i start blaming myself

Ah, Mystic Messenger! I remember back when I was really into the app and did my best to get all of those sweet, sweet calls from the glorious hacker god, 707.I heard that now you can have a route with the other Choi twin so maybe I should take a look at it again? 

This drawing took a lot of time since it was only the second high-resolution digital drawing I tried to actually finish. Usually, I always ended up abandoning the big projects before, due to lack of interest. Seven, however, was a character I really wanted to draw and this picture, after more than 6 months, still hold the record for the most Likes I have ever received on one of my creations.

It is 9 months old, haha. Please endure the anatomy fail!~

I’m sorry for the non-OnS related post, though I hope you still enjoy this one!

i’ve always been made of iron fists and i guess at this point, i’m just looking for somebody to be soft with me. i’m just looking for somebody to say look: i know you’re mad right now but tomorrow you’ll get over it and i’ll still love you and you’ll still love me and that means everything. what i’m saying is i know i always make it seem like i’m angry but anger has always been a defense mechanism when i’m really hurting.

did you know that almost every time i’m screaming during the night, i drive home crying? did you know that i’m afraid to reach out to my friends because i think they’ll go running? did you know that i stopped blaming myself, i started realizing that people are afraid to show emotions in a world where people always brush them off.

so here’s what i’m going to do: i’m going to start saying thank you more. i’m going to tell people how much i appreciate them. i’m going to say i love you, because i’ve lost too many people without them even realizing how much i do. i’m going to start asking how are you more. i’m going to keep crying because nothing good comes out of hiding your feelings and i don’t care anymore who judges me for it. i’m going to take down my guard and show others that i’m struggling and that’s okay. because i know you probably are too.

what i’m saying is hurt manifests itself in different ways and just because people don’t show hurt in the way you’re used to doesn’t mean they don’t feel it. what i’m saying is check up on your friends. many of them are good at hiding their true feelings.

‘Game’ of Dragons

‘Mother’ of Dragons

‘Cousin’ of Dragons

‘Father/Incubator’ of Dragons

‘Wishes-He-Was-Stepdad’ of Dragons

‘Enemy’ of Dragons

‘Lunch’ of Dragons

‘Barbecue’ of Dragons

… ‘Scared’ of Dragons

Take Whats Yours

I threw the ring at Harry’s chest in rage. Even though it didn’t faze him the slightest but I couldn’t stand the contact of it anymore. It was all wrong, everything was all right at one point in time now it all seems as if the past 7 years was a waste of time.

“You’re being unreasonable (Y/n)” Harry says as he picked up the engagement ring.

I shook my head, “No Harry, you don’t understand”.

“Tell me then!”.

I huffed, “Harry are you that blind? We’re never the same when you come home from tour, when you do come home it still feels like you are still across the world! We aren’t close anymore, it isn’t fair on either of us!”

Harry rolled his eyes, “Sorry that the first thought that isn't on my mind is to have sex, given I’m deprived but I’d like to come home and catch up on some sleep!” he fired back.

“That isn’t what I’m talking about Harry, I don’t care about that! You used to come home and at give me hugs and kisses, we would binge watch all your favorite movies! Harry you sleep on the couch when you used to have no problem coming to bed whenever! I don’t know what happened but this isn’t us. What happens when you’re gone? You never tell me anymore” I choked.

I didn’t want to do this but I was at my boiling point. I blamed myself somewhat for starting this argument but this isn’t what a relationship - let alone a marriage - be built like this. Also Harry wasn’t well with communication on issues, it isn’t like he had to tell me, it was evident. I love Harry, I will always love him until the end of time. But I can’t be with him if this is what we’ll always be.

“Are you accusing me of cheating?” he points towards him self, his eyebrows knitted together.

“I never said that. Are you feeling guilty of something though?” I crossed my arms, hoping he would assure me I was the only person who seen him in one of his most vulnerable states.

He stayed silent as if trying to find the right words, his mouth opened as if he was about to speak but nothing ever came out.

The wind had been knocked out of me, my eyes widened as tears threatened to fight their way through. My chest lurched forward as if I could vomit at any moment. I shook my head in disbelief, this was all a bad dream. I was going to wake up any second now and Harry would be sleeping, catching up on his much needed sleep. This is all wrong. I refused to believe it, but it was too late.

“Just take what’s yours and leave” I stare at my feet, if I looked at him I knew that I’d break.

“(Y/n) -”

“I said take what’s yours and leave!” I screamed, my throat burned from the vibration.

I walked into the living room trying to get as far away from him as I possibly could until he was out my door for good. We had a good run but all good things eventually come to an end. He’d move on and find someone who would fit him perfectly, give him every thing he would hope and dream for. I would move on.

My feet were lifted off the ground as a gasp escaped my lips. My head snapped up to see Harry with a heartbroken expression on his face, but he still managed to smile. I shook my head, trying to fall out of his tight hold.

I heard the door squeal as it open, "Harry put me down right now!“ I demanded.

“Can’t do that" he answered as he continued to walk out the door.

“And I why not?” I spat. 

“You told me to take what’s mine and leave” Harry looked at me as we headed into the parking lot.

My body froze and as I focused on what he would say next.

“Listen Love, I’m not cheating on you. I love you too much to even look at another girl,” he started.

He was honest, his demeanor told me even if his voice tone couldn’t.

“I know I’m not the best with communication, and if you’d like we could go back inside and talk about what’s going on and stop carrying you around the parking lot” Harry said, causing a light chuckle to come out of us.

“I also know I’m not willing to lose you, I love you. I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me if I didn’t. I’m sorry about everything going on but please don’t make me leave, I’ll tell you everything you want. Please just put this ring back on” Harry gushed.

It was silent for a moment, my heart was stuck in my throat. My mind was wrapping its self around his small speech.

“Say something Love”.

I nod my head “We can go home”.

“Would you like me to carry you through the door way? I’ll be doing it 6 months anyways” he joked, trying to lighten up the mood.

I chuckled, “Practice makes perfect”.

This ending was so bad but I didn’t know how to end it. So I apologize if you didn’t like it.

Send me request and feed back please and thanks.

“Treason” (Part 2) - Jace,Alec,Izzy and Magnus

Originally posted by whiskeyandspitfire

(not my gif)

REQUEST: (Y/N) is Hodge’s daughter and when he betrays the shadowhunters, (Y/N) doesn’t know how to cope so her best friend Magnus comforts her and so does Jace and the others. (PART 1)

“You’re too upset to take decisions right now.” Magnus said. “Why don’t you sit down and breathe for a minute?” He added with a little smile.
“I need to leave.” (Y/N) murmured.
“What’s the hurry? No one is throwing you out.” Magnus shrugged. (Y/N) didn’t reply.
“Everyone here wants you to stay, you know.” Magnus added after a minute.
“How could they? My father betrayed them.” (Y/N) wasn’t shouting anymore, on the contrary, her voice was barely audible.
“Yes, he did.” Magnus said softly. “But you didn’t. Everybody here knows that you didn’t know what he was up to. Nobody is blaming you for his actions.”
(Y/N) walked slowly to her bed and sat down. She seemed more calm now, but still looked very upset.
“I do.” (Y/N) said. “I blame myself for what happened.”
“(Y/N)…” Magnus started.
“No, Magnus, I know what you’re gonna say. But Hodge is my father, and I didn’t see it coming. I should’ve known. I should’ve suspected something, anything!” (Y/N) declared.
“It doesn’t mean you have to leave your home. Your friends need you here, you can not leave them behind.” Magnus said.
You think you know people, and then they surprise you. Everything my father told me was a lie. He has never been on our side. He was just waiting for the Cup to show up so he could steal it and bring it back to Valentine.” (Y/N) looked at Magnus. “He is not the man I thought he was. My whole life I’ve been looking up to him. I forced myself to be a better shadowhunter for him, to make him proud. But for what? For him to betray his people and run away like none of this ever mattered to him?” A single tear rolled down (Y/N)’s cheek as she spoke. “Like I didn’t matter to him?”
Magus put his hand on his friend’s shoulder to comfort her somehow.
“He didn’t even left me a note. As if stealing the Cup and giving it to Valentine was his plan all along.” (Y/N) wiped a few tears away but more came rolling down her rosy cheeks.
“How could he do this? How could he turn his back on us? How could he become Valentine’s pet all over again?” (Y/N) said with disgust in her voice.
“I know what he did is bad,-” Magnus started.
“Bad? I can’t even look at my friends into the eyes anymore. I feel ashamed and just…wrong.” (Y/N) murmured the last word.
“Your friends love you just as much as they did yesterday and as much as they will tomorrow. I told you, you’re not to blame for what your father did. He made his own decision, which I agree, is a terrible one. But I know you, you’re a good person and your father’s actions didn’t change that.” Magnus declared.

There was a silence for a moment, and then (Y/N) spoke again.
“It feels like he just vanished into the thin air.” (Y/N) said.
“We are still here, and we are not going anywhere.” Magnus said refering to himself and (Y/N)’s other friends. “Especially me, I mean, I’m going to be around for a long time. Oh, immortality.” Magnus sighed dramatically which made (Y/N) laugh a little.
“Thank you, Magnus.” (Y/N) said.
“Anytime.” Magnus winked.
“Can you open the door now, please?”
“It depends. Are you still planning on running away?”
“No.” (Y/N) chuckled. “I want to apologize to Jace and Alec. I was really rude to them earlier when they were trying to help me.”
(Y/N) looked down, feeling guilty for yelling at her friends when all they tried to do was help her and be there for her.

Magnus snapped his fingers again and the door flew wide open. (Y/N) was surprised to see Jace, Alec, Isabelle and Clary all standing there, right outside the door.
“What are you guys doing here?” (Y/N) asked in a friendly way, hoping she didn’t look like a total mess because of all the tears she had shed.
“We made you a cake!” Izzy said cheerfully as she showed (Y/N) the cake.
“It was her idea.” Jace said, pointing at Isabelle.
“It might not be as good as it looks,” Alec started, “So, if you don’t like it, you can just throw it out the window.” Alec said, knowing that, no matter how much Isabelle liked to cook, not everything she baked turned out to taste delicious.
Isabelle rolled her eyes and handed the cake to (Y/N) with a warm smile.
“Thank you guys, I really appreciate it.” (Y/N) said, smiling.
“See, I told you she would like it.” Isabelle said to the boys, as they all started to walk away.
“She might change her mind once she tastes it. No offense Iz, but you’ve never the greatest cook of the year.” (Y/N) heard Jace say to Isabelle with a chuckle.
“Could you hold that for me, please?” (Y/N) asked Magnus before putting the cake in his hands and she ran towards her friends.
“Guys, wait!” (Y/N) said.
Alec, Jace, Izzy and Clary stopped in their tracks and faced (Y/N).
“I’m sorry I yelled at you.” (Y/N) said, looking at the two boys. “I really appreciate everything you’re doing for me. I shouldn’t have talked to you the way I did when you were trying to help. I’m sorry.” (Y/N) confessed.
They all smiled at her.
“We’re always going to be there for you, (Y/N).” Jace stated.
“Yeah. The Institute wouldn’t be the same without you.” Isabelle added.
“We’re in this together. You can’t get rid of us.” Alec said with a smile.
(Y/N) opened her arms wide enough to hug the four of them all at once. They all hugged her back.
Then, they heard Magnus shouting something.
“The cake is moving! Guys! Why is the cake moving?” Magnus said from (Y/N)’s bedroom.
Everyone looked at Isabelle.
“I knew it. I did see Ameros running around the kitchen!” Isabelle declared.
“Who’s Ameros?” Clary asked.
“Max’s frog.” (Y/N) said, holding back a laugh.
”Ameros likes food way too much.” Isabelle shook her head. “Max is supposed to look after the damn thing, now it ruined my cake!” She added, she sounded a bit mad.
“There is a frog in the cake?” Clary asked, bewildered.
Isabelle was about to answer when Magnus shouted again.
“Guys, there is a frog in the cake!” He said as he came running down the corridor and almost throw the cake into (Y/N)’s hands.
“We’ll make another one.” Isabelle grabbing the cake as well as Clary’s arm. “It won’t take long.” And the two girls disappeared further down the corridor.
“Come on,” Jace said, “Let’s order some food before we all starve to death, or worse, eat Max’s frog.”
They all laughed and walked together to the common room.

When the person you think you know the most turns out to be someone else, someone evil and selfish, you suddenly drown into all the lies you were told over the years and don’t know who you are anymore, the truth and the lies get mixed up together and it feels like your world has been turned upside down. But when that happens, you will always have someone to hold you when you cry and to remind you who you are. (Y/N) was lucky enough to have more than one person to help her through her father’s treason. It turns out that, when she thought nobody will want to stand by her side anymore, all her friends showed up, one by one, at her door, trying everything they could think of to make her feel better, to make her feel loved. And just like that, she found out who her true family was all along.

Sometimes, I find myself wondering about the person I would have been if I didn’t came across the autistic community. Thinking about this, I can’t believe the amount of support that was given to me and how it helped me in my daily life.

I used to think that everyone else was perceiving the world just like I do. Thus, I was “weak”, because I was not able to handle a social situation without crying or feeling exhausted.

If anyone else could go through these situations, while feeling exactly like I do, why was I unable to do so ? Maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough…

I also thought that I was “faking”. That I was looking for attention or something. I must have been, because it was a very simple situation and, yet, I was unable to go through it like everyone else. There was no other possible cause, right ? I was the one to blame, obviously…

I felt “weird”, but, more than that, I felt I was being weird on purpose and it made me feel incredibly guilty.

I wanted to like what other girls liked when I was a teenager, I wanted to be able to not forget to shower every day and to stop picking at my skin, I wanted to be able to hold discussion like everyone else, but I couldn’t and I was blaming myself for it.

I started to hurt myself when I was sixteen. I never cut deeply enough to draw blood, but I bit myself, clawed myself, slapped myself pretty hard.

The pain was helping me to drown the rest, but even then, I thought I was doing all of it to seek “attention”, even though I was doing my best to make sure no else could notice my behavior.

I was different and I didn’t know why. I dreamed of becoming a different person, to suddenly wake up as someone else and to forget all about the person I used to be. I hated myself and I was thinking about death very often, wishing that something would happen and that I would die from it, without anyone having to feel guilty for it.

But, then, I came across the autistic community. I found explanations, advices and, most of all, acceptance. I finally understood that I wasn’t neurotypical and that most people weren’t going through the same things as I was.

I let myself make mistakes and I accepted the fact that I couldn’t do some things like Neurotypicals would.

I embraced my qualities and accepted my flaws. I finally had proper advices and support to get through my executive dysfunction, to not experience meltdowns and to not make as much social faux-pas as I used to. I knew what I could change, what I couldn’t, and what I could do to make things easier for me.

At first, I was self-diagnosed and the support I found was really helpful. When I got my unofficial diagnosis, you were there to cheer for me and it was incredible. You were there for me when I went through my meltdowns. You supported me when I had to be neurotypical-passing to get a job or anything else. You understood me.

Long story short, what I mean is… thank you. I sincerely hope I’ll be able to help other autistic people, like you helped me then and still do so now. I want to be there for you, self-dx and pro-dx autistic people, because you deserve to be heard, to feel supported.

Thank you so much.

happy

Bad Bob drops his gloves and takes on the press

”I just have this wonderful image of Bob getting so fucking fed up with how the media treats Jack. Acting like they’re somehow entitled to Jack’s life, to Jack in general, scrutinizing everything, constantly bringing up his overdose like they know anything about it. So here’s how I see everything going down. 

(this ended up a lot longer than I planned.)

  • Jack and Bitty have been out for a little while, and the press is, of course, being dicks because when aren’t they when it comes to Jack
  • Bob is fucking furious. Jack is finally happy and in a good place and the press is still going after him like he murdered someone
  • And he just does not understand why he himself is so glorified??? Jack almost died on his watch??? why are they all acting like Jack is a disappointment??? Jack literally almost died????
  • So Bob resolves to set the record straight. He talks to Jack first, of course, to ask him how much he’s comfortable letting Bob share.
  • Jack is in a good place now. A great place. So this… doesn’t scare him the way it would have a few years ago. It’s nerve-wracking, and he knows it won’t be fun, but the idea doesn’t make him shake.
  • Jack looks Bob right in the eye and says; “Say what happened from your point of view.”

Keep reading

On a bathroom wall I wrote
“I’d rather argue with you than be with someone else”
I took a piss and dismiss it like fuck it and I went and found somebody else
Fuck arguing or harvesting the feelings, I’d rather be by my fucking self
Till about 2am and I call back and I hang up and start to blame myself
Somebody help
—  Kanye West “Blame Game”
SIRIUS X READER (Sirius being an amazing cute boy😊.)

Can I have an imagine where Sirius Black is absolutely infatuated with the little things the reader does everyday? Thanks. &&& maybe someone finding out the readers self harming? —————————————————–

“I read that book already, give me a challenge. I want a decent grade.” You Said to Lily. Lily giggled and continued to help you search for a book for an assignment you had to make. Suddenly she gave you a light push against your shoulder. “Sshhh, don’t look right away okay?” You nodded. “Sirius is looking at you from behind the books over there.” She pointed over the big pile of books in the corner. You looked closer and spotted Sirius. His hair was all messy and his clothes were a bit wrinkled at least from the part you could see. “He looks tired.. Don’t you think?” You whispered to Lily still carefully staring at Sirius. “They all look tired, James, remus, Peter. Remus looks even more tired than Sirius..” Whispered Lily to you. You didn’t notice Sirius staring at you most of the time, but Lily did. First of all, she was a great friend to you and second she had a gift of reading people their emotions. “Poor guys.. I wonder what’s going on..” you said. “Sssh.. Sirius is coming this way.” He slowly walked your way, and yes his clothes were indeed wrinkled. Very wrinkled. You and Lily tried to lean casually against the bookshelves.

“I hope we don’t get a lot of homework tomorrow!” You said to Lily trying to hold in your laugh. The situation was just very silly. And you weren’t very good in saying that ‘casually’ which made it extra funny. “I hate homework, I hope we will never ever get homework again.” Sirius said with his hand in his pockets. You raised your brow. “Oh, do you?” You said smirking. “Yes, yes I do.” Lily laughed softly. “To what do we owe the pleasure of your presence, I guess you didn’t want to know how to paint your nails pink?” Sirius laughed at Lily’s comment. “I hoped (y/n) could teach me. I think she can do it very well.” Lily raised her brow. You smirked. “Are you asking me out?” You asked. “Maybe i am?” You smirked again. “Mysterious I see, I like clearance.” Sirius laughed. “You are really what they see you are.” You laughed. “And what do they say?” Lily was also really curious. “That you are fierce and that you have a strong personality. Not many man can handle that.” You raised your brow again. “Let me guess? You can?” Sirius smirked. “I can. Go on a date with me.” Sirius said. “No, you have to ask properly. I am not your dog.” Sirius laughed. “See you later princess.” You grabbed Lilys arm and pulled her out of the library.

“He will try again you know?” You sighed. “It’s the second time this month..” lily rolled her eyes. “You are really hard on him.. He clearly really like you. let’s make a bet, if you go on a date with him the next time he asks…..” Lily was silent for a while and sighed deeply. “I will go on a date with James.” You laughed. “That’s totally worth it, if you had said that before I would’ve been on a date with Sirius months ago. AMAZING.” You said laughing. Little did they know.. that Sirius was listening.

XXX

You were sitting at the end of The gryfindor table next to Lily The next morning. “Can you hand me the toast?” Lily handed her the toast And a glass of orange juice. “Wel Thankyou!” You Said smiling. “I knew you were going to ask for orange juice, i know you so Well!” You laughed. “You sure do!” Sirius And James walked into the great hall, once again looking very tired. Sirius was holding something behind his back. The two boys sat down next to The two girls. They casually grabbed some toast and eggs. But the girls knew there was something up. Suddenly Sirius coughed. “(Y/n)?” You looked at him. He handed you a small bouquet of beautiful red roses. “Would you like to go on a date with me?” You smiled and nodded. “Yes, since you finally asked it decently.” Sirius laughed. “You have a good influence on me.” He said smirking. “Maybe I have.” You said laughing and looking at Lily. Lily got the hint and nervously looked at James. “James? Since these two are going on a date.. would you like to go on a date with me?” James eyes grew five inches bigger. His smile was as big as it could get. “Yes ofcourse! Uhm.. I have to check if I’m free.” Lily raised her brow. “We didn’t set a date yet.” She said chuckling. “Let’s have our tomorrow night.” Lily said. “Yeah sure.” James said trying to hide his enthusiasm. “When is our date?” You asked Sirius. “Tonight. I’m waiting for you in the commonroom at 9, after dinner.” You nodded. “Alright.” Sirius stood up and walked past you touching you lightly on your shoulder. You felt something you didn’t felt before.. and you didn’t know if you liked it…

XXX

The lessons of the day had gone by smoothly. For once you couldn’t stop thinking about your date tonight. You were a bit nervous even though you knew the boy you were going on a date with CLEARLY liked you already. But did you already like him? Let’s get tonight over with first and than think about that.

You were in you room with Lily, who helped you getting ready for you date. “This dress will do.” You said. “It certainly will… girl you look so good! SIRIUS WILL LOVE IT.” You blushed. “Are you nervous?” Lily asked. “A bit.. I mean, it’s been a while since I dated someone..” Lily looked at you with a weak smile. “You have to open up more.. It’s good for you, you don’t want to be known as the old lady with twenty cats.” You nodded slowly. “I will try..” Lily grabbed your hand. “You won’t get hurt again, you are so much tougher than that.. you are known as the girl with spice, I mean that is a big deal. They know not to mess with you.” You laughed. “I sound like a thug, I like it. And on the other hand.. I don’t.. I want to be approachable.” Lily smiled at you. “Open up, be yourself and let your true colour shine trough.” You smiled. “You sound like my mom.” Lily smiled sadly. “I quoted my mom, she used to tell me that all the day time when i was younger when my sister was bullying me for what I am.. I miss her..” You squeezed in her hand and smiled at her. “I know… I’m sure your mom misses you too, luckily it’s only two more weeks before you see her again.” Lily stood up. “Come on, enough emotions for today! We are going to have fun!!” Lily looked at the clock. “It’s 9. Head downstairs and knock em dead! And bat with your lashes, I didn’t do your makeup for nothing.” You smiled and thanked her. You opened the dorm room and walked down the stairs. Sirius was waiting on the couch before the fire place. You layed a handed on his shoulder. He was startled and looked behind him almost immediately. “Woah, you look absolutely gorgeous. My god.” He stood up and walked over to you. “Thankyou.” You said smiling. He grabbed your hand gently, and looked at you. You nodded and smiled. After all you did need to let loose. “I planned a nice walk, but we have to be careful ofcourse because we don’t want to get caught.” He acted adorable and so nervous. You two walked trough the corridors. “Tell me a bit about yourself.” You said to Sirius. “What do you want to know?” Sirius said. “Personal stuff. I want to get to know you, Sirius.” Sirius smiled. “You act so tough all the time, but I’m sure there is so much more to you.” Sirius nodded. “Alright. My whole family is in slytherin, which made it very hard for me because I am in Gryfindor. Ofcourse.” He said smiling sadly and pointing at the gryfindor logo on his cape. “My family hates me.. they absolutely despise me, because I don’t want any of that pure blood shit. I thing it’s unhuman to think like that. And I hate my parents because of that.. they never excepted me for who I am.” You looked at Sirius feeling sad for him. “I practically have no family anymore. The only people that care for me are the Potters. I have no one..” You stepped before him and pulled him in a hug. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that..” He held on to you, finally having some comfort. It looked like he didn’t had a hug in a while.

The two where finally outside the castle. The air was cold, and probably not what Sirius had planned. “I’m glad you told me something like that.. It makes me understand you more..” You said. “Tell me something about you, why are you who you are today?” You smirked. “Aside from the fierce girl ofcourse.” You said laughing. Sirius laughed. “I.. I just got hurt a lot.. and I hurt myself a lot in the process. They didn’t appreciate me, they didn’t have respect me, they called me things. And somehow I started to believe the horrible things, i started blaming myself. Hurting myself even..” You slowly pulled up your sleeve. Sirius listened to you. Like no one ever listened to you before. “I felt so unappreciated, I felt so alone. I grew up in a broken home, with a lot of half-sisters and half-brothers. It’s just fucked up.. all of it. But I came out of it stronger than ever. You showed him the marks, that were now scares. I’ve made it here, all by myself. So I kept thinking that I could do anything myself.. but you just can’t.” You sighed. “I never thought I would tell someone this…” You said slowly looking at the ground. He put his arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer to him. He sure was touchy-feely, but you liked it. You felt loved by him. And he was interested in you like no one ever was. “This story just proves my theory even more.” You looked at him questionably. “And what is your theory than?” You asked smiling. “That you are an amazing strong young woman. And I absolutely adore you, you are so brave.. I absolutely admire you.. Don’t get scared.. but I used to watch you a while. Not in a creepy way I swear! And I just knew you were so much more than people described you and I immediately knew that you are the woman for me. And don’t get scared.. I knew this just our first date and this are still fragile. But I just wanted you to know this.” You blushed heavily. “Woah.. No boy ever talked to me like this..” The sky was now very gray. Rain started pouring out of the sky. Sirius turned to face you and hold one of your hands. He layed his hand on your cheek and looked you deep in your eyes. Both of you didn’t rush to stay dry. You both didn’t care anymore. You brought your face closer to his. He also came closer and placed his lips on your lips. Softly but passionately. You happily answered his kiss. Sirius broke the kiss when it started raining even harder. “Let’s seek for shelter. I don’t want you to catch a cold.” You smirked at him. “I don’t care.” You kissed him again and you both new that the spark was mutual.

Bereavement

Summary : It was just a typical mission. Fight HYDRA, get intel and get out. What they didn’t expect was for Tony to know the girl in the cyro chamber. AU.

Warnings : Mentions of death and murder. Mentions of abuse and torture. Tiny (extremely) amount of fluff.

Requests : Yes!

Author : Ash

A/N : I couldn’t just make this a one-shot. So there will definitely be more!

Master List

Prompt List

Originally posted by marveldcuniv3rse

“Tony! Get your ass over here!” Captain America yelled into his com device. We were so close to the prize. “Cap, Language! You’re clear!” I yelled back as I took out the five guys in the Humvee closing in on Cap. I noticed his mock salute as I flew off to make sure the other members we’re clear.

“Vision, Wanda, Clint and Natasha status check!” I said as I flew over taking out flying targets as I tried to survey what was happening below. “Damnit, guys answer. I need to know if I’m clear to enter. We only have a few more minutes.” I said as I took out the last chopper making my way to HYDRA’s tower.

“Tony, just go. We’ve got it. Sam and Cap are on their way to the tower. We’ll handle things down here.” Wanda said as I watched her down below. Her hands started to roll and I knew she was about to make sure the coast was clear. Atta girl.

I landed in the tower and was greeted by Sam and Cap. “Glad you could join us” Sam grumbled as he just huffed before busting through the locked door with his foot. We were expecting to see James Buchanan Barnes A.K.A Bucky when we stormed through the door. What we weren’t expecting was the female in the second cyro chamber.

“Who is she?” I asked Cap and Clint looking at the chamber as if to find some name or some type of identification. Her face looked almost familiar. Did I know her somehow? Why did she seem to remind me so much of my mother? I started to raid the tables near the chambers looking for any files I could find.

“Cap! Tony! We gotta hurry, we’ve got company heading our way” Sam said as he started to command RedWing to take out the inclosing enemy. Cap had started to turn off the devices and start the process of waking up our new and old friends. I was going to help when suddenly a name popped up from the top of a file, Subject : 851 (Y/N) Stark.

“No, a Stark?!” I screamed as I walked back to the chamber. It hit me and all made sense. My sister, my baby sister. I rushed over to the chamber. Determined to get her and Bucky out. I pointed my arms at the chambers. My lasers blowing through the glass. “Tony, we can’t just” I looked over at Cap.

“I’ll deal with the consequences later, it’s my sister Rogers. Grab Bucky and let’s get out of here. Guys, quinjet now.” I yelled into my com device, to Sam and to Cap. Thankfully, Natasha was already at the top of the tower waiting on us. “I owe you Romanoff.” I said as I flew inside. I walked over to life stations we had on the quinjet and immediately laid down (Y/N). How do she end up in cyro with Winter Soldier?

*** Eight Hours Later ***

It had been eight hours since we made it back to the tower. I was reading over my sister’s file trying to make sense of what had happened to her. She hadn’t woken yet. I knew just yanking her and Barnes out of cyro was a huge risk, but I needed to get her out. I threw the file on the ground muttering obscenities putting my fists in my hair. I turned around when I heard two knocks at the door.

“Oh, Rogers and Romanoff. What do you want?” I said turning back to my computer trying to find out anything I could about the night my sister disappeared. I heard them both take a deep breath before they spoke.

“How are you holding up? Have you found out anything else?” Rogers asked as he came over grabbing the file and skimming it over. Romanoff walked over silently nudging me out of the way of the computer.

“No, nothing. The file doesn’t say much. Just that they’ve had her since ‘91. The night my parents died, the night she vanished. “ Rogers looked at Romanoff both of them sharing a knowing glance. As if, they had some information to share but didn’t want to share. “If you guys have something to enlighten me with, I’d love to hear it.” I said scoffing at them.

“There were rumors.” Natasha started to say. She pulled out a covert KGB file. Natasha always kept her old KGB files and they also had some form of intel to help. Ironic, the KGB being helpful. “Supposedly, HYDRA was training a female winter soldier. But she was everything the Winter Soldier wished he could be.” I looked at the pictures and read over random notes written in Russian. Nothing made sense to me.

“But that doesn’t make sense. (Y/N) was 12 when she was taken. What were they training a 12 year old for? Why take her?” I asked not understanding. “They could’ve had my father that night, taken him instead of killing him. They could’ve gotten him to make or destroy anything they wanted.”

“It wasn’t about your Dad. Your parents got in the way that night and that’s why they were killed. HYDRA wanted the Super Soldier Serum your father helped create. They wanted to make an army full of soldiers like Buchanan.” She said as she typed up a sequence bringing up what looked like old discarded KGB/HYDRA files.

“Your sister was in the car. They thought she’d make the perfect test subject. Daughter of renowned world scientist, she was young. She..” before Natasha could spit out her words I grabbed her by the throat. “YOU KNEW THIS ALL ALONG?!” I spat out feeling my fingers tighten. I felt Cap hand trying to pull me off.

“Damnit Tony, let go!” Cap said as he tried to jerk my hand off her throat. He wasn’t succeeding until I felt a jab under my right rib and I automatically flinched dropping Natasha. “She didn’t know. She didn’t put it together until today.” Cap said as he looked her over. Fingerprints were appearing around her throat.

“I didn’t know who she was, just the rumors. KGB never got close to figuring out anything more about her. She was more of a ghost then the Winter Soldier. She was credited with over 400 assassinations and over 85 bombings. “ Natasha rubber her throat to soothe the soreness and make it easier to talk.

Natasha went back to typing on the computer bringing up different articles. “Phantom Shadow, that’s what they called her.” Natasha said stepping back letting me rake in as much information as I could.

I couldn’t understand. I couldn’t figure out how to feel. Part of me was glad to know she was alive. Part of me was unsure how to deal with knowing my sister could possibly be an assassin. I started to blame myself.

“You know my parents asked me to watch her that night. I was angry with my dad for being, well Howard. I told him I had better things to do.” I felt a knot creeping in my throat. “That was the last time I saw her. I was 19. If only she had stayed home..” I caught myself before I continued on. I turned around to face Cap and Nat.

“I’m sorry about your throat…” Natasha just blew it off and hugged me. “She’s family, I get it Tony.” Natasha just looked me over before giving me a small kiss on the cheek. “

“Why don’t you go see her?” Cap suggested. He grabbed my shoulder squeezing tightly. Damn Rogers, he still acted like a father figure. I just nodded my head as I headed to the hospital.

I walked to her room and went inside. I placed my hand on her chamber. She wasn’t the doe-eyed ponytail wearing little girl I remember from all those years ago. She wasn’t the girl who begged to hang out with me when I’d come home and visit from college. She was older. She’d seen and committed awful things. Was my baby sister still in there?

I leaned down and whispered to her “I’ll be here when you wake up (Y/N). I’m not going anywhere this time. I’m going to make sure you know who you are.”

“She remembered you. She talked about you all the time. When she was first taken before they started to beat her and wipe her memory.” I hung my head down as I turned around. Buchanan standing in the doorway. “She’s a fighter and a damn good one.” He walked in rolling his IV alongside him as he sat in a chair across from her chamber.

“How are you awake? And..” before I could finish my question he cut me off. “I was under as long as (Y/N). I had only recently been put back under a few months ago. She’s been under for at least 10 years now. Around when she was 25. The brainwashing had stopped working. The serum was beginning to have adverse effects.” He finished out placing his hand on her chamber.

“What kind of effects?” I asked eyeing him. My eyes flickering between my sister’s chamber, her machines and the way Buchanan seemed to act towards her. “She was becoming even more stronger, even more faster, she wouldn’t take orders anymore. She had started to remember who she was.” He withdrew his hand as he let out a deep sigh.

I wanted to say more … ask more. Before I could even piece my words together (Y/N) machines started to beep. She was flat lining. I was loosing my sister once again. “Come on (Y/N). Stay with me.”

Originally posted by cinziadowney


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#27 The Last Stick Standing Part 2 (Harry Styles)

LAST WEEK HERE!

SO HERE IS THE MUCH REQUESTED IMAGINE! 

(It’s quite long so, I hope you like the story!)

PART 1

Maybe, time has a way of healing things. Maybe it is like a balm on a wound, and slowly it helps heal the cut. Slowly stop the blood from flowing, slowly start making a net to stop it. And, my life was like a sharp nail, that kept scratching at the wound till the blood started flowing again. I wanted to stop now. I couldn’t get myself to jump off the cliff. I couldn’t, and I wanted a fresh start now. So, I cut all my nails. It was time to start fixing myself before I blamed myself. It was time to redo. 

More time was spent by me. For the first time, in a long time, I didn’t look for the company that always wanted to surround myself. I grew up with the idea that having a group of people around you led to happiness, and Matthew had it. I just didn’t fit in that group. I visited the library, reading the self-help books which helped me a lot. Just to find peace at times, and for the time to go away. It hurt initially, I wanted what my brother had, what people around me had, but maybe I wasn’t meant for it. And that was okay. I didn’t have to conform according to the world around me, I could form a new path. 

It was difficult in the start. Keeping to myself, not crying, but it had been better lately. I was feeling better. I was taking care of myself now. I liked my body, my hair, my eyes, I was falling in love with myself for a start. Figured that was wrong, I had this need to always hold on to people to validate myself, first Matthew, then Harry. I had myself now, and it felt wonderful. I was laughing more. I was happy. I had a few people who I talked to in class, or some were library specific. Some were from the coffee shop I went to, but I kept a distance. Not till I was ready would I let them close, and I wasn’t ready yet. 

I didn’t go back home in the summer. I got myself an internship instead, and they paid me quite well. My parents weren’t pleased, but it was Matthew was upset. 

“You don’t have to work to run away from me,” He slammed his hand on the door. 

“I’m not running away from you or anyone for that matter,” I smiled. I smiled at him lately. No, I didn’t talk to him. It wasn’t healthy at first, I knew. But no one treated their family like that. And, I didn’t have to give respect when I didn’t receive any in return. He chose his girlfriend, his friends repeatedly over me. When I was treated like shit, he said nothing and, then expecting me to be all love and care, when we are alone was some shit. 

“Yes, you fucking are! I know you! You just want to ignore me like a punishment,” I rolled my eyes, “Like some revenge, and then blame all your shit on me in front of Mom and Dad like you always do!” He screamed and, I dropped my stuff I was holding in my hands. 

“Is that it then? You don’t want to be blamed for me not coming back home?” I folded my hands. 

“That’s not what I meant,” He tried to correct himself, but I knew better. 

“Well that’s shit, but don’t worry. I didn’t tell mum and dad anything about us. I want to work, and therefore I am. Not everything in this world is about you, you know.” I folded my arms,  “And, as far as my dealing with my shit goes, I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.” 

“Giselle…” He came forward, and I stepped back. “You’re my sister, my twin…”

“You’ve lost all your rights to call me that. It shouldn’t matter to you. It isn’t going to make any difference to your life,” I got back to my work. “You should be glad I’m not coming back with you. The perfect child can be with his perfect parents who love him all alone!” 

“You don’t mean that,” He shook his head. 

“Why because it hurts you? Because it is finally being stated? You are the perfect child, the perfect little boy they wanted to have while I just came along with the package. Don’t tell me you haven’t felt me being treated like that, oh wait, you won’t know! Because you spent all your time gloating about how you got the better! It’s so in your face in everything. For people outside, we must be a family that provides equal chances to everyone, but we know it’s not. So, why don’t we accept it and move on. I will not live in this illusion that my parents love me like they love my brother, and then live in this complex my entire fucking life!” I yelled. 

“Gissy…” He tried to hold my hand. 

“You couldn’t even be there for your sister when she was actually in grave danger. What sort of a family is this? Did I tell you, I don’t get a call from mom, every Saturday. I call her, while she calls you! Thank fucking god, I got a scholarship for this place, or they wouldn’t have even sent me here while you weren’t even pressured to get one! Where were you during all this, Matthew? You don’t have the right to call yourself a brother. Go to your fucking girlfriend and family!” I screamed, it all came out. I couldn’t control it. There was so much that was never said, so much hidden, I couldn’t let it all out, no, this wasn’t right. “Get out!” 

Was he going to cry? He ran out before that, and I couldn’t help myself from following him. I didn’t see him, but I saw Harry standing in the hallway. He looked at me with shocked eyes, “What? Enjoying the show?” I slammed the door before he could answer. 

The good thing was that I saw none of them during the summer. It was a relief and a good escape. My internship was hectic but brilliant, and I earned quite a bit while my spending wasn’t much. It was good for me, mentally and emotionally. After I didn’t call mom for two weeks, she finally did. She screamed at me for not calling and about how worried she was, but couldn’t say much after I told her that she didn’t hear from me for two weeks, and dad didn’t send the money so, there wasn’t much worrying happening. The ‘enjoy with your son’ was another thing that stopped her. All my life I was treated like the second best. Like I wasn’t important, made to feel that way, if I wanted to stop pretending and get over this competition and want for attention, I had to start afresh. 

Today, I was soaking in the sun. My body was toned now by all the running and workouts I put in every day. My hair was longer, and I for the first time in a long time, felt happy in myself. I had made a few friends as well, and was hanging out with them when I saw him. 

He was tanned now, and I could see the muscles that developed over the summer. His eyes widened as they took me in, I did look different. 

“Hey Gissy, let’s go get those pancakes now. I’m sure they’re ready!” I offered Nick my hands, and he pulled me up. I felt his eyes follow me as I got up and walked to the stall. 

“Giselle,” I turned around knowing it was his voice. I smiled, “You look different.” 

“I grew my hair,” I nodded. “This is Nick,” I introduced my friend, and they greeted each other. 

“I’ll meet you there,” Nick nodded and I turned to Harry. 

“So, how was summer?” I asked. 

“Fine, yeah how was yours?” He asked. 

“Quite lovely, hectic but lovely,” I nodded, “So, I’ll see you around, yeah…”

He held my arm, “Where were you?” 

“What?” I asked. 

“You didn’t come back home. Why? I know you were mad at him, but he is your brother,” He frowned. “And, being as righteous as you claim you are, I expected you to be there.” 

“What are you talking about?” I frowned.

“Wait, you don’t know?” his eyes in shock. “Matthew, he met with an accident…how do you not know?” 

“What? How? When?” I took out my phone to see if I missed any call or message. I had nothing. 

“A week ago, he is bad, Giselle.” 

“I wasn’t…I didn’t…fuck!” 

“If you’d like, I’ll be leaving to see him in about an hour, I can give you a ride,” He said, and I nodded wiping my tears. He was my brother after all, and I couldn’t believe mom hadn’t mentioned anything! Not much could be expected out of them, though. 

Rushing back to my room, I packed my things and met Harry outside. It was a four-hour ride back home, and I couldn’t wait. “You know, that night when I had asked you out…” 

“I really don’t want to talk about this, Harry.” 

“Fuck! Why? Why can’t you give somebody else a chance to explain themselves! You did the same with Matthew when he constantly tried to reach out to you. He can’t help being who he is, but I have seen him fight every person who said shit about you. But he couldn’t always protect you! I don’t know what you guys had while growing up, but I know he genuinely does love you and care about you! Fuck, I saw him howling in the car after you slammed the door that night!” He yelled. 

“That night, I called him up to pick me up, the night you left me, remember? He switched off his phone to have sex with his girlfriend and came knocking at the door three hours later…” 

“He wasn’t having sex with his girlfriend, by the way,” Harry cut me off. “She had taken his phone, and thrown it across the room. When he went to fix it, it was broken. He then went to replace the model so, he could contact you. Meanwhile, that bitch hid his keys, and then after arguing for a long time, she finally gave it. He looked for you the entire night, I looked for you with him because for some reason he thought you weren’t safe. We finally gave up and reached your dorm where you were, thank god!” 

This was a perspective that I didn’t know. All this while, I thought he had left me alone, but he hadn’t. I had misjudged the situation so bad. 

“And as for me, if you’d let be explain myself,” He waited for me to interrupt. I didn’t. “I really liked as you as well. I still do for fucking’s sake, knowing how impulsive you are, and such a pessimist! I told you I was caught up with Ally and the gang. They had my book in their hand. Fucking never using a typewriter again in my life! And, all my books as well. They threatened to burn it, they actually did burn a few chapters to prove a point. Ross had my things which he was so ready to pour oil on and burn. Earlier, the plan was to mess around with you, and I thought fine. I will go with it, and then tell you everything they did so, you’ll understand and we’ll have our date!” 

I looked at him, wanting to know more, “But, it didn’t happen that way. Then, she didn’t stop the car when we went forward. Drove all the way to the pub and took me and kept me the entire time until Matthew came to look for you. He beat Joss up and, I handled Tyler and we rushed outta there.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” I asked, now crying. 

“I was so guilty for the longest time, Giselle. Knowing what had happened, knowing how you weren’t talking to Matthew, knowing I could lose you forever with one wrong word because you weren’t listening to anyone,, I just couldn’t do it. I loved you and I was so guilty. On your birthday when you went back home, I planned to tell you everything. But you were so broken, I didn’t know what to say to fix it. And then, you thought I liked Ally and hated you and, I was so guilty Gissy,” Harry shook his head. 

“Thought time would give me a chance, and when I built up the courage to tell you, you threw Matthew out, slammed the door, I couldn’t reach you with the wall you’d created.”

“Oh god, this is such a mess,” I cried into my palms. 

“It is,” he said. 

-

We reached the hospital in my town and I rushed to reception. Asking for his room, I ran up the staircase and Harry followed me. I reached the room and stopped when I saw our parents outside. 

“Giselle, what are you doing here?” Mom asked me. Dad looking at mom accusingly. 

“How could you not tell me?” I asked them. 

“You were working, Giselle. We thought better not to distract you!” Dad cut mom. 

“Bullshit! She knew I finished work last week!” I yelled. 

“Do not raise your voice at us, young lady!” Mom spoke in the voice she used whenever she wanted to make me disappear. 

“Then stop coming between me and my brother!” I told her. “If you want me out of the family, say it to my face instead of creating a divide between us!” 

“Giselle!” She yelled. 

“Enough mother. I have had enough,” I said, pushing his door open. Walking inside I saw the doctor giving an injection to Matthew. Matthew oh god, his hand and his left leg was broken, he had bruises on his face. His upper body was covered in bandages, his head was hurt. I wanted to cry. 

“Gissy, hey…” he tried to smile. I stood away from his bed. “Please come here.” 

I wiped my tears and slowly walked to him, sitting on his bed. The doctor gave his last pain killer and left. “What have you done to yourself? You didn’t have to get so bad to get my attention.” 

He laughed and then grimaced in pain, “Don’t make me laugh, it hurts.”

His left hand which was better pulled me closer, and he kissed my cheek, “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” I said, crying into his neck. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know, I thought you hated me, I’m sorry.” 

“Hey, you’re my twin. We’re basically the same. I could never hate you in my life! I’m sorry for not noticing the differentiation earlier. I’m such an idiot, but you should have mentioned this before and not hid it from me.” 

“It was what I was taught,” I shrugged. “Does this hurt?” I asked, touching his ribs. 

“I broke two,” he whined. “You’ll have to take care of me now. I can’t live in this town anymore!” 

“The jailers should let you go,” I laughed. 

“I think we should shift into that apartment you saw. It seems like the perfect opportunity!” 

After talking a bit more with my brother, Harry came in and they talked for a while before he slept from the pain killers. Dad walked with me outside leaving mother behind. “Your mother loves you too,” he said. 

“But loves Matthew more. You do too. It is not exactly hidden,” I said. 

“It’s not like that, Giselle. You are as precious to us and Matthew. Yes, we have been harder on you, but that’s because your mother faced a lot of problems being a woman and, she wanted to prepare you for that. Yes, maybe a son is seen as more important, but we don’t want to lose you for it.” He said. Maybe some wounds take time to fill, but slowly with time, everything becomes alright and I could only hope for this to become better.

“So, you like me?” I ask, handing Harry a coffee. 

“Pretty much,” He said, taking some time. “You know, there is a very good restaurant down the road.”

“Hmm, I grew up here,” I said, sarcastically. 

“I’d like you to take me on a date there then. Right now would be nice. I’m starving,” Harry said, standing up. 

“You’re driving me. To cancel all the chances of a repeat, you know!” I laughed. 

“Shut up!” He said, pulling me as we walked towards the car. 

Please tell me what you think about this. I’m posting my last few imagines…would love some feedback!

Please send in your requests for all my stories and even new ones if you think you want a work from me.

Thank you for all your support and love!

ANY REQUESTS?

MY WORK

xx. theStylesproject.

Copyright ©theStylesproject 2017: ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. THIS WORK CONTAINS MATERIAL PROTECTED UNDER INTERNATIONAL AND FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS AND TREATIES. NO PART OF THIS WORK MAYBE REPRODUCED OR TRANSMITTED IN ANY FORM OR BY ANY MEANS WITHOUT EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM theStylesproject.

anonymous asked:

I get upset when it comes to Fancafe contents. People say they don't want to create hierarchy among fan but smh it's there. I don't mind answering some questions or buying songs or smt simply (or not so) as such, but apparently it's all about money. I totally understand when we pay for materials like albums or summer packages etc... but for fc I just feel uncomfortable. Even when a member posts smt on fc and it leaks afterwards I still feel completely left out. (1)

Kumamonymous said:(2) I try to be nonchalant, thinking since most of fc members are Koreans, at least they should get some privileges for being Koreans as they’re supposed to support our boys the most, more than us int fans could. It’s fine I can’t get access to some videos or pictures, but when they write about their thoughts/feelings I can’t help feeling distant. I know the boys are not to be blame and start blaming myself for not trying hard enough instead. It’s ridiculous smh

i hate to admit it but i feel the same not only fc but also ch+ makes me uncomfortable.. i guess it’s because those are supposed to be for interaction with them but they’re only limited to people who have paid and it kinda makes me sad that you have to either give them your money or be out of loop. and it feels like with every year it’s only becoming worse and i’m sad. i don’t mind supporting them through buying albums and dvds and bon voyage ok i get it they put money into production but… idk it’s just sad. please don’t blame yourself tho if you can’t afford stuff or if you deliberately choose not to spend your money on everything bighit releases because the company’s goal is to make money off us and as a customer you have the right to either buy or not buy their product. you don’t have to buy everything. it doesn’t make you any less of a fan.tbh i even thought of not buying the new album because the marketing was messy and i’m tired of bighit getting away with this lol (i still bought it tho :////). i’ve noticed that some people literally worship bighit but guys….. it’s just a company that’s after your money fksjksnjddsj

CLF: Pas du Tout G

A/N: Thankfully short. Next one is probably going to be on Wednesday.

WARNINGS: Smut, Drina and Steve have the heart to heart they really needed. 

WORD COUNT: 1671

MASTERLIST

SONG: Helium by Alicia Moffat (I hate Sia’s version because she constantly squeaks while she’s singing and it’s annoying)

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