i should have kept my old post instead of deleting it

When you, stop wanting us

Originally posted by aomg-jaypark

It was funny.

Somehow you found it funny because everyone had warned you about dating a celebrity and he was. He was that exactly; a celebrity. He was a proper celebrity with proper fans and before he was your boyfriend, everyone warned you the danger of dating Jay Park but you were stubborn. In some ways when you think about it now, it was good that you were stubborn because loving Jay was the greatest thing you have done, loving Jay was easy and simple.

That was until it was no longer that.

There was always that, the familiar tone of ‘I told you so’ whenever people asked you about Jay nowadays but it was never that for you. They warned you of all the girls he were always with, all those songs he crooned and all the raunchy lyrics he wrote. It was never that with Park Jae-beom.

He was a man; a complete gentleman.

He made you happy, and when you met him it felt like forever since you’ve been happy. You were in your mid-twenties, young and beautiful. Your face reeked with youth and your smile never losing its ‘breath of fresh air’ but life as someone in mid-twenties was hard. You were trying to find yourself and you were trying to make a name for yourself. You were filled with passion and spirit to carve your name in the world and who would be more attractive at that age than a 30 years old CEO, who was filled with confident, youth, composure and security.

You found warmth in Jay.

You found love with Jay.

Keep reading

Carisi-centric thoughts on Ep 18x19

For once, lol.


Needless to say, LONG POST.

Overall Thoughts

I liked it? What?

It felt like an episode from a previous season. I checked, and it appears two of the “old” writers wrote it. One of whom also wrote Know It All and Great Expectations, namely some of the best least terrible (and more true to character) episodes of the season. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. When a writer knows the characters well, it shows.

Let me get one negative thought out of the way: just when I was enjoying the episode, what do you know, the rapist turned out to be sympathetic again! Good ol’ Season 18. I have to say, though, that in this particular instance, in this specific episode, this was probably done for the sake of the totally predictable twist. The message wasn’t “oh but he’s a nice guy,” it was “he’s a victim too,” and that’s a pretty classic SVU trope.

Still, I didn’t appreciate how the episode tried to equate the experience of the victim and the rapist, nor the fact the actual rape was practically glossed over (via that favorable-ish plea deal) in order to target the “real” bad guy. Again, SVU has done that before, many times, and the reverend sure was a bad guy, but I did not like that ending. The rapist was almost excused for his actions, and the reverend willingly sacrificed himself to keep all that money and continue to help the needy. Like, they are the criminals in this story. No need to make them so noble. At least they could have had the reverend weeping for his cash.

I did, however, like that the girl seemed okay in the end, she had accepted both what happened to her and who she was, and she seemed more free. Also, she didn’t totally renounce her faith, which I think was a nice touch.

Barba Thoughts

For once, the show managed to find the most interesting (legally) speaking aspect of a case, and stick with it. It was smart to use the first amendment to defend rape as an expression of religious beliefs. It was an (extreme but) interesting legal argument, even if the writing was a little bit murky on that. As mentioned, rape condoned by a religion is still rape by secular laws, but the real issue is consent. If the victim, even in retrospect (due to manipulation, in this case) were to say, “I consented,” that would be the end of this case. Fortunately, Liv was there to convince the victim to testify, as is her wont :D

But back to the law, and back to Barba. Barba cited actual cases! Multiple times! My word! And there was an entire scene of him and the defense attorney in the judge’s chambers, presenting intricate legal arguments! Like, there was an actual discussion of the law! What? I was pinching myself the entire time.


Okay I’m sorry for all the capslocking but Barba was actualLY DOING HIS JOB?????!!!!!1

Speaking of spectacular, let’s get to Sonny :D

Sonny and Continuity

The show remembered Sonny is Catholic, and wanted to become a priest, and grew up in the Church. I appreciated that reference to his teen years, when he seemingly idolized the priests in his life. That’s consistent with what we learned in Unholiest Alliance (which, according to imdb, was written by the same writer who wrote this episode, so that would explain it).

But it’s also consistent with Sonny’s (prior) characterization. It’s one thing to say “my priest saved my life” (as Sonny said in the somewhat similar Duggars episode, last season), but to say “if a priest told me to jump, I’d only ask ‘how high?’” is very different.

We know Sonny has a tendency to get attached to the authority figures in his life (Liv, Barba), and we know he has a desire to impress them, to earn their approval. If you take that quality of an adult Sonny, and try to apply it to a teenage Sonny, with the added element of faith and God? Yeah, I can imagine how badly a younger Sonny would want to get God’s approval. That was an almost throwaway reference, but it really told us a lot about Sonny.

As did that final interrogation, with the reverend. Sonny knows how to hit them where it hurts, and he really handled that masterfully. But one detail I’d like to focus on was the way he casually accepted the fact that guy’s church had done some “good things.” It reminded me of his treatment of Rudnik. Sonny is able to perceive and acknowledge goodness, if and when it exists, even in the darkest of people. That’s classic Sonny.

Sonny and Religion

I also appreciated the confirmation that, while Sonny is faithful, he is not blind to the faults of the Church. Or to the misinterpretations of God’s will. Regrettably, there was a deleted scene which went into Sonny’s beliefs in depth (here), but we didn’t get to see it. Still, the script alone is enough to confirm everything I’ve always suspected about him and his faith.

“I don’t pretend to understand what God wants for me. But my take has always been, “Do unto others.” And I wouldn’t want anybody telling me who I could or couldn’t love.”

That’s the perfect encapsulation of Sonny’s attitude. No judgment, no presumptions, but also a healthy reverence for God’s will and the mystery it truly is, for those who are faithful. ‘Do unto others’ is truly Sonny Carisi in a nutshell. It’s both empathetic (because Sonny can easily put himself in someone else’s place) and open-minded (because Sonny believes everyone should get to choose for themselves).

And the reference to love, that’s important as well. A lot of people who grew up in a more strict religious setting can’t help internalizing some of the more conservative teachings. Even if they disagree as they get older, it can be hard to shake the beliefs they grew up with. Sonny seems to have succeeded in doing that. His take is defiant, and confident, and meaningful.

“Don’t tell me who I can love.” End of story. I truly wish we had gotten to see Sonny saying that, because I think it’s important to see a young macho (as of late) white guy expressing such kind-hearted and progressive views, but at least we did see him saying this:

They’re kids. With normal sexual desires. But you made them feel they had the devil inside them.”

That needed to be said, and I’m happy Sonny was the one to say it.

The Barisi Corner



The Barisi Corner, Part 1

(yes there are 2 parts, one for each scene. don’t judge me, this was a long time coming)

I loved the first moment, at the precinct. The entire squad, plus Barba, were discussing the absurdity of using the first amendment as a justification for rape. Sonny had some thoughts on the subject, almost as a devil’s advocate (no pun intended), and he tried to express them, but of course Barba cut him off, because that entire theory is crazy. There’s no such thing as blanket consent. Even if the girl agreed in abstract that rape can be a “cure,” she would need to consent in the moment, and that consent could be withdrawn at all times, as Barba pointed out.


Sonny kept on. Respectfully. Without yelling or getting mad. Sonny agreed with Barba, of course, but that wasn’t the point he was trying to make. That’s why he didn’t let Barba’s interruption stop him. He was, again, respectful, all “of course, but I’m just saying, hear me out,” etc., but he stuck to his guns. He showed the appropriate degree of deference to an experienced ADA like Barba, but he kept talking.

And Barba kept listening.

Sonny’s point was that the case was tricky, and the victim was confused and easily manipulated, so a good defense attorney (btw I love this defense attorney, I had missed him!) would “lather that up” into consent. What a great phrase, and what a Sonny Carisi phrase, frankly. Punctuated by the classic Sonny Carisi gesturing :D

Barba’s reaction to Sonny’s totally accurate (and prophetic) remark?

“…I agree.”

Simple as that. No snark, no sass. Barba was smizing the entire time, of course, but this was about work.

I mean, the fact they even spoke to each other was progress, but the fact they had a cordial conversation about the legal aspects of the case, and they came to an agreement? WE ARE BLESSED :’)

I always love it when the show remembers Sonny is a lawyer, and he can actually argue the specifics of a case (here, the strategy of the defense) with Barba, in a way the other cops can’t. That hadn’t happened in a long time. When Liv suggests something (like playing that tape, last week), it’s more intuitive and less strategic. More “this is the right thing to do,” and less “this is the smartest move for us right now.” Sonny thinks like a lawyer. Like Barba. And Barba knows and appreciates that.

This season has done away with any and all personal plots and characterization and interpersonal dynamics, but this one scene allowed me to fanwank it as progress. To pretend we didn’t just watch a boring scene about the law. Instead, we witnessed Sonny and Barba being totally professional, and in sync, and working together as equals. Analyzing a case, listening to each other’s points, and coming to an easy agreement. We basically witnessed an ideal working relationship :’)

The Barisi Corner, Part 2

I also loved how Sonny sat in on that meeting with Barba and Liv, when they spoke to the rapist and his attorney. There was no reason for Sonny (or Liv, lol) to even be there, technically, but that was less of a meeting and more of an interrogation, so Barba relied on his two most trusted police officers :D

I think Sonny was there because he could relate to the guy, having been raised in the faith. Barba (again in Unholiest Alliance, by the same writer) was clearly aware Sonny is a “good Catholic,” so I think he may have suggested it. Or Liv could have. Cozying up to a perp is the old Sonny’s go-to move, and this case demonstrated that perfectly. Sonny was the only SVU cop able to display a genuine understanding of the boy’s faith, but also his blind adherence to the reverend’s commands. That’s why Sonny mentioned his own relationship with the priests in his youth.

Sonny was in that room for that explicit purpose. That’s why he was sitting there, all sprawled out and sexy, ready to get up and pounce. He practically took over the interrogation, with Liv and Barba chiming in here and there. I think all three of them (BARSONISI ALERT) agreed that would be their best play, and they possibly even practiced it. The best way to get the kid to crack. To understand that, just like Sonny said, it’s not right to quote the Bible to justify a crime. I loved Sonny’s confidence, in that scene.

Speaking of confidence and Barisi, I LOVED it when Sonny got all sassy, saying, “let’s hit this guy where it hurts the most,” and Barba was smiling like “that’s mah boyfriend, I’ve taught him well!” I just loved that. We hadn’t gotten a real, solid friendly look between them in so long. I’m glad Sonny got to deliver the cocky line, for once, and I’m even more glad we got to see Barba’s amused-slash-approving reaction. Sonny has gotten significantly more confident through the seasons, and it’s always great to see Barba acknowledging that with delight.

Stray Thoughts

lol at Barba being all “omg we blew it, we lost the jurors, we’re done,” even though their case was still pretty solid.

Double lol because last week Barba was all “d’oh, it’s hypnotism! Which is totally real! What a slam dunk! I’m totally winning this case!” :D

I see Fin is still a detective, glad we cleared that up. You know, because Liv introduced him as such. Even if he’s “practicing his Sergeant skills,” which, how rude were Sonny and Amanda, by the way? Crack a smile, you guys, Fin was making a joke! to remind us he is kind of a Sergeant but not really! I wish Peter and Kelli had given legit deadpan looks, though, to make it even funnier. As it was, the scene was kind of awkward. Except Ice, who was hilarious.

Also, hey, remember how Fin’s son is gay? lol me neither also, hey, remember fin is a grandfather? lol no one does

When the friend said, “YOU WERE RAPED,” Liv’s face was like, “excuse you, honey, I’m the only one who’s allowed to scream that in a victim’s face.”

The actor playing the rapist was very good! So creepy. Almost robotic, until he cracked in the end. Very nice performance, he really made the episode. All the actors were great, in fact.

Liv’s colorblock jacket? Flawless.

I’m going to need all the gifs of Sonny sitting behind Barba, all sprawled out, please and thank you :’)

stay the night

Originally posted by babyun

summary: angsty(?) post break up reunion after a late discovery. i’m bad at these i know.

pairing: taeyeon / reader

2,341 words.

in honor of snsd’s 10th anniversary coming up and since @deathly-muse’s taeyeon fic motivated me again, i’ve decided to finish and post this scenario that’s been collecting dust in my laptop. anyways as always, enjoy~

Keep reading

Bluest eyes in the history of blue

Sherlock x reader

word count: 736

warnings: extreme fluff

so, I don’t know if you guys remember this but when I had my old blog a person requested this and I wrote it and posted it on tumblr. Ever since I deleted that account and started this one, I kept remembering this particular oneshot but I couldn’t find it anywhere in my documents. So I summoned all of my memory and tried to re-write it. I’m confident that this is almost identical to the original (plus a few things), if anything, it’s better.

alright, enjoy!

Sherlock watched as you slowly fluttered your eyes, which were met with a white room. The beeping of the monitors was echoing through your head. You finally looked at Sherlock who was sitting on a chair to your left, beside him a snoring John. You were put in St. Barts because of a bullet you took through your shoulder on a case with your soon to be husband, Sherlock.

You had to go through a procedure to heal the wound, and since this morning you were asleep from the amount of painkillers they gave you, not knowing when exactly you were going to wake up. 

Suddenly, you giggled loudly, causing John to wake up surprised. You laughed even louder and pointed a finger at his face.

“(Y/N), you’re awake!” exclaimed John.

“Obviously,” said Sherlock as you calmed down and looked to your right, seeing your injured shoulder wrapped in bandages.

You chuckled. “Look at that, I look like a mummy!” you slurred. John stared at you for a bit before looking at Sherlock, waiting for an explanation.

“Analgesics,” he said.

“English,” demanded John.

“She’s on a ton of painkillers. Honestly, John, educate yourself.”

John sighed. “How are you feeling, (Y/N)?”

“Great! Awesome, amazing, absolutely fantastic!” you exclaimed. John stifled a laugh, yet he failed miserably, cackling out loud. They eventually signed you out of the hospital and started carrying you out and into a cab.

Of course, on the way out, you kept telling Sherlock how he should start wearing your coats because his coats are depressing.

“… And so, you know. My coats-my coats are colorful and full of life. All of yours are black or dark grey. Come on!” you explained as they gently got you inside the cab, placing you in the middle of the two of them. You immediately laid your head on Sherlock’s shoulder. Half way through the ride, you looked up at him.

“Sherly, can I play with your hair?” you asked in a hushed tone. John heard, however. He pursed his lips in an attempt not to laugh.

“No,” Sherlock answered simply.

“Why not?” you cried.

“Because I said so.”

“It’s because you don’t love me, isn’t it?” you started tearing up.

“No, (Y/N)-”

“My fiance doesn’t love me, great,” you sniveled, crossing your arms.

Sherlock sighed. He couldn’t bare to see you like this, even if he knew you weren’t exactly in your right mind. “Fine. play with my hair.”

“Really?” your face lit up as if you weren’t crying at all. Without an answer, you started messing with his hair, ruffling it or twirling it around your fingers until you got home.

Right out of the cab, Sherlock lifted you up and almost threw you over his shoulder. You shouted and protested in the middle of the pavement, pounding on Sherlock’s back, causing the people walking to give you all weird looks.

Sherlock didn’t bother to take his coat off when you entered the flat. Instead, he went to your shared bedroom right away, gently laying you on the bed. He then went to take off his coat, coming back to you shortly.

He leaned forward, kissing your forehead softly. You stared at each other for a bit. He was about to lift his head before you spoke up.

“Sherlock,” he hummed in response, his face still an inch from yours. “you have the bluest eyes in the history of blue.”

He managed to only smile. “Oh, really?”

You hummed before your eyes drooped down, and you softly fell into a peaceful slumber.


Extra scene

You yawned as you walked out of your bedroom the next morning. You had to change before you walked out since you were still in your outing clothes.

“John, my phone is blowing up with texts about some video. What happened yesterday?” you asked in a groggy voice.

“Oh, nothing. Don’t worry about it.” he brushed it off.

“What video, John?” Sherlock cut in, already knowing what John was hiding.

“I said it was no- hey!” John was too late, Sherlock had taken his phone to see the video. You stood beside Sherlock to see as well.

It was a video of you looking drunk. Then you remembered what happened at the case, and you concluded you were ‘drunk’ on painkillers, leading to the video. Which was sent to almost all your friends, featuring Sherlock, whose cheeks were now red.


anonymous asked:

Hi loveliesss! I loved your hybrid au post and was wondering if you have any merman Cas fics to share.

Originally posted by cosplay-pants

Why is there so many amazingly written merfolk stories that are completely ruined by the weird and super detailed fish anatomy smut?! For the love of God, why would anyone want to read about a human penetrating an actual half fish? Not that I’m judging you guys who are into this, but really?! I’m just going to ignore those parts in the fics because some of these are actually pretty good in every other aspect :’D
Also HERE is the link to our hybrid au post for those of you who missed it.

Ps. There will be a few tentacle monster Cas fics… because why not
- Admin A

Title: A Fish Called Castiel

Author: bellacatbee

Rating: Explicit

Words: 37,000 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: I am not ashamed to admit that splash was one of my favorite movie as a child and yes, I am that old :’D This has to be my all time favorite merman Cas fic, because A. It was surprisingly realistic while still being a fairytale au. B. The writing was amazing. C. no awkward fish smut that makes an appearance in way too many mermaid fics :’D

Summary: Dean Winchester plans on proposing to his summer fling, Lisa Braeden. He buys a ring, against the advice of best friend Charlie Bradbury, and books a table at an expensive restaurant. Before he can propose however, Lisa breaks up with him. His pride wounded, Dean drives out to the coast, gets liquored up and throws the engagement ring into the ocean. When he goes in to retrieve it, he heads too deep and that should be the end of the story.

He shouldn’t end up back on the shore, coughing up seawater with a beautiful young man tending to him. Dean doesn’t know where this man came from or who he is but he gives him the engagement ring as a thank you for saving his life. He never expects to see the guy again, but two days later he gets a call from the local Sheriff about a strange man she’s picked up wondering naked in town with Dean’s wallet and ring on him.

The guy’s name is Castiel and, much to Dean’s surprise, he’s a mermaid.

(Read here)

Title: Glory in the Water

Author: bellacatbee

Rating: Explicit

Words: 20,890 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★  

Admin A’s notes: I should have known better when I saw the tentacle tag :’D All I have to say is proceed with caution! The only thing that saved this fic for me was the fact that there was no detailed description of Cas’s anatomy! Technically not a merman Cas fic but close enough :’D

Summary:  After the mysterious drowning deaths of three teens, Sam and Dean find themselves in a small town, investigating the possibility of a monster living in the local lake. Eventually, their search leads them to believe they’re dealing with some kind of tentacle monster.

They attempt to take down the creature, but it overpowers them, dragging Dean down into the lake. Sam, distraught, believes his brother is dead, but Dean awakens in a cave under the lake, being cared for by one of the monsters, Castiel.

Even as Sam vows revenge, Dean finds himself falling for the strange creature who believes Dean is his mate.

(Read here)

Title: Where The Heart Is

Author: earthseraph

Rating: General Audiences

Words: 886 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: I wish this was longer, but it was cute nonetheless.

 "You can go back if you want- You know, home.“

Castiel turned around to the quiet voice. Dean was standing at the end of the peer, arms self-consciously wrapped around his abdomen and bare toes rubbing against each other. His eyes were sad with an understanding tone- one that told him if he went now he would be forever forgiven but grieved over.

(Read here)

Title: Under The Sea

Author: assbuttsinlove

Rating: General Audiences

Words: 3,202 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: This was just an okay, little mermaid inspired story where both Dean and Cas are merfolk. For me though, there was nothing really spectacular about it.

Summary: For a long time, Prince Castiel’s grotto where he kept all his hidden trinkets and treasures had been his most heavily guarded secret. Now, his biggest secret was Dean, the sweet, green-eyed palace guard, with the freckles. Castiel doesn’t know how to tell Dean how he feels, so instead, he tries to show him.

(Read here)

Title: A Merman’s Tail

Author: remivel

Rating: Explicit

Words: 14,484 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: “Despite his strange appearance, Castiel had something no other sea creature had: a voice that sounded like rocks and sand and corals scraping against each other. It was magic to the ears of undersea life… a sound that pierced through the water like a barracuda, bringing a halt to the slow and monotonous sounds of the sea and a stark contrast to the usually soft and melodious voices of the merpeople. “

Lol sounds beautiful! This line made me laugh so hard (in a good way!)

“I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from the depths of the ocean,” Castiel explained.

Never thought merman au could be so canon :’D I swear I don’t care what comes after this, I’m giving it a high rating no matter what!

Summary:  Castiel was a merman who was born with the tail of a Great White Shark. Treated as an abomination by his own kind, Castiel found solace in observing humans and following their ships. He was content with watching them from afar, until he saved Dean, a human prince, from being killed by a shark. Soon, watching Dean from afar was not enough, and he wished to leave his life under the sea for a chance at being part of Dean’s world.

(Read here)

Title: BEHOLD, the Merman!



Words: 9,187 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★  

Admin A’s notes: I started this rec with a distant memory of having read some awesome merfolk Cas fics in the past… Seems like it might have been a dream or those fics have been deleted. Now I’m mostly laughing and cringing at the fics that I’m reading for this rec. I hope this is just me and all of you will find these fics amazing… I’m just not convinced yet.

 Castiel is everything Dean never knew he was looking for – smart, funny, hot as hell, and definitely, definitely not human.

(Read here) 

Title: Speciment 001

Author: AlreadyPainfullyGone

Rating: Mature

Words: 16,737 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★  

Admin A’s notes: I have no idea how I’m suppose to rate this fic. At points I thought it was brilliant in it’s own bizarre way, and then there were points (way too often to my liking) where I was literally cringing, blushing and downright appalled as they read it. This rec is so off course that I doubt by the time you’ve scrolled down to this fic, you no longer remember what the ask was even about. I am sincerely sorry!

Summary:  Dean is hired by Zachariah to fathom the new creature he’s fished out of the sea, and that would be Castiel obviously.

(Read here)


Author’s note: Don’t mind me with this drabble. I saw everyone posting a picture post about how relationships crumble due to communication problems and not working hard enough, then I stumbled across Gwen Stefani’s “Cool.” I didn’t do any grammar checks and it’s 3:40 am.

One day I’ll make a fic to make people cry.Tonight is probably not that night.

endemictoearth ch1darkcy slothpaws sassy-curmudgeon tinychemicals

Finn heard the knock on the door from the kitchen, almost dropping the tea kettle in the sink. Immersed in his thoughts due to the overflow of dishes and soap bubbles, he simply forgot how his guest had the tendency to arrive earlier than the time they agreed to. He grabbed the towel to his left, walking until he reached the bottom of the stairs to give a shout.

“She’s here! I got it!”

Finn made a stop in front of the mirror, checking to see if he looked all right. There was a ghost in front of him – a 17 year-old boy in a black Oasis shirt, sunnies, running his hands through his hair to make sure his fringe didn’t fall in his eyes. With a squint, the image of a boy vanished to showcase a man – one who kept his hair shorter, more cropped to the sides, shoulders straight, headphones stashed in a drawer instead of constantly draped over his neck. His eyes did twinkle as he realized he was looking more like his dad, but the long hair was definitely out of the question.

The knocking on the door became louder than the first set. That was twice that his thoughts drifted to the past, so he moved towards the handle to open. His words and breath left him, chest tightening as he watched her bite her bottom lip, hair curled around her face. She knew what she did to him and it amused her, hands crossed over her chest and cheeks slightly colored due to her travels. He would never forget how dark her body could blush underneath his hands, but the mental image flashed away just as quickly as it came.

“Well, it’s about time! Are you going to make me stand out here all day?”

Finn snapped his head up and opened the door wider. “ ‘Course not, silly! Come in, come in, Em is still upstairs. I have no idea what’s taking her so long.”

Rae didn’t need anymore prompt once Finn took his steps. She was already stepping inside the foyer, hands fiddling with the belt of her jacket, while Finn went to grab the suitcase from the car outside. She smiled wistfully at his actions. Finn would always remain her sweetest friend.

“I could have gotten it myself, you know.”

“Ah, no sweat at all. Just one bag and it’s not like you would carry all your possessions. Just your laptop, your cell, your diary, MP3 player – if a record player was portable, I’m sure you’d bring that instead!” He started to laugh as she came around her oversized suitcase to punch his arm, but he surprised her by pulling her into a hug. Rae sighed deeply, breathing in the familiarity of his cologne as he tightened the grip on her waist. They both squeezed, rocking back and forth, memories swirling. Finn nuzzled his face in to her neck once, then pulled back a little so he could could look at her face.

“I’ve missed you, yanno.”

Rae couldn’t help but scrunch her face. “Yeah, I know.” Which meant that she missed him, too.

“Ohhh, I see the love fest already started. Rae, should I go back upstairs so my husband could hog you all up, or do I get a hug as well?”

Rae walked backwards while watching him, but turned and rushed towards Emily, the pretty brunette who was close to giving birth. “There is no way I’ll refuse to hug my favorite mother-to-be! C'mon, c'mon I have presents! Finn, go get the kettle on, I have loads to talk about!”

If anyone told him that Rae and him couldn’t be, he would have laughed and told them to go fuck off. Yet, it happened. It was brutal. When the couple moved in together, they didn’t realize that if they didn’t work hard everyday for their relationship, that it would turn brittle and the slightest wind could carry them apart. Finn thought he proved enough of himself to her, while Rae felt that she wasn’t whole. After that last fight, Rae packed up all of her things, not even stopping to leave a note. He only realized she was gone for good when he saw her records missing. That was a big enough clue.

A few years apart made a huge difference. He finally cracked Izzy enough to get Rae’s email, pouring his heart and soul to a computer, hoping that she wouldn’t delete his message. Finn knew he was a mess, too. He already found Emily, but was willing to give up anything for his first love. Rae responded a week later, just when Finn had given all hope up. She explained that she could only be friends, because she would never let anyone make her feel that way he did again. Finn replied “Okay…”, so a few months they sent sporadic messages to each other to see how the other was doing. Finn knew she was traveling due to her career, but he also knew through Chop that she was on and off with a few guys. It made his stomach turn. 

 A weird thing happened. Emily met Rae at a party that he couldn’t go to at Izzy’s. The bubbling red-head didn’t think nothing wrong could happen when introducing the two. Rae was cautious, but Emily certainly wasn’t. They got along so well, that Rae only came around due to his new girlfriend’s insistence. More peculiar things happened. Rae was there for the ring purchase. Rae was there for the wedding. He thought at one point she would finally give up and admit that she still loved him, but his first love had refused to interrupt a blossoming relationship.

“Do you love Emily?” Rae had asked coolly, after a night where he was drunk and arguing about Rae’s intentions.

Finn was originally going to say “Not as much as I love you,” but he surprised himself by simply stating yes. “Yes. I do.”

“Then I’m here to make sure you don’t fuck this one up.”

Sitting in a chair, he watched as both women laughed and giggled, Emily even forcing Rae to touch her stomach when the baby kicked. There was a voice inside that insisted that should have been Rae having his child, should be the one wearing the ring, but he was over the regrets in his past. In another life he would be more careful, but in this one, he would grasp on to the only way he can have her.

Clearing his throat, Finn waited until both looked up at him. “That reminds me…we have a question for you, Rae.”

Rae raised an eyebrow, continuing to rub Emily’s belly.

“How do you feel about being a godmother?”

Emily let out a squeal when she saw the other woman’s face. Rae let out a large laugh, one that reached her eyes and smile. She grabbed Emily and hugged her closely, screaming out that she would love to be.

Finn grinned himself. Yes. This was the way this current life was meant to be.

“Nothing to Like About a Wedding”
Summary: We’re the only single people at this wedding table so let’s get drunk and bitch about everyone AU.

(I have never actually been to a wedding and my experience comes solely from bad TLC reality shows, so please forgive if I took a little artistic license with this one.This work was based off this post by Tumblr user broomstiks.)

Maka really, really hated weddings.

There were a lot of things to dislike. The dress she’d been forced to wear, for example, which was uncomfortable and ill-fitting and still somewhat wrinkled from sitting in the back of her closet for who knows how long. The music, which was almost always awful and absolutely always too loud. The old ladies whose names she couldn’t remember approaching her and asking how long until she settled down and found a man and had a couple kids.

The prospect of losing her best friend and roommate, the sweetest, most stunning girl she’d ever known, to an idiot like BlackStar.

But she was Tsubaki’s maid of honor. She was the only one who could keep Kid from running around and frantically trying to making the venue symmetrical. She was the only one who kept an eye on the guest list and the caterers, double-checked with the company that hand-made the bride’s maid’s dresses, ensured everything was in place for the big day.

If she missed it, Tsubaki would murder her. Brutally.So instead of sitting at home in her footie pajamas, reading her newest novel and sipping hot chocolate, she was slumped at a table in the center of an enormous tent, blinded by a strobe light across the dance floor, while the baseline of a pop song she’d never heard reverberated in her chest.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, it was starting to look like she was the only single one here. A couple chairs away, Liz Thompson was making out with an enormously tall guy Maka didn’t recognize. Harvar and Ox had disappeared half an hour before to join the throng on the dance floor. She could see Tsubaki and BlackStar every once and awhile, when the tide of other dancers shifted just right. Tsubaki was laughing, and BlackStar was attempting to breakdance.

 Maka really, really hated weddings.

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Here is the summary for those asking: What happened with Gabby?

1. Gabby was being her rude&nasty&immature self about Vessel. Vessel is a site where you pay to watch Youtube videos 3 days before they’re uploaded on Youtube. Tanya/Caspar/Marcus/Connor joined there. Alfie/Zoe/Tyler said they don’t support Vessel. But Gabby kept saying how “disgusting” those youtubers are/how they exploit their viewers over and over again. If you haven’t realize this is not the way to “state opinion” especially when you’re followed by many young&impressionable fans who needs to actually learn how to share opinions.

2. Alfie stated the obvious that she should be more mature the way she’s stating her opinions. (Note: Alfie also does not approve Vessel and he already stated his opinion.) This is why Alfie is a role model to many and Gabby is not. With those tweets you can see instead of taking Alfie’s gentlemanly advice, Gabby acts even more like a immature/rude little girl if that was possible. (Note: She’s a 20-year old adult).

Gabby did not stop there, she tweeted and fav'ed tweets which were shading Alfie. Wait! Why Gabby is allowed to share opinions (it was not sharing opinion it was being a dick anyways) but Alfie is not? This was the moment when the logic died. 

3. Her old bullying proofs surfaced where she call viewers “bitching” and leading her followers to send hate to them: HERE and HERE you can see a 20-year old woman attacking 14-year old girls and sending them hate. Both those girls were stating their opinions without even being close to rude. What happened to stating opinions Gabby? Or are you the only one who is allowed to share their opinions (again this girl can’t share opinions, she always be nasty about them and bullies people).

There are so many more instances of bullying/being nasty/shading but since she deletes her tweets constantly, it’s hard to find them.

Update: Here is another example where she called a fan (probably underage) a “whore” and thus bullied her to the point that poor girl agreed that she’s a “whore”!! When you think she can’t get lower than that she’s now trying to passing on calling an underage girl a “whore” as a JOKE on twitter?! Here is her tweet:

@velvetgh0st“@ellswindlehurst: "OMG GABBY CALLED SOMEONE A WHORE!1!1!1!”….as a JOKE….. Like 6 months ago” literally, people just want drama .

Excuse me since when it’s acceptable to joke to someone you don’t know and someone that is a fan of yours "whore”?!?!?!

4. Next day, Alfie wakes up and likes some tweets which clearly show that Alfie is aware of a)how Gabby bullies fans b)how she bad mouth youtubers in a very bad manner who happen to be Alfie&Zoe’s actual close friends c)how she indirected Zoe several times over twitter and Tumblr. The tweets and the posts linked on those tweets are HERE and HERE.

5. One of those tweets were linked to my post I did 3 months ago which was a  proof of Gabby shading Zoe in her Tumblr. It was taken from Tumblr by MYSELF when I used to follow and send asks to her on Tumblr. Someone asked Gabby is this was true and she said she didn’t have a Tumblr! A BLATANT LIE, HERE IS THE PROOF. This was the lowest moment of Gabby.

Update: I screenshot that tweet about not having a tumblr myself today and now that she’s caught lying, she deleted the tweet!!! 

6. Further reading: I also wrote a post about how Gabby leeched of from Zalfie over the couple of 8 months and how she became relevant in the youtube scene.

7. Aftermath

(Note: Hate the fact that Alfie&Zoe make such a toxic and negative person relevant)

Stephen and “Clock” Gate

Oy. Oy oy oy. You know it’s gonna be one of those posts when it starts with “oy” and I just used four. Mentally prepare my friends.

First and foremost, this post will have absolutely NOTHING to do with television other than to discuss a television star’s recent comments about an event in the news. Feel free to turn away now.

But I’m getting a lot of questions about it and even though this might be a GIGANTIC mistake, I’m going to write a post about it. Why? My priest said something very important yesterday. “The more we talk about evil the less power it has.” It’s important to talk about issues like racism. I think too often we don’t because we are afraid of offending people. But I think that just gives racism more power. 

These are my opinions and my opinions only. Nothing too shocking since this is my blog. You are more than entitled to disagree, however I won’t tolerate hate. If you are hateful you will be blocked or your comment with be deleted. The better option is to avail yourself of the unfollow button. I’m going to approach this from a position of understanding, respect and God willing a little humor. The humor might be an EPIC fail, but the rest I hope will not. So I expect the same in return.

In the immortal words of Xander Harris, “I don’t like racism. I’m gonna take a stand and say it’s not good.” (Xander was actually talking about vampires, but I think the quote still works).  I would certainly hope everyone can agree. There. A little common ground. Let’s build a bridge.

I think when we’re discussing issues of racism it’s very important to keep two words in mind: world view. Your world view is crucially important in these types of situations. It means your experiences in the world help shape your view of the world. Said another way? You don’t know what you don’t know.

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Happy Valley

I. Writing is hard! I’m working on a ~project~ that’s been taking up a lot of time, more mental than physical, and it seems like so much else gets lost when all my focus is aimed at that. I’ve mostly ignored Tumblr for the better part of a year, but some fit of nostalgia had me looking back at old posts the other day and I realized that I missed the occasional farting out of things on this messy Web site. Sometimes YouTubers will disappear for a week or two, sometimes longer, and then they’ll post a video apologizing for not posting for so long. As much as I wrestle—in the real Terrence Malick “mother, father” wrestle way—with feelings toward YouTubers, it is always a strange comfort when they return from unexplained hiatuses, gleaming back into the little box and explaining their absence with the breezy rush of someone who is just doing. so. much. 

But sometimes the YouTubers never come back. In my endless, sad searching of coming out videos, the great and terrible project of my life it seems, I found, a few years ago, a video called “Parents know,” in which some kid, buried deep somewhere in the lonelier parts of the Midwest, talked about coming out to his parents. It was a video in a small series of videos in which he told the camera, and whoever was listening on the other end, that he’d come out to someone. First a friend, then a sister, then his parents. The videos were all hushed and awkward, like his bedroom door was thin and he worried who else in the house could hear him as he stammered away about this slow, monumental process. He made a few videos after “Parents know,” ones I’d find on occasion throughout the course of a year or two, whenever I remembered to look. I never subscribed to him or even remembered his name, so I would just search “Parents know,” and then, three or four videos down, there he’d be. With some murmured, halting update, the calamine pink of his bedroom carpet, the cheap maple wood of his dresser and bed frame. 

One day, though, I searched “Parents know” and he was gone. He’d deleted his account, all his videos, and now I have no idea who else knows. Who else found out. Where he got into college. If he’s even alive anymore. It’s probably for the best that some faraway weirdo no longer knows what this strange kid is up to, but on some nights, in the course of some other dive into the clamor and thicket of YouTube, I find myself wondering if he’s O.K. If he weathered that in-between span of his life and has emerged, somewhere else, better and happier and brighter. I’m sure he has, and that’s why he doesn’t post videos anymore. But I guess I’ll never know for sure. Which is the contract we quietly sign when we start watching any of these things. We may know someone, small and static, for a little while, but then they might go. That was always how it might end.

II. I also haven’t been writing, I suspect, because I’ve been on a little life-bettering jag, one that has meant I don’t spend many nights, really any nights anymore, up late and drinking in my apartment, cigarettes blazing, tapping away on the computer. Here and there now and then, sure, but rare enough these days that it doesn’t really ever strike me to open Tumblr, of all things, and write something down. Which is fine. Better than fine. Good, even. Though, I do wish I was doing something else major and enveloping instead. When the reality is, I just go to bed earlier. I do more crosswords, addicted to the NYT app to the point that when I forgot, on some errant Friday, to do that day’s puzzle, breaking a month-and-a-half-long streak, I felt an actual sense of loss. Quickly followed by the sudden relief of realizing something doesn’t really matter, yes. But still, a sense of loss.

It’s been a quiet spring. The fourth anniversary of my friend’s death—so exhaustively, selfishly covered here in the past—came and went. A film festival, some plays, a prolonged, ultimately scuttled series of dates with a guy flickered and then dimmed. Not much has happened. So there’s not much to say. Maybe that is getting older! The loss of the remarkable, the steady descent of the mundane. But that’s awfully trite, isn’t it? And it dares the fates to send something big and terrible my way. Things are just fine. And who wants to read about just fine? 

III. I do wonder, though, about the future. How long this experiment in better living can realistically last. I feel good. I’m eating healthy, have lost weight, smoke a little less. But something is always looming, isn’t it? For me it’s a couple of trips, work stuff that’s exciting, but also suggests, threatens maybe, the extremes that I promised to myself, in the uneasy tilt of New Year’s, I’d try to avoid as long as I could. I think I can? I think I can! I feel different—shifted, hardened maybe, a little cleaner and simpler, less blurry and dynamic. I feel smaller, honestly, but not a bad small. Good small. Like a bead, smooth and contained and just plinking along.

Superstition, mine and others’, should dictate that I knock some wood or shut myself up right now, so as not to jinx it. So maybe I will. I don’t need to apologize to myself for not updating, for disappearing, for whatever deal I’ve broken. Things have kept skipping along. As they have—I hope. I’m sure.—for “Parents know.” Maybe now everyone knows. And what’s left, what’s happening right now, is the rest of it. I wish him luck. I wish you luck, distant stranger! And I wish me luck. Sure. Why not.

It was so warm today that I could almost see that first curl of summer, the fingertip on the edge of the page. 

We’re almost there. 

one two three ;; keep your eyes on me | phanfic

inspired by this post
specifically this prompt: “’don’t die on me oh God please don’t die on me stay with me look at me look at me i’m right here you’re gonna be fine oh God pleasedon’t die on me i s2g if you die i’ll kill you’ au”

that being said tw: major character death, angst, swearing
just a rushed little drabble that came to mind ok bye enjoy ;w;/ 

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Coffee Date Bumpdate.

Sneaky little bump appears to have come out of nowhere. I had wondered why tying my gym shoes had become more of a workout than my actual workout… Fun fact: I’m actually pregnant in the April 7th photo, I just didn’t know it yet!

(So why was I taking a bathroom selfie that I not only never posted but also didn’t delete off my phone? #vanity #progress #whatever.) I’m glad I kept it though - it’s fun to see how big I’ve actually gotten. The funny thing is that I don’t really *feel* bigger. I’m still squeezing my expanding self into my old clothes, but I’ve got a slew of maternity clothes on standby for the inevitable belly pop arriving in 3, 2, 1…

Phil gave me some solid advice this morning: stop weighing yourself. I had only been weighing in once a week but without really knowing how much I should be gaining if I’m also losing (naturally through eating supremely well & exercise) the numbers just confused me. I wondered if I was gaining enough or if I was gaining too much. In England (at least in my experience & from everything that I’ve read), the midwives weigh you ONCE and that’s at your first appointment. After that, it’s all about measurements and eying the size of the bod. So far, I haven’t gotten any side eye and the baby measured right on track at the last (20-week) ultrasound, so I’m guessing the hubs is right once again: no more scale.

Baby kicks are finally coming through loud and clear. I couldn’t feel much before thanks to an anterior placenta (file under: things I never thought I’d blog about) but the little bugger is heading toward her* fighting weight and practicing pretty impressive right jabs now.

I’m feeling incredibly lucky to being feeling so well - no swelling, out-of-control appetite or cravings or body pain. Thank the sweet baby Jesus for a long torso - this kid has plenty of room to grow before the breasts-baby-unibump trifecta happens and I’m suffocating. I’m riding this wave for as long as it sticks around!

*We don’t know the sex, but I’ve gone full Girl Power and started referring to the baby as a “she” instead of the usual “he” but obviously we’ll be thrilled either way. 

The Last One

Just a week ago, I had the courage of re-reading our conversations for the last two years in my phone. I came across some sweet messages like “wake up! i miss you” sent at 4 am while you’re there wide awake while I was deeply asleep. Then there are messages like “don’t talk to me.” followed by 3 days of emptiness that made me laugh and paused for a while to just imagine what it’s like if you’re here, with me, still having the same old routines of fighting and making up every single day. Would it be the same? No change of treatment? No coldness after all this time? You know, us. Just wondering.

After scrolling the almost endless conversation, I had a moment of thinking whether I should delete the thread of memories left for me. I was just staring at your photo in the upper left corner of my phone, you wearing that grey vneck shirt you wear all the time. Oh I loved that shirt. And the smell of it. Then I thought about how we spent most of our time together, in silence just sitting next to each other. We did talk a lot but it’s the silence that really kept us together. The comfort of being connected to each other without the power of words. Just us.

I took a deep breath and realized saving these messages won’t bring you back to me. It will just slow down my phone and probably bring me tears again when I re-read them. Then there was another long pause for me to think whether I must delete them or not. I decided to delete them all. It took a long time for my phone to get rid of the words that used to make sense to us back then. I didn’t feel a hint of regret inside of me. Instead, I felt a chance of new beginning. I smiled. Then I laughed. Call me insane but you’d really laugh when you finally realize it’s time to let go of what is holding you back. It was surreal.

After that I came over my blog, check the special tag I have for you. I didn’t delete all the posts, letters, photographs that involved you. I just read them all. I tried remembering the exact moment when I posted each memory and how I used to feel at that moment. Everything was a mixture of happiness, sadness, madness, regret, pain, calmness and contentment. I don’t think I could ever forget you. You will be buried in my mind someday and underlain by new beautiful thoughts and memories I will have for the next days, weeks, years of my life.

So now I thank you for everything. I no longer hold anger or anything for you. Just pure thankfulness and great wishes for whatever you have in mind that you dream for yourself. We could say it was fun while it lasted but now that it’s over (it’s been over for a long time but I never let go of it until now), I can finally give myself a new beginning I deserve. I hope you  will still grow in love and hope with other people in your life. You deserve it. I loved you, goodbye.

anonymous asked:

hey... hey dude... you should give us some hap headcanons about rey and luke being father + daughter

…..ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME ON TWITTER becuz that is literally what ive been doing for the past 20 minutes over there [narrows eyes] IM WATCHING YOU 

k so after a long ass convo w/ The Crew we decided that luke didn’t leave rey on jakku (because he isn’t a shitty dad HE ISNT I REFUSE TO ALLOW THIS FIGHT ME @ JJ) and it was instead one of the other people @ the jedi temple, who managed to spirit rey away during the massacre by the first order. luke was away doing Srs Jedi Business for the rebellion and comes back to find everything he built in ashes, his nephew turned to the dark side, and is utterly unable to sense his tiny daughter :) naturally you can understand why this might lead to a ‘fuck this i’m out’ scenario (for added fun imagine leia coming to the burnt out hollow of the temple not only unable to sense her son, but her brother or niece either. you’ve always been strong luke had told her, but she can’t handle this, and definitely can’t handle it alone) 

ANYWAY to move on from the sads 

i always imagine luke is incredibly hesitant around babies??? they are just so small and soft & he never had to deal with them when he was growing up (even holding his own nephew for a family picture is a stressful occasion) so when rey is born he is so nervous and holding her like she’s a bomb about to explode and leia is exasperated and even han is like ‘kid really you’re a jedi master and she is a baby if i can handle it so can you’ up until 1 night when she is just crying and crying and crying and luke finally gives up and just cuddles her and rey coos because THAT is what she wanted you utter doofus  

also rey is defo the sort of baby that had an assortment of ugly knitted hats courtesy of chewbacca. when she is old enough she makes an even more hideous one for her dad so they can match. he wears it with pride (ben also had a set of ugly hats and he has tried in valiant desperation to delete any evidence of them from the cosmos) 

luke totally (and irresponsibly mutters obi wan from the after life) taught rey a little about object manipulation through the force with the cunning use of a spoon and cookie dough 

luke is also the one responsible for giving her that truly bizarre ponytail. he had offered rey a chance to go to one of leia’s old stylists, but rey was a stubborn 5 year old and only her dad’s awkward hair styling skills suited her and she kept it ever since 

rey also followed around her dad like a duckling so it was often a common sight in the jedi temple for luke to be conducting business whilst rey was twirling around in his cloak, or curled up asleep in his arms, or just having a piggy back from location to location. when your dad is a jedi master you can get perks okay 


Shitty Things That Happened Once.

I’m not really sure why I’m posting this, but…it’s just something I feel compelled to share after all these years. Every once I look back on these and think, “That is kind of fucked up.” Remember: what you do or say to others, regardless of internet or real-life…it matters.

[Super personal. Don’t like, don’t read.]

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