i spent a really long time on this...... more than i should have.........

6

I had promised a KiriBaku kid something like months ago, and tbh most of the reason why it took me this long is because I couldn’t pick between these two so?? In the end just have them both I guess - some info about them under cut, in case you wanna know more!!

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It’s time for another Hiveswap development team interview!

Hey there, Hiveswap and Homestuck fans! Ash here once again, and as promised, it’s time for another interview with the talented folks on Hiveswap’s development team! And don’t worry – if you missed the first interview, with our environment art director Rah, you can find it right here!

Who’s in the hot seat today? Why, it’s Adrienne, our lead animator! She can tell you far more about her work on the project than I ever could, so without further ado, I’m going to hand things off to her – after reminding you all to take good, long looks at the wonderful examples of her work peppered throughout this interview. Take it away, Adrienne!

Introduce yourself to the fans! What is your specific role on the Hiveswap team?

Hiya! My name’s Adrienne and I’m the lead animator for Hiveswap. I work together with Angela, the animation director, on roughs, cleanup, background and cutscene animation – anything that moves!

When and how did you get your start on the Hiveswap project?

I was hired full-time in January 2016, but I started doing some sprite conceptualization in late 2015 in tandem with [S]:Collide work (I animated sprites for the main big bads and did thumbnails for some of the sequences).

Tell us a little bit about your career background! How did you get your start in animation? Do you have any advice for others looking to enter this field?

Homestuck is basically my career background, ahaha.

I drew a lot of fan art for Homestuck after I finished catching up in late 2012. I got some attention from my work and I was asked to do comic pages for Paradox Space. Then I did work for the Homestuck calendar. Then I just became more involved in the comic after that by doing thumbnails, sprite animation, comic pages, snapchats… and now I’m working on the game… it’s been a wild ride from fan to full-time fan.

But as for how I got started in animation, a lot of it was influenced by anime and then DeviantArt while I was growing up. I grew up with Naruto and loved Norio Matsumoto’s work in it (he did the key animation for the best episodes!). And on DeviantArt, I liked following OCTs (Original Character Tournaments) and was particularly inspired by Unknown-Person’s work.

My general advice would be to value learning and exploration, and have less expectations of what life should hand you – it makes a lot of circumstances feel like a pleasant surprise and a good opportunity to learn something new. That’s how I felt when I stumbled into this field anyway, haha.

We’re making a video game, so of course the question must be asked: what’s your favorite game of all time, and what games are you playing currently (if any)?

Agh, what a difficult question. My most-played genre is colorful multiplayer shooters like Team Fortress 2, Overwatch, and Splatoon.

I finished Nier: Automata recently and now I’m working through Persona 5. But when I’m not working through that game, I play Breath of the Wild (most of my time is spent riding my horse around Hyrule – it’s very calming).

Are there any games that you currently use or have used as inspiration for your own animation work here on Hiveswap, or just in general?

I generally use Homestuck flash animations as an inspiration for Hiveswap sprite animations.

When I’m working on cutscenes, I look to Professor Layton stuff. I love how they integrated cutscenes with gameplay in that series.

As an animator, you must have some favorite cartoons and/or anime – tell us about them!

My recent favorite is Mob Psycho 100. The raw and rough quality of the animation for that one is my jam and the main cast is really inspiring. Avatar: The Last Airbender is still my top favorite for its epic storytelling and world-building. Naruto always has a special place in my heart since it’s one of the earliest things that inspired me to study animation.

Other big influential works for me were Princess Mononoke and How to Train Your Dragon.

What’s your workstation like? Do you like to listen to any particular kinds of music while you work? If so, tell us about it!

Here’s a picture of my workstation! If you squint at the bottom screen closely, you can see me taking the picture. But anyway… yeah. I am a little embarrassed for people to know how saturated my workstation is with inspirational quotes (there are papers of handwritten motivation on the walls behind me), but that’s just how I deal when the anxiety gets a little rough.

When I want to focus (usually for rough animation and concept art), I pull up an electronic or classical playlist on YouTube (and recently Spotify) or have no music playing at all. But for everything else (cleanup, in-betweens, etc.), I dig into different genres once in awhile but Imagine Dragons and Americana/folk stuff are my go-to. Acoustics sound really nice in these speakers.

Favorite Homestuck character?

Egh, this is impossible… I’m gonna say it’s between Rose, Jade, Roxy, Kanaya, Terezi, and Vriska… um…

Favorite Homestuck ship?

Rose/Kanaya has never once failed me! c: (I think John/Terezi is really funny too.)

Favorite Homestuck flash?

Urgh… I don’t know, there’s so many that I love. In terms of like… cool and creative setup, [S] Cascade probably? [S] GAME OVER is cool too, because everyone died and the stakes just got so much higher. Oh! I just remembered [S] Make her pay as well!

This question is impossible.

(In the above animation timeline, the first frame is held for 4/24 of a second, the second frame for 2/24 of a second, the third for 2/24, and so on.)

Do you have a personal message you’d like to relay to all the Homestuck and Hiveswap fans out there?

Thank you for all your support, and for your patience in making it through the Giga/Mega/Omegapauses intact!

Where can people find more of your work? Link us to your own little corner(s) of the Internet!

If you want to see more of my stuff, my Tumblr is the place to be!

Thank you, Adrienne! Well, folks, I hope you’ve enjoyed this second Hiveswap development team interview – and don’t worry, there are still plenty more to come!

Now that we’ve gotten things rolling, from here on out we’ll be bringing you a new interview every Wednesday, so be sure to check back every week for a new behind-the-scenes look at the development of Hiveswap and the talented people behind it!

See you next time!

Tasty Tryst (M)

Summary: Selling preserves at the local farmers’ market has its distractions when your vendor booth is placed next to the one belonging to the young strawberry farmer who’s been sweet on you for years.

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Smut, Fluff

Word Count: 9,643

Warning: StrawberryFarmer!Taehyung, foodplay, sexual themes, profanity

Series: Working Man Bangtan

A/N: Just in time for strawberry season.

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Just a thought...

So one of the things that I love about this season of Camp Camp, is that while it’s still pretty whimsical and hilarious, it’s shown some real character development in Max and David.

MAX:

Let’s face it, this kid was a die hard troublemaker and a fucking asshole all stuffed inside a tiny ten year old’s body.

Before now, you couldn’t pay him enough to enjoy anything, especially any of David’s crazy camp activities. Hell, he spent a majority of the first season either trying to escape, or trying to figure out how to destroy the camp from the inside. And he got close sometimes, it all could’ve been over when the FBI tried to arrest David for the stuff Max was looking up on his phone. But the small part of him that said what he was doing was going too far made him speak up and exonerate David. And when he thought he had gone to far in his mischievous act that David actually wanted to kill him, he was legitimately afraid and wanted to take back his actions, unlike when he was in the forest with the Quartermaster where it was more likely for him to be murdered and just accepted his fate.

And more importantly, Max was unwilling to accept that people like David existed anymore, and was willing to go to great lengths to break him. And he did. It took twelve episodes but in the end, Max won. David was utterly defeated.

And then Max had to learn the harsh lesson that sure, while life can sometimes be a piece of shit, people can choose too not look past it, but to live with it and still find the good in what’s left. Max was just too jaded by things we know not of, and so was David, and he still found the strength to be himself every day because if he didn’t, Camp Campbell would be even more miserable than Max already thought it was. And because of that, Max decided to help him just for the sake of preserving this optimism.

And now, Max has learned to kind of go with the flow. He’s no longer trying to escape or sabotage David’s every action, he’s just kicking back, relaxing, and enjoying the show.

More so, when Daniel invaded the camp, Max actually sought out David’s help rather than trying to figure out how to get rid of him on his own. And when nothing he did convinced David of Daniel’s murderous intentions, he entered the Purification Sauna, knowing full well he’d be hypnotized into loving Daniel, but had enough faith in David to remove his rose tinted glasses, finally see the truth, and save all the campers from certain death.

And when David got his heart broken by Bonquisha, he and the rest of the children went to great lengths to try and get them back together so he would stop being so depressed all the time.

That’s a lot of character development for a kid.

DAVID:

As for David, his transition has been a lot more subtle.

This happy go-lucky camp counselor is still pretty much the same, while at the same time completely different. The David of first season was optimistic to a fault. He out right refused to see the bad in people, especially Cameron Campbell, got bullied by the kids into leaving the camp for a day, had no clue how to discipline children, and had an unhealthy obsession with being the best camp counselor. And it killed him every day when he couldn’t figure out why none of the kids loved Camp Camp(bell) as much as he did.

There were even some points in the show where his mask slipped and he looked actually angry for once before going back to Happy David.

Until he was pushed to the edge by Max in the season finale of season one and he finally laid all of his cards on the table. He knew perfectly well that not everything was sunshine and roses all the time, but he had a choice. He could be like Max, pessimistic and down right bitter about the world, or he could try to see the good in the world every day and be the best version of himself he could be.

But he also learned a valuable lesson that day. It was okay to not be himself all the time. Sure, he could still be overly enthusiastic about everything, but he could still let go every now and again. Be it wanting to kick out the psycho cult leader you almost hired and may or may not have been after your job-

or sometimes fucking up and saying the wrong thing-

or being openly disappointed in the decisions other people make-

or admitting that you made a mistake that started off with good intentions-

or getting your heart broken-

needing to cry for days on end (even when it’s super awkward)-

and beating the shit out of some guy for something that wasn’t really their fault but only because you’re insanely jealous because they’re banging your babe now.

FINAL POINT:

So in the end, sure, they’re still pretty similar to how they started off in the show.

But the two of them have grown so much, I can’t wait to see where this show is going to take us next.

Another Rant

No, this one is not BTS related, but I can’t help myself from making this one.

I think I’m PMSing and about to start my period and that’s why I’ve been so annoyed and making rants lately.

Now, I know things can’t be 100% accurate, and I’m not directing this towards any one specific person except Stephanie Meyer since this pet peeve started with Twilight

If you are going to write about a certain topic, or include something in your writing, please do at least a minimal amount of research.

The amount of people who will write about something they know nothing about, and refuse to google it saddens me.

This goes for multiple topics.

Children/Pregnancy

As a child development major, this irks me more than it does most people, and as I said, I know things can’t be 100% accurate, and that since not everyone studies child development, there are things they can’t know, but there are somethings that’s just common sense.

Like it’s common sense that a 4 year old will not still be teething.

It’s common sense that a 2 month old will not be sitting up on their own.

It’s common sense that a 1 and a half year old will not be speaking in full grammatically correct sentences.

Onto pregnancy, why does everyone seem to think that you find out the sex of the baby on the first doctor’s appointment? Like, no. The genitalia begin to form at 6 weeks and aren’t finished until 14 weeks. The majority of people have their first appointment during that time frame, meaning it’s impossible to know anyway.

Also, morning sickness does not only happen in the morning, it’s just more common. The amount of times I’ve seen people writing fics about pregnancy, only for something to be wrong with the girl, and when someone questions her she says it’s just morning sickness, “but it’s not the morning”, please stop that.

Also, people will write about a bump at 2 months. If it’s the first pregnancy, like how it is in most fics, a bump usually won’t form until the 2nd trimester, which is 4 or 5 months. Maybe 3 months in some women, but not 2 months.

Smut

Okay, say it with me: the butt hole is not a vagina

The amount of gay smut where they talk about how “wet” the hole is getting when there is no lube or saliva involved, or the amount that says it’s painless without any lubrication. I’m a heterosexual female and even I know that’s not how it works.

Second, girls do not orgasm the same way guys do

A female orgasm is an overwhelming feeling of pleasure followed by sensitivity. There is no “flow of juices” and certainly no “white substance dripping down her thighs”. When “juices” do come out of her, that is called squirting, and only happens very rarely, some women never being able to at all. And after a women squirts, she can be very dehydrated and exhausted, and definitely not ready to go a second round, like described in quite a few fics. There are some women who can squirt quite often, however, they are in the vast minority, and therefore it should not be included in every. single. fanfic. Rarely do I see a fic that accurately describes a female orgasm.

Mental Health

This one really hits home to me, and quite a few others, as I suffer from mental illness, and have for years.

I would really appreciate if the people who don’t have a mental illness, but choose to write about it would do adequate research about the mental illness they have chosen.

I could go on about all the mistakes people have made about many mental illnesses, but I’ll focus on anxiety right now as that’s what I have and is the most common mental illness since it comes in many varieties.

The one that I notice the most is the misrepresentation of Social Anxiety.

In most of the fics I have read that have incorporated Social Anxiety, they always describe it as feeling uncomfortable around strangers, but it is way more than that.

Social Anxiety is:

constantly feeling like everyone in the room is watching you and scrutinizing your every movement

not being able to eat at someone’s house or at a party because your stomach hurts so much that the thought of food makes you want to throw up

wanting to cry when you’re forced to sit close to people you don’t know

being almost 20 years old and not being able to order for yourself at a restaurant

thinking that sitting alone in the car is a better option than having to go inside a place you’ve never been

It is so much more than being uncomfortable around people you don’t know. The feeling I get can’t even be described using the word “uncomfortable”. If you are not actually having anxiety over the situation, it is not anxiety.

Another thing that people don’t research with this is how you get diagnosed. I always see it described as they went to their normal doctor the second they started to have issues, told them they had it, and they automatically get a prescription for medication, and they’re done in 10 minutes. That is not how it happens.

I had been living with anxiety for at least 5 years before ever even going to be formally diagnosed. I didn’t bother with telling my mom I thought I needed more help than just her, who also has anxiety, until after I was tempted to remove the blades from my razor and slit my wrist to where they couldn’t sew it back up.

I had to have suicidal thoughts before realizing “woah I need help”. After that, my mom had to make an appointment at a psychological assessment center, not my regular doctor. That first appointment, it was me, my mom, and a therapist. There was no official diagnosis of that. All it was was the three of us talking, with me and my mom telling her about the struggles I had been having, how long it had been happening, how it gradually got worse, and so on. Then she gave my mom a questionnaire to fill out about what she has observed about me, and gave me one to give to one of my teachers at school to fill out.

A week later, I went back and spent two hours being tested in different ways. They varied from “what do you see when you look at this picture” to testing my memory skills. Two hours. And that wasn’t even the day I was diagnosed.

My mom and I went back a week after that to meet with the therapist, and that’s where she gave me the official diagnosis, the degree it was to, and then discussed treatment options. Then she had to send my regular doctor the results so that she could write a prescription.

It was two more weeks before my doctor got around to it and I was able to start on medication.

It is way more than “oh I’ve been feeling this way”, “okay, here’s some pills to pop”.

If you’re going to write about a mental illness without having it, then at least have the courtesy to research it.

Then comes to the idea that it can be cured and one day they won’t have it anymore. I don’t know how many fics I’ve read where it ends with a completely happy ending in the main character no longer has the mental illness.

That is complete and utter bullshit. Mental illnesses are caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, and those can’t be fixed easily. There is no “cure”, you just get to the point where you can handle it better. There are people with depression who can go years without and episode, then wake up one day with no motivation to even roll over in bed. My mom has some of the worst social anxiety, yet she’s a hair stylist, meaning she has to constantly be around and talk to people she doesn’t know. She has overcome her illness enough that it doesn’t get in the way of her job, but she’s still on medication and she almost had a panic attack when she had to walk me up on stage for the Senior Walk at my final orchestra concert.

Mental illnesses do not have a cure. You just get better at being able to live without them getting in your way.


There are a few authors and works out there that do a great job of trying to be accurate in the topics they write about, but they are sadly outnumbered by the people who just do not care.

So please, if you read this and want to write a fanfic or regular fic about a topic you’re not to sure about, please do at least a minimal amount of research before rather than bullshitting it like Stephanie Meyer did when she decided to write about vampires.

Touches

Summary: After having a nightmare where he couldn’t save you, Bucky takes it upon himself to make sure you’re always safe. Based off a request sent in by @snuggleducky 

Word Count: 1,953

Warnings: None.

A/N: This is fluffy and cute. I hope you all enjoy it!

Originally posted by oursisthefvry


Cold sweat running down his face, Bucky flung the sheets off his body and staggered out of bed. Clutching his chest with his flesh hand, he let his nails dig into his bare skin, anchoring him to the present time. He blinked repeatedly, eyes quickly getting used to the darkness around him, the moon just barely peeking through the blinds.

Heart beating rapidly, he took a deep breath as he padded across the room and made a beeline to the kitchen. It was easy enough to pry open the refrigerator and grab a cold bottle of water. Bucky almost broke it as he tore the lid off and brought it up to his lips, gulping it all down within seconds.

He leaned against the kitchen counter using the heels of his hands, body curving slightly as he stretched, got his body used to being awake after being stuck in deep sleep, in a nightmare.

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Imagine Mary realizing both of her sons, Sam and Dean, are in love with the same girl, you.

Originally posted by supernaturalfreewill

Originally posted by soluscheese

“Morning.” Sam mumbled as he walked into the kitchen and saw you, Mary and Castiel there, you still cooking the pancakes and her setting everything else up for breakfast with Castiel’s help.

“Morning sweetie.” Mary smiled up at him as he leaned down to kiss her cheek before he turned to take a good look at you.

“Wow” he breathed out and you looked at him for a second before in the end giggling as you tucked a few strands of hair behind your ear.

“What?” you asked, looking up at the older man as he blinked rapidly, staring at you almost awestruck. You glanced at his mother that was still there but luckily was not looking at the two of you.

“You just- I never thought you’d look this good in my clothes.” he said with an adorable dimpled smile as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

You laughed looking back at the food, after glancing down at yourself for a moment. You weren’t in the mood for trying really hard so along with the messy hair you had stolen one of Sam’s flannels that could work as a dress for you and wore it. It was a nice chance compared to you wearing always Dean’s shirts. There was something similar in this, both their clothes made you feel at peace, they had a certain scent to them that brought the same kind of comfort their hugs did but at the same time that scent was so different. And it reminded you instantly of whose clothes you were wearing.

“Thanks” you bit your lip, opting to look only at the pancakes as you felt your cheeks heat up. You had a soft spot for the younger Winchester, you couldn’t deny that, you were really close and had many things in common. He was sweet and kind, gentle and caring. You knew that when you needed to talk to someone he would always be there for you. You were like a little sister to him, as far as you knew at least, even if for you he meant a lot more than just family. But you weren’t going to do something to risk what you had, you’d much rather bottle up your feelings than ruin all of this.

Besides, he wasn’t the only one involved in all of this.

“But- if you want it back I could give it. I’m sorry I didn’t ask I just- it looked too comfy and I-” you started rambling, trying to find an excuse for yourself but he shook his head.

“No, no no!” he said a little too fast and you bit your lip at his reaction “By all means-” he breathed out “-You can keep it, it looks better on you anyway.” he said adorably and you grinned.

“Thank you Sammy.” you stood on your tiptoes and kissed his cheek, making his smile even wider.

“So- what do you want with your pancakes, you didn’t tell me?” you asked and he paused in thought for a moment.

“Uhm I think I’ll go with some eggs today.” he paused in thought.

“Do you want me to make them?” you asked, ready to start on them already but he shook his head with a laugh.

“No you already do enough for us.” he pecked your forehead “I’ll do that myself.” he winked and started working on them next to you as you still laughed and chatted happily.

“You know I love taking care of you anyway.” you mumbled with a shy shrug and he smiled warmly.

“Yes, and I know it. But it’s not bad if you take a break once in a while and let us do all the work.” he said matter of factlyand you just shrugged “You know you deserve it.”

“Not as much as you guys do honestly I-” you shook your head, flipping another pancake.

“Dare you complete that sentence.” it was Dean’s stern voice but the moment you looked at him he had a small smile on. You sighed, knowing you weren’t going to win this fight against both of them so you just shook your head.

Oh and he also happened to be the other person involved.

“Morning guys.” he greeted as he kissed Mary and came towards you, not missing a chance to wrap his arms around your waist.

A small squeak left your lips as he pressed his body against yours and you both chuckled in the end as he kissed the back of your head “Damn smells amazing.” he breathed out as he looked over at the pancakes.

“Thought you’d like them, and in case you are not really into pancakes today I made some cherry pie for you.” you smirked and he looked at you with a wide grin.

“Gosh” he breathed out with wide eyes that made him look like a little kid on Christmas day “Marry me!” he grinned and you laughed.

“You’d have to take me out first, Winchester!” you said as you heard him laugh as he squeezed you, burying his face in your hair.

“Anytime princess.” he mumbled, nuzzling his face before in the end he leaned down and kissed your neck.

You giggled as his morning scruff tickled you and you turned your head to peck his cheek, making him smile down at you. It felt so refreshing to see him like this. It has been such a long while since you saw Dean so carefree.

Of course you had gotten the chance to see him relax sometimes, when it was just the two of you and he’d let loose, but those moments were rare. It mostly was you holding him as you either sat in silence or he talked to you about a nightmare- or whatever was worrying him at the moment.

Your relationship with Dean was different from that of Sam. While with Sam you were all playful, most of the time, and acted all cute together: watching movies, reading books and talking about all kinds of nerdy stuff your relationship with Dean was more contact and less words. You’d spent many nights in each other’s rooms just holding each other, gazing into each other’s eyes like some love-sick couple – well you were love sick you couldn’t deny it at least to yourself – and only sometimes talking. Dean wasn’t really a man of words so when it came to just the two of you he talked about only the things that troubled him. But even the few words were enough for you to get a look into his world. Heck, the mere fact that he trusted you with his thoughts and feelings was enough to let you know how important you were to him.

Of course there were serious moments with Sam as well, he too trusted you with his worries as well, and as that there were funny moments with Dean. Both brothers were very similar but at the same time your relationship with each of them was completely different. Each one of them completed a side of you that in returned completed them as well.

“Hey you two-” Sam’s voice got Dean’s attention. You looked at him to, luckily, see he had a small smile on his face “You’re not alone alright?”

“Sadly” Dean added and you giggled as Sam shot him a bitch-face.

“Why don’t you prove yourself useful and and prepare some bacon huh?” Sam obviously found an excuse to get him away from you.

“Oooh yes, love me some bacon!” Dean said with a glint in his eyes and you chuckled at how childish he was being.

“But first-” he said cupping your face as he leaned down and kissed your forehead, his lips much like Sam’s previously lingered a little longer than they should have. He looked down into your eyes, exactly like Sam had done, and offered you one last gentle smile before going back to playful him and started working on his bacon.

The three of you still talked and laughed as you had each Winchester on each side of you. Her sons’ laughter caught Mary’s attention and this time she took a real good look at the three of you. For a second she smiled fondly at how childlike you were all being, happy that her kids looked so carefree around you, but when realization downed on her hersmile faded away.

“Mary?” Castiel’s low voice caught her attention as she looked at the angel.

“Are you alright?” he asked with a small frown.

“Should I be Castiel?” she sighed sadly “I mean, how can I even be? At first I was happy about Dean but now- seeing this-Knowing that my one son’s happiness depends on the other’s grief- how can I be happy?”

“What- what do you mean?” Castiel frowned with a tilt of his head and she looked from the three of you to him.

“I thought seeing my sons fall in love would be something great. I just didn’t know it was going to be with the same girl.”

After Hours [m]

pairing: reader x Yoongi

Genre: tattoed!yoongi, rapper!tyoongi, angst? fluff? smut, idk how to label this haha

word count: 16,212

warnings: graphic sexual content, alcohol, language

a/n: this is loosely based of Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist. i am v nervous about this as it isn’t the usual angst fueled plot I normally write. so if it’s crap, please be kind haha. i’m tagging the lovely @dimplecoups​ because i know you’ve been waiting for this. and @2seoke for always being the best babe.

Originally posted by lethargicmin

You looked in the mirror, making sure your face mask was properly in place. If you were going to look like a serial killer for the next 20 minutes, you at least wanted to look the part. Your bed was calling your name as you walked over to the soft mattress, choosing to ignore the missed calls and text messages from your best friend. This was the first Saturday night you had to yourself in months. No work. No brother. No best friend. You were free to do whatever you wanted.

Or at least that’s what you had originally intended. But as the door to your bedroom crashed open you soon realized that the night had other plans for you.

“Why haven’t you answered my calls?” your best friend Irene squealed as she plopped down at the foot of your bed. “It’s Saturday night and I know you don’t have to work tomorrow!”

You gave her a look. Well, you tried to give her a look to the best of your ability as the motions of your face was restricted by the sheet mask on top of it. “There’s a reason why I didn’t answer your calls. And just because my idiot brother gave you a key to our apartment doesn’t mean you can just waltz in here any time you want.”

Irene rolled her eyes, blowing a large bubble from the gum she was constantly chewing. She was clearly not amused at your disinterest on leaving your apartment tonight. You reached forward, popping it with your pointer finger. “You’re no fun, Y/N” she whined, collecting the gum back into her mouth.

“I can’t have fun when I’m always too busy taking care of you.” you quipped, reminding her of the last time the two of you went out. “I had to beg that cop not to give you a ticket for being drunk in public. Why aren’t you bothering my brother? I’m sure he would love to see you.”

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Adding to canon is not the same thing as destroying canon

At San Diego Comic Con, we learned that Sonequa Martin-Green’s character, Michael Burnham, is Sarek’s adoptive daughter. The second I heard the news, all I could think was, “Let the hate begin.” And boy, did it ever.

I understand the disappointment, particularly with fan fic writers who invested a lot of time and effort into crafting stories that fit neatly into canon. Amazing how one sound bite can bulldoze right through decades of widely accepted fanon, huh? 

Let’s be real, those little behind the scenes moments are almost the entire point of fan fiction: some of us like something so much, we like to imagine all the things the writers didn’t tell us, but now Michael Burnham has come along like a square peg in a round hole, rendering countless stories AU that previously adhered perfectly to canon. Some of mine included.

But fanon isn’t canon. One might say, “How come we’re just hearing about this now?” Surely Spock would have mentioned having an adoptive sister? But would he? Would he though? 

No one had any idea he was engaged to T’Pring until the Enterprise showed up to Vulcan on Spock’s impromptu wedding day in the TOS episode, “Amok Time.” What was it he said when Lieutenant Uhura asked who the lovely woman on the viewscreen was?

If you watch closely enough and get creative with your interpretation, I swear Christine Chapel mouths the word, “bullshit.”

And no one knew that Spock had a strained relationship with his father until that time dear old Sarek hopped on Enterprise for the Coridan admission debate in the TOS episode, “Journey to Babel.” Kirk urged Spock to go down to the planet and visit his family before they left orbit, and what was Spock’s reply?

I can’t think of a better example of where Spock made Kirk look like a total asshole.

And then there’s the fact that Kirk had known Spock for decades before finding out he had a half-brother named Sybok in Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.

You would think Kirk would be used to Spock family bombshells by now.

So if anything, the idea that Spock had a secret adoptive sister actually feels more in keeping with canon than going against it. Given the weight of the evidence, I wouldn’t be all that shocked to discover he had three step mothers and a whole nest of secret love children drifting around out there.

The other thing is, as viewers, we tend to get into the habit of thinking that if a character doesn’t specifically address something on screen in front of other characters, other characters are in the dark along with the viewers. Like if a character didn’t explicitly announce some detail about their personal life to the world, not only did it never happen, it never could have happened. And that’s just silly. Think about this: Kirk, Spock, and the rest of the crew spent five years together on that mission, and we only got to view a little less than 66 hours of it. So imagine all the conversations in the mess hall we as viewers missed out on. Not only that, many of those details would be fairly trivial anyway. 

Going back and adding to canon is not the same thing as destroying canon. Star Trek, particularly The Original Series, was always more focused on exploring the galaxy and meeting new civilizations – its primary purpose wasn’t to flesh out complicated life stories for each of the main characters. When you think about it, there’s so much we don’t know about Sarek, Amanda, or Spock’s upbringing. Almost everything we do know about this family comes from two episodes – “Journey to Babel” in The Original Series and “Yesteryear” in The Animated Series.

I think because we spent more than five decades without any concrete ideas of how Sarek and Amanda met, what Spock’s formative years were really like, or how their family dynamics worked, we just filled in the blanks for ourselves. But fifty years is a long time for the lines between canon and fanon to start getting blurred.

So I’m actually tickled pink at the thought that Spock had an adoptive sister, not furious that they’re corrupting more than fifty years of canon. It would be tampering with canon to claim that Starship Troopers is actually some kind of prequel to Kirk and the starship Enterprise. That would be destroying canon, but writing in a sister for Spock where one previously didn’t exist isn’t quite the same thing. 

Would you like to know more?

The writers of the show are just doing what we as fan fic writers do all the time – filling in the gaps. You’re definitely allowed to feel however you want to feel about it. And I do understand a lot of the dismay and shock. It really sucks to pour your heart and soul into something, polishing it for months or even years until it’s perfect, and then have Michael Burnham thrown into the mix and it almost feels like a bad Photoshop job over your favorite family portrait, ruining your origins fics for Sarek/Amanda or Spuhura or Spirk or Spones or Spotty? (Is that actually what the Spock/Scotty ship is called?). It’s perfectly acceptable to say that Michael Burnham’s existence has ruined your perception of canon, but I don’t think it should be confused with ruining actual canon.  

During the Comic Con panel, producer Alex Kurtzman insisted they have a good canon explanation for why Spock never mentions Michael. He was quoted as saying, “We’re aware [of the situation]. You’ll see where it’s going, but we are staying consistent with canon.” So I’m inclined to keep an open mind and see where they take it before dismissing it outright for being “too ludicrous.” Weirder things have actually happened within the Trek universe, so try not to let this revelation get you down. 

→ all that is gold (m)

Originally posted by chimtae


Sub!BTS collab

pairing → Taehyung x Reader

genre → roommate!au + sugar baby!au, smut, angst

warnings sub!taehyung, skype sex, masturbation, orgasm denial, possessiveness, slight breath play, oral sex, dirty talk, thigh riding, tae ends up sort of a switch? idk

☆ word count → 11.2k

☆ summary → As a college student struggling to make ends meet, Taehyung resorts to a less than ethical method to satisfy his appetite for expensive treats. The last thing he wants is for you to find out how he acquires the Gucci in his closet… however this proves to be difficult when you are his roommate.

or : Taehyung is a sugar baby and somehow thinks he can keep this a secret


☆ a/n → ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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FUTURE HEARTS | PT.6 [M]

pt1 | pt2 | pt3 | pt4 | pt5 | pt6 | (6/?)

pairing: jimin x reader, jungkook x reader

genre: smut, angst / punk!jikook

word count: 17,335

note: inspired by the anime/manga “Nana” / music playlist

description: It was everything, from his tattoos, to his touches, to the way sweat rolled down his neck as he strummed into his guitar on stage; everything about him completely enthralled you. So why are you now, two and a half years later, on a train to Seoul, telling a complete stranger the recollection of how you became fated to forever have scars on all of your future hearts due to the happiness, but most of all the pain, that came along with falling in love with Jeon Jungkook.

cr.


The slight tremble in Jimin’s fingertips developed into a full-blown tremor as he closed the door to his studio, effectively leaving you behind — but it wasn’t that simple. It wasn’t that simple because he wasn’t just leaving you behind. He was leaving you behind with a guy that you were completely in love with… Which kind of blowed considering he was starting to fall for you himself.

The music from the party was reverberating inside of his chest and he knew that his ears should be ringing with anger, but instead he just felt numb. It was like he couldn’t hear anything; no music, no crowd, nothing. It was all one giant blur that didn’t seem to make sense to him, and all because his mind was screaming that nothing else mattered right now — nothing except for you.

Jimin knew very well what leaving you in that room with Jungkook meant. It meant every single feeling that the two of you had ever had for each other would inevitably rekindle, and compared to what Jimin had with you, even if he did consider it one of most amazing stints of time of his entire life, it didn’t hold a candle to what you and Jungkook had, and probably always would have.

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anonymous asked:

What if Stiles and Derek's first kiss is post-nogitsune? Would he feel like a thief? Would he mourn the body that Derek never held? Would each brush of fingertips or kiss to his temple be a betrayal? They'd probably talk about the scars too. Derek would understand-- to an extent. But he grew up not without his history on his skin so he'll never understand how it feels to have that ripped away.

Their lips brush and Stiles turns away a second later, breaths shallow, hands twitching against the folds of Derek’s shirt. There’s warm breath on his cheek, the ghost of beard still so close and all Stiles can think is that he wants this. He wants this. And…

It’s wrong.

Those fingers, twitching against Derek’s shirt, smooth and uncalloused. The scar that used to live above his third knuckle just a burn-hot memory in his mind.

Everything still feels off in his body, out of balance, and he remembers the way Derek used to look at him. All tension and frustration in ways he couldn’t start to make sense of. And now Derek’s lips are in reach, a short turn away, and he’s murmuring out “Stiles…?” and all Stiles can think is…

“Do you want me?”

He can feel the stall in Derek’s thoughts like a physical reaction, and he wonders if there was a subtle tell or if… if he’d just felt it, inside, the confusion a flicker of chaos in Derek’s chest. Can he do that? Feel chaos? The Nogitsune drank it in and Stiles…

“Stiles,” Derek breathes again, a quirk of amusement in his tone. Thumbs smooth down his hips and Stiles fights the urge to rise into the contact. “Thought I’d just answered that question.”

And Stiles could leave it at that, asked and answered. Except…

There should be a scar on his hip, long and thin, from a fence he’d scaled once and dropped down five times faster. Derek should be feeling that right now, that piece of Stiles’ history, that stupid ten year old adventure laid out across his skin. But the skin’s smooth. Blank slate.

He shivers, gripping tighter into Derek’s shirt.

“No, I––” He can’t think of how to explain it. The thoughts are a choked feeling in his throat, a twist in his gut. Something like guilt and fear and he doesn’t even know what answer he wants when he leans back enough to find Derek’s eyes and say: “Since when? Did you… I mean, before…”

He’s not sure Derek knows what he means, but there’s a hint of flush under that dark beard suddenly, and Stiles gets a little bit lost in the contrast.

“Last summer.”

“Last––?” It pulls Stiles back, his eyes startling up. That was… most of a year, that was before…

A sick lurch sets him falling back out of Derek’s grip. Too-smooth fingers (uncalloused) slip too easy from Derek’s chest. His sneaker-covered feet might as well be walking over glass and he’s being dramatic except that he’s really not. Because if Derek wanted him last summer…

“That wasn’t me.” It sounds wrong as he says it, stupid, because… he was there that summer. He remembers every moment spent with Derek, researching the Alphas, searching for hints of Boyd and Erica. Charged smirks and snark and quiet moments that felt more comfortable than they should. He remembers the moments before summer too, when the thought of Derek made his heart pound and his body thrum in a way that could have only meant fear, except it hadn’t only been fear. He’d been scared of the Alpha too, and the hunters, and that coil of electric heat only sparked through his gut for Derek. He remembers that, like he remembers the scars that aren’t there anymore, and he can’t help running his too-soft fingertips over the smooth flesh of his knuckle as he breathes out, faint and lost, “…Was that me?”

There’s a too long pause while the question burns back into his throat, buzzing through his limbs like a current until he realizes he’s shaking from them. Was that him? Helping Derek track the Alpha pack? Helping Scott learn to control his wolf? Sitting by his mom’s hospital bed, watching her lose the long war to her illness, pieces of her flaking away like old scars, like a whole identity, like––

A warm hand closes over his, large and gentle, grounding.

“It was you,” Derek says, simply. Like there’s no question, like nothing’s changed. Like Stiles hasn’t changed. 

But that’s wrong. He’s not the same person he was before the Nogitsune, and he’s not talking in the experiences change you, huh kind of way. He’d had scars before. He’d had… a whole life written on his skin. And then he’d crawled out from inside his possessed body’s throat, spawned out like some alien parasite or… clone and––

“My body died, back there.” Four months past, and he still can’t wrap his head around it. That he’d watched himself bitten and impaled, spasm and cracking and shatter to dust.

The scarred body. His real body.

And he was left in… this.

Long fingers uncurl, stretching out slow. Thin, pale digits fitting strangely perfect between Derek’s, and Stiles can only wonder what it would have looked like before.

“…What if I’m not real?” He watches Derek’s fingers twitch, barely perceptible, tightening like they’re fighting to hold onto him. And Derek’s lost enough in his life, too much. It’s a dick move to say this, to take anything else away from him, but… “What if the guy you wanted last summer… what if he died inside the Nogitsune, and I’m just––”

No.”

The sureness of it has Stiles’ throat clenching. He tilts his head, challenging. Finds Derek’s eyes again.

“You don’t know that.”

“I know you.”

Which is just… it’s stupid how that makes Stiles’ heart jump. Flutter around like it’s fighting to leap the distance between them and plaster itself all up against Derek’s stupid, muscled, secretly sweet as hell chest.

Which… yeah, that’s nearly a gross enough visual to stomp his fondness boner in the bud. He sets his jaw.

“Did you know I used to have a scar on––”

“Your right hand? Just above the third knuckle, a burn.”

Stiles’ argument stalls out. He blinks, finger shifting to rub over the space, but Derek’s is already there, soothing the phantom mark over his skin.

“I… was eleven.” Because silence has never been safe for him. Because noise distracts from the too-easy pleasure rippling up his arm. “First time I tried cooking dinner for me and dad. Mac and cheese, it… didn’t go great.” He wets his lips. Looks away “Or… the other me did, I don’t––”

You did.” And Derek still sounds so damn sure. Stiles wants to believe him. He parts his lips, can’t. Because––

“Stiles, I’ve never had scars on my skin. I… can’t relate to what it’s like to lose them. But the things that have happened to me… they’re not any less real because I can’t see them. Every bullet, cut, punch I’ve taken…” He might sense the wince forming on Stiles’ face, and shakes his head, shrugging that off like it’s not important. But that’s an argument for another day. “Every scar life gave you… they’re still there. You’re still carrying them, inside you.” He flits his eyes down Stiles’ frame, then away, finger soothing over the ghost burn. “There are plenty no one would have ever seen anyway. But they made you. Who you are, and who you are…” He shakes his head, looks back to meet Stiles’ eyes squarely. “You recognized me when I was a teenager. That’s the same person who recognized me in the preserve.” Stiles feels his face heat because… even knowing Derek’s a werewolf now, he’d never put together that Derek would have heard his fangirl moment to Scott after Derek had walked away.

Before he can speak up, though, Derek’s going on. “You tracked me to Mexico. Faced down the Calaveras to save me. That’s the same person who stared down the Argents, drove a Jeep into a kanima, who hit an Alpha with a wooden baseball bat––”

“Two Alphas,” Stiles cuts in, because props, ok? “Two, that were…” His free hand mimes squishing, and Derek’s lips twitch.

“Two,” he agrees, and Stiles can’t not smile back. Just for a second –– fond, helpless –– then he’s ducking his head. Derek sighs, catches his chin. Guides it up until their gazes lock again.

“That was you,” he says, so firmly Stiles can’t help believing this time. “Was the man who clawed his way out of his own possession. Followed Scott’s howl back to the real world. And whatever happened to your body, whatever… magic gave you a new one, Stiles came out with it. Your scars are still there, just…” His fingers trail to Stiles’ chest, and something thumps out eagerly to meet them.

“Inside,” Stiles breathes, and the way Derek’s eyes warm makes him shiver with a proud ripple of pleasure.

“Inside,” Derek echoes. Runs a thumb light along Stiles’ lip. “You could have come out of the Nogitsune looking like anything. Wouldn’t change who you are.”

And damn, Stiles has fallen for a goddamn poet in a grumpy wolf’s body. …But then, Stiles is pretty sure he’d known that already.

His fingers go up, curl gently into Derek’s shirt.

“But… you like this body,” he prompts, and Derek gives an exasperated huff, pulling him in.

“I like this body,” he confirms, and it doesn’t feel wrong to hear that.

When Derek kisses him this time, Stiles doesn’t pull away.

She’s Just Not That Into You » Part I (A Harry Styles Miniseries)

First and foremost, I need to dedicate this miniseries to @stylesunchained​. If it weren’t for B, this idea would’ve never come to fruition. It’s been so lovely to torture you with snippets of this story, and now it’s finally here! And yes, the whole damn thing is dedicated to you, my beautiful friend.

Secondly, I need to take the time to thank @cuddlemusclestyles​ for her knowledge of England and always answering my questions about it. I would be lost without you, for you are my own personal Google.

And, of course, thank you all for the interest you’ve expressed for this miniseries. It’s always that much more enjoyable to write when you know you’ve got people rooting for you. I hope I don’t disappoint you.

Originally posted by chillhopdotcom

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Why do people like Bakugou? I've not finished the series yet, but does he get a redemption arc or mellow out or something later on? Idk I'd like to know why the guy who told Deku to kill himself and bullied him and others has so much love.

y’know, the mangaka himself, horikoshi, once said in an interview he’s actually surprised at how much people ended up loving bakugou, because he was written to be such a horrible, unlikable person. and well, i mean, he is!! but imo, unlikable people can make for some of the most interesting characters in fiction.

first things first, bakugou is a very problematic individual, there’s simply no denying that. he’s loud, obnoxious, aggressive, extremely rude, and yes, he once even told deku to kill himself, which is a truly despicable thing to do. but something that’s very important to understand about all this is that he’s actually very rarely, if ever, praised or rewarded for this disgusting behaviour. his rude outbursts are, more often than not, played for laughs at his expense, his callous actions have cost him on numerous occasions (and it’s happening more as the story progresses), and almost nobody in the class likes him as a person. everybody thinks he’s horrible and unpleasant to be around, and his old friends from middle-school are even shown calling him out shortly after telling deku to kill himself, saying that he went overboard. (as well as deku remarking to himself that it was a very stupid and awful thing to say).

but in spite of all his terrible, negative traits, this boy is also really strong, and smart as hell. he’s got the 3rd highest grades in the whole class, meaning he’s serious about his school work, and he’s unshakably committed to his goal of becoming the strongest hero, and he’s got the strength, fighting skill, and drive to back it all up. he’s constantly trying his absolute best, and while his UA classmates all think he’s a complete asshole, they DO respect his strength, his keen intellect, his skill for tactics and battle, his passion for victory, and it actually inspires them to get them fired up, wanting to do the best that they can do as well, whether they like him as a person or not.

in answer to your question, i think one of the biggest factors playing into the fans love of his character is his backstory. he doesn’t have your typical tragic backstory that an angry, aggressive character of his archetype usually has. there’s no dark, traumatic past. no villains killed his family or anything like that. 

basically, bakugou is mentally ill.

katsuki bakugou was a gifted child who was told constantly from a young age that his quirk was amazing, that he was amazing, and he grew up believing it, believing he was better than others, and it warped him. he grew into a self obsessed, cruel, obnoxious child with a superiority complex, believing himself to be the best and that everyone else around him was just trash. his ego, so twistedly convinced of his own ability and superiority, he detested the idea of ever needing help from anybody, which fed strongly into his hatred and, yes, fear of deku, the only person in his life who ever treated him differently.

“you looked like you were asking for help”

and then he eventually enrolled at UA, and the little world he’d been living in finally came crashing down around him as he was sucker punched with the reality that this whole time he was really just a big fish in a small pond, and his superiority complex began to violently twist into an extreme inferiority complex. the rug had been pulled out from his feet and he was now surrounded by people who were just as capable as him, if not more so, and who, rather than worshipping him as the coolest kid with the coolest quirk, actually thought he was a kind of a douche.

not to mention deku, who he believed to be quirkless and the one person he hated the most, suddenly had a powerful quirk as well, and was now able to compete with and even surpass him in ways he never imagined. had deku been playing him for a fool this whole time??

all this clashed very harshly with everything he had come to believe in so strongly, and, understandably, caused him a lot of extreme confusion, anxiety, resentment, and most notably… Anger. his whole life has turned upside down and he has no idea how to handle it. so, being the person he is, the person his life up until this point had nurtured him into becoming, his natural instinct is now to blindly act out very… (excuse the pun)… Explosively.

he figuratively (and sometimes literally) blasts away anything and everything that doesnt agree with his perceived image of how things should be. he’s spent his whole life believing he was the best so FUCK IT, now he’s GOING TO BE THE GOD DAMN BEST!! his classmates dont like him/make fun of him/think he’s a dickhead?? WHATEVER, SHUT UP YOU DAMN NERDS!! I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU ANYWAY!! deku, the useless, annoying kid from his childhood is now standing in the way of his goal of being number one?? DEKU YOU DAMN NERD, I WILL DESTROY YOU!!

but… what has this aggressive and anti-social attitude actually achieved for him so far?? honestly, very little… in fact, this behaviour has been doing him a lot more harm than good in the long run, not just professionally, but for his own safety, and his mental health too. (i’d absolutely go into a lot more detail here but you mentioned you’re not up to date so i don’t want to spoil too much)

some people might say this all just sounds like an spoiled brat throwing a temper tantrum, and i guess on some level, that’s probably true. but in my opinion, the bottom line is it’s not his fault. taking something all might says about him in chapter 121 and expanding on it slightly, i believe bakugou ultimately ended up the way he did through the failure of his upbringing. the failure of the adults in his life. if he hadnt been told so continuously from a young age that he was amazing, and then left unchecked for so long, if maybe people were more firm with him about his behaviour from a young age, perhaps he may not have grown into such an angry, messed up person.

but in spite of all of this, as i mentioned earlier, this boy ain’t dumb. he’s smart as hell. it’s taking him a long time to realise it, blinded as he is by all his confusing emotions, and it’s taking him a long time to work through his issues and do anything about it, but he is changing. slowly. slowly, but believably.

bakugou, in my personal opinion, is one of the most interestingly written characters in the series, and it’s been very fascinating and rewarding to watch his gradual development over the course of the story so far. he certainly hasnt done a 180 or anything, he’s still a very loud and very angry boy, but he’s slowly beginning to change in a number of subtle, nuanced ways. bakugou now is remarkably different than bakugou as you see him in chapter 1.

one last thing to consider, is how relatively early we are in the story compared to the grand scheme of things. i believe i heard somewhere that horikoshi once said a while back that the story was roughly 20% done, which lead people to project the manga would run for approximately 500+ chapters, at least, and we’re only at 146 now at the time of this writing. 

bakugou is the 2nd most important character in the story after deku, the protagonist. so much of their development is built around each other, and it wouldnt make sense, narratively or realistically, for a character like bakugou, the way he is and his overall importance to both the story and dekus own development, to change too much in too short amount of time. a character arc like bakugou’s is one that will be played out slowly, but surely, and most importantly, satisfyingly. he will change. little by little. he is changing. he has changed already, and he will continue to change.

sorry this got really long, i just really like bakugou. i understand where some people are coming from when they say they don’t like him. that’s completely fair, liking a character is completely subjective, especially a character as prickly as bakugou is. but i just hope those people know he’s more than what he seems.

The first time I tried to come out to someone I was ten years old and in primary school.
I told a person who was supposed to be one of my best friends. She listened.
The next day when I came to school she had told the twins; my other friends and they all laughed at me and avoided me for days on end. I knew there was something wrong with me then, see!?? So I told them I was just joking and of course I didn’t like girls that way, I’M NOT GAY!
The next time I tried, I told my cousin, my other best friend. She didn’t say a lot about it and just kind of changed the subject. The next time I saw her she asked me if I was being serious with a screwed up look on her face that hit me in the gut like disgust. I felt so sick, am I sick?! There is something so wrong with me. I told her no, of course I wasn’t, I’M NOT GAY, NO REALLY, DEFINITELY!
I started high school desperately trying to be cool, to be normal, to just fit in, why couldn’t I be like all of them? Every now and then someone in the halls would call me a fucking lesbian. It took me right back to those laughs that I heard when I was ten. I was still friends with the same girls who’s laugher haunted me and one night I slept over at their house. They had a brother who was a couple of years older and I thought I might have had a crush on him. It was juvenile wishful thinking. I ended up in his room with the door closed, in the darkness putting his dick in my mouth. After that I asked if I could go home because I was homesick - but I was just sick, I didn’t like anything about him or his dick. I felt so empty and so alone knowing that I was not normal, I was not like any of them. I sat in the bathtub with the door locked at 1am brushing my teeth and trying to erase the stain of what happened.
I came to school on Monday, and people were looking at me. They were talking behind hands and snickering. Someone had told someone and then someone told everyone and they all knew. My mind flew out the second story window in math as a girl passed me a note telling me I was gross and a fucking slut. If anything I thought it would shut them all up? Isn’t that what normal girls do, they like boys and they don’t leave their balls blue?! I had no idea what in the fuck I was supposed to do.
I drifted away from them all, I’d still see them in the halls but we hardly ever talked anymore. I found out that there were certain boys that stayed seperate from the jocks, and their flocks, so I started hanging out with them. They didn’t really care about much of anything and for once I felt a tiny bit of what I thought was belonging. Of course I engaged in ridiculous dating charades where I was one of their girlfriends. We’d occasionally kiss and hold hands and that was it, and I thought it might finally look like I fit. But I still heard it, from time to time “HEY DYKE, ARE YOU A LEMON OR A LIME?” I’d just put my head down and hide. I’d hide behind my boyfriend who was sweet and kind and dopey and gentle, even though most days he kind of drove me mental.
One day there was a new guy at school, I saw him before roll call in the hall and thought he looked cool. Later that day in science, he was sitting opposite me, and I smiled, he smiled back. We’re still friends and it’s about fourteen years down the track - how did we get to that? Well…
The next time I came out it was to him, and he told me he was the same as me. Of course I chose to come out under the label of bisexuality, because I still thought guys were kind of cute and it provided me with a shield of a certain safety and half normality. He didn’t flinch or cringe or look at me with hate, he just said he was the same, and my shame started to deflate a little. I started to breathe full breaths for the first time in so long, and I started to believe maybe I wasn’t so fucking wrong.
The next time I tried to come out to somebody I was sixteen and it was my mother. I’d spent years in torture and isolation trying to figure myself out, who I really was, what it was all about. I told her I was bi and she was quiet for a while. After I prompted her for a response she said “but how do you know?” with a condescending smile. She told me I was young, and that I hadn’t even slept with anyone so how could I possibly know what I am?? Rage is the only thing I could feel at that stage, HOW COULD I KNOW WHAT I AM? The same way you knew you weren’t what I am, that’s how. I’ve spent years hating myself for being this way, and this is the stupidity I’m faced with now? Like I had just flippantly decided that I would announce something I wasn’t even sure of? I was floored, and thus thereafter the topic was purposefully ignored. The silence said all I needed to know, this was something I just wasn’t supposed to show, it’s just one of those things that was a no go. Certain people could be trusted with my secret, the thing that people didn’t seem to want to see, but I had to be very careful about who that would be.
So I shut it down and compartmentalised my difference and tried to survive. Three years went by before I opened that door again, to a trusted friend. I never intended to tell her, but she asked me in a way that seemed so tender, there were no teeth waiting to bite me, and even though it frightened me I told her. She didn’t even care, she was just curious, maybe she was questioning things in herself like some of us do. That was the first time I really knew that I wasn’t my shame and I wasn’t my pain and I wasn’t some thing to be hidden away. I decided then to be more open. To live authentically and do what felt right for me. But I still remained private about it unless asked explicitly - then I would answer as honestly as I knew how, because truthfully I’m still figuring all of it out. I’ve learned so much about diversity and gender and sexual identity and sometimes I find the right words that seem to fit, and other times the pressure of a label exhausts me and I get sick of it.
Sick of trying to classify myself under certain banners, sick of people asking things without any thought of manners.
I know on the grand spectrum of things I am not at all like them, I fall somewhere else along the Kinsey scale. Maybe that means in a way I fail the people like me, because I can’t cement things or write it in concrete and sign it to make it complete. Or that sometimes I still find myself in certain situations where I’m being discreet, holding my candour for fear of ramifications and slander. Maybe I’m not full of pride, maybe because for so long all I could do was hide. This makes me feel so guilty, I should be proud of who I am unapologetically! Not just for me but for the sake of visibility, so that maybe more people can see - we aren’t wrong, we don’t have any agenda other than to be able to be! Just to be; to live with an open vulnerability and tranquility and to be able to do it safely!! I’m sorry, that I could not join in on the pride but maybe you’ll know why; it’s hard to celebrate something that for most of your life you’ve had to justify to people, to justify to yourself, for most of your life you’ve carefully withheld.
— 

“Internalised Homophobia - Where Is My Pride?”

Pride month is such a wonderful thing and I know it is over now but it inspired me to share this. It’s intensely personal, not very well written and lengthy, but I wanted to be able to share some of my experiences regarding this topic. In no way do I speak for the whole LGBT+ community in this post and it’s simply a personal journey that I wrote out for catharsis. 

Out Cold

Prompt: Prompt if its alright-Lance with narcolepsy?- anon

I had so much fun writing this, so thanks so much for the prompt! This is a one-shot, and even though the ask didn’t specifically ask for klance… it ended up in here because, as I’ve said before, I have no self control. It took a bit of an unexpected turn, but hopefully the anon likes it? And other people do? As always, feedback is appreciated!

oh and @taylor-tut if you want to read it, of course


Lance’s entire life was full to the brim with close calls.

Granted, fighting a war against a corrupt alien empire will have its share of near-death experiences. But, oddly enough, another type of close call worried him more.

Lance didn’t particularly want to die if he could avoid it, but he’d honestly prefer that to his teammates finding out.

And he knew there was a chance they wouldn’t judge him for it, wouldn’t think it made him less of a paladin. After all, Hunk didn’t care in the slightest. But there was always the chance that they would.

Lance had always prided himself on being able to hide things. And it was even easier to hide things from the team than his enormous, nosy family. 

His ideas, insecurities, homesickness, bisexuality… he’d learned to bury these things deep down inside himself and try to ignore them.

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5

July’s Featured Game: SLARPG

DEVELOPER(S): Bobby “ponett” Schroeder
ENGINE: RPGMaker VX Ace 
GENRE: RPG, Fantasy
SUMMARY: SLARPG is a short, turn-based RPG following the story of Melody Amaranth, a kindhearted but meek transgender fox who’s decided to learn healing magic and become a paladin. She’s joined by her adventurous girlfriend Allison, as well as their friends Claire (a sarcastic, rule-bending witch)(she is also trans) and Jodie (a dependable, somewhat motherly knight). Over the course of the story, our inexperienced heroes will meddle with forces beyond their control and find themselves responsible for the fate of their quaint little hometown. They’ll also fight some spherical frogs, travel to a forgotten land in the sky, befriend a robot or two, and anger the local librarian. But that should go without saying. 

Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

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{Special} College!AU Jaehyun
  • major: visual arts / concentration: sculpture 
  • minor: n/a
  • sports: the star player and point guard for the uni’s basketball team 
  • clubs: wanted to join the art club but it conflicted with practice so his coach said he should drop it 
  • jaehyun is what you could call a campus celebrity, as in everyone always greets him and not only students ,,,,,,,but teachers too
  • all the faculty are always like jaehyun!!! you won us another trophy!!!! and jaehyun is like “well the whole te-” and they’re like cANT WaIT foR YOU TO TAKE US TO NATIONALS
  • and he’s just,,,,very humble about it because he doesn’t really know what to do with all the attention,,,,,and his friends (we are all looking at johnny) don’t let him live it down
  • and it’s /true/ his basketball scholarship is paying his full tuition and he loves the sport,,,,,,,,so he plays and practices with everything he’s got
  • but also,,,,,he’s got interests and hobbies 
  • and everyone on the team thinks he chose his “art major” because it’s “easy” and wont cut into practice 
  • because they’re all like jaehyun,,,,,you’re gonna get scouted and go pro right??????
  • but the reality is jaehyun,,,,,,jaehyun likes art. he likes looking at it, learning about it,,,,,,,,and making it 
  • yuta once pointed out that jaehyun’s hands are perfect for playing basketball they’re strong and big and can hold the ball really well while,,,,,,,ahem taeyong here with his bony little - jkjk
  • but jaehyun had agreed,,,,,his hands are nice,,,,,but they’re strong not only for basketball but because he likes to sculpt
  • just being in the studio,,,working with clay,,,,it calms him down but it also takes a lot of physicality that people overlook
  • and out of everyone it feels like only some of his friends get that his future isn’t just basketball basketball basketball,,,,,,
  • like mark and ten think it’s really cool and taeil always seems to cut the conversation when doyoung and johnny go off on tangents about how ~cool~ pro basketball jaehyun will be
  • but,,,,,,,,jaehyun knows he has responsibilities to the team,,,the school,,,,,and to keeping his scholarship 
  • also lets all take a moment to enjoy jaehyun in the basketball uniform,,,,sweaty,,,,towel around his neck
  • or even better,,,,,jaehyun after practice in a tank top,,,,,sweat pants,,,,,wet hair from the showers
  • ok ahem moving on
  • johnny does this thing where he yells JEFFREY at every game and jaehyun would flip him off if he wasnt such a sweet person LOL
  • keeps all the banners people make for him because he doesnt have the heart to throw them away or not accept them
  • and his roommate mark is like bro,,,,,,,,bro our closet is overflowing,,,brO
  • half the people in his art classes think he’s a joke and try to be high and mighty about how he’s just a jock,,,,,,,,,,but the other half are just heart eyes because wOW look at his muscles 
  • does the thing where he carries everything during studio or shop classes like literally carried about fifteen peoples projects,,,,then held the door open for people getting their huge portfolios or canvases through the door,,,,,got the wood for one person,,,,the clay blocks for another
  • he really cannot say no,,,,,,,its a problem jfldsgifdjlkfs
  • he comes back from class completely SPENT and mark is like,,,,,,,i didn’t know art involved so much,,,,,heavy lifting 
  • jaehyun with his face in the pillow: you dont even know mark,,,,,,you dont even know
  • wakes up super early to go running and do push ups on the field and everyone thinks he’s being super intense listening to some wild edm music getting pumped up but actually he’s listening to a podcast on alien abduction or something because hes always bringing it up like 
  • catch him sitting in sculpture II talking to his seatmate about the existence of extraterrestrial beings
  • and the person is just like ???????? and jaehyun is like “im telling you,,,,,they exist!!!!”
  • and then after he’s sitting next to ten and johnny telling them what happened and how his seatmate looked kinda scared and ten is like oh sweetheart,,,,,,,,,,,,,you probably gave the kid a heartattack
  • johnny just laughs his ass off so much he chokes on his rice 
  • he’s a silly boy,,,who is actually much more than his athleticism and he secretly wishes more people,,,,,,,would just accept him as a normal college student and not the ‘star player of the basketball team’
  • like he wants to join clubs!! meet people!! talk to teachers about upcoming exhibits,,,go to museums,,,,go on,,,,,,,,,,,,,,dates
  • but he also feels like he can’t let people down not when even winwin is asking him to sign his notebook because wow jaehyun is on a real winning roll for the team!!!!
  • sometimes when he gets super tired from practice and class he’ll start sleep talking to himself in english and he’ll do it like right in the library where he fell asleep on his books
  • doyoung even took a video of it and it became a meme on campus,,,,,,jaehyun was not happy and chased doyoung around the campus like ten times till taeil just took doyoungs phone and deleted it
  • doyoung: how did you get my password???
  • taeil: i knew your password was ilovetaeyong don’t play yourself
  • anYWAY  
  • you know jaehyun because he’s in your sculpting studio class and unlike most of the people there you don’t care that he’s a jock but you also don’t care about his good looks
  • mostly because,,,,,,,you care about your sculpture LOL not some dude in class who seems to be involved in so much gossip
  • the one thing you do care about and know,,,,,is that he’s got talent. you’ve been seeing him diligently work on this very pretty marble replica of strazza’s the veiled virgin
  • and it’s hard to make marble look like cloth,,,,,,but somehow he’s been pulling it off nicely
  • and whenever he isn’t in the studio,,,you couldn’t help yourself but go and take a closer work because really,,,,,,,,,did the basketball stare really do this>??
  • and one afternoon you happen to be working on your own piece while jaehyun is around and you know 
  • you exchange the pleasantry nods  and whatnot,,,but for the most part it’s quiet aside from the noise of your tools which is completely fine with you
  • until,,,,,,,,suddenly it’s anything but quiet
  • because the door has busted open and a couple of jaehyun’s rowdy teammates have strolled inside,,,,,,
  • and they’re like “coach said practice schedule is fucked up and we gotta be in the gym in ten minutes, let’s go jung”
  • and jaehyun is like ill be there but i need time to clean up-
  • “it’s just your art stuff, do it later and if its jacked just say it’s ‘abstract’”
  • you pretend to not listen,,,,but for some reason you can already feel something bad is going to happen
  • and just as you gaze over your shoulder you see one the dudes lean against the table,,,,,jaehyun’s almost done sculpture sitting dangerously close to the side
  • before you can think you open your mouth to say he should move it when,,,,,,,the dude turns to look at you and,,,,,,then you hear the sound
  • the sound,,,,,of broken marble
  • the shattered remains of jaehyun’s sculpture spread out on the floor of the studio in a sad,,,,big mess
  • and you can’t see that well across the room but jaehyun’s body has gone rigid and the group of loud boys have come to a hushed silence
  • you hear one of them swallow,,,another says they need to hurry to practice and that he’ll tell the coach jaehyun’s gonna be late
  • everyone leaves and you watch,,,wide eyed as jaehyun stares at the pile that was once all his hard work 
  • you think for a minute that,,,,,he’s going to get mad,,,,start screaming?? flailing his arms??? throwing things??? chasing that douche bag??
  • but jaehyun does nothing,,,,,he just drops to his knees and with his own hands starts to clean up
  • and you ,,,, can’t just watch anymore
  • you set down your own work and go over with a bag, crouching down next to jaehyun and helping him pick up the broken marble
  • startled he looks up,,,,and you can’t believe it when you see him try and force a smile 
  • “it’s ok, you don’t have to hel-”
  • “why didn’t you drag him back here? why didn’t you tell that asshole to go to hell? you at least deserved to do that.”
  • silently jaehyun stares at you,,,,before going back to cleaning with a small shrug
  • “it’s fine. i haven’t been working on this too long anyway.”
  • stopping you move some hair from your face and furrow your eyebrows
  • “what are you talking about, you’ve been working on this for weeks?”
  • jaehyun’s shoulders seem to drop,, his hands shaking over the remaining pieces and you hear him sigh
  • not understanding why he’s holding back so much you ask him again 
  • “why didn’t you tell him to go to-”
  • “because he’s on my team. the team,,,,,is more important right now.”
  • scoffing you push jaehyun’s hand away,,, for a second you think you’re being rude but at the same time you don’t know how to deal with that kind of logic
  • “if the team is important go to practice, i can take care of this. also ,,,,, is it jaehyun?”
  • jaehyun meets your eyes,,,suddenly sitting up straight and nodding and you shake your head
  • “don’t devalue your own work and talent. tell that guy, even if he is on your team that he should have some respect for what you do,,,,,,even if it isn’t baseball.”
  • “basketball.”
  • “what?”
  • “i,,,i play basketball”
  • “,,,,,,,,,,oh,,,,,,,wELL same thing. you should tell him off.”
  • laughing a little at yourself you make another comment that if jaehyun wants you can teach him some ‘choice’ words perfect for telling someone off but jaehyun refuses politely and says that he really cant make u clean all this up
  • but you shoo him away again and jaehyun,,,,stares at you for a moment
  • trying to remember,,,,,your name,,,,,,who you are,,,,,and when he says your name you look at him again and you’re like yes?
  • and he just fluster’s a bit and is like oh ,,, no i was just remembering it,,,im ,,im gonna go now
  • and you’re like ok? and he nearly trips over himself as he’s leaving but you just shrug it off and clean up and,,,,,really you cant believe it
  • murmuring to yourself about how if it had been your sculpture you would have lost your shit
  • but either way you find yourself going into the storage room,,,getting out a new block of marble and placing it on top of jaehyun’s work desk.
  • with a small note: ‘do it again, but this time dont keep it at the edge of the table’
  • at practice,,,jaehyun apologizes in front of the coach,,,,,and it all seems fine but also he cant,,,,,,concentrate
  • because every time he’s supposed to assist or pass the ball he can barely aim and everyone is like jaehyun???? Stop being so upset about the sculpture art is easy to pass, just make something half-assed c’mon
  • and jaehyun doesn’t say anything,,,,but it isn’t even the sculpture that has his brain in a fog,,,,,,,
  • it’s you
  • because ever since he started that class,,,,,he knew who you were,,,,but why didn’t he know anything else
  • and why ,,,,,,,,,,, was he so interested in knowing now
  • the next day,,,after coming to the studio you’d noticed that the marble was untouched ,,, which didn’t bother you but you’d hoped jaehyun would show up
  • and when he did,,,,,,,you were surprised to hear him call out to you
  • standing by the block of marble grinning,,,he pointed to it and is like “a gift from you?” and you just roll your eyes because,,,,,,,,,no it’s a gift from the school because does it look like you have money for marble
  • but jaehyun is still grinning 
  • and you’re like “get to sculpting” and he’s like ,,,,,,,,i will
  • it’s ,,,,, a comfortable silence again
  • just like usual,,,just the sound of tools and the small specks of sunlight coming through the windows
  • but this time,,,,,when you look over to see how jaehyun is doing,,,,,,you look at him hard at work
  • his strong hands working carefully and with detail ,,,, but you notice something else
  • his profile
  • soft hair,,,,long eyelashes,,,,an almost perfect nose,,,,and lips,,,,,parted in concentration with a small hint of his tongue sticking out as he sits back to study his progress
  • and you’re like @ yourself like w,,,,,,what the heck are you looking at go back to your own work
  • but it’s TOO late and you’ve been caught staring and jaehyun is like “it’s not much yet,,,,im kind of not sure what to make”
  • and you try to gather yourself and not make it look like you were totally just checking him out and you’re like 
  • “w-what about the veiled virgin or are you not gonna do that?” 
  • jaehyun scrunches up his nose (so cutely - wait what?) and goes “i want to do something ,,, original,,,,,,i kind of,,,,,well it’s embarrassing”
  • and you’re like ????? whats embarrassing
  • and jaehyun scratches the back of his neck and is like “i want to enter it in the monthly contest at the museum,,,,,,,,,,but i know im not good enough and i dont have the ti-”
  • you put up your hand and jaehyun is like ? and you’re like “that’s a great idea! you should do it, actually you’re going to do it. because you deserve it.”
  • jaehyun seem slightly confused and you tilt your head and are like “whats that look for?”
  • and he’s like n,,,nothing just no one has ever,,,,,encouraged me to do something art related it just,,,,,,feels different
  • you try to hold back a chuckle but you can’t and you’re like ,,,,, jaehyun,,,,,,,do what you want, you have talent so use it oh and also
  • jaehyun lifts his shy gaze to meet yours and you’re like
  • “also learn to tell people off seriously.”
  • and he’s like yOURE STILL ON THAT And you’re like YES I AM SERIOUSLY HOW DID YOU NOT YELL AT THAT DUDE I WOULD HAVE KILLED HIM
  • jaehyun just sighs and is like you sound like johnny he always brings up dumb stuff from the past and ur like who is johnny and jaehyun brings his hands up and is like nothing nothing ill get back to work
  • and ,,,,, it’s like that for a while,,,,,,,,,,,
  • sometimes you and jaehyun are the only two in the room working,,,,,sometimes it’s more people ,,,,,,,, 
  • but somehow,,,,,there’s something between you now maybe like an untold secret???? 
  • the fact that he hasnt told anyone else kind of makes you feel a bit special,,,but you also cant help but think,,,,,whats it like to have no one support you for that long
  • sure people are jaehyun’s basketball fans and whatnot but,,,,,does anyone tell him,,,,,,,basketball isn’t all he has to do,,,,,that art is a choice too
  • and you can’t believe it. you’re having sentimental thoughts about some BOY you’re not even that close with 
  • like UGH WHAT THE HECK 
  • you bang your head against your laptop keyboard and your friend is like dude hello u ok??? and ur like i gtg ,,,, work on my sculpture and she’s like it’s ten pm- and ur like its fine i know where the spare is 
  • and so you head over to the studio,,,,,,it’s dark in the hallway but you can see the lights are from under the crack in the door
  • and when you put your hand on the knob,,,the door opens easily
  • and you see jaehyun,,,,hunched over the marble,,,,,,and you can see that it’s the mold of someones face
  • but there doesn’t seem to be much detail in it yet and jaehyun finally notices you and smiles and he’s like “are you here to work?”
  • and you nod,,,,,coming over and looking at his sculpture before you can’t help it and go “whose it going to be?”
  • jaehyun sits back,,,,chewing on his bottom lip and going “i don’t know,,,,,”
  • you sigh and remind him that if he wants to enter it,,,he’s going to have to submit it to the museum by the end of the week and jaehyun is like i know i know
  • but then,,,,,as you’re both sitting in silence again,,,,,,jaehyun turns around and asks “are you hungry?”
  • and it’s,,,,nearing midnight but,,,,,,,a snack couldn’t hurt
  • and to your surprise jaehyun pulls out peaches and bread from his back and you’re like ??? do you just carry those around
  • and he’s like “yeah i also have protein bars in here, instant ramen - do you want ramen?”
  • and you’re like,,,,,i???? it’s ok ill take a peach
  • before you know it,,,,,your work has been abandoned and you and jaehyun are sitting across from each other talking about this and that
  • till he says something about practice tomorrow at 8 am and you realize it’s past 2 am now
  • and you both have to gather your things and sneak back to your dorms and jaehyun ,,,, before you leave
  • says that he’s thankful that sculpture of his was broken and you raise an eyebrow and he jsut smiles and is like “if it hadn’t broken,,,,,we wouldn’t have go to hang out like this.”
  • and you’re like o,,,h,,,,,,,,,,and god dammit why does jaehyun make your cool, aloof personality crumble
  • but he waves and is gone before you can blush in front of him and embarrass yourself
  • ,,,,,,and it’s like,,,,,,,,,now it isn’t just two art students in a class together,,,,,,it’s friends
  • finally the last day of the week comes and you’re in the studio,,,looking at jaehyun whose covered his sculpture with a towel and you’re like ,,,,,,,jaehyun show it to me
  • and he’s just giving you a sly smile and is like you’ll see it at the museum
  • and you’re like ,,,,,,,,heY where would you be if i didn’t encourage you now show me-
  • but before you can finish your argument the door opens again and jaehyun’s basketball teammates appear again 
  • out of precaution jaehyun moves his sculpture to the table behind him and you give most of them an unamused look as they start touching this and that
  • jaehyun asks whats up and one of the guys is like “c’mon, coach wants us to have a big meeting about strategy for next week.” 
  • you look at jaehyun and then at the sculpture
  • “jaehyun has to come with me to the museum, tell the coach he’ll be there later.”
  • jaehyun turns to look at you,,,,,whose speaking with your hands crossed over your chest
  • the teammates just laugh and are like “and you are?”
  • and you’re like “jaehyun’s classmate. we’re submitting our sculptures to the museum. the deadlines in an hour so,,,,,,,he’ll be there later.”
  • the laughter stops and one of the teammates steps toward you
  • standings tall,,,,,,obviously since he’s also a basketball player,,,,,you don’t let it intimidate you but at the same time you realize that there’s four more people,,,,,,,four more people who dont want jaehyun to go with you
  • “i don’t think i remember jaehyun saying anything about that. so,,,,,he’ll be going with us.”
  • you frown and open your mouth but suddenly jaehyun steps in front of you and lets one hand rest on your wrist
  • and he’s like “guys, ill go with you. no big deal.”
  • turning to you,,,,jaehyun mouths for you to let it go but you can’t,,,,because again,,,,,,basketball is in the way of something else he loves
  • and you’re like “no you won’t, jaehyun you need to submit the sculpture in person -”
  • jaehyun just smiles,,,but you can see the sadness in his eyes and he says its fine, there’s next month.
  • with that,,,you watch him follow his teammates out and you’re left alone,,,,,jaehyun’s hidden sculpture on the table beside you
  • ,,,,,,,,,,,,then you realize,,,,,,,,you can do it.
  • you can submit it for him
  • and carefully, you take the art into your arms and make way for the museum because there isn’t anyway you’re going to let jaehyun’s talent go to waste this time
  • and when you do get there,,,the woman accepting them asks for your name and you go “jung jaehyun” and she scribbles it down and asks what the name of the sculpture is
  • and you’re like,,,,,,,,,well you don’t even know because you didn’t even have the time to LOOK at it
  • so you kind of panic and blurt out ‘the one’,,,,,,thinking it is his first sculpture,,,,,and it is a person,,,,,,,,,so maybe its someone special?????
  • the woman waves her hand and says you may go
  • and with a beating heart you leave the museum and on the train back to school you think,,,,,,why didn’t you look at the sculpture?? were you scared,,,,,were you????? jealous of who it could be??
  • shaking off the idea you think that what matters now is if he wins or not
  • ,,,,,,,,,and like clockwork the results come out and eagerly you visit the museums website and,,,,,,,,,,,
  • the winner,,,,,,jung jaehyun’s,,,,,,sculpture,,,,,,’the one’ 
  • and looking at the photo you almost drop out of your chair because the sculpture,,,,,,,,,,,the sculpture looks like you
  • and with no time to waste you dash out of your dorm,,,headed straight to the gym where you didn’t realize that there is going to be a game tonight
  • and the place is packed with students even though it doesnt start for another hour and you fight through the crowds on the bleachers
  • managing to get up to the court and jaehyun,,,,,whose doing stretches notices you
  • because well,,,,,,,out of excitement you literally run ONTO the court 
  • and the ref and coach are yelling at you to stop but you don’t hear them and jaehyun is like “what are you-”
  • and you run right into his arms and you’re like “jAEHYUN YOU WON!! YOUR SCULPTURE IS IN THE MUSEUM”
  • and jaehyun is frozen,,,,,,the entire gym staring at you two and an uproar of whispers about how one jaehyun is,,,,,,an art major???? two,,,,,jaehyun is dating,,,,,,,you????? i mean you are in his arms?????? you did run acROSS THE COURT to see him????/
  • pulling back you look at jaehyun,,,,who seems to still be processing what you’ve said and he’s like h-how i didn’t submit it? and ur like i went,,,,i put it in and i,,,,,,,,i didn’t look at it but then i saw it on the website and jaehyun,,,,,,,,,,jaehyun was it me?
  • turning cherry red,,jaehyun stutters over his answer but it’s obviously a yes and you grin and jaehyun is like “you inspired me,,,,,,i mean you were the only one to say,,,,,,i deserved it.”
  • and your smile grows wider and you’re like you do,,,,jaehyun look you did it,,,,because you’re talented and i -
  • without knowing how to put it into words you lean in and jaehyun reflexively puts his hands on either side of your face to pull you closer and it’s a kiss
  • right there in front of the whole gym
  • (which you later realize and get vERY embarrassed about)
  • but in the moment it’s perfect and,,,,,,,,,when you pull back you’re like 
  • “oh one more thing before i go because your coach looks like he might murder me -”
  • and jaehyun is like yes?? and you look around and find the dude who had broken jaehyun’s sculpture and you yell out his number and ur like “yeah you number 5,,,,,,,,,,,,this is me telling you off because jaehyun is too nice: GO TO HELL’ ok bye now”
  • and with that you dash off the court before the coach can chase you and jaehyun is standing there,,,,,lovestruck but also shocked
  • and the team is like what the hell jaehyun and he just shrugs because honestly,,,,,,,,,,,,,,you’re wild and he,,,,,,
  • he freaking loves it
  •  you do get banned from games for a while,,,,,but its worth it
  • you hear that jaehyun won the game the next morning,,,mostly because you wake up to find all your friends standing over you demanding to know why the mvp of the uni basketball team just said in his winning interview that his significant other,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,YOU,,,,,,,,,,,really inspired him tonight
  • and you’re like ,,,,me/?? jaehyun??? my??? boyfriend??? and they’re like YEAH EXPLAIN
  • but you dont even know what to say because everything is kind of a blur and did kissing jaehyun in front of the whole student body mean you were now dating??? who knows
  • well jaehyun knows so thats why you go to find him
  • and you do,,,, he’s doing another run on the uni’s track field and when he spots you he smiles and comes over and you’re like heY,,,,,,,,,so,,,,,,,,
  • and he’s like “i,,,,,,hope you,,,,,,,,,didnt mind me calling you my,,,,,,,,,,,s-s-s-s-”
  • “signigicant other?”
  • “,,,y,,,yes”
  • you kind of pretend to make a face and think about it,,,,rocking back and forth on your heels and you’re like hMMM well,,,,,,,
  • and jaehyun’s eyes turn into puppy eyes and he’s oh,,,no did i make you mad-
  • and you just lean up and kiss his cheek and you’re like nah, i like this straightforward jaehyun much more so,,,,,,,be like this more 
  • jaehyun blushing: than can i be honest
  • you: sure
  • jaehyun: ,,,,,,,did you like the sculpture?
  • you: i loved it. also,,,,i never knew someone could make me look so pretty
  • jaehyun: you’re stunning
  • you, blushing and trying to hide it behind your hands: ok,,,tOO straightforward
  • jaehyun throws his arm around you and you guys get off the track field and it’s,,,,cute because you’re walking across campus like an ACTUAL couple and okay,,,,this is,,,,,,something you could get used to
  • but yes dating jaehyun is like dating the sweetest boy who ever lived and ,,,,,,,,,,,wow do his friends really not let anyTHING go
  • you finally meet johnny and the first thing he says is “so,,,,,we gonna get a repeat of that basketball court smooch OH and dont forget the part where you told the dude to go to hell” and you’re like oh my god jaehyun you compared me tO HIM
  • and jaehyun is like oh,,,,,,,you know what i am sorry about that john here is special
  • john: excuse me,,,,,,jeffery
  • you: jeffery? 
  • jaehyun: if it were not for the fact that im a soft angelic person i would have kill-
  • but the rest of nct all really like you because,,,,,,basically you help jaehyun out of his shell,,,,,,
  • taeil and ten especially because wow they havent ever seen jaehyun so open and happy to talk about art???? like they’ve known about his passion but,,,,,you’ve let him explore
  • also oh my god you can really shut johnny up ,,,, but it even works on doyoung???? like one look and walla,,,,,,,,they’re convinced you have magic powers
  • but in reality it’s because you gave doyoung a noogie and made him apologize for asking jaehyun if he could make a sculpture of taeyong’s face
  • jaehyun is the kind of boyfriend that becomes more comfortable with time,,,,which you don’t mind because taking it slow isn’t bad
  • like if holding hands is all he wants to do in public than of course you’ll respect that
  • but also when you steal kisses every now and then while he’s studying or sketching you can liteRALLY feel his face heat up 
  • and you’re like how are you so handsome and yet so,,,,,easily flustered???? and jaehyun is like,,,,i ,,,,,,,,u,,,,,,kiss,,,,,,,,a,,,h,,, i need some water
  • he has a packed schedule between practice and spending more time on his art and you can tell when he hasn’t gotten any rest because he starts getting bags under his eyes and doesnt smile
  • and even though it’s kind of attractive,,,,you hate seeing him like that so you’ll literally sit in front of him and feed him lunch and be like “go to sleep on time, idc if the guys want to hang out after practice do you want to pass out tomorrow in class? no? exactly.”
  • someone once said you were a bossy s/o and u were like excuse m- but jaehyun just went ‘i would die without them so politely, leave us alone.’ 
  • but even with all your worry,,,, jaehyun has also taught you to be a bit softer
  • because yeah you always want to tell off his mean teammates or his over pressuring coach but jaehyun reminds you that sometimes in life you need to girt your teeth and take it
  • the amount of times he’s just pulled you into his arms when you’re fuming to calm you down,,,,,,,,you’ve lost count 
  • does the thing where he nuzzles his nose into the top of your hair and you can feel him grip onto you a little tighter
  • and you realize that even though he’s strong, handsome, and smart,,,,,,even people so perfect need comfort and closeness 
  • jaehyun let’s you wear his clothes but not without him denying that it’s his clothes is someone asks even though doyoung is like i literally gave you that hoodie like a year ago for christmas and jaehyun is like,,,,,,,,,,,i,,,,,,,,,,um
  • and you’re like yeah its his we just spent an hour cuddling in his bed so i wanted to wear i-
  • jaehyun laughing really loud over you like hAHAHA we nEED To go bYE dOYOUNG
  • it’s hard now to work in the same room on your art because you and jaehyun get distracted and its like u can go maybe an hour before one or the other comes over and you guys start talking and its just,,,,,,
  • heart eyes @ each other from then on out 
  • whenever he smiles and the dimples come out you literally are like let me take a photo and jaehyun is like but u have 394302 photos of me smiling,,,,and ur like i can never have enough i love dimple
  • whenever you want to go on dates,,, jaehyun always suggests something outdoorsy and active and sometimes you forget that jaehyun is Good At All the Sports
  • and it’s like dating an olympic athlete,,,,,,you cannot keep up most of the time,,,,,,,
  • but its fine because jaehyun,,,even though he’s trying to run up this mountain,,,,,will contain himself just for you ildjsfg
  • gets corny when he sees kids and is like “a family,,,,,,in the future would be so nice,,,,,,,,” and you’re like “you’re smiling like a dad jaehyun” and he’s like oOPS,,,,,,,,but it’s,,,,,,,,,it’s cute 
  • you can see that he’s so gentle and caring with everyone he meets you can’t help but be like,,,,,,,,he is,,,,,,going to be a great parent some day
  • you didnt believe he could cook well too when ten told you about jaehyun’s secret delicious ramen
  • but then you guys were making some,,,jaehyun standing at the stove,,,,and you sitting on the kitchen counter and when he’d feed you you were like hOLY SHIT THIS IS AMAZING 
  • and jaehyun just laughed and u were just like jaehyun tell me baby are you a robot because you’re good at everything
  • and he was shy but he was like no im real here ill prove it,,,,,,he kissed you and u were like ur right robots can’t do that with their tong-
  • jaehyun: AnYWAY
  • you once stayed at his dorm for a date and when jaehyun picked beauty and the beast you kinda teased him a bit ,,, but also ended up cuddled up together crying about the beast’s backstory
  • and then making out for like an hour because it’s hard not to when jaehyun just wears sweats ,,,,,,and your shirt is really loose,,,,,,,,, and jaehyun is good at kissing,,,,,,,,,,,,very good,,,,,,,,,,,,, and -
  • but mark came back pretty early and you guys had to pretend you were just playing cards instead
  • mark: i didnt know your hair could be so messy playing cards. huh
  • you and jaehyun sweating like uH,,,,,
  • you’d managed to sneak into one of his games but unfortunately instead of staying quiet you’d basically yelled for jaehyun to CRUSH the other team and the coach had to chase you out again
  • but you waited outside of the gym and instead of kissing the trophy and celebrating jaehyun had ran straight outside to you and honestly,,,,,,,,,what could the coach do about that? LOL
  • jaehyun jokingly challenging you to some basketball but since he wouldn’t let you score you were like fine i wont kiss u for a whole week
  • and jaehyun basically begged for you to not be mad and u just couldn’t resist
  • like have you seen jaehyun’s big,,,brown eyes????
  • you’d caved and just started kissing his face all over and jaehyun just grinning and hold you around the waist and ,,,,,,,,,basically you two being super duper cute
  • someone complimenting jaehyun’s artwork: you smugly going that’s my boyfriend and yes he’s amazing and did i mention that he’s taken,,,,i love him
  • jaehyun blushing but also loving the fact that you love him so openly and unapologetically 
  • and wow let me mention this one last time: jaehyun in a basketball uniform but also,,,,,,,,,,jaehyun concentrating hard on a sculpture with a low cut shirt and big hands covered in clay,,,,,,,,like ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,yall

doyoung taeyong | yuta | bangtan | vixx | monsta x | got7 + kard + amber | seventeen

THINKING ABOUT TAKING A GAP YEAR?

hi folks! as most of you will know, i’m currently taking a gap year. i’ve received so many questions about this (mostly asking me for advice) so i thought i’d just gather all the questions and the information i’ve gathered and make a little guide about it all! :-) i’ll be going through why i’m taking one, the advantages and disadvantages and what i’ve learned so far!

► what is a gap year?

first thing’s first: what is a gap year? according to the cambridge dictionary, the definition is as follows: ‘a year between leaving school and starting university that is usually spent travelling or working.’ most people will take a year out before starting uni, but it’s also often taken to prevent a burn out or stress from overwork in later years. the reasons for taking a year out before starting uni vary, but the most common reason is to have fun and explore the world before getting down to some serious studying. as a result of this, young people will have a chance to get to know themselves, and the world around them, a lot better. in general it’s seen as a positive thing, although the opportunity can be wasted if the year is spent being lazy and not doing anything interesting.

► why did i decide to take a gap year?

i made a post about this back in july (2016), but i’ll briefly explain this again. in my case, there were a few reasons why i decided to take a gap year instead of going straight to uni after graduating. the first being that the course i want to do is super expensive compared to the normal courses in my town, so my parents wanted me to work and save money to pay for it myself! since i really want to do the course, i totally didn’t mind the idea of working for a year and saving up the money. the second is that i was only 17 when i graduated, so i’d be moving to barcelona at a really young age to study there. that was something my parents and i weren’t so sure about (considering my age). a few other factors are that i wanted to finish my musical education before leaving, i wanted to have some fun and travel a little before studying and that i wanted to feel really ready for the move. 

► should you take a gap year?

i get asked a lot by my followers if i think they should also take one, and i honestly think it’s way too personal to let anyone else decide! you need to think of the reasons why you would want/ need to take a year out first. i suggest you make a list of reasons why and reasons not to. if one list has better reasons, go with that one! i also suggest you talk to your family, teachers or anyone else you know taking one/ or has taken one. but if you need a little more help, i’ve made a little list of the advantages and disadvantages that you can take a look at below.

► what are the advantages?

there are so many so i’ll try my best to list them all!

  • you don’t have to study: for some people this is a huge advantage. if you’re not too keen on studying, taking a gap year provides a nice long break to enjoy before going to uni to study even harder.
  • you can do the things you couldn’t as a student: think about it: you have a whole year to do whatever you want to! as a student you’re bound to certain activities like going to school, studying, etc. now you’re not in school you can travel or pick up a hobby you didn’t have the time for/ the money for/ or just plain couldn’t before!
  • you can experience the working world before your peers: this is an advantage i regard really highly. i’ve been working for almost 8 months now, and i have discovered so many things about the working world that i wouldn’t have otherwise known. you’ll find out how to find real jobs/ go to interviews/ etc before any of your peers. and with that comes the money.
  • → money: if you choose to work. you’ll be payed good money depending on the job, and with that money you’ll be able to travel or buy things you couldn’t before! you can save it for later life too, which will help you out a lot in the long run.
  • you’ll get to know yourself better: if all your friends decide to go to uni, you’ll probably not be able to spend all that much time with them anymore, leading to you being alone more often. but don’t worry! this can be a really good thing. you’ll get to know yourself better, and by working/ travelling/ picking up a hobby you can really work on yourself. i found that high school really messed up my ideas of myself by trying to fit in. you really get the chance to look after yourself better and to nurture your true nature and personality more.

► what are the disadvantages?

when there are advantages, there will always be some disadvantages!

  • you will feel a little isolated sometimes: if you don’t know anyone else taking a gap year, it’s very likely you’ll feel slightly isolated at times. friends going to school or uni will have a very different schedule than you, so you won’t always be able to hang out with them. this is very easily remedied by keeping yourself busy and active though!
  • you might get out of the habit of studying: because you won’t be in school or taking a course, you might find yourself getting out of the old habit of studying. i noticed how fast my hand got tired when writing for example! this isn’t a huge problem, because you can always keep your habits alive by following online courses or learning a new language for fun!
  • you might become less motivated: this sort of ties in with the previous point, but it’s possible you’ll notice yourself get lazier and lose motivation. the habit of routinely studying and doing your assignments won’t really be necessary during a gap year, so it might be hard for you to get back into the swing of things later on.

That’s it! Hopefully this was helpful to some of you!  :-)

+ gap year series

+ more posts

ダイアローグドラマ ~ベルトルト・フーバー & ライナー・ブラウン side~
ドラマ
ダイアローグドラマ ~ベルトルト・フーバー & ライナー・ブラウン side~

CHARACTER DRAMA TRACK from “ALTERNATIVE DRIVE” CD

Armin
: After being attacked by a group of titans that suddenly appeared within Wall Rose, the cadets of 104th Survey Corps (including Reiner Braun and Bertolt Hoover) have met up with the Eren Yeager’s troop. While resting on top of the wall, Reiner and Bertolt confessed that they were titan-shifters. Using the outstanding power of the Armored and Colossal titans, Reiner and Bertolt captured Eren and Ymir and fled for the forest of giant trees within Wall Maria, where they were planning to recover and wait until night falls to avoid facing the titans scattered around the area.

Reiner: *heavy breathing*  We’ve finally made it to here… Bertolt, how is Eren?
Bertolt: Just like Ymir, he’s still unconscious.
R: I see. It’s no wonder - both of his arms were gone when I ripped him out of his titan’s nape. I doubt he’ll be able to go on a rampage when he wakes up. It was so much harder to deal with him than I had imagined though.
B: Yeah.
R: I didn’t expect him to use those fighting techniques. I used to hold back on him during the hand-to hand combat training.  
B: Maybe he used some of Annie’s techniques? They often trained together.
R: Whatever the case, we only captured Eren thanks to you. I wouldn’t have made it without you.
B: It was only because you, Reiner, lured him to the perfect spot and gave me a signal. I had nothing to do with that.
R: No, you have the strongest abilities of all. You don’t need to wait for my instructions all the time. You should act on your own, at least a little!
B: Right…
R: Ok… I think we should put on the vertical maneuvering equipment we took. It’s swarming with titans down there.
B: If that crowd attacks us, even with our titan powers we won’t be able to reach the wall, especially if we have to carry Eren and Ymir with us.
R: It means we’ll have to wait until night falls. We don’t have any food or water, and we haven’t slept since yesterday – we’ve been fighting without any shut-eye. But we won’t let them devour us!
B: Yeah…
R: It’s just a little bit more… We’ll survive and return home, no matter what it takes.
B: Yes, we’ll return! We’ve at least made it this far.
R: So traitors, huh? …
B: It can’t be helped! We aren’t soldiers, we’re warriors! That’s who we always were!
R: I know that, but… what will Connie, Jean and the rest say when they find out?
B: Reiner… you’ve spent too much time living together with those guys! I mean, of course you’d feel this way, we’ve spent 3 long years there, after all!
R: Yeah… I guess you’re right… we’ve been through harsh training together, we’ve had conversations about everything, we even promised to all go out drinking together if we all managed to get out of it alive…
B: Yes.
R: Oh man, Bertolt, the way they predicted the weather based on the unbelievable poses you made while sleeping! I still remember the “garrison officer is searching for the toilet” one! What a masterpiece! I’ve never laughed that hard in my entire life!
B: When I woke up, I couldn’t tell why everyone was on the floor laughing… *chuckles*
R: So many memories…
B: Yeah… But… it’s all in the past now.
R: True… You’re right… It’s all in the past… It’s all over–No. We have to end this with our own hands.
B: Yes!
R: Hey, Bertolt… do you regret it?
B: You just said it yourself – we have to fulfill our duty, even if we don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong. We have to stay true as warriors and follow through on the decisions we’ve made until the bitter end.
R: Yeah.
B: Our fate was decided 5 years ago when we breached the wall and took all those lives… no, even before that – when we were sent on this mission.
R: You’re right. Somebody had to do it.
B: Of course, nobody does this because they want to.
R: Bertolt…
B: When I was pretending to be a soldier, I could escape from what I’d done for just a little while… I really could think of them all as my friends. You feel the same, don’t you, Reiner?: Yeah…
R: Yeah…
B: Not all of our words were lies… I know it may sound like a silly excuse. But it’s not surprising that they’ve labeled us traitors now. We’re not the people they used to know!
R: You’re right… There’s no point in dwelling upon what’s already happened. We can’t and won’t turn back now.
B: Yeah. That’s why we have to fulfill our mission as warriors and return home!
R: Yes, we’ll do it, no matter what it takes!

Armin: In a few hours, Ymir regained consciousness, and then Eren followed suit, as well.

Reiner: Oh, Eren. Are you awake?