i stay for him so much

sweet shop ➹ peter parker

summary : to put it simply, peter parker doesn’t like candy that much, but somehow he keeps finding himself at the same candy shop in manhattan, and it’s definitely not because of the cute worker always standing behind the counter at precisely four in the afternoon. definitely not.

wc : 1.6k

author’s note : if there’s typos my bad i don’t proofread i’m lazy

  “The freckly dork with the sweet eyes is back.” It’s the first thing you hear when you walk into work that afternoon, four o’clock sharp as usual, fiddling with the strap of your apron with the shop name scrawled across the front in lovely cursive letters. You lift your gaze from the cash register toward the aisle you’ve noticed he wanders in most frequently- not that you’ve really been noticing the cute boy of course- and find him through the throng of people, though he’s quite easy to spot considering he’s shuffling awkwardly through stacks of chocolate whilst blatantly staring at you. You’re not sure he even realizes what he’s doing until you lift your hand in a tentative wave and his entire  face pretty much glows pink as he smiles back nervously and he knocks into a display shelf. 

  “Poor kid is smitten,” your coworker sighs with a smirk plastered on her face as she unties her own apron and slips into the backroom to hang it up. “Does he even know your name? Do you know his?” 

    You wave her off dismissively. “My name is on my name tag, I’m sure he knows it. He never buys anything, anyway. He just… like, lingers here.” You shrug. “He’s cute so I let him stay.” 

   She throws her head back and lets out a laugh, returning her scrutinizing gaze back toward the boy with the precariously gelled hair who is hastily trying to restock the shelf he knocked over while simultaneously stumbling into another one. You wince at him, trying not to stare because god, he’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen but he reminds you of a baby deer learning to walk for the first time in the clumsiest, messiest way imaginable. “He comes here to gawk at you, dumbass. His eyes never stray,” she places a hand mockingly on her heart as you roll your eyes toward her. You flash a jovial smile to a customer when they approach you to ring up their order before turning back to your friend. 

   “Should I talk to him?” You inquire, placing the money in the correct slots of the register. You glance back up at him as he holds his hands out in front of a chocolate, silently pleading with it to stay put so he stopped looking like an absolute moron in front of you. He looks back at you and this time waves back a little, running a hand through his hair in an attempt to appear cooler than he actually was. “I’m gonna talk to him.” You say, not waiting for your friend to divulge her own opinion on the matter. 

   She shrugs, slipping on her jean jacket and grabbing her purse. “You’ve always been a sucker for the dorky, in need of help, doe eyed type of guys.” You swat at her shoulder playfully but she dodges it, winking at you before walking around the counter and lightly patting the boy on the shoulder as she makes her grand departure. He looks around in confusion until he sees your friend gesturing toward you. 

   “Scotty, can you cover for me for just a sec?” You call, your face turning to the backroom of the store while Scott, your other coworker, emerges from it. He gives you a scowl, brown eyes narrowed, though you know its playful. To avoid song quite conceited, you don’t admit it often, but you’re pretty much everyone’s favorite employee. “Thanks babes.” He takes your place at the register, and despite the tattoos and nose ring he sports, his smile is practically contagious. He’s another favorite among the customers just because of how pleasant and charming he is. 

    Peter, though you don’t known his name just yet, watches as you exit your position at the register and hastily tries to make himself look busy standing in front of the same selection of candy that’s he been for fifteen minutes now. He picks up a chocolate bar, pretending to examine it as thoroughly as possible when you lean against the stand next to him. His palms feel sweaty. “I- I was gonna buy something eventually, you know, one of these days. I swear.” He practically shoves the Hershey’s bar in your face, but you lightly push his hand back. “I’m just- I’m, um, very, very indecisive.” 

   You laugh a little. “Um, it’s fine. That’s not even what I came over here for.” You scratch the back of your neck for a second, an anxious habit because suddenly, you’re pretty nervous standing in front of a sweetly awkward boy with possibly the nicest eyes you’ve ever seen and the cutest shy smile that he seems to be trying to maintain desperately. 

   “Oh.” He nods, heat crawling up his cheeks as he sidesteps out of your view. “I- I- I- um, sorry for blocking something, I probably am-” 

   “You’re not,” you assure him. Peter can feel his heart squeeze tightly when you take a step closer toward him, but your smile is the least intimidating thing he’s ever come across. It’s gentle. He appreciates the gentleness of it. “So, um, what’s your name?” It doesn’t come out as smooth as you would have liked it to, but Peter grins back at you like you’ve just asked him the greatest question in the universe. 

   “I’m Peter,” he replies, running a hand through his hair again in a way similar to your own nervous tick of rubbing the back of your neck. “Uh, Peter Parker, he repeats, not knowing if you wanted his last name or not. 

   Scott, across the room, cups his hands around his mouth and calls toward you, “Y/N, if you’re gonna flirt with that kid, at least reorganize the shelves, too!” You turn around to give Scott the finger. To be honest though, you’re also turning around to mask the embarrassment on your face. 

    Peter steps out of the way again so you can stand in front of the mess he had already created just a few minutes before. “I’m Y/N, in case you didn’t catch that.” Peter likes the little disconcerted expression you’re donning now. He’s glad that he’s not the only one flustered here, and in an odd way, it makes him feel a little more confident when talking to you, the same person he’s been trying to gather the courage to hold a conversation with for the two weeks. 

   “I knew that already,” he says. Then, realizing the odd way you’re looking at him suddenly, he continues, “because of, you know, the uh, name tag. Your name tag. It has your name on it. So, that’s how I know.” Another nervous smile flashed toward you. 

   “Oh, yeah,” you look down at it. You continue stacking the shelves in the proper manner. “You really did a number on these,” you wave your hand toward the shelves. “Tell me, how’d you manage to knock down two different shelves in under five minutes and put everything back in a way not even remotely close to the way they were before?” 

   He knows you mean it lightheartedly, but he still blushes even deeper than before. “Hey, at least I tried,” he answers defensively. “But, um, I don’t even really know. I think you made me nervous. You- you waved at me.” He glances down at his shoes, shuffling his feet again. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, he thinks to himself. He misses the beam you give him, secretly pleased with yourself for having that effect on him. It was flattering. 

    “I made you nervous?” You raise an eyebrow at him, and he nods. “That’s cute, Peter. I’m not much to get nervous over, though. Trust me.” You turn your back on the display shelf just in time for Peter to shake his head at you. 

    “I’ve been coming in here for two weeks now, and I haven’t bought anything because I’m too nervous to go up to the register and talk to you. So yeah, you are. Something to get nervous over, I mean.” You knew what he meant, but he had a habit of over-explaining every little detail that you found endearing, so you let him talk. “Is that weird? Am I weird?” 

    “Nah.” You reach out to squeeze his hand for literally a millisecond, which irritates him to no end because he kind of wants you to hold on for longer. “Like I said before, it’s kind of cute. You’re a cute kid.” 

   Puffing out his chest a little, he says, “Well, I wouldn’t really call myself a kid, I am fifteen so…” Oddly enough, it’s that comment alone that makes you sort of fall in love with him in that moment, and the way he so terribly wants to impress you. There’s no way to describe him other than ridiculously sweet, which is ironic considering you’re standing in a candy shop when he admits that you’re the prettiest person he’s ever laid his eyes on and when he asks for your number, you don’t hesitate to give it to him. 

   It’s the first time he buys something from the store, and he walks out with a stupidly happy grin on his face and approaches Ned with a new bounce in his step. He’s been standing out there for a half hour and patience that was diminishing faster and faster. As they’re walking back to the train so they can go home, Ned eyes Peter as he bites into a chocolate bar. “Peter, you literally hate chocolate, what are you doing?” 

    Peter shrugs, taking another piece off. “This chocolate bar scored me a date and the number of the cutest worker in that store. I’m gonna learn to love it.” 

    “The worker you’ve been stalking for the past two weeks?” 

    “It wasn’t stalking, Ned!” 

    Ned gives Peter an unconvincing nod, but truthfully, he’s glad to see his best friend so excited over someone. It’s been awhile since Liz, and Ned knows Peter deserves to be happy. And boy, is Peter ever so happy, even while he’s eating chocolate that he hasn’t liked since he was seven.

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anonymous asked:

am i the only one whos salty that shiro did so much to bond with his lion. he went to great lengths to strengthen his bond only for it to basically go to waste? like will shiro really not be a paladin again?! was him getting the bayard back, fighting zarkon, activating the wings, getting to know about his lion's bg, and seeing through black's eyes really all for nothing? all of that work so he could stay back at hq and give out orders? i'm pretty bitter tbh

yes i’m mad salty about this! he worked really hard, and that was honestly his entire character arc last season. however, i’m pretty sure the only reason shiro can’t currently pilot the black lion is because he’s not really shiro. i think there’s a really good chance we’ll see him pilot the black lion again.

at the end of last season, shiro got his bayard back from zarkon, gained the ability to teleport, and was able to form the blazing sword with keith,  that’s a lot! and none of those are one-offs, in my mind.

@dragonescence and i were talking yesterday, and they had a really cool theory about what might happen in season 4. if we get real shiro back and we have too many paladins, one option is to have shiro sit it out, but the other is that something might happen to keith.

so far he’s kind of been the rock of the series. the only exception to this is when shiro is involved. he breaks orders to help shiro, he doesn’t want to be leader and take shiro’s place, etc. other than that? keith is made of steel.

the blade of marmora episode was really eye opening because even though kolivan explicitly says knowledge or death, keith doesn’t hesitate. and he doesn’t quit. i don’t know if anyone realizes this, but it’s explicitly stated that he fought for a bare minimum of 18 hours. they go out of their way to give us times in that episode. keith vastly undervalues his own life and he doesn’t quit, and there’s a real chance that could come into play eventually.

specifically, when it comes to shiro. i’ve had a few asks/prompts about this, too: what would keith give up for shiro? a lot, i think. like not to be dramatic, but given what the series has shown us so far, if keith has to make a hard choice between shiro and himself, that’s no choice at all. i don’t think there’s anything he wouldn’t give up, honestly. @dragonescence also pointed out that so far in the series, shiro has been motivated totally by duty. having something happen to keith might give him a bigger stake in this fight. anyway! just an interesting theory.

anonymous asked:

okay something's been one my mind. At what point did shiro have a breakdown that the team would even give him his space. when he got out of the fighter plane? after he got out of the pod? because you know the team loves to crowd around the pods to make sure the person is okay. and now all I can think of is "shiro" having this huge panic attack the second he steps out because it's all too much for him, after which keith escorts him to his room.

You know I think stepping out of the pod and having a panic attack immediately is actually very likely?? Especially since one of the flashbacks that upset him so much involves being in a pod. I can see how waking up back inside one of those would trigger another flashback and cause him a lot of distress:

And I really think that you’re right about how being crowded would cause him to get easily overwhelmed. Even if this is his team, and even if they’re all happy to see him and very welcoming–it’s pretty apparent that interacting with everything after what he’s been through would be exhausting. 

We also know that Shiro is a very private person, and that he doesn’t like to let the others see him weak or vulnerable. Unless of course that person is Keith. Back in the desert he steps outside for a bit to get some distance, try and think things through and deal with them. Keith is the only one who actually approaches him to check in and see how he’s doing, and I think it’s likely something similar could’ve happened here. Maybe Kuron panicked and he left in a hurry to get some space, and Keith kind of followed after him. And Keith comforting Shiro back at the shack was literally Kuron’s first thought when he was dying. Of all of Shiro’s memories, I think this is the one he really holds dearly. So if anyone could calm him down and talk him through it’d have to be Keith. 

I thing it’s also notable that, when he sees Kuron with his new clothes and haircut, Lance goes, “You’re looking a lot better.” Kuron knows the others can tell he’s in bad shape, and he wants to hide that from them as much as possible. Being exposed to everyone when he isn’t completely put together is terrifying. And he probably thinks not letting them see him like this is just as much for their sakes as his. Keith’s already seen Shiro when he was on the verge of death though; Keith has seen Shiro at his lowest points and pulled him back from the brink. Kuron can bare himself to Keith without fear because they’re just so intimately familiar with each other. 

When they’re alone together, Kuron doesn’t hide how down and defeated he feels. Admitting he’s completely at a loss, questioning the loyalty of his lion, confessing he might not even be able to make it out of bed yet–he’s brutally honest with Keith. When he says, “Then, just nothing. I woke up, and I was back on a Galra ship,” you can really hear how broken his voice is. And the extreme closeup showing just how exhausted and drained he looks accentuates his vulnerability. 

And I mean, based on the fact that Keith is already out on missions again, we can assume Kuron’s been in recovery for a while. I can’t see Keith leaving his bedside if his condition was still critical. The fact that Keith mentions the others would really like to see him again also implies that a considerable time has passed. And actually, the interesting thing about Kuron’s isolated recovery–when he finally bounces back, I think it’s partially because Keith asks. But Keith says, “They need you,” to which Kuron can only manage a distant, “Yeah. I’ll try.” 

But who was it that needed Shiro really?

Who was it that insisted they’d get Shiro back no matter what?

Who was the one person on Team Voltron that kept grieving over Shiro, that just couldn’t move on?

So while Kuron may have been the one bedridden while Keith stayed by his side, while it was Kuron joking how Keith always had to rescue him–I’m certain Keith needed Shiro just as much. And yeah, I don’t think this is Shiro. But Kuron and Keith still care for each other just the same, and around each other they’re able to let their walls down and just be themselves. I feel like spending that time alone with “Shiro” was healing for Keith too. They really do anchor each other. 

Cas and humanity

Because I’m seeing so much “let Cas stay an Angel and those who want him to be Human are taking away his identity” posts on my dash… I feel I have to defend myself albeit very briefly as I’m not in front of my computer to give all the intricate details and gifs to go with it.

The reason I believe his endgame is to be Human is, the same as Destiel, because the writing of the show made me do it.

In my opinion:

The show has consistently told us that Cas was never “right” as an Angel, that he was always different, had a crack in his chassis etc. That he couldn’t do what the others did during the times of Herod, that he is always seen as “odd” in the other Angels minds, that he has always watched over and admired Humanity, finds that it never gets old.

After he was Human he said he was killing himself when he took back his grace, such strong words! Before that he tellingly didn’t answer Dean’s question if he was ok about being an Angel again. It has been framed as a loss of a newfound identity, hence his depression afterwards, stuck in the middle, when he has now had what he felt he wanted (even though it was a terrible human experience which even more emphasises the point) and he had to let it go.

In my opinion they have created Cas as a character who never was happy as an Angel, he never fit, it was never what he WANTED. It’s very akin to a coming out or trans person’s story for me.

Becoming Human is not CHANGING him, it’s allowing him to embrace who he truly has been all along.

Cas was never truly in his mind an Angel, he was never happy as an Angel, he discovered who he truly was and wanted to be in season 9 as a Human.

When has he smiled the most in the show? Around humans and thinking about his human experience via the pb&j. How does he say “I’m an Angel” v “I’m a sales associate”. Resignation v pride… It’s clear to me.

I’m not some asshole who wants him to be Human to “serve my ship”. It is a totally separate story and again, that is why it is so powerful. Dean and Cas’ love story leads them BOTH to finding themselves, Dean as bisexual and feeling worthy of love and Cas and human and also feeling worthy of love. They both help each other get to their own INDIVIDUAL endgames that are written as such in the story that is being told.

In my opinion Cas has found himself and his story is clear to me.

I don’t want him to CHANGE. Entirely to the contrary I want him to EMBRACE WHO HE HAS BEEN ALL ALONG.

5

Damon x Reader

Requested by @marthabelin



You were terrified of thunderstorms. The only person you’d ever told who had taken you seriously instead of laughing and telling you to stop being silly was Stefan. He promised if you went to the boarding house during a thunderstorm he would stay with you through them.

“Why are you here?” Damon sighed as he caught you sneaking into the boarding house with a bag packed to last as long as the storm was said to.

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anonymous asked:

This week's big debate seems to be about Cas and humanity. I've read posts that are both excited and upset about how it seems like Cas is eventually going to choose to become human. I was wondering if you had any insight into whether that's a good thing or a bad thing for him, or if he should choose to stay an angel.

Heya! :) I am going to answer this to the best of my ability which is a liiittle bit loopy and over-tired today :P 

But yeah I have been scrolling my dash and I am not dead yet so I have seen this discussion going on :D I sort of feel like I haven’t got much to say about it in a way that I haven’t said/agreed with before (so it’s been redundant to weigh in), but like… riiiight back when I was a Fandom Newbie and getting to know the lay of the land and I just got absorbed right into the general fandom consensus at that time among the groups of meta writers I glommed onto… 

I mean, because I showed up after 9x18, and then though of course I was around for the following episodes I really started the whole circus of new episode reactions along with everyone, with season 10… between tearing apart the Cas stuff in 9x18 and then the Cas and Hannah stuff in 10x01-3 it just seemed really really obvious where Carver was going with it, and what it meant to Cas? And I mean okay this was 3 (4?) years ago but I also feel like with Cas’s development getting stalled over and over and over except in tangential ways, this was all put on ice like 3 times over before he even got possessed by Lucifer, so the MAJOR work on this was between the last minutes of 8x23 and 10x18 and even then that’s the STORYTELLING of it, and of course Cas himself puts the whole thing on ice as something he has the luxury to think about in 9x09. (Except for the one peanut butter and jelly conversation.)

So in 9x18 the MAJOR thing is that the lyrics “loneliness is a coat you wear” are laid over Cas taking off the coat to mend it (although that’s left out so it’s more like… he takes it off to gather his thoughts on what he’s going to do next, which is even more symbolic and useless in a practical way of why he does it). He then puts the coat back on to greet his army… And in a few episodes Metatron does the “draped yourself in the flag of Heaven” thing, which when 9x18 is all about the subtext and telling us to pay attention, I find a very very straight line to what that meant about him doing similar to 12x19 - using Heaven but not wanting Heaven, and never mind his motivation with Dean (and that being what changes his mind and makes him play Metatron’s game), the way it portrays Heaven as an obligation and a duty to help, but with a loneliness that comes from wearing that coat. He’s walking out into a parking lot full of angels but the lyrics are screaming that he’s without love, and lonely, and the end of the season confirms these choices were the reason. 

And in season 10 it gets more personal, and we have Hannah as a counter example. With Daniel in 10x01 who wants to stay on earth and gets what that’s all about we see Cas empathising, but at the end of the episode he goes way deeper than that, talking about human things that upset and startle Hannah. She literally drapes the flag of Heaven over him in 10x02 and smooths it down and accidentally reveals that the plaid of Winchesters is underneath the collar all along, and Cas is sleeping and acting more and more human while sick. She wants to give him his grace back to stop this and he resists… Out of penance and lack of self-worth and knowing he did a heinous thing to steal grace in the first place (again, for Dean, not just to be an angel again but because he needed to survive to warn him about Ezekiel). But symbolically she is trying to make him take the grace and be an angel. Be a leader, the angel the others will rally behind and follow. She represents how all of Heaven feels about him (and 12x19 and 12x15 cover similar ground in what Kelvin says about Cas). 

But also in 10x07 it goes deeper with how she feels about humanity - that the human things are forbidden, that love and enjoying sensual pleasures like showers are just *wrong* for angels to experience. She rejects human things entirely as stuff that’s not for her, and nopes out hard. And she is symbolic of angels in general, of Heaven’s desires and feelings in general when she asks him to be a leader. 

This is the sort of pressure - innocent of malice but FULL of lack of understanding - that is at odds with what Cas FEELS which is full empathy to wanting to be on earth… an actual understanding and feeling for these human things. He’s in his own body without a shared vessel as 10x09 goes on to confirm, which means he has none of the conflict Hannah does there, and 10x09 paints quite a picture of Cas as wildly unlike all the angels in this way, because it confirms for once and for all he’s alone in there and the Jimmy issue is resolved. 

To quickly skip ahead on this side of things, 12x10 shows the same thing but dialled up to a zillion. Instead of Hannah standing in for a clueless family that doesn’t understand and can’t empathise with the different feelings and sense of belonging Cas has, but is still mostly harmless if accidentally intolerant and stifling with their expectations and demands, we have Ishim, who stands in for the worst sort of family experience with intolerance. He’s also in love with a human and that’s the metaphor for violent, self-loathing homophobia I guess, as he kills Lily’s daughter to emotionally sever himself from her, to no avail, and tries to kill Cas for having the same “weakness”. Lashing out with hatred because of the internalised feelings of crossing a taboo line that their society has turned into a harsh rule. Supposedly good reasons are offered with the nephilim thing, but obviously Cas and Dean aren’t gonna have a baby any time soon, so the metaphor unfolds itself as queer through and through once Ishim turns on Dean.

And to walk aaaall the way back DOWN canon, I’m stalled in my rewatch in 4x10 at Anna pacing around talking about how she did the worst thing imaginable and cut out her grace and fell. 4x10 is the first episode to actually explore the nature of angels and lays down some ground rules, like that sex and disobedience are forbidden. 

ANNA
Orders are orders. I’m sure I have a death sentence on my head.

PAMELA
Why?

ANNA
I disobeyed… which, for us, is about the worst thing you can do. I fell.

DEAN
Meaning?

PAMELA
She fell to earth, became human.

(I have the transcript open and scrolled down to that part in a tab and have for months… CBA to go find her talking about sex later but I think we all know the stuff she says)

That “worst thing you can do” line feels to me like with retcons from 12x10, that the “sacred oath” may be any sort of angel to human dalliance or connection or desire to BE and to be FREE. The same thing Hannah nopes out of in 10x07 is what Anna had to tear out her grace to experience. Anna having to take her grace back to survive is tragic, especially as it puts her right in the vulnerable firing line of Naomi’s reprogramming. This metaphor is SO much worse with Anna than even Cas, as it’s so simple about her returning to her family as an angel again after making a break to be free and live as a human like she wants, then to be tortured back to the family line and pure obedience, to her eventual death as an unrecognisable killer, a la Cas in 8x17. But without the sympathetic inside view and long arc to explain it or the narrative having any interest in saving her >.> (Hi, I like Anna and am bitter about that whole thing 5eva :P) 

Cas in 9x09 also takes back a grace to survive (and this whole arc brings in the clear concept that has been on the backburner since Anna of grace and consciousness as 2 separate things, and grace to an angel being more of its power than its mind, though functionally they seem one and the same when nothing hinky is going on - something else important for human endgame as well as showing ways of removing grace without falling and turning into a human baby)… Again like Anna Cas has little choice when he takes the grace back. He was happy to die human until he learned Sam and Dean were in trouble, and made a horrific choice to help them by stealing grace. After that getting his real grace seemed like the only way to fix him dying of his actions, though he seemed happy to again, the story had other ideas :P (And Mittens wrote something on how Cas has “let himself die” in the way he didn’t in 10x18, where he has to pass through death for change and reaping the character benefits of transitions. (Flyingfish1′s heroine journey meta also comes to mind). Of course by not letting himself die, he’s trapped in the 10x18 > 12x19 holding pattern on his entire life and personal arcs except the ever-worsening depression and self-worth arcs that spring up in the meantime, and the belonging one.)

Anyway it’s all connected, these angels with their connections to humanity, either what they really really want and are denied by fate, or by fate end up experiencing, and really really don’t want. Or in Ishim’s case he really wanted and then because of being an example of a total tool representing institutional prejudices, decided murder was the best way out of his brush with feeling human things. And they all tell us things about Cas from different angles, with different angels (sorry. wordplay was right there.) The long and short of it is that Cas is supposed to be one of those marble statues with no doubts (in 4x10 - *buzzer noise* WRONG *points at 4x07 and “I have doubts”) or that human things are not for them (*points at Cas even bringing up the subject and confusing Hannah about why you’d want to learn them and horrified that Cas seemed to have picked up human cooties by admiring these qualities in the first place*) or indeed that angels in general are massively intolerant to humans and from start to finish it’s a death penalty offence to get tangled up with them or want to be/be one of them. (I know 12x10 is more applicable to the Destiel side of things but the general message about Heaven’s intolerance with “humanity” instead of queerness with all the other examples makes a lot of sense to me.)

Actually I’ve seen the argument a lot that this debate is metaphorical to the trans experience for Cas changing species, even more than the interspecies romance parallel to sexuality metaphors, and I think it is fairly simple to me that this is part of the general queer metaphor applied to Cas as something the angels are intolerant of. 12x10 threw in the Benjamin stuff too and made it a little angel gender studies thing (which Hannah also helped with in 10x17 by reprising her “totally in love with Cas” look in a male vessel and not giving a crap about the change). With Benjamin they said that the angel Cas was closest to there was the one who had a ….. friendship ….. with his vessel. So there’s a lot going on there between that and the “his vessel is a woman, benjamin is an angel” thing) :P 

I think, anyway, Anna wanting to be human and getting disowned on pain of death and having to become an angel again, and even then being hunted for daring to not be an angel once, is the closest parallel to what Cas faces. Especially for internalised ideas he had at the time and hadn’t got to unlearn until he was a human. 

And I think, additionally to that, he may not have even realised that being human even answered his feeling of not belonging or being different until AFTER it happened. Like, Metatron forced it on him too soon and then everything was non-stop awful and then suddenly he’s had to get grace again (and heading for that flag of heaven metaphor), and only then he gets to reflect on what it felt like, by way of being an angel again looking back on it. It was so brutal and short that he never got a chance to appreciate being human at the time in a way where it would explain to him what he lacks. 

By 10x18 he has the family dinner and he takes his coat off for it. Heaven has rejected him, he’s seemingly chosen the Winchesters again, and got his grace back, but he has to go back to the grind, and he doesn’t change his wardrobe, he keeps the coat which is basically performative angel-ness with Winchester plaid underneath. 

(Actually about the only time I can think of that angel-ness is used as the queer metaphor and not the other way around is in 9x06 when Cas is playing cis straight human to Nora and Dean shows up yelling about him being an angel at his workplace… I think that’s a very circumstantial metaphor which is more about delightfully queercoding the entire thing than a wider statement… After all, contained within a season where the main arc for Cas is leading a heaven army thing, and ending in “i just want to be an angel” in utter, tragic defeat on the emotional battlefield. Absolutely NOT a statement on what would make Cas feel HAPPY, just useful and numb, per 10x03 and what he says about human pain and how revealing those lines are side by side about what Cas is feeling and how angel is he REALLY, like, deep down in his too-big heart where it matters)

But yeah he just keeps on going after 10x18 and this all kinda drops away, so I think until season 12 basically nothing was really done to mess around with this concept again in a substantial, meaningful way aside from attack dog and similar arcs tangential to this and more about Cas’s state of mind in general (as the same conflict can be applied to Dean when human). It has become more about Cas belonging in the Winchesters as the main thing - 12x19 has Cas being way more upfront about using Kelvin to his face, that he’s only going along with it because his old connections to Heaven are useful, as well as shining a massive spotlight on Cas considering himself a guardian angel as a bad bad thing, which is actively damaging his beloved family relationships and especially upsetting Dean. He would rather protect them from afar, and I think long-term Cas ending up with the Winchesters but as an angel would always be somewhat prone to that sort of thought in an emergency that as a more powerful being he would have to protect them, and a sense of not belonging entirely as another species that can’t quiiite relate no matter how different he is and how much more kinship he feels with humanity even as an angel. I can’t see that as a happy ending, and since 12x19 it feels rather more like it would be not finishing a plotline that is not JUST about this relationship but using it to move the piece on the board about Cas’s human arc forward another step, as his endgame would be not just as human, but also with them, so tying the concepts together isn’t a bad idea, as long as it’s clear this is something in season 9 and 10 Cas came to as a desire without very much contact with them at all, and therefore very much for himself as an understanding of what he is and what he desires. 

And, again, I don’t think Cas has great resources for self-reflection on the subject - not just that Metatron had to turn him human briefly to even make him realise he could ever do it, but something like using the belonging with family arc to help speed it along gives him a clear reason and goal for why it works and would feel right for him and to give him the place to self-analyse with motivation. I really don’t like the idea of equating this entirely with Cas’s belonging with the Winchesters arc all on its own, though. It CAN’T just be about that he should be human to be with his human friends/family etc. But I do think that a lot of the work to explain why he identifies with humanity has ALREADY been done and is a solid, existing part of his character already. 

In a happy ending even if it all gets told tied up with the Winchesters, I would point to season 9 & 10 to argue that it was not JUST FOR them, but that they were the soft landing for him to make a decision. If he became human he wouldn’t be forcing himself to fit in with them, he would be doing it for himself. I mean, since season 4 he is equated with Anna, protesting loudly he’s nothing like her when even before we meet her he admits to one of the cardinal sins of doubt. He has ALWAYS had a slight leaning towards humanity and clearly described as UNANGELIC traits and feelings. So in this way he’s always FELT different and therefore as it gets expanded and expanded and ends up being a deeply complex metaphor and fascinating way to relate to Cas, it’s clear this is an inherent part of him from the start. The human feelings that Hannah violently nopes out of have been things Cas has tolerated, defined himself by, and felt all along. She’s used to show that Cas hasn’t ever been bothered in the same way, and just uses her leaving as an excuse to delve even deeper into human connections by worrying about Claire, and in the narrative, walking us right into proving he has his own body and no Jimmy, and another way Cas is both unique, and uniquely suited to a human endgame.

I think though that a lot of this is personal and subjective on the arguments going around, and I see this sooo deeply through the old meta I read back in season 9 & 10 which has shaped all my ongoing thoughts I do know I have developed probably my own biases on this. I think Cas would never be happy as an angel in a happy families endgame because the Guardian Angel Cas issue (which was his downfall in season 6, so not a new thing, just re-focused recently) would always play on his mind as it’s shown that he self-sabotages his relationships in order to protect them. I see it like season 4 Sam using his powers to exorcise because it’s an ethical way to get rid of demons quick in a fight without stabbing the innocent meatsuit. In season 5 even knowing aaall the trouble it caused him and that Ruby played off his desire to save people as a GOOD thing to do great evil, he was tempted by the demon blood and regrets/resents not being able to use powers to exorcise the kids. (Obviously before he learns they were all just human all along because that episode is so disturbing >.>)

Even if it went some pretty hinky places (as in the end of season 6 for Cas and the guardian angel mentality, with Crowley as his Ruby, as he uses “i still considered myself the Winchesters’ guardian” as a justification) Sam’s motives were for good originally and he missed the idea of sacrificing his own morality to save people for an objective better good. Cas seeing his powers as making him more powerful, therefore more expendable, less included, and with a personal sense of duty to watch over and protect them, HAVING the powers would only ever be living in temptation to do a 12x19 again. Sam only recovers properly without the powers to tempt him and I feel he’s in a very different place as a person by now… Cas with a human endgame might not get room to grow out of it on screen but by his grace being removed (hopefully and tbh by necessity willingly), he’d have the potential and promise that he would be able to recover in the same way from this toxic mentality. And I consider 12x19 very much doing for Cas and the guardian angel thing what Carver era and 8x01 especially did for the codependency. Just put it all on the table and told us, this is hurting them more than it’s doing good in the world. Let’s look at how it hurts them and why. Let’s aim to fix it and let them move past it.

And even if Cas can start to recover from some broad strokes, like feeling more included, feeling like less of a tool/personal attack dog, he will only have a long term chance at happiness if the temptation is removed at the source, and he will need to UNDERSTAND that too and to vocalise some things about his reasons for watching over them like this LONG before he chooses humanity. And these are very much my personal subjective feelings on why it feels BAD to me that Cas would stay an angel, as it’s right off on another end of the spectrum of why people are arguing they feel bad if he would become human. To me the personal identity stuff right down to complex sexuality and gender metaphors are MAIN TEXT in Cas’s arc due to him being an inherently queer character. The “it feel bad” reaction to me right now is that I feel sad for Cas being an angel around the Winchesters forever because he will always be their guardian angel and that’s BAD for what he WANTS which is just to be a part of the family with no complicated strings attached like his obligation to protect them. So to me I see humanity as the obvious answer to that. But that’s a personal reading of what I hope would happen and why. So my explanation of what I see in the text is one thing and this part is another, if that makes sense?

… I hope any of this makes sense. I apologise for typing so long… I know I said I’ve said it all before but I mean I assume you’re not tag-diving on my blog if you’re just asking me and tbh I wouldn’t know what tag to dive either and they’re *my* tags so I’m not judging ;)

I’m just gonna leave this here...

P stayed at my sister’s house (who lives an hour away) for the last three days. I was super excited to see him tonight. My other sister had a tattoo removal appointment in the same town this evening, so she picked him up. Now, in the back of my head I thought “she’s gonna want keep to him after she gets him from big sister” - Ah, I was right. P just called me and asked if he can stay at my OTHER sister’s house tonight AND he has a birthday party tomorrow. 

It hurts the heart. 

I’ve missed him so much and he’s perfectly happy playing musical aunts!

I want my baby back!!

Now I’m gonna write something super angsty to deal with missing my baby!

anonymous asked:

I heard a theory,the theory says,O!Ciel killed by UT or RC before his 14th birthday. What do you think about it?O!Ciel isn't main character anymore.Yana showing his past and the lies is truth now.I think we have to say goodbye O!Ciel.

I don’t think the manga will continue for much longer after our Ciel dies. The whole story focuses on the contract between our Ciel and Sebastian. They are the main characters and that will stay like that. The manga will probably end with the death of one (or both) of them but I don’t think there’ll be a change in perspective and things will continue after one of them dies.

I can’t imagine Undertaker killing our Ciel. He really seems to care for all the Phantomhives so I don’t see him wanting to harm either of the twins. I can’t really place the real Ciel at the moment. He clearly doesn’t seem to have good intentions now but I don’t really think he wants to kill our Ciel now. He’ll want his title and possessions back and maybe wants our Ciel to suffer but he may not wanna kill him. Also, I don’t think he would succeed even if he wanted to kill him. If our Ciel dies it will probably be because of Sebastian. And if he dies because of someone else it’ll surely be the end of the manga very soon. Since there are way too many open questions that have yet to be answered I think it will take a while longer for something like that to happen. That’s why I believe our Ciel will live to experience his 14th birthday (which is very close).

George Harrison was literally one of the nicest men I have ever known in my life, most gracious and generous. You have to imagine standing on stage with a Beatle performing those songs that are part of your DNA… it was the experience of a lifetime, one that I will never forget. George like Eric [Clapton] became much more than a musical associate, he was a dear friend. It was really fun just hanging out with George… we even meditated together. Every time I was in London, George would send a car to pick me up and take me to his house in the country to hang with him, Olivia, and their son Dhani. We had the best time! They even welcomed my parents into their home to stay once which was such a thrill for all of us! To play with George was like being part of musical history and to interact with someone so influential in the world of music was a huge honor and opportunity for which I will always be grateful.
—  Nathan East, Smooth Jazz Notes, September 2007

mathes0n  asked:

what do you think mapleshade would think of tigerstar's other kids?? personally, id like to think that she may have a small soft spot for tawnypelt and maybe even bramble, but im curious what you think!

hmm well i think she doesnt hate them or rly have much of an opinion of them; i think she’s more interested in seeing how they interact w/ tigerstar and using that to get an understanding of him. seeing how tawny, bramble, and moth all reject him interests her in a way thats like “hmmm. now what makes hawkfrost stay? and how can i use this to my advantage?”

i think she probably admires tawny for bein able to stand up for herself so often lmafo and that she’d probably like her, or as close as maple could be to liking a cat

I already love this new character : Zeke Shaw and it’s not because he would be a possible love interest for Raven (no one really knows yet) but because I could see him as this really interesting new character that we will all love.

The only problem I have: please don’t kill him off. I want him to stay around and become like a main character.

Because there were already too many great characters with so much potential that got killed off.

So if he doesn’t last long on this show I will be mad. ( I don’t stay mad for long but still…and yeah I know this is the 100 and all but I would like it for a change if they would keep interesting characters around instead of killing them off left and right)

9

just taeil things
   ↳ #happytaeilday! ❤

happy birthday to my sun and my moon, vocal king and strony boy moon taeil. it’s been years since we’ve started this journey together and there hasn’t been a single day in which i regretted supporting and loving you. your extraordinary ways, as awkward as they may seem at times, have always managed to put a smile on my face, even on the worst of days. i’m so grateful, and words couldn’t possibly describe that. i hope you feel at least fifty times the amount of happiness that you’ve brought to me on this special day of yours, because you deserve nothing less than utter contentedness and love and i hope whoever surrounds you will give you just that! happy 23rd birthday, taeil! (sub cr.) (sub cr.)

BONUS:

9

Hyuk forehead/middle-part appreciation post

3
“You know it doesn’t always have to be ‘goof, goof, dildo’, okay?! I’m traveling around with the Boner Squad, and I never get to just say what I’m FEELING.
I have emotions!
It’s not all 'abracafuckyou’ and what have you. I HAVE A BEATING HEART! I’m multidimensional! I’m a fully realized creation, FUCK!”

Taako Taaco || Photographer
taken at Zenkaikon 2017

♥ нappy вιrтнday, ѕнιro! ♥ 2•29

i couldn’t wait to post this on his birthday.. so happy early birthday, my fav space dad! i can’t believe he’s turning 5! they grow up so fast,,..

Can we take a moment to appreciate how pure and deep Jimin and Taehyung’s friendship is. I have not seen such a beautiful and close bond between two people, they love each other so much and you can just tell by Taeyung’s words to him in 4 O’Clock, his tears in the recent Bon Voyage episode, and how Jimin always accepts and loves him no matter what, being the one to stay closest by his side when his grandma passed away as well. They’ve even called each other soulmates, that’s how strong their relationship is. They’re just too pure for this world and I hope nothing ever breaks them apart, and that they stay as close as they are forever.