i stay home alone

i want to cry in respect and love and appreciation at how much julie and tarjei and henrik /KNOW/ how much even and isak mean to us and they give to us so much love in the form of pictures or scripts at such pivotal moments and times like

this is so pure? we honestly didn’t even need this, yet we still got it? they care about their audience so much, and respect them so much??? and i feel so … safe and protected in knowing that?? that what could have been such a shit nye for me bc i’m staying at home alone tonight, turned into the BEST way to end the year with all you guys.

oh god.

GUYS

today i spent the day with my grandma because i cant stay home alone anymore and she asked me what kind of music i was into and i told her about all the bands i liked and 5SOS especially and she loved them. like, she asked me all sorts of questions and she wanted to know the meaning behind every song and everything and we talked about fanbases too and i realize that things havent changed that much since she was my age when it comes to bands and music fandoms. she said she used to feel like she was the only one who understood herself other than the artists. she said her and other fans would keep notebooks and write everything down about their favorite bands or members. she said she still had one somewhere and she remembers every time someone got a haircut or a girlfriend she would write down every detail and what she was feeling about it and her thoughts on it and she said when they released songs she would fill entire journals talking about them and i told her things were exactly the same now. we document everything online. she told me that as i get older people will tell me to grow up and stop obsessing over bands and she said to never listen to them. she said if she had stopped listening to the music she did when people told her to that she would be an overall unhappier person today. shes in her 60′s and understands me better than my parents and some friends even. she fell in love with 5SOS today and she said she felt like she was 15 again, listening to The Beatles in her room on her new record player. again, my 60-something year old grandmother was moved and felt young again listening to 5SOS. thats what music is all about. 

her fav was ashton btw 

@5sos

please boost this, i want 5sos to see their impact is huge and i need them to see how important they are

“they are not going anywhere anytime soon and damn it Emily if you stop listening to them i will raise hell until you pick them up again.” 

Confession

Is it so weird that I ENJOY staying home and being alone? That I actually PREFER it? I know my family has good intentions by pushing me to ‘get out the house’ and socialize, but people (get on my nerves) exhaust me. I like not going out. I like being alone and doing my own thing. I like not f-cking with nobody. I just wish people didn’t see it as 'weird’.

The reason I love living alone!!!! Almost everything is done nude when I’m home alone. Another reason I stay in the gym. I wanna be able to look at myself and smile FOLLOW MY INSTAGRAM - @will2befit or tumblr -nuttnbutgainz

Something just like this

Originally posted by caps-bucky

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2193

Warnings: Angst, Smut!, Fluffy in the end

A/N: This oneshot is based on the song “Something Just like This” by The Chainsmokers and Coldplay. I love so much this song, it’s like a drug!

If you want be tagged in my stories, just ask me!
Feedback is always appreciated.


Fist.
He.
Fist.
Will come back.
Fist.
Soon.
I take a deep breath, and in the meantime, I take the bottle of water, and I drink. By now, it’s been two weeks since Bucky left for a mission in Russia, along with Steve and Tony. I remained at the base of the Avengers, until my boyfriend, Bucky Barnes, not back. I hate staying at home alone; It reminds me every fucking minute that he’s not there, and the silence overwhelms me. So for now I sleep in the room next to Natasha; At least I try. I miss Bucky. I miss my boyfriend. I miss his voice, his contagious laugh, his eyes staring at me, his soft and sweet lips on mine, his arms around my waist. It’s horrible to be so far away from him, and not having news of him.
I drain the anger and frustration pulling punches in punching bag, but doesn’t help much; I hear the gym door open, and enters Natasha smiling.
“Y/n, dinner is almost ready.”
“Thanks Nat.”
Without another word, Natasha comes out, and I remain alone again. I sigh; she and Sam are the fantastic friends, and in all this time that Bucky is not there, did everything they could to distract me; we went to the movies, to eat a pizza, at Luna Park. But they’re not my Bucky.
I return to my room, and after a quick shower, I go into the kitchen. Natasha and Sam are already there, sitting on the couch watching a movie; after greeting Sam, I sit down beside him, and I watch the film with them. Just when it’s late, I greet you both, and silently I go back in the room. This is my daily routine, for two long weeks.
I want my Bucky.


Fist.
He.
Fist.
Will come back.
Fist.
Soon.
And another day began; after breakfast, Sam and I have made a run, and we bet about who was faster; when there is no Steve to run with him, Sam is always happy, because it’s easier to win for him.
When we returned to base, I’m back in the gym, and I started to give again to punch the punching bag; it’s the only thing that calms me. After a while I stop and support the forehead of the punching bag, and I close my eyes; Bucky is my life, since I was back to being himself. The first time I met him, he was still the Winter Soldier, and I have done nothing but fight him; he was strong, and he put me to the mat in a few moves. At that moment I thought that I hated him. I am a proud person, and I hate to lose; in spite of everything, I felt a shiver when our eyes met. I didn’t pay much attention, but when Bucky is back to being.. Bucky, everything changed.
He’s fantastic, sweet, and kind, and even broken. And since we attend us, he makes me feel alive. For him it wasn’t easy to get back to ‘normal’ life, what the HYDRA did to him.. after all this time, sometimes he wakes up at night, because of a nightmare, and I try to comfort the more likely. I am still absorbed in my thoughts, when I hear the door open; without looking, I sigh.
“Yeah, Nat. Lunch is ready. ”
“Can I be your food?”
I open my eyes when I hear his voice; I quickly turn to the door to be sure I recogniz the voice of my boyfriend, or if it’s just a dream; but he’s there. Bucky, in his combat uniform, half dirt, but all his glory. Instinctively, I run towards him, and in a few seconds I throw myself into his arms, my legs around his waist. We remain silent for a while, enjoying this intimate moment between us; I inhale his scent, I brush his skin with the fingers.
“I missed you so much.”
“I’ve noticed.”
I blush, and having stretched the legs and resting my feet on the ground, I look in his eyes.
“Sorry.”
Bucky smiles, and laying his hands cupped my cheeks, he grabs my lips with his, and pulls me to his chest. How much he missed me..
I try to deepen the kiss, but then I remember that we are in the gym, and that someone can come suddenly.
“I missed you too.” he says when we move away, his arms still around my waist.
“When did you come back?”
“I have just returned. Natasha had told me you were here, and then I’m over here right away.”
I smile. He tries to get close, but jokingly I run him by me.
“Calm down, big boy. You need a shower, and long. ”
He laughs; I’m so happy that he is here with me, and his laugh is so contagious, that I begin laughing too.
“Why are you crying?” he suddenly asked; I frown, and I touch my face with the hand. I feel it’s wet, and I smile.
“I’m just glad you’re here.”
Bucky pulls me to him, and kisses my forehead.
“How about if we go back to our home?” he asks me as grazes my ear with his lips, making me shiver, “Take a shower, we have dinner, and we’re together.”
I swallow hard when I hear the last words; now that he’s finally back, I want him all to myself.
“Let’s go back to our home.”


After entering the house, me and Bucky we head both in the bathroom. I open the valve of the tap, and while the tub fills with hot water, I undress. I remain alone with the bra and panties, and suddenly I feel the Bucky’s eyes fixed on me. I smile, and satisfied with the effect that I do to him, I glance over my shoulder.
“Like what you see, James?”
I call him by his first name, knowing what causes in him when he hears my voice say it; he’s approaching menacingly at me, his hands touching my hips, and I feel a shiver along my spine when his metal fingers brush my bare skin. My back touch his bare chest, and Bucky leaves wet kisses in the hollow of my neck.
“After all this time, hell, of course I like it, doll.”
I turn to him, and I wrap my arms around his neck, I brush his lips, and I shrink, trying to provoke him.
“Will you do me the honour, James, to take my clothes off?”
“I’m the one just returned from a mission. You should undress me. ”
I bite my lip, and not make me say it twice, I lower the zipper of his pants, and I lower them along with the boxer; he does the same with me, and when we are both naked, we enter into the tub, facing each other. We relax both in contact with the hot water, that loosens our tense muscles. I look at Bucky, and only now I notice a tinge of sadness in his face; I was so glad to see him again, I didn’t ask him how was your mission. When I ask him, with a sad look tries to divert the issue. If he doesn’t want to talk, it means that something went wrong. I get close to him, and sat down on his legs, I obliged him to look at me.
“What’s wrong, Buck?”
He swallows, and then look at me; he touches my cheek with his metal arm, and a sad smile appears on his face.
“Why me?”
“I don’t understand.”
“Why did you choose me? Why are you with me? ”
I remain surprised by his words; I thought he knew why I’m with him. We talked about it a lot of times.
“Because I love you, Bucky.”
“Are you sure?”
I feel the tears fill my eyes, and I am speechless. Why he thinks I don’t love him?
“Bucky what happened during the mission?”
Bucky continues to look helpless, and after a while he sighs, and looks down.
“We saved the civilians by.. a bomb, I think. And when at last they were safe, people have approached us to thank us. They were so happy to see Captain America and Iron Man. But when they saw me.. I think they were afraid. I know it’s a stupid thing, but.. I’m not a hero, Y/n. Steve and Tony are. I’m just a horrible experiment, which kill.. ”
Bucky doesn’t finish the sentence because of me. My lips are placed on his, and I kiss him hard; my tongue makes contact with his, and my teeth biting his bottom lip, making him moan. I feel his erection touching my leg, but I try not to pay attention; I just want him to understand that I didn’t need a hero.

I’m not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts
Some superhero
Some fairytale bliss
Just something I can turn to
Somebody I can kiss

We finish the kiss, but my lips brush even those of Bucky, while his arms leaning on my waist. I look into his eyes, trying not to cry.
“Those people are idiots, they don’t know what they missed. If they got to you, they would know that you are a wonderful, sweet, kind, and selfless. I love you, Bucky.”
“I was a monster before.” Bucky says, the trembling voice. Tears streaming down his face, and I push off with the thumbs. I put my lips on his again, then on the cheeks, then on the eyes, then on the forehead; I wrap my arms around his neck and I hug him.
“It wasn’t your fault. You were under the control of HYDRA, but now you are free. You have your life again, you have your best friend, and other friends who love you. You have me. I don’t need a superhero.”

I’m not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts
Some superhero
Some fairytale bliss
Just something I can turn to
Somebody I can miss

The Bucky’s metal arm is laying on my back, massaging it up and down.
My eyes met his, and he slings on my lips, and kisses me. I put my hands cupped over his face, and I closer and closer to me; my body in contact with his drives me crazy, and makes the same effect on Bucky. He begins to torture the hollow’s neck, then the collarbone, up to fall on my breasts; he leaves me deep marks, making me moan. His erection pushes more towards me, and I just want to feel him inside of me, to make him feel how much I love him.
“Bucky..”
“I know doll, I know..”
Bucky pushes me away from him on the other side of the tub, and ranks on me; our movements they drop the water on the floor, but none of us matter at this time. My hands are on his shoulders, while he brushes my entry without preamble, and in a moment his cock inside me. I yell, while Bucky fills me more and more; he begins to push, and I cling closer to him, my legs around his waist. Our skin slamming against each other, and the water that moves around our bodies, it causes weird sounds.
“I love you, Y/n.”
My eyes met his, and Bucky pushes more and more inside of me. I arch my back, and I try to still get closer to him.
“I love you too, Bucky. I love you so much.. ”
It’s true. I love him. Despite the things that he did, in spite of the horrors he lived, I love him. I feel my body tremble, and then I come, continuing to repeat his name, and that I love him. Bucky groans, and with one final push he comes too. I don’t care if for the others he’s not a superhero; I don’t love the Winter Soldier. I love Bucky Barnes.

Oh I want something just like this
Oh I want something just like this


After our intimate moment, and putting in order the bathroom, me and Bucky we put in the kitchen to cook something. We laughed and joked, and almost burned the kitchen. Now we’re both lying on the couch, me in his arms, with the TV on. Bucky caresses my hair, and suddenly I feel him smile.
“You know you’re beautiful with this shirt on?”
I smile, realizing that the shirt is talking about is his. I lifted my face to look at him, and my eyes meet his.
“I have to thank the owner of the shirt.”
His lips brush my temple, and I feel a shiver down my spine; it always happens when he touches me.
“Now you know.” I say suddenly, losing myself in his grey eyes. He furrows his eyebrows, not understanding what I’m talking about.
“That I’m with you for who you are, not for what you do.”
“I love you, Y/n.”
“And I love you, Bucky Barnes.”

Oh I want something just like this
Oh I want something just like this


Forever Tag:
@hotwinchester
@deadinside-muser
@iamthenewthor
@doro7winchester
@frickin-bats

I’m the type of person who enjoys being alone. I like to walk home alone with my music. I like to stay home alone Friday nights. I just like quiet and time to myself.  But I don’t like being alone for a long time.  I don’t like being alone long enough for the bad thoughts to take over. I guess what I’m saying is that I like being alone, but I hate being lonely.
—  kg
I used to be excited about my birthday, but then I was told I was getting “too old” for that.
I used to get excited for anniversary dates, until I was told that it’s “not a big deal”.
I used to love going to school, before it brought so much anxiety that it helped me into a severe depression.
I used to love being with my friends, that was before being with them felt empty and lonely.
I used to love going to practice, now I’d much rather stay home and be alone, and I have to force myself to conjure the motivation I once had.
I used to tell people everything, but after constantly being told to “get over it” or made to feel like a burden, I’d rather just cry alone.
I used to be a happy kid, that was until the world destroyed my happiness. It ruined all the simple things that had once made me happy. How I wish I could enjoy the small joys again. I’m sick of being told that I’m wrong to feel happy about them. I’m tired of feeling guilty for being happy. I need those small things, because I’m slowly running out of things to smile about.
—  Story from the person I used to be

KakaSaku aesthetic

“I can see every tear you’ve cried like an ocean in your eyes. All the pain and the scars have left you cold. I can see all the fears you face through a storm that never goes away. Don’t believe all the lies that you’ve been told. I will show you the way back home, never leave you all alone. I will stay until the morning comes.
I’ll show you how to live again and heal the brokenness within.” 

Things I Love
  1. Laying in a field in the middle of summer with my eyes closed letting the warm breeze run across my face.
  2. Staying up until 3 am to finish a good book.
  3. Waking up to the sun shining through my window on Saturday and making pancakes.
  4. Baking while I’m home alone.
  5. Staying up until the next day to talk to friends.
  6. Wrapping up in blankets fresh out of the dryer on a cold night.
  7. Taking long baths while listening to music while using bath bombs/bubble bath.
  8. Buying excessive amounts of notebooks and pens while school shopping.
  9. Jumping into a cold pool on a hot summer day and into a warm pool on balmy summer nights.
  10. Having enough ideas to be able to write for hours on end.
  11. That feeling in the air on Halloween a few hours before trick or treating starts.
  12. Strolling through Christmas light displays with a cup of hot cocoa.
  13. Sleepily watching movies on the couch on a long weekend.
  14. Visiting Universal Studios or Disney World and the overwhelming happy feeling i get when i walk through the gate.
  15. The open feeling of a finally, entirely cleaned bedroom.
  16. Listening to my friends get excited and watching them light up as they talk about their favorite things.
  17. Opening up packages from online shopping.
  18. The feeling of leaving your tummy behind when you take off and land in an airplane.
  19. Finding perfect fruit.
  20. Days when everything sees to have a blanket of calm and quiet over it.
  21. Thinking about getting to live with my best friend when we’re on our own for college.
  22. Planning out my future apartments design/furniture.
  23. Rolling around in a just made bed with fresh sheets.
  24. Pens that write really well and fit perfectly in your hand.
  25. Hella rad, hella dark, matte red lipstick.
  26. The smell of espresso/coffee.
  27. Plush and squishy duvets.
  28. Using brand new mascara for the first time.
  29. Warm Butterberg that leaves behind a whip cream mustache when you drink it.
  30. Cold weekends when i can sit outside and see my breath in the air.
  31. Girls nights in with starbucks, soda, baked goods, and cheesy movies.
  32. Seeing my friends succeed at things they’ve worked hard on.
  33. The feeling when someone lightly traces their fingers down my back/across my hips.
  34. Sharing a bed with my friend and just knowing they’re right beside me.
  35. Having someone play with my hair.
  36. Hoodies that fit loosely and hang to my knees.
  37. Wearing my boyfriends hoodies that still smell like him.
  38. Mashed potatoes.
  39. Buying something expensive with money I’ve earned.
  40. Songs split for headphones, particularly ones that play the acoustic version in one ear and the original in the other.
  41. Doing my eyebrows perfectly.
  42. Falling asleep to music or my favorite youtubers videos.
  43. Wearing super cute beanies.
  44. The smell of Hot Topic hair dye.
  45. Having “girl talk/gossip” time.
  46. Risking only getting 4 hours of sleep to talk to a select few people.
2

This entire month so far has been me working my ass off and being told my work isn’t good enough? But I’m chugging along.

I finished my presentation for my first interview next week and I’m actually really excited because I think it’s gonna be pretty kickass.

Logan opted to stay home tonight so I ventured out to the gym alone and practiced handstands afterward. I also cannot get enough of this podcast I’m listening to and the news is so depressing lately? So I’ve been listening to my podcast on my long commutes and at the gym (and sometimes when I make dinner 😬).

Happy Tuesday, almost Wednesday, out there folks! SSDGM.

2

[redecoration progress]

We ordered my new furniture today and chose floor pannels. We’re going to buy them tomorrow and on Sunday we’ll go to choose wall paint. And then there’ll be mess in my brother’s room so I’ll have to move idk where.. hopefully back to my room even tho it won’t have furniture till the beginning of April D:(but I have my bed XD)