Hey guys, it’s Admin M here! I left the blog a little over a year ago because I lost all inspiration to write, but I felt the need to come back and write again so here I am! I wanted to make this scenario really nice so I spent some time on it and I hope you all enjoy and I’m so glad to be back!
The past couple of years had been an emotional roller coaster for you. Your parents had gotten divorced and with that you had to go through all the legality issues with who would get custody. Since you were old enough, you opted to go live with your dad, seeing as you two got a long much better than you and your mom. The next few years were hard, but your dad managed to find himself a new wife, bringing along 3 new step-siblings. The house was now crowded to say the least. You now had an older step-sister, Rebecca, an older step-brother, Jackson, and a younger step-brother named Junior. It was difficult to get used to at first and getting along with your new siblings was no easy task, except Jackson. He was a lively spirit and was able to joke around with you like he had known you for years. You were both in college, him a year ahead, so you often gave each other rides to classes so you wouldn’t have to waste gas. During these rides you and him were able to talk without having to worry about interruptions.
Your love was a secret. A love shadowed by his fake relationship with a fellow idol in order to protect his career and fame. You thought that loving him was enough, but when insecurities finally find its way out, you couldn’t endure the pain any longer. Maybe, it was better for both of you to be apart after all.
//OHMYGOD GUYS IT’S HERE SGJKRGTEHJLTE Sorry it took so long, i’ve been busy for an upcoming dance recital sooo… BTW I WAS NOT EXPECTING SO MUCH FEEDBACK ON THIS STORY AND I THANK YOU SO MUCH AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS PART MWA MWA. Btw this will only be 3 chapters long so I hope you look forward to it^^//
Taehyung was a mess. The moment he exited the apartment that had become his home for the whole year, he felt like his heart was ripped out.
Had he really lost you in that argument? Was everything really over between the two of you?
He could barely stand the thought. He loved you and his career too much, which was exactly why this relationship you two had was toxic. He feared this day, and had spent sleepless nights thinking about the possibility of losing you, of the day he finally had to choose, and now it was finally happening.
Silent tears fell down his face as he walked his way to the dorm. He wanted to scream, and thrash around. He wanted to wreck havoc to every single person who was happy, he was selfish in his own way, but he knew that even if he did that, you wouldn’t be back in his arms. To add to all that, he knew he was at fault. He should’ve considered your feelings before he acted, he should’ve asked you if everything was okay, he should’ve placed himself in your shoes and think about his actions carefully, but it was too late to do all that.
All he could do was cry like a fool.
When he arrived at the dorm, all eyes were on him and his wrecked form. His once was fresh face was now filled with tear stains and his eyes were red and puffy. The members looked at him in a mixture of sympathy and confusion as he walked up to the room he shared with Hoseok and Jimin, having a clear idea in the back of their heads on the reason behind his state.
Taehyung slammed the door behind him, and the moment he took in the emptiness of the room, he broke down. He screamed, grabbing the object nearest to him, which happened to be a bottle, and threw it violently to the opposite wall, watching it shatter to pieces in a loud crash. The tears were back in full force, and his memories of you were starting to resurface, as if begging him to just run back to you and beg for you to stay. It was taunting him, so he let out another desperate scream as he proceeded to throw strong punches on the nearest wall, ignoring the pain on his knuckles.
Every punch, he cried out your name.
Every punch, he relieved his memories of what you two had.
Every punch, he thought of any way he could’ve saved the relationship.
And every punch, he was met with nothing.
He slammed his head on the wall, biting his bottom lip so hard, he tasted blood. His brows knit together in agony, still continuing to throw punches on the wall, letting out pitiful whimpers that nobody thought he could ever create.
“Don’t leave– Y/N– I love you… please..” He choke out with every painful punch. Harsh sobs and desperate words were now leaving his mouth, and energy was starting to leave him. Soon enough, he was falling down to his knees, bawling his eyes out. His knuckles bled from the forces of the punches, but it was only washed away by the tears that fell like raindrops into his hands and floor.
He needed you so badly it hurts.
He remembered the way you had looked the moment you voiced out your insecurities. He remembered how you looked as you cried out to him, begging him to choose. He remembered how you had pointed out all the negative traits you possessed.
He remembered how fucking beautiful you were, even after all that.
“Holy fuck Taehyung” Namjoon cursed out, when he found Taehyung on the floor, with bleeding hands. He quickly ran to Taehyung’s hunched form and took his hands gently, but Taehyung screamed profusely and shoved Namjoon away from him.
“Leave me the fuck alone! I don’t need your help hyung!” Taehyung cried out, holding out his trembling hands in a weak attempt to keep Namjoon away. Namjoon’s jaw only tightened, as he watched his younger member’s wrecked form. He was never in favor with your secret relationship, but when he saw the way Taehyung looked at you, he couldn’t voice out his disagreement.
But now, now was the time for him to finally speak up.
Namjoon took a deep breath, slightly wincing at Taehyung’s sniffles.
“Taehyung… I know you don’t want to hear this, but I honestly think this is for the best—” Taehyung’s eyes snapped shut.
“No! No! No!.. It’s all my fault… It’s all my fault… I shouldn’t have let her go… I should’ve chosen her— I shouldve—” Taehyung screamed in denial, gripping his hair tightly and pulling harshly. Loud sobs echoed around the room, combined with Taehyung’s heavy breathing. Namjoon bit his lip and grabbed Taehyung’s shoulders, ignoring his thrashes and screams of protest, and shook him violently.
“Taehyung! Listen to me! Are you willing to give up your dreams for her? Are you willing to give up all your hard work to be with her?” Taehyung looked at Namjoon, gripping his forearms tightly.
“I-I don’t k-know.. Maybe I could c-convince her to just s-stay with me! I’m sure we could w-work it o-out… I’m sure…” He choked out, not convincing even himself. Namjoon softened.
“You know you can’t Taehyung.. That’s exactly why you two had to end.”
Taehyung couldn’t answer. He knew that Namjoon was right. There was no way to stitch back the now shattered relationship, and Taehyung can’t destroy his career and include the other members’ too.
He had to accept.
He had to accept that you were gone.
But could he really?
He hung his head and bit back the screams that threatened to break out, as Namjoon rubbed his back soothingly. The girl he loved so much, it was time for him to let you go. It was time for him to move on and continue following his dreams, and if he was lucky enough, find someone who could support him and make him feel the things you made him feel. Although, in the back of his mind, he knew that was never possible, for you had left a permanent mark on his heart without even knowing you did.
His eyes locked into a framed picture of you and him, perched up neatly beside his bunk bed, and he felt a small tug on his heart.
A lone tear fell down his cheek as he muttered the words he never got to tell you before he lost you.
“I’m sorry Y/N… I love you.”
Three weeks had gone, and you were nowhere near moving on.
Everything you see and everywhere you go, made you remember him. The park made you remember the first time you two had met, a dog made you remember the time when he introduced you to his dog Soonshim, seeing your friend made you remember the times when she caught you two making out on the couch, and if that wasn’t bad enough, seeing a packet of ketchup made you remember the color of his damned hair.
You couldn’t move on, no matter what you did, and it killed you slowly, which made you approach your final resort: alcohol.
The first time you drank ever since the break up, you had bawled your eyes out. Letting out every frustration and sorrow you had by screaming and crying out at the seemingly confused bartender, you were attracting attention, too much attention, which caused the bouncers to forcefully drag you out of the club. Although a mess, you still managed to walk back to your house, stopping every five minutes to vomit on the sidewalk, tears were falling down your face, but for some reason, you were filled with a sudden surge of glee.
Giggles left your mouth all throughout the walk home, and to be honest it felt good. People looked at you funny, but you just ignored them and made most of the feeling of freedom and numbness. For that whole night you didn’t have a single thought about Taehyung, and you felt content. Although the next morning, thoughts about him returned again.
Since then, visiting the club at least twice a week became a hobby, even with your very low alcohol tolerance. This gave you a whole night without thoughts of him, and it helped you in some way.
Dressing in clothes that cover up almost your whole body, you entered the club, with loud house music blaring over the large speakers. You only came here to drink, not to get grinded up by random greasy stranger. You squeeze past sticky bodies and slapped bold hands who attempted to touch you, walking to your usual spot and greeting the bartender to whom you had become friends with.
“The usual please” You said, and the bartender, Hanbin, offered you a kind smile, nodding. He carefully slid your drink in front of you.
“Still not over your ‘boyfriend-who-left-you-for-his-career’?” Hanbin joked, leaning on the counter and observing you. You almost choked on your drink at his bold question. You glared at him and punched his shoulder playfully. He chuckled.
“Shut up Kim Hanbin” You yelled over the loudspeaker, taking a whisk of your drink and wincing at the burn. You frowned, resting your chin on your palm, you traced your finger on the glass absentmindedly.
Taehyung’s face popped in your mind. You bit your lip and took another big gulp of the alcohol, making your head spin. You slammed the glass back down and you dragged out a long exhausted sigh.
“How long was it since you last saw him? If you don’t mind me asking” Hanbin asked, and your eyes fluttered up to meet his. Your features softened at the mention of him, and Hanbin could tell that you were definitely head over heels for whoever this guy was.
“Three weeks… Three weeks and I still can’t forget the way his eyes shines whenever he talks about his favorite artist” You answered, groaning. A memory of him talking about one of his favorite groups, Bigbang, flashed behind your eyelids and you had to shake your head to make it disappear, taking another sip on your drink. It was crazy really. It was crazy how much you love him.
Hanbin hummed in understanding, watching the way your lips pressed into a tight line when you thought about Taehyung, and he wondered just how great this person was to be able to make such a strong willed girl like you, break apart.
“Alcohol won’t make you forget you know” he said, licking his lips. You raised a brow at his statement.
“Do you have any idea what can?” You inquired blankly, not really expecting anything special. Hanbin shrugged, refilling your glass as he answered you.
“I don’t think anything will help someone completely forget. Although my friends had told me that the best way to move on was to find someone new” You remained silent at what he said, thinking about what it would be like, and felt yourself turn solemn. Although the idea quite appealed to you, you couldn’t form an image of you being with a man other than Taehyung. It tugged on your heart somewhat painfully and you blame it on the short span of time that you were apart. It was definitely too early for you to get a new boyfriend, and plus, you weren’t ready to throw away everything you had with Taehyung just yet.
So you just shrugged at Hanbin, who looked at you knowingly.
“Well, of course it’s too early for you to do that, but you can give me a call if your ready. I knew a few decent men.” He said while giving you a thumbs up. You rolled your eyes at him playfully but nodded nonetheless. That would actually be a great help to you, if you wanted to get over Taehyung completely.
But even so, you could hear your heart scream in disagreement at a far, far distance.
It has been four weeks since Taehyung last saw you.
Although he looked like the same old Taehyung through the large cameras, the other members worried for him and his emotional state. Ever since the break up, he has been too silent for his own good when the cameras weren’t around. His dorky smiles that used to be able to light up anybody’s mood, was now forced and fake and it won’t be too long before the media finally notices.
It was right after their fan meeting at Jeju, that they finally decided to confront the said idol.
“Taehyung, will you please get yourself together? It’s been four weeks Tae, four weeks.” Jin huffed out at a spacing out Taehyung. Yoongi nodded in agreement.
“Jin is right Taehyung. We get that the break up with Y/N affected you a lot but you have to think about our fans too. Did you see how hurt they were when you spaced out while talking to them?” He said, and Taehyung’s jaw clenched in both guilt and frustration. He knew that he had to focus, but during the fan meeting, his eyes would unconsciously scan the large mass of women, trying to look for the familiar color of your eyes. Seeing female fans made him remember you, and he almost went crazy.
Seeing his best friend’s messed up state, Jimin gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder.
“Everything will be alright Taehyungie” he comforted, giving Taehyung a small smile. Taehyung gave a tight lipped smile and stood up abruptly.
“I’m going to buy something at the convenience store” he announced, picking up his coat and leaving the dorm. He took a deep breath, shivering as the cold wind brushed his face. He remembered the way your fingers traced his cheeks, and he closed his eyes in a failed attempt to forget you.
He walked down the street to the convenience store, head hung down in deep thought. Jin and Yoongi were right, he needed to get his crap together. He needed to focus on his work, especially when they were preparing for a big comeback next month. He couldn’t get distracted at such a crucial time.
His eyes roamed the still busy streets, pulling his mask up higher to avoid attracting fans. A smile tugged at the corner at his mouth when he saw children running around with their parents trying very hard to catch up, but it was as if the world didn’t want him to feel anything pleasant.
His smile was quickly wiped away, when his eyes fixated on a familiar woman inside a small coffee shop at the other side of the road, together with a man he never met before.
He felt his world crumble, as he whispered your name.
DeanXreader Request: Dean gets jealous when he finds out I'm going on a date? Request: Hey will you write a one shot where the reader and Dean have an arguement and the reader storms off crying but then she and Dean make up? (Fluffy!) Request: :3 hiya! I love your DeanXreader fics, so can I request one where the reader falls asleep on Dean. -lots of fluff please-
Pairings: DeanXreader Word count: 3304 A/N: So I mashed three requests up, and I hope none of you guys mind… If you do, just resend the requests and I’ll do them alone… But yeah, I'm sorry I haven’t uploaded in a while, so I made this one longer to try and make up for it? I saw other blogs setting their oneshots out like this, so I thought I’d give it a go, any thoughts/opinions are welcome! Or just a chat if you want? My ask is open! Thanks guys ily all!
The music blared out of your speakers in the bathroom, undoubtedly echoing through the bunker and annoying the hell out of the boys, but you didn’t care.
You were in a good mood as you sang along and danced around, getting ready for your date.
You’d finally met a nice guy in town, and he had asked you to go and watch a movie with him.
You had agreed, only if it was a horror film. They never failed to make you laugh after the terrors ypu had to deal with on a regular basis.
The guy, Rhys, had given you a strange look but then grinned and agreed.
He probably thought that you were looking gor an excuse to snuggle, but if he wanted a girl who was scared of horror films, he had the wrong one.
You finished doing your hair and pulled on a light blue 50s style dress, and some heels.
When you were done, you twirled around and grabbed your purse, applying your make up and then opening the bathroom door.
You almost got smacked in the face by Dean who was about to pound on the door, but he stopped himself in time.
You grinned at him and scooted out of his way, pressing stop on your ipod but continuing to dance and sing down the hall to your room.
Dean stared after you, open mouthed and in complete awe of how hot you looked.
Immediately he followed after you and leant on your bedroom foor frame, watching you dance with a bemused look on his face.
You didn’t even care that he was watching you, ans you simply ignored him as you sprayed perfume on your neck and wrists.
“Whats got you in such a good mood?” He asked, smiling at you, loving seeing you this happy.
You smiled back and twirled around, dropping into a low bow as you answered.
“I have a date,” you explained and then looked up.
Dean had frozen, a look of confusion on his face momentarily before his beautiful smile morphed into a frown. This had a knock on effect to you, and you stopped dancing and looked at him.
Without answering, he turned and walked away from you, trying desperately hard to keep his mouth shut.
You chased after him and grabbed his arm, spinning him round to look at you.
“ What, Dean? What is your problem?” You demanded, heart broken that Dean wasn’t happy that you had a chance to be happy.
Dean wanted you to be happy, but not with some ass who didn’t deserve you. A thought which he repeated out loud to you.
As soon as he spoke you felt your anger rise.
“ How would you know if he’s an ass or not? You’ve never even met him!”
Dean rolled his eyes at you and waved you off, starting back to the library with you hot on his tail.
“Oh please Y/N! I saw you at the mall the other day, making puppy love eyes at lover boy behind the deli counter. That’s who you’re going with?” He asked and you cringed.
You’d hoped that Dean hadn’t seen that, but clearly he had. You didn’t know why he cared though. He clearly didn’t have an issue with people dating as Sam had had a girlfriend and Dean always used to spend the night out with girls.
He surely couldn’t think that you were going to spill the big secret to the guy on the first date…
Crossing your arms, you met Deans fierce glare, much closer to eye level with your heels on.
“Yeah it is! His names Rhys, and he’s not an ass! He’s great, and nice, and polite, and he actually treats me like a girl! He holds doors open for me and compliments me on my appearance! Okay?! Hes nice Dean, and I actually have a chance of being happy here! Why can’t you just be happy for me?” You demanded, tears welling up in your eyes.
You weren’t sad though, you were angry.
You couldn’t remember how long you spent flirting with Dean, waiting for him to take the next step and grow a pair, but he never did. You’d always pictured yourself with Dean, but he wasn’t interested. You’d hinted at him, but it had become apparent to you that Dean didn’t want your relationship to be anything other than friendly.
So you’d moved on.
But now that you might finally have found someone else, Dean wasn’t happy.
Dean saw the tears in your eyes and it destroyed him that he had caused them, but your question bounced around in his head.
Why couldn’t he just be happy for you?
He knew the answer. He almost said it, but he clenched his teeth together to stop it.
He couldn’t be happy for you if you weren’t happy with him. There was jo dpubt in Deans mind that you were the one he wanted to spend the rest pf his life with, however long that would be. But recently, you’d been becoming more distant from him, and now finally the inevitable had happened. Some other guy had seen your light and decided he wanted a piece.
Dean knew that the Deli guy only wanted one thing from you, and he clenched his fists in hatred at the thought of another man holding you, kissing you… anything.
Dean rolled his eyes and yelled back at you.
“HE DOESNT DESERVE YOU! He wants one thing, Y/N! You know that!” Now it was your turn to roll your eyes at him.
“What, like you do? You’re good at bringing girls home for that same thing! So don’t be such a hypocrite!” You snapped, noticing that Sammy was sat in the corner of the room, trying to look as small as a moose in a library can.
Deans face was red with anger, bursting to yell at you that he’d stopping bringing girls home months ago, because of you. He didn’t want any girl unless it was you. He didn’t even notice other girls anymore, much to their dismay. But instead he had to cover it up. This date of yours proved that you didn’t feel the same way.
“Fine, Y/N, go with him! Enjoy your night, but don’t bring him anywhere near me, because I ain’t gonna play nice with him just coz he’s your boyfriend. And don’t come running to me when it ends in tears!”
You were shaking with anger now, your earlier mood completely changed.
You gave Dean one final word before stalking from the bunker.
Outside you waited for Rhys, shivering in the cold, remembering how Dean used to drape his too big leather jackets over your shoulders. He’d do it without thinking when you first met, even though you’d sometimes make him take it back so that he wouldn’t get cold either.
When that’d happen, you’d always wanted to just hold him close and pretend it was for the warmth.
You just wished that Dean had returned your feelings. It hurt you to even think about him with another girl.
Luckily a car horn pipped and you were momentarily blinded by headlights, so you didn’t have time to think about Dean with another girl.
Rhys jumped out of his car and jogged towards you, his hands stuffed in his pockets to hide from the cold.
He grinned when he saw you and you gave him a small smile back.
He put a hand on the small of your back and led you to his car.
“You shouldve waited inside. It’d be warmer, and then I could’ve met your brothers,” he said, but you shook your head.
“Not brothers. Friends. And they’re busy, so maybe another time,” you answered, thinking about how Dean would react if you went in. But Sammy would want to meet him, and you know he’d be upset if you went without an introduction.
Sighing, you stopped walking and took Rhys’s hand, pulling him towards the bunker door, praying that Dean was in the shower so that you wouldn’t have to deal with him.
You pushed the door open and led Rhys in, making a bee line for the library.
Ypu opened the door and walked in, three pairs of eyes turning to you.
Apparently the king of hell had dropped in for a visit, and he, Sam and Dean were all looking at something on the table. Some kind of weapon.
Rhys had already spotted it, so there was no point in making it look worse than it was. Choosing to act natural, you turned to Rhys and pointed out the guys.
“Guys, this is my date… Rhys… and Rhys, this is Sam…”
Sam immediately stood up and shook his hand, smiling a little to try and lighten the mood.
Dean had crossed his arms over his chest and was now giving Rhys the death glare from where he leaned against a book shelf.
You gestured to him anyway.
“This is Dean… And this is my uncle Crowley,” you thought quickly, trying to make this less weird than it could be.
Crowley smirked and tipped his imaginary hat.
“The pleasure is all yours,” he spoke to Rhys.
Crowley probably found it amusing that you’d pretended he was your uncle, but you knew he’d play along. The king of hell liked playing a part.
Rhys shook Crowleys hand, and then offered it to Dean, but Dean just continued glaring at him, not even glancing at his hand.
Rhys got the idea eventually and looked away, his gaze settling on the weapons in the room.
Before he could ask, you blurted out an explanation.
“Uncle Crowley is a weapons professor in England. He’s just visiting with some now…”
Rhys nodded and then looked at his watch.
You got the idea and said goodbye to everyone and headed out of the door, hand in hand with your date.
Dean watched you go, willing himself to stay where he was, because if he followed you now, he’d probably tear deli boys head off.
He’d seen how his eyes had wondered when you weren’t looking, and the hungry look in his eyes.
Rhys had looked at you like you were a piece of meat, not the princess you shouldve been in his eyes.
Dean realised Sammy and Crowley were watching him and so he growled and sat down, trying to research Crowleys problem.
After half an hour of staring at the same passage, Dean slammed the book shut and shoved it away hard enough that it toppled over the other side of the table.
Sam looked up from his book and sighed.
“She’s fine, Dean. Stop thinking about it.”
But he couldn’t. Dean did not like the look of that guy, one little bit. It wasn’t just his jealousy talking, he felt it in his gut.
His chest felt tight thinking about how you were alone with the guy, and Dean leant back and covered his eyes with his hands, worrying about you.
Even Crowley felt like he had to reassure Dean.
“She’s a capable girl, Squirrel. I’d be more worried about what she’d do to him when he tries something,” he yawned, not particularly interested in you or what happens to you. He found the Winchesters love lives too amusing though. They lost everyone they loved. It really warmed his heart thinking about it.
Dean quickly stood up, fighting around the ache in his chest so he could speak.
“I swear to whatevers holy in this world… If he hurts her…”
He couldn’t even say the things outloud that he would do to him.
Crowley smirked and then disappeared, knowing how the Winchester squirrel was likely to react when you got home and explained what had happened.
Crowley already knew, which was why he had left the blast radius.
Dean couldn’t stand it any more. He grabbed the impala keys and his jacket and headed for the door.
Sam jumped up to stop him, and eventually calmed his older brother down enough that he could go to bed without worrying about Dean ripping the poor kids head off.
If you’d known about that, you would’ve wished that Sam had let Dean go. You’d have helped him with the douchebag.
But Dean didn’t come to your rescue, and you’d had to rescue yourself.
Your only regret was that once you’d escaped from the car, you’d took off running, no jacket, and no car.
It was a freezing cold night and it was eerie walking through the woods to the bunker, hunter or not.
You checked your phone, but you knew that you wouldn’t have service out there, so you couldn’t even call Sammy to come and get you.
You wouldn’t call Dean.
It was bad enough that he’d been right about Rhys, but he’d also told you not to go running to him if it ended badly. He wouldn’t have any sympathy for you, and you knew it.
The adrenaline had worn off now, and finally the tears started.
You wished that you’d listened to Dean… You wished that you didn’t argue… But most of all you just wished that he loved you back.
Everytime Rhys had touched you or kissed you, you couldn’t help but wish it was Dean.
You knew Dean wouldn’t have done what Rhys did when you told him to stop.
You could still feel where his hands had dug into your arms, holding you against the car door.
He had messed with the wrong girl. Your hunter instincts had kicked in and Rhys was on the ground before he even knew what was happening.
The bunker finally came into view and you let out a relieved sob, running the last stretch home.
You opened the door and went inside, kicking your shoes off and leaning against the door, trying to regain your composure.
The tears wouldn’t stop though, and so you just quietened your breath, heading for the kitchen to get a glass of water before you went to bed.
The boys would undoubtedly already be asleep, and so in the morning you could pretend that this never happened.
Yeah, you should be so lucky.
As soon as you tried to walk though the living room, a pair of emerald green eyes found yours.
You froze like a deer in headlights, and waited for Dean to say something.
He went to speak but then he saw the tears on your face and the way you shook.
Your earlier arguement forgotten, he leapt over the back of the sofa and crossed the room as fast as he could, gently taking your arms.
“ What is it, Y/N? Whats the matter? Are you hurt? Did he?..”
Dean suddenly went still, a dark look taking over his face.
“What did that sonofabitch do? Y/N did he hurt you?”
You shook your head and then leant forward, resting your head on Deans shoulder.
He didn’t hesitate before wrapping his arms around you and burying his face in your hair, whispering soothing words.
He could feel you tremble in his arms, and Dean felt powerless. He knew that you were lying. That guy had done something to you, but Dean was willing to give you time to explain before he went and skinned the bastard.
He led you towards the sofa and you sat down next to Dean, still holding onto him and hiding your face in his shirt.
He stroked your hair and waited for you to calm down.
It was easier now that you were in his arms and he was looking after you. You felt like you could tell him what had happened, even though you knew that it would piss him off.
As you spoke, you felt him tense up next to you and swear under his breath.
When you were done, you felt that you had to let Dean process everything before you stopped him from going out and finding Rhys.
Strangely Dean stayed quiet though, at least until he cupped your cheek and made you look at him.
In the semi dark room, you could see that the anger in his eyes was outweighed by his concern for you.
Dean wanted to get up and break the sonofabitchs face, but he knew that you didn’t want to be alone yet, and so he would be happy knowing that you kicked Rhys’s ass.
He realised that you were still looking at him, and suddenly he was aware how close you were. It would be so easy for him to lean forward and let his kiss tell you everything he had wanted to for the last few months.
His mind made up, Dean closed the distance between you and gently kissed you, letting go of your face so that you could pull back if you wanted to.
Dean was surprised when he felt you bring your arms up and hold on to him as you leaned more into the kiss.
Dean had only beat you by a heartbeat. You’d just decided to kiss him when he moved closer.
His lips were soft and warm against yours, his slight stubble brushing against your face.
He brought his hand back up to stroke your face and felt the tears that hadn’t dried yet.
He pulled back as he remembered, resting his forehead against yours and looked deep into your eyes.
“Do you want me to go and find him?” He whispered and you felt your blood go cold as you shook your head lightly, pulling Deans mouth back to yours.
He probably would sort him out, but Dean wouldn’t look for Rhys, he’d just wait until they crossed paths.
You weren’t even thinking about him though, you were finally kissing Dean, and you knew that he liked you back.
A sudden wave of bravery took over you then and you pulled back and confessed to Dean what you’d known for months.
“I love you, Dean Winchester.”
Dean froze and then slowly pulled his hand back from your face, only to pick up your hand.
“I wish you hadn’t said that…”
You pulled back like you’d been stung, but before you could run, Dean grabbed your hips and held you in place, talking quickly.
“Thats not what I mean! I love you too!”
You stopped trying to escape and looked at him, waiting for him to continue.
He took a deep breath and then spoke.
“Its just… This family is cursed… If you love a Winchester, your life expectancy seems to go down… and I don’t want anything to happen to you,” he whispered.
You rolled your eyes and took his hand.
“Dean, do you really think that anything could happen to me? I live with the two best hunters in the states, my best friend is an angel, and I’m on talking terms with the king of hell… I think I’m pretty safe,” you reassured him, leaving him no room to argue as you moved closer and kissed him again.
When you pulled back he laughed at you and then sat back, turning the TV on as you rested your head on his chest and slowly drifted off to sleep, a grin plastered on your face.
She turns her head in the grass to gaze at him, her beacon of safety, as he follows the dog and throws the stick she brings to him. They stay out for awhile, and he talks to her but she doesnt talk back much. But thats okay, and she likes his voice and she likes that he tells her every part of his day, how his nan has got into this habit of repeating herself three times over, and how his dads forehead is wrinkled but they smoothen when they watch him play football, when he scores a goal and his teammates gather around him, slapping his back and hugging him tight.
“Im gonna hang out with the lads later, maybe get a pizza and go to down to the beach? Wanna come?”
Hes not all to sure why hes asked, when he knows shes going to say no. it doesnt stop the fact that he wants her there, that he feels some sort of relief when shes with him. Like hes got an itch only she can scratch.
“No, i was thinking id go home and study-”
He scoffs, not unkindly, “we both know that youre gonna go home, and youre gonna go to your room and listen to your sad playlist,”
She doesnt answer, but stands up, brushing grass off her legs and bum, and he follows, whistling until her dog bounds over and lets him reattach her lead to the collar. She opens her mouth to say something, say maybe she’ll come down for a little while, when his phone rings. It sets her teeth on edge, the consistent buzzing as he scrabbles in his pockets. He smiles at whoever it is, sliding his finger to accept.
“Hey, i was gonna call you, what time d’you want me to pick you up?-”
She zoned out, as he chatted to ashton, and she shouldve said she’d go with them. She loves the beach, and she hasnt seen the others in awhile. Its too late now though, and she bites on her tongue, brings her fingers up to pick at the skin on her lips that’re cracked. She doesnt stop until he pulls her hand away gently, and she can taste blood on her tongue.
Its when she wakes up on the morning of an exam, and she can feel how unsettled her stomach is and she cares little for how she looks, washing her face and brushing her teeth and pulling her frizzy, unwashed and unstyled hair into a high ponytail so it stays out of her face, even though shed prefer nothing more than to hide herself behind it.
She doesnt eat, just has a cup of tea and some tablets her mum suggested, a natural remedy for stress and nerves. She doubts itll make any difference, but she takes three instead of the recommended two. Her parents wish her luck, her mum kisses a cheek and her dad ruffles her hair with an encouraging smile before they have to leave for work. She knows shes worrying them, and it makes her feel shit knowing that theyll be worried about her while trying to focus on work. She feels like a burden that way.
She walks to college, putting her headphones in and taking a breath of fresh air to help clear her head. Shes not prepared for this exam, not really, despite the hours shes spent staring at her key cards and attempting to memorise case studies and researchers. He meets her by the shop half way, and she feels selfish that it reassures her that his hair’s a mess too, and his eyes puffy from lack of sleep.
“Why did we pick psychology?” he groans as soon as shes in hearing distance, “why on earth did we think thatd be a good idea?”
“You love psych,” she points out and he grumbles before taking her hand and readjusting his backpack on his left shoulder. He never wears it so it sits on both shoulders, even though she tells him thats it comfier that way.
They talk about the summer as they climb up the concrete hill, because its the only thing thats keeping them both going. Because once summer hits, theyre free. And she knows that people always say their school years were the best days of their life, but she disagrees. And if thats true, then shes doubts she wants to see what the rest of life is like.
Its when she has to wait, while an old lady with the wrong shade of lipstick tells them the rules of exams; as if they havent been sitting them since they were eleven,
“No talking…write in black ink…anyone that doesnt hand in their phone could face disqualification-”
Its when they call out her name, and she has to swallow and walk forward, hand in her phone and ipod before finding her seat in the sea of chairs. They all face forward, at the teasing, daunting clock on the wall, in a blank room with only the windows for company. But even they only offer the sight overseeing the scaffolds of new houses.
Its when theyre told they should start, and the room is suddenly full of papers being turned over. The room is thick, and she can almost taste the tension as eyes scan over the first question.
Its goes okay for a while, but every time a chair accidentally scrapes against the floor, or someone sneezes, she jumps and the sound of scratching pens on paper, and the ticking of the clock is all she can hear. She thinks theyre two of the worst sounds.
She reaches towards the end of the paper, turns to the page to be greeted by a 24 mark essay with four pages left blank for her to fill. She’s sweating, and she rubs her neck and blinks her eyes clear, before chancing a glance at the people around her. Theyre all writing, heads bent low and wrists moving so quickly compared to hers. She doesnt have a clue how to start, and she wants to scream because fuck she revised Bowlbys theory the other day, she’d went over it a dozen times but now her heads blank and filled with voices that she wants to suffocate.
They were told at the start, that once it reached the last half hour, they could leave if they had finished. She eyes the clock until it hit half ten, and scans over her paper again. Shes answered every question, and she tried to write in a way that makes it sound like she knows what shes talking about, and she cant do much more than that. She closes her paper and stands up. She wants to get out of this room, and out of this environment before she throws up.
She doesnt wait for him, because she knows he’ll stay until the end. So she grabs her phone, ipod and bag, swinging it over her shoulder before bolting out the door. One of her lecturers stops her, and gives her a sad look but she shrugs with a watery smile and walks home as fast as her tired body will let her.
Noones home again, and she doesnt know if thats a good or a bad thing. Her dog skids through the kitchen to greet her, as she kicks off her shoes and goes back to her room to collapse on her bed, wishing shed never left it in the first place. Her phone goes, and its her dad, asking if it went okay. But she doesnt have the heart to text back and disappoint him further.
She eyes the bottle sat on her bookcase. Theres still just over half a bottle of vodka left. She debates, for a second or two, before making a grab for it and taking a swig. She chases down the vile burn with some juice, shaking her head and sticking her tongue out in distaste - before she takes another. She takes two more. She already feels better, lighter, giddier, because she’s a complete lightweight that hasnt eaten yet today, making those four consistent shots she’d swallowed feel worth the burn.
She puts on music, ‘soundcheck’ playing as loud as her laptop will let her, but it still doesnt feel loud enough because there are still voices in her head. She tries to sing over them, but they talk louder, and theyre goading. She grabs the bottle and pours more down her throat.
Her phone goes off again, and its one of her classmates.
[From luke - 11:20]
How did u find it?X
[To luke - 11:21]
Couldve been better, couldve been worse. u?X
She doesnt wait to hear what he says, and she starts pacing. She shouldnt be alone right now. But she doesnt want to be with people either, and shes constantly torn between the two because she cant find the right balance. She has another shot, and shes wobbly on her legs now because shes drinking too quick and she gets drunk too easily. But the voices are numb now, quiet, desperate echos in the chaos of her mind.
She lets herself stumble down the stairs, giggling when she nearly trips, and heads to the backdoor, calling for her dog who runs eagerly. She wonders how her dog can love her the way she does. she lets her into the garden, and then climbs onto one of the kitchen counters. Shes unstable and shes still laughing, as she searches along the top of the cupboards until her hands find an open pack of cigarettes. She doesnt like to smoke, not really. And she swore it was just a social thing, a thing people do when theyre out and with friends and drinking. But she isnt out and she isnt with friends and shes pulling one out and perching it on her waiting lips. She doesnt smoke much, so when she breathes in the thick, toxic air of it, her head feels dizzy from the nicotine rush. Combine that with the alcohol and she feels far away. She wants to always feel far away. After shes smoked the one, she smokes another. And her heads foggy and she wonders what other self destructing things she could do.
Alex has once again found herself victim to yet another stuck up brat and before she can deal with him, someone else steals her attention.
“Chin up and get back out there.” Is all that Alex’s boss tells her when she runs into the kitchen with a handful of soiled washcloths and a stained apron.
Working for her best friend’s country club is tiring but it has it’s fair share of good moments, in between the hidden threats and neighborly gossip. She’s met a lot of great people, like her sister’s fiance, Ryan, who smirks at her as he tosses a new apron her way, “They’re a bunch of snot-nosed pricks, don’t let them get under your skin.”