The Riverdaily Rundown - 08/22/2017
Alright, mofos. This is about to be the worst rundown in the history of rundowns, partially because I feel really sick and partially because I feel so sick I don’t give a shit. So, without further ado, let’s dive in.
One of the Riverdale writers uploaded a photo to their instagram stories, and the fandom is freaking out. I know what you’re thinking, when is the fandom not freaking out? I’d like to think that we’re pretty calm on every 2nd Tuesday of the month, but maybe that’s just me.
No, but really, the fandom is freaking out for a legitimate (though miniscule) reason for once in its goddamn history of existence. The photo shows an array of items: a cellphone, a partially drunk water bottle, a really cool name tag, a pen that may have spent its time dwelling in a mouth, and a script. Guess which item the fandom is freaking out about:
B) a partially drunk water bottle
C) a really cool name tag
D) a pen that may have spent its time dwelling in a mouth
E) a script
If your answer was anything other than “E” then you truly need to work on your comprehension and deduction skills. Bless.
Only a small part of the script is shown, and a lot of it is unintelligible without further context; however, several fans have already latched onto keys words and have sent the fandom into a frenzy. (x) @tfios-forever16
This hiatus has really done a number on us all, hasn’t it?
Lili Reinhart is being Lili Reinhart again. Which pretty much means that Lili Reinhart is sleighing the game one reindeer at a time. (wow. that joke was funnier in my head. i’d erase it, but like i said in the beginning, i don’t give a shit)
@lilireinhart don’t worry, homie. That’s a compliment.
Why are there so many men in her room? Probably because the patriarchy feels the need to inhabit every area that a woman tries to claim as her own! Or maybe just ‘cause they’re setting up some shit to film. Idk. Both seem pretty likely to me.
(Pssst! That was a joke!)
Here’s a cute video clip of Lili doing things. I make that exact face when my mother says we ran out of ranch dressing. Right before I start sobbing uncontrollably, actually. (x) @sprousehartinvestigation
Wow. Look. It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s LILI REINHART BEING A MEME QUEEN!
Exhibit B) I don’t have any more exhibits. Isn’t one enough for you? I don’t get paid for this shit. The government doesn’t send me any checks to compile this content. Cut a girl some slack. Gosh.
Anyway, based off of this picture alone, I think that they should cast KJ as Jimmy Neutron if they ever make a live-action reboot. @nickelodeon do itttttttt. You know you want to!
Sprousehart fans, if you believe in God almighty, you might want to send a little thank you up to him, ‘cause he has been BLESSING Y’ALL! Straight up, y’all haven’t gotten this much content in wayyyyy too long. I felt your pain, kids. I prayed for us. I prayed for our sins. I prayed for a sign, signs, anything.
Here are your signs.
“Lili & Cole” + “Dog that is same Dog” = “Sprousehart + shared Dog?”Update! That picture of Cole with a dog is an old picture! I was so sick, I didn’t even notice that his hair was a different color. I’d blame myself, but I’m bad at taking responsibility for things, so I’m going to blame the universe instead. At least we still got Puppo pictures!!!
Yeah, we went over this the other day when we got a few snippets of the top of the doggo’s head. Now, we have gotten full photos of Cole and Lili with more than a snippet of the dog.
Look, I’m not all that excited ‘bout this. Okay? But that’s mostly ‘cause I’m allergic to dogs so I have a personal vendetta against them. You guys on the other hand? Y’all best be excited fo’ this shizniz. This is exciting af fo’ y’all and if ya don’t appreciate it?
Murder. Whose murder? Who’s being murdered? Who’s murdering? Idk. I can’t say that much without possibly incriminating myself in the future. I plead the fifth. (Can I do that? Get me my ghost lawyer.)
When you hear the phrase, “Your hair looks like a glorious raven dove down and blessed your head by choosing it as its resting place for eternity,” are you offended or complimented?
My question for you, Cole, is do you have to wash it or does it wash itself? Also, does it sleep perched atop your head as you try to sleep, or does it take flight into the deep midnight of the world, only to return as the dusty orange of the sun makes its way across the horizon?
These are very important and serious questions. Please answer them so that I may finally write that thesis paper that nobody wants to hear and nobody asked for. Thank you.
Rumors, rumors everywhere.
Rumors, rumors in the air.
What is true and what is fake?
Who knows? I baked a cake!
That’s my poem. Ur welcome for the A+ content. I will be adding that to my thesis as well. Send me MLA formatted essays analyzing it to receive no credit and zero acknowledgment!
Don’t ask me what I think. I’m a hopeless romantic, and I want everyone to be dating. I spent three years trying to convince my family that Pearl and Sandy Cheeks were going to get married. I am most definitely not a trustworthy source.
The only real trustworthy sources in this situation are Cole and Lili, so ask them. Or, y’know, don’t because its none of our business, and we really shouldn’t be sticking our noses into it any farther than we already have.
If they’re dating they’ll tell us when they want to (if they want to). If they’re not dating? Congratulations, guys. You are all officially candidates to date single Cole Sprouse and Lili Reinhart.
How you like them apples, eh?
JUST FUCKING GIVE ME SOME MORE VARCHIE MOTHER FUCKING CONTENT PLEASE!
Here’s a Varchie gif. The parallel is amazing. Reblog it and like it faster than a soccer mom driving to a weekly yoga class she’s late to. Damn kids always forgetting their juice boxes. (x) @veronicadvalle
@/Camera_Duels is back and it’s sadder than ever.
Just kidding, it’s super entertaining. Just kidding, it’s sad af. Just kidding, it’s both. Life is a spectrum. Live on the spectrum.
We all love Cole (probably). We would all love to meet Cole (possibly). And I’m pretty sure we would all jump at any chance to get proof that we saw Cole (most likely). However, we probably shouldn’t be jumping for anything other than the 1984 Van Halen classic “Jump” in the car. Why? Death. You can’t jump for anything if you’re dead. (x) @gershwinn
Which doesn’t actually seem that bad if it gets me out of doing an intense (5) amount of jumping jacks.
Also, dudes, have you no soul? Just kidding, don’t feel bad about taking a picture, but like you probably shouldn’t. He’s a dude. A famous dude, sure. But a dude with dude emotions and dude rights to privacy. Let the dude dude in the comfort of his dude privacy, dude.
Sorry for such a shitty rundown. It matches my equally shitty day, tbh. Hopefully this enough content to tide you over for the next 24 hours.
If it isn’t, stop being a greedy lil’ bitch.
Peace out, bitches.