i stabbed you dude i stabbed you dude

Deadpool Michael AU, Jeremy in Distress


“-he’s not panicking. Why isn’t he panicking?”

“I don’t know man but he’s been staring at the door ever since he woke up and it’s starting to creep me out.”

“Maybe we should blindfold him?”

“With what?” As the two armed guards in front of Jeremy began to arguing what to do he continued to stare straight ahead. The skin around his mouth and wrists were chafed from the duct tape that had been on them for the last few hours but all he cares about was the fact they were going to be late to Homecoming tonight. Michael was coming to save him, that wasn’t a question. What was? How long it would take him to rescue Jeremy.

Normally, people who were kidnapped would panic. They’d struggle and scream, beg to be let go and Jeremy did. At least the first few times. But around the fourth or fifth time he got kidnapped he just learned to go with the flow and let it happen. Dating a superhero had its perks but Michael’s Deadpoolness got less and less cool with each kidnapping which by now was more of an inconvenience than anything else. Like tonight, Jeremy was on his way to the store to pick up his tux for the Homecoming dance when he was grabbed from behind and shoved into the a van.

By the time he woke up again he was sitting in a plastic chair in the middle of a small room with the two men who were now currently arguing standing guard. He only seemed to be kidnapped at the most inconvenient time, why couldn’t have been yesterday when there was a test on math? Jeremy was snapped out of his train of thought when there was a loud bang followed by the door swinging open. Jeremy turned his head up slightly as the guards jumped to see the Michael, still in his Deadpool costume, covered in blood holding nothing but a broken pencil.

“Holy s-” both of the men were already on the ground before they could even lift their guns as Michael made his way over to Jeremy. Ripping the duct tape off Jeremy’s mouth Michael took off his mask slightly allowing the two to kiss before he pulled away and began to untie Jeremy’s hands.

“Took you longer than usual.”

“Hey, because your kidnapping I had to pick up both of our suits and corsages on the way here.”

“How’s it my fault I was kidnapped?” Jeremy stood up, rubbing his now untaped wrists before taking his phone and seeing the time. “Holy shit! If we want to get the pictures we need to get there, now!”

“Get on my back, it’ll be faster.” Jeremy reluctantly did so, Michael taking one step before falling over. “Okay maybe not…actually I think you’re going to have to carry me.” As Michael rolled over Jeremy could see the slowly healing gaping hole in his chest. “Think the tux will cover this up?” Jeremy rolled his eyes before picking up his boyfriend and kissing him again.

“Jesus Michael, this is not how I expected to spend Homecoming night.”

“Come on dude, I’m sure somebody’s having a worse homecoming.”

“What can be worse than having to carry your stabbed boyfriend all the way back to school?”

“I was not stabbed, I was shot by some weird ion gun thing. It was crazy. Wonder where they got weapons like that…”


Peter rubbed his ear as he sat next to Ned in his bedroom while they played Apocalypse of the Damned together. “Hey Ned?”

“Yeah dude?”

“You ever feel like somebody somewhere’s talking about you?”

“Uh…no. Not really. But then again I’m not Spiderman.”

“Just wondering-oh shit! Zombie!”