i smell legit

ARCHAEOLOGIST LADIES LISTEN UP!

You GOTTA acquire a GoGirl urination device! god it sounds weird af but hear me out:
GoGirl is a device that allows you to pee while standing(!!), made of medical grade silicone, compact, hygenic and easy to use. It looks like this

and is the size of your motherfucking PALM at most. It even comes in different colors if you wanna be all fancy about your synthetic dick. ALSO its really cheap - like $10 on Amazon.

I recently got it and it works SO WELL. You take a leak in the field, wash it off with water, put it in a plastic bag and BOOM youre done (just wash it with soap when u get home, dont be a disgusting animal). It also doesnt smell, minus the generic tolerable medical grade silicone smell. 

I legit will never have to squat in another scorpion/snake/other subhuman cretin infested excavation site ever again with this. Imagine having to climb up a 50ft ladder to get out of a murky neanderthal cave to take a leak and having to SQUAT to do so. UGH, right? Go get this life saving thingy and NEVER BRUSH UR ASSCHEEKS ON SPIKEY PLANTS EVER AGAIN. I LEGIT CANT STRESS THIS ENOUGH THIS IS MAKING MY DIGGING LIFE SO MUCH EASIER.

ARE  YOU  STILL  MY  FAMILY ?

A  RIVER  WILL  FLOW . . .

anonymous asked:

Top 5 beauty products atm

  1. The macadamia oil hair line OH MY GOOOOOOD okay so like, you know how different people have different MVPS? Like really ridiculously on point eyebrows, or the perfectly lined lip, or amazing winged eyeliner? My hair is my mvp. Its out there, doing its thing, looking killer, and I respect it because it respects ME. And this macadamia line is like spa therapy for your hair, it makes it feel SO GOOD ALL THE TIME. It legit does all the work for you, it makes anything you want to do look better, even just doing NOTHING your hair will still look good. I use the deep repair masque as a conditioner (you need hardly any, leave it in for the exact length of Beyonce’s ‘XO’), and then spray the oil through my hair before towel drying. IM NOT EVEN USING THE WHOLE LINE AND IT MAKES MY HAIR LOOK SO HEALTHY AND SHINY miracle worker for real
  2. GARNIER MICELLAR WATER. This shit is like liquid GOLD. This is what Nicholas Flamel discovered 500 years ago that’s kept him alive for so long. This is hands down the best make up remover I have EVER used, including fancy ones like clinique and a sample I got from a lady hawking napoleon perdis one time. Its like GPS for makeup, its like those pigs they use in the south of France to find truffles, waterproof mascara truffles, long wear lipstick truffles. This got away from me please try garnier micellar water
  3. TheBalm blush in cabana boy. I hardly ever use blush cause I’m pale like death and any colour shows up right away, but i bought this because I love the packaging so much and i’m a responsible consumer like that. And it has a mirror so I keep the little compact in my bag and use it for whatever (and because I really, really love the packaging). But its actually really good? Highly pigmented so you only need the barest bit, which means it will last FOREVER. The other colors in the line look just as good, and Frat Boy is a dupe for NARS orgasm (like, its not NARS. but it could be. if you squint. or look from far away in slightly dimmed lighting).
  4. Gel nail polish seems whack to me and, having been told pretty severely my entire life to avoid the sun at all costs, the idea of putting my fingers under UV light seems very counterintuitive. So i was hella happy when they came out with miracle gel, which is one of those hybrid products that says it gives the same results as the hardcore stuff but of course doesn’t, but there’s no death rays involved so I feel like that’s a fair compromise. I’m currently wearing it in Dig Fig, which is this amazingly deep oxblood colour I imagine Annalise from How to Get Away with Murder would wear to court when defending a particularly guilty client. 
  5. NYX lip creams I CANT BELIEVE I HAD FOUR PRODUCTS TO PUT AHEAD OF THIS these creams are fucking amaaazing, they’re a true matte but they don’t dry or flake, they come in an awesome range of colours named after all different cities (I have Sao Paulo, Amsterdam, Addis Ababa, Tokyo, Antwerp, Monte Carlo… you get the point, I have a lot of lip products and the names are cool) and they last for aaaages they hardly even smudge after you eat. Sometimes the color on the bottle isn’t true to the actual color - eg Buenos Aires is a light pink bottle but the cream itself has a strong orange/warm undertone, as someone who looks horrendous in coral I was SHOCKED, SHOCKED - but that just means you should swatch before u buy, no big.

And OK this is not a recent purchase but I feel like it needs saying: dry shampoo. DRY SHAMPOO. Where would I be without it? Who would i be? Ive gotten to the point where I use it instead of hairspray for texture - like look at this braid I did the other day. WITH DRY SHAMPOO YOU, TOO, CAN GIVE YOUR ‘DESPERATE TO NOT GET HOT IN RIDICULOUS PRE-SUMMER HEAT’ UPDOS VOLUME AND LIFT. I use batiste with a hint of brunette cause I don’t need weird aerosol white patches in my hair from flagrant dry shampoo abuse, but their cherry smells amazing too.