i should feel worse about this

anonymous asked:

How do you feel knowing people use you as thinspo? Like do you ever think about how like you're actively contributing to making their anorexia worse?

It feels strange because I’ve struggled with body dysmorphia, and I don’t always see myself this way. I don’t think I am contributing to anyone’s ED, I don’t tell anyone they should look like me or starve themselves.

4

I remember being teased relentlessly throughout my childhood and my teenage life where people would say that because of my skin I’ll never be beautiful enough, they would even recommend skin bleaching products. So as a child I quickly realised that as a dark skinned girl I was not considered beautiful enough… At that time I didn’t know that it was the negativity from the people around me that was causing me to hate my skin and myself for that matter. I remember a time during school photos where a girl shouted “she’s too dark! You won’t see anything on her ID but her teeth!”, of course everyone laughed it out… And so did I…. Because I didn’t want to make it seem like I was offended… Their feelings felt more important than mine… After all growing up I was always reminded of how unlikely I was of ever being beautiful or finding someone that found my darkness beautiful…..
As a 19 year old today I sit here and say “I never gave in to skin bleaching”, “I was constantly reminded of how ugly I was but that only made me love myself even more….. I began considering myself as someone different, someone beautiful and out of the ordinary.”
Your skin no matter how dark it is that when you smile you can only see the glow of your teeth is worthy of love, your skin is that of a goddess and you should never feel anything about your skin but self love. I write this to all of the people that have gone through similar and worse, you don’t need to learn to Love your skin, the love is already there… You just gotta unleash it.

I would like to hear some stories of yours if you’ve ever gone through the same thing…. Message me on Instagram.
IG: YoungNubiie

On Discourse

Someone shared with me on twitter today a really hateful ask sent to them from someone identifying as a “nerd fighter” that included racial slurs and was generally tremendously hurtful. The ask in question was anonymous, so I have no idea who sent it, but just to be clear:

That’s not okay. That doesn’t represent nerdfighteria well, and while I’m very grateful to people who like my work and like sharing it, being mean to people–attacking them with racist or hateful comments–does nothing positive for me or my work or the nerdfighter community or anyone in the world. It makes us, as a species, a little bit smaller, and a little bit worse.

We all (including me!) struggle to imagine each other complexly and generously, and to have listening-focused conversations. But the great gift of the Internet is not just the chance to share; it’s also the chance to listen. I would encourage us to find better paths to better discourse. When I’m angry or outraged or defensive (which happens all the time when I’m online), I try really hard to take a step back and to try to be empathetic rather than merely angry. I think we should try to be kind to each other, and generous toward each other. Hateful anon asks and trolling and baiting people who disagree with you accomplishes nothing in the end, except making us all feel worse about ourselves and the overall quality of discourse online. 

10 movies to watch when you’re broken

1. Her (2013) dir Spike Jonze

This movie is so great and it’s soooooo tumblr. Spike Jonze is a really fabulous director and his movies are always so beautiful. This movie takes place in a somewhat futuristic version of LA and it is about Theodore, a greeting card writer who falls in love with his operating system. It is silly. Silly movies rule.
You’ve totally seen these pics on tumblr.

2. Lost in Translation (2003) Dir. Sophia Coppola

Lost in Translation is a movie that, if you haven’t seen already, you have to watch like directly after Her because the directors were married and divorced in 2004. This movie is said to be reminiscent of their crumbling relationship, Spike Jonze being Bill Murray’s character and Sophia being Scarlet’s. Her is said to be Spike Jonze’s reaction to this film. ScarJo is such a bae.
“A faded movie star and a neglected young woman form an unlikely bond after crossing paths in Tokyo.”

3. Lars and the Real Girl (2007) Dir. Craig Gillespie

This movie is VERY important because it has Ryan Gosling in his chubbiest, dorkiest form and that’s something everyone has to see. It follows a similar premise to Her, except instead of being in love with an OS he’s in love with a sex doll. Exciting. 

4. Blue Valentine (2010) Dir. Derek Cianfrance

This film also has Ryan Gosling in it so clearly it’s fab. This is the type of movie that leaves you thinking about every relationship in your life forever. It inter-cuts between the beginning of a marriage and the end. “You said for better or for worse. You said that. You said it. It was a promise. Now, this is my worst, okay?”

5. The Place Beyond the Pines (2013) Dir. Derek Cianfrance

OKAY! IT’S ANOTHER RYAN GOSLING FILM! I still don’t really know how I feel about this movie as a whole, but it’s really beautiful and Ryan Gosling is in his prime in this film. It’s essentially a three part movie. It also has Bradley Cooper and Dean DeHaan in it so that’s three reasons you should watch it. The cinematography is A+ also. 


6. Palo Alto (2014) Dir. Gia Coppola

Palo Alto is the type of movie that’s honestly about nothing, but I found that it’s the only film about adolescence that actually captures how it feels to be so heartbroken, confused and lost for no real reason. The cast is stunning! It has that ‘first film’ vibe as well which I think aids the film. 

7. Beasts of the Southern Wild (2012) Dir. Benh Zeitlin

Another first film for the director. Beasts of the Southern Wild is a stunning film. It’s very very emotional as well. Be prepared to cry. 

8. Moonrise Kingdom (2012) Dir Wes Anderson aka King of film

You either love Wes Anderson or you hate him. I personally love him. Moonrise Kingdom is so perfectly awkward. It’s great to watch when you’re sad because it’s funny in a way that’s not too in your face. It’s the perfect relief to your sadness.

9. Clueless (1995) Dir Amy Heckerling

After you’ve watched Moonrise, you’re ready for something light. That something light is Clueless. You can use Cher’s “as if!” attitude to get over whatever has led you to this list or to this blog. 

10. Grand Budapest Hotel (2014) Dir Wes Anderson

Another movie by king Wes. It’s the perfect quirk fest and it features Ralph Fiennes in a really quirky role which is surprising. It’s funny but not a comedy and I love it. Again, Cinematography rules.

I don’t think a lot of people seem to realize that Kara’s family is actually just as bad if not worse then Lena’s. Her Aunt tried to enslave two worlds, her Uncle was a vicious murderer who not only tried to enslave two worlds but also tried to kill off humanity. Kara’s father created biological weapons and thought it was a noble pursuit worthy of praise. Her own mother used her to capture a loved one

Kara knows very well that the House of El was just as bad and misguided as the Luthors. And deep down inside she knows that if she wasn’t lucky enough to be considered “one of the good ones” they would treat her with the same prejudice, the same hatred and judgment people treat Lena. It would probably be even worse since she is an alien. She would have probably been killed outright or locked up to rot in a cell.

So I don’t think that Kara is just angry about the fact that her friends have no faith in her judgment or the fact that they are going after her friend. I think that  every time James or Winn or Maggie or J’onn attack Lena  Kara feels like this is an attack on herself as well.

And the worst part is that nobody seems to understand where Kara is coming from.Not even Winn who should really know better considering his father’s history . Not James who was framed for a murder he didn’t commit. Not J’onn who was unfairly hunted down just because he was an alien. They should all know better and yet they are just as judgmental as Snapper. Kara considers her friends the best people on the planet and this must be such a huge disappointment to her. It must break her heart and make her absolutely furious at the same time

I think the only one who understands to some degree was Alex. I think that’s why she didn’t join the witch hunt against Lena

The PTSD Masterpost

Posts

Flashbacks

Complex PTSD

Dissociation

The 6 categories post


PTSD Criteria & Diagnosis

The difference between PTSD & trauma

Changes to PTSD criteria in DSM-5

PTSD diagnostic criteria

What is a criterion A level trauma?

Emotional abuse part 1

Emotional abuse part 2

Non-interpersonal trauma

Do suicide attempts count as a criterion A trauma?

Trauma from serious physical illness

Challenges in diagnosing PTSD

Can I have PTSD if I don’t have flashbacks?

Paranoia


CPTSD

(see also the CPTSD post, above)

Differences between CPTSD and BPD

CPTSD treatment

The Body Keeps the Score

Can trauma cause BPD?


Trauma Severity & PTSD

What is trauma? part 1

What is trauma? part 2

Is my trauma severe enough part 1

Is my trauma severe enough part 2

Is my trauma severe enough part 3

Can I have trauma without having PTSD? part 1

Can I have trauma without having PTSD? part 2

Is neglect trauma?

How likely is it that person will get PTSD after losing a parent to suicide?

What if I have PTSD symptoms but no trauma?

Why do some people get PTSD after trauma but others don’t?


Dissociation

(see also the dissociation post, above)

Is dissociation unhealthy?

Why do some people not want to integrate their dissociative identities?

Causes of dissociation

Can you dissociate if you don’t have PTSD or trauma?


PTSD & Memory

Is the trauma memory true? part 1

Is the trauma memory true? part 2

Can I recover my trauma memory?

On repressed memories

Out of body memories

How can I have PTSD if I don’t remember my trauma?

Is it possible that I experienced trauma even though I don’t remember it?


Recovery

Is recovery possible?

Is recovery from CSA possible?

Symptom fluctuation


Treatment for PTSD

Exposure treatment part 1

Exposure treatment part 2

Exposure treatment part 3

EMDR part 1

EMDR part 2

EMDR part 3

Cognitive processing therapy

Schema therapy

Time perspective therapy

Somatic experiencing

Critical incident stress debriefing

Do I need to do CPT or exposure to heal from PTSD?

Psychedelics

Trauma informed care & cultural competence

Dissociation during treatment


PTSD & Working with Therapists

Isn’t it condescending for therapists to guide clients to their own conclusions?

Is my therapist judging me? part 1

Is my therapist judging me? part 2

Does my therapist think my trauma isn’t severe enough?

Do I have to tell my therapist specifics about my trauma? part 1

Do I have to tell my therapist specifics about my trauma? part 2

How should I tell my therapist about my trauma?

Can my therapist handle my trauma?

Can I ask my therapist if they have experienced trauma?

How do I tell my parents I have PTSD and need treatment?

Symptoms getting worse before they get better

Is it selfish to talk about trauma in therapy if my symptoms aren’t too bad?

Feeling worthless because I need help part 1

Feeling worthless because I need help part 2


Working in Mental Health

PTSD & working in mental health part 1

PTSD & working in mental health part 2

Working with perpetrators as a therapist

Preventing burn-out


Flight/flight/freeze response

PTSD & the military

Fainting during trauma

So, @witches-ofcolor and I were talking about how we feel (and others) that the natural hair community has pretty much forgotten that type 4 (especially 4c) hair exists. Type 4 people aren’t being as praised and recognized in the natural hair community as we should despite the fact that the natural hair movement was kind of made for us.

Type four girls/boys are the ones who were supposed to be uplifted by the movement and encouraged and people tend to forget we exist.

Even worse, people (even in the natural hair community) act like having type 4 hair especially 4c hair is a bad thing. So many people don’t go natural because they fear they’re gonna have type 4 hair.

So…that said, we think there needs to be a day to appreciate people with type 4 hair. The natural hair community has done such a bad job at it as it is, even natural hair product companies ignore type 4 people, so we need a day to ourselves.

So on July 1st 2017, we are going to be hosting a little event in appreciation for Type 4 hair. It’s simple, if you have type 4 hair, then just post a picture of yourself (or submit to this blog), and we’ll reblog it. The day will be tagged #naturalhair day, so make sure you tag that.

This way, there will be some well needed recognition for type 4 people.

So please, reblog this post, and spread the word. Because Type 4 hair is so underappreciated and I think a day like this will show people just how amazing their hair is.

If you have any questions please ask!

I’ll probably make more promos later on! So follow this blog for updates or just track #naturalhair day, to keep up with updates! Thanks!

So this news about Finn’s injury being horribly painful even after he’s healed really bothers me because this has never been the case before. Luke was obviously in pain after Vader chopped off his arm, but he healed quickly when he got his prosthetic. Luke’s skin didn’t “continue to burn” after it happened, so why is a lightsaber injury suddenly so much worse when it’s Finn who has been injured?

And don’t come at me with “Anakin was in pain all the time as Vader because of his wounds” because Anakin had all of his limbs chopped off and almost burned to death. His injuries were far worse and he should have been in constant pain after surviving that.

So yeah, this bothers me, and the only way I’ll feel better about it is if Kylo experiences the same kind of agony because he was greatly injured by a lightsaber too. If that is not the case, then I’ll be pissed.

People say that if you love someone, you should tell them. Even if you’re scared, even if you think it’ll burn your life to the ground, tell them. Tell them that your bed feels lonely without them. Tell them no matter how busy your day is your mind always somehow ends up thinking about their strawberry stained lips. Tell them you love them before it’s too late because I promise to God that there is nothing worse than spending the rest of your life thinking about the “what ifs” and “could’ve beens”.
—  Excerpt of a book I’ll never write
What if He Freaks? (B. Barnes x Reader)

Word Count: 2386

Warnings: smut, daddy kink.

A/N: I didn’t read this over, please point out any mistakes.

Steve had ushered you, Natasha and Wanda up to your room, telling you to “bond” and “relax” he was literally like the scolding parent. You all agreed that it would be nice to have a girls night and as most sleepovers go, you ended up drunk talking about your love lives and your impossible crushes.

Wanda was going on about Vis and how certain things would work, while you and Natasha were talking about Steve and Bucky, the dynamic duo.

“So, Natasha, if could sleep with either Steve or Bucky, who would you pick?” Natasha had to think, but she ended up picking Steve as you thought she would. Both your heads turned to Wanda, who blushed profusely.

“I’m spoken for.” She said, her light accent slipping towards the end of her sentence. Natasha wasn’t fazed, but you were momentarily shocked.

“I knew you and Vision had suppressed feelings, but you’re together now?!” She laughed and nodded and you smacked her arm.

“Tell me sooner next time, yeah?”

“What about you Y/N?” You had to think.

“Steve.” You answered after much thought.
“I feel like he’d be better. Bucky has been through… too much, he’d be … nervous.” You finished.

There was a pause and then Nat spoke up.
“I feel like Bucky has a Daddy kink.”

You nearly spit out your drink at the thought.

“Now, I really wanna call him Daddy, but what if he freaks out.” You said, recovering.

Both Wanda and Nat were laughing at the idea of the Winter Soldier freaking out over a silly nickname, but it was a serious concern. What if you called him Daddy as a joke and he got mad.

Why should you care? You decided you would do it.

“Alright alright, Y/N, truth or dare?” Wanda asked. You smirked, feeling brave.

“Dare.” The two girl exchanged looks and you knew you’d made a bad decision

“I dare you to ask Steve out.” You sighed in relief.

“Oh that’s not so bad.”

“With Bucky there, and you have to be flirty about it.”

“Well that’s a little bit worse, but I’ll do it.” They both watched you expectantly.
“N-not right now! Guys it’s two am!” You scolded. It was time to sleep, you’d all be nursing light hangovers in the morning, or afternoon, depending on when you woke.

None of you had hangovers as bad as you’d expected, except Wanda, who woke suddenly and rushed to the bathroom. After Wanda cleaned up and took some Advil she looked at you with pleading eyes.

“You should ask Steve out to dinner tonight, it’s Saturday and neither of you have any plans.” You agreed seeing as it was the only way to get the girls to leave you alone.

Your little trio took the lift down to the kitchen and you immediately spotted Steve and Bucky talking. You plastered a flirtatious smile on your face and walked over to the two soldiers.

“Hey Steve, can I talk to you for a moment?”
Both boys glanced at you for a moment before Steve answered.

“Of course Y/N. What’s up?”

“Are you free tonight, I was hoping you’d accompany me to dinner?” The intimidating super soldier was momentarily flustered.

“Y-you mean like a date?” Your smile brightened.

“Yeah, like a date.” He nodded.

“I’d love to. Uhm, I’ll come pick you up at 6?”

“That’s perfect.” You turned to the girls who were pretending not to listen. You sat at the table and they both pryed you for details. You answered all of their questions until eventually, they left you alone. You took the stairs this time, taking your time going back to your room. It was almost six and you needed at LEAST 15 minutes to get ready for your date. You didn’t bother showering, you had done that this morning, but you did put on makeup. You threw on the dress Nat had laid out for you and admired the finished product. You looked stunning.

Steve was on time, as you’d expected. What you didn’t expect was for him to be the perfect gentleman, he even brought you flowers. He held the door to your car after insisting that he drive because he already picked a restaurant.

When you arrived, Steve ran around the car to let you out, against your protests. He even linked your arm with his.

“For someone with no experience with girls, you’re surprisingly good at this.” His face flushed red and he thanked you, obviously pleased that you approved.

The date went smoothly, since you were already friends you discussed missions (wow what a great date topic) and your lives. You honestly had a great time and you were pretty sure Steve did too.
Since you didn’t have an apartment for him to drop you at, he walked you to the door to your room. You both stopped and turned to look at each other.
“I had a great time tonight Y/N, thank you for taking me out.”

“Oh, it’s no problem, I had fun too.”
He looked down at you and stepped forward, taking your hip and pulling youa bit closer, he leaned down and captured your lips in a soft kiss. You kissed back a bit harder, telling him it was okay. When you realized what was happening, you pushed him away.
“I’m sorry Steve, I-I can’t. I have to go.” You hung your head and retreated into your room. You stripped from your dress and put on shorts and a sweater.
You couldn’t sleep, you were tossing and turning, but you felt really bad. You tossed your blankets off and walked to your desk, taking parchment and a pen. You couldn’t just leave Steve hanging, so you wrote him a note.
Hey Steve, I had a great time last night and that kiss was great, but I don’t like you as anything more than a friend. I’m sorry that I lead you on like that and I hope we can stay friends.
From Y/N

You walked the hall, following the familiar path to Steve’s room. You slipped the paper under his door and made your way downstairs, maybe some tea would help you sleep.

You were relieved that no one was in the kitchen, otherwise you’d have to explain what had happened on your date. You grabbed a tea bag out of the box on the counter and put some water in the kettle. As high tech as Tony’s kitchen was, you preferred to do things the old fashioned way.
You were fiddling with the tea bag and almost jumped out of your skin when you looked up. Bucky was standing in the door frame. You cocked your eyebrow at him.

“What are you doing up?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” He said quietly. You moved out of his way so he could grab an apple from the fruit bowl behind you.

“How was your date?” He questioned, eyeing you out of the corner of his eye.

“I don’t know, I had a great time, but I don’t think I like Steve like that. I think I have feelings for someone else” Bucky halted his actions.

“But you kissed him?” Your face flushed red.

“You saw?” His jaw clenched.

“Yeah. You don’t like Steve because you have feelings for someone else, who would that be?” Your eyes widened a fraction and you flushed red, stuttering to find an answer. You couldn’t outright say it was him, that’d be too embarrassing. So instead you stuttered to find and answer.

Bucky smirked and you flushed even harder because it was evident that he knew.

“Oh c'mon, it’s just me, doll, nothing to be nervous about.” He took a step closer and your heart stopped.

“You can tell me.” He said, stepping closer and placing a hand on your waist. You back into the counter, your face was the color of flame and you couldn’t find the words to speak.

The kettle broke into a whistle and the air rushed back to you, you ducked out of Bucky’s constricting grasp and spun to grab your cup. You had your back turned to him, pouring the boiling water over the tea bag, you couldn’t believe how much you were shaking and you nearly dropped the cup when Bucky’s hand was placed over yours to help steady you. You placed the pot back on the stove and leaned on the counter, facing the man with the metal arm.

The smirk he gave you spoke volumes and you tried to smile back.

“I’ll just be going then, back to bed.” He said, turning on his heel. You debated whether or not to call after him, you wanted company, especially if it was his.
“Wait.” You called at his retreating figure.
“Stay.” You said, barely suppressing a whimper.

“Now that’s what I wanted to hear.” He said, his voice deep and gravely. He turned back around and walked towards you, he took the mug gently from your hand, placing it on the table a few feet away.

“Hey! I was drinking that!” I scolded.

“You’re not anymore.” He stated with finality. The dominance in his voice had the heat pooling between your legs and you knew you were done for.

He positioned himself between your legs and brought his hand to your waist, pulling you flush against him. You gasped at the sudden contact, almost loosing your footing. He brought his other hand up to steady you and slowly leaned down. He stopped when his lips brushed yours, asking for permission. You leaned up into him, giving him all the permission he needed. The second your lips touched he trailed his hands down your back until they were resting on the backs of your legs. A sign for you to jump. You did as he asked and he hoisted you up, hooking your legs around his hips. A soft moan escaped your lips when he attached his lips to the sensitive spot on your neck.

“We can’t do this here, sugar, let’s take this to my room.” He suggested. Words failed you, so you nodded, detatching yourself from him and taking his hand instead.

You abandoned your tea and walked hand in hand with Bucky down the corridor in complete silence, you didn’t need words. He was rubbing comforting circles over your knuckles.

He opened his door gently, making sure not to wake the whole tower. You smirked to yourself and slamed the door behind you, pushing him up against the door and capturing his lips with his own.

He gasped at your sudden dominance, grabbing your hips and pulling you flush against him.

He slid his hand up under your sweater and you raised your arms for him. He threw it across the room and then followed it with his own shirt.

He only let you marvel at his body for a moment before he brought himself back to you, picking you up. He carried you to the bed and dropped you, taking a step back to admire you.

“You look so good laying there for me, doll. Take your shorts off.”

You did as you were told, stripping yourself of the constricting garment. He watched your every movement with lust-filled eyes. He dropped his pants in one fluid movement, stepping out of them.
Your eyes dropped to the massive bulge in his pants and you heard him laugh. He straddled your hips, trailing kisses from your neck down.  You tangled your fingers in his hair and pulled his face back you yours, kissing him passionately.

One hand dropped from his hair to his boxers as you palmed him through the fabric, he groaned and you could feel him twitching beneath your touch.

“Fuck doll, you gotta stop” you did as you were told, instead, pulling down his boxers and wrapping your small hand around his cock. He inhaled sharply, tensing under your touch. He pulled your hand away and for a moment you were discouraged.

He laid a chaste kiss on your cheek and whispered in your ear.

“You first.” The bed shifted as he got off, kneeling next to the end. He adjusted you so that your legs were around his neck.

“I like this view.” He added and you blushed at the comment, choosing not to answer. He placed a kiss on your clothed core, causing you to buck your hips upwards. He laughed and removed your panties, placing another kiss, but this time he held your hips in place. He licked his way from your entrance to your clit, nibbling on the bundle of nerves.

His eyes never once left your face, when you moaned his name he stopped, you groaned at the loss of contact and opened your eyes. Bucky had a stern look on his face.
“What’d wrong Buck?’ You questioned.

“That’s not my name tonight. You call me ‘Daddy’, understand?” The combination of his deep voice and the dominance had you shell shocked.

“Y-yes Daddy.” You ignored the embarrassment of him obviously overhearing you and instead enjoyed his praise. He went to work on your chest, massaging your hardened nipples with both hands.

“Do you like that doll?”

“Yes, Daddy, please, more.” You begged.

“Oh don’t worry, I’m not done yet.”

He lined himself up with your entrance and slid himself into you. You gasped, adjusting to his size. He paused a moment, letting you adjust before he pulled out, slamming back into you not a second later. He transitioned between soft and hard, looking for your g spot, when he hit it you moaned his name, loudly.

“Tell Daddy how much you love to feel him slamming into you”

“I love it Daddy, please, harder."  He groaned and slammed into you at an alarming rate, both of you were chasing your high. The sound of your moans and the slapping of skin resonated through the empty room. The bubble that had been building in your stomach popped and you bucked your hips upward, screaming Bucky’s name. Not long after you felt the warmth if his seed on your stomach and his body collapsing next to you. You both sat, catching your breath.

Bucky spoke up in the silence.

"Let’s get you cleaned up, baby girl.”

“Yes, Daddy.”

Tags:

@magellan-88

11 Things Everyone Dealing With BDD Should Say (But Can’t).

1. “I’m sorry that I’m constantly focused on my appearance; I don’t mean to irritate anybody. But I can’t stop.”

2. “When I rant about how shitty I look, it’s not to get sympathy, and it’s definitely not to make anybody else feel worse about themselves. It’s actually just how I see myself, every day - And sometimes I just get sick of it.”

3. “Please don’t tell me it’s all in my head. It doesn’t help.”

4. “Don’t tell me I’m being ‘superficial’, ‘trivial’, or ‘obsessive’. I’m already fully fucking aware - trust me.”

5. “I’m sorry I can’t stop fixating on diets, or surgery, or whatever fucking fix I think I need. Again, I’m fully aware that I’m as obsessive as hell.”

6. “I don’t mean to give off the impression that looks are all that matter. They’re not. I know they’re not, but it feels like they are.”

7. “The only person I’m judging by these insane standards is myself.”

8. “Every time I’m in public, I can tell people are staring at me. I know they might not be, I know they probably couldn’t care less about a random passer-by like me, but I can tell they’re staring at me.”

9. “I hate myself every time I look in the mirror - and not knowing if what I’m seeing is ‘real’, an ‘exaggeration’, or ‘not as bad as I think it is’, only makes me feel worse.”

10. “I’m sorry if you’re feeling fed up with me. I’m pretty damn fed up with me too.”

11. “I don’t want to be perfect. I just want to be more than this.”

First words [One-shot]

THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE YOU READ!

First!

This little one-shot was inspired on two things:

-My relationship with my sister

-The manga “Shugo Chara”. For those who know the manga, it’s based from the chapter when the guardians go to Yaya’s house.

Second!

I tried to adjust Blueprint’s story to PaperJam’s story. So, since (according to his description) he lived with Ink until a certain age, he met Blueprint before the others. I also tried to make him the most canonically possible, but adjusting his personality to the story.

Third!

As you may know, English is not my first language. I deeply apologise if there are any Errors in the story. I checked it lots of times and hope there’s not a single Error ovo

 

DISCLAIMER:

*Ink!Sans belongs to @comyet

*PaperJam/PJ belongs to @7goodangel (I’m sorry if I didn’t make PJ’s personality too well. I tried to stick the “a jerk on the outside but a big child inside” part and this was what I got. Sorry ;u;)

Secondary characters

*Gradient belongs to @askcomboclub

*Moku belongs to  @6agentgg9

*Palette belongs to  @angexci 

And last, but not least

*Blueprint belongs to, well, me! 

Hope you guys like it!

****************

This will be narrated from PaperJam’s perspective.

 

I never was good with new people. And I wasn’t very happy when you came.


One day, Ink just came “home” with a baby, claiming that it was my “new brother”. I didn’t understand what was he saying with that, and then he showed you to me, my new little brother.

I wasn’t happy with this. I didn’t want a brother. I mean, Ink couldn’t even take care of me, why would he want to have another one? To let them here alone and forgotten with me? Wow, good plan, dad. However, he told me that you only would be staying with us for a day so I could get to know you, since bonding with brothers was very important and blah blah blah…

We spend a few hours talking about you and how you came to life. Apparently, you were just an accident, but not a bad one. And since he created you, you were my brother. Well, step-brother, because Blueberry was the other one that created you. I couldn’t help but feel a little bit jealous… you were going to have caring parents and a better life than mine. What if Ink actually forgot entirely about me?

Yeah, the idea of having a brother was becoming less and less “exciting” to me.

But then, just before I started to think more things like that (which I thought was very rare for me), Ink suddenly had to go (I wasn’t surprised, with his work of protecting AUs and all; he barely had time to be here), cutting our conversation just when I actually started to enjoy it. Ink stood from the sofa and was about to open a portal when he realised something important:

Who was going to take care of you?

He told me that Blueberry and… Honey… I think, were with the other versions of them and he couldn’t take you to wherever they were. So, he had only one option… that I didn’t like, at all.


Why I had to take care of you?! I didn’t ask him for a brother and I didn’t know how to take care of a baby. I was five years old! I was starting to learn how to write and read! I remember arguing with him for a while, until I had to accept.

But not without asking something in return, of course.

In the end, he went to do whatever he needed and I was left alone with you. An awkward atmosphere formed where we were, since you found my face very interesting and kept your eyes on me for a really long time. I tried my best to ignore you, but you were too much persisting and even threw me some mini bones at me to gain my attention.

What a smart baby, huh? Well, we were magic skeleton monsters after all. But it was becoming annoying.

“What do you want?” I asked you and you only looked at me and babbled something. I instantly felt stupid, remembering that Ink told me you haven’t said your first word yet. how would you even tell me what you needed? You kept looking at me and then, surprisingly, your stomach made a noise.

Right… now I had to feed you.

Making something for you was horrible. I mean, we were in the Anti-Void and only had some snacks since we didn’t really need to eat, but being you a recently made creation, obviously needed to consume something, even if you had your HP full. Eventually, I found some milk and gave it to you, ending getting milk on my face and shirt because you apparently didn’t know how to drink it.

That was enough for me.

Usually, I’m not a person that gets mad easily. However, I did get mad that time. I stood abruptly from my seat and went to clean my face, leaving you alone on the sofa. Ink told me to not leave you, but I didn’t care. I wanted to be alone and so I did. I went to my bedroom (well, it’s not a real bedroom… just a bed that Ink made for me) and stayed here for a few hours. Maybe three or four…

It wasn’t until I heard a soft sound that I didn’t get up from my bed. And when I did, I instantly paled: You were lying on the floor crying softly. Your soft cries barely reaching my non-existent ears. And it wasn’t the worst. No, no.

You were blushing and sweating a lot. Were you sick? In that moment I didn’t know.

Quickly, I went to your side and picked you up, checking if you had hurt yourself from the fall. Luckily you didn’t have any bruises, but your skull was very hot. Now you were sick? And I was alone.

Great!

How you could get sick so easily and fast? I didn’t understand that at all! Was that the real reason of why Ink brought you here? So he could watch over you while Blueberry and Honey were busy? If that was the reason, he was very irresponsibly by leaving you with me: a child, taking care of another child!

I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t use magic to help you, I couldn’t ask Ink for help, I couldn’t open a portal and find Blueberry… I couldn’t do anything. And I was scared.

What if something happened? What if you started to feel worse? What if…

What if you died?

Those thoughts were swirling in my head, making me fell worst and worst. I didn’t want you to die.

Come on! You had a great life ahead! You would have a caring family and friends and maybe… maybe we would have been friends! I should have watched you. Maybe if I haven’t left you alone…

I couldn’t help to feel guilty, even knowing that it wasn’t my fault that got sick. In that moment, I didn´t cared about anything, just you.

It was in that moment when Ink decided that he should go home, and so he did. He came to the Anti-Void and found me on the sofa, hugging you like it was the last time I’d see you and honestly, that’s what I thought. He rushed to my side, worryingly asking what was wrong. I wasted no time and explained him what happened, apologising for being a bad brother and almost crying

Almost, ok?

What I wasn’t expecting was that Ink just took you and, with a quick spell, healed you. I mean, I knew magic were fast and efficient but, that was just too fast. When I asked him why, he explained that you were having some problems with your soul.

You see, brother (and also you, reader), Ink told me you were created without a soul, since you were just a magic drawing. So, he made an artificial one for you with the same paint he used to create you. Apparently, he didn’t want you to become like some “evil flower”.

Your soul was like your eyes: a blue diamond. And that soul was filled with Prussian blue paint that could give you the emotions you needed. It seemed like your body wasn’t used to having it yet and would make you sick from time to time. I didn’t quite understand that, but I was relieved when he said you would be fine.

The rest of the day was peaceful. Ink and I talked about random things while you slept. It was… nice, being with them like we were a family. That’s what we are, right? Yeah, right.

Eventually it was time to bring you back home. Ink said that you won’t be coming anytime soon because he wanted to protect you from dangerous people (aka, Error). It kind of made me sad, not being able to talk you again for a long time, but… it had to be done, hadn’t it? Ink made a portal back to Underswap and gave me time to say goodbye to you. After that, he started to walk to the portal, stopping when you started to squirm under his grasp.

Curious, I walked to the portal. You immediately looked at me and gave me a huge simile, saying (or trying to say) something that made us look at you in surprise:

My name. Yes, my name!

It was kind of babbled and wasn’t my full name but… It was your very first word. And it wasn’t “dad” or “mom”… no, it was “PJ”

You didn’t have idea of how happy you made me that day. The day when I found you, disliked you and then liked you and accepted the idea that we were brothers. And, in the bottom of my soul, I hoped to see you again.

Maybe having a little brother wouldn’t be that bad, right?

————————————–


I hope you liked it! It was an idea I had for while uvu and really needed to make it. We now know more about Print and PJ’s relationship. I won’t say PJ likes him because he’s not my character and don’t want to say incorrect things (since he isn’t one to make friends). So, I only will say that Blueprint’s first words made him very happy.

I’m sorry if it looks rushed, but this isn’t a story. It just PaperJam talking with Blueprint and telling him the story (with some people spying on them(?))

10 Abusive Men’s conversational tactics every woman should be aware of:

1. Domination of conversation - at any cost

It simply doesn’t matter what it takes - making up a story, repeating the same issue over and over again, increasing the volume of his voice, calling you out on unrelated-unreal issues, taking on a threatening pose to get your attention, getting angry if you don’t carefully listen to what he has to say, throwing a tantrum, accusing you of talking too much, beating down your words, I have even seen abusive men cause fights because they wanted to dominate a conversation with a woman. Last time I tried to talk to a woman, while abusive man was standing next to her, he actually physically dragged her away, just so she wouldn’t be able to get my attention, because I refused to give it to him instead. In their minds, this is reasonable, because they feel we owe them that much, and if we refuse to make them the center of attention, it’s aggression on our part, and any action to beat us down to submission is acceptable and “nothing else should be expected of him”.

2. “What I have to say is important at the moment - every moment.”

You were trying to tell a story? He immediately comes up with a vaguely related story that happened to someone he knew that is somehow suddenly more relevant than what you wanted to say. You were trying to prove a point? He’s going to prove a different point. You have a problem that bothers you? His much smaller problem is bothering him much more, to the point where you have to feel bad for bringing your problem up in the first place. You have an achivement you’re proud of? Wait until you hear what he has done at some point in time that right now feels more relevant to him. In his mind, what you have to say simply doesn’t matter and it’s on him to figure out how to slowly bring that down to you, so you’d finally shut up and accept that his confidence is to be worshipped, yours beaten down.

3. Personal attack

Focus will be on you only if it makes you look bad. If you dared to insist that you’re heard and given a basic bit of attention, or, heavens forbid, said something that goes against his opinions and actions, you will immediately find yourself under a personal attack. You’ll be called out on things that have nothing to do with the subject. You will be deemed unfit to even speak about issues that matter to you. Suddenly, even the issues that you have personal experience and endless statistical data and proof, are not yours to speak of because “he knows better”. You’ll be called slurs, humiliated, discredited, all your knowledge of the subject will be perceived as “silly” and “wrong”, not to mention you’re a horrible person for daring to speak your mind on the subject. The point of personal attack is to make you look bad, but you’re not supposed to notice how it makes him look way worse, you’re supposed to feel rightfully called out and humbled, and fail to notice how your basic human right of speech is being trampled on, how you’re being silenced and hurt by emotional and psychological abuse by a man who found himself threatened by truth you pointed out.

4. Double Standards

“I’m a man” is an excuse not to listen, not to sympathize, not to offer compassion, not to take responsibility for his actions, not to bother with “woman logic”, not to question the consequences of his actions, not to feel guilty for indulging in primarily male behaviour that harms women but is excusable because “all men do it”. “You’re a woman” is an excuse to hold you responsible for men’s actions, and obliged to please men, to maintain your social value and appearance up to certain standards, to fulfill all male expectations and fantasies and ideas about what you should be, otherwise what good you are for? And even if you do all that, you’ll end up reduced to a slur and disposed of whenever it pleases a man to do just that. And don’t be surprised, what did you expect? They’re men.

5. Social Truth

Logic, statistics, experiences, facts, consequences and practical knowledge all have zero value before men’s social perception of what’s going on. Men have already decided that it’s them who’s suffering the worst. They’ve already decided they’re the one who need better treatment and more privileges and liberation from oppression. Men have affirmed this with each other, they’ve agreed amongst themselves that women are oppressive, bother them too much, ask for too much, don’t give them enough, don’t do enough for them. How could women expect for their issues to be taken seriously when men don’t feel like they’ve done enough for them? Men will offer you countless examples where he was expecting something from a woman and she didn’t fulfil it, so how dare she imply she could be the one who’s oppressed? How dare any woman claim anything about her life, her body, her experiences, her problems? Men have already agreed they know better, they feel confident about it because his friends and male relatives and co-workers and bosses and acquaintances will all confirm to him he’s exactly right, he’s telling the truth, how could some miser woman now claim differently? She must be stupid. Truth commonly accepted among men will ignore all evidence, all male privilege, all objective truth, all statistics, all proof. They don’t examine it critically more than “is this going in our favour” and that’s all they need to yell it from rooftops, to violently shut down every woman’s voice claiming differently, speaking from different perspective. They have support. They have backup. Countless men will agree with them. It’s all they need. Truth doesn’t matter.

6. What they don’t consider lying

Nothing is lying. If a lie needs to be told in order for a man to get something out of a woman he otherwise wouldn’t get - it’s considered fair play, in his mind. How could you blame him? After all, if he didn’t lie, he wouldn’t get what he wanted? Isn’t this how all people do things? Isn’t it a way of life? How could you expect him to tell the truth when it wasn’t going in his favour? He won’t even feel guilty. But instead, if you don’t react to his lie the way you should have - in his mind - then you are the bad one. How could you not believe his word, give him your full trust and obedience and perfect reactions he so deeply deserves? How could you even consider that he would lie to you? You don’t know what’s real, you can’t act like he’s lying when you don’t even know if he is. He is excused in saying any lie at all, but you aren’t allowed to doubt it, otherwise how will he get what he wanted and feel completely free of guilt while doing it? You should enable that much to a man, to lie and get away with it, get all he wants, and to feel like a genius for tricking everyone in such a cunning way. Oh, and you shouldn’t feel cheated and lied to because, you know, it wasn’t personal, it was just so he could get what he wants, you weren’t a person to him in this entire scheme, just a prop, you should feel stupid for falling for it, but you know, it’s his win.

7. “I’m reasonable” voice tone

All your passion and emotions that get out of you while you speak that would normally be a proof of how important and valuable talking about this issue is to you, yet he decides to perceive as you obviously spouting nonsense from being too emotional. Does he know you’re telling the truth? Of course he does. Does he know how being invalidated and accused of being “too emotional” and “hysterical” hurts you? Of course he does. Does he care? No. All he wants from you in that moment is to adapt to perspective that benefits him, rather than the one you’re presenting - you know, the one that actually expresses what’s going on and leads to acknowledgment and resolving of your problems. He isn’t interested in you being in less pain or you speaking out the truth, or you struggling less or you bringing to light how much you’re struggling with. Be reasonable. Adapt male perspective. See yourself how men see you. Quit having your own perspective, you know that’s not reasonable. Quit showing emotions about an issue that is of a big personal value to you. Look at me. I’m reasonable. You mean nothing to me. Your struggles mean nothing to me. Be like that. Don’t mean anything to yourself. Be only a benefit to me. Then you too can pretend all your issues are made up. After all your pain means nothing in comparison to benefits we get from it. It’s easy to speak with “I’m reasonable” voice and straight, emotionless face while talking about an issue that doesn’t affect you whatsoever, and you don’t care about the one who is affected, and benefit from what they’re suffering from.

8. “How can you call me out when there’s worse men”

You should be grateful he isn’t worse. He could do worse. He knows he could. He saw other men doing much worse, and thought to himself “damn, I’m nice, this is how things are done when women don’t listen” instead of, you know, intervening and saving someone from abuse like a decent person would do. He saw how cruel men are in other parts of the world. He made sure to remember it and inform women what they could expect from worse men, to remind them to be grateful that he, a nice man, isn’t like that. Now, if you’re going to call anyone out, you should first make sure to call out every guy who is worse, otherwise how is this fair towards him? If a guy who did worse isn’t called out, but he, the “nice” guy is, that is the greatest injustice ever done to mankind, and he will feel hurt and things will be unfair for him. What about you, you ask? What about him hurting you that caused you to call him out in the first place? Oh what’s fair to you doesn’t matter, you are the one who needs to make the world fair for him, or, you know, he might get worse, and it will be entirely your fault, since you didn’t arrange the world to be absolutely and completely fair towards him.

9. “I decide how you should react/your reaction is a provocation.”

Your behaviour is decided by his rules, and every single emotion, thought and action you make should only be made in his convenience. It lies on the premise that only he gets to be a human being and show his emotions freely and react the way he wants, you unfortunately, do not get the human privileges, if you react the humane way - get upset when you’re hurt, get angry when things are unfair and infuriating, point out double standards, argue and demand that your word matters too, want to have your feeling acknowledged or even argue that you have a say in how you should be treated - you’ve overstepped, and suddenly you are all wrong and whatever he does to you in return is what you deserved by provoking him. That’s, right, you being a human being is a provocation, it’s a dangerous straying from the object you’re supposed to be - that you are in his eyes, and you have to be “shown your place”, because after all, his convenience is more important than your life, and you’re only there to obey him and make him feel good about himself. Even while he’s hurting you. Even while he’s using you. Even while you’re reduced to a less than a human being.  

10. “You haven’t considered this issue from my perspective enough”

After all, you should look at things from his perspective. But you do. There’s never been a moment you didn’t consider his perspective. Just as there’s never been a moment he has considered yours. And the mere idea of taking a moment to consider your perspective - if he’s even aware that you can have one, and that your words aren’t just there to be crushed until he gets his way - is offensive and crazy to him. Instead, you get called out for not seeing things his way enough. As if you’re the one who is inconsiderate and refusing to acknowledge that he is just a human and that you can’t expect that much from him. But you’ve never forgotten that he’s a human. And you never expected that much, just to not be continually hurt and used by him, and to be treated like a valued human being. But suddenly this is too much? Too much to expect from a fellow human being? Isn’t it a lot like he’s forgotten you’re a human being, and calling you out on something that he actually did? Cruel hypocrisy that he doesn’t even seem to notice because it’s so natural and normal to him to call you out for his own wrongdoings, and to attack you if you’re not willing to obediently take blame.

@women: If a man is talking in this fashion he will get worse, not better. Ditch him at any cost.

@men: this was a list of abusive behaviour, if you don’t do any of these, there’s no reason for you to feel called out, if you do feel called out, I have bad news for you.

Real quick: there is nothing wrong or gross or even unusual about having sexual urges related to sexual attraction, nothing wrong with seeing strangers as sexually attractive without knowing anything about them, nothing even wrong with having sex for its own sake and not for the purpose of connecting with a partner. I think it is easy to combat both “All non-asexuals have the same relationship to sex” and “All LGBT people are sex crazed” with a weird watering down of sexual attraction between us, and watering down of our sexual desires, or with a tendency to say we don’t all have the same relationship to sexuality but ours are somehow magical and clean. But our sexualities aren’t gross and don’t need cleaning up- even being strongly sexually attracted to strangers is fine and okay and very healthy, and not objectifying. To buy those terms of conversation is to buy homophobic goalposts, and to combat a universalizing understanding of LGBT people’s sexualities with yet another, more politically comfortable, but equally universalizing model of LGBT people sexualities.

“Objectification” is meant to be used in as literal a sense as possible, to refer not to sexual attraction to women but an inability to see them as people. I think it’s hard for a lot of women to wrap their heads around the fact that this is a common feature of men’s sexualities because it’s hard for them to understand that many men literally do not see women as more than a hole for them to fuck. But just wanting to have sex with women (and other men, in the case of gay and bi men, or generally, in the case of trans people) is not gross, even random women, even women with whom you have prior emotional connection. I know objectification- I know how men talk about women when they are trying to form masculine bonds with me, and worse I know how men talk about women when they think I am also a man and there are no women around, and it’s not JUST “She’s hot and I don’t know her name.”

We should be careful not to lapse into, “Well everyone is demisexual” as an argument because I guarantee that is not the case. I love fucking women, I love respectful and occurring hookups, I love casual sex with no romantic strings attached outside of general emotional support, I’ve had fulfilling and fun sex with friends I had no romantic feelings for. None of that is bad. But to make the claim that most people don’t enjoy sex or feel attraction to other people sexually without knowing things about them is 1) straight up false and 2) needlessly stigmatizing.

Imagine...Running Into Dean’s Ex

Originally posted by hallowedbecastiel

Request: Could I request a dean fic where he and the reader have an established relationship and run into an ex of deans on a hunt, like either Lisa or Cassie, and the reader gets really insecure about their relationship afterwards.

Pairing: Dean x reader


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A Letter from You

AN: @whitechocolateperfection Thanks Emily for requesting and advising as always :) and @teen-mendes you know why 


Originally posted by anthony-samaniego

It’s laying under the flower pot at your front doorstep. There’s a small rock set on the opposite corner, like the pot isn’t heavy enough to keep it down.

Leaning over, you take it from its hiding space, realizing it’s a letter. Your name is written across the white in black ink. The handwriting is familiar. Something you’ve seen in journals and lyrics written quickly on newspaper or paper towels when his phone was too far away. You found parchment in your purse from the small train you took in Amsterdam. The song turned into roses. Who knew one lyrical line would’ve turned into your favorite song.

When the door is unlocked and your bag and keys are on the hook, you take a seat by the window. Your cat is curled up at your feet, stirring in her sleep.

The envelope is sealed, but you don’t go to open it as quickly as you should. The lip feels heavy, straining your shoulders. The breakup is still fresh, too fresh to read his letter. Maybe he wants to get back together.. maybe he’s about to show up with a bouquet of tulips and a single white rose- the only way you’ll accept flowers. Maybe it’s actually from Aaliyah, or an old friend from college. It was your birthday just last month. It could be a forgotten gift and the writer was too embarrassed to give it to you, face to face.

“What am I waiting for?” You ask yourself, knowing the longer you wait the worse the pain in your chest will feel. The words he spoke will never leave. They’re tattooed in your mind..anyone else would’ve found it beautiful, poetic. For you? It was tragic.

‘Y/N,

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Mirror For The Sun - Part 9: Las Vegas

Masterlist  -  Series Masterlist  -  Part 8  -  Part 10

Summary: (Bucky POV) Nat tricks you into leading a road trip with Bucky, Sam and Steve. Her plot is partly to get the boys to travel for fun for once but mostly to get you and Bucky together. You and Bucky, who seemingly despise each other.

Warnings: swearing, shameless twisting of canon to suit my lazy writing needs

Word Count: 4335

Author’s Note: Ok I don’t know how I feel about this part but this is the second rewrite and I just… here it is.

Originally posted by caps-bucky

After days crammed in the car and a night sleeping in the woods, this enormous suite in this luxury hotel feels excessive. Nat seemed to blend right in, a smug grin painting her face, not a hair out of place, a sleek dress to match the sleek tables and bright furniture. She’s the exact opposite of her friend, linked arm in arm with her, hair a soft tangle, still in that hoodie whose campfire smell lingers every time she moves. Just thinking about the smell of it reminds me of the morning but I shake the thought from my head, there are enough distractions here.

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217. “H-How long have you been standing there?”

You stood in your closet with your hands on your hips desperately trying to figure out what to wear. It amazed you at how you had a closet full of clothes but yet you couldn’t decide on anything.

The nerves that you had building up was probably the thing hindering you the most from getting ready. You were supposed to go on a coffee date with a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent that you met through Tony. It was casual but you still felt a little iffy about it all. It had been a while since you had been on a date.

You reluctantly had Stark set you up with a guy he thought would click with you. He told you some stuff about him and he seemed like he was a nice enough guy.

Part of you just wanted to get it over with.

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