i spent like 8 or 9 months on it

1. Deciding to move on is such a liberating moment; I’m free, I’m free, I’m free.

2. I wish I could say I’m sorry, but not half as much as I wish you would.

3. Lie to me softly; tell me we were magic.

4. It’s all starting to hurt a little less.

5. I never told you what I wanted, so scared of the consequences. I’m not that same girl; I’m trying to be brave.

6. When you asked me if I was in love with you, maybe I should have said yes instead of shrugging you away with my indifference.

7. Maybe I should have fought harder for you, made a battle out of it all. I was an hourglass and chances slipped through my fingers.

8. I don’t want to fee like I’m drowning anymore.

9. I’ve spent the last six months a sleep walker, and now it’s time to wake.

10. You are no longer my own personal ghost.

11. I feel complete.

—  Emily Palermo, i.

When I was 8 years old my friend told me what the word lesbian meant, inside I was like “hm, that sounds a lot like me, but it can not be because l like guys, I’m going to date guys, I’m going to fall in love with a guy and marry him.
I then spent the next 8 years hiding my sexuality, still in denial of it myself. I had friends who said I was most likely to be gay out of the friend group, me being me I was like “what no, I am straight, I support gays, but that’s not me”
In year 9 (8th grade) I dated two guys. The first relationship lasted two weeks, but I felt like I had to care. The second one lasted two months I broke up with him because of the rumours that he was “asking girls to go in to the bathrooms with him” totally not because I didn’t like men. Totally not.
This is when I began to accept that I wasn’t straight. I identified as a Panromantic asexual. Because I wasn’t sexually attracted to men , ,, and definitely not to women , no way.
It took me a few months to realise that it was wrong, and here we are today. Me still (mostly) closeted, hahah because there’s no way ahahah that I’m a lesbian.