I CAN RELATE MYSELF TO CREDENCE A LOT. LATELY. AND ALL MY LIFE.
My eyes feel so sore right now for crying 2 hours straight. I had a gigantic fight with my, I might say, super oppressive, controlling, parents about my decision to do postgraduate study abroad. I feel like they will never let me break free or let me try to be at least be independent.
I am a 22 years old still living with my parents, which is something I always ashamed for admitting it. A late bloomer. I have social anxiety. Most people moved out their house when they were 18, but my mom still takes me everywhere I go even when I’m going out hanging out with my friends. I don’t like that idea so, SO MUCH.
I live in a pretty conservative country that makes my entire family believe that worshipping a religion will guarantee a ‘happy and blissful afterlife’, and for those who choose not to will burn in hell for eternity. I have a very different opinion on that.
I always been an agnostic all my life.
I believe in doing kindness for the sake of humanity.
I never, ever, despise LGBTQ. They are, indeed, beautiful.
Back to me arguing with my parents for my own decision, my mother ended up pulling my hair and shove me to the floor. She throw things. She pulled out a box cutter and threatened to either I or her will die. I screamed. I cried. Either my mother or I will die today if my brother don’t end the fight.
I ended up locking myself in the bathroom, slightly contemplating about ending my life. I feel all of the repressions inside me soaring, it made me shake uncontrollably.
“I can control it. I can control it.” I muttered repeatedly.
But I survived, once again. Living under my parents’ shadow for once more. Living in my silent protest for freedom and independence.
I love Credence the very moment I saw him on the film. I feel like seeing myself. Someone living under his puritanical, witch-hating ‘mother’. Someone seeking the truth, hence his name. Someone seeking for assurance. An allegory for child abuse, depression, and self-loathing.
My fascination for Credence lead me on making this blog. Credence-loving let me meet a lot of new friends, who also feels the very same as Credence and I.
At least, in this big, big, world, I’m not the only one.
Thank you for being here with me. For whoever reading up to this point, I love you so much. Let’s survive this manic world. Don’t let anyone define who you are. Please, don’t give up on yourself.
With loads, loads, loads of love,