i spill kisses with love

You are covering my body in kisses; full of desire, your tongue gets intertwined with my lust. “It’s been almost a year..”, you whisper. “Who would believe we’d make it so far..”, I smile ironically because I knew we’d be laying here covered in piles of love, ever since I saw your smile for the first time. 
The night flows peacefully, full of warm hugs and loud heartbeats. You wake up terrified telling me about your nightmare. “We were sleeping here, like we are now, and I was numb, feeling as if I was going to die, terrified at the thought of leaving you alone.” you murmur like a little child. I give you the sweetest kiss.
I give you the sweetest kiss and deep inside I wish I could tell you that I am sorry. I am sorry that I love you more than anything in this world yet I tremble at the thought of saying it out loud. I am sorry I can’t protect you from your darkest fears. I am sorry that I don’t have the guts to admit these two words to you. I am sorry if you feel the need to hear them.
They once told me the bigger your love is for someone, the more strength you need to turn it into words. Right now, I will hide carefully my “I love you’s” in between my kisses, the way I pull you closer when you are having a restless sleep, in between my “Good morning’s”, my lust, and the way I look at you when you’re asleep.
And I promise that I will teach myself how not to be afraid of the most beautiful words a human could create in all this chaos.
I would do anything for you if only you would hold me. But you told me to stop, so I did, for you. You told me to let go, but I couldn’t, for us, for me. My heart would shatter if I just let go of everything and I wish you would feel the same. Somehow I don’t see the pain I’m in reflected in you. You, with those big dry eyes and perfect face with pretty hair that falls around it. Did I love too much? Did I lose my sanity when I thought you were the best thing in my life? The worst part is that even with all my poems and late night crying, I don’t miss the hugs and kisses and hand holding as much as I miss you being a friend. Just talking about our days and sharing stories, that security and knowing you would have my back when I feel bad. And now that I feel the worst I have ever felt, you don’t want to talk. Forget romantic love, where is the reliable, consistent love we give our closest friends and family? It’s not about holding hands, it’s about holding hearts and you dropped mine.
—  I’m not angry, never angry at you. Just disappointed. I’m sorry

I’m not saying I missed you, but I check my phone every ten minutes waiting for your messages.
I’m not saying I missed you, but I don’t find closure in good or bad days if I can’t talk to you.
I’m not saying I missed you, but I really fucking missed you.

I’m not saying I like you, but I would definitely travel the entire world with you.
I’m not saying I like you, but I wouldn’t mind waking up to your face every morning.
I’m not saying I like you, but I really fucking like you.

Listen. I’m not saying I love you. Don’t worry.
But I would spend the rest of my life with you.
I want to know every little thing you’ve done, good or bad.
I want to cover you in kisses and touch you like you’re a work of art.
I want to be with you when you’re sad and angry, and I want to love you unconditionally.

Listen. I’m not saying I love you. Don’t worry.
I’m saying that I would love you in a heartbeat if that’s what you want.

This night is full of life. We are slowly dancing to the beat of our very own song and for every sip of alcohol you drink, you give me another kiss. Drunk in lust, surrounded by hundreds of people and a few friends yet it’s just you and me. 
This night is full of love. My heart feels so heavy, so full, insanely huge. and before it explodes I whisper in your ear; “I love you.” and that split of the second that passes feels more like an illusion and everything feels frozen yet my whole body is burning in flames and you hug me so tight we turn into one and you whisper softly and full of love; “I love you too much.”
—  when your heart explodes
I want you in the most innocent of ways, I want you to hold me tight. To wrap your arms around me, lips pressed agains my forehead while you tell me you love me and that everything will be alright.
—  lips against skin and good thoughts (k.h)

It felt like waking up
Feeling fireworks burst underneath my skin
A single light flooding a dark room

Lights twinkled around us like falling stars
Flurries of snow stuck to my hair
But I wasn’t thinking about the cold

We halted our conversation
A comfortable silence settled between us
And we were both still smiling

“You’re so beautiful.”
And I didn’t wonder whether he was talking about my soul or my body
And gentle fingers brushed the hair off my forehead

I wasn’t expecting it
It really just happened
But my eyes closed and my lips locked with his

My foot didn’t pop
The world didn’t stop spinning
Because this wasn’t a movie or a work of fiction

Everything continued, life didn’t stop
But there we were anyway
A statue in a rainstorm

It wasn’t my first kiss
But I’ll tell you it was anyway
Because it was the first one that mattered

The first one that meant something

—  Something Real

Life isn’t exactly perfect right now.

But, you are here and I am here.

We are kissing in the backseat of your car, and somehow, I believe that this messy life is still perfect.

you only kissed me with the lights off and sometimes when i opened my eyes id think i was dreaming, this was just too good to be true but when i came back to reality i heard you whispering her name. i kept going, i let you do anything you wanted because i know it eased the pain. you wanted me to go away? i ran. you wanted me closer? i become one with your bones.
—  i did everything for you, all you had to do was ask.
I want to be Wendy, and you to be Peter Pan.
You could visit me in the darkest of nights,
We could whisper our deepest of secrets,
I could give you a kiss,
And you could take me to Neverland.