i stay automatic

Me [44M] with my roommate [40M], I’m worried I might be homophobic towards him? - #NONROMANTIC

First things first, let me say that I’ve never thought of myself as being discriminatory before, so all of this is coming out of nowhere.

I’ve been living with my roommate - we’ll call him “Ronald” - for several years, and I pretty much knew upfront about him being gay. At some point we became friendly enough with each other that we could even joke about it, as in, sometimes he’ll pretend to flirt with me and I’ll pretend to flirt back. I’m straight and he knows that, but I don’t feel threatened by him flirting with me and he says most straight guys do.

The problems started because of this: “Ronald” brings guys home sometimes. At the start I thought I was okay with it, since it’s really not my business who he sleeps with. He’s usually discreet enough about it that I don’t see/hear anything I wouldn’t want to see/hear from anyone else, but for some reason I’ve started feeling weird if I even see him with other guys.

I don’t know when it started but one time that really sticks out to me is when I came home and saw him and some guy making out on the couch. I don’t know how to describe what it was like to see that, except that for a moment I felt so bad I thought I was going to throw up. "Ronald” was embarrassed (he didn’t think I’d be back for a while), but I told him it was okay since I was embarrassed too.

I felt bad for being as disgusted as I was, since there’s NO good reason for me to have a reaction like that. I thought maybe they just caught me by surprise and that’s why I reacted so strongly, but it turned out it wasn’t a one-time thing. After that, every time he has a guy over (not that often, but every once in a while) I just start feeling like shit and wishing that guy would leave, and I can’t stop thinking about what these guys might have done to him even though I don’t want to imagine that. It makes me really uncomfortable and grossed out. And these are just guys he fools around with, I don’t know what I’d do if he ends up getting an actual boyfriend.

"Ronald” has started to notice and it’s affecting our friendship. The other day I came home right when some guy was about to leave, and the guy tried to be polite to me but I ended up being rude to him (don’t remember what I said, but it was really obvious I was pissed). When the guy left, “Ronald” asked me why I was being an asshole. I didn’t know what to say, but then he asked if I had a problem with him sleeping with other guys. I said no. For some reason that pissed him off more and he said I can’t complain since I bring girls over all the time and he’s forced to listen to me having sex with them. I agreed with him and told him I was just having a bad day and I don’t care who he sleeps with, but he looked more upset and told me he’s going to a friend’s place to cool off. I said okay. When he was leaving for some reason he casually said, “and you’ll be okay if I sleep with him as long as I do at his place and not ours, right?” Or something like that. I told him it’s none of my business what he does at someone else’s place, but when he said that I felt sick to my stomach and couldn’t stop thinking about it.

He didn’t show up later that night even though he was supposed to hang out with me and my twin sister. He’s never blown me off before and it made me feel like shit, but part of it was my fault since I made him feel like I was judging him for sleeping with guys. Now he’s acting like nothing happened but I’m worried I might mess things up if it happens again. I want to keep him as a friend, but he’d be hurt if he knew that whenever I think about him with other guys it disgusts me.

How do I deal with this? I’ve never been homophobic but I’ve suddenly developed some kind of homophobia where just the idea of my roommate’s sex life makes me uncomfortable. And I don’t react like this to other gay people either, it’s just "Ronald.” I don’t know if this means I’m only okay with gay people as long as I’m not living with them or what. Does anyone else have experience with this? I want to get over myself and stop whatever this is, but if I can’t I’m going to have to leave since the last thing I want to do is hurt "Ronald,” and if I stay here and keep automatically judging him for his lifestyle that’s what’s going to happen.

tl;dr: Roommate is gay, I am not but I thought I was okay with him being gay until I realized I feel crappy when I see him with other guys and it’s started to affect our friendship. How to deal with this/stop being such a dick?


Some re-design (ish) things I sketched. X3 For some reason, lately I’ve been thinking about Danny Phantom getting a reboot that’s got more of a serious undertone while still conserving stupid puns and jokes. I was actually looking at anna-cattish ’s blog and I wanted a reboot to look like some of her art. It’s beautiful. :3 Anyway, I’d love a dp reboot that’s less afraid of angst and serious themes.

chiaki73  asked:

I'm sorry I haven't sent a message until now, but I'm sorry you got a anon like that. You've written so many amazing fanfics, your characterization is perfect and you are so creative and you deserve a lot more praise then you've gotten. I'm going to miss your writing a lot but you've already done so much you more than deserve to stop. And I hope you feel a lot better without having to deal with requests anymore! And I'm also glad you've blocked the anon and won't have to hear from them anymore!

No need to apologize. It’s not like you’re required to message me but it is MUCH appreciated. Still surprises me that people would send me their support. It’s nice. Words are empowering like that. So thank you for sharing your kind words with me. I’m just happy to know that my fics were loved by some, that’s enough for me. And yeah, it feels easier to breathe now without worrying about piling requests.

PS I’m still 100% willing to write for friends! Like trust me, I’m not forcing myself! I just want to write for my friends! Honestly! I love my friends!! Writing is the only tangible form of showing love that I know how to do! Let me love my friends! They are amazing and important!! I love you!!!

imagine svt getting asked abt these numbers

interviewer: so explain the math thing 

everyone: sweating, looking at scoups 

scoups: hahhhahsshha im gonna let our maknae dino explain this since he just finished school. back to you chan 

chan: uhhhhh  well … im semi i stay automatic money add then multiply i call it matha mata matics

okk, hello! to celebrate my blog’s one year anniversary, i decided to do a my first follow forever! my blog has grown more than i expected over the last few months, and ive made many new friends along the way. you’re all some of my favorite blogs and people. ♥

mutuals: bolded

☆ 0 - 9

@2-am-alone / @2008ryden / @20dollar-novocaine / @95halsey 

☆ a - i

@actualbrendonurie / @aliiens / @angelsapphic / @aubergine-dreams / @aurellialester / @badlansd / @baendonurie / @beanboyjoseph / @behindtheseas / @blurjosh@blurryjoshua / @boyfriendstump / @brinsella / @bro-curious / @bulletproofatbest / @cafephan / @candleswans / @celestialhowell / @chamomilelester / @cherrydun / @cinnamondun / @cloudybub / @codesmp3 / @coffeesforclosers / @comatosekilljoy / @corketree / @crrntlocation / @dadpun / @danhowells-movingcastle / @danisnotonfiretm / @danthrusts / @darkbluehowell / @dietcokelesbian / @dimplydan / @dodiedoodle / @doubtjoseph / @dragons-in-wagons / @dreamyhowell / @dumdumbrendon / @duncutie / @dunfetti / @dunion / @eclipsehowell / @elyysiann / @fairyhue / @falloutboyz / @falloutjade / @fawnslake / @flowerydun / @georgestaniel / @girlfig / @glitterpdf / @glowinghowell / @goghleaf / @goldenstump / @goshua / @greenteahowell / @guldendays / @halseyum / @heathenpilots / @heathenshowell / @heathxns / @heavenlybrendon / @heeyyyoungblood / @honey-howell / @howelles / @howellinhowell / @iheartdun / @imperfect–impostors

☆ j - r  

@jawshdun / @jiimbogart / @jiishwadun / @jishwasbeard / @joshbun / @joshua-dunshinee / @katyalaskyy / @lattefoam / @lesterchild / @lestesrs / @lovelyemoqueen / @lridescentlester / @madgehasfreckles / @mangomonet / @marilovespizza / @memeghoul @migrainephil / @mlmjoshdun / @moongf / @moontxt / @mountdun / @nekojoshdun / @nofunclvb / @nothingrhymeswithcircus / @oglory / @oneanddun / @orchidlester / @outdun / @padeylicious / @pantalloon / @paternalpadfoot / @peachstree / @phandomgrandma / @phantheraglama / @phestive-trash / @pika-dream / @planetdodie / @pnkskies / @polariiize / @porkmom / @prostituteryan / @rainbcw / @rainfail / @rlyalone / @rlydun / @rosemarylester / @rosepouts / @rosevest / @ryanrosshateblog / @ryliner

☆ s - z

@screenmp3 / @semiautomatty / @shingekihowell / @skellydun / @slowduns / @slowtowndun / @snowylester / @sohelpmedun / @spaghoetti / @sparklehalsey / @spookydan / @stavlow / @stilllstreet / @stumpyourfeet / @stxrlightswift / @sufjcn / @suitehearts / @sunsetlester / @sunshinedun / @sweetandcaplow / @teagf / @thatgiantsquid / @tidalwav-s / @tinybeanlester / @trapdun / @trippingeyes / @tronnor-sunsets / @trucce / @twenlyonepilots / @twenyonepilots / @twinkdun / @twinsketelons / @tyguyjoseph / @tylerandthejosephs / @tylerjoseoh / @tylerjoxeph / @tylernjennajoseph / @tylersoldtweets / @ukulelee-screamo / @vividhowell / @vssl / @wentzcity / @whateverdun / @whydun / @wildflower-howell / @yeslah-badlands / @youtubebitch

Mafamatics Lyrics

it’s babeo I stay automatic // i’ll kill you niggas with an automatic // i’ll ill you niggas with an ak on my payday when i get the bullets something tragic // finna happen when i’m killin all these dreams // ring ring gotta call ferg in his dump truck // cause i got all these niggas bodies pilin’ up // and i need somewhere to put em when my tummy stuffed // with all the weak bars that you lames be spittin up // fuck with my crew, well you can get your guts strewn // from your mommas house to my back yard // cause i’m ready and willing to keep your heart in a jar // in my fridge // and every now and then i’ll taste a smidge // so, i can taste the coward in ya // to remind me of a place that i’ve never even been to // hey! how’s the bottom nigga // you jumpin up and down cause i really can not see ya // screaming oo kill em like i’m hanging out with terio // imma make you cry like the time you told ya grandma no // kill em without even trying // show up to the grammys in my red silk bonnet // and a bag full of bobby pins and pink lotion // when the camera pans to me // “sorry for my attire but i’ve been sleeping on you hoes” // with a wink and a smile // and then the web goes wild // all these weirdo babes are my adopted childs // YEP a bad bitch with bad grammer // make your speakers go hammer // when I pull up to the scene and you find your wig missin // find me screaming “new weave new weave! 22 inches” // yup, big dick bitch .com // yeah your meat is flexin but it’s lookin pretty miniscule // time to stop playing rap games // head back to school // yeah. my money add and multiply // call it mathematical equations // givin niggas abrasions // with my tongue lashings // having skater boys change thrasher to thrashim // and just f.y.i shout out to semi he’s a pretty cool guy

Zidane says (for the umpteenth time this summer) that James is staying | August 27, 2016