i still do love you show

3

170525 BTS FC UPDATE (JH)

[It’s been a while]

It’s been a while
Since I posted anything~~~
Guys, is this the place where the fans of Billboard singers are gathering happily together??????
Ahahahahahahahaah
I came here to say thank you and hi to everyone. 4 days have gone by. 4 days have passed?? I still can’t believe it. Because of everyone’s love and support we received such a huge award !!!
You guys know this, right !!!??? This is your award!!!
At this moment, I want us all to love and support each other !!!!
We arrived in Australia today. We visited many great places and ate delicious food
We will perform well at tomorrow’s show!!!!!!
I will do well and come back safely like I always do ~
Here are some pictures~~~

trans: jhope-shi | do not reupload!

Kalagang #09

1x11 Just Turn The Wheel And The Future Changes

We are here. WE ARE FINALLY HERE. I know we still have a long way to go, but…this is the episode in which Kalagang has their first kiss! However, it’s not just about the kiss. It’s the depth of emotions both Kala and Wolfgang show in this episode that really made their relationship beautiful. Heartbreaking, but beautiful.

Rajan: I want you to marry me, not to be for or against anyone else, because I love you, I trust you…and I can imagine no better life than growing old with you. All I need to know is…after everything that has happened, do you still want to marry me?

To be honest, I love and hate that Rajan is actually a nice guy. If he were just a typical asshole who’s always forcing Kala to marry him, it’d have been too obvious, you know. Not to mention she would never marry that kind of guy. But at the same time, because he truly loves and cares about Kala, it’s frustrating to see Kala having a hard time to simply say ‘no’ to him.

I wish I had a GIF for this scene, but anyhow, when Rajan asks her if she still wants to marry him, Kala’s eyes literally get bigger as if she had this thought – more likely a person crossing her mind. Wolfgang.

Kala is now facing a crossroad – whether she will follow her head, or follow her heart. For all her life, Kala has depended on her faith to guide her life. This time, however, the choice is in her hands. It’s Kala herself who must make a decision.

Wolfgang: You will take good care of him, you understand? If anyone comes looking for a man matching his description, you say nothing, you do nothing, you call me.

Original post [x] @dizzeikipling

Meanwhile, Wolfgang moves Felix to different hospital where he can be safe. Wolfgang is about to walk into his uncle’s mansion alone which is completely suicidal. But he is more concerned about Felix than himself. Wolfgang protects those he loves with his own life…and yet he still thinks he doesn’t deserve love from anyone.

When Wolfgang stops his car near by the front gate of Sergei’s mansion and opens his eyes, he already knows that he might die today. Wolfgang’s life has been always surrounded by fights, blood, and deaths. He is used to death – as I mentioned in first episode. But no matter how much he hates his life, despises himself, or feels numb about violence, he is still human. And every human, even the bravest ones, fears death.

Wolfgang is afraid, and that leads him to think of one person. Kala.

Kala: This is a bad place. You should not be here.

Original post [x] @fyeahmaxriemelt

In 1x05 during Kala’s wedding, Wolfgang was her inner voice. This time, it’s switched. Kala is now Wolfgang’s inner voice. He knows he should not be here. She feels Wolfgang’s fear, so vividly, more than ever. You can see it from her eyes.

Kala: You don’t have to do this. You could just…turn around. It is so simple a thing, just…just turn the wheel, and the future changes.

Every word she says is killing him. Not just because part of him thinks the same, but because it is Kala who is telling him that. Wolfgang can also feel Kala’s fear – of losing him – and it’s making him harder to go to the mansion. She is making him weak and vulnerable.

Original post [x] @wsoldiers

This may be another reason why Wolfgang has suppressed his emotions – because feelings make him weak. He cannot be weak in order to survive in his world of chaos and darkness.

So Wolfgang closes his eyes tightly, trying to control his feelings. He tries his best to not change his mind. He doesn’t want to be swayed by Kala, and yet, he can’t get her out of his mind – because he doesn’t want her to leave. As much as he doesn’t want this to be their last time, Wolfgang fears it might be the last time he’ll ever see Kala again.

Wolfgang: You stopped your wedding, but it’s still going to happen. [You don’t know that] Some things in our lives are inevitable.

Original post [x] @saralance

Wolfgang knows that Kala is very logic-driven person. He understands she will always choose to do the right thing, even if that may cost her own happiness. He believes Kala marrying Rajan is as inevitable as himself living a life as a monster.

Kala, after she hears from Wolfgang, seems a bit angry. She is mad at herself for she knows Wolfgang is right – that she’ll eventually choose to do the right thing, like always. And they both know ‘the right thing’ may not be ‘choosing Wolfgang’. But she’s also mad at Wolfgang because deep inside there’s a part of her that wants him to say ‘I need you’, ‘I want you’, or ‘I love you’. Kala can’t no longer ignore the desire in her heart. A fire that makes her feel alive. The attraction similar to force of gravity. Emotion that has consumed her.

Kala: Don’t do this. They will kill you. [There are worse things than dying] Wolfgang, please!

Original post [x] @stevenrogered

Yes, Kala is a logical person. Even when she decided to marry Rajan, her reasons were based on logic. To Kala, logic has always come first. But not when she’s with Wolfgang. Possibly for the first time, Kala lets her emotions drive her. Feelings take control of her body and mind.

All this time, when she was with Wolfgang, Kala has tried to control herself – her desire. Now, she calls his name for the first time in desperation…clutches his hand that reached for the gun, and begging him to not go there. Emotion overwhelms logic. Kala is trying to stop him not because what he’s trying to do is immoral and wrong; but only because she cares about him. Because she’s not ready to lose him.

Wolfgang: There are things I will never be able to understand about your world, just as there are things you will never understand about mine.

Wolfgang tries to push Kala away. He suppresses feelings, once again, pretending he doesn’t feel anything – like he doesn’t care. But no matter how he tries Wolfgang can’t hide his feelings from Kala, just as she can’t hide hers from him.

Kala: I understand how I feel about you. And somehow, I know that you feel the same way about me.

Original post [x] @daisyjonhsons

There may be more important matters which Kala needs to make a choice. But right now, at this very moment, she chooses to be true to her heart. When we’re true to our hearts and expresses them, we may get hurt, become vulnerable, helpless, and even selfish sometimes – but that’s what makes us human. That’s what makes us beautiful in that raw moment.

At that moment, when Kala finally opens up and tells Wolfgang how she feels about him…she was more beautiful than ever.

Wolfgang: This is why I’m here…After what I did…

Kala’s confession lets his guard down. Wolfgang’s facial expression softens. He carefully reaches for her face and gently touches it. He seems a bit scared when he touches Kala – showing he truly cares about her, but at the same time he doesn’t think he deserves her…because she’s too good for him.

Wolfgang: As long as that man is alive…no one I care about will ever be safe.

Both determination and hesitation are in Wolfgang’s eyes. He must do this in order to protect those he cares, but deep down he is scared of the thought that he won’t be able to see, touch, and feel Kala anymore.

Also, see how the word choice for his feelings towards Kala has changed again. In the beginning it was ‘craving’, then it changed to ‘want’, and now he refers Kala as someone he ‘cares’ – ‘feel concern or interest; attach importance to somethingor ‘feel affection or liking’. Wolfgang now understands that what he feels for Kala is more than just a desire.

Original post [x] @fyeahwolfiekala

Kala knows she can’t stop Wolfgang, even though she also feels his hesitation as well as his affection towards her. Kala lets him touch her this time. (she kinda rejected last time at the cafe)

While I was searching for GIF of their first kiss, I read this post describing – that hesitation and enthusiasm were seen in both characters as they get closer to each other, before the kiss.

I think that’s a perfect analysis for this moment…although I can’t find the original post that has that description. I’ll keep looking up.

I just like how Kala strokes Wolfgang’s jaw, and he is slightly touching her hair.

Original post [x] @regina-georges

Even after they kiss, Wolfgang hesitates to touch Kala’s face. I’m sure most of you were hoping that this won’t be Kalagang’s first-and-last kiss when you first watched this scene. #SaveWolfieSeason1

Original post [x] @kalaswolfgcng

What’s so sad about this kiss is that it’s Wolfgang who pulls away first and Kala seems like her heart literally dropped as soon as he did that. She didn’t want to stop. What’s more heartbreaking is – so did Wolfgang. We can see pain on his face right after he pulls away. But Wolfgang had to, because he knew – if he hadn’t stopped that kiss, he would’ve turn the wheel.

Right after Kala disappears (more like he lets her out of his mind), Wolfgang is back to being no-emotion-Wolfie. This just highlights, again, how much Kala’s presence affects him.

Kala cries for him. She cries because of him…feeling helpless.

Sun: Crying won’t help him. I can feel what you’re feeling. This is what life is. Fear, rage, desire…love. To stop feeling emotions, to stop wanting to feel them…is to feel death. [What do you suggest I do?] I take everything I am feeling…everything that matters to me…I push all of it…into my fist…and I fight for it.

Original post [x] @welcometoyouredoom

Then, Sun appears. She gives her the guidance. She also teaches Kala a lesson – that crying won’t help; if she wants to protect the ones she cares, Kala must fight for them. And we will see Kala fighting for her loved ones in next episode. The season finale.

THANK YOU FOR 1000 FOLLOWERS!!

At frickin’ last, here’s the celebratory… sequence!
I never told you I know how to use After Effects, right? (>ᗜ<) I wish I could post this video in glorious 720p but what I’m going to do ¯\_(^‿^;)_/¯ 

Anyway, it’s amazing how far we’ve come, like… incredibly far.
I still remember when I decided to make an ask blog ‘cause that was the trend back in 2012. I thought my blog would fade away along with the rest of unsuccessful ask blogs, but to my surprise, you loved this blog so much some people still begged me to reopen this blog long after closing it. This shows me I’ve created something worthy, and all of you followers are also proof of that.

So, again, thanks a lot. Every one of you is precious, even if you think you aren’t. ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭*:・゚✧

2

Cleopatra : Confessions Of A Mistress


A Letter To Julius

Dear My Love,

Its been awhile since i seen you i know you still think of me when your in Rome. The last visit was something to remember but i`m writing to you to tell you that you are on my mind too. It would be nice if you came to my land and show me how much you think of me,No one has to know what we do at the Temple just only you and me. I just want to feel your hands all over my golden brown skin while i give you my sweet lips as they touch yours. Don`t worry my love there will be more than just touching so come ready for a surprise.

- Cleo


I Will Be Doing A Scene With Sort Of A Egyptian Theme Yours Truly Will Be The Female Ruler Cleopatra. The Title Explains The Story But I Will Be Doing The Diary Entry As Cleo. You Maybe Wondering Who Will Be Playing Ruler Of Rome Julius Caesar Well I Will Let That Be A Special Appearance So Stay Tuned Folks!!!

Okay in reference to my post: i still stand by what i said. Being nice is rly fuckin easy. Even for me - someone who struggles with relationships and showing affection. A smile, a compliment to someone you care for, a word of encouragement; these are things that are so simple and you can incorporate this into your everyday easily. Doing these little things will not only help your mindset, but will make the people around you happier. Kindness is contagious. Make someones day even if you are having a shit one. Integrate little acts of kindness into your life slowly, not all at once. Please for the love of god make this god damned world a little bit happier tomorrow, the day after, next week, in a years time. It needs it.

Aaaayyyy so I found a post where someone shared their top 20 favorites and I decided I wanted to make my own to xD I made this template myself and I have a blank one (tho without text at all, I can input the “Top 20 Favorite Shows” if anyone wants me to). If you wanna do your own with my template, just shoot me an ask or PM!

Hit the read more if you really want to know my opinions on each. I suck at summarizing so it is a bit of a read, sorry about that heh

Keep reading

reyesandryder  asked:

Hi! If you have time for the 4-word Prompts could you do Scott/Reyes "Please, come with me." ? with a side of angst if it fits but anything would be great! Thanky! :)

Please come with me

“Please, come with me. I need to show you something.”

Even under the best of circumstances Reyes found it nearly impossible to refuse Scott. And now, when his lover uttered his request in a soft, wistful tone, Reyes had no other choice but to follow obediently without a question.

For the last couple of days Scott was out of sorts. Reyes noticed it first during their vidcalls, confirming it later in person when the Pathfinder touched down on Kadara. Scott looked subdued, as if carrying a burden far too heavy for his shoulders, his usually bright and lively eyes filled with uncharacteristic melancholy. Reyes asked him what was wrong, but got only a half-hearted assurance that everything was fine. He didn’t press on, knowing that some secrets needed time to come to light. It seemed that time was now.

Scott kept silent the whole journey to Meridian and Reyes quickly gave up on any attempts to strike up a conversation. All he could do was to be there for him, a quiet, but hopefully comforting presence.

Once they landed near the Hyperion, Scott took his hand, his palm sweaty and his grip like a vice, and guided him towards the Cryo Bay. Most pods were empty now, as the colonists had been woken up and shipped off to different planets. But there were still quite a few people in deep slumber, blissfully unaware of everything that had happened.

Scott went to the terminal and typed up some numbers. The machines whirred, lowering one of the pods to the ground level. Scott came closer and put his hand on the lid, his expression pained and somber.

“Elizabeth Reilly,” he said. Reyes searched his memory, but that name meant nothing to him. He waited for an explanation, which came a moment later. “Officially, at least. But in reality it’s Ellen Ryder. My mother.”

“What?” Escaped Reyes’s mouth, but he quickly collected himself again. “I thought your mother was dead.”

“I thought so too,” Scott sighed. “Only recently I have found out the truth. My father put my mom in cryostasis, hoping that one day we’ll find a cure for her sickness. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, I decided with Sara to keep this a secret.”

Reyes shook his head, showing that he wasn’t upset. He was the last person who would condemn someone for keeping a secret.

“But that’s… good, right?” Reyes said carefully. From what he heard, Scott and his mother were really close. “She is here, she can be saved. You can still be together.”

Scott’s gaze dropped to the floor. Tears glistened in his eyes.

“I spoke to an asari scientist a couple of days ago. She told me that with our current state of knowledge and our resources it would take years to develop a cure. Over a hundred, maybe two, and that’s an optimistic estimation.”

Reyes felt his chest clench painfully. He didn’t know what to say, his heart breaking as he saw the anguish painted across Scott’s features.

“So even if she can be cured, I’ll be long…” Scott’s voice faltered, words turning into a heart-wrenching sob. He brought his hand to his face to hide the tears spilling over to his cheeks.

Reyes acted on impulse. He gathered Scott into his arms, stroke his hair, held him as the man cried his heart out. Words of comfort began flowing, mentions of yet unexplored Jaardan technology, of all the knowledge the angara had gathered, of all the planets with their marvelous ecosystems still waiting to be discovered. There was still hope.

Reyes wasn’t sure if Scott believed him – he wasn’t sure if he believed himself – but eventually Scott calmed down. Sniffing, he pulled away and wiped the tears with his sleeve. Slightly embarrassed by this outburst, he looked so young and vulnerable. Reyes never loved him more.

“Thank you for coming here with me,” Scott said, his voice still a little hoarse.

“I’m here for you,” Reyes replied, his words serious, sympathetic, truthful. “Always.”

“I know.” A faint smile flickered across Scott’s lips. Beautiful, sad, but with a hint of his usual optimistic self. A small victory.

Reyes leaned closer and placed a gentle kiss on his lover’s temple.

“Would you care for a drink?” he proposed. Scott could definitely use one right now. “I know a guy around here who can give me a discount.”

“You never pay for your drinks anyway.” Scott reached for his hand, squeezing it lightly.

“Ah, yes, part of my roguish charm. Heard from a certain Pathfinder that guys dig it.”

Scott’s soft chuckle was the best reward Reyes could imagine. That was the least he could do – make his lover smile even in the darkest moments. 


If you liked this ficlet please consider buying me a coffee. Any future food donations are greatly appreciated, every pound makes my tum-tum happy.

anonymous asked:

Atem? You seem like you would have some interesting/funny headcanons about him! :o

I sure hope I do! :D Throwing ancient Egypt knowledge in this as well, cause I’m a huge nerd for it.

-Gonna put this on the table first, if I’m doing an au where he stayed with Yugi, this boy wears skirts, and he looks damn good in them. He wore skirts and whatnot back in Egypt and loves having his legs exposed. His theory is ‘if you’ve got the legs, show ‘em to the world’. He also shaves because he’s not a fan of having leg hair (he shaved Yugi’s legs a few times when they still shared a body)

-His hair is real, he knows it’s usually too hot to have his natural hair on his head in Egypt, but… he can’t just cut it off! He believes it was a blessing from Ra, a sign that he had contact with the god! To hell with shaving his hair and wearing itchy wigs! He’s all natural, baby. But having natural hair doesn’t stop him from wearing a cone of sweet perfume on his head like many people in his kingdom, it’s cooling and you smell great as it melts

-If he stayed with Yugi, he sleeps in the same bed as him. He doesn’t like sleeping alone since he was left alone for centuries. He kicks in his sleep though so Yugi sometimes has to build a pillow wall

-He likes learning to do new things, even if they are basic. Sure, yes, he learned much from being inside of Yugi for two years, but when he gets his own body, he doesn’t quite know what to do. Well, he knows what to do, but his body isn’t use to the actions, he actually had trouble with putting on a duel disk, and he had trouble with just trying to type on a computer for the first time.

-When he became pharaoh, his first new year’s festival (they had something for it then) was embarrassing because he… had to perform a certain ceremony in front of his people at the Nile to make sure it was ‘fertile’ for the next growing season. This is a real thing, and it is in honor of Atum/Amun-Ra (the god he is named after) creating the first signs of life aside from himself in the waters that surrounded him, I am not even kidding, oh jeez, I am so sorry 

-He is shockingly good at video games, even better than Yugi. He doesn’t know why, nor does he even realize that he’s good at them. His favorites are sandbox games cause he can do all the side missions and yet still get the main plot done during said side missions 

-He has a huge sweet tooth, but he also really loves spicy dishes. Not a fan of seafood, but he will eat it if he has to. Not caviar though (his least favorite food in canon is caviar)

-Atemu is actually good at sports, considering that, yes they are a form of gaming. He just doesn’t like to do them, doesn’t like to get dirty or hurt.

-I mentioned that Yugi has a tattoo of Atemu’s name on his person, Atemu has Yugi’s somewhere on himself

-I like headcanoning him as trans. Oddly, he has the deep voice he had in Yugi’s body if he gets his own body (but in Egypt, he had his season zero voice, which I think still fits him either way)

-If Atemu has a cell phone, he keeps the ringer on, with the volume all the way up, Yugi doesn’t know if it’s ever been muted or put on vibrate

-He speaks his native tongue to himself, thinking no one will hear when he’s bitching and complaining, but he often forgets that Kaiba and Grandpa understand him

Dear Friend,

May 23, 2017

Part I
It’s been fourteen days since I’ve last written to you.
I’m very sorry for that. 
I’ve actually been really busy lately. 
I’m on vacation visiting my dear friend Marie. 
She’s the one that sends me letters in the mail. 
It’s been lovely staying with her. 
She’s made me feel at home: making me dinner, buying me gifts, and letting me do all the things I want to do. 
Lately we’ve been watching a lot of tv shows and movies and reading and writing. 
It’s a good feeling to be doing things you don’t usually do. 
It feels productive to me. 

I won’t tell you where I am, but I will tell you that I’m still in Texas. 
I’m a lot more north than usual so it’s very strange to be in a town that has sixty-seven degree weather at the moment. 
I’m really not used to it at all. 
I just checked the weather back home - it’s eighty-nine degrees and cloudy. 
I bet it’s really humid too. 
I wasn’t expecting it to be so cool here, so I didn’t pack any long sleeve clothing. 
It’s a wonderful feeling though, to be somewhere different and to not be in ninety degree weather for once.  
I like being a little cold.
I’d rather be shivering than sweating my ass off. 

I’ve been here for almost a week now. 
A part of me doesn’t want to go home, because for once I’m really happy.
But the other part of me knows that I can’t be here for long. 
 
I left my problems at home. 
I feel so stress free, not having to worry about them. 
Like the fact that my ex-boyfriend is going to Finland. 
Like the fact that he hasn’t paid our car; I took it away from him and now I have to get it repossessed; It’s going to ruin my credit, but it has to be done; I want to cut all ties with him.  
Like the fact that I don’t have to worry about work and seeing my case manager. 
Like the fact that I don’t have to do so many things for my parents. 
The only problems that traveled with me was my financial ones. 
I’m running out of money and this trip probably made that worse. 

I left the people who don’t care about me at home. 
Like Voldemort and other people that I thought I could call my friend. 
Like my friend Diana - She told my ex-boyfriend about Taylor after he and I went to Applebee’s with Josh and Sabrina one day. 
She was our waitress. 
She honestly had no right to do that and I don’t understand why she had to keep tabs on me for him. 
I found this out because one day, when my ex and I were fighting about the car, he had the audacity to bring up Taylor. 

He texted me,
“Hey. Be careful with your new boy. He’s been around the block. Just because we have animosity between us doesn’t mean I want you to get hurt. Don’t let your guard down. I had class with his twin. And if you think I’m doing this to mess with you, then you obviously don’t know me at all. All I’ve ever done for you is look out for you. Have a nice life.”  

This made me so upset. 
Diana had obviously told him about Taylor because she is the only person that still talks to my ex. 
It’s so sad that little does she not know that he did nothing but talk shit about her when she didn’t say goodbye to him before she left back to California. 
Now that she’s back, I thought she and I could be friends again; not after this stunt. 
My ex can have her and continue being a fake friend. 

I wanted to tell him so many things that he didn’t want to hear. 
I was so upset and hurt and in so much pain. 
Why does he have to keep up with me?
I don’t want him to keep up with me. 
It’s pathetic. 
I don’t give a shit about him anymore.
Why can’t he just not care about me just the same as I don’t.
Instead, he decides to stir the shit pot of emotions that I have locked up inside that want to come out.
I just want him to leave me alone. 
If he wants me to be happy, then he shouldn’t have left when I needed him the most, as a friend. 

I just left… Everything.
Even the people I do love and that love me back. 
Like my parents, Josh, Jenna, Angel, and Aaron.
That’s the only part of me that does want to go home. 
I want to go home to my family and my good friends. 
I miss them very much. 
They are my light. 
And I know I can go to them for anything. 
They keep me strong. 
I don’t know what I would do without them. 

Part II
This city I’m in - it reminds me of home. 
There isn’t much to do and there’s a lot of other cities next to this one.
So, if we decide to take a trip to some other town, it takes about twenty minutes. 

Like I said, there isn’t much to do, but we are making the most out of my time here. 
For example, just the other day, she and I decided to take a drive to a neighboring city to walk around the mall there. 
I bought myself a Dragonball Z statue of Teen Gohan from GameStop. 
It was an early birthday gift to myself - it’s a few weeks away. 
I also bought myself a a face serum from Sephora. 
We were at the mall for over an hour. 

When we were done window shopping, we rode to Best Buy so I could buy a new screen protector for my phone. 
I was lucky enough to find the last one there. 

Then, we went to Staples so Marie could buy some blue ink for her new pen. 
That’s also when I bought my first calligraphy pen. 
When she saw it, she said I had to buy it because I’m a “writer” now.
Am I?
So I bought it. 

Afterwards, we walked to a Barnes and Noble that was nearby. 
That’s when I bought my first journal. 
Marie said I should get it so I could write down all my thoughts. 
So, I did. 

Later, on our way back home, we stopped at a Panera Bread.
I had never been there before and Marie really wanted me to try it. 
I wanted to try something new, so I thought - why not?

She parked the car and turned to me.
“Do you want to take down your book so we can read when we’re done eating?”

“Yeah, sure. That sounds like a good idea,” I said, smiled, and continued. “Hey. I can take my journal too. Maybe I can write about what we’ve been doing today.”

“Oh my gosh. Yes. You should!”

With excitement, I grabbed my newly purchased journal and a book called The Reason by Lacey Sturm and walked into Panera Bread.
I’ve had the book for a good eight months now.
I haven’t bothered finishing it because I get so lazy.
I do hope to finish it soon. 

I walked in with Marie and was a little confused with the set-up.
They had kiosks on the side so people could order their food themselves. 

“Do you want to use these so we can look at the whole menu?” Marie asked and pointed at the high-tech looking kiosks. 

“Yeah. I know I’m probably going to take a long time deciding anyway.”
That comment ended up being very true. 
I didn’t know what I wanted to eat. 
I also didn’t want to try something too risky. 
But I also didn’t want to try something safe. 
I was so indecisive. 
There was so many options. 

After about five minutes of thoroughly navigating the menu on this ten inch screen, I figured out what I wanted to eat. 
I decided on a turkey and ham sandwich with a few vegetables and a cup of chicken noodle soup on the side. 
I also ordered a papaya green tea that turned out to be very delicious. 

Marie and I sat down by the window secluded from other people. 
In fact, we were alone for a good twenty minutes in the section we chose to sit at until some lady and her daughter decided to dine-in a few tables away.
It didn’t take long for our food to come out. 
Within ten minutes, an employee brought out our meals.
The sandwich waiting to be eaten by me looked so delicious and the soup was still steaming hot. 
I took my first bite of my panini - God, I was right. 
Delicious! 
The soup was just as good. 

Marie got a turkey bacon club on a croissant bread with a broccoli and cheese soup. 
I didn’t try her sandwich but I did try her soup. 
It was sadly better than mine. 
I knew I should’ve gotten that one instead when I was being so indecisive at the kiosk. 
Didn’t matter; I enjoyed my meal nevertheless. 

When we finished our meals, Marie started reading a book called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller and I started writing in my journal. 
I wrote about our day, which I have already mentioned to you earlier. 
Then I started to read the book that has been on chapter six for the past eight months.
I only read one chapter while I was there. 
I would’ve read more, but we had to leave if we wanted to take a walk at the park before sunset. 
So, I closed my book, took my journal with my first entry in it, and left with my best friend back to her apartment. 
I guess I should start calling it home.
For now…

Part III
I will admit that it feels a little strange to be so far away from home. 
I haven’t traveled alone (without family or a boyfriend) in about six years. 
The farthest I’ve driven alone was San Antonio when I wanted to visit my lesbian friend Renee. 

Irregardless of the fact that this city reminds me of home, it definitely doesn’t feel like it - I’m surprised I haven’t had an anxiety attack. 
As I said earlier…
I miss my parents. 
I miss my dog Zoey. 
And I miss my friends - especially Josh. 

I felt really bad that I left the day before his birthday. 
So, to make it up to him, (before I left) I bought him a cute birthday card and wrote him a note. 
I also wrote him a two page letter and sent him some money. 
I left it in my mailbox and thankfully it was delivered to him the next day. 
He was really happy and surprised to get something like that from me. 
He only read the card on his birthday. 
Josh said that he was scared to read the letter because he thought it said something bad, like that I was moving away for good and wasn’t going back. 
Thankfully, I don’t intend on that. 
I do want to go back home, eventually. 

Just yesterday, two days after his birthday, he finally read the letter. 
He thought it was really sweet and it made him smile a lot.
His girlfriend wanted to read it too, but he didn’t let her. 
She just read the card, and when she did she said to him, “Dude, I think Alex is in love with you.”
He laughed and said that we are only friends. 

I am in love with him…
But, I know I can never be with him. 
I’m just grateful to have him in my life as a wonderful friend than not at all. 
I care about him too much and I don’t know what I would do without him.
He’s always been there for me when I needed him. 
I couldn’t ask for anyone better. 
He makes me so happy, and he doesn’t even have to try.

I didn’t think the card was enough.
On my way over here, I stayed in San Antonio for a night because I didn’t want to drive straight here on the same day.
While I was there, I stopped at a few stores at North Star Mall. 
I went to this novelty shop called Think Geek. 
I found a lot of Rick and Morty stuff that I got for his birthday. 
I don’t plan on sending them to him, because I want to see his face when I give them to him. 
I also bought him an animated movie called Princess Mononoke and had it sent to his house. 
He just got it today.
He was so surprised. 

He texted me.
“Oh my god Alex! How many things did you buy me?”

I replied. 
“Why?”

“I got the movie. Thank you Alex. Oh my god.” He was obviously speechless. 

“Aww. Do you like it? Did it make you smile? It got there quick! I just ordered it on Sunday!”

“Yes. Of course! I love this movie.” 

“I got you a lot more things. But I won’t send them to you. I want to see you open them.”

“Oh my god. You’re insane.”

“You love me.”

“I do,” he confirmed.

That made my heart clench. 
He’s so cute. 
I missed him so much that I had to ask him if he could FaceTime me. 
We didn’t talk until late in the night because he was busy playing a raid on Destiny all day. 
So to kill time, I started watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I with Marie.  
In the middle of the movie he finally called me on FaceTime.
I paused the movie, walked to the blow up mattress that was behind me, and answered him. 

The phone took a while to connect us. 
After a moment of looking at a black screen, I saw his face for the first time in a few days. 
I know it seems pathetic of me to say that I missed it because I just saw him last week, but I can’t help but want to always see him. 
He was shirtless and I could see that he got a haircut. 
It looked nice and clean. 

“Hey Josh,” I said with a big smile. 

“Hey Alex,” he replied and mirrored my smile. 
His smile is so crooked and his teeth matched it just the same. 
He doesn’t like his smile, but that’s what I love the most about him.
Then it’s his eyes. 
He looks tired all the time, but somehow I’m attracted to that. 

“Your hair looks good! I like it.” 

“Oh. Thanks. The girl that was cutting my hair messed up the back. She was annoying me”

I couldn’t help but giggle.
“What? Why do you say that?”

“Because. She wouldn’t shut up. She just kept on talking and talking. She wouldn’t shut up!” He repeated. “I literally just wanted to tell her, ‘Bitch. Shut up and just cut my fucking hair.’”

I bursted out laughing!
Josh was on speaker so Marie heard what he said too. 
She was laughing just as hard as me. 
I couldn’t catch my breath. 
Then when I was just about to, I’d turn to Marie to catch her still laughing!
This, of course, made me laugh even more…

“Why are you laughing?” Josh asked.
He laughed and then continued, “If Marie is telling you things about me then you need to tell me. What did she say? Why are you laughing?” He repeated.

I took another moment to catch my breath and gather my thoughts.
“She didn’t say anything. We’re just laughing at what you said! It was so funny!”
My stomach started to hurt from all the shrieking giggles. 
It was the good kind of hurt though. 

“Alright. I guess Alex,” he said as he gave me that compelling stare of his. 

The rest of the conversation was mostly about his day and mine. 
Like what I’ve been doing lately while I’ve been away. 
I told him that I’ve been writing a lot - physical letters. 
I told him about my adventure to the neighboring city.
I told him how I’ve been feeling.  
And how Marie and I have been doing a lot of cute things together. 

He told me his girls weren’t there which was odd because it was a Monday. 
Usually, they are back by Sundays from the mom. 
He also mentioned that he got written up at work because someone decided to show up two hours late to cover his shift. 
The managers knew he wasn’t going in and this girl, the one that took over his shift, knew what time he had to work and decides to show up late.
Then he’s the one that gets written up?
I don’t see how that was fair. 

A few minutes later, the conversation started to die out.
We had nothing left to talk about.
Coincidentally, he got a phone call from his girlfriend. 
“Hey. Sabrina is calling me. I have to go.” Josh said in a rush. 

“Alright Josh. I’m glad we were able to talk tonight.”

“Me too Alex. I love you. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Love you too. Bye-bye.”

I hung up my phone with a smile. 
It wouldn’t go away. 
I almost forgot I was with Marie. 
She was quietly watching videos on Instagram on her phone. 
I got off from the air mattress and walked up to the empty chair by the bar. 
I looked at Marie, gave her a smile, and she gave me one right back. 
She didn’t say anything - she didn’t have to. 

I hovered my hand over the computer to press play as I asked her, “Are you ready?”

“Yas queen,” she said. 

We both laughed.
I pushed play and we continued to watch the magical world of Harry Potter until the night ended…

Part IV
I don’t know when I’ll be back home.
When I leave here, I plan on going to visit my friends in Austin. 
My good friend that would like to be referred to as Fisto Roboto said I could stay at his place for a few days. 
I asked him last week if I could go visit him and stay at his apartment.
He never replied, but the next day he sent me a Snap of him in a cap and gown.
It was graduation day for him.

I sent him a message on Snapchat.
“Oh my god. You look so freaking cute! Congrats! I hope you have a wonderful day.”

He replied.
“Thank you so much! I hope you have a great day too!”

I thought it was really strange that he sent me a photo on Snapchat, but not reply to my text the day before. 
Was he ignoring me?
Did he not want me visiting him?
I didn’t bother asking him again because I didn’t want to be annoying. 

To my surprise, a few days later, I noticed that my text never went through to him while I was at Panera Bread with Marie. 
That’s when I saw that my iMessage didn’t go through and my send button turned green. 

I decided to send him a message on Snapchat again.

“Hey! Is your phone not working? Or do you not have an iPhone anymore?”

“No iPhone,” he responded.

I felt a little relieved.
“Oh. No wonder. I texted you last week! I wanted to ask you something!”
 
“What is it?”

“I’m not sure if I should ask. I don’t want to be annoying.”

“Don’t be afraid to ask me something silly boy. Just say it.”

I got a little nervous as I typed out the words.
“Well. I texted you because I wanted to know what you’re doing the weekend of June 2nd.”

“Hmm. I don’t have any plans. What’s up?”

“I was hoping I could stay over for a few days if you weren’t busy. You can tell me no!”

“Haha. Yeah of course! You know you’re always welcomed here. On June 2nd, I’m free after 5:00pm. Now that I’m done with school I have a lot of free time.”

“Oh my gosh. Okay! That’s awesome! We can go to the arcade and go drink!”

“That sounds like a lot of fun.”

“Yes it does. Let me know if anything changes!”
I was already getting so excited to see him. 
Given our history, I’m expecting something to happen with him, but sadly, he has a girlfriend. 

“Alright. I will!”
The conversation ended there. 

Today, we continued that conversation.
I texted him.
“Fisto Roboto.”

“Alexxxxxxxx.”

“I just wanted to tell you that I hope you have a great day today!”
I like to send cute messages like that when I’m thinking about someone a lot.

“I hope you have a great day too!”

“Thank you!”

“Alex. When are you planning on staying?”
Oh no.
Something must have come up.
Why would he be asking me otherwise?
Ugh. 
I knew it was too good to be true. 

“June 2nd! Why?? I can go a little before or after? My schedule is really flexible.”

“June 3rd and 4th: Campfire and wedding proposal to attend.”
I knew it. 
I knew I wasn’t going to be able to stay.

“Oh! Alright. Should I go a few days before then? Maybe the 31st of May?”

“I’m saying you’re invited too, if you’d like to go. Haha.”

I dropped my jaw.
I was in utter shock. 
I couldn’t believe he was inviting me!
Why isn’t his girlfriend going? I thought. 

“Oh! Okay! That sounds so fun! I’ll go!”

He never replied after that.
I’m honestly really curious now to know if he’s still with his girlfriend or not. 
I’m anticipating so much to happen if he and I decide to go drinking and he somehow accidentally gets drunk.
I also wonder where I will sleep when I stay with him. 
I wonder if he’ll let me sleep on the same bed as him…
I don’t want to sleep on the pull out sofa-bed in his living room.
I like him a lot and think he’s so cute.
I know I won’t let the opportunity go pass by if it decides to be offered to me.
And by “it” I mean his body. 
It’s getting me excited just thinking about it. 
I want to be with him already. 
I guess I’ll have to wait and see what happens when the time comes. 

For now, I will continue to be stress-free.
For now, I will continue to have a good time with my best friend.
For now, I will continue to keep writing about my life. 
All these things are too calming for me to give them up. 
I need to take advantage of this moment, because I know when I get back home, all the problems that I left behind will still be there.
Waiting for me. 
Waiting to tear me apart again.

Love always,
Alex

anonymous asked:

Hi, as much as I love many of the rooms and designs you show I've had one burning question ever since I started following your blog: Where do they all keep their BOOKS?!? I spot the occasional bookcase, of course, and I realise that some people just don't read as much as I do, but I still find that many of the most gorgeous designs fail to answer this one big question. Can you help? Thank you so much! :-)

Many of the homes that I post are styled for sale, so you won’t see real personal items in those homes including books. Also note that I don’t always post every nook of a home (there is a photo limit of 10 here on Tumblr after all) so they could be somewhere in the home that I didn’t share. 

anonymous asked:

did you watch thats 70s show? if so do you like it?

I have seen every episode and of course! Loved it. Jumped the shark at the end there but still great.

casper-anklehair  asked:

I get what you mean! I love even and isak and I love seeing gifs and pics of them on tumblr but after episodes that focus on sana I like to see info and stuff about sana! I do however get why there are still so many posts about isak and even since they are getting quite a bit of screentime om the show in season 4 and they are incredibly cute together!!!! And weren't there a lot of noora+william posts during season 3 as well?

Hiiii

I feel like you can’t compare how people acted about Noora/Noorahelm/William in s3 was even remotely similar how people acted about Even x Isak this season. First of all most people watching skam back when s3 was airing were mostly new fans (myself included).

Also the fandom always putted Isak struggles/story in front of the converstation. Isak was the most important person in tag. People asking about Noora/Noorhelm/William never took away from Isak’s story. You didn’t go in the main tag and would only see people complaining about how little screentime noorhelm/noora was getting because it was ISAK’S season.

And frankly Evak hasn’t gotten that much screentime anyway if I’m being honest you know. The thing is how can a 5 second handhold (i know everybody was waiting for it) be more important than seeing sana actively trying to isolate herself. How is that more important than finding out about sana’s past. We don’t  get the past of our mains that easily. It was something that still haunts her and it’s kind of sad that wasn’t the main focus of that for the fandom

anonymous asked:

Just because Emily has been confirmed to be returning to the show next season that doesn't mean Felicity survives. They could do what they did with Katie and bring back Emily as earth 2 Felicity. I thought they will do that but just because Emily's been confirmed to come back doesn't mean this Felicity is still alive.

MG has confirmed that he will NEVER kill off Felicity. She’s alive. What on earth would be the point of bringing in an E2 version of Felicity? There is no love story there between E2 Felicity and Oliver. Why would you build up a love story for 4 years and flush it down the toilet for no reason?

I’m sorry, but theories like these seem to come from the old mindset of ‘drama for the sake of drama’ and the Arrow writers don’t do that. All of their dramas serve a purpose in the overall narrative. Killing Felicity and bringing an E2 replacement in serves no purpose. They did it for KC because they wanted the character to remain dead because they had no use for her in the stories they were telling. BS is a second shot at a character that wasn’t working. Felicity is a character that is known to work - why would you get rid of something that works? 

Felicity’s s/l is most likely going to be centered around Smoak Technology which they’ve said they’ve been trying to work into a season for years now, and next season is it. How does a s/l they’ve been trying to fit in for Felicity for years work if they kill off Felicity and replace her with a doppelganger? That is not what the narrative has been building towards for all of these years. At all. It’s like people trying to convince me that they were turning back to GA/BC or GA/BS earlier this year. No, they weren’t. It was obvious. It wasn’t supported in the narrative. Same with Felicity dying and being replaced. It’s not supported in the narrative. 

If you’re going to worry about them killing off and replacing Felicity’s character, you might as well worry about them doing the same thing with Oliver’s, because they are both as likely as each other. :)

anonymous asked:

Do you have any fandoms you particularly like? Either from movies, books or tv shows?

Honestly I do like marvel but I’m really eager for black panther. I think I might be more into it after that comes out. And I still love Percy Jackson. Basically if it’s got someone in it that looks like me? It’s on.

5

“DON’T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE YOU…”

Sora (or Sky)

I told myself I wasn’t going to do this because it felt like something that was forbidden territory, and I didn’t think it would work, but surprisingly his design came naturally to me. (Especially the hair). After receiving an influx of messages asking me to do my take on Sora (AND I MEAN A LOT OF MESSAGES) I figured I’d at least try it. So here he is. I based this outfit of the “World Of Final Fantasy” and “KH 3D” outfit. I wanted to show that you can put POC (Especially black people) in these kinds of stories and still get the same effect. It’s really not as hard as people think and it can be done without making them stereotypes or tropes. The “Key” is to have a love and appreciation for the core of who the character is. The essence of who they are.

In this drawing, Sora reminds me of my little brother, Julius. Its probably because of how warm his personality is and how much he doesn’t hold grudges and has a genuine love for people. Like Sora, He’s playful, but he’s got a lot of wisdom for his age. There’s an innocence to him, that I feel is prevalent here. I guess I subconsciously ended up drawing that here. Now that I think about it, He’s 13 going on 14 years old now, which is the age of Sora in the 1st KH. So maybe that’s why…. He’s also is a big KH fan himself. (That’s my fault) I guess, I’m doing this for him too.

And Yes, you can cosplay as this and yes I’m doing Riku and Kairi and a few others later. Don’t worry. Mkay. I’m rambling. Back to work!

The Get Down was such an important show to me because it portrayed that even if you are brown and come up from nothing​ you an still be something. Dizzee’s bi rep was important to me as a fellow bisexual because it just shows that, yes we do exist. The relationship between Mylene, Regina, and Yolanda showed that women build women. Strong female relationships are so scarce in this age of t.v and film. The Get Down also had the most fire soundtracks I’ve ever heard. I love TGD with all my heart and even though it’s not likely it will come back I really love the community it has built and what it has taught me.

Official Graveyard Shift Lyrics

Rats
Well Mrs. Pharmacist / I insist / fix me up with something quick
I’ve been a bad little boy and I think i’m getting sick
Sick to the bone / slave to the flesh
Better put on my Sunday’s best      
I’ve been bad little boy… little boy

I’ve got a dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty little secret
And I’m not not not sure that I wanna keep it
So we feed ourselves lies to submit to the shadows
Cause we just wanna dance under our pretty perfect halos

Everyone’s got a secret
Whats yours? whats yours?
Don’t be shy, i’ll never repeat it  

Oh Mrs. Pharmacist / if I resist / lock me up and bind my wrists
You’ve been a bad little girl…. little girl.    
Close your eyes and listen close
I know just how much you love it
If you speak you lose your turn
So shut your mouth before I fuck it

Everyone’s got a secret
Tell me all about yours

Love. Hate.
Oh how we play the game
Cold soul
No sense of self control
Love. Hate.
Unsure to pass or play
Cold soul / now  we’re out of control

Roses are red, and my heart is black
We creep about the floor to indulge like Rats
Enraptured, we walk to nurse our obsession
Cause the roles that we play are paved with cruel intentions

Well  Mrs. Pharmacist… If you insist

I’ve got a dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty little secret
And I’m not not not sure that I wanna keep it
So we feed ourselves lies to submit to the shadows
And I just wanna shake you by your little perfect fucking halo

Everyone’s got a secret
Whats yours? whats yours?
Don’t be shy, i’ll never repeat it.


Queen For Queen
If you wanna soar with vultures, you’ll have to swallow bone
The saint charade is over / plastic royalty exposed
You wanna play the victim, to preach upon your throne                                  
No semblance of virtue as your relevance erodes

We go queen for queen  and move just like this

When you fall down
Will you back out
As you crawl through life with no crown?
Though you preach love, you package lies
Just a pawn in a kings disguise

I never said I’m perfect, there’s a guilt behind these eyes
So check me If it helps you fall asleep at night

Your skeletons are building / your closet’s getting tight
Are you the prey or spider in the web of all your lies?

When you fall down
Will you back out
As you crawl through life with no crown?
Though you preach love, you package lies
Just a pawn in a kings disguise

Don’t stop breathing in the chemicals
You don’t know humble… though you play the role
Pockets of evergreen are your amphetamine
Please stop feeding what you can’t control

YOU’LL FALL.
You’ll bend, you’ll break, (you’ll) trip over your “fame”
Be careful, or you’ll run your mouth off your face


Necessary Evil (Feat. Jonathan Davis)
Strip off the weight of morality, and check it at the door
I’ll show you the worst in me
…what i’ve become
 
Blow out the candles I need not a wish
For I am everything
Now crawl to my boots and lick
Kneel before me

Imma have my cake and fucking eat you too.

It’s my party and i’ll die when I want to, die when I want to, die when I want to
The monster you’ve made is wearing the crown
I’ll be the king and you be clown
I’ll take the blame (and) parade it around.
You’ve made me the villain you can’t live without.

Reciting violence like poetry
No you can’t sit with us
Too fashionably plain  
Now say my name
Forget everything you think you knew of who I used to be
I look much better as… as the enemy

Imma have my fucking cake and eat yours too.

I want you low
I won’t let you die
(I’ll) keep you alive
Just to remind you of what you are not

It’s my party and i’ll die when I want to
you wanna see me fail, but I won’t die for you.


Soft
You’re mine motherfucker

Let me begin with envy’s a sin
You’ll have to find new words to invent
Cause I’ve heard your broken record, and i’m not impressed

I love when you talk, I just use it to drive me
I won’t let your judgement define me
I’m not broken, so don’t fix me
I want you to hate me

Tell me what you’ve lost
Hang me on your cross
If you’re so wise, then why are you so Soft?
Do you leave your “throne” as you cast your stones?              
I’m above living under your microscope

I’m insane, I’m “insane in the membrane”
I wanna fuck your face with a switchblade
I’m not broken, so don’t fix me
I’ll leave you behind me

Internet killed the video star

Cry baby cry baby, did I just hear you whimper?
Cry baby cry…
Suck my middle fucking finger

Cry baby / Cry baby
What have you done lately?
Cry baby / Cry baby  
What have you done?

Tell me what you’ve lost.
Demonize my flaws
Do they call you when dumb needs a mascot?
Do you leave your “throne” as you cast your stones?              
I’m above living under your microscope

You dilate / god of your existence
Begging me to listen while you “pray”
Swallow in vain / sliver spoon religion
Closer from a distance

You’re mine motherfucker


Untouchable
They try to bend / they try to break me by design
But I am the nightmare that will haunt you in the light

If it’s war that you want… then I’m ready to play
And the world’s gonna know my name

Through everywhere that I go
Every failure I’ve owned
Every crack in my bones
I’m Untouchable
Like a sleeping grenade
Built to blow you away
Pull the pin… I explode
I’m Untouchable.

Born of the ground I dug myself out from the dirt
With every scar I will avow to shake the earth

Unless it’s blood that you want.. then get the fuck out my way
Cause the world’s gonna scream my name

I will never be silenced
I will eclipse the pain

You can’t let it go      
(It’s) the price that we pay
But I own the grave from which I came
You reap what you sow
We don’t bleed the same  
Cause I own the rights to my own fate
And i’ll sleep a king on my deathbed

Through everywhere that I go
Every failure i’ve owned
Every crack in my bones
I’m Untouchable
Like a sleeping grenade
Built to blow you away
Pull the pin… I Explode
I’m Untouchable.

Every mile from home
Every failure I’ve owned
Every crack in my bones
I’m Untouchable
Like a sleeping grenade
Built to blow you away
Pull the pin… I Explode
I’m Untouchable.


Not My Type: Dead As Fuck 2
She’s got no soul / heart black as coal
She’s from Hollywood Forever / dug her out of a hole
And here we go again / spinnin me in her web
She said “there’s just no rest for the queen of the dead”

Another trick to treat with candy apple dreams
Gonna rot her teeth cause i’m so sweet
One lick to rule them all
They crumble as they crawl

She loves me cause I like to give head like a zombie
(I) eat eat eat till her insides are on me
She loves me cause I give head like a zombie
(I) eat eat eat and nobody’s gonna stop me
And in the glow of the pale moonlight
She goes for a spin on my haunted hayride
Tried out the living but I don’t believe the hype  
Cause if she’s got a pulse, then she’s not my type.

She’s got a temper in stock / made of hemlock
Uses absinthe as a lip gloss
Death hawk / fresh New Rock’s                              
She’ll use your corpse as a catwalk

She’ll use your corpse as a catwalk
Plays truth or dare in the mirror
Uses absinthe as a lip gloss
Undead, but won’t shed a tear

She’s my graveyard baby
She’s my……

She loves me cause I like to give head like a zombie
(I) eat eat eat till her insides are on me
She loves me cause I give head like a zombie
(I) eat eat eat and nobody’s gonna stop me
And in the glow of the pale moonlight
She goes for a spin on my haunted hayride
Tried out the living but I don’t believe the hype  
Cause if she’s got a pulse, then she’s not my type.

D- E - A - D  
If she’s got a pulse, then she’s not my type.


The Ladder
Tragedy / a poisonous lover
You infiltrate to destroy
Vanity / a cancer unforgiving
A charlatan with poise  

Fool me once / enough is enough
Was I more than a step on your way up?
Hollowed out /  I’ve no semblance of love
Now you’re just somebody that I used to fuck.

Lest we learn / the tables turn / so i’m betting out / I’m betting out.
You can be the prey in your masquerade, but i’m getting out / i’m getting out
There’s nothing left to repair

Ravenous / self righteous and lurid
But how much more till you break?
Scavenger / so fucking undeserving
You slither in just to take what you can take

Counterfeit / I’m calling your bluff
Was I more than just a step on your way up?
Now you’ll burn and you’re flesh out of luck
Now you’re just somebody that I used to fuck

Lest we learn / the tables turn / so i’m betting out / I’m betting out.
You can be the prey in your masquerade, but i’m getting out / i’m getting out
Against insight I fed your source of revenue
But now, it means nothing to me to mean anything to you

Open grave /  I was too blind to see
That “love”, spelled to you, is “F A M E”

You fuck your way up the ladder
Going down on your way to the top
Do your arms ever tire?
Or do they heal while you climb with your mouth?  

Delete Everything
Sever the yearning / you can keep the fucking ring
Delete Everything
You can keep the fucking ring

Nothing left to repair.


Voices
Voices in my head again
Trapped in a war inside my own skin
They’re pulling me under.

I’ve swallowed myself but the fever remains
I’m numb to the pleasure but still feel the pain      
If I showed you my soul, would you cover your eyes?
If I told you the truth, would you dare me to lie?  

I keep it all inside because I know that man is every thing but kind

Voices in my head again
Beating me in a war I can’t win  
I can hear them now
Trapped in a game inside my own skin
And I don’t know myself anymore
They’re pulling me under
Voices

As I walk through this valley of shadows and death
I curse not the “wicked”, I praise not the “blessed”
If I told you the truth, you’d beg me to change
If fear were a currency, you’d own the bank

I don’t want to live so calloused and frozen / ugly and hopeless
I don’t want to live forever, I just want to live right now
You can’t take me from me

I keep it all inside because I know that man is everything but kind


LOUD (Fuck It)
You gotta be loud / You gotta be rude / so the world can hear you
You gotta be crass / You gotta be cold / it’s everything we know
Turn it up turn it up now

Another day, a double shot of hate
Drink it up like gasoline
Underpaid, you graduate, to build somebody else’s dream

With a noose as a tie… do you fantasize of a much different life?  
The fix for who they want you to be / directly streamed to your TV

And when they turn their backs on you…

You gotta be loud / You gotta be rude / so the world can hear you
You gotta be crass / You gotta be cold / it’s everything we know
Turn it up turn it up now
Loud / Rude / When nobody hears you
You gotta stand up / You gotta commit
Say “Fuck It”, make the best of it

A broken home you’re trying to mend
You’ve got one day left to pay the rent
We’re not sure, but we believe in the lie… that it’ll all be fine, when we die

It’s so easy to grant the mirror power to control what you want to erase                      
Don’t become another victim / “Put a smile on that face”

You gotta be loud / You gotta be rude / so the world can hear you
You gotta be crass / You gotta be cold / it’s everything we know
Turn it up turn it up now
Loud / Rude / When nobody hears you
You gotta stand up / You gotta commit
Say “Fuck It”, make the best of it

The money’s in the treatment, baby, not in the cure
So they fuel your pain with fear and shame and then hand you a brochure
The money’s in the treatment, baby, not in the cure
So they build you up to watch you fall and then beg for an encore

What are you waiting for?


570
Burn it down / brick by brick / Made in 2006
Lost and found / losing grip /  I needed this
Question me not, for I gave up everything
Forget me not, cause I’ve not forgotten what this means

Strip me down, tear me apart, you’ll find one theme left
No sign of stopping till my veins rust
Strip me down, tear me apart, you’ll find one thing left
I fucking know where I came from

..And nothing can replace those lessons learned
as I stood with my brothers on the side of the road
No longer haunted by the skeletons
No longer haunted by the past

For so long, it’s all i’ve known
I’m crossing over the undertow
For so long, no one was listening
Determined to make their deaf ears ring

Miles repeat / my worst enemy… is me.
But then four soon became six… to shatter the canvas
Handed nothing / loss pulling the strings
Outlived the dead trends / united by distance

I’ve been to hell and back, with no promise of return
So I made friends with fire, to keep from getting burned
No money, no sleep. dedication
10 years on the road this is sacred
And when i’m facing a wall, I do not quit
…Cause if you mean it, you will make it.

Pulled apart in a world so demanding
I’m still here, still standing
I’ve sweat blood from Stockholm to Scranton
Still here, still standing.

You can always rinse the surface, but the stain will remain

For so long, it’s all i’ve known
I’m crossing over the undertow
For so long no one was listening
I did my time

You live / you learn / you defy the terms, but this house will be my home
Beguiled / betrayed / it’s the price we pay, as trust will be our tomb

If you mean it, you’ll make it.


Hourglass
I’ve watched the whole world drowning in chemicals
Dissociative / but it takes it’s toll
Can I surpass time, or would I start to rust?
Depreciating / collecting dust

And I fear myself as I fall away  
In a cold deluded sense of fate
When the nightmares come, and the doubt sets in
Will the fever break, or will I burn from within?  

It’s too late to feel, I’ve lost my breath
With the hands of time around my neck
Am I more than the pen that wrote the past?
Or am I just the sand enslaved by the Hourglass?

Will I live again, or will I fade to black?    
Dehumanizing / when the heart attacks      
Will I expire before my dreams unfold?
But if the futures so bright, the path should glow

As the walls melt
and the light fades
I’m letting quicksand take me

If you look beyond the blindfold
You’ll find the hole in my soul
One fear, one mind, no hope, no time
If you look beyond the blindfold
You’ll find the hole in my soul

I’m on the edge of my seat
Holding out for a sign
Trying to rewrite the storyline

It’s too late to feel, I’ve lost my breath
With the hands of time around my neck
Am I more than the pen that wrote the past
Or am I just the sand encased in the Hourglass?

Fear is not my fate


Eternally Yours
Blow the bridge to the past / wipe the fingerprints
Melt your heart encased in wax / steal it with a kiss
Our fate engraved / scar enslaved / as we mutually destruct
Repose, my love, i’ve sinned enough for the both of us

In the name of love…..

I’m ready to bury all of my bones
I’m ready to lie but say I won’t
So tell me your secrets / and join me in pieces
To rot in this garden made of stones
Eternally yours

I feed like you taught me and selflessly swallow
We coalesce in darkness, so selfishly hollow
Examine the wreckage / writhing in tempo
Invisible anguish casting a shadow  

and in the name of love…

I’m ready to bury all of my bones
I’m ready to lie but say I won’t
So tell me your secrets / and join me in pieces
To rot in this garden made of stones
Eternally yours

As we rest in pieces, though I know not your name
I would suffer forever to absolve all your pain

And in the name of love

I’m ready to bury all of my bones
I’m ready to lie but say I won’t
So tell me your secrets / and join me in pieces
To rot in this garden made of stones
Eternally yours

I’m ready to bleed to make amends
And sleep in this dirt we call our bed
So tell me your secrets / and join me in pieces
To fall and rewrite the bitter end
Eternally yours

I’m more than willing to rot in hell with you.