heartrate picking up and my breathing going deeper than it had in the past 6 months.  My hands were covering my face as I took the time to collect myself.  It was a solid 3 minutes before I built up the courage to return to my seat.

           “Sorry for making you wait.” I mumbled as I returned to my position.

           He shrugged, “It’s okay, you needed a break. I didn’t mind.  I’ll always wait for you.”

           I tried to ignore his comment because there was only so much more I could take before I had a full on meltdown.  “It’s your turn.” I gestured towards the final card in his hand.

           “Oh, yeah.” He whispered.  “Okay, my last question is… Why did we break up?” his voice trailed off at the end.  “I don’t even know the answer to this question; you broke up with me and never told me why.” The curiosity in his voice was almost over shadowed by the pain.

           When we broke up there were so many things going on in my mind and when I made the decision I just left him with only a few words spoken and a thousand tears shed.  He deserved more than that but I was too much of a coward to tell him the reason.

           “I… I broke up with you because… I just…” I stuttered through my words.  I never thought the day would come where we would be sitting face to face with nowhere to run, and I would be forced to answer this question.  “I broke up with you because I wasn’t okay.  I was filled with a sadness that couldn’t be lifted.  It weighed heavy on my heart.  There were things that were going on in my life that I didn’t share with you because I know how easily worried you get.  I was just so sad.”

           “I could have helped you.  Why didn’t you tell me?  We could have worked through it together!” his voiced raised a bit but not too much.

           “Ethan…” I took a deep breath.  “Ethan, you were the only thing that could make me happy, but when you were gone my world got darker.  Do you know how scary that is?  How scary it is to know that you are depending on one person to bring happiness into your life?”

           “If you would have told me…”

           I cut him off, “If I would have told you that would have put pressure on you.  Pressure that you didn’t deserve.  I needed to learn to be okay on my own.  I can’t depend on someone all my life.  It was up to me to choose the path, it was up to me to choose recovery, and it was up to me to let you continue on your journey without me holding you back. There were many times I wanted to call you.  I wanted to tell you what was going on.  I wanted to ask you to rescue me.  But I had to be my own hero.”

           He ran his hand through his hair, a frazzled sigh leaving his mouth.  “What happened?” he whispered.

           “I was depressed.  At first I thought that there must have been something to trigger it, but there wasn’t. Sometimes people just get sad and there’s no explanation.  I started to pick apart everything in my life.  I wasn’t happy with the way I looked.  I was constantly searching for flaws on myself; it was almost an addiction for me.  I hated my job.  I chose to do what my parents wanted me to do.  I’m an accountant!  I fucking hate numbers!  I wanted to be a writer, I wanted to tell the stories built up in my imagination!  I wanted to tell our story!  And… I thought I wasn’t good enough for you.” Once I finished I took a deep breath.  I closed my eyes so that I could just breathe.  The silence allowed me to hear my own heartbeat, my pulse pounding in my head. I could hear Ethan’s breathing. It was a sweet rhythm that brought me peace faster than anyone else could.

           “You were always enough for me.” I felt his hand take mine in his.  “You are always going to be enough for me.”

           “But in my head I wasn’t even enough for myself.” I made eye contact with him.  “And I deserve to be enough for myself.”  I turned his hands over and traced the lines imprinted in them.

           “How do you feel now?” he asked, his eyes watching my fingers dance against his skin.

           I smiled, “These past 6 months I’ve been working on myself. A big part of it goes into my writing. I’m almost done with the first draft. I’m happier now.  It’s a work in progress, but there have been many successes.”

           “I’m happy that you’re feeling better and I’m happy you’re writing again.” He encouraged me, “I hope you continue to do so.”

           “I haven’t finished it quite yet…” I lifted my fingers from his hand, leaning back against the chair.  He leaned back as well, looking hurt that I pulled away.  “There’s one more question by the way.”

           “Hit me.” He said, tapping his hands against his legs.

           “It says… Do you still love me?” my hands tightened around the card.  “You don’t have to answer that.”

           He held up his hand, “I will always love you.  You were my world.”

           “And you were my world.”

           We sat there, eyes connected, voices off.  The workers dimmed the lights around us, leaving us in a peaceful darkness.  The cameras were turned off, all of the room was silent.  I stood up and Ethan mirrored my actions, our eyes still trained on each other’s.  He stepped forward, his hand sliding up my neck, delicately pulling me closer to him. He leaned forward, resting his forehead against mine.  I could hear the shuffling of feet carrying the camera men away, leaving us two alone.

           “God, I’ve missed you.” He whispered.  I could feel his warm breath against my lips.

           “And I, you.” My fingers lifted and played with the hair at the nape of his neck.

           “Please, come home.” I could feel his thumb moving in circles against my skin.

           “Okay.” I whispered, lifting my head a bit.

           “I told you.  I’d always wait for you.” He kissed me softly, whole heartedly, and gently. And although I never quit loving him, I somehow managed to fall even more in love.


..

There’s some real fandom obsession out there with Chekov’s accent. I don’t like that at all. 

First of all, Starfleet isn’t supposed to consist entirely of Americans. In theory at least, representing “human” interests require you to have more than Americans on board. The whole point of Chekov’s character was to show a future of mutual peace and understanding in the midst of the Cold War. So why consistently make a big deal out of the one person that is very clearly not originally from an English speaking country? (Uhura isn’t either, but that is very rarely brought up.)

Secondly, I’m a fan but my first language isn’t English. So I’m really not into this continued mocking of someone for not speaking perfect English. Both Koenig and Yelchin were of course Americans, so their English was actually perfect aside from a slight, very constructed accent. It’s quite far from the struggles of many to grasp a foreign language. 

I know there’s lots of people living in English speaking countries that struggle with the language and don’t need to be the butt of the joke. An accent isn’t a sign of laziness or lack of intelligence: It’s a completely natural and almost unavoidable aspect of learning a language as an adult.

While I don’t take this personally, I do get annoyed at this frankly naive propagation of this particular brand of “humor”, that can get nasty real quick when directed at real people. It’s anti immigrant and it can be racist, especially if directed at people of color. 

30 Questions Taggg

Rules: answer 30 questions then tag 20 blogs you would like to know better.

I was tagged by: @emperorhwangs thank you for tagging me~!

1. Nicknames:  abby (my full first name is abigail and i hate it so much argh), babby, bee, beebee, goosey

2. Gender: Female

3. Star sign: Leo!

4. Height: oompa loompa size 5′3, like 161-162 cm ??? 

5. Time: 11:49 PM

6. Birthday: August 1st

7. Favorite Bands/Groups: I’m assuming this is supposed to be kpop related :o ??? Nu’est, Wanna One, B1A4, Apink, Blackpink, and Oh My Girl

8. Favorite solo artists: Maybe Zion T and Suran? I don’t listen to many solo artists

9. Song stuck in my head: since I said Suran, now If I Get Drunk Today is stuck in my head lol

10. Last movie watched: To the Bone

11. Last show watched: My cousin got me hooked on iZombie, its rly rly good

12. When did i create my blog: Mid May

13. What do I post: Reblogs of beautiful gifs of beautiful people 

14. Last thing googled: Too Faced Natural Love Limited Edition Palette, I was hoping they’d have it at the mall today at Sephora but they don’t sell it anymore. Welp. :(

15. Do you have other blogs?: Nope.

16. Do you get asks?: Sometimes! And it’s usually for those ask games or someone needing nu’est information which I am always glad to help with/research! I mainly talk through direct messaging even though I’m really bad at replying sometimes bc I am distracted or busy so pls don’t think I ignore you!!! ;w; 

17. Why did u choose your url?: Because Hwang Minhyun is a beauty and it’s his best nickname (fun fact: it was either this or minhearts) I used to have a dash in between hwang and minyeo but Ellie @hyun95 let me know hwangminyeo was an open url and i am super thankful~ ♡

18. Following: 64! I go blog stalking sometimes bc I know I need to follow more but when I’m on tumblr I’m usually multi-tasking at the same time which makes me distracted and forget asdfghjkl

19. Followers: Just surpassed 1.2k the other day and I’m shook and everyone is so sweet and kind and put up with my shitty text posts (which are mainly jokes or me freaking out) :((

20. Favorite colors: pastel colors! but pink is my favorite

21. Average hours of sleep: 6-7

22. Lucky number: asdfghjkl ??? idk maybe 5? bc i’m the 5th child in my family and i rly like the number

23. Instruments: I taught myself piano for about 3 months then gave up and now I play ukulele lmao

24. What am I wearing: a pajama t-shirt bc this florida heat got me fcked up even though I should be used to it by now

25. How many blankets I sleep with: 2 because I sleep with my fan on and if I don’t then it gets really hot and i’m not about to let my legs be grabbed by a ghost

26. Dream job: Anything in the medical field (but I have a sensitive stomach and can’t stand the sight of blood or injuries no matter how small) bc I can help people

27. Dream trip: I’ve wanted to go to France and Greece for forever!!1! I also took a Euro History class and would love to go to other European countries as well bc I’m a nerd for history and want to see everything I learned about~

28. Favorite food(s): Steak, Rice, Beef, Pizza, Burgers, Sushi, Pho, anything and everything except pork because I don’t like the taste of pork :(

29. Nationality: Filipino-American 

30. Favorite song now: I’ve been listening to Sorry by Ciara a lot :)))

i am going to tag: @extraongdinary @wannabl @2hyeons @jaehwanspsychopathlaugh @sleeptalkingg @bbaekmin @dank-danik @jinguos @swoojin @hyuncakes @daybreak-mp3 @onibugi-jr @oneminhyun @danik-chu @pockyjonghyuns @nuest-rebirth @kangdan101 @hyun95  @minhyunisperfection @kangdanielprotectionsquad @luminous-point @nuestlovestory @peachgodkangdaniel @minsbugi @godkangdaniel  (pls ignore this if you have already done it/don’t feel like doing it!)

artpoplouis  asked:

don't get me wrong, i love back to you but bebe features on way too much :/ like it seems like a joint louis/bebe single, not louis' debut solo track. even taking the first verse is a no no :/

Well, I’ve only listened to it once because it’s not out yet in the US, but that didn’t bother me. I know what you mean, though. I guess it seems less Louis Tomlinson featuring Bebe Rexha and more of a duet I suppose. But it woks for me so well. Their voices are perfect together. Her voice on the first verse is so unusual and immediately caught my attention. Obviously, this is what Louis wanted since he’s such a perfectionist about his music. 

I wonder if he made it balanced that way to show that it’s not just a one-sided pull/attraction (in regards to the relationship referenced in the song) - that both sides equally feel the same overwhelming emotions. 

4

HAVE SOME PHOTOS OF MY FIRST MAKE UP ATTEMPT (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Have to admit it went pretty well for my first attempt, have learnt some stuff like how not to do stuff, like you can’t see it in the photos but the white make up was cracking up and stuff which it wasn’t supposed to do, as I used face primer and everything but oh well, guess I will just have to practice some more <:

also I can’t stay serious for even one minute help me

  • nonanalogue: Hey Benedict, you around? I just heard about this murder case from a few years back that you, as a DR fan, would adore.
  • itsbenedict: i just woke up, immediately opened my laptop, went to tumblr, and my very first emotion of the day is
  • itsbenedict: [la_noire_meme_be_skeptical.jpg]
  • itsbenedict: but go ahead
  • nonanalogue: 👌
  • nonanalogue: Okay, so.
  • nonanalogue: The case revolved around the murder of a judge, I think it was in Wisconsin.
  • nonanalogue: He was right about to hear a case about whether or not it's legal to instruct juries in the power of jury nullification.
  • nonanalogue: With me so far?
  • itsbenedict: i suppose
  • nonanalogue: So one of the lawyers involved had lined up an expert witness on the topic, this guy Michael Yves Brodeur who wrote a bunch of books on jury nullification.
  • nonanalogue: But once the judge got murdered, the trial had to be postponed while they investigated.
  • And when it was all said and done, the one behind the killing was
  • nonanalogue: the author of the "Jury Null"s
  • nonanalogue: M.Y. Brodeur!
  • itsbenedict: okay but the one behind the next killing is gonna be me
  • itsbenedict: and they're not going to have a hard time discerning motive
  • nonanalogue: That's fair.
  • nonanalogue: I've earned it.
3

Here’s another girl i’ve been meaning to post! I got the base doll used, which meant she had a huge purple stain on her face, a cracked neck, and 2 left hands? Despite this, I think she’s one of my favorites, cause it was the first time i’ve felt happy with a face, and it was like…weirdly fun to overcome obstacles. She’s supposed to be some sort of drowned ghost, who is friendly, but…malevolent? She’s a cutie.  

4

A Court of Thorns and Roses | Morrigan

“I once lived in a place where the opinion of others mattered. It suffocated me, nearly broke me. So you’ll understand me, Feyre, when I say that I know what you feel, and I know what they tried to do to you, and that with enough courage, you can say to hell with a reputation. You do what you love, what you need”

2

Hey guys, I’m terribly sorry for the lack of updates lately! I’m moving out of my hometown and everything is a mess, so instead of new art have two old sketches that I posted on twitter and then forgot about lmao

groundedvindaloop  asked:

something not specific - a cute kyle doing cute kyle things

i guess these arent specifically cute things but hes always cute so it doesnt rly matter

anonymous asked:

whos the small spoon and big spoon when u both cuddle 👀

Yusuke: … Do couples use spoons for purposes other than eating?

Yusuke: Fascinating…

Akira: 

I watched Owari no Seraph recently and please send help I can’t stop crying over these boys

Inspired by this amazing edit

Nursey is so wrapped up in saying goodbye to the graduating seniors that he doesn’t notice Dex and Bitty disappear until Chowder pokes him in his ribs with a grin. “You’re gonna pretend to be surprised, right?”

Nursey is already surprised, and confused, but doesn’t say so.

When they get back to the Haus half an hour later, taking the long route at Chowder’s insistence, everything looks the same as it always does. That is until Nursey makes his way up to Lardo’s old room, determined to figure out what he’s apparently supposed to already suspect.

“Shit,” Dex curses when he spots him. “Uh, hey? Fuck. I mean. What’s up, Nurse?”

Nursey blinks several times in quick succession, but the image of Dex in the middle of hanging custom bookshelves on the back wall of their soon-to-be-shared-bedroom while surrounded by at least five of Nursey’s favorite baked goods doesn’t go away. “…I literally don’t even know where to start, bro.”

Dex’s head drops down with a beleaguered groan. There’s a number two pencil stuck behind one ear and a hammer hanging from one of his belt loops. It’s a good look on him.

“Not that I’m complaining,” Nursey adds.

“You weren’t supposed to know I installed this,” Dex mutters, eyes trained on the floor.

“And the pies?”

“That was mostly Bitty. I only made one of them.“ Dex shrugs a shoulder stiffly. "Well. One and a half.”

“And did you make me shelves too?”

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