i still have a lost trauma

I just lost a follower after reblogging a bunch of ace positivity stuff, so let me just be very clear: 

This blog supports a-spec people and believes that a-spec people are LGBTQIA+. 

Furthermore, anyone can be ace, and ace/aro people can still have sex or be in a relationship and be ace/aro, and asexuality can absolutely be induced by trauma

I don’t want any aphobes, so if you disagree with the above statements, please join that one lonely follower, and do me a favor by unfollowing. Aphobes are not welcome here. 

  • Friend: how are you?
  • What I wish I can say:
  • Well, everything is falling apart. I'm barley going to school, I spend most of my days laying in bed, laid in my own self loathing. I feel empty everyday and I'm getting tired of it. I think about ever little embarrassing thing that happened over 2-4 years ago and cringe at myself....everyday.
  • I'm fucking exhausted, and I still can't sleep at night.
  • Sometimes it feels like I'm not even here, and it's like I lost myself somewhere along this dark, muddy path.
  • I can't stop thinking about my past traumas, my hair is falling out, my mood is getting lower, my future seems to be getting more bleak.
  • I have a suicide plan already in place.
  • Because I fucking hate myself, I hate what I've become, and I hate everything about this world.
  • What I do say: I'm good, what about you?
Hope (Commission)

I commissioned the amazing @hippano again to draw me JediStormPilot!

This is based on the fic “Hope” (http://archiveofourown.org/works/10431066/chapters/23032947), written on commission by @sithrightsactivist

If you guys know me, you know I love healthy poly ships, I love disability headcanons, and I love modern AUs. So here’s our trio having a study date together. Rey and Finn are both foster kids, living with Han and Leia respectively. Rey is recently home from an extended stay in the hospital, after a diving accident that left her paralyzed from the shoulders down. Although she’s still adjusting to the changes in her life, she’s got her boys to support and assist her. She’s also an engineering prodigy who now designs via computer program. Finn is a former child soldier who lost a leg in an explosion when he was younger and is now an activist for trauma survivors and refugees, while Poe survived a kidnapping attempt several years ago, and while he was physically unscathed, he deals with flashbacks and anxiety. They’ve all been through a lot, but they love and support each other and are going to take on the world together!

FT Poe’s emotional support cat BeeBee. He’s terrible and they love him.

Trauma recovery, at it’s core, is a grieving process. When someone is in a traumatic environment they experience loss. Whether it be loss of one’s sense of safety, loss of one’s sense of freedom, loss of one’s sense of innocence etc. trauma always involves some form of loss.

When we lose something important to us we need to be able express a proportionate amount of grief. Without that we remain stuck cycling through denial, depression, anger and various other stages of grief that don’t bring us to a healthy conclusion.

So many of the things associated with trauma are a manifestation of this. Sharing details of trauma in seemingly innapropriate situations. Fixating on the trauma and obsessing over it. These are all ways of attempting to create a narrative that permits expression of our grief to others.

The point of this is that grief is not an overnight process, even people grieving other losses often take years to fully come to accept them. And unfortunately trauma victims rarely have a head start on this process because we often spent large portions of our lives being forced to hide our feelings of loss in the name of safety.

We did not learn to grieve the way most people do and we lost many things before we had the chance to start grieving even for one of those things. So with that in mind, if you can do one thing for yourself in the process of recovery, allow yourself to be patient.

Even when it feels like you’re stuck. When it feels like you’re processing the same things over and over again, I promise you’re still making progress by doing that and you have every right to be proud of yourself for it.

Sherlolly Appreciation Week Day 6- First I Love You

Here’s ILY day. Big thanks to @mizjoely for betaing this ficlet and coming up with the title. Bless her! This one’s rated T because, evidently I can’t write a story without using a certain naughty word. Enjoy ~Lil~


-He Always Means It-

“This was really… nice, Sherlock,” Molly says as they pause in front of her building.

He takes her hand, slowly bringing it to his lips. Just before he touches his mouth to her knuckles he looks into her eyes and says, “I love you.”

“Yes, I know,” she replies flatly. “You’ve told me everyday for the last three weeks.”

Warning lights start to flash in Sherlock’s mind. Danger! Danger! He aborts the hand kissing for the moment and takes a step back. “Is something the matter?” he asks tentatively.

Molly sighs and motions to the steps, then takes a seat. Sherlock follows, sitting next to her. “I’m just…” she starts, staring at the office building across the street. Then her head drops, she runs her fingers through her loose hair. “How do I put this?”

“You can be honest with me, Molly, if something’s wrong…”

“This feels unreal,” she interrupts.

“What?”

“The dinners, the romance, the constant ‘I love yous’. I’m not sure what to make of it all.”

He is stunned and, if he’s honest, he’s also hurt.

Molly is looking at him, big brown eyes searching for… something, but he has no idea what. He was certain that he’d gotten it right. Pamper her, take her out, shower her with affection…love her. Damn

“Say something, Sherlock! Are you faking any of this this?” she demands.

“NO!” is all he can manage.

“I didn’t actually think you were, but…” She looks away, shaking her head. “It’s just not like I imagined. Us.” She motions between the two of them. “This. I thought we’d hang out at your flat, playing with cancerous livers and fooling around. I thought you’d want to keep us secret, not parade me all around London. I never expected you to tell me that you love me every single day.”

It hasn’t been every single day. He’d gotten caught on a case eight days ago, and forgotten to tell her. He told her twice the next day to make up for it. “This isn’t what you want?” he asks in a voice he almost doesn’t recognise.

Molly turns and cups his face. “I love you. But you know that, don’t you?”

He nods.

“And I know you love me. You don’t have to constantly tell me, unless you really want to.”

I do, he thinks.

“I believed it the first time you said it, though I don’t think you had a clue you were saying it,” she says with a knowing smile.

Wait, what? That doesn’t make any…

“And all the romance is sweet, but unnecessary.”

This time he turns, pulling her hands away from his face. “I wanted to make up for how you found out. That awful phone call…”

“That wasn’t the first time you said it, Sherlock.”

“Of course it was.”

She laughs, shaking her head and biting her lip. “You really don’t remember, do you?”

No, no he didn’t.

“Twice. You said it twice before that.”

Bloody hell.

“I had a very interesting voice mail the morning after John’s stag night.” She looks around as if trying to remember something, a wicked smile on her face. “Ah, yes: ‘Molly, Molly Hooper. My Molly. My pathologist. I love you more than a locked room triple murder.’ Then you said something about ash and disconnected.”

He was speechless. But he took a moment to enjoy the fact that she seemed to have memorised the voicemail.

“I chalked it up to drunkenness.” She pauses, studying him. “I didn’t believe it. People say a lot of things when they’re drunk. Doesn’t mean it’s true.”

Unless it is and I’ve loved you for years, he thinks. The realisation had hit him after Sherrinford. After returning to Baker Street he had taken a moment and let himself think about the ramifications of those words. Then he’d realised that he had meant them. He loved her. He hadn’t spent a great deal of time trying to figure out how long he’d loved Molly Hooper, just that he did. The next day he was at her door with a dozen roses, an explanation and what he thought was his first not forced I love you.

“Then there was the hospital…”

That could mean anything. Please don’t let it be when I was high. “What about the hospital, Molly?”

“It was after you were shot. Well, when they rushed you back after you pulled a runner. I was working and John phoned me. I met him in Trauma and he asked me to sit with you after you stabilised. He needed to talk to Mary about something. You’d lost a lot of blood, plus they’d pumped you full of pain meds. You were in and out of consciousness.”

“I have no memory of this.”

“Of course you don’t.”

“What did I say?”

“You thought John was still in the room, you were talking to him,” she explains.

“Yes?”

“And you said: ‘Promise me, John.’” Molly’s voice breaks just a little and she clears her throat before continuing. “‘Promise me, John. If I die, tell Molly that I love her. Tell her that…”

“What?!”

“You said that you locked me away for safekeeping. That you put me into a room to watch over your heart. Can you imagine?” she says with glistening eyes and a sweet smile. “I tried not to think about those words, Sherlock. All this time I told myself that you were just high on narcotics and very, very near death. That it meant nothing. Then that phone call…”

“Molly…”

“I know. Maybe I shouldn’t have made you say…”

“No,” he stops her. “I’m glad that you did. I don’t remember the others, but I remember that one. The one that made me think. The one that brought us here.” He wonders how he’s become this sappy, romantic fool in such a short amount of time, then he thinks about what Molly just told him. He considers the idea that he’d locked her away in a room in his mind palace, abstract as that may be, and realises that perhaps it’s just another thing he’s pushed away, like his feelings for this woman.

Molly’s hand on his brings him out of his thoughts; he squeezes it and looks at her. “So you want me to tone down the hearts and flowers?”

Her whole face brightens. “A bit. I’d love to just stay in and talk about… well anything or,” Her cheeks turn pink, so pink she’s practically glowing in the street lights. “Or nothing. We could not talk if you like.”

Ah, not talking means snogging or probably, most likely, shagging. “I could be talked into not talking, if you twisted my arm,” he says with what he hopes is a boyish grin. Then he stands, holding out his hand and helps Molly to her feet. They walk toward her door and he’s hoping she plans on inviting him in for a bit of not talking right now. But there’s one more thing. “Molly?”

She’s looking for her keys at the bottom of her large bag. He’ll pull his out in a minute to stop the fruitless search. She looks up and says, “Yes?”

“I’m still allowed to say I love you, right?”

“Of course you are. Just don’t say it because you think you have to.”

That’s fine with him. He’d never once said it because he had to.

Thanks for reading. ~Lil~

yuu trusts guren too much but it makes sense

I’ve seen some people who are criticizing Yuu very harshly because of how easily he’s trusting Guren, and although I like Guren a lot, I have to agree that Yuu is being way too gullible for his own good. However, I feel that Yuu’s trust of Guren is understandable and also makes him a more interesting character. 

Yuu has been through way too much—his parents called him a demon and tried to kill him, and then he lost all of his family from Hyakuya orphanage, all while he is still a kid. This trauma naturally has a profound impact on him. When he escapes the vampires, Guren gives him a new life and is kind to him, and since Yuu has lost everyone that he has, it’s normal that he clings to Guren. Yuu’s blind trust of Guren is problematic, but it is understandable because Guren holds a special place in his heart as the first person he was close to after losing his family, and he probably believes that Guren is the reason that he was able to start a new life with his squad mates and Mika. It’s easy for us to look at the situation objectively, but Yuu’s had a messed up life, and it’s taken its toll on him. 

I also like that there this imperfection in Yuu’s character because it makes him a lot more real. I’ve seen a lot of people who are seeing Yuu’s gullibility as a very bad thing that makes him less likable, but I don’t feel that way. If Yuu were to be completely rational and objective about this situation it wouldn’t really make sense. He was broken and devastated, so his attachment to Guren is very realistic and makes him a lot more human and interesting. While his blind trust of Guren probably isn’t going to go well for him, I don’t think that this makes his character worse or anything like that. 

Easter, Luna and Ginny

read the intro here

It’s easter at Hogwarts. Fred and George are both alive and kicking. They have decided that since Umbridge left, this might be a good moment to re-do their last year and cheer all the traumatized war-veterans up with some top quality pranks.

And maybe play matchmaker for a couple or two.

Maybe.


“I don’t think they would hide one here.” Ginny and Luna were standing on the edge of a pile of rubble, near a huge gap in the wall of the castle. It was the only place still left to repair after the war.

“I don’t know. It would be symbolic to find an egg, the symbol of new life, among the remnants of an event that took so many.”

Luna walked into the field of rocks. She looked sad. All Ginny wanted to do was wrap her arms around her, tell her everything would be okay. Then she remembered she could. There was no one around to judge them. No one to call them names or yell homophobic slurs.

Luna always flinched a bit when people yelled at her these days. The dreamy girl that uses to walk the Hogwarts grounds in bare feet, talking about nargles or other fantasy creatures was almost entirely gone. The war had forced her to come into contact with the real world so hard, it had almost shattered her. Sometimes Ginny was scared it had.

“There are so many dead people here. So many wandering souls.” Luna climbed one of the larger boulders and sat down. “Maybe they can tell us where the eggs are. Tell us where to find a new beginning.”

“Poetic. You should write a book.” Ginny joined her girlfriend. Her girlfriend that she didn’t dare call her girlfriend yet because she wasn’t sure if she was. She couldn’t bare to lose yet another person.

“You should help me write it.” Luna gave her a kiss on the nose. God her eyes were beautiful. “We’d live in a small house near the coast. Wake up every morning to the sight of each other in bed, listen to the breathing of the sea.” Luna leaned her head on Ginny’s shoulder, unaware of the effect her words had on the other girl.

Lost in a dream. That has to be it. Ginny pinched her arm

“Don’t hurt yourself.” Luna pulled her hand away. “People shouldn’t hurt themselves. Especially not when people are you.” She kissed her again. Slow, soft, more loving than just-a-fling kisses could ever be.

“Luna.” Whispered Ginny against her lips. “I think I’m in love with you.”

“I know.” Luna kissed her again. “They told me. The dead.” Ginny opened her eyes. Luna was crying. “They don’t want us to dwell on what was. We need to focus on what can be. What is.” She squeezed Ginny’s hand, smiling through her tears.

Ginny wrapped her in a tight hug, suddenly unable to hold back her own waterworks. But where luna’s tears were quiet, graceful even, Ginny’s tears were loud and ugly. They ruined the atmosphere, the mood, this magical moment. She wanted them to stop.

“You don’t have to be pretty when you cry.” Sometimes Ginny strongly suspected Luna was able to read minds. “Sadness and grief are not meant to be romantic or graceful. They hurt. They linger. They can tear you apart.”

Luna tightened her grip around the red haired girl. “But we have to live with them. We can live with them. Because we still live with the dead my love. They live in us. In everything and everyone they ever loved. And they don’t want us to dwell on their death, they want us to celebrate their life, because if we are alive and happy then so are they.”

Ginny thought she might drown in feelings. Grief for her lost friends, sadness for the trauma still ruining everyday life for so many people, love for the girl that held her even when her tears weren’t pretty and graceful.

“I don’t think I love you anymore.” She pulled back from the hug to face Luna. “I know I do.”


When the shadows grew longer and the temperature dropped Ginny and Luna climbed off their boulder. “It’s over there.” Luna pointed to a faint shimmer on the other side of the field or rocks.

“Let’s go get it.” Ginny didn’t grab Luna’s hand. Suddenly feeling the urge to be a teenage Gryffindor full of foolish ideas, she swept Luna of her feet like she was her bride. God, Ginny wanted her to be her bride. Luna laughed and held on tightly as Ginny carried her over the field. They nearly fell when they reached the egg.

Luna let out a giggle, and suddenly they were both utterly lost in laughter. Ginny hadn’t been this happy in ages, even though they were among the dead. Maybe the dead were laughing too. She hoped they were.

“Well then. Let’s open this thing.” Luna grabbed the egg and pulled away the golden wrapping. She cracked it open on one of the nearby rocks to reveal a note inside.

When Luna finished reading it she smiled and handed it over to Ginny. “I think this is more meant for you than for me.”

Curious about what kind of ridiculous prank her brothers had come up with this time Ginny took the note.

Hey baby sis,

we knew you and Luna would find this egg.

We don’t want to make you do anything to get a date. You deserve all the dates in the world already. The way you are helping Luna find back her old self is nothing either one of us ever suspected to see from our tough-girl sister.

Some moments don’t lend themselves for pranks or jokes. This one right here, among the remnants of the war, is one of those moments. We hope you are happy. Both of you. You deserve it.

With love, Fred and George


Sitting amongst the last ruined part of the castle, Ginny smiled, and kissed her girlfriend. “Well, mission accomplished I think.”


Again a bit all over the place but I really am trying to finish this before the end of easter and time-pressure doesn’t make my writing any better oops

"You survived"

Those words are something you’ll hear quite often if you’ve been through something traumatic. It sounds like you’ve won something. That you have earned more points than the thing that broke you. You’re the champion they say. What they don’t understand is you’ll never feel like a winner. Because that thing, that incident or that person stole every chance you had of claiming victory. It’s that soul ripping , heart crushing feeling that will be worn around your neck. Not a gold medal. You don’t eat a breakfast for champions. You swallow pills with the 3 day old glass of water next to the bed you haven’t left in a week. There will be no parade to celebrate all that you’ve overcame . Instead there will be memories crammed inside of balloons waiting to burst at any moment. There isn’t a trophy with your name etched in, but a deep emptiness that is engraved into your bones. So yes my heart is still pumping , but I am no winner. In fact there are no words to describe the endless way that I have lost.

Why Jasper and Centi could be friends

Idk if anything I say here will start a Discourse™ but like, these are just my thoughts okay. Pls don’t hurt me ; v;

So I’ve gotten a couple questions asking me why I got the idea of uncorrupted Centipeetle and uncorrupted Jasper living together, and becoming friends (and just because I’m a massive shipper I would totally ship them, but whether to interpret this for shipping or friendship is up to yall)

So I thought I’d give my reasoning as to why I came to this idea. It involves a lot of speculation though, keep that in mind

–After Jasper is healed (and I’m assuming she will be the second gem to be healed after Centipeetle) she will have nowhere to go. The Crystal Gems more than likely won’t want her around, and Lapis I assume will want Jasper to stay as far away from her as possible. And if Jasper retains her memories she may not want to be around Lapis either. It would be illogical of Steven to leave Jasper to fend for herself, and possibly even dangerous for both Jasper and any human she encounters in such a fragile state. Therefore leaving a healed Centipeetle, living on her crashed ship far away from both the Temple and the barn. She would be the only gem neutral enough on Jasper to be around her, and take her in as someone new to live with.

–They both have much more in common than they may think. Both gems are of a previously somewhat highly esteemed status on Homeworld. Centi having been a Captain in charge of colonizing earth, and Jasper having been quite possibly the strongest and most esteemed Quartz soldier Homeworld has ever seen. Both were subservient to their leaders and probably served them with extreme loyalty. And both have obviously experienced massive trauma due to corruption. Centi moreso, but still.

And in terms of the Gem War, both fought on Homeworld’s side. There wouldn’t be any conflict in regards to who they fought for.

–I think it’s safe to assume that both have experienced loss, however have not properly grieved. Centi being corrupted and Jasper focusing on revenge against Rose have not allowed either to mourn. Jasper lost Pink Diamond to the Crystal Gems. Now here’s where speculation comes in. During the war, Centi shows us that she originally had five other gems like her on her crew:

However by the end of Monster Reunion, we only see two other corrupted Centipeetles still on her ship:


Now it could be the case that the other three simply weren’t around for this scene but that just seems very unlikely, I mean these gems were in war after all. They would be quick to greet their captain’s return. I think it’s reasonable speculation that unfortunately, at least one and up to three of her crew members fighting in the gem war are either still missing and corrupted, or most likely, were shattered. I think that if this is the case, Centi and Jasper will end up helping each other come to terms with the people they’ve lost and moving on.

–This is a bit of a weird point to make but I’ll do it anyway. And this is where I’m afraid the discourse might start but again DOING IT ANYWAY

Fusion with other gems may become extremely taboo for Centi, Jasper and other corrupted gems should they be healed. As in, gems like Pearl, Peridot, Amethyst, and Steven, would be extremely hesitant to fuse with either of them during a crisis and may refuse to do so because they were previously corrupted. And in Jasper’s case there is her previously toxic fusion with Lapis. There may be a subconscious fear present in the Crystal Gems that some remnants of corruption are still there (and could possibly spread to them, which brings up some form of gem bigotry on this subject). Because of this, Jasper and Centi may find comfort in having this commonality and //possibly// bring the idea of them fusing with each other at some point.

So that’s my pseudo explanation of why I like these two together so much yey

This new mini episode was basically Kepcobi breaking up. In all seriousness Jacobi and Kepler’s alliance is really shaken.

I loved that Jacobi told Kepler off and didn’t let any of those excuses work. I also loved how Jacobi held him accountable for Maxwell’s death, something I was hoping he would do.

I do feel sorry that Jacobi had to go through all of this trauma and Kepler just let him suffer alone for the sake of secrecy.

I mean his terribleness aside I thought he cared about Jacobi more than that. Kepler is such a dick. You would think having lost a hand would make him less of an arrogant ass but nope. He really doesn’t feel bad about deceiving someone who put so much faith in him. Not only that he kept brushing off Jacobi’s justified rage and treating his emotional trauma like it was nothing. Kepler is just awful.

I still don’t think Jacobi will join the Hephaestus but when it comes to being Kepler’s loyal servant he’s clearly over it. So now Kepler doesn’t have a hand or a right hand man.

anonymous asked:

T100 is a dark show but I feel Jason is so focused on trying to shook the audience that he's forgetting the biggest strength of this show, the main characters and love. Don't you think so? What's the point to make Jasper's death so dramatic if it's not going to affect his friends at all? and Clarke wanted to save them but she hasn't connected with them since the last interactions of s2. It's a kind of mess imo. I wish they'd start writing consistent relationships and plots about fighting to live

I don’t entirely agree with this, nonny.

I don’t think that Jason has at all forgotten what the heart of the story is and if anything should be an indication of that it should be Praimfaya, of all episodes, one of the two Jason wrote this season. It focused basically exclusively on our delinquents heading to space, and then very briefly on Octavia (also a delinquent, I might add). THAT’S the heart of the show. That relationship among the delinquents, those characters we’ve grown to love? That’s always been the endgame Jason has been striving for season after season.

Which means that they can’t be together all the time. And, yes, they have to go on individual journeys, and struggle, and that’s the point. Because they are stronger together. But our characters can’t be strong all the time, they can’t always be with the people who complete them, who make them a perfect unit.

Why not, you ask? Because if they were always with those people, they would never grow. If they have everything they need, they would never learn to evolve on their own.

It’s the same idea with separating Bellarke so that Bellamy can develop his head-side without Clarke, and Clarke can develop her heart-side without Bellamy. They can’t be interdependent all the time, because the truth of the matter is that in the universe of The 100, there’s never a guarantee that they’ll have that person at their side. People die, they leave (something we’re a little too familiar with in the Bellarke fandom after 2x16 …).

Then what?

Then, our characters grow. On their own. And once they’ve gone through their individual journey, they come together and they kick even more ass than before. 

That’s kind of how it goes every season isn’t it? (With the exception of perhaps Season 1 where the sets and the budget was smaller, and they were introducing all the main characters/plot/relationships so it made sense to keep everyone so shuttered in together for the majority of the season.) Our characters work together for parts of the season, then they split up to go on their individual journeys, and then they come together again in the finale and kick ass as a team.

In Season 2, it started with all our characters separated, working to get to each other. They reunited in the first half of the season, created a battle strategy, and then separated to go through their own character journeys. Bellamy embarked into Mount Weather on his redemption arc to save his friends (simplifying the depth of his arc, obviously, but that’s not the point of this post). Clarke fell into her downward spiral as she took advice from L.exa. Jasper had to learn to become a leader in his own right. Raven struggled to come to terms with her new disability and pain. Octavia started training with Indra as a warrior. Murphy was off on his adventure with Jaha.

… See the trend?

Our heroes were all working together towards a common goal - defeat the Mountain (Murphy excluded) - but they were also struggling within themselves. It makes for interesting TV.

And then what happens in the Season 2 finale? They all end up in Mount Weather, working with and alongside each other using the lessons they’ve learned over the course of the season, in order to save their people.

What were huge themes of Season 2? Finding their family again - lots of reunions. The fight to see their friends/family again, to save them. What happens when you push away the people you love …

Because those themes: found family, love, and the things people will do to keep those things alive … THAT’S the heart of the show. And it hasn’t changed.

Then in Season 3, we spend the first half of the season with everyone isolated and struggling with their inner demons. Clarke struggling to face her people, Bellamy struggling to save them at whatever cost, Raven struggling with her pain, Jasper struggling with his PTSD, Monty struggling with stifling his own trauma while holding up his own family (Hannah and Jasper), Murphy struggling to survive on his own (like always … until Emori comes along), Octavia struggling to find her place in the world (struggling with Lincoln, with Bellamy, with Indra) and NONE of them sharing any of these things (for the most part) with each other.

And, yes, it was dark. And depressing and heavy and disheartening to watch sometimes. But that was the POINT. Season 2 was the descent into hell. 3A was hell itself, and 3B and Season 4 was our heroes rising from the ashes.

And sure enough, our main delinquents reunited in 4x11 and for the last six episodes of the season, it was all about them working together, piecing themselves back together, working towards a common goal as a team. In 3x16, we had Clarke going into the City of Light with Monty and Raven, Harper, etc working from Arkadia to help make it possible while Bellamy and Octavia kept her alive from the outside. It was a group effort. It involved all three elements for them to succeed in defeating ALIE.

What was a huge theme of Season 3? To put it simply, “together”. It was about showing our heroes and how they fall apart when they isolate themselves, and how they are stronger when they come together.

That’s always been the theme of the show, and - contrary to what many believe - the writers didn’t just drop that theme in Season 3. They took a dark approach to it, revealed an extremely grim perspective on the human condition, what happens to us when we fall down and there is no one there to pick us up, and people didn’t like that. But it doesn’t change the fact that the endpoint they were always building up to was our mains working together, stronger than before, in the end of the season.

Same thing in Season 4: they started off working together, they split up for awhile in the middle to embark on their own character arcs, and finally came together in the final few episodes to survive - together.

I think that ever since 3A, people have been stuck in this mindset that - just because they separated our favs from each other - that the writers don’t know what they’re doing. That they’re forgetting their own story, that they don’t realize what their fans want to see.

What I have to say to that is this: you listen to the anti’s too much. That is not the story the writers are telling. It never has been, and anyone who is ACTUALLY convinced that the writers are way up L.exa’s ass haven’t been paying attention. Appearing as a guest star in sixteen episodes does NOT make a show. And if it did, ADC would have been signed on as a regular before FTWD jumped.

I have no doubt Jason is well aware of where the heart of the show is and if anything is an indication of that, it is the finales he has written every single season. Each one consistently focusing on our delinquents working together to save the world. THAT’S the story he is telling. And I feel like a broken record, but I really can’t express this enough.

What’s the point to make Jasper’s death so dramatic if it’s not going to affect his friends at all?

I’m not going to argue with you about Jasper’s death because Jasper’s character arc is such a disappointment to me and I wish (oh god DO I WISH) it was handled in a way better way. I wish he had chosen to live, I wish Season 4 wasn’t just some long drawn out death sentence for him carried out from the Season 3 finale. I wish Jason could have thought of a better way for his character to continue to exist on the show, but that didn’t happen. And it sucks. And Jasper was my second favourite character (after Bellamy, loml) and I’m upset about it. And he was such good PTSD rep and they could have done amazing things with him.

I really feel like Jason had his mind set on killing Jasper in Season 3 but decided that would be too much, but never actually planned out another character arc for Jasper to have where he chooses to live instead. In his mind, Jasper’s story was over before Season 4 even began. Sometimes that happens with writers. They write themselves into a dead-end or they can’t think of another story that works for a character so instead of choosing the storyline where Jasper decides to live, he chose the alternate - darker - one where Jasper doesn’t recover from his trauma … and his story ends in tragedy.

It’s not the story I would have told, and I wish the way the characters on these shows responded to suicide was something other than saying, “you’re a coward”, but I’m not one for censoring what stories other artists choose to tell. They chose to write the dark one. Really, all that I can do is be sad and bitter and wish that the writers decided on a different character arc.

But they didn’t.

That still doesn’t mean that the writers have lost sight of what this story is about, though.

It’s still about the delinquents. It’s still about the theme of “together”. It’s still about life and hope and, yes, some of our characters die along the way or lose their path but - ultimately - in the end, this story is about family.

We don’t know for certain that Jasper has been forgotten, that he won’t be remembered. There are still those flashbacks Jason promised, and they always do callbacks to previous seasons. Yes, I wish we got more of a reaction out of characters like Clarke and Raven (grrr… still bitter over what could have been) and OCTAVIA, but I chalk that all down to being another problem to pile on top of all the other issues with Season 4 that could have been resolved with three extra episodes.

The writers took on too much in one season and they didn’t have enough episodes to tell it properly. Pacing was an issue, and a lot of things got cut or weren’t fleshed out as much as I would have liked because of it - including the response to Jasper’s death.

The writers just didn’t allocate themselves enough time for those emotional beats… and it’s annoying, but there’s really nothing that can be done about it at this point.

I find that most of the problems with storytelling on this show have much less to do with the actual story itself, and more to do with the pacing. This particular instance is no exception.

Clarke wanted to save them but she hasn’t connected with them since the last interactions of s2.

Clarke has pretty much always been kind of distant from most of her friends, with the exception of pretty much only Bellamy. I mean, hell, she even started the show in isolation. This has always been her struggle. Valuing her head over her heart (and sometimes sacrificing her relationships in the process). I thought that the way we ended Season 4, with Clarke waiting every day to reunite with her friends, never giving up hope … that bodes very well for that long-drawn out arc of Clarke holding herself apart from her friends to finally reach some sort of resolution. I’m very excited for where her arc is going next season, and I think the writers are well aware of Clarke’s tendency to isolate herself.

It’s being addressed.

I wish they’d start writing consistent relationships and plots about fighting to live

Sorry, disagree. They’re already writing those things.

This show has consistently been about our characters’ fight for survival. Isn’t that basically the premise of the show? Fighting to live? Say what you want about everything else about the show, but I’ve always felt that part was pretty consistent.

As for consistent relationships … I think most of the relationships we’re invested in HAVE been consistent. They spend time developing the relationships that are most important to the audience. Like Bellamy and Clarke, Abby and Raven, Monty and Jasper (while it ends tragically), the Blakes (as dysfunctional as they are, I don’t feel like it’s really developed unnaturally for how their dynamic started off and evolved), Kane and Abby, Memori, etc, etc. 

I must be reading the show differently than a lot of people because I feel that many are disappointed, thinking that the writers have lost sight of the show they first set out to be, but I disagree. The show has evolved, matured, and gotten more complex. Our characters have grown, they’re older, and they’ve changed. As a result, the relationships have too. But our core relationships on the show? Those have always been front and center, and our delinquents have always been the focus of each resolution to every season. 

We haven’t lost that many of our main delinquents. Jasper and Finn - that’s basically it. Think how many Grounders we’ve lost? How many other characters who aren’t Sky People? Anya, L.exa, Roan, Ilian, Luna, Lincoln, Maya, etc … These characters - as much as we may love some of them - are supporting characters. 

The delinquents are less expendable, and when you actually start cracking down on numbers, it shows that the writers don’t view them as being unimportant in the way that many “fans” would have you believe.

This is a way longer response than I intended on ever writing, so I’m just going to wrap it up here. I think my opinion has been expanded on more than enough.

Dear Assata Shakur

You were right. My dear, you were absolutely right. You and the former Black Panther party foreseen the injustices that we as a people would face but unbeknownst to a new generation we THOUGHT we came a long way because of the little privileges that was given to us. We are literally facing the same scrutiny and injustices that you faced some 35 years ago the only difference is we have cameras and even with these act of violence against us caught on cameras and are broadcast worldwide not one person has been indicted for cold blooded murder.

Assata do we to your children have to pick up weapons to protect ourselves from those sworn to protect and serve? Do we your children have to spill their blood to retaliate against a system that sees no value of our lives unless it’s serving them? Assata must we too flee from social persecution? Or should we stand tall and fight?

Assata, the fight has become tiresome. Our bodies are bruised, our vision is blurry, our bones are fragile, our dreams have been deterred and our minds warped but yet we still fight one another for the scrapes they feed us from the dinner table. Assata your children need you. We need the mother that challenged social injustices and lost but never gave up. Assata , mother, I can never imagine the trauma, pain or suffering you beard witness too while locked up for six and a half years but it didn’t break you. Assata we need your help mother.

Mother, your children now wear the mask that grins and lies, we use them to hide our cheeks and shade our eyes because our eyes now burn from smoke, from sorrow, from injustices and our skin charged with anger. Mother when will this stop? When will we stop burying our children, your grand children. Mother lately I’ve been hear the voices of our ancestors crying out from their burned, hung and watery graves, screaming for revolution, screaming for justice, screaming for unity but mother am I the only one hearing it. To be honest it’s now becoming a feeling, an unshakeable feeling that’s now manifested into an emotion or a reaction.

Mother, I know you hear the torment of your children, i know you feel the cries and screams our voices echoing through the walls of your womb, Your womb the place we once found refuge but couldn’t stay. Assets, Mother, you were a runaway slave of the 20th century and now i….us….we, your children are captive slaves of the 21st century and our chains are no longer made with cast iron, and our hips are no longer bullwhip of raw cow hide peeling the flesh from our bones, but rather they are brands that keep us chained, bullets that tear our flesh.

Dear Mother what deed have we committed? Are the sins of their fathers using our blood as means of payment? Mother, Mother, Mother!!!!….can you hear me?

Dear Assata (she who struggles) Olygbala (for the people) Shakur(the thankful one) , I’m listening. 

Mother please write back….

anonymous asked:

i know the book 3 finale is a total mess when it comes to resolving the issue of aang and the avatar state but something has been really bothering me. in book 2, we know aang initially refuses to let go of his attachment to katara. however in the fight under ba sing se against azula and zuko, we can assume his "i'm sorry katara" is because letting his attachment go means knowingly endangering her by (momentarily) leaving her to deal with the firebenders on her own but he knows he has to do this+

+for the greater good. we then see him entering the avatar state deliberately (without being in a state of incredible emotional upset) until azula shoots him down, suggesting that he has in fact successfully unblocked the chakra, at least the spiritually. but why then in EIP does he say he would be in the avatar state if his chakra wasn’t blocked? if he has let go of his attachment to katara, he should have mastery over the AS, meaning he wouldn’t just go into it from being upset?

also, if he really had let go of his attachment to her he would not behave so possessively and entitled in EIP. so the fact that he says “if i hadn’t blocked my chakra i’d be in the AS right now” as well as his possessive behaviour towards katara would have me believe that after ba sing se he has regressed in the spirituality needed to unblock his chakra. and seeing as there is nothing after EIP where his feelings for her are addressed we have no reason to believe he unblocked the thought chakrain which case a rock to the back is useless. the only way that rock thing makes any sense is if aang did in fact successfully unblock the thought chakra but azula’s lightning blocked the flow of his chi at the point of his injury, 

in which case perhaps the impact of the rock shifted whatever was causing the block. but if this were true and aang unblocked all his chakras, why would there even be a possibility of him accidentally entering the AS when he was upset in EIP? am i making sense?

Don’t worry, you are making perfect sense. It is the Avatar finale that is making everyone’s head spin.

You are correct: Aang did successfully “let Katara go” when he was willing to sacrifice her temporary wellbeing in order to unlock the final chakra and ascend into the Avatar State at the end of Book 2. It’s the only time we see him successfully go into the Avatar State under his own power.

I believe that the chakra has a physical and spiritual component to it (otherwise, why would the Guru change Aang’s diet when he’s trying to master the chakras?). As such, Azula’s shooting him with lighting could be a physical blockage only. But in “The Awakening”, we receive evidence that the wound is not just physical; it is spiritual in nature, too. That’s why, when Katara tries to heal him, Aang experiences flashbacks about what happened.

Throughout the rest of that episode, Aang is angry, bitter, and lost. He goes off on his own, a regression back to his running away modus operandi when things became too difficult for him in earlier books. He shuts out Katara, and it is only when he has a vision of Avatar Roku and Yue combined that he regains his determination and emotional balance. Spiritual intervention wouldn’t be needed if Azula didn’t damage Aang metaphysically, as well as bodily.  

Wounds that are a combination of physical and spiritual trauma are consistent with A:TLA’s mythology. Consider Appa in “Appa’s Lost Days”; Appa’s wounds were more than just physical, as well:

Guru: Oh, dear. You’ve been through so much recently. Hurt and betrayed, so twisted up inside. You’re still full of love.  But fear has moved in where trust should be.

This is very similar to Katara’s diagnosis of Aang:

Katara: I can feel a lot of energy twisted up around there.

Aang tasting defeat, Ba Sing Se falling, Aang having to hide his identity, Aang feeling like he let everyone down … all of that negativity resulted from Azula’s attack, and the fact that after Aang says, “I need my honor back,” the episode immediately cuts to the scarred side of Zuko’s face, is a pointed message to the audience. Not only are Aang and Zuko on similar spiritual journeys; they have also been spiritually wounded as the result of a grievous injury.

Honestly, it makes a lot of sense for physical injuries to result in spiritual wounds as well; we see it all the time in real life. And Aang does seem to have completely nixed the earlier selfless attachment to Katara he briefly felt at the Crossroads of Destiny. This in and of itself is fine; Rome wasn’t built in a day, and all that. But the problem is that, since the wound is physical and spiritual in nature, merely hitting Aang’s back with a rock would—as you said—do nothing. Compounding that, there is no sign in Book 3 that Aang has let go of his attachment to Katara again, especially since during the last conversation he has with her alone, he demonstrates self-centeredness, possessiveness, and a lack of regard for Katara’s feelings. Aang would have had to undergo a spiritual journey at the end of A:TLA that we never got to see in order for his controlling the Avatar State in the finale to match with the build-up of the story.

Tulip & Viktor’s Relationship

I love that this show has very explicitly neurodivergent protagonists who nevertheless are presented as heroes within the context of the story. We see all three of them become somewhat childlike in the face of realities of life they’re not equipped to deal with bc they never developed the tools in the first place or lost them along the way. The fact that all three of the main characters on the show are allowed to be these damaged mentally unstable people realistically working through trauma but also heroes is a huge deal - I cannot think of many shows that have done anything remotely similar. Usually if it is in a show, it’s not handled realistically or sensitively but they’re really making efforts here. And most importantly they show that they can still have relationships, be heroes, do good things, etc. - they’re not demonized for being fucked up and in fact the viewer should very easily be able to tell why they are the way they are. And their bad actions aren’t excused, but they are explained, and we see them making efforts to both better themselves and weaponize their darkness for their own survival and that of those they care about. I wouldn’t love them as much as I do without their flaws - that’s what makes them so sympathetic and real and makes their relationship an amazing commentary on the human condition and gives the three leads the opportunity to act the hell out of every scene they’re in.

It was particularly interesting to see how Tulip handled her situation over the last two episodes and I’m interested to see how she will deal with it now. 

Tulip’s very much been written as a child of the foster care system. We saw that as early as the Jesse/Tulip flashback in s1ep7 (”He Gone”) where we find out she wets the bed, which is something lots of kids with horrible stressful childhoods do. A lot of her arc reminds me of certain aspects of Sarah Linden’s in The Killing - very different characters but they deal with problems in similar ways and have very similar pasts - she was also someone who got shunted through the foster care system and came out of it with a whole bunch of abandonment issues and a strong personal sense of justice. Her partner and friend said this to her once - “This is like a pattern with you, you know that? You always leavin’, runnin’. You never stay… ‘cause if you did, then you’d want it. You’d need it. And then you could get hurt. And left…or not left. Why don’t you stay? Stay.“ And ultimately, her response to that is “I never had a real house to grow up in. You know, home. I never belonged anywhere. And all my life, I was looking for that thing you know. Thinking that it was out there somewhere. That all I had to do was find it. But I think, maybe that home was us. It was you and me together in that stupid car riding around, smoking cigarettes. I think that was everything. I’m sorry. I should have known that you were one person who always stays. And you were my best friend.”

That is what Tulip has been looking for all this time. Something reliable, something consistent and reciprocal and loving, something like family because she’s never had one, not really. And after Jesse abandoned her, she might’ve had something approximating that with Viktor and his daughter. As Ruth said, “Tulip feels so strongly for Viktor. He was something steady in her life and I think she’s never had that. To his credit, he sort of rehabilitated her. But also, that was the worst thing he could have done because then she was ready to go back on the road again. I think it broke his heart, really.”

So Tulip climbed out of her depression and decided to redress the problem that started it all - Carlos’ betrayal of her and Jesse and everything that followed. There are all these lingering issues between Tulip and Jesse - he hasn’t told her about the abusive maternal side of his family or how he feels he damned his father to hell for sending her away and that is at the root of all of his behavior and hangups. He has told NO ONE about any of that, ever, and naturally that was going to color any effort he made at moving forward. He loves Tulip dearly but he’s got issues that scare him so much he’s in denial about even having them, and I think that when she miscarried he felt this was just another part of his curse coming back to haunt him which necessitated his return to Annville to fulfill his father’s mission…but they’re going to give us more backstory next week in the “Dallas” episode which may enlighten us further about anything else that may have happened in the wake of Carlos’ betrayal and how it affected the Jesse/Tulip relationship. It’s easy to tell that this whole season is about family and the lengths people will go to find it or reclaim it or maintain it, which is an extension of themes about contentious intergenerational relationships carried over from s1. 

Tulip’s uncle Walter was all Tulip ever had, and that was never enough. She was taken away from the Custers and later she had Jesse but that was precarious and unsteady. She was happy with that but he left her when she was at her lowest point emotionally. As my friend @hermouthslipped put it, “I wouldn’t say that Walter wasn’t enough, because he was never on the table as being enough - in his eyes or Tulip’s. He was always dying - and in that sense, Tulip has only ever had a dying family, if she were to even count it as one at all. This means that what Viktor offered - complex relationships, established dynamics, a LIVING family - was more than even the promise crushed with Jesse. Something that neither Jesse nor Tulip ever imagined them as having - they were just too orphaned to imagine belonging to something like that. It was maybe the only thing that could have rehabilitated her.” We’ll see how she handles the reality of her situation now that she’s moved on in some ways but Viktor hasn’t. And I think it’s pretty clear why she was afraid to tell Jesse - Ruth said it was because she was afraid of how he might judge and shame her but from a practical perspective it also wasn’t a good idea bc like she told Cassidy it would, it only made things worse - because his reaction was to shut her out and sate his own jealous defensiveness over his relationship with her - the only loving one in his life.

Here’s a thing that’s annoyed me ever since I was about 10.

The stigma that it’s considered “immature” and “embarrassing” to still like playing with toys and doing “childish” things when you are 12 and up.

Because 1: It pressures older children and younger teens into feeling like they HAVE to stop liking the things they used to like or else they can’t really grow up.

And 2: Some people mature slower than others and naturally seek entertainment in kid’s things for a longer time in their lives than what’s considered “normal”. Example: I have ADHD and in middle school I still played with toys and played on playgrounds but eventually I started to feel bad about it because adults always assumed that kids my age had already gotten rid of our toys because we were “too old for them”.

And 3: A lot of older teens and even full grown adults will play with toys and do other “childish” things in order to cope with their abusive childhoods and trauma. They are basically trying to reclaim the years they lost that they could have spent having fun and playing like every kid should have the right too.

Please keep in mind that I am NOT trying to defend gross fetishes that sexualize things meant for children. I’m talking about people who genuinely find innocent fun in kid stuff just because it makes them happy.

And something that has really been making me upset lately is that I can no longer do my favorite things like play in jumping houses and playgrounds and pretending to be an adventurer/astronaut/dinosaur/anything else fun because people will thing I’m “weird”, “immature”, “must have special needs”, or “must have a fetish”.
Whenever I wander around the toy isle in a store I feel like I have to pretend I’m buying something for a younger sibling because I can’t help but feel like other adults and teens are giving me weird looks.

The only actual legit reason I can admittedly see why people think adults playing on playgrounds is weird is because there may be a chance they are sexual predator. Because a lot of those people go into areas with children and try to be friends with them in order to lure them in. It’s a shame that people like that ruin it for the adults and teens that just genuinely want to have fun.

But as for playing with toys? Now there is absolutely no reason for a stigma against that. The idea that you MUST abandon everything you loved as young child in order to grow up is cruel, ablest, and sends bad messages to kids.

notyetbulletproof  asked:

To add to your post, I also think that Iris helps remind him that's he's human. That's he has suffered and it's perfectly fine to want a win for once but not with such extreme measures like killing himself or others. I do agree that team flash is still experiencing trauma. I mean Iris is about to die and she's still there for everyoneee. Barry constantly deals with both physical and mental pain and it's passed over because he heals quickly. Cisco lost his Brother, watched his Best Friend become

A killer. Wally, Joe- the list goes on.

Marvelous points, one and all. 

In particular, I’ve always enjoyed Iris and Barry because they have such a mutually supportive relationship.  Barry would do anything for Iris, and Iris would do anything for Barry.  They’re open with each other: they share their fears, joys, and everything in between.  Lately, we’ve been given a lot of these beautiful little scenes with Barry and Iris where he is, nowadays uncharacteristically, open with her, vulnerable in a way that he isn’t with most of the team because he feels like he has to be The Strong One.  He takes that role literally, working hard to protect his team – and mask how much physical pain he is in.

Iris is also The Strong One because she is the emotional bedrock of the team.  She is present for them, supportive in times of need, foundational in times of plenty.  Without Iris, the team falters and eventually fails.  Someone has to be stable.  Even when she is internally falling apart, Iris makes a point of being composed around her teammates.  She knows how much they need stability to function, and she provides it. 

Barry shoves aside physical pain and Iris shoves aside emotional pain in order to be there for the team in their “alpha” roles.  However, like a true alpha pair, they support each other, too.  In Untouchable, Barry looks after a dying Iris; earlier in the same episode, he comforts her emotionally after telling her about Savitar.  In Back to Normal, Iris bandages Barry up; in Borrowing Problems from the Future, she talks him through his own nightmares.

They’re both hurting tremendously, and yet they find comfort, security even, in their shared trials.  Because they know that they don’t have to be The Strong Ones to be loved, and deserving of peace of mind, and prosperity, and the general hopefulness that accompanies being able to save the world.

On Orihime Inoue and how a decade has changed very little

In 2006, I watched my first episode of Bleach, dubbed in English, on Youtube. I was fourteen, and wasn’t aware that I’d already known about anime for years. I’d grown up watching the 4Kids dub of Pokémon and Yugioh on American TV, but had just thought of them as Saturday morning cartoons.

Bleach was a turning point, a catalyst. I watched the dub, then the sub, and then tried my hand at the manga, and the rest – as they say it – is history. My recent re-introduction to the series, and the novelty of a decade-plus time-skip separating the storyline’s final arc and the manga’s ending, has prompted me to look back on a fandom that has changed, perhaps a bit, but not very much in the decade I’ve been aware of it.

You see, in 2006 I loved Orihime Inoue.

Keep reading

I lost my father at twelve. 

A year after that I started having sex.. I started getting really promiquise, started drinking, started getting sexually used while drinking.i slept with alot of men.i couldn’t handle the pain and only created more. 

I was a very christian girl. I still believe in God. 

But it’s a constant battle to not go back to my old ways. My father’s death was not easy. And I never even knew I had any trauma from it. My mom didn’t even tell me I was diagnosed with ptsd 10 years later and I wondered why I did all the stuff I did. 

I had a son when I was 20. 

His father left me this spring time because of my ptsd and my drinking. He had a whole lot of trauma too from thing’s from his past accept he wasn’t trying to deal with it.

He left and it gave me more trauma. 

I’m too the point I don’t care if he’s gone. But I’m too the point where I don’t know if I’ll ever bounce back to be positive and not hide from the world. 

I just need more ways of coping..other than going back to My old ways.. I feel so dirty all the time..

tinyteenieweenie123

#LAVENDER sisterhood answer:

Excellent Work ! !!   In-depth analysis of many different themes going on.  concise wording which makes it so impactful and relatible.  

Do you think you can expand this into more of a screen play or novel.  

How about expanding a paragraph to a chapter?