i still cannot decide whether or like it or not

anonymous asked:

Why Narumayo is your ultimate ship?

Oh anon… this is kind of hard to answer because I just sort of fell into it and now I honestly can’t really seriously see either of them with anyone else. Like I have other ships that I like, but when it comes right down to it, if I got to choose one ship from AA to make canon it’d be Narumayo.

At the beginning, I didn’t think much of it. Maya was still really young, and they met under pretty much the worst circumstance. But that terrible circumstance was what brought them so close together and ended up in a very long lasting friendship. They’ve been through so much together, they need each other. 

Like I don’t care what your ultimate Ace Attorney OTP is, you cannot deny the fact that Phoenix and Maya love each other. It’s just up to you to decide whether you want to see it as platonic or romantic or maybe one leading into the other eventually. 

Okay, originally this was a super long post but, everything I want to say is said way better in a post by the old mod of the Ask Ace Attorney blog:


PLEASE READ IT if you want to know why I ship them so hard. It’s long but worth it.

And since this post is older and we also have DD and SOJ now, let me just add that even though Maya wasn’t in Dual Destinies, the letter Phoenix receives from her cheers him up significantly at a time in the case where he’s feeling hopeless. It’s enough to get him motivated again, just a silly letter from Maya.

In Spirit of Justice, he is yet again blackmailed into defending some asshole he thinks is holding Maya hostage, and he begs Apollo not to accuse his client of murder because he’s scared of what will happen if he loses. And we also get gems like this:

Phoenix is never really violent or even tough but if you remember way back to his freaking college days when he was shoving people down for talking bad about his girlfriend, or when he slapped Lotta in JFA for insulting Maya, I wouldn’t doubt that he means what he says. Don’t tell me Phoenix wouldn’t go on some rampage of revenge if Maya was actually killed or even just injured bad enough. He’d probably break.

Ah there is so much more I want to say but just read the AAA blog post PLEASE.  

Imma just air my KS dirty laundry now so people know what they’re getting into with me

  • I don’t ship SangBum. I just cannot. HOWEVER, I honestly couldn’t give two shits if you did, so you do you boo boo.
  • I lowkey love like all the characters to some degree. Unless they’re just cunts to Bum for no reason. Then they can catch these hands.
  • I gotta love hate relationship with Sangwoo but he’s still a really interesting character to me.
  • I want Choker Boy to be given a name at least.
  • Please
  • I’m both lowkey frustrated Sangwoo didn’t get caught but also pleased because plot.
  • The artwork in KS is so pretty??

  • That’s all I had I guess lmao

“Hey, Mags?”

Maggie looked up from where she was laying on Alex’s bed, her nose having been buried in an astronomy book for the last half hour, and focused her blurry gaze on her friend, who had been just moments ago entirely focused on her biology homework but was now staring at Maggie with something like trepidation in her eyes. (Ten points for SAT word, Sawyer, her brain supplied).

“What’s up?” Maggie asked, pushing herself up into a sitting position. Her spine cracked slightly at the change in position and she grunted. “I’m getting old,” she murmured.

Alex snorted. “You’re only sixteen,” she pointed out.

“And a half,” Maggie rebutted. “Seriously though, what’s up?”

Alex looked down at her lap for half a second before turning her gaze back to Maggie’s. “You like girls, right?”

Maggie furrowed her brow. “Yes…” she said. “That’s what the word ‘lesbian’ means, Alex. We’ve been over this, like, multiple times. You said you were cool with it.” Maggie had come out less than a year ago and Alex had never really seemed to mind the fact that she liked girls. In fact, Alex was like 90% of her support system. Her parents were the other 10% but they hadn’t really warmed up to the idea yet. Her father still believed she’d bring home a boy one day and tell them it was just a fluke and that she’d been straight all along.

Like that would happen.

“I am cool with it!” Alex insisted. “I’m totally cool with it. One hundred percent. Totally cool. Like ice cold.”

Maggie snorted. “Yeah, you’re the Ice Cube of allies,” she teased. “So what’s up, cool cat? Why did you wanna confirm my attraction to girls? You’re not trying to set me up again, are you?”

“What? No!” Alex huffed. “Besides, you’re way too picky.”

“The last girl you set me up with asked for a lock of my hair on the first date, Alex. You should probably raise you’re standards if you think I was in the wrong to break it off.”

“Whatever,” Alex huffed, waving it off. “Not the point.”

“Then please get to it, already; I have a test tomorrow.”

“You could’ve just taken biology with me. Less tests.”


“Right. So you’ve, erm, kissed girls before, haven’t you?”

“Uh, yeah,” Maggie replied. “I have. You know I have. You’ve seen it.” Alex had been pretty much the third wheel when Maggie invited her now-ex, Ramona, to their movie night. She’d had to watch the two girls make out halfway through Star Wars. She’d made faces at them until they stopped.

“Right,” Alex said, her cheeks heating up at the memory. “So you, um, know how to do it right?”

“I guess so? I’ve never had any complaints.” Maggie grinned, cockily. She’d kissed six girls, total, since coming out. And it was always great. For them, anyway. There’s been one or two she would not want another experience with. “Why?”

“Well…you’re kind of like a boy then, right?”

Maggie just stared at Alex for a long time, unblinking. Then she narrowed her eyes. “Okay,” she said, “this can go one of two ways. 1. I walk out of here right now and we never speak of this again. Or 2. I punch you in the face for comparing me to a boy just because I like to kiss girls. Your pick.”

“Mags, that’s not what I…” Alex sighed. “I just meant that I, uh, kissed Jordan yesterday.”

“Um, okay? So?”

“So I…I think he’s doing it wrong?”

“Doing it wrong? How do you do that wrong?”

Alex shrugged. “I have no idea. He’s the only boy I’ve ever kiss and I’m pretty sure I’m the only girl he’s ever even been near, so…” She shook her head. “It just feels…wrong. And sloppy. Like he doesn’t really know where to put his lips, you know.”

“Okay, so what does that have to do with me?” Maggie asked.

“Well,” Alex said, looking back down at her lap, “I was kinda hoping you’d, um…showmehowtodoitright!”

“Huh?” Maggie asked, tilting her head.

Alex swallowed thickly. “Show me how to kiss right,” she said far more slowly, not meeting Maggie’s eyes. “This way, I know how it’s supposed to be done. For the next time. Not with Jordan, though.” She made a face and Maggie snorted.

“You sure you wanna kiss me?” she asked. “I mean, you might accidentally fall in love with me if you do.”

Alex scoffed. “So humble.”

Maggie snickered. “But, seriously,” she said. “Are you sure?”

Alex nodded, resolutely. “I need to know that it’s not just me,” she said. “Besides, you’re my best friend. Who better to teach me?”

“I guess…” Maggie said. “As long as you’re sure about this.”

“I am,” Alex insisted, rolling her chair closer. “Now go ahead; lay one on me!” She close her eyes and leaned forward, missing the way Maggie rolled hers and took a small breath before leaning in as well.

She hesitated for only a second before planting her lips on Alex’s, letting out an involuntary sigh as they touched. She pulled back a second later. “Your lips are really soft,” Maggie commented. “What kind of chapstick–”

“Can we talk about that later, please?” Alex sighed.

“Right.” Maggie dove back in, pressing her lips against Alex’s again and reaching out to grasp at her waist as she felt her start to roll away on the chair. Their lips moved hesitantly against one another’s, feeling each other out for a while, before Alex became a little bolder, her tongue poking out to swipe along Maggie’s lower lip. Maggie inhaled sharply.

“Sorry,” Alex said, pulling back. “Was that okay?”

“More than okay,” Maggie chuckled. “You’re a quick learner.”

Alex snorted. “I have a pretty good teacher,” she said as she leaned in again. This time, her lips were slightly parted when they touched Maggie’s and her hands reached tentatively for Maggie’s dimpled cheeks, stroking them with her thumbs as her other fingers tangled in the tendrils of Maggie’s hair.

It felt…nice.

When there was a knock at the door, Alex practically shoved Maggie off the bed as she flew back to her desk. The door opened a second later and Alex’s younger sister, Kara, popped her head in.

“Dinner’s ready,” she said, barely registering the flustered looks on the girls’ faces. “Eliza wants to know if you’re staying for dinner, Maggie.”

“Um, not tonight,” Maggie replied, praying that her face wasn’t as beet red as it felt. “Maybe another time. I should get home actually.” She tucked her Astronomy book back into her book bag and slipped her feet into her sneakers, before walking to the bed and giving Alex a goodbye hug as the other girl stood as well. “See you, tomorrow, Alex,” she said, as casually as possible.

“Yeah,” Alex replied. “See ya, Mags. Thanks for your help.”

Maggie gave her a dimpled grin. “Anytime, Danvers.” She patted Kara on the head as she made her way out. “Little Danvers.”

“I’m taller than both of you!” Kara sniffed, crossing her arms over her chest as she glared after Maggie. Alex laughed as she stood and wrapped her arms around Kara.

“Aww, my big little sister!” she cooed, teasingly.

“Alex!” Kara groaned. “I could throw you out a window, you know.”

“But you won’t,” Alex replied, confidently. “Because you loooooove me.”

“Rao knows why,” Kara huffed, but didn’t resist as her sister led her out of the room and downstairs.

A couple days later, Alex and Maggie were once again doing homework together.

Then Alex sighed.

“What’s wrong?” Maggie asked.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Alex replied, not looking up from her history book. Maggie glanced up at her from her copy of Lord of the Flies, narrowing her eyes on the back of Alex’s head. She stared for a long moment until Alex finally turned around in her chair. “Fine,” she huffed and Maggie smirked, tossing the book to the side and sitting up on the bed. “I kissed Max.”

“Maxwell Lord?” Maggie wrinkled her nose. “Ew, why?”

“He’s supposed to be a good kisser!” Alex exclaimed. “That’s what Farrah said, anyway. And Colbie. And Jessica. And–”

“I get it,” Maggie said. “He’s kissed a lot of girls. Let’s move on. Did you like it? Was he better than Jordan?”

“Objectively…yes,” Alex admitted. “But it still felt like there was something missing.”

“Like what?” Maggie asked.

“Im not sure,” Alex sighed. “It just didn’t feel…right. Like with Jordan. There’s just something here I’m missing and I have no idea what it is.” She sighed, slumping in her chair. “It’s annoying as hell, though.”

They were silent for a long moment.

“Hey, Alex?”


“How does it feel…when I kiss you?”

Alex stared at her for a long time as a flush crept up her neck and colored her cheeks. “Um,” she said, swallowing thickly. “It…it felt…good?”

“Gee, I’m flattered,” Maggie teased, gently. “Did it feel better than kissing Jordan or Max?” She waited patiently for Alex to respond.

Eventually, the other girl nodded. “Yeah,” she said. “M-much better, actually.”

“Aww, now I’m really flattered,” Maggie teased again, laughing as Alex rolled her eyes. “But, really, what do you suppose that means?”

“That I…don’t like kissing Jordan and Max?”

“And?” Maggie’s voice was soft and her eyes were comforting as they held Alex’s gaze.

“I kinda like kissing you?” Alex said after a long wait.

“Kinda?” Maggie snorted.

“Hey!” Alex argued. “You like kissing me, too.”

Maggie shrugged. “You got me there,” she said, smiling wide so that her dimples appeared deep in her cheeks. “I do like kissing you. But I’m gay, so…”

“Are you saying…that I’m gay?” Alex asked. She swallowed thickly, her breathing becoming shallow.

“I’m not saying anything,” Maggie replied, still ever so gentle. “That’s all up to you. Maybe you just like kissing me and I happen to be a girl. Maybe, if you kissed another girl, you’d like it, too. But I don’t have the right to label you anything. Or make your decisions for you. Only you have that kind of power.”

“So can I decide not to like girls?” Alex asked.

Maggie sighed. “If only it were that simple,” she said. “No. You cannot decide whether or not you like girls. You can, however, decide whether to act on those feelings. But take it from somebody who knows; suppressing those feelings takes a lot out of you.”

Alex nodded slowly, looking down at her lap, deep in thought. She stayed like that for a long moment as Maggie watched the gears spin in her head. Alex had always been so smart; a problem solver. If given enough time, Maggie was certain she could solve equations even Einstein hadn’t been able to crack. This was just one of those times.

After a while, Alex nodded, then looked back up at Maggie as she stood up and strode across the room, plopping right down next to her on the bed. “What if I said the only girl I wanted to kiss was you?” she asked. “Would you be okay with that?”

Maggie’s eyes widened momentarily, before they crinkled as a wide grin spread over her lips. “Well,” she said, “I think I could learn to live with that. I mean, if you’re sure…” She searched Alex’s eyes as her heart pounded in her chest.

Alex rolled her eyes. “Shut up and kiss me, Sawyer,” she huffed, tugging on the color of Maggie’s shirt and bringing their lips together.

Maggie was only too happy to oblige.

Signs as (Violent) Villains

Aries - “Here is a knife, cut out your heart and hand it to me, please. Also go clean the knife after, I still have the rest of your family to cut open :).”

Taurus - “ I WILL get what I need from you, and I WILL kill you if I have to, so why don’t we try to work this out before I pierce out all of your limbs, k?”

Gemini - “ Just to let your know, I already murdered your reinforcements, and cut off your connection with anyone you know. Looks like its time for surgery and get what I need from you.”

Cancer - “I am still deciding whether I want to keep your brain or your heart, maybe I will just keep both… oh my, I feel so bad for you, but then again, my needs are my needs and I cannot let you live.”

Leo - “Oh this carpet? I got it from the skins of all the bodies I have skinned so far, too bad it isn’t finished, looks like i will have to add yours you peasant, I will smother it don’t worry.”

Virgo - “I am sorry but I am going to have to kill you now, don’t worry, I left extra towels and a glass of water for you if you make it through my severing your head and legs, just leaving your arms so you can wipe yourself off before I go mummify you and throw you in a ditch. Sorry.”

Libra - “ I have caused pain to others, looks like you will be in it too. Does sticking spiders down your throat sound good? Don’t worry, I will be the lawyer at your murder court. Who could have possibly murdered you?”

Scorpio - “Looks like your bleeding a LOT. Maybe I cut your nerves too soon, dammit! Your hair looks lovely, I must cut it…”

Sagittarius - “After I have sucked the life out of you, hopefully I can experiment on your body to find out if the body can withstand acid if the body has been covered over with hot wax… thanks by the way for being my test subject!”

Capricorn - “Oh your bleeding alright, looks like its spewing on to my table! Can you PLEASE go die somewhere else you peasant?! Why did you have to be like that? I wouldn’t have to kill you! Now I am the bad guy! You little idiot, I think I am going to murder you now…”

Aquarius - “ Ok, now that we have stripped you of your vocal cords so you can’t scream, we should take out your teeth and nails to maximize pain and ensure you a painful death, too bad you had to be the good guy, we could have done this together to someone.”

Pisces - “OMG LOOK AT ALL OF THIS BLOOD WHAT AM I GONNA DO, all this blood looks like its right out of the movies and it just splatter all over the walls like DFMRJERFRGINTGNERRFKMWEF and then the good guys walk in they are like “oh my god, RIP” too bad I killed you, I am the bad guy after all and oh crap… your dead, I guess I talked a bit too much…


rate yourself and rake yourself, take all the courage you have left

I have to go to bed, because I’m looking after the kids by myself this weekend (hubby is going away.) And it’s already after midnight here- fun fun.

I really want to post my fan theory but I need to polish it- remove the fat, make it understandable.

So I’m going to try post it/some of it on Sunday night.

(Reliant on how much “spare time” I get to write.)

I’m still deciding whether to include my “proof” or not, it might make it a very. Long. Read.

And possibly sound like an academic essay… perhaps I could throw in a “we all know” for @abookandacoffee .

Thank you @sparkleywonderful and @paperbacktrash for sharing your theories with me. I cannot wait to share what I have.

If you want to be tagged when I post my theory, let me know. :) it will be a fan theory about the acotar series and Easter eggs in the books.

Also - I could be completely wrong, it is just a theory. 😂


I actually cannot believe that ship hate is still a problem on tumblr for the Pretty Little Liars community. I thought we were all more mature than this? But if we truly was, I wouldn’t feel the need to make this post. Because I just want to make a few key points. 

#1: Actions = Consequences

Now, whether you like it or not - ALL COUPLES WILL HAVE SHIPPERS! And I honestly don’t understand why people are finding that such a hard concept to grasp onto. And when you decide to unleash your hate onto a ship that you don’t like, it is guaranteed that one of their shippers will see it and get hurt. How would that make you feel? To know that you’ve hurt somebody completely innocent by crapping all over something they’ve made a connection with? And how would that make you feel if it happened to you too? It’s not nice, is it? Just think about that when you want to post an angry rant about one of the couples. 

#2: ‘If I go down, you’re all going down with me’

That seems to be a method of ship hate that I see quite a lot, and this point is sort of connected to the last. If you are not happy with the way that your ship is being treated by the writers/producers, you do not have to bring down those around you who’s ships may actually be okay for once. All of the couples have had their ups and downs (some more than others) and one of the main couples has never been at official dating status (but the passion of emison fans is fucking brilliant, I love it. You guys fought to make your voices heard and it’s working. It may not have worked that much with 6b but I have a feeling something special is coming your way in s7 ☺️) - but you cannot justify your hate towards another ship with the fact that they may be getting more screen time than yours. 

I’ll use Ezria as my example here. Over the past 6 years, ezria has received a lot of screen time. But that’s not down to Marlene favouring them or anything - because she doesn’t. Ian Harding is registered as a Main Actor on the show. Ezra is one of the main characters. If it weren’t for ezria, one of the main actors would have pretty much NOTHING to do on the show. He’d just be the teacher that knows the business with A and owns a coffee shop. That’s it - how boring is that? Think about how much Ezra has done over the past 6 years that had nothing to do with Aria or his relationship with her? Exactly. That’s not a reason to crap on ezria or their shippers. 

#3: Equality for all

I need to make this clear that my example is not my personal opinion, it is genuinely just an example. 

But say I made a post saying:

‘Ezria, Emison and Spoby is endgame, haleb can blah blah blah’ 

That would be COMPLETELY UNFAIR of me. All of the couples has equal rights to be endgame. It’s as simple as that. If you excluded one couple and all of their shippers from the possibility of a happy ending, that would not go down well at all - in fact, it would do the opposite. It would hurt the feelings of a massive group of people saying that they don’t deserve to see their favourite characters be happy in the end of the show. 

#4: Think of the cast

Now just take a moment to remember how the cast of PLL feel about the couples.

  • Ashley and Tyler are complete 100000% Haleb support
  • Lucy and Ian are complete trash for Ezria (lucy especially)
  • Sasha and Shay are Emison obsessed
  • Troian loves Spoby. 
  • Keegan = Spooby. 

Now just know that all of these cast members I listed above are all POSITIVE INFLUENCES to the fandom. I am certain that they would want their fans to do the same which would mean not hating on other ships. Some of the cast may not be happy about some events that have happened spaleb but they still tried to encourage positivity to their fans. I think we need to follow their example.

We all know for a fact that Troian has a tumblr herself. Now imagine if she saw one of her die-hard fans shitting all over a group of innocent fans that were simply minding their own business? I doubt she’d be happy about that. 

Final note:

Look, guys and gals, we only have until June 2017 left of this series. Why would you want to spend the remainder of this time hating on a ship that you can literally just ignore? It’s as easy as that. 

If you have to give an overall opinion on a ship, you don’t have to be rude about it. Say some thing like ‘I’m not the biggest shipper of (____)’ or something along those lines. 

At the end of the day, it is just a show. These are just fictional characters. It proves that these actors are doing a wonderful job to make them all seem realistic, but like I said before it is a fictional show. Now is it worth bullying someone over? Causing them to get upset emotionally, mentally or even physically? It’s really not. 

You really don’t have any right to bully somebody over their choice of ship. Because if you’re a Haleb fan that gives hate on Emison (or any other variation of that example) then there is a possibility that you could even hurt a friend without even realising it. 

I know I have made some private negative comments in the past myself, I’ll own up to that and I am genuinely not proud of it, but I would never say it to any of their shippers because I would never want to hurt their feelings. 

It takes a lot more effort to make a long ass post about hating on a ship than it would to just keep it to yourself. Nobody likes extra effort

Ok, rant over 😂

When Makeup Meets Art

By Lynette Neo

Last week we witnessed the extraordinary makeup transformations of Paolo Ballesteros and today we are going to look at some artistic makeup transformations that turn a person into a beautiful art piece! 

This look may seem like a messy makeup for some people, but it takes time, skills and experience to create messy yet harmonize looking makeup. Even though various colors are being used in this look, each color matches perfectly. Indeed a beautiful watercolor art piece!

I call this “The Geometrical Makeup”. The makeup artist not only did a great job in creating 3D effect on the face, he or she also did not forget about highlighting and contouring when creating this look. 

When I look at this, I cannot decide whether it was made to look like a puppet or a robot as I can imagine it being controlled by the puppeteer with strings but at the same time, it looks really futuristic. No matter what it is, it is still a form of art. 

If Queen of Snow exists, I think that is how she will look like. I love how cold is the overall look especially the details of frost and ice on the sides of the forehead. 

I don’t know how the artist recreate a pixelated Mona Lisa but I am really impressed with it. I think the effect will even be better if the hair was dyed in a way that looks like it is pixelated. With that being said, this look really amazed me and it’s like Mona Lisa coming back to life with pixelated visual effects.  

This look is simple, unusual yet beautiful. I like how the upper part of the face is painted with black to highlight the beautiful blue eyes. 

This is definitely one of the looks that impressed me because when it comes to makeup, the simpler it is, the harder it is. I also really like this look as it looks like there are two different characters in a face. 

This look perfectly portrays how the combination of makeup and art comes to life. The artist did really well in being consistent and putting the graphics together on a living canvas. 

If you think there is a filter in between the face, look again as the makeup was purposely done in this way to create the optical illusion. The artist did a really great job in keeping the look clean and contrast to the extent where it is hard to believe no filter or photoshop was applied on this look!

Here’s another look that uses optical illusion. If you look at it from far, you can see the big picture of the face that is created using makeup; but if you look at it closely, you can actually spot the model’s face.

I know this looks like a painting or a picture with special filter but it is not! I really like the details of this look especially the creator’s effort in the hair colors. Hats off to this beautiful piece of art!

If you enjoy reading this article, feel free to like and share it with your followers!

An ode to We, larger than Average Women

To the women
Who do not feel large enough
to truly reclaim the word Fat, but feel
not quite thin enough that the label doesn’t apply to them,

To the in-betweeners
Who know the struggle of finding
“Almost plus sized” clothing

Who know that you can either pay
19.99 for a dress that won’t button over your chest

Or 69.99 for one that fits your hips
and leaves you “gapping”
(If you’ve been there, you know)

To the women who cannot decide whether to shrink or grow
Who feel like their ample still
Means not enough

To the mothers,
the women whose bodies are
A universe, a
Blackhole working in reverse
Pushing out newborn planets
and that once
Did not exist
Rather than constantly
sucking them in

To the women who are always
Sucking it in
I know what it’s like
To wear spanx as a second skin

To the ones who want to say
“Fuck your beauty standards” -
But don’t even feel glamorous enough to be fetishized.

To we, the curvaceous
The thicker but not /damn thick/

To the ones yearning to FIT -
Into those jeans, into this life

You don’t have to keep
holding your breath -
Inhale, being full is not a sin.

Living in this stretched skin,
Is holy.

You are a goddess.
We. are. holy.

All of this soft
And marked
And /More Than/

To the ones spilling out of box
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
and You
are the only beholder that matters.

30 Day Otome Challenge - Day 12

Favourite Ending: Hades’s Love Ends (Kamigami no Asobi)

Hades is my bias for Kamigami no Asobi (because Thoth you stupid arse) and I like both his love ends. Ono Daisuke is one of my favourite seiyuus and I’ve always had a preference for Greek mythology. Hades in Kamiaso is gloomy but actually a nice guy.

Leading up to his two love ends, Yui goes to the underworld to try to bring Hades back to the school and it ends up like Orpheus and Eurydice. In one of the ends Yui turns back and Hades is like “Omg why?!”

Rules are rules though so Yui is stuck in the underworld but she doesn’t mind coz she can be with the guy she loves. I like this end because I cannot decide whether this is happy or sad. Both I guess?

For the other end, Yui keeps walking and just before she reaches the surface Hades hugs her, says some nice lovey dovey stuff, then pushes her out of the underworld telling her to be happy. What really made me love this ending was that after that, even when Yui has returned to her world and no longer remembers him, he still watches over her and saved her life.

Hades is just sweet~ ♥

It’s hard to be held in
skin like ours, sometimes.

Mornings come where the
thought seems to seep into
my skin with the sun that
today must be the day that
you realize you were wrong
to love me.

I tell myself, “be rational,”
but it’s all I know.

I love so deeply, your
name is pressed against
my heartbeat and sometimes,
when you text me, my hands
still shake and all I can think
is, “how in the world?”

I tell myself, “protect that
which you have abandoned.”

I cannot decide whether I
mean my heart, its memories
of being so quickly handed
over, or myself.

I cannot decide if I consider
those massacres I called
love, those who came before
you, to be an abandonment
of that which I call my soul.

I used to hate myself
enough to allow myself
be loved like that.

I wake up each morning
worried that I will, again.
You make every inch of
me believe that I will
not, that I should not, that
I deserve not to.

—  “sometimes i need to be reminded that you haven’t fallen out of love with me and i’m sorry but i’m learning, i’m learningEmma Bleker
Why y'all should use Tumblr's "Ignore" (block) feature more often when it comes to anon hate.

One day, I logged onto Tumblr to see a few messages in my inbox. I don’t remember the exact number but let’s say for the sake of the conversation that I had 3 nice, complimenting anon messages and 1 anon hate message.

Now what I do with anon hate is something everyone should do. As soon as I notice the anon hate is what it is–hateful–I ignore it immediately. But the thing that happened next shocked me.

The anon hate message I ignored mentioned them hoping I miscarry my fetus baby. This was sent when I was around 7 weeks so at the time, my fetus baby was actually an embryo baby, meaning the worries I had about miscarriage were obviously high. I did not enjoy reading a message like that, especially when I was early enough for miscarriage to still happen, so I ignored (“blocked”) it.

After reading such a terrible message, I thought responding to the 3 nice anon messages would make me feel better. But, wait–There were only 2 nice anon messages now. Where did the third one go? 

I realized then that after someone wished miscarriage upon me, they decided to send me something positive. Whether they felt guilty or not, it was not okay to say something so hurtful and then try to be nice about it. You cannot crumble up a paper heart just to smooth it out and expect it to look just as perfect. 

You might think that the ignore feature is pointless but it really is amazing. If it weren’t for that feature, I would have just deleted the rude message and responded to the nice one like it was a completely different person. I wouldn’t know that, though, and they would have definitely fooled me. 

There is always something to complain about when it comes to Tumblr and some people might even think that the ignore feature doesn’t do what it should, but I love it. I am thankful that even if I ignore an anon message, it recognizes who the sender is and it prevents me from seeing anything else they send. That definitely comes in handy because if you’re having multiple anon hate messages, it is more than likely just 1 person trying to ruin your day by making you think tons of people hate you.