i sort of feel like i'm on drugs when i'm with you

Flip Phones Are Making a Comeback 🤙
  • iPhone User: How can you even stand it?
  • Android User: Stand what?
  • iPhone User: Your phone's crappy camera. Every picture looks like it was printed from a gameboy.
  • Android User: At least mine isn't an overpriced piece of junk that bends if you put in your pocket.
  • iPhone User: Excuse me? I think all of that extra price goes to making sure our phone DON'T EXPLODE!
  • Android User: It's only the Note 7 that explodes. You don't know anything.
  • Flip Phone: *rings* Hello, Moto.
  • *both phone users glance at it momentarily until it stops ringing*
  • Android User: Uhh, anyway. At least our phones aren't made in sweatshops.
  • iPhone User: You didn't need to take this conversation in that direction, but your phone is probably made in a sweatshop too.
  • Android User: Our sweatshops are 100% more humane than Apple's gulags.
  • Flip Phone: *rings* Hello, Moto.
  • iPhone User: Is that piece of junk yours?
  • Android User: No, who uses a flip phone in 20XX. I thought it was yours.
  • iPhone User: *picks up flip phone* It's so old, but it seems familiar.
  • Android User: Are you going to answer it?
  • iPhone User: No. You answer it.
  • Android User: Hell no! You picked it up. Why don't you answer it?
  • iPhone User: I don't know. Something doesn't seem right about it. I'm going home.
  • Android User: Don't forget to take your flip phone with you.
  • iPhone User: You keep it, as an android user, you're used to cheap pieces of junk.
  • Android User: Low blow!
  • *at night*
  • Android User: *tossing and turning in bed*
  • Flip Phone: *ringing grows progressively louder* HELLO, MOTO!
  • Android User: *picks up flip phone* Piece of garbage. Why do you keep ringing. I should just answer it.
  • Android User: *gets nervous* Why don't I want to answer it? Jesus, I just need to get rid of this thing.
  • Android User: *tosses flip phone out of the window* That's better.
  • Android User: *attempts to go back to sleep but ringing starts again* Fucking no! Is this some sort of nightmare!?
  • Android User: *notices their own phone ringing on their drawer* Oh. *answers it*
  • Android User: Whom am I speaking to?
  • iPhone User: Hey, it's me.
  • Android User: It's late, what do you want?
  • iPhone User: You know how it's just the two of us that hang out.
  • Android User: Yeah, what about it?
  • iPhone User: Didn't it used to be three of us that hung out?
  • Android User: No, it's been just the two of us since we were kids.
  • iPhone User: We had a third friend that we hung out with everyday. I know this sounds crazy, but somehow both of us forgot about her.
  • Android User: I have no clue what you're talking about.
  • iPhone User: That's the point! Like, she did everything with us, but I can't remember anything specifically about her. It's like someone took an eraser to my mind, but for some reason I have all these faint memories about her coming back to me and I'm freaking out.
  • Android User: Man, I think you just need some sleep. You sound crazy right now.
  • iPhone User: I'm afraid. I'm afraid that if I got to sleep when I wake up I won't remember you. I think something bad is going to happen to you.
  • Android User: I'm fine. My dad owns a gun. If someone tries to break into our house or something, they'll get their heads blown off. I guess we might have to deal with vengeful ghosts, but those usually take a few years to develop. Get some sleep, please.
  • iPhone User: Okay, goodnight... I love you.
  • Android User: Uhh, the feeling's mutual... I guess. *hangs up*
  • Android User: Overemotional, I swear. *attempts to sleep*
  • *loud knock at the door*
  • Android User: Goddammit! Dad'll get it.
  • *banging persists and only gets louder*
  • Android User: Okay, I guess I have to answer it again. *grabs one of their dad's guns and answer the door*
  • Android User: *aims gun into the dark night* Who's out there!? Who was knocking on my door!? ...No one. Fucking neighbor kids, I swear.
  • Flip Phone: *rings* Hello, moto!
  • Android User: Of fucking course. *screams into the night* I guess some PARANORMAL FORCE just magically put the flip phone on my porch. How about I just BLAST IT TO PIECES!
  • The Night: *stays silent*
  • Android User: *sighs* This has to be a stupid fucking prank. I bet that iPhone using "friend" of mine is doing this to set me up.
  • Android User: *notices the caller ID on the flip phone* Rebecca? Why is that name so familiar?
  • Android User: *answers phone* Hello?
  • Rebecca: Look below your porch. Look below your porch. Look below your porch. Look below your porch.
  • Android User: Fuck off. *hangs up* If someone really is below my porch, you can crawl out! I'll be sure to blast your brains out! I'm not afraid!
  • Android User: I'm a fucking idiot for this. *peers below the porch* There's nothing. This really is all some prank. *stands up*
  • *the front door is closed*
  • Android User: *checks the door* It's locked! Fuck! Okay, this is actually getting weird, but I'm armed. If anyone tries to mess with me I'll fucking shoot them.
  • Android User: *checks self* Where the fuck did I put that phone?
  • Flip Phone: *rings from the back of the house* ...hello, moto.
  • Android User: *sweats nervously* Okay, stay calm. Remember, you're armed. This is all a prank and they'll feel like fucking idiots when they realize they nearly got themselves shot over this. *walks to the back of the house*
  • *the next morning*
  • iPhone User: *frantically scrolling through phone*
  • Grandmother: What's wrong, honey?
  • iPhone User: I don't know. I'm looking for someone in my phone contacts, but they're not there!
  • Grandmother: Who?
  • iPhone User: I don't know! Ugh!
  • Grandmother: Calm down, honey. I'm sure you'll find them.
  • iPhone User: Grandma, did I used to hang out with anyone? Like, I regularly had friends over, right?
  • Grandmother: Well, I'm going to be honest with you. You've always been a bit of an introvert. But as long as you keep up with your schoolwork, it's no bother to me.
  • iPhone User: No, I had two friends, didn't I? Don't you remember them? You knew both of them by name. They were my childhood friends.
  • Grandmother: I'm not sure. You liked being by yourself as a child. H-Have you been using drugs?
  • iPhone User: No, grandma! It's just... I don't know. I'm lonely and stressed out and I don't know why.
  • Grandmother: It must be your schoolwork, honey. You're such a hard worker and you hardly ever give yourself a break. Remember, you have to take out some time for yourself to relax too. Studying is important, but so is your mental health
  • iPhone User: You're right. Finals are coming up. I guess I've been letting it all go to my head.
  • Flip Phone: *rings* Hello, Moto.
  • Grandmother: *takes phone out of pocket* Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? *hangs up* Strange.
  • iPhone User: Where did you get that phone?
  • Grandmother: I've had it for a while now. Is there something wrong with it?
  • iPhone User: No... not anything that I remember.
i’ll paint rainbows all over your blues

It’s the summer of ’69, and Niall just wants to enjoy the Woodstock festival, but he never counted on meeting a strapping lad named Harry whose hair was filled with the prettiest flowers he’s ever seen and whose laugh sounded better than all of the music combined.

or, one of the woodstock aus i’ve been writing, where harry is a soldier about to be shipped off to vietnam and niall’s just trying to have fun before his life becomes fucked. complete with drugs and drinking and sleeping around, and all sorts of that shit. 

this is a teaser, so lemme know what you think, lmao, k? 

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I wrote this while sitting in the car on the way to work this morning, when I was caught in heavy traffic. (and then finished it off during lunch).

WrenchxReader, set before watchdogs 2 takes place, at the previous year’s Skelter festival.
954 words.
Marks off for 1. Meetings on my writing list.

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"Can you come pick me up please?" Another Lucaya AU

The mass of sweaty bodies surrounding Maya seemed to be growing larger by the second and she was beginning to overheat. Her sweaty curls were now clinging to her face and the pair of heels that she was wearing squeezed her toes too much to be considered comfortable. She began to inch her way towards the edge of the crowd of gyrating teenagers to get some fresh air. When she finally made it out of the crowd, a sigh of relief escaped her lips. She made her way into the less packed, but still crowded kitchen to retrieve another drink.

“Where are all of your friends?” A deep voice asked her as he handed her a red cup.

Maya accepted the cup wearily and sniffed it before taking a sip because goddamn she was parched. She glanced up to see that the boy was a senior from her school who she thought she recognized as one of Lucas’s teammates. “Riley and Farkle are off somewhere playing tonsil hockey.”

“And Lucas?” He prompted, only reinforcing Maya’s assumption. “I’d think he would be following you around like the lost puppy he always is around you.”

She felt her face grimace at his comment and shook her head. “He didn’t come tonight. Said something about needing to study for a trig test on Monday.” Bored of the conversation, she began looking around the kitchen and noticed that it was a lot emptier than it had been moments before when she had entered it. “Besides, he does not follow me like a lost puppy.”

“I don’t know about that,” the tall boy laughed. Maya wasn’t sure of his name, but she thought it started with a J. He let his eyes roam her small body up and down, lingering in certain places far too long to be considered decent. When he met her eyes again she could see a darkness that made his brown eyes seem almost black. “Those heels do a number for your legs.”

Maya felt a shiver run down her back and instinctively took a step away from the suddenly menacing football player. “Listen, I better go find Riley. It’s getting awfully late. It was nice talking to you, um-”

“You don’t even know my name? Miss Hart, I am hurt.” He frowned in mock disappointment. Maya continued backing away until she was cornered by a counter and the refrigerator. “Don’t worry, short stuff. I can have you screaming it in just a matter of minutes.”

A burning anger took over the petite blonde’s body and she glared at the horny senior in front of her. He was positioned so that his arms were against the counter tops on either side of her and his face was a mere inches from hers. She looked him fiercely in the eyes and pushed his body away from hers. “I will not be screaming anyone’s name tonight, buddy. Now back off and let me go find my friends.”

He laughed at her mockingly, but did not move his face close to hers again. “Your friends are gone, pretty lady. It’s just you and me now.”

That was it. Maya stomped her heel down on the boy’s foot and then immediately thrust her knee up to hit him where it hurt, and boy did it sound like it hurt. “Listen closely. You are nothing but a pig and no girl at this school will ever be with you after I have something to say about you, ya hear me? So back off, and don’t ever try to corner me again.”

She ducked under his arm and strutted away out the front door, pulling out her cell phone as she did. She asked someone along her path if her friends truly had gone home and they confirmed the asshole’s words, so she called the only person she could think of that she trusted with a license to get to this remote party. “Lucas, can you come pick me up please?”

At some point in the twenty minutes that it had taken Lucas to get to the party, Maya had begun to feel a bit worse for wear. If she had had the energy to pick herself up she might have marched back into the house and called the guy out for spiking her drink, but she was using every last bit of energy she had to stay awake and cognizant. When Lucas finally did arrive, he jumped out of his car quickly and ran to where Maya was sat leaning against a tree in the front yard.

“Maya, are you alright?” He asked frantically. “What happened to you? Are you drunk?”

She hadn’t explained anything to him on the phone, knowing that if she had he would have probably gotten pulled over for speeding, or maybe worse. He looked at her with worried sea foam eyes and began checking her whole body for a sign that she was hurt. “Mm fine,” she slurred, barely able to get that out. “Just take me home.”

He shook his head, but wrapped her arms around his neck and lifted her anyways. He carried her bridal style towards his car and cursed under his breath. “I can’t take you home like this, Maya. Your mother would kill you. You need to tell me what happened because I have never seen you this drunk in your life.”

She buried her face into his chest and groaned, feeling a pounding headache surge through her skull. “Don’t feel good,” she mumbled right before she spilled her entire stomach all over his gray shirt and all throughout her hair.

“Fuck,” he groaned as he managed to open the car door with his foot. He set her down in the passenger seat and noticed an elastic on her wrist. He gripped her hair into what sort of resembled a ponytail and sat it on the top of her head to avoid any more throw up from soiling it. He then made his way to the trunk of his car and emptied a bucket of baseballs he kept in it. He brought the bucket back over to the pale blonde and handed it to her. “If you need to be sick again, use this.” He then peeled off his shirt and threw it on the lawn, leaving it there. It was never one of his favorites anyways.

Lucas drove as fast as humanly possible without getting ticketed back to his house, periodically checking on his passenger. She only threw up into the bucket twice more before they reached their destination. He helped her out of the car and up the stairs into his house as quietly as possible as to not alert his mother of their presence. When they made it safely to Lucas’s room he let out a sigh of relief, leading Maya to his bed.

“Mind telling me what is going on now?” He asked worriedly, handing her a bottle of water that he had picked up on their way past the kitchen.

She took a big slug and met his eyes with her own cloudy blue ones. “I think I got roofied,” she laughed humorlessly.

His eyes went wide and she saw his muscles visibly tense. “What did you just say?” He boomed. “Why wouldn’t you have told me that while we were there so I could have kicked that guy’s ass?”

She smirked and shook her head. “Relax Huckleberry. I did that all by myself.”

He rolled his eyes and looked at her. “Of course you did. What was his name? Who was it?”

She shrugged and took another gulp out of the bottle. “Not sure. Tall, dark, not so handsome. Can we not talk about it please, I dealt with it myself.”

He sighed, but decided to let it go. For now. “Why don’t you go wash the throw up out of your hair and change?” He suggested, grabbing her one of the shirts from his drawer. “No offense, but you kind of smell.”

She laughed and rolled her eyes, feeling a bit better from the water and cleansing of her stomach. “Gee, thanks Lucas, that means a lot. I’ll be right back.” She accepted the light blue T-shirt from him and made her way to his bathroom.

When she shut the door behind her she let out a sigh before looking at the mirror. Her mascara was running all down her face and her messy hair had chunks of her own throw up in it. She looked almost as horrible as she felt. With another sigh, she took Lucas’s make-do ponytail out and put her head into the sink, washing her hair. She took a bottle of his shampoo and made sure that her hair was fully clean before stripping her tight silver dress off and removing her stockings. She slipped the shirt that Lucas had given her over her wet head and smiled when the soft cotton hit her skin. She smelt like Lucas and already she was feeling a lot better. The shirt reached almost to her knees and she felt quite warm despite the temperature outside. Finally, she washed the remaining makeup off of her face and took a deep breath. She stepped out of her heels and carried them, along with her dress and stockings, back into Lucas’s room.

When she returned, he was still pacing his room seemingly fuming. He looked up when he heard her shut his door and instantly stopped to stare at her. His mouth dropped slightly but he caught himself and reached up to rub the back of his neck and cleared his throat. “Do you feel any better?”

Maya nodded and laughed softly to herself when she noticed he was still shirtless, wearing a pair of old sweatpants that said “Texas A&M” on them. “A little bit. Thanks for the shirt,” she said softly.

“Yeah, uh no problem.” They both stood there a moment, staring at each other. “You can have the bed,” he finally said, walking towards the door. “I can just go sleep on the couch. My mom won’t wake up until around noon so it won’t matter-”

“Lucas,” she cut him off. He stopped his rambling and looked at her. “You don’t need to sleep on the couch.”

“Really, it’s fine. Honestly it’s kind of comfortable.”

“Lucas.” She said a bit more certain. “I think I would feel a lot better if you slept next to me.”

And it was true, she would sleep better. Although she acted all strong and tough girl, sometimes she needed someone to be there with her. She still felt some of the effect of the drug in her system and she knew that she didn’t want to be alone right now. Lucas searched her eyes for what seemed like minutes before slowly nodding and leading her to the bed. He pulled back the covers and let her crawl in first. He laid down next to her, unsure of what to do with his limbs until she cuddled into his bare chest. He cringed slightly at the feel of her wet hair, but then wrapped his arm around her back and pulled her tightly against him.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, Maya,” he whispered softly into her wet mop of hair.

She pulled back from him and looked him in the eyes. “You were there for me, Lucas. You came to get me with no questions asked when I needed you and now you are letting me stay here, in your bed with you, just so that I don’t have to go home and be alone. Thank you, Huckleberry. I owe you big time.”

She let her face fall back into the crook of his neck and tangled her legs with his. He was very glad she did because it meant that she couldn’t see the giant grin plastered on his face from her words, heating his cheeks, but boy could she feel it.

anonymous asked:

sorry for bugging, but I'm in a weird mood and I'm not really sure how to search for fics I'm craving. Do you know of any sterek fics where one (or both?) is magically (temporarily) turned into an animal / magically drugged into losing inhibitions and everything just dissolves into cuddles that will be SO EMBARRASSING when things go back to normal? I will take literally any of these that you know of.

sterek + someone is turned into an animal + cuddles

stiles is turned into…

  • Evenly Matched by alocalband (M, 3k) Stiles gets turned into a fox. Apparently this impacts Derek’s life just as much as his own.
  • A (Sort Of) Fairytale by brie, daunt (M, 26k) The summer after senior year starts normally enough, with the gang spending their final months before college together at the Martin family’s lake house. Then Jackson stumbles onto the burial ground of a witch’s ex-husband, Stiles is magically turned into a fox, and things somehow manage to get worse from there. The gratuitous Princess Bride references are only of moderate help.
  • What Every Firefighter Needs by sofonisba_found (T, 3k) Every firehouse needs a Dalmatian, right? It just so happens that the Dalmatian adored by the men and women at engine 603 isn’t quite what he seems.
  • I’ll Carry Your Love Like A Backpack by twerkinshield (T, 2k) Stiles magically gets turned into a sloth. Everyone finds him adorable. Especially Derek.
  • untitled by pantstomatch (Not Rated, 2k)  “He doesn’t need a name,” Derek says. Naming things implies that they’re going to get to keep him, and Derek is under no illusion about that.  Once the bandages come off his paws and he fattens up a little, they’re probably going to insist he be released back into the wild.
  • It’s Not Easy Being Green by Twice_Shy (G, 5k)  While attempting to cast a spell to find his true love, Stiles accidentally turns himself into a frog.

derek is turned into…

  • Somebunny Like You by lady_eliot_writes (G, 3k) Everyone knows not to distract Stiles when he’s practicing magic, especially not with comments making fun of Derek, because Stiles cannot resist making fun of Derek. In which Derek accidentally becomes a grumpy bunny rabbit, paper crowns are made and feelings come to light.
  • Pussy Galore by kalpurna (T, 4k) Derek gets turned into a cat. Stiles learns to be a cat person.
  • I Toad You So by werewolvesandarrows (T, 3k) “He’s a toad, Stiles,” Scott corrects as he slides the loft door closed behind him. “You know how touchy he can be about species misidentification.” Stiles can’t help but snort, a giggle bubbling out when the toad starts hopping around angrily on the table. “Deaton says it’s probably a classic spell,” Scott continues, dropping down onto the couch beside him. “True love’s kiss and all that.” It looks like Scott is fighting back a grin, and it’s making it difficult for Stiles to control himself. “It was probably that girl he turned down when we were at the diner the other night? Deaton says he could try and reverse it, but it’d be easier to just get Derek’s true love to give him a little smooch.” The toad is glaring at them again.
  • The Cutest Bunny In Beacon Hills by normalcatbehavior (G, 1k)  “Seriously, Derek. What did you do to annoy the witch? We’ve talked about how that isn’t a good idea,” Stiles says. Derek’s ears droop and Stiles officially loses it. “Oh my God,” Stiles manages through wheezing laughter. “Look at your sad little bunny ears!”

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late night GTA raywood thoughts/drabble, i guess

So, this is a little something I wrote up for no reason. Um, maybe for my 50 follower milestone? It’s really the crew’s view on Ray. It gets super raywood-y at Ryan’s view, which is under the read more tab. Am I ashamed? No. Not at all. 


To Geoff, Ray was the cool neighbor that Geoff would never have. Ray made Geoff laugh and made the gent relax with a calm voice, even in the middle of a particularly stressful heist. Ray was the one Geoff didn’t have to worry about. The man was self-sufficient, never forgot his role in the heist, and never really made Geoff worry. Ray was young, but you could tell he had experience. Geoff would gladly smoke with the lad and discuss any kind of stuff. Ray wasn’t wiry like Gavin, and wasn’t as bitter as Michael. Ray was cool, quiet, smart and comedic. And when it called for it, Ray was serious, solemn and understanding. He could easily judge a situation and help steer Geoff in the right direction. Ray was the man Geoff could trust.


To Jack, Ray was the older kid that helped take care of the others. Ray would always be open to jump up and help Jack. Every morning, Ray would be in the kitchen with Jack, helping make breakfast for six people that ate like monsters. Ray would help Jack clean up the house a bit. Ray would do small things, like keep his room and weapons organized, just to give Jack one less person to worry about. Ray would scold the other Lads if they were getting out of hand. He’d wrangle up Michael and Gavin when they were yelling too loud or to help clean. Ray wouldn’t force Jack into a conversation when they were up in the sky in a huge plane and Jack really just needed to focus on the terrain to get them to the right place. Ray could take care of everyone when Jack was gone. Ray was Jack’s little helper.

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Palindrome - fic

Characters: Damian Wayne, Jason Todd, Titus
Summary: Dog and God are not the same word. But sometimes, they have the same meaning. And the same heart break.
A/N: Sad, this is sad. This is the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever written. I dehydrated myself writing it, just crying too much. Don’t read it in public, don’t read it with friends or family, don’t read it in the morning as it’ll ruin your day. Damian’s 19, going on 20, obviously. ‘Stille Nacht’ by Mannheim Steamroller is good supplemental tuneage. I’m so sorry in advance. I’m shunning myself for this and never coming back.

~~

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Little Fairy Tale [3/10]

Part 1 >> Part 2 >> Part 3 >> Part 4 >> Part 5

Part 6 >> Part 7 >> Part 8 >> Part 9 >> Part 10

.

They had sex.

It was kind of funny, that, considering they hadn’t done anything since he’d accidentally bred his best friend, as cringe-worthy as that fact was. Their relationship had been strange at best after the heat incident. Arthur had been angry–furious, even–but after ranting at him for a good long hour he’d broken down.

And the truth had come out.

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An interview with Mark Gatiss appeared in the 5 March 2015 edition of Waitrose Weekend magazine - linked to publicity for the DVD of Wolf Hall. I thought it might be helpful to transcribe the interview, which is below the cut:

After a perfectly lovely childhood, Wolf Hall star Mark Gatiss turned to gothic melodrama before carving out a niche playing shadowy schemers. ‘I’m just a slightly odd creature that sprung up,’ he tells Paul Kirkley.

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A Biochemical Chain of Events

Pairing: Skye/Simmons (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.)

Summary: Skye asks the tough questions. Simmons does her best to explain.

Words: 1,411 (just a drabble!)

Notes: I haven’t quite caught up on all the episodes yet, but I am slowly falling in love with all these characters… especially Fitz and Simmons, my darling little science babies. I haven’t really starting seriously shipping anyone yet, but I have seen a lot of talk of Skimmons on my dash, so I figured I’d give those two a shot.

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Karl Pilkington Starters
  • It's like a pylon.
  • Get that down, its a deathtrap!
  • You've never been to China.
  • ...but it’s all about ‘a gorilla and a fox are walking thru the woods.’ How often does that happen?
  • That's the problem with them fables, they're putting animals together that wouldn't meet. I don't know where a scorpion is knockin' around with a frog.
  • Well...like, when you're born, you're a little baby, you're wrinkly and stuff, when you get older you sort of morph into a baby again...
  • By 78 you've done everything you're going to do. If you haven't bungee-jumped by the time you're 78 you're not going to do it.
  • All I'm saying is that old people need to be old people.
  • You need oldness. You need to see old people.
  • Well you look 78!
  • Stop looking at the walls, look out the window.
  • If I was Noah, I would have gone, Hang on a minute, I've just seen somethin' that looks a bit like this, let it drown, have a bit of a clear out, but he was messin' about savin' everythin'
  • Why didn't evolution make a giraffe good at carpentry so it could build a ladder?
  • You know how they say people have six senses? There's loads more than that. The ability to feel someone looking at you, that's been around since man and dinosaur were knockin' about.
  • We came from the sea originally, now we're going back in it. Don't go in it, unless you're in a boat.
  • On identical twins - You always get a little snidey one.
  • On dopplegangers - How would I know which one I was?
  • It would only get me into trouble won't it? Because people won't believe there's another one like me.
  • Otherwise everyone would be saying that when they get caught robbing, they go Oh it wasn't me it was me doppleganger.
  • Does the brain control you or are you controlling the brain? I don't know if I'm in charge of mine.
  • Did I tell you about the immune system?
  • He got hot, he got so hot his lips fell off.
  • I came up with a good idea....see through skin
  • I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff.
  • If you don't sleep you get run down. Sloths never get a flu, cos its good innit thats when your body's replenishing
  • As long as you're rememberin' baby Jesus, does it matter when you're rememberin' 'im
  • That's what I'm saying about Christmas, I might not be in the mood for it
  • The first time you watch it you'll probably cry a bit. The second time you watch it you will probably think - boy that would be bad having a head like that being picked on - the third time you are probably thinking, er, how does he get his jumper on, er, then dunno probably bored of it the fourth time. But, but it's well worth watching.
  • The Elephant Man would never have gotten up and gone, ‘Oh, God. Look at me hair today.’
  • Treat the world like a head
  • We're just a weed in the universe
  • I could eat a knob at night.
  • Hummus isn't a meal
  • Hypothetical: Shipwrecked and eating a penis- ...I'll look for something else. We're surrounded by water. Why are we eating knob?
  • Where you are is what you eat. When I'm in London I'll have beans on toast for lunch. On holiday — what? Tapas? Go on then I'll have a bit. You eat whatevers in that area.
  • Whether it's a potato or a nut, it's a foodage!
  • Read about a pub which is gettin' some stick 'cause its stopped a horse goin' in. Its been the horse' regular for ages, but some new owners have taken over the pub and they said they're servin' fresh food and don't want a horse in there anymore
  • I look at life like a big book and sometimes you get half way through it and go 'Even though I've been enjoying it, I've had enough. Give us another book'
  • I'm just sayin', I don't like fun
  • They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else drown it out at the time?
  • I dont know her, there's only so much you can say to a stranger.
  • I think some bacteria have better lives
  • What's that plate that's above a saucer but below a plate?
  • Yeah but everyone was a saint years ago, that seemed to be thrown about back then. Who's a saint now, in this year, who's a saint?
  • It’s just hassle of having friends and family
  • The world is getting more and more scruffier
  • You won't get anything done by planning.
  • Any problem solved is a new problem made.
  • I've met a few little people in my time.
  • I met a little fella once and he was alright.
  • Turns out it was another load of monkeys from another part of the island...from the rough bit...
  • Apparently you're not allowed to lick a toad's back.
  • So I was watchin David Attenborough..
  • At what point is a wasp ever going to have a chat with a spider?
  • At no point am I going to lick a little frogs head.
  • I'd kick it, and I'd say 'You knob-head'
  • In the sea you've got to be constantly sort of alert.
  • In the sea you've got an enemy behind every rock.
  • Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.
  • People moan about drugs being tested on animals. I sort of think it depends innit. If the drug's aspirin and the monkey's got a headache, is it right?
  • A dog has got human eyes.
  • I saw a cockroach playing Pacman
  • I've been watchin birds more than insects recently, and the thing I've found with pigeons is, they've got wings but they walk a lot
  • Don't be chucking that out. You might need that later
  • If you live in a glass house, don't be chucking stuff about
  • People who live in a glass house have to answer the door
  • You don't have to do it straight away, but just do it before it gets really bad
  • Neil Armstrong, that spaceman, he went to the moon but he ain't been back. It can't have been that good.

holmesobsession-blog  asked:

So I'm glad that I found someone else who feels the same way as I do about that episode. And no this isn't me asking you anything. I just wanted to talk to someone who has the same views on that episode like me. I'm not sure about you but I'm pretty pissed that I waited 2 years for that last episode to be like that. Seriously.

There was so much about it that I liked, really the first ¾. I liked Sherlock with Janine because it allowed us to see jealous!John again, showed Sherlock being a manipulative arsehole, and in the hospital scene she basically confirmed for us that Sherlock never slept with her and she knows he’s gay.  So yeah, go Janine.

Magnussen was so deeply disturbing—a great villain.

There were some really nice moments with John and Sherlock.  I loved Mary being the one who shot Sherlock, the death sequence was cool, I loved how Sherlock tricked Mary into confessing at the empty house.

John was so fucking BAMF!  Gotta love BAMF! John.  He was rather mealy in E1 and 2.

A few things really bugged me though:

* John taking Mary back after all that, after she nearly killed Sherlock.  (I guess they have a longer arc for her planned, but it really makes no sense after what she did, baby or not.)  I mean, Martin played it well and it was romantic, what he said, but… really?

* Sherlock never confronts John or even hints to John that he was really hurt by the wedding, which we know he was.  It’s just sort of a plot point that’s swept under the rug after the drug bust. It was disappointing.

* The ending with Sherlock sacrificing himself to kill Magnussen was great, but the scene at the plane was disappointing.  Even if Sherlock didn’t want to leave John with a lot of baggage, which is fine, there wasn’t enough facial emotion. And John…. this is a guy who was devastated when Sherlock left the first time.  He seems pretty unemotional about saying good-bye to Sherlock forever now.  (Sherlock does say he’s unlikely to ever see him again so John knows it’s forever.) That did not ring true to me at all.

(so me and grossfandomstuff got chatting about the two plus one au - also known as that one where kirin and parv are married and have an apartment above strife and they all accidentally fall in love while trying to actually make strife look after himself - and then suddenly we had like 3k of chatting about it so. in lieu of there probably ever being fic of this, enjoy)

warnings for alcohol, smoking, very brief mentions of drug use as a aside, sex and D/s dynamics, bondage, safewording, and vague mentions of strife’s lack of self-care.

isis: Kirin and Parv the power couple of the city and Parv basically being a walking scandal and then Strife ah precious man bless his heart

isis: How did Kirin end up with a walking scandal punk like Parv tbh I’m sure tabloids rave about it

sparx: lbr he probably met parv at those clubs he slips away to and takes great steps for the tabloids not to find out about

sparx: pretty little thing in a dark corner that couldn’t care less about his money, is more interested in his dick

isis: Eyes him up and down with these dark eyes that peer over the edge of his drink

sparx: kirin drags him home (if you can call it dragging when parv goes so willingly) and the next morning decides he’d rather keep parv and parv is only too willing

sparx: they have an extended “courtship” with so many scandals you could write a book about it, and then marry in the biggest, fanciest ceremony that ends in parv getting drunk and probably doing something terrible like mooning the paparazzi

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