i sort of just need someone to tell me things will be okay. i just need that reassurance right now

settle down | (m)

• pairing: min yoongi x reader, roommate! yoongi
• genre/warnings: smut, angst, fluff, slow buuurrrn, enemies to lovers
• words: 14,930
→summary: An unfortunate event finds you living with the man you practically despise over the summer. However, maybe through a series of fortunate events, you find yourself falling for him…
• note. this is a remastered version of the originally story I wrote called ‘and july’ (found here) that I wrote for suho back when I started this blog, albeit slightly (very?) different.

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i don’t wanna love you | yoongi pt.1

Originally posted by parkejimins

genre: fluff, angst, smut (in bold), college!au

pairing: yoongi x reader

word count: 10,410 (lol)

description: just because he had fallen out of love with you, didn’t mean you had with him.

warning: swearing, smut, things like that

You couldn’t remember when it started, you just remember that one day he started to hold your hand a little less tight and not as often. You remember the gummy smile that was impossible not to love would vanish when he looked at you and reappear when you disappeared. You ignored all the signs that were so clearly laid out in front of you for weeks, but that’s what love does. It makes you blind to the plain reality of things called real life and heartbreak. The last week was when you finally started to stop ignoring the signs - the signs he didn’t love you anymore. But once you stopped it was hard not to feel like everything was caving in. You began to work more hours to get rid of the thoughts but all you could do was stand there as you scanned item after item thinking about how you could have stopped him falling out of love with you. The boys didn’t text you as much (if at all), and they used to text you every day with funny things Yoongi had done that you could make fun of him for. That was when it really hit home, that was when you hid in the bathroom of your work and cried for an hour. You had to lie that you were sick but you weren’t. You weren’t sick but you were far from okay, your relationship was like a bomb - ticking away until it finally exploded. You felt like you were battling with it, trying to cut the wire that stopped the timer but you knew you couldn’t. Your relationship wasn’t an action film, but you wish it was so you could stop the inevitable pain that would take place.

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Dysphoria Tips

To start this post off, not all of these tips will work for everyone! Everyone’s dysphoria is different and everyone has different things that help! 

Also, I am not a doctor or anything like that! And I am a trans guy, so that’s what this is all coming from, I can try to look up how other genders deal with dysphoria, but I think a lot of these ones will also help other genders


- Showering (I know this doesn’t help everyone)
Okay, so I know it may seem like confronting your physical form may not be the right thing to do, and it might not be, but for me taking a shower/bath really helps because I focus more on the routine and what I’m washing than my actual body
Also! Using products that match your gender might really help!! I use the more “masculine” smelling products for my body and it’s super nice ^^ They also have products that are more “gender neutral” if that’s more your thing

- Do something distracting that you enjoy
For example, I love going on walks, drawing, writing, and gaming and any of things things could be distractions from things that you don’t want to think about! You of course don’t need to pick one of the things I enjoy doing, there are lots of things you could do like sports, blogging, listening to music, hanging out with your pets (they aren’t going to judge you!), etc.

- Find someone who won’t judge you!
I know this might be hard for some of you, but I know that I have at least one person to talk to every time I get upset about this sort of thing! My friends will not misgender me, and they will reassure me that I am a guy and I do pass, and all that good stuff! If someone is hurting you and misgendering you and not respecting you, you can cut them out of your life! You are not obligated to keep these people around because of their feelings
Pets can be used for this too! Your animals will never judge you :3 Hell, they probably don’t even know what gender is :D

- Find things about yourself that you like
This doesn’t have to be about your body, but it can be! If you take the time to think about positive aspects of yourself, you might feel a little better. And if you can think about the positive things about your body, like the color of your eyes or the shade of your skin, or how great your smile is, or how cool your hair was in that one selfie, it might make you feel a little better about how you’re feeling about yourself right now c:
If you don’t want to or can’t think about positive things about your body, try thinking about things you’re good at or things you like about your personality! Like how great of a person you are, how nice you can be, how cool you are, or how dedicated you are! Something like that!

- Treat yourself
I know not everyone can go buy themselves their favorite dinner or anything like that due to money, but you can do simple things like watch your favorite movie! Or just let yourself eat that expensive ice cream you bought last week :3 Curl up in your favorite blanket with that one pillow that’s just right, or put on that makeup/outfit that you love! It’s in the little things

- Try not to think about “passing”
I know this is extremely hard, but “passing” is just a social construct. Nobody “looks like a boy” because boys can look like anyone, and the same goes for other genders as well! This is definitely a hard thing to tell yourself, especially since a lot of people don’t get it, but it might help some of you!

- Find inspiration!
Find someone who you look up to, or who is transitioning/has transitioned. Some people (like me) might feel resentment at them for being further into their transition than them, but other might (and should try to) be filled with hope and positivity by seeing that things get better and that it is possible to change yourself into how you want to (or do) see yourself

- Look back
If you’ve already started your transition, look back to months, or years ago! You will be surprised at how far you’ve come
You might even feel more hopeful about the future after having seen how much you’ve changed since before

- Find people to talk to
Find people who are, or have been, in the same or a similar scenario; they know what it’s like and they may be able to help you! They can share what it was like for them and what helped them

- Just. Stop.
Seriously, if you can, don’t do anything that day. Sometimes, people just need a break or some time alone. So, if you’ve been saving up those hours at work, take the day off if you can! If you know there’s nothing important at school the next day, try to stay home and not put yourself through more stuff
Keep yourself safe and comfortable during your break! Maybe use this time to use one of the other techniques at the same time ^^

- Keep a diary
This might seem silly, but I keep a diary off and on and it really helps me! Sometimes people just need to open up, but not to a person 
I named my diary Tina, so it kind of felt like I was talking to a person, though haha
Also, just getting all of this down on paper (or on the screen) might help

- Wear your favorite outfit!!
Find that outfit that makes you feel like a hundred bucks and wear it! It doesn’t matter if you’re staying in your house or going somewhere, wear that outfit and own it! Take a lot of pictures if you like the way it looks c:

- Selfies
Take selfies when you look hella good and how you want to look, so that when you’re feeling down and dysphoric, you can look back at your selfies and be like “damnnn I look hot”

- Workout
This might seem like a horrible idea, but I’ve heard that it works wonders! Just go get beefy or run into your legs feel like jelly
This might also help you sleep, which might help by getting rid of your thoughts

- Sleep
If you can take a nap, or just crash out, do it! You don’t have anything planned and these thoughts won’t stop? Go to sleep. You won’t be thinking of anything if you’re unconscious

- Avoid negativity
If you know someone is going to bring you down, avoid them
Same goes with places! If you know that a certain place is going to be negative or bring negative thoughts on, it’s probably best to avoid that place

- Drink ice water
I find that the painfully cold liquid can really wipe the mind with it’s shocking temperature

- Meditate
If you’re into meditation, or want to try it, I hear it does wonders to find that inner peace and just forget you have a body or end up thinking more positively about that body

- Watch your favorite show
Focusing on something you love, like a series filled with interested characters who aren’t you and find themselves in lots of situations can really take your mind off of things

- Burn incense or candles
Burn it right next to your bed (carefully tho) and make sure it’s a scent that you love! This way, if you don’t get out of bed, you can still have something to enjoy

- Read
Read a book, or a fanfiction, or anything that will capture your full attention, so that you have something better to focus on

- Modify your body!!
Like piercings, and hair dye, and stuff! Hell, even those temporary tattoos are pretty cool :3 This way, you can feel like you’re doing stuff to your body on your own terms
You can even just draw on yourself with a sharpie or something!

- Clean
Maybe just do some laundry or put things in neat little piles! Any amount of stress taken off will feel super good and also you might find that one outfit you lost months ago! (if you’re anything like me haha)

- Name and pronouns
Write down your name and pronouns on things to make you feel a little better seeing that that’s what you want to be called, and it can just be written down like that!
You could also ask some supportive friends to read them or just call you by them for no reason at the moment haha

-  Take up a new hobby
You could spend the time you spend being dysphoric, doing something you enjoy! Learn a new language, or learn how to do arts and crafts, or buy some gardening supplies!

- Save up money
Just stick some coins from the dryer in a jar and start saving up for your transition! It’ll make you feel like things are going faster than they are

And remember: You are valid! No matter what anyone tells you, or how you feel, you are valid! <3

anonymous asked:

Can you please explain this "one word fic" on ao3 to me? I am totally clueless tbh. xx

Okay… you ready for me to go #deep into the conspiracy ;) Let’s look at “The One Word Test” by “””””Dale Pike”””””

S & M… are Sherlock and Mycroft…. and Mark and Steven.

M briefly sees S’s smile, before it’s quickly covered again. To be fair, S isn’t quite the actor that M is.

Mark is the actor. (As Mycroft).  Steven has already joked before, and most recently in the Cambridge Q and A that he can’t act. 

Ever since that train ride — Do you know what I’ve always wanted to do…? Ah, yes, and do you know what would be unforgettable? — they can often communicate near-telepathically.

That train ride. …What’s that famous story of Mark and Steven first talking about Sherlock on a train hmm….

Mrs/Ms Pike is a mixture- foreshadowing Mary (her jewellery, the wedding ring, her saying “wet job” (as in Mary’s wet jobs for the CIA), her Mary head tilt…

But, she’s also S & M’s client. She is us.

She expresses fear to S & M about “what she thinks is going to happen.” Their “plan.”

“Ms Pike, would you say that you know what this case is really all about?”

Her eyes turn fully to him for the first time. “Wouldn’t.”

Odd phrasing. Things that are oddly phrased usually have meaning. “Then wh—“

She holds one finger up to her lips. Shhh.

M actually chuckles now. “Well. We’re in a locked room at the moment. The secret is safe with us, don’t you think?.”

Pike is worried about the secret getting out. But M says ‘we’re in a locked room’ (the heart of the conspiracy?), and ‘the secret is safe.’ And here’s the most damning bit about who she represents for me:

Furrow gradually shifts to frown. Frustration. She wants to get this.

M sighs. Don’t be too upset. It was fun. But now the game is—

Pike looks up sharply at S. Begins to grin again, just perceptibly. Everyone in the room knows what the case is about; she doesn’t need to say that. Cocks head to the right. Another angle, then. Her eyes scan, reading inwardly. Text, text. It’s all in the text. Her lips part in remembrance of things most passionate and most pure, her fingers spread into a five and she silently counts through them, down to the last word.

She wants to get the game. M is about the say the game is over, but is cut off- as she makes her deductions. Text, text. It’s all in the text. Right there, the true story. We were told…

And then she says their Plan is a Big Mistake. (Reichenbach-ing the show? Leaving us in turmoil?) She hints that people will talk (badly) and S is frustrated:  “People do little else,” S snaps. He doesn’t say That’s half the bloody point. The point is that people will say nasty things in reaction, a great backlash….

Also see @avimicah’s meta here on the ‘one word’/Pond/Doctor Who connection…very telling!

But then, we end on a more comforting note….

But M had seen the door crack open for a moment. She obviously didn’t plan showing this; it’s the one thing in her manner that has not been carefully controlled since her entrance to the flat… but there it is. Why this case matters to her.
Oh, Mr Holmes. I owe you so much.
M hasn’t done this sort of thing as much as S has, but he can tell when a client just needs a little reassurance. Talk them down from the ledge, softly. Softly.
“People will talk, Dale,” he says, with gentleness. “What should they talk about?”
Her faint image in the glass is a shadow that crosses the world outside. “Truth.”

The case matters to us, because we ‘owe’ the love story ‘so much’. It’s important. Representation matters. Who we are matters. And M knows this. Has to tell us. SOFTLY, SOFTLY.
People will talk, and we know that, in the end, they must talk about the truth. The true love story.

Now, who the exact author of this story is, is up to you… BUT I’d say the author’s notes become much more funny if you see them as being written by a real writer….

Apologies for:
1) Spoiler alert for Series 4. Or 5. Or whenever they get around to it.
2) Atrocities. I could probably be a good writer; if someone would just teach me how to use ellipses properly. And…

…semicolons.

Update: It’s been over a year and two episodes since I posted this. And wow, does it ever still hold up.

Nice grammar joke. Who does that remind me of….and a jibe about how long “they” take to get around to series 4 and 5…. making fun of the writers?… or teasing, self-deprecating, self aware humour……

And then, some gems from the final footnote:

4) Watch that unforgettable adventure narrated by Peter Falk.

PETER FALK WAS THE GRANDFATHER WHO NARRATED THE PRINCESS BRIDE. :)

Dear S & M (& ST… sorry, but you were hard to work in):

S & M…. who has the initials ST? …Ah, Stephen Thompson…. and he was much harder to work in because this was S & M’s plan, cooked up on that train…. 

Basically, read that story. Welcome to the heart of the conspiracy. ;)

Imagine you tried to rob a wizard's tower

The cold stone walls close in on you. There’s fresh, clean straw under you and an empty bucket in one corner. A torch burns resolutely in the hallway. You knew this was a stupid idea. One of the boys in your village convinced you that the wizard is a fraud, that his potions are sugar water and his magical talismans are useless bits of junk. The boy dared you to sneak into the wizard’s tower, steal something, and bring it back. You agreed, but mostly to shut him up. You’re not afraid of the wizard or his alleged power. There’s no such thing as magic, after all.


The wizard’s tower was just outside of the village, at the edge of the forest. If it had any kind of guards or defenders, you’d never seen them. You snuck in through a crack in the wall and looked through shelves of bones and crystals and things you couldn’t even identify, searching for something small enough to slip into your pocket. You were startled by a noise behind you, and even more startled when you turned to look at the source. A little humanlike figure, about the size of a pigeon, sat perched on a shelf and grinned at you. It spread out its batlike wings and said something in a language you’d never heard, a few syllables that echoed strangely in the small room. Everything went black, and when you woke up, you were in a cell.

So here you are, imprisoned. There’s a man looking at you through the barred door. He’s a short and slight, with a neatly trimmed beard. You’ve seen him before, hawking the wizard’s wares in the village market, all smiles and lofty promises as he peddled healing potions and fertility charms. He is not smiling now.

“Why did you invade my tower?” he asks. “Go on, let’s hear it.”

You’ve always assumed that he was actually the wizard’s assistant, or just a hireling. He looks nothing like you’ve always pictured wizards. He’s wearing a look of extreme annoyance and the kind of tunic and trousers that wouldn’t look out of place on the village innkeeper. You don’t know what you expected. Elaborate robes and a long gray beard. For some unknowable reason, you’re unwise enough to say so.

“The robes are only for ceremonial use,” he says. “They are dreadfully uncomfortable. I can’t be bothered to wear them all the time. You break into my home, and now you expect me to walk around draped in all that nonsense just to meet your expectations?”

Lost for words, you can only shake your head.

“And what about you?” he asks, crossing his arms. “Why are you here? I warn you, I won’t take pity on you no matter how heartrending your story is. Your mother’s dying from some horrible disease the healers have never seen before? Is it your sister? Are your crops failing? I rather liked the thief who said he needed a lucky charm so he could win enough gold to pay off his gambling debts. I can imagine how he got into trouble in the first place.”

“A boy in the village dared me,” you admit, and your voice comes out as little more than a whisper. It sounds pathetic even to you. Your heart is pounding and if you weren’t still on the ground, you’d probably collapse anyway. “I only said yes so he’d shut up. I didn’t even take anything. I swear, I’ll never come here again-” You trail off as the words die in your throat.

The wizard closes his eyes and sighs deeply. “Those charms I sell in the market? Those are mere trinkets,” he says. “Little things to keep the villagers happy. You have no idea what I can really do. If you ran off with something really dangerous, you could unleash horrors you can’t even imagine. I mean hellfire raining from the skies, cattle transforming into ravenous beasts. And that would be the least of it. You could end the world.”

“I’m sorry,” you try to say, but it just comes out as a squeaking noise.

He’s still glaring at you, but something in his expression actually seems to soften a little. “Still, you’re honest,” he says. “That’s a rare trait.”

“Are you going to let me go?” you ask.

The little winged creature is sitting on his shoulder. It chitters at you and draws one slender finger across its throat.

The wizard smiles coldly. “Eventually,” he says. “I can’t let intruders just run off on their merry way. You might decide to pay me a return visit. Or tell someone that I’m soft on thievery.” He pulls a bottle out of his pocket and holds it up to the bars. It’s clear glass, with a cork trapping some clear reddish liquid inside. “Here’s the deal. Drink this, endure what’s going to happen to you, and then you can go. Don’t drink it, and you’ll stay locked in this cell forever or until I find another use for you and all those delightful organs of yours. You would not believe what you can do with a human spleen.”

You hesitate. “Endure” is a very scary word, considering your current situation. But he did promise to let you go, and whatever that potion does can’t be worse than staying locked up forever. At least, you hope not.

The potion bottle clinks against cold iron as you pull it through the bars.. It’s heavier than it looks. “What is it?” you ask, studying the contents. “What’s going to happen to me if I drink this?”

“And ruin the surprise? It will hurt,” he says. “It won’t kill you. If I wanted to kill you, I wouldn’t have bothered with the cell or dangling the thought of freedom out in front of you. I’m not that sadistic. Well, I am. But only sometimes.”

It’s still not very reassuring, but what he’s saying makes sense. He hasn’t hurt you so far, besides locking you up. And to be honest, taking his offer is the best option you have available. “Okay,” you say. “I’ll drink it. And then do you swear by the Light that you’ll let me go?”

The wizard is quiet for a moment. “The Light and I are not on particularly good terms,” he says. “But if it puts you more at ease, I swear by the Light that I’ll release you alive and unharmed.”

Somehow, it doesn’t put you at ease at all. But you believe him.

You try to open the potion bottle. The cork’s wedged in tightly and your hands are shaking too hard to pull it out. The little winged creature flutters off the wizard’s shoulder, flies right through the door, and lands beside you. Its agile fingers work the cork out easily, and the creature holds the bottle out to you expectantly. The potion smells like herbs and something you can’t quite identify.

“My familiar will have to stay here to keep you company,” says the wizard. “I can see through its eyes, and it is rather stronger than it appears. I’d advise against trying anything. Now, drink that so I can get back to work.”

Closing your eyes, you swallow the bottle’s contents. It tastes overly sweet and your throat tingles afterwards. You’re tingling all over, actually, and you can feel something shifting deep inside of you. There’s a twinge of pain deep in your belly. “What did I just drink?” you ask, trying to fight off a feeling of impending doom. “What’s happening to me?”

The wizard’s already setting off down the hallway. “You’ll see,” is all he says.

***

The familiar can’t seem to sit still. It paces up and down the length of your cell, occasionally flying out through the walls and back again. Whenever you try the walls they’re solid rock; the familiar must be able to pass through them magically. Once, you get up to try the door but the familiar just chitters at you menacingly. You sit back down and try to ignore the growing ache in your belly.

It started out as a mild annoyance, so slight you thought you were imagining it. Now it feels like someone’s punched you in the belly; not hard, but it hurts enough to be distracting. It feels like hours have passed but aside from the stomachache, nothing else seems to be happening to you. Maybe the potion really was sugar water after all. Or maybe it just didn’t work. You hope it didn’t work. Then the wizard’ll have to let you go just like he promised, right?

Your clothes are getting tighter around your middle. That’s odd. As you reach down to put a hand on your stomach, an icy rush of panic fills you. Your belly’s growing. It’s slow at first, but it soon starts growing faster. Eventually you have to strip out of your clothes just to make room for your new bulk. Once, a woman in the village gave birth to twins, and you’re bigger now than she ever was. You sit with your back against the cold stone wall and watch as you grow bigger and bigger, pinned beneath your own growing belly. Whatever’s inside you, it’s so heavy that you’re not sure you could stand up if you tried to. You run your hands over your belly, oddly fascinated by the feeling of it under your fingers. Your curiosity almost overcomes the fear.

Something slick is running out of you and down your legs to pool in the straw bedding. You wonder what’s inside you, and if it’s close to being born. Some kind of creature? You’ve heard that pregnant women can feel their babies moving, but you don’t feel anything besides a steadily growing weight. So maybe it’s not a creature.

That’s almost comforting. You’ve been imagining all kinds of horrible scenarios. Now you don’t need to worry that there’s some sort of demon beast about to claw its way out of you. Well, you weren’t worried about that before. You’re a little worried now.

All at once you feel a rush of fluid and some immense weight slipping into your passage. All your other thoughts vanish. There’s something inside you and you need to get it out, that’s all you know. You push, but you feel like the thing inside you is barely moving at all. You whimper in pain as you push harder, and you think you can feel it just barely inching its way down your passage.

You can feel your skin bulge outwards as the thing moves downwards one agonizing push at a time. The wizard said it would hurt, but this is so much worse than you feared. You feel tears streaming down your face as you try to force the thing out. You can feel it straining for release at your entrance. It’s barely half out and it’s already stretching you impossibly wide. By the Light, it feels like you’re going to split open. But you don’t, and you watch dumbfounded as an egg slides out of you.

An egg. You’re being held prisoner by a sadistic wizard, and he’s forcing you to lay eggs. It would be almost funny if you weren’t in so much pain right now. You let out a groan as another one enters your passage, begging you to squeeze it out. Again, you start to push, and again, you feel like the egg is barely moving at all. You scream, but it dissolves into helpless sobbing.

This is impossible. That first egg felt bigger than anything you could possibly squeeze out, and who knows how many more you have inside you? The wizard said he’d release you “eventually”. What does that even mean? How long does he expect to keep you here? Hours? Days? Weeks?

The familiar picks up your egg and flies out of the cell with it, apparently having no trouble carrying an object bigger than itself. You wonder where they’re going, what the wizard intends for these eggs. But then you need to push again and the effort drives everything else out of your mind.

The second doesn’t come much easier, but after another exhausting ordeal an egg drops out of you and onto the straw below. And, again, the familiar scoops it up and flies off with it to who knows where. You feel a third egg enter your passage. Then a fourth, a fifth. You’re losing count. All you can do is keep laying eggs and pray that there’s an end in sight.

They start coming faster and faster. After you birth each egg you barely have time to catch your breath before the next one starts working its way out. You barely noticed it through the haze of pain but now you realize that your belly hasn’t been shrinking. In fact, it’s growing. New eggs are forming inside you faster than you can push them out.

A horrible thought occurs to you.

“When I lay them all, that’s it?” you ask the familiar, between gasps. “He’ll let me go?”

The familiar nods excitedly.

“But-” You thought you were out of tears but now you can feel more welling up. You just keep growing more. You’ve been tricked. The wizard lied. He’s never going to let you go. You’ll just stay here in this cell forever, spewing out eggs until you die, wondering when the tide will finally stop. Your throat’s already hoarse, but you scream as another egg starts to slide down your passage.

***

You cry in relief when you notice that your belly is finally shrinking. By the end, the eggs just slide out of you with no resistance; you couldn’t stop them even if you wanted to. Your hole is stretched beyond recognition and every part of you hurts. You lie there in the straw, too spent to move. “Please, let it be over,” you whisper. You’ll never steal anything ever again. You’ll go to the Chapel of the Light every Sun’s Day and pray for forgiveness. You’ll kill the bastard who dared you to come here in the first place.

The wizard steps into view in the hallway as his familiar carries the last egg away. “Normally I give my guests a second or third dose of the ovigenesis potion,” he says, by way of greeting. “But, well, you were honest with me. If you like, you can have this instead.”

The potion in his hands now is one you recognize. It’s one of the milky-pink healing potions he sells in the marketplace. He offers it to you and you drink it down without an argument. It takes effect almost instantly. Your pain fades and you can feel your poor, abused muscles repairing themselves. In a few minutes you feel almost as good as new. Almost.

You were too exhausted to realize that you’re still naked. Naked in front of a strange man who has you locked in a cell. Reflexively, you cover yourself.

The wizard chuckles a little. “I can see through my familiar’s eyes, remember? I’ve seen all you have to offer and I have no prurient interest in your body. To me, you’re just a source of raw materials.”

You really don’t like the way he says that. Your hands stay where they are and you look over at your discarded clothing. Your discarded, wet clothing. Ugh.

“I can clean the…assorted fluids out of your clothes. You know, with magic.” He mutters something and waves his hands. The familiar neatly folds your clothes and lays them on a dry patch of straw. “There we go. Do you have any other pressing needs? A glass of water, perhaps?”

You answer no. Actually, you’d love a cold drink of water right now but besides the healing potion, you’re not sure you’d feel safe drinking anything he might offer you.

The wizard shrugs. “As I promised, you’re alive and unharmed. Mostly unharmed, at least. My healing potion will take care of that. I’m sure you can feel it working already. When you’ve recovered, you can leave.” He turns and walks off into the darkened hallways.

Strength returns to your body and your poor, abused hole even starts to close up. When you feel confident that you can stand without falling over, you dress yourself and follow the chittering familiar out through the wizard’s dungeons. You head out through the tower’s front doors and into the night. Outside, the breeze smells sweeter than the finest perfume. You stagger home and collapse into your bed, sleeping soundly until well into the afternoon.

***

You never go near the tower again. The village boy shows up at your house the next day and asks what happened. You’re tempted to punch him, but you don’t have the strength. Instead, you tell him to fuck off as viciously as you can manage. He doesn’t bother you again.

But it doesn’t quite end there. You try to avoid the wizard’s stall on market days but somehow he’s always right in your path, and he always greets you with a wide smile and a cheerful “Well, if it isn’t my favorite customer!” Sometimes, he tries to offer you a very familiar red potion. Your heart stops when you see it, but then he gives you a wink and slips the bottle back into some hidden pocket.

Lately he’s been selling “dragon’s egg” potions and carved amulets. Whenever you see them set out and glinting in the sunlight, you ache somewhere deep inside. You’re sure those eggs didn’t come out of any dragon, but you can never work up the nerve to ask.

You develop a profound sense of appreciation for chickens and egg-laying creatures of all kinds. You can never look at an omelette the same way again.

And it turns out that the potion never truly wore off. Once every few months, you’re awakened in the middle of the night by a sharp pain in your abdomen. The wizard’s familiar swoops in as you push a giant egg out of yourself, cackling to itself as it watches you strain. Laying the egg is always worse than you remember; every push feels useless, like the egg’s trying to cling to your insides out of sheer spite. Eventually it crowns and then slides out, leaving a void where your insides were stretched around it.

Every time, you wonder if this egg will really be the last one. Every time, you ask the familiar to tell the wizard you’re sorry, you never meant any harm, and can he fix what the potion did to you?

The familiar just grins at you and flies off into the night, holding your newborn egg in its arms.

(Hi! I’m deepoceanblue and when I sat down at my computer, this happened. Thanks for reading <3)

come alive with every touch

Originally posted by teamsebstan

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Female Reader
Rating: T - no real warnings.
Summary: You and Sebastian met a few months ago while he had a break between movies. Since then, you’ve grown close, and you decide to surprise him on location in Atlanta.
Author’s Note: Hi, hello. I’ve never posted RPF on this blog, but I had a request to write something for Sebastian Stan. General disclaimer: I don’t know Sebastian, or any of the people in his life. Any similarities are coincidental, and there’s no disrespect intended to anyone involved.

You’re nervous, to say the least. It’s a little crazy, what you’re doing, but you didn’t let yourself start second guessing.

The last time you Skyped with Sebastian, he looked and sounded so tired. Not just physically, but you could see it written all over his face. He’s running on fumes.

He loves his job. He’s told you as much, but you can tell it gets to him sometimes - the long hours and days that seem to bleed together. Your heart goes out to him, because if he’s feeling half as anxious as you are about your job, he’s probably teetering on the edge.

You’re in the back of a cab on the way to the location for his latest film, though he doesn’t know that. You were only able to get the info from his manager, whose details you had to hunt down online. You felt like a stalker, but it was all finally worked out. Turns out Sebastian had mentioned you enough that his manager knew who you were, and she helped you plan the whole thing.

Smiling to yourself, you hope he’s happy to see you. You haven’t seen each other in person in six months.

Keep reading

Companions reacting to a pregnant Sole going into labor in the middle of no where.

AN: Oh I’ve got a thing for romanced companions ones :D Thank you for the request! Because of this I now know what to do if a woman (or me for that matter) is about to gonna give birth in the middle of nowhere or in a car or sth. I’m learning some life skills here! ;) PS: the first ones got a bit long I tried to kinda restrain myself after those to avoid tldr but man this ask is technically fanfic/oneshot material.

Prologue:
Sole’s eyes widened. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” She figured she could make it back to Diamond city in time to give birth to this kid and settle down there for a while… take it easy. Clearly she had been mistaken. This baby was coming and nothing was going to stop it. She looked over at her companion, who was still oblivious to what was happening, and pointed at a very, very shabby looking hut-like thing in the distance. “Let’s check that out.”  She figured that was exactly how far she was still going to get. As soon as they closed the door behind them she hunched over, stumbled over to the remnants of a bed and grabbed on to the upper arm of her companion. She looked him straight in the eye. “ Looks like this baby isn’t waiting around for the due date. I’m having this baby. Now. “ 

Codsworth
“ Oh dear! Okay, it’s happening! Let’s… let’s get you comfortable, Mum!” Codsworth put on a brave face and tried his best to keep his cool but could not for the life of him hide his panic (or excitement, Sole wasn’t entirely sure) in the slightest. Sure, he wasn’t exactly programmed to help bringing children into the world but he was sure that they would manage, after all “it is a beautiful and natural part of life, mum”. His peptalk, including those exact words, served more to soothe himself than to soothe Sole,
“Codsworth I appreciate you wanting to make me feel better but let’s focus on this tiny human getting out safely rather than on peptalking me, please?”
“ Certainly! Oh, it will be such a beautiful child! I bet it’ll have your eyes,Mum.” 
“ Codsworth… I’m in a lot of pain.”
“ Err… right. What should I do?” 
“ Get out water, some clean cloth or clothing to wrap this kid in, anything helpful.” Another contraction hit her. “ Right. Now.”   Codsworth tried to hide that he felt at a loss considering he had no clue on how to proceed next. In between contractions, Sole just told him what to do next as he meticulously followed her every instruction. He hated that he couldn’t help her with the pain but it’d have to do. 

Danse:
Danse stayed remarkably calm and got out of his power armor. Sole kept his eyes on him. Sure, she hadn’t expected him to be the kind to go  frantic but he was far too calm… did he think she was kidding or something? “ I’m not joking.”
“ I am aware of that. There is no need for concern. Breathe in, breathe out and relax.I won’t let anything happen to you or this baby.”
 “Danse, I know for a fact that ‘how to be a midwife’ is not part of the Brotherhood’s training process.” 
Danse smiled, she didn’t think she’d ever seen him more in love with her than in that moment. “  Ensuring that you are prepared for the mission you will embark on is part of the training. I made sure I was well-informed  and therefore know precisely what to do. Our only concern is potential complications.” Sole’s stomach turned at the idea of that being a possibility and regretted not listening when he had urged her to just lay low and stop travelling around sooner.  He took some clean cloth, water, a stim pack, a pipet… out of his backpack and took his top off. Sole’s tried to smile but the pain made it difficult.  “Danse… I appreciate the distraction but …”
“ We need to keep this child warm, body heat is ideal. I presumed you are in enough discomfort already however you can certainly opt to use your own body heat.” Sole grimaced. Yeah, she was in enough discomfort already indeed.
“ No thanks. “ He got a blanked out and put it over her after helping her out of her pants, presumeably to keep her warm. 
“  You might have to breastfeed the child as it will lessen the bleeding due to the hormones.” She smiled at Danse. “Thanks for having my back.” 
Danse gave her a reassuring smile and brushed some hair out of her face as gently as possible. “ Thank you for being the love of my life and giving me a family. Hang in there Sole, you’re going to be allright. Both of you. I will protect you, no matter what. Both you and our child. “

MacCready:
 MacCready seemed to be lost in thought. “ Don’t just stand there, now what do we do?”  He sat down beside her.
“ We don’t have time to get you to a doctor so we’re gonna have to make do with whatever we’ve got here. But hey, how hard can it be right?”
“ You have no idea.”
“ Right, sorry. Lucy made it very clear to me that it wasn’t easy when she had Duncan. The things she yelled at me, I thought I’d pull back a bloody stump considering how hard she squeezed my hand. I’ve only seen it and even I felt traumatised. I mean, damn what you women do is way more badass than anything that I…“
“ Yeah, real comforting there, MacCready.”
“ *ahum* Anyway I think I’ve got this.” He grabbed a somewhat clean shirt from his duffel bag and started ripping it up after putting his coat underneath Sole. The house may have come with a bed but clean sheets were something else entirely.“ You’ve still got some purified water, right?” He looked through her stuff and lifted the bottle. ‘Found it!’
“ I appreciate you trying to stay calm but I doubt having watched it once makes you any more of a midwife than me.” 
“ Someone once told me the second kid is easier though?”
Sole groaned and shot him a vicious look. “Sure as hell doesn’t feel like it.”
“ Okay, you’ve got this. I’ve got you. This baby is gonna be come out you’ll forget about all the bad stuff. Start with those puffy breathy things.”
“ Puffy breathy things?”
“ ‘C mon you know what I mean. ”  
MacCready focussed on her, showing to be much calmer than she was. However she noticed some tears welling up in his eyes. 
“ You’re gonna be fine. “ He grabbed her hand while she was still puffing. 
“ It’s always nice to see you this emotional, MacCready. “ She was expecting an excuse, from the dusty place to a full-blown twig in his eye. Perhaps onion-cutting ninja’s for the occasion.
“  I’m about to see my second child. This …  This is a big deal all right? You’ve done so much for me. You’ve given my son his life back, you’ve given me my life back and now you’re bringing another one into this world. And I get to raise them with you. Damnit Sole, I love you.”
“ No cursing.” She squeezed his hand at another contraction. 
“ Yeah you’re gonna have to let go cause I gotta get there now though.”

Deacon:

“ Ohkay… well I used to be a nurse once upon a time, all the doctor’s fancied me… probably because of the blonde wig and my long legs. “
“ Deacon, this is really not the time.”
“ I could be telling you the same thing.” She shot him the kind of look that made him count his lucky stars for her currently not being capable of fighting him because she would’ve handed him his ass. She hissed at him; “Look I know humor is your way of dealing with stressful situations and usually I am all for it. But not. Now.”
Deacon couldn’t supress a wide grin. “Well I helped get it in there I suppose I can help gettin’ it out.”
“ I swear if you’re gonna keep blurting out ‘funny’ shit you’re gonna make me a single mother.” Deacon was still smiling.
“ That would be a crying shame, especially because you would be dealing with the crying. Actually, maybe that’s preferable, then I get some peace and quiet.’
“ Really, Deacon? That’s your reaction? Don’t you think it’s a bit early for bad dad jokes?” 
“ No. Panic. I would say panic is my reaction. This is the scariest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. Feel better knowing that? What do you suggest we do?” 
“ Get some things ready and please, please don’t do the fake being hurt thing when I yell insults at you because my sense of self-control is at an all-time low.”
“ Gotcha, By the way, you’re doing great, keep up the pushing.” 
Sole groaned. “Less peptalk more getting your kid out because just like their dad it loves to get me stressed out.” 
“ Aww, they take after me already.”
“ Deacon, shut the hell up and get my pants off.” He opened his mouth again when Sole yelled ‘NO innuendoes.”

Gage:
Gage’s eyes widened… “ Come again? This is some sort of bad joke right? Here?” 
Sole shook their head. “ Not the kind of thing I joke about.” Sole doubled over, hand on her belly, at another contraction. “Some help’d be nice”
He sighed and picked her up. “ Well shit boss, I’m not prepared for this.”
“ Should’ve thought about that before you got me knocked up Gage.”
He smiled a little.“ That’s what you get for always taking what you want I guess.” 
“ Oh please, if you had taken anything without my say-so you wouldn’t be breathin’ anymore. For now you’re gonna have to take off that armour and make sure you get this kid out safely.” Gage sighed. “I didn’t sign up for the getting it out part.” 
“ And I didn’t sign up for defeating your Overseer with a squirt gun, shit happens. We need to get this child out safely.”
The look on Gage’s face shifted as he got out some clean water. Shit, what else did he need for this. Sole noticed.
“ Wait… is that concern Gage?”
“ I… No.”
“ It actually easy, that I’d live the day to see this.”
“ This is my kid too ya know. I don’t want it to have the kind of fucked up life I’ve had, but it’d be a good start if it comes out kicking and screaming. But cause someone refused to stay put I’ve gotta help you get my kid out.”
“  Say whatever you want, I’ve found a soft spot in that cold cold heart anyway.“ Sole winked before another contraction plastered a look of pain on her face again.
“ I’ll guide ya through it Gage. But I can’t hold your hand through this cause  you’re gonna need them. So get something to put this baby on.” She decided that the last thing she had to do now is get insecure, wouldn’t help either of ‘em.
“Damn boss, you’re somethin’ else. Fuck it, let’s do this.”

Hancock:

“ Looks like this kid takes after their dad, life’s to the fast and the rebellious. “
“ Yeah, high five it when it gets out but help me first.” Hancock looked rather happy until he noticed just how much pain Sole was in.
“ You alright?” Sole looked at them. If looks could kill…
“ And people say there are no stupid questions.” She folded double, grabbing at her abdomen. “ This hurts like hell.” He guided her to the bed and let her lay down on it. 
“ I’d give ya some chems but that’d be bad for the baby.”
“ No kidding, I’m not having any of that filth now regardless Hancock.”
“ Guess we can’t make it to Diamond City anymore? I was looking forward to finding out whether they’d really let me in with you by my side, me being the father and all that.”
“ Hancock, focus. No small talk. I could use some help getting my pants off.” 
“ Ah, just what you said when we conceived the little one. Good times.” Hancock winked. Sole would laugh if the contractions weren’t hurting quite as much as they were. “
“ Alright… let’s fuck this shit up.” Sole slit her eyes. “Let’s fuck this shit up? Seriously? Look I know you’re a man and all but I speak from experience when I say this is not that easy.”
“ You’ve been dating a me for a while now darling, in comparison this is gonna be a freakin’ breeze. You’re a fucking superhero and I love you. Now, lay back, push and let’s hope this baby gets their looks from mommy.” 

Originally posted by daisyjm75

Maxson:
Maxson didn’t waste any time and picked her up. He put her down on the bed gently and seemed extremely calm. 
“ Maxson, are you even processing what I just said?” 
“ I know precisely what I am doing and  yes I have. We have this under control.”
Sole groaned in pain. “ Speak for yourself … the pain is getting worse.”
Maxson got out a wide array of things he needed to deliver the baby .
“ You do what I tell you what I tell you and there ought to be no issues.”
Sole scoffed. “Sure, cause you know all about babies. Maxson, with all do respect, this is not exactly the same as commanding an army.”  
 Sole clenched her teeth and dug her nails into what was left of the matress on the bed before screaming out. Maxson rushed over and for a moment his facade cracked, he was worried about her, brushing some hair out of her face.
 “ Are you alright?” 
Sole grimaced. “ Hardly. What happened to having everything under control?” 
“ Our child will be safe, it’s you I am concerned about.”
“ What makes you so sure Maxson?” 
“ I asked Cade what I would need to help you deliver this child if he wasn’t nearby. I have prepared for this potentially happening and have all the required equipment at the ready.” Sole screamed again, he grabbed her hand. 
“ I swear I will protect you and this child. I will send a message to the Brotherhood after this and they will come pick us up in a ventibird. And then you will rest.” Sole grinned. “Never listened before.”
“ I’ll lock you up if I have to, I care more about your safety than about some missions.”
“ You mean you love me more than the Brotherhood? That’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me.” She screamed again and grabbed his hand, he didn’t even flinch as she squeezed as hard as she could.
“ I love you and this child more than anything. Now focus on doing this. You are my goddamn Sentinel for a damn good reason, you can do anything. That includes this. Just… whatever you do stay with me.” 


Kent:
 “I really don’t think this is the time. I mean…”
Sole grimaced. “ I don’t think this kid cares about whether it’s the time for it.”
Kent supported Sole and put her on the bed.  “ Are you sure we can’t make it to Diamond City?”
“ On the list of things not even the Silver Shroud can do: delaying childbirth.”  Kent looked around nervously. “Okay… okay. What should I do.”
“ Stop looking so panicked for starters? Just do as I say and this will be fine.”

Preston:
“ We’re having this baby now? Really?” Preston could hardly hide the happiness and excitement on his face when it dawned on him that the circumstances were hardly ideal for someone to give birth. He looked around. They were in a small shack in the middle of nowhere… panic crept up on him. He looked at Sole who seemed very busy with putting on a brave face but he knew when someone was scared. He picked her up, knowing he had to be the strong one. She had enough on her mind now. “ I got you. This baby is going to be fine.” He gently put her down on the bed in the hut. 
“ I was hoping for better circumstances but at least it isn’t raining, right?”  He held her hand. 
“ This is not the first time I’ve helped someone getting a baby out in the world by the way.” Sole laughed a little, very faintly because of the pain. 
“ You mean you’ve got a bunch of kids running around?”  He laughed and brushed some hair out of her face and helped her take off her pants and get a little more comfortable. “ No, but we do a lot in the Commonwealth. There was once a pregnant lady among the people we saved. The stress made her go into labour sooner than expected. But the baby pulled through.” Knowing that he had done this kind of thing before soothed her  a little.
“ I’m going to look for things we can use. Some clean cloth, water,… You’re going to have to take your top off too I’m afraid. Saved the mother. The child’s grandmother was with us and she told us it could stop the bleeding faster. I’ll get you a blanked though.” Sole nodded. 
“ You’re going to be okay. I promise.”


Nick:
Nick immediately focused on getting Sole calm and comfortable on the cot in the hut. “ Listen to me, kid. You can do this. We’re going to get this baby out safely do you hear me?” Sole nodded, still biting down on her lower teeth.
“ I guess it’s gonna have to come out somehow.” She smiled a little but still looked panicked. What if something went wrong? They first thought there were complications with Shaun’s birth as well but it quickly turned out to be a false alarm, she might not be as lucky this time.
“ The first thing you need to do is slow your breathing, relax.”
“ Easy for you to say.” The pain of the contractions wasn’t getting much better. He took off his coat and put it underneath Sole.
“ That’s gonna be messed up if this kid when the baby comes out Nick. Blood doesn’t wash out easily.”
“ Do you honestly think I give a damn? This is our child. I’m going to try to get you comfortable.” He did as much as he could to make Sole lay down in a comfortable position.
“ It’s not my comfort I’m worried about.” Nick sat down next to her and grabbed her by the back of her neck until his forehead touched hers. “ First of all; I love you. Second; when I say push you’ll have to push. I will support the baby’s head and make sure they’re breathing, okay?” Sole nodded. Nick planted a kiss on her lips. “ Everything is going to be alright. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, I will not lose you or this baby”

Sturges;
Sturges’ eyes widened. “Oh… okay, no need to panic we can do this.” Sole grimaced. “ I’m not so sure about that.” 
“ Hey this is nature, you’ll be fine. I’m right here, I won’t let anything happen to you or to our baby.” He smiled at her in such a proud way that her heart melted a little. 
“ This is not exactly how I wanted things to go down sturges.”
“ Hey, look at me alright? You’ve got this. You’re a badass, I’ve seen you save so many people and survive against all odds, even if you can’t properly install a tap. This baby is going to conquer the world with a mom like you. Everything’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna get something to wrap the baby into, okay? Lay down and try that breathing thing.” He walked to his backpack but immediately walked back over to her and brushed some hair out of her face. “ I forgot to say one more thing… I love you.”


X6-88:
“ The nearest point we can transport to the Institute is 5 minutes away. I suggest we start moving.”
“ I’m not gonna make it there.”
“ You are.” He lifted Sole up and carried her to the place they were supposed to be. X6 seemed to be convinced he had it all under control although he looked more stressed than Sole had ever seen him. He barely managed to get Sole to a point where she could be transported to the Institute and once there started yelling orders at each and every doctor. As they frowned at him for presuming he, as a synth, had the audacity to doing so Sole yelled that he was officially her second and would be obeyed. Especially in these circumstances.
He continued his orders and Sole noticed a hint of a smile. Someone stood beside her and urged her to calm her breathing to delay the birth a little. X6 soon sat beside her, holding her hand.
“ I’d hardly considered you the sentimental type.” 
“ I am aware of the fact that squeezing someone’s hand aids them in getting the focus off the pain to some extent.” With her next contraction she squeezed again, hard. Part of her didn’t give a damn but she looked at X6 regardless, trying to figure out if she hadn’t hurt him.
“ I can take it. Do whatever you need to do.”

Originally posted by lightwood-shadowworld

Love Potion Number Nine

Summary: Derek decides to take a love potion, but things don’t go quite the way he intended.
Note: Written for Teen Wolf Bingo (“Stiles/Derek”). Loosely based on the song by the same name. (On AO3)


“Deputy Stilinski,” he hears over the radio. “We have reports of what appears to be a drunk and disorderly accosting people on the sidewalk.” Stiles looks up from the ticket he’s writing. It figures, on the one day he’s assigned as the downtown traffic cop. “He’s near your location,” dispatch continues, giving him pertinent information.

“Okay, I’ll intercept,” he says, ripping the ticket from the pad and tucking it under some poor fool’s windshield wiper. Shouldn’t have illegally parked, buddy.

Keep reading

Your Move

The nine times Simon and Baz prank each other and the one time they don’t

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

March 28

Baz

I haven’t had nightmares like that in years.

           Replaying the scene of my mother’s death is a classic, and it’s been a while since I’ve dreamt it, but it almost always has me waking in a cold sweat.  Occasionally I see it as I did when I was a child, but often it’s me as I am now, and the last thing I see is the look in her eye.  It’s not afraid, it’s just sad, disappointed that I’ve carried my sickness with me all these years.  That I never finished what she started by sending the nursery up in flames.  That I’m still walking the planet with vampire’s poison in my blood.

           There’s always the reassuring thought that I’ll wake up as soon as I’ve seen that look and the fire takes over, but this time it doesn’t work.  I keep dreaming, and it gets worse.  It turns into the nightmare that haunted my dreams almost every night for all of fifth year.

           I have to bite Simon.  I’m starved of blood and he is placed before me, veins pumping like drums in my head.  Someone somewhere is egging me on, sometimes it’s Fiona’s voice, sometimes my father’s, sometimes my mother’s.  I keep telling them no, and then Simon picks up a knife.  He tells me it’s okay and he presses the blade to his neck, tracing a shallow line and drawing just the thinnest stream of blood but the smell alone is enough to set my senses blazing.  I’m begging him to stop and he just walks calmly up to me, like the hero that he’s always been destined to be.  

           Sometimes I wake up in time.  Sometimes I don’t.

           When I don’t, I give in.  I always give in.

           His blood tastes real and alive and after one drop I lose control, drinking from his neck like I’ll never eat again.

           Sometimes I stay in the nightmare long enough to feel him run his sword through my stomach before I wake up.

           That’s what happened last night.  Before I was shaken awake, clutching at the phantom blade in my stomach, to find him gazing down at me with wide, fearful eyes.

           In the moment all I wanted was to pull him into my arms, to convince myself that he was real, we were awake and alive. Well, him at least.

           Instead I burst into tears in front of him.  Of course.

           He made no further move to comfort me, which is for the best.  Where in Merlin’s name would we have gone from there?

           When my alarm goes off this morning, I don’t bother hitting snooze.  I just slam the off-button and sit up.  My eyes are fuzzy and heavy, and I can feel the tears dried onto my cheeks.  I feel like a bear waking up from a terrible hibernation.

           Simon hauls himself out of bed, his curls standing up off his head like he was the one who didn’t get any sleep.  When he looks over at me, there’s a sort of caution in his gaze.  “You alright?” he asks tentatively.

           “Brilliant, Snow,” I croak, my voice raw from crying and the little sleep I got, “never been better.”

           He doesn’t move to get ready or even get off the bed, just keeps staring at me, and I can only imagine what I must look like right now.  Red, puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks, probably a rat’s nest of hair.  A wreck.  A vulnerable wreck.  Wonderful.

           “Maybe…” he ventures, trailing off.

           “Words, Snow, I’m not in the mood to read your mind.”

           “Maybe you should skip class this morning.”

           I scowl at him.  “I know I look like death, but it’s nothing a hairbrush won’t fix.”

           “No,” he shakes his head, bronze curls falling in his eyes, “I mean you need your sleep.  I can say you’re sick or something.”

           I raise an eyebrow.  “Since when are you invested in my well-being, Snow?”

           “You didn’t hear yourself last night,” he mutters, and I think I see him shudder, staring at the floor, and it dawns on me that I must have been talking in my sleep.  My blood runs cold imagining what he might have heard, what I might have revealed.

           “No need to worry yourself,” I say, though I can barely keep my eyes open.

           At this point, he gets up and crosses over to me. I’m too shocked to protest when he gently pushes me back to the mattress and pulls the covers over me again, but I look up at him quizzically.

           “Just go back to sleep,” he tells me before heading to the bathroom to change.

           I’m practically asleep again by the time he leaves the room, shutting the door slowly and quietly, like I’m a sick child in his care.  The thought should be terrifying, but I’m out like a light before I can finish it.

*** 

           Even though I sleep for another few hours, I still wake up in a bad mood.  The rain pouring down the window doesn’t help, and I just have too many thoughts swimming around my head to feel refreshed.

           Second class has already started, so I take my time in the shower, scrubbing the feeling of the sword away from my torso. If I think too long about my nightmare, the tear-tracks on my face start to feel like Snow’s blood, and I rub the sensation off until my cheeks are burning and red.

           I don’t think about the nightmares.

           I don’t think about the concern in his eyes last night.

           I don’t think about his gentle touch pushing me back into bed.

           Instead, I think about our game.

           Snow never made his move.  So what does that mean?  He sure didn’t look like he wanted to pull anything on me this morning.  In fact, he looked quite the opposite, almost guilty, like he felt responsible.

           So who’s move is it?

           Mine,I think as I shut off the water. He forfeited his turn, so now it’s my move.

***

           I wait until classes are over to act.  I haven’t seen much of him since this morning (Crowley knows he can’t be seen talking to me in a civil manner outside the room), but I find him in the study hall.  Bunce and Wellbelove sit across from him, the three of them engrossed in their notes and textbooks.  Snow has a set of earphones in, and his phone sits on the table beside his work.

           None of them notice me when I come in, nor when I take a seat on the other side of the room.  I open one of my own books but I can’t concentrate when I look down at it. I’m still feeling the effects of the terrible night I had, plus I’m not even here to study.

           I see Snow say something to Bunce without removing his earphones.  He must have the music low enough that he can still hear.  Perfect.

           I wait a few more minutes, until he’s lost in his notes again, before pulling my wand out of my pocket.  I won’t be able to swing the wand as usual with this many people around, but I discreetly aim it at Snow from across the room.  More specifically, at Snow’s phone.

           “A little bit louder now,” I whisper.

           Snow jumps back from his table, frantically ripping at his earphones as his music goes from quiet to blasting in less than a second.  Wellbelove actually stands in shock, and someone’s papers go flying.  

           I don’t see the tail end of Snow’s reaction, as I have returned to staring pointlessly at my text.  When I glance back up, he’s turning the phone over and over in his hands, trying to figure out what happened.  Bunce hands him her earphones.  Classic.

           This time he only puts a bud in one ear, and he’s visually stiffer, ready to react if it happens again.  Which it will, of course it will.  Once he’s dropped his guard and I get bored of skimming over my book.

           This only takes approximately fifteen minutes. After another five, he’s noticeably flagging, his eyes drooping closed, the heel of his hand pressing a red mark into his cheek.

           As if he lost sleep last night.  As if he’d had the nightmares about killing me.  Well, not me, I suppose.  Someone who matters to him as much as he matters to me.  Wellbelove, maybe.

           That thought alone makes me sick.  Stupid Wellbelove and her stupid perfect hair and perfect face and perfect clothes. I almost want to turn my curses on her.

           They haven’t dated in almost a year now, but the fact still remains that they did.  At one point, Simon looked at her in that way that makes bystanders sigh and go all mushy.  He doesn’t look at her that way anymore, but it’s like a stain that won’t come out.  I can still see it, or imagine that I’m seeing it.  I wonder if it will ever go away.

           It’s with this thought in mind that I cast the spell a second time, expecting some sort of satisfaction when he once again jumps a mile into the air, but finding nothing but bitterness.  Stupid Snow and his stupid golden curls and splatter of moles.  Fuck him.  Fuck the way his eyes turn into oceans in the dark.  Fuck his crooked smile and the way his laugh makes the rain turn into sunshine.

           I forget to look away when he catches me glaring at him, and too late I see him figure it out.  He doesn’t glare back defiantly like I expect him to, just holds my gaze levelly like he understands.  What in Merlin’s name he’s understanding is beyond me.

           Thrusting my chin forward I mouth the words “your move” slowly and obviously. He just nods once before turning back to his books, deliberately leaving his earphones on the table.

{ unexpected guest }

pairing: hamilsquad x reader

prompt: Hi there! I was maybe wondering if you could make a hamilsquad fic about when the reader is alone in the house/apartment then suddenly robber shows up and sees her and the rest is up to u?

a/n: yes! i hope you like it! i have a hercules one that kind of follows this prompt so it’s called “vacancy” if you’d like to check it out! 

t/w: none! 

inbox || masterlist 


“Make sure the doors are locked, love.” Alex advised you, kissing your head from where you sat on the couch. You were sitting cross legged, totally engrossed in the newest episode of your favorite show with a blanket wrapped around you tightly.

You hardly noticed until John waved a hand in front of you. “Baby? Did you hear Alex?” 

“Yes. Lock the doors.” You said absentmindedly, looking around him. He managed a laugh and you gave him a small smile. “Promise I’ll be okay, Jack. You guys can go now.”

“You sure, princess?” Herc raised an eyebrow slightly, already slinging his jacket over his shoulders. He looked over at you from where he stood near the front door. Alex got up to look for something, mumbling things you didn’t quite pick up as he got up from the couch. He hurriedly gave you one more little kiss before he did so. John kissed your forehead and headed over near Herc.

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Touch: Part 2

Requested by: Anonymous
(Here are the specifics)

Pairing: Reader x Bucky
Word Count: 3.4K
Warnings: Angst, fluff, (vague) mentions of torture and medical procedures, swearing

A/N: I love this request and couldn’t resist revisiting this fic one more time!

Part 1

~~Bucky’s POV~~

Bucky impatiently waits, his legs unable to stop from bouncing, as he keeps his eyes glued to the hangar entrance. You’d been gone on a mission for a few days now, and even though he’d seen how capable you are in the field, he still stresses when you were on a mission with him to make sure you were safe.

“Are you sure they’re coming?” Bucky asks, chewing on his bottom lip,

“Yes,” Steve reassures him for the 10th time, “The comms are down on the quinjet, but Nat never misses a deadline. She said they’d be back at 2pm, just give them time,”

Bucky nods, Steve’s words having not really calmed him down. As if on cue, the double doors that lead to the hangar bang open. Bucky’s head snaps up and his nerves finally start to fade. He can’t keep the smile off of his face as he waits for you to wander into the compound.

But that’s not what happens. Bucky watches as Natasha slowly walks in, looking like she was in another world. Her eyes were staring straight ahead, but she didn’t seem to be looking at anything or anyone. Bucky’s breath hitches in his throat as he notices her damp lashes and your absence.

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Hellsing & Vulnerability: Alt. How Sad is Alucard?

Gentlemen… I am a nerd.

Case in point: during my lunch breaks, instead of surfing Facebook—something I save for the comfort of my couch—I am on the TED talks website. Nothing makes my day like learning something new; I would take infinite college courses if they didn’t cost a dime, no matter how stressful the workload would be. Give me a lecture on anthropology or ancient history and I am happy as a lark.

Recently, my lunchtime lecture was given by self-proclaimed researcher-storyteller Brené Brown. It was entitled “The Power of Vulnerability”, and I highly recommend you view it [link here], if you’re interested in human nature like I am. Anyway, so I’m sitting there, half-reclined with the door to my classroom locked and fully engrossed in both the video and the sandwich in my hand, when it hits me. I’ve heard of inspiration washing over people like a wave, but when I get it, it’s like an arrow straight to my brain: sudden, unexpected, and I can’t think of much else afterwards.  

My brain sent a single thought through my head, one that made me stop chewing and run it through two or three times to make sure I’d heard it right: Alucard’s greatest fear is vulnerability.

Emotionally, that is.

Well, wait, I countered myself, taking another bite of my sandwich. Who isn’t afraid of vulnerability? It’s sort of a given: we don’t want to let anyone else—who can do harm—into the deepest, most secretive part of our souls. But then, as I thought more, I realized that although we as humans try to hide it, vulnerability also has a little habit of sneaking through.

Humans, as a species, are amazing. My favorite thing to learn about is universal experience. For example, all nations seem to have the odd occurrence where a child’s father tells corny jokes that often fall flat, but are funny because they fall flat. But dad jokes aside, universal experience bleeds into vulnerability like pink on a white dress. You don’t have to know someone’s language to know that they’re smiling because they’re happy, or covering their eyes and cowering because they’re afraid. Body language, facial expression, the look in their eyes—it all goes without saying, no matter who you are or where you’re from. Isn’t that amazing???!

(Clears throat) Since I was supposed to be talking about Hellsing, I’ll use an example from the manga/OVA. Also—do I even have to mention spoilers at this point? It should be assumed, but even so: spoilers!

The scene I’m thinking about is not Alucard, but rather his master. When Walter shows up on the streets of London, dressed in conveniently found leather and sporting some impressive age reducing cream, everyone is astounded. Seras gasps dramatically, Alucard smiles like he always does, the Iscariots go “No, no, don’t step there!” collectively. But what always got me was Integra’s reaction. Not immediately, though she does kind of waste her nicotine on the bloody ground, but afterwards, when Alucard asks her what he’s supposed to do—kind of. That one page became one of my absolute favorites in the manga, and it’s an excellent jumping point for our talk about vulnerability.

See, Hirano didn’t have to say “Oh, she’s super sad. That was her butler and kind of her second dad and now he’s thrown their relationship away to fight another dick also dressed up in leather”. He didn’t need to say it. She says it all without a word in edgewise about it: clenched fists, watery eyes, a tightness in her stance that suggests fighting back tears… she’s in despair. When you see a panel like this, it’s all too easy to remember that she’s a young 20+ woman who just lost the last person she could theoretically call family.

Heartbreaking, but what’s my point? Think about it. She was in the middle of a war, her house is on fire, vampires are trying to bite her, she was unofficially kidnapped and held hostage by a bunch of weirdos working for the Vatican, and she remains calm and cool. Her breaking point only comes when something cuts her to the core, something that she can’t deal with without instantly having to fight against the tears that would show everyone—enemies included— “hey, I’m hurting emotionally, I really need comfort and reassurance.”  

POINT #1: Vulnerability shows when a person feels a pain so great that it strikes a chord within their soul. Remember it, bookmark it: it’ll come back up later.

Another big thing, that I didn’t really think about until Mrs. Brown touched on it, was that the only people who don’t feel shame are the ones who lack the ability to connect empathetically with others. Now, I know you just read that and thought “Wait, weren’t we talking about vulnerability?”, but trust me on this. It’s just another point I’m making.

Now, let me ask you this: What is the defining term between the words psychopath and sociopath? Most people put them on the same lines, but there’s a major, major difference. That term is conscience. Psychopaths lack a conscience. They feel no sense of right or wrong about what they do. They can’t connect with others. Sociopaths, according to experts, have a weak conscience. They feel guilt or remorse, but it’s not strong enough to guide their hand like it might be in the average person’s mind.  

Now, Mrs. Brown found in her research that the underlying cause for shame, for people saying ‘I’m not ___ enough, I don’t deserve love or happiness” is excruciating vulnerability. The people who were ashamed of themselves were also afraid to let their inner selves show to the world. And the only people who don’t feel shame are psychopaths, who lack empathetical connections with others.

Point #2: Sociopaths can feel shame; therefore, they can feel vulnerable. You can probably see where I’m going at this point, right?

Last point: Mrs. Brown, in her findings, talked about something called “numbing vulnerability”. She talked about how humans will try to numb the emotions that they don’t like or agree with, the ones that cause them pain or go against what they consider their morality. Think of monks and nuns giving up pleasures for devotion, that sort of thing. But humans can’t just numb things that make them suffer. When they do, it starts numbing other things, too. You can get rid of shame, of guilt, disappointment, but at what cost? Joy, gratitude, happiness.

POINT #3: Those who chose to fight against vulnerability, become miserable.

Think of the London Blitz, or as I call it: manga catharsis. Everyone—Iscariot, Hellsing, Millennium: they all blew up, shot a man or two, got their emotions out, and if they lived they went on with their lives. SAY THAT I’M WRONG. Out of all the people that could have cried their eyes out there, which one of them did? (looks at camera like the office) Which one of them had a complete screaming, crying meltdown and showed a surprising amount of true vulnerability to a dying man as well as like, fifty other people who were just kind of hanging back and watching it all play out?

It wasn’t Seras, I’ll tell you that much. T_T;

Let’s take our three main points and apply them to the 600-year-old… uh… guy.

Point 1: Why did he have that fit in the first place? Catharsis, I tell you! Anyway, he was angry at Anderson for becoming a… plant thing dude. Ugly. He was mad at Anderson for turning ugly. (coughs) But if we take that point into thought, Anderson’s ugliness—okay, the nail loophole—cut him so deeply that it struck a chord within him, and he couldn’t help but rant and rave against what had happened. And, we can assume that unlike Integra, it went so deeply that he couldn’t stop the tears in time. Why? Because—and this is a bit of conjecture, but I think I can safely say—what Anderson did hit on a source of deep shame for Alucard, shame that he hadn’t been strong enough, brave enough, whatever enough to stay a human and instead became a vampire.

Summation: Alucard has the ability to feel emotions, and these can be forceful enough to provoke a reaction from him.

Point 2: Alucard is, I believe, a sociopath. Prevalent more in the manga, and subtle in the anime/OVA, he does appear to have the ability to connect with others. In the manga, he’s seen joking around with Walter, teaming up with Seras to tease Integra, getting along with Pip in a business-like way, and you can even go so far to say that he has an—albeit unhealthy—connection with both Anderson and the Major. Of course, it’s sometimes possible for people to fake these connections, but I don’t think that’s the case BECAUSE of his breakdown in London.

As stated earlier, to feel shame and vulnerability, to be burdened with emotional pain, is a sign of someone who has morality and can form relationships. Now, that’s not saying he’s a good guy—not at all. As a sociopath, any emotion he feels that gets in the way of his ultimate goal is easily ignored. He might feel guilt, shame, pain, or remorse for his actions, but he simply chooses to do it anyway and probably doesn’t bother to consider it more than a minute or two.

Another example is his and Seras’s little spat in the hotel room. She argues that the people he killed are humans, innocent of anything other than following orders. He shouts at her, yanking her up by the collar and yelling in her face. Then, when she starts to cry, he puts her back down and is more subdued. Now, there’s two ways I look at this: firstly, his expression when he sees her tears. He looks, in the OVA at least, almost shocked that she’s crying, and then seems to rethink his actions. Now, he wasn’t rethinking the killing, per say, but instead he felt something about making her cry. This leads back into the ability to make connections. He felt—bad?—about her tears, so he promptly stopped the offending action and reformed his behavior to something more acceptable: a quieter tone, placing her back on the floor, backing away to give her space. A psychopath wouldn’t care that he’d made her cry, having no emotional connection to her. But Alucard cared enough to stop the behavior, which means that he cared enough about her to at least think “I should not be doing this to this person. Let’s stop and do something else.”

Summation: Per the clinical definition of a sociopath, Alucard has the ability to both make meaningful connections with others. Whether he makes those connections or not is up to him.

Point 3: Throughout the manga/OVA, a close observer can see Alucard fighting against himself—and his emotions. When he dreams about his demise at the hands of van Helsing, he cries in his sleep. However, upon waking he is apathetic about the experience, dismissing it as “a dream; it was nothing”. He feels disgust and anger when a guard kills himself, rather than let Alucard rip him apart while alive. He speaks out against monsters “like me[himself]”, pleading with Anderson to stay human even if it costs him his life. He demeans himself at different times, often in soliloquy or as an undertone to a sentence.

This provokes the question: Does Alucard consider himself worthy of happiness? The answer is probably no, he does not. He shows himself to be very self-critical of his past choices, although he accepts all of them for what they are. However, instead of learning from his past and starting over a new leaf, he remains on the same path of death and destruction. One can assume that he might feel trapped by his own actions, unable to rise up and overcome to begin life anew. This might be why he waits for someone to kill him—a punishment that would, ultimately, free him. This would be a miserable, endless existence, one of self-loathing and an eternal feeling that he is, and always will be, beyond any sort of redemption.

Summation: Alucard’s shame and constant fighting against his own emotions has caused him to turn bitter against the world, as his existence is a cold, bleak realm of misery.

Now for the (deep, echoing voice)

 REALM OF OPINIONS:

If all of the above is true, and can be said about Alucard, here is what I think. Alucard would view his vulnerability as something weak and useless, to be despised and ignored for as long as possible. In short, I think that he would consider vulnerability to be something wholly

human

, and that as a monster he has neither need nor inclination for exposing that side to others. As a human, he was taken at a young age and abused, which set the foundations for what would have otherwise been a happy, healthy adulthood. Surely as a prisoner of the sultan, any weakness would have been mortifying to show to his captors. Even now, as a servant to the Hellsing Organization and British Empire, he would feel it better to hide any emotion that he truly felt behind a mask, so that they could have no ammunition to use against him if the time arose. This does not, however, stop him from at the very least forming a social bond with a few select people, even if they remain outside the field of acquaintances. It is shown through the manga, anime, and OVA that although he walks with both feet in the lawless side of existence, he has the ability to be polite, civilized, work with others, be a teacher, understand the implications of his actions, tease others, even laugh and cry. Despite hating the human part of himself, it is still a core element of his being. I leave you now with questions and thoughts: you are more than welcome to continue the discussion in the comments, PM me, reblog, etc. In fact, if you liked this read, please reblog it so that others can see as well! If Alucard can feel vulnerable, what other situations might he willingly/unwillingly show it? Men are automatically expected by society to be more aloof and emotionless than women, though it is not the case in the slightest. How might this also play a factor in Alucard’s psyche? Is this another part of the reason he loathes himself?If he were ever willing to step back and take a look at himself, or even go to therapy, how would that affect his behavior? As a sociopath, would he make a willing change, or would therapy only further complicate things?


I also want to do a talk that’s more about my fanfiction side of things, which will be coming up VERY soon. I hope you enjoyed! Please let me know what you think! I leave you now, with a quote from the TED Talk that Mrs. Brown gave, that I think sums it up nicely.


But there’s another way, and I’ll leave you with this. This is what I have found: To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen … to love with our whole hearts, even though there’s no guarantee — and that’s really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that’s excruciatingly difficult — to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we’re wondering, “Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?” just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, “I’m just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive." 

Before the Dawn (Part 3/?)

Summary: The Avengers are called to destroy a HYDRA weapon, but when they arrive at it’s location, they find you there. Bucky knows you’re highly dangerous, your powers even more so, but he can’t help but get closer to you.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (slower burn)

Word Count: ~2500

Warnings: Language, angst, and food/starvation tw!! (nothing is majorly detailed, but it is mentioned/is a theme!)

A/N: Apologies for this update taking so long, but school has been kicking my butt, and obviously, that comes first. Still, I hope you all continue to enjoy this series! (Also, I’m putting a Wanda GIF because I love her & she’s a bigger character in this part.)

Originally posted by dailywandamaximoffs

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Happy WEEK FIVE of Hannah’s Sunday Reading List! Such a lovely week of reading as usual… once again, I love that I continue to find more and more blogs with such beautiful writing!! I actually went out of my way this week to look for writing as well… I hope you don’t mind! Doing this is so much fun for me… and I’m glad to see that you guys are enjoying it too!! 

****Don’t forget to tag me in your fics!!! If I tagged you in this list this week, please make sure to continue tagging me in your future posts!!!****

Here’s what I’ve been reading this week:

Sunday by @reidoneshots (Spencer Reid x Reader)
First of all, what a fitting title lol! I thought this would be a great way to start us off :-) I’m sure you’ve heard this… but I am a sucker for Spencer as a father!! My weakness! This was so beautifully fluffy - from start to finish, it flowed beautifully and had me hooked the whole time. Loved it!

Curves and Edges by @reidbyers (Spencer Reid x Reader)
I am SHOOK!! This is honestly one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read… and that’s the truth. The rawness of this is what got me. All of it is so real and relatable, and not only is the idea great, but the writing is too. You’ve got a real talent, my friend - I can’t wait to see what you have coming up next. :-)

Chopsticks by @criminal-minds-fanfiction (Spencer Reid x Reader)
Finally, Urnayme has found something that Spencer doesn’t immediately excel at!! One of my favorite things about your writing is that you always fit a little bit of “you” in there. The “Hi Spencer. I’m very well thanks. Nah, you’re not at all intruding, come right on in” sounds like something you would say… :-) your writing is always a favorite, Cher!

Frenemies (1, 2, 3) by @axstheticminds (Spencer Reid x Reader)
Mari!!! This!!! is!!! AMAZING!!! (Sorry, I’m just really excited about this). I need the next part. I need it!! Okay so I really loved the art museum scene - “ I wasn’t very good at ever understanding art” he said embarrassed, “You always were.” *high pitch squeal* That was such a Spencer thing to say. Your writing makes me so happy ugh this is going to be another amazing series, girl!

Payback’s a Bitch by @dontshootmespence (Spencer Reid x Reader)
Oh, Nicole… this was hot!! The whole time I as thinking, “Aww, poor Spencer,” but at the same time I was like, “Yes!!! KEEP TEASING!” I think you captured perfectly how squirmish and whiny Spencer would get in this sort of situation. Your writing blows me away every time!

Smile by @spencerreidsmiles (Spencer Reid x Reader)
This was p e r f e c t. I reread it like, 100 times because it made me smile so much. What started off a little angsty ended nice and sweet - just how I like it! I could see this turning into a huge series… just sayin’ ;-) This is a totally original idea, and I’m so glad that it was written by you! I honestly can’t stress enough how great of a writer I think you are.

I’m Pregnant… And I Have Feelings for You by @marvelfanlife (Spencer Reid x Reader)
Ahhhhh! So cute! Of course Spencer would reciprocate his feelings for the reader. I love this fluffy piece so so much :) I love the conflict (obviously the pregnancy is one) of the secrets kept from each other. Friends with benefits having feelings for one another is such a complicated thing to write, and I think you were spot on! Can’t wait to see what you write next. :-)

Supermarket Flowers by @zugzwangxo (Spencer Reid)
Congratulations Lee, you have made me cry with this one! This song just makes me emotional in general, but paired with your beautiful writing was a perfect storm. I also liked how you briefly mentioned Spencer’s struggle with his faith. This is such a huge possibility as to what could happen in the show… Okay, I could honestly go on and on about story, but I will just end it with a: Great job, Lee. I will be rereading this many in the future.

Seven Years Later Part 2 by @axstheticminds (Spencer Reid x Reader)
I’ve been so excited for this next part, and you definitely delivered!! I love this whole idea for this fic. So original… you’ve got me hooked! But is this it?? Was that the last part?? YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME HANGING LIKE THAT. It takes a lot of talent to get people hooked like the way you’ve hooked me… Mari, you always amaze me with your great writing and great ideas!!

Today Was a Fairytale by @original-criminal-fanfics (Spencer Reid x Reader)
Jasey, you always have the best fluff pieces. Whenever my sweet tooth is aching, I come to your blog and sift through your masterlist :-) This was another great one! You portrayed Spencer perfectly - I’m sure he would be the perfect gentleman during a night out. Lovely as always!!

Blanket Stealing by @dontshootmespence (Spencer Reid x Platonic Reader)
I am loving this dynamic between Spencer and the reader!! I think it would be awesome if Spencer had someone like that in his life. There was such a carefree feel to him in this story and I loved that. The bickering made me giggle :-) I’ve never read anything like this before, but I can already tell you that I’m obsessed with it!!

I’m All Yours by @speedreiding (Spencer Reid x Reader)
Jealousy isn’t a side of Spencer we get to see often - I think you portrayed it perfectly! The reader reassuring him, and the smut… I can’t believe this was your first time writing smut!! It was wonderful! So gentle and sweet; it was perfect for a first time sex experience! I really liked how you created a back story and your own touch to the requested prompt. This was an awesome read!

Way Better than Bumble by @a-bau-tiful-mind (Spencer Reid x Reader)
This caught my eye when I was scrolling through Tumblr and I couldn’t stop reading it once I started! This trope is always such a good one, and I like how you made it your own. The way the reader and Spencer hit it off totally made me squeal. I really love your writing style!! I hope to read more soon :-) (Also, the title is wayy cute!)

Becoming Real by @dontshootmespence (Spencer Reid x Luke Alvez)
I THINK YOU BROKE ME!!! Daddy Spencer… Reidvez… in one fic?! You’ve killed me forsure. In the best possible way, of course! I live for this ship. And once again, you’ve proven that you can write anything and everything! The way you wrote their relationship is exactly the way I had it in my head… now, just need it to be canon… ;-)

Supposed to Be by @bookofreid (Spencer Reid x Reader)
I’m just… wow… I have no words. okay wait because i actually do have words This whole thing was just… out of this world. Your flow, word choice, everything was spot on. I loved how it started off with only descriptions, no names. Just a nameless man and woman, simply being described. I’m not sure what else to say other than WOW. I admire you and your writing!!!

Things Change~Wonho Angst

Originally posted by wonho-shin

*GIF is not mine credits to the owner*

Word Count: 1.6k

You and Hoseok have been friends since your freshman year of college. Both of you are now out of college chasing your dreams.

Hoseok was in a group called Monsta X. You’ve met all of the members, and they were all sweethearts. They all treated you like you were apart of the team, and you were grateful that Hoseok had such amazing people by his side.

The two of you hardly saw each other now a days, but both of you weren’t particularly worried about it. When you guys did meet up, it was like the two of you were never apart.

It had been about two months since the two of you had saw each other. Now this hadn’t been the longest since you’ve saw each other, but you hadn’t heard anything from him in the two months. Not even a text message, and you were getting kind of worried.

You texted Hoseok a couple times throughout the two months, but he hasn’t answered any of those messages. Plus you didn’t have any of the other members numbers, so you couldn’t text them to ask how Hoseok was doing.

You decided that you would pay Starship a visit to see how he was doing. You walked out of your apartment, and down to your car. It would take you about half an hour to drive there, so you wanted to leave as soon as possible.

After about half and hour you arrived at Starship entertainment. You didn’t really know your way around the building, or if they would even let you in to see Hoseok.

Walking up to the front door, you noticed a familiar silhouette in the distance. It was Shownu. You picked up your pace, and ran over to him. “Shownu!” You called out.

Shownu turned his head at the call of his name. He smiled when he saw that it was you. “Oh y/n, what brings you here?” He asked you.

You took a minute to catch your breathe. ‘Man I should really start working out.’ You thought to yourself. After about a minute you looked up at Shownu. “I was wondering if I could get in, so I can see Hoseok. He hasn’t been answering my messages, and we haven’t talked or saw each other for two months. So I was worried.” You explained. “So could you help me get in?” You asked Shownu.

Shownu seemed to think about your request for a couple minutes. You stood there hopeful that Shownu would agree. Shownu looked at you, and then nodded his head. “Sure. Just follow me.” He told you as he started to walk into the building.

You quickly followed behind him. “Thank you so much Shownu, I swear I’ll be out as soon as I know Hoseok is okay.” You promised. 

Shownu nodded. “I’ll be honest, he hasn’t really been himself lately. Everyone is trying to figure out why, but he won’t tell anyone.” He said softly.

You bit your lip. ‘So I do have a reason to be worried. I’m not worrying over nothing. What could be wrong though?’ You thought as you followed Shownu to a room.

It appeared to be Monsta X’s dance practice studio. “Everyone should be in here, including Hoseok.” Shownu said as he opened the door.

As soon as the door was opened, everyone stopped moving and looked towards the door. You blushed at all of the sudden attention. You waved slightly. “Hey guys.” You mumbled out.

Everyone’s faces lit up, except one, the one you were here for. Hoseok didn’t look to happy to see you, which worried you even more. He was always happy to see you, whenever and wherever it was. So why was he acting like he didn’t want you here?

The rest of the boys all ran over to you, and hugged you. “It’s been awhile y/n. It’s good to see you.” Jooheon said as everyone pulled you into a group hug. You couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, it has been a long time. It’s really nice to see you guys too.” You told them as you hugged them back.

As you hugged them, your eyes wondered over to Hoseok. He was staring in the direction of where you guys were, but he made no motion to move.

After about a minute, you broke away from the hug. “Sorry guys, but I actually came here to talk to Hoseok if that’s okay.” You told them as you looked at Hoseok. They all nodded. “It’s okay, we’ll leave, and give you guys some privacy.” Kihyun said as he pushed the others out the door.

You smiled in thanks. After they all left you looked towards Hoseok once again. “You want to tell me what’s going on?” You asked him, as you took a couple steps towards him.

Hoseok shook his head. “There’s nothing wrong y/n.” He told you, causing you to roll your eyes.

“We both know that’s a lie. You’ve been ignoring my messages for two months Hoseok. We haven’t even seen each other in two months. Please just tell me what’s wrong.” You said as you stared at him.

He looked lost, like he didn’t know what to do or say to you. Which made you worry a little bit more, but you weren’t giving up. You needed to know what was wrong with your best friend.

You walked the rest of the way towards him, and gently grabbed his cheeks, forcing him to look at you. “Hoseok, please just tell me. I’m really worried about you.” You whispered as you stared into his eyes.

You always knew that Hoseok was a handsome guy, but you never really noticed how attractive he was until you were standing there staring into his eyes. You would never admit to anyone, but you’ve always had a tiny crush on Hoseok, but you quickly buried that after you realized that nothing would ever happen between the two of you.

You always had a little hope that things would change though, but once again you would never admit that to anyone if they asked you.

Hoseok looked away from your gaze, and pulled away from you. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship y/n, and if I tell you it could ruin everything.” He said as he looked around nervously.

Your brow furrowed in confusion. “How would it ruin our friendship? Hoseok I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.” You told him softly as you grabbed his hands in reassurance.

Hoseok bit his lip before he sighed. “Okay, okay. I’ve just been trying to sort my mind out, about how I feel.” He started off. Your eyes widened. “How you feel?” You asked softly.

“Yeah, how I feel.” He said. “I like someone…” he trailed off. Your heart was beating so fast in your chest. Was he going to confess to you? Did he actually have feelings for you?

“And you know her really well, that’s why I was scared it could ruin things between us.” He mumbled. “Who is it?” You asked in anticipation. Hoseok avoided your gaze. “It’s your older sister.” He whispered out.

As he said those words, you could swear your heart fell into your stomach. “O-Oh I didn’t know you had feelings for her.” You said as you slowly let go of his hands.

“We’ve been talking for a couple months now, and I think I actually really like her. She’s such an amazing person.” He told you. You nodded along even though you weren’t really paying attention.

“Y/N? Are you okay? This doesn’t change anything between us right?” He asked you worriedly. You bit your lip to hold back some of your tears. You looked up at him and shook your head. “Of course not, I said I’d always be here for you right?” You tried to joke.

You needed to get out, and fast before you broke. You looked around. “I’m glad we cleared things up, but I have to go. I’m suppose to meet someone soon.” You lied.

Hoseok frowned slightly, not really believing you. He nodded anyway. “Okay. I’ll see you soon alright?” He asked. You nodded as you backed away from him. “Yeah sure. I really have to go though. It was nice talking to you. See you around.” You mumbled as you turned around and scurried to the door.

All you wanted to do was go home and never come out ever again. You rushed past everyone that was in the hallway, trying to get away as quickly as possible before you started to cry.

As you scurried down the hallways you kept your head down. You didn’t notice that you passed the boys. They gave each other worried glances to each other.

“That was y/n right? Like I’m not imagining thing, right that was her?” Hyungwon asked them. The rest nodded. “Yeah that was definitely her. I wonder what happened between the two of them. She looked really upset.” Changkyun said.

“Maybe we should ask Hoseok hyung.” Minhyuk suggested. They all nodded and headed towards Hoseok to try and get some answers.

You rushed out of the building and into your car. As you closed the door, you broke down crying.

“My sister? Out of everyone, he has to like my sister?” You mumbled as you wiped your eyes. You leaned your head back against your seat.

The tears just wouldn’t stop flowing down your cheeks. Why couldn’t he have developed feelings for you? Why did it have to be your sister?

You sighed and wiped your eyes once again. “I lied Hoseok. I’m pretty sure things are going to change between us.” You mumbled as you started your car and drove home.

“Things are going to change.” You sighed.


*Honestly this boy is everything. Monsta X is such an underrated group, I hope 2017 will be a great year for them. They deserve it, and so much more ♥ * 

The snowball part 12

I’m back to really late updates so sorry but I have to prioritise uni work, thank you all for being so understanding and waiting patiently :) xx


The sun rose, bathing Feyre’s room in sunlight but Feyre had already been up for hours. She had been tossing and turning all night feeling guilty as hell.

She had kissed Rhysand. Even worse, she had liked kissing Rhysand.

No matter how hard she thought back, Feyre couldn’t figure out when things had changed between them. She refused to believe those feelings had been there all along because that would make her even more of a cheating douchebag.

Her and Tamlin weren’t even officially broken up. Well Feyre assumed that was how Tamlin was judging the situation, due to his eager text back at 1am that morning when Feyre had asked to meet for lunch.

They had agreed to meet at a small restaurant for lunch, not far from the coffee shop. Mor and Amren would be waiting outside, while the boys would stay at the store, just the sight of Rhysand might set Tamlin off.

Feyre did her best with makeup to hide the dark bags under her eyes and added some blush to give her pale face colour.

Hopefully after today Feyre wouldn’t have to deal with Tamlin. If she was lucky. But that didn’t change how she felt for Rhys. Or how recently she had been broken up with Tamlin.

It wasn’t about what others would think of her for moving on so quickly, it was the way it made Feyre’s stomach knot up and made her legs feel leaden with guilt. She would have to talk to Rhys. Maybe if she just got some space, she could sort her head out and if the feelings were still there… then what? Rhys had never shied away from hiding how he found her attractive, the constant flirting was proof of that. But had he ever really said he was interested in more than a basic flirting? Feyre didn’t think so.

Arranging her hair into something not resembling a bird’s nest anymore, Feyre headed downstairs to find Mor.

Mor was cooking alone in the kitchen when Feyre found her.

“Hey sleepyhead, get home a bit late last night did we?” Mor said with a wink.

Trying to sound as bored and casual as possible Feyre said, “I kissed Rhys last night.”

Mor dropped the wooden spoon she had been using to stir scrambled eggs in a pan.

“Let me at least put some coffee on before you say anything of interest first.”

“…You’re not mad?”

“Of course I’m mad. I bet Cassian you two would hook up in two weeks. You’ve just lost me $50. Don’t suppose you wanna keep this from Cassian for a few days?”

Feyre laughed a bit giddy with relief. “He may have seen us, so no can do. It doesn’t matter anyway.”

Mor froze and gazed at her curiously, “Oh?” Was all she said though.

“I don’t think it meant anything.”

An odd look flashed across Mor’s face. Her face turned grim before she turned back to stirring the pan. “What makes you say that? Something Rhys said?”

“No it’s not that it’s just… it’s Rhys. He flirts with everyone.”

“He used to.” Mor’s voice sounded tight.

“I’m still technically with Tamlin anyway.” Feyre again tried to sound casual, unbothered.

“Feyre, everyone around her knew that was over the second you ended up in hospital by his hand.”

“It’s been days Mor! It’s too soon for me to already be with someone else.”

Mor turned back to stare Feyre down. “If you need space that’s fine. But Rhys needs to be told that too. You can’t lead him on.”

Feyre had rarely heard Mor sound so stern.

“We’re just fooling around. Rhys has never mentioned wanting anything more.”

“Okay Feyre. But please… don’t hurt him.”


Feyre arrived with Mor and Amren at the shop first to meet the others. One of the other workers waved at them a bit shyly from behind the counter as they arrived.

Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel were already sitting at one of the back tables with coffees. As they approached, Feyre could feel Rhys’s eyes trying to meet hers but she refused to raise her eyes. A faint blush crept along her cheeks as she tried to ignore a wave of heat under his gaze that spread throughout her whole body.

“How are you feeling Feyre?” Azriel asked.

“It’s not too late to back out.” Cassian added.

But Feyre shook her head. “I’m fine. Just want to get this over with.”

“We’ll be here if you need us.” Rhys said, trying to get her to look at him.

She risked him a small smile and held his stare for half a second, before looking away.

“Feyre, a word please?” Rhys said, standing to usher her towards the front of the store.

When they were alone, and Rhys had glared at his friends until they at least were less inconspicuous about their efforts to listen in, Rhys reached out a hand to grasp Feyre’s arm gently.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Is that why you won’t look at me?”

Feyre made an effort to stare down his violet gaze. Her sickening guilt changing into something with more steel.

“I can’t do this right now.”

“Do what? The meeting with Tamlin?”

“No. This. Us.”

The warmth behind Rhys’s eyes winked out like stars, replaced with a cold, icy stare. He withdrew his hand from her arm.

“Us?” He gritted out.

“Yes. Whatever this is, I can’t. It’s too soon. I’m seeing Tamlin today! He thinks we never even broke up.”

Rhys’s voice was unusually flat and without feeling as he said, “I understand that things have gone quickly and I’m sorry if that was my fault. We can go back to being just friends.”

A small traitorous part of Feyre cried out at the suggestion.

“Flirting with you was a fun distraction but I understand now that, that’s all you wanted.” Rhys added.

Feyre went to reassure him, say anything that would take away the hurt look behind his eyes but Rhys turned away swiftly and went back to his friends, leaving Feyre feeling somehow more guilty than she had before.



Feyre was early for the lunch. She wanted to already be sitting down when Tamlin arrived so she would have an excuse not to get up and hug him, as she knew he would try to do.

She had been ripping apart a napkin when she saw Tamlin walk inside, followed by Lucien. Lucien nodded at her and went to take a seat at a table further away to give them some privacy.

Tamlin stopped before her wearing his typical business suit. He was smiling warmly at her but Feyre refused to return one back, as she also refused to stand when he held his hands out to her.

“Sit down Tamlin.” She said coldly.

Tamlin had the good sense to look a little unnerved as he sat down opposite her.

“It’s good to see you Feyre. I’ve missed yo-”

Don’t. Just don’t. I need to talk to you Tamlin, and I don’t think you’re going to like it.”

Tamlin’s smiled vanished as he brought his hands onto the table to fold them together.

“I’m sorry but I’m not coming back. Not after what you did.”

“Feyre I never meant to hurt you. Ever. I’m so sorry it’s come to this, but you have to forgive me.”

“I don’t have to do anything. I asked you here to tell you that we’re over but I also need to talk to you about something el-”

“Did he put you up to this?” Tamlin interrupted quietly.

“Who?”

“Rhysand.” Tamlin spat.

“No, this was my decision. And you owe him an apology.”

“What?” He snarled.

“Tamlin you put him in hospital! Set part of his house on fire.”

“Because he kidnapped you Feyre! I was terrified for you.”

“Just do me a favour and not do anything for me ever again. You could’ve hurt a lot of people. And that’s why I can’t be with you anymore. I love you Tamlin but you also hurt me. I need more freedom than you could ever give me.”

Tamlin’s jaw was clenching and unclenching as he tried to control his temper.

“Feyre.” He said softly. “I need you. I’ll change. I can be better. You just need to stop talking to Rhys.”

Feyre’s temper flared dangerously. “Stop bringing him into this! It has nothing to do with him.”

“Tell me what I can do to make this up to you Feyre.” Tamlin begged making Feyre feel sick.

“… there is one thing.”

“What is it Feyre?”

“I need you to pull out of your deal with Hybern.”

Tamlin looked visibly confused so Feyre continued, “He’s going to build a factory, it’s going to make a lot of Illyrian’s very sick, they could die Tamlin. We have to stop it from happening.”

Tamlin’s face went dark. “He put you up to this didn’t he?”

Feyre had to stop herself from slapping him.

“He didn’t have to. The second I heard about Hybern’s plan I knew I had to stop him. This isn’t about us, or Rhys, it’s about saving a bunch of innocent people. How could you have ever agreed to this?”

“I only recently agreed.” He said gravely.

“Why?”

“Hybern said he would make sure the Illyrians would be gone, including Rhysand.”

“Tamlin you have to take it back. Do you really think that forcing an entire community to leave their homes would make me come running back to you?”

“I would do anything to keep you by my side.”

Feyre was mortified. “Then back out of the deal.”

“Only if you come home.”

“I can’t do that.” Feyre said shaking her head.

“Then the plan goes ahead. You can stop it though, if you just come home.”

“I’m already home.” Feyre said and rose to leave.

Tamlin immediately stood up too, Lucien on the other side of the room mirrored him with a worried glance.

“You will let me leave without causing a scene or you will be sorry Tamlin.” Feyre said, glaring down at the hand he had used to grip her to him by her arm.

People began glancing at them concernedly. Some began whispering to each other.

A waitress approached them looking sternly at Tamlin. Clearing her throat she said loudly, “Mam is there a problem?”

Feyre smiled sweetly at her, “Not at all. Two of my friends are waiting outside, would you be able to tell them to come inside please?”

The waitress hurried outside to where Feyre hoped she would find Amren and Mor.

“Unless you want them to call the cops, I’d suggest you take your hand off me.” Feyre hissed quietly at Tamlin.

Feyre began to mildly panic when Tamlin still showed no sign of letting her go. Thankfully Lucien appeared behind him and placed a strong hand on his shoulder.

“Tam we should go. People are beginning to recognise who you are.”

Tamlin looked like he would do no such thing when Mor breezed past him. She expertly twisted Feyre so Tamlin’s hand was removed while she wrapped an arm around Feyre, steering her towards the door.

“There you are. We’ve been looking everywhere for you, we’ll be late if we don’t hurry” She said as she ushered Feyre out the door.

When Feyre looked back, Lucien had a strong grip on a very surprised looking Tamlin. Amren held the door open with the waitress as Feyre was quickly escorted out.

With You By My Side - Nine

A/N:  9 of 10. By now y’all know what this story is about. I’m gonna put in some warnings, but if you dont want to get SPOILED, dont read them. If you are easily triggered READ THE WARNINGS. Thanks for all of the amazing feedback, I am honestly baffled by all of you. And thanks to my beta @thorne93. shes the best.

Characters: Jensen x Reader, Jared

Warnings: Vomiting, blood, reader is really sick, language, medical conditions, some fluff if you squint..

Wordcount: 2075

Catch up HERE

*not my GIF*

Originally posted by spntrista


Thanksgiving turned into Christmas, Christmas turned into Easter and before you knew it, Jensen was once again wrapping up another season of Supernatural. Your eight months were up, but so far you had barely noticed the illness, your body was a little weaker and you had very little energy, to the point where you needed to nap every day, but other than that you felt fine. You went to the hospital once a month to get an evaluation on how the cancer was spreading, and for some reason it had slowed down a little. It was still aggressive and Dr. Hansen always informed you that it was spreading, making sure you didn’t get your hopes up for anything. The outcome would still be the same, but you had gained a little more time.

“What did the good doctor tell you today?” Jensen asked as he Skyped you during one of his breaks up in Vancouver.

“Nothing we don’t already know. He seems to think that I will start feeling worse soon, and he wanted to put me on a higher dose of cortisone,” you explained. The cortisone was there to help with pain in your joints, the only side effect was that it made your bones more fragile. “He’s still a little shocked that I’m alive I think,” you chuckled.

“Did he say anything about how much time he thinks you have left?”

“No, anything between a couple of months and half a year. He did tell me that once I start to feel sick, it will probably be fast.” That little fact eased your mind a little, the worst thing you could think of was to just lay in a bed and wait for death, you couldn’t imagine a worse fate than that.

You heard a few muffled voices through your computer as Jensen’s eyes started traveling the room he was in. “I’m really sorry babe, but I have to go. I’ll call you later if I get a chance. We’re gonna try and wrap things up tonight so that we can go back home tomorrow.”

“Really?” you said excitedly. “Then you go knock ‘em dead.”

“I love you, (YN),” he said, blowing a kiss your way.

“I love you too, Jay.”

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anonymous asked:

Ooh, I see you're looking for angst? How about, sometime after Saeran is rescued, Saeyoung's agency get their hands on Saeran and MC (Saeyoung's gf/wife/whatever) and Saeyoung is given an impossible choice: save only one of them.

*warning, v angsty and contains difficult themes*

1457 WORDS

btw please send more angst in, this was so much fun to write o:

An Easy Choice

Whitish-pink lilies always make someone’s day better, right? Saeyoung hoped so, as he placed them in a cute white vase and messaged MC asking where she was. He needed to know, so this small box in his back pocket would stop making his ass hurt.

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