i so love you okay

i want to apologize for being away from this blog ( and pretty much all of my blogs ) lately. i keep telling myself i’m going to return and get replies done and blah, blah and making empty promises.

it’s just been a hectic year for me. i’m currently in the process of getting a new job. applying for it is a huge pain because it’s for a very big company and they have all these crazy steps i have to go through… but, i think i’m going to get it ? which will be a huge step. because my current job is extremely stressful on me and i’ve just had enough of the law field so i’m going to be trying something new and hope that it’ll be what i’m looking for.

on top of that i had 2 surgeries this year. i had my gallbladder removed in march and my tonsils removed in june. it’s put a bit of a financial strain on me ( thank god i have coverage through my step mom tho ) and i’ve been working on the weekends to help pay off these bills which will be done by the end of the year.

because of all this i kinda went into a depressive state ??? with the pain from surgeries and not being able to go to the gym my weight went up and down a lot and i got very upset with myself because i was doing SOOO good until these surgeries came around. i got a personal trainer at the gym and he’s helping me get back to what i was last year and it’s… making me feel so good to be back at the gym. everyone has that something that makes them feel good and working out and bettering my body is it for me. so i’ve been spending a lot of my free time there the past 2 months.

but aside from my life i was able to pop on here and see what was happening in the rpc lately and it’s so heartbreaking to see everything on my dash. i am only still picking up bits and pieces of what had happened, but i just want my followers to know i’m always here if you need someone to just talk to. i may be very busy, but i always have time to talk to my friends on im.

This is so hard for us emotionally abused. But it is okay to say no. It’s okay to set boundaries. You are not being selfish nor awful!

BTS FC 170309
SUGA HANDWRITTEN LETTER

Hello this is BTS’ Suga
Haha it is finally my 25th birthday?
I feel kind of weird
I feel like just yesterday I was 20 years old
Since debut, it’s both my 4th Spring and birthday
Me, a person who has always been impatient and constantly worrying about the future
Me, a person who always feels 21 years old performs in front of countless of ARMYs
And now that others call me sunbae (senior), I get to perform at concerts all around the world,
I am constantly living a busy life that gives me the opportunity to meet you all which is a dream and I’m so happy about it.
After debuting, it’s always so exciting to see so many ARMYs take care of me and wish a happy birthday
To be honest, I never cared much for birthdays
Thinking how ARMYs prepare special gifts and are happy doing it make my birthday feel special
Thank you to every single ARMY for making me a special person
I may look like a person who is living just because they were born, but I am trying very hard and my best to become a better person
So please continue to watch over me for a very long time
Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday
As I grow older, I promise to repay you guys with better music and performances

P.S. Now I want to stop growing old… ㅠㅠ

trans: jhope-shi

i ’ v e    g o t    a    f e e l i n g    i t ’ s    n e v e r    t o o    l a t e
i close my eyes and see myself how my dreams will come true

colored&edited official sketch (x)

10

But I guess I was never much of a writer (insp.)

(long post, sorry)

In spite of everything I love Harley Quinn but, damn, writers treat her so badly. I swear, the temptation to make her actually stupid must be terrible because it’s so often implied, or explicitly stated, that she slept her way through school. First of all, it does not work like that.  Second, she’s not a therapist or a psychologist, she’s a psychiatrist, she’s a fricking MD and a damn young one too. Managing pre-med and collegiate gymnastics that she relied on to keep her scholarship? Harley is fucked up, but she’s not the dumb blonde she plays. (also stop making her stacked, she’s a gymnast. she is 4’11” of pure muscle and is not top heavy)

If you want a good Harley backstory it’s simple. She’s ADHD but medicated and slightly robotic because of it. I want to take special care not to demonize meds but, rather, people’s disapproval of neurodivergence and a lack of focus on what is best for a patient rather than what is most convenient for others. So, maybe, around ten years old Harley is a hyperactive space cadet who’s brilliant at tests but sloppy at coursework, who would be a gymnastics prodigy if she could actually focus on technique and put in practice time instead of fooling around. Then the meds come and it’s actually really cool because she can do the things she needs to do instead of just wanting to do them, doing something else entirely, and getting in trouble. People are proud of her, she’s proud of herself. But now there are expectations. Family and teachers and coaches overschedule her, find worth only in her success and don’t care about her mental health at all as long as she’s performing and castigate her when she does fail. Fuck if you don’t internalize that. But she doesn’t look unhealthy and she’s doing amazing. She actually has to choose between the Olympic trials and continuing her grad studies. She probably has some issues with self-harm but it either doesn’t look like self-harm or is well covered up. 

When Arkham accepts her, fresh from her residency, it’s not a mistake. The woman is amazing. All they can see is a mountain of achievements rather than the seething ball of nerves, self-loathing, and imposter syndrome boiling just under the surface. That’s when Joker comes in. He’s got the Hannibal Lecter shtick down. Where everyone else sees an intelligent driven young woman he sees a frightened overwhelmed girl who is working her hardest to convince the world she’s anyone other than herself. Sending her into a nervous breakdown would be too easy so he doesn’t even bother. Instead he’s open with her, almost friendly. The other doctors are amazed, Harley is amazed, she’s not done anything particularly revolutionary but, for the first time in forever, it looks like the clown prince of crime is showing progress. He unravels her and it’s a challenge, she flinches back and gets very serious when he comes too close to the real Harley under the professional. Still, soon she’s questioning everything. She doesn’t even really like her co-workers. She hasn’t had a real friend in years. She’s forgotten how to have fun. Did she ever want this to be her life or did she just do it for other people? It starts so slowly that it looks, at first, like she’s getting better at self-care. Maybe something totally silly one weekend, a trampoline park where she can enjoy the way her toned body moves without stressing out over landings, a face painting booth at a street fair, some garishly colored downright tacky decoration that clashes with her sensible apartment. Suddenly she realizes how much she hates knowing the difference between cream and ecru. The beigeness of her life is repulsive. She hates the person she’s pretending to be even more that she hates herself which is really saying something.

After her weekend of freedom she would have called in sick if it wasn’t so suddenly important to see him. The relief she feels at talking to one of Gotham’s most infamous supercriminals is disturbing but it is relief and she’s been swallowing a slow-motion panic attack for hours. She admits, though she shouldn’t, that she took his advice about doing something fun and he teases her, what would straight-laced Doctor Quinzel do for fun? Did she realphabetize her sock drawer or buy a new clipboard? It’s not important to impress him, it’s really not. He’s dangerous, cruel, and he looks so proud when she admits that she bought a lamp shaped like a lawn flamingo. The only mistake, he says, is that she should have stolen it. She hopes the wicked thrill it gives her doesn’t show on her face. It does. She almost even laughs. He likes it when he can make her laugh and she likes it when he likes things.

It’s wrong and unprofessional, the relationship she develops, and she knows it but her whole life she’s been so high strung. Nothing she’s done has been for her, she’s not sure she knows how to really do selfish things anymore, but he knows the selfish things she needs to do. It feels good when she follows his advice even when it’s small things like the rainbow striped socks she wears concealed under her very bland slacks and sensible shoes. She’s so happy, almost giddy, and he loves her happiness, he loves her, he loves the real her that she’s had to beat down and hide for so long, the her that even she isn’t able to love. She is able to love him, though, and since he loves her she’s able to love herself for him, to protect and nurture something so important to him.

When the choice comes between her old self, the tedious endless labor of making the world proud, and Him, the spectacular man that brought color into her life, it’s not even a question. She kills Doctor Harleen Quinzel, she throws away the version of her that let herself burn just for medals and hollow accolades. She embraces Harley Quinn and it’s so much a part of her nature she can’t even see that she’s still living her life for someone else’s approval, except this time that person is a murderous clown. She hasn’t let her hair down, she’s just put it in pigtails instead of a bun.

8

jyn and cassian (from various videos)

3

Mekke øl + mutually failing at talking to their crush because they’re nervous