The Reds, the Blues, and the Freelancers: Playing Overwatch
Sarge: A Soldier 76 main who’s shockingly good with his biotic field. (He’s won gold on healing with a Mercy on his team before, and he’ll never stop being smug about it.) Has recorded every single play of the game he’s ever had and has uploaded them to Youtube. If asked to switch to healer, he will switch to Reinhardt. This makes sense to no one but him. He might die knocking Wash off the cliff, but it’s worth it every time.
Simmons: Used to be a Torbjorn main (a really good one too) but people were rude to him about it, so now he plays as D.va and likes it. Occasionally gets emotional about Genji (CYBORGS) and will play as him but he’s awful at it and so generally just keeps playing D.va. He’s actually really dangerous even outside of the mecha. Occasionally he accidentally turns voice chat on and it’s just endless screaming.
Donut: Plays as Tracer and is a menace to society as her. He’s really hard to kill. Wash is the only one who ever can catch him, so Donut will always put his pulse bomb on Wash, even if there are better targets available. Has really great aim and can do a hell of a lot of damage. Has the absolute best skins for every single character, even the ones he never plays as.
Grif: Zenyatta main since day 1, has played basically no other character since. (HE DOESN’T HAVE TO WALK). Killed Tucker just by kicking one time and is still proud of it. He seems pretty chill but he still will discord your ass into eternity. Actually streams all of his stuff and is pretty popular in certain circles because of his biting commentary, which includes speculation about everyone on the other team’s lives and lots of insults about the Blues.
Lopez: Reaper main. Tries to play on different servers than everyone else to avoid being sucked into their shenanigans. They always find him. Takes way too much joy dropping from out of nowhere on the Blues and Death Blossoming. Calls everyone names over voicechat in Spanish, no one ever reports him because they never realize what he’s doing.
+ Carolina bc she’s totally a Red
Carolina: Started out as a Soldier 76 main, because she finds his mechanics rather straightforward and likes the biotic field and sprint function. On a whim tries out Lucio, and falls right in love. SPEED BOOST. She’s super good at wall-riding, like to memetic levels, her streams are ridiculously popular. She’s also the least-chill support player you’ve ever played with, even on quick-play. She’s always exactly one rank below Tex. It drives her nuts.
Tex: A pretty versatile attack main, although she does love playing as Zarya, and will switch if they need a tank. She likes playing as Pharrah (that’s who she plays as normally bc she loves the rocket launcher and flying is fun), Sombra (INVISIBILITY. She’s not actually all that good as Sombra though), and Reaper (what no she doesn’t relate to him being brought back to life against his will what are you talking about stop looking at her like that.) The chill-est attack main you’ve ever met on competitive, especially given how high ranked she is. Until someone kills her mid-ult for the third time in a row then it’s “okay you guys guard the payload I NEED TO TAKE HIM DOWN!” (“Tex, you should switch if you’re going to do that.” “NO TIME!”)
Wash: Can and will play just about every character under the sun. But when he gets to choose, he’s an amazing McCree. Sends the Reds all scrambling for cover whenever he Ults. Once played Widowmaker for three months straight to stop Church from being able to pick her, at Tucker’s request. Uses the “group up” and “attack the objective” buttons a bit too much. Actually tries to strategize over the voice chat. Doesn’t realize that they’ve muted him until halfway through the game.
Tucker: Loves playing as Lucio. Doesn’t wall-ride as much as Carolina, but he’s a better healer than her. Will emote in the middle of combat, which makes Wash scream. Has Lucio’s “why are you so angry?” voice line and spams it whenever Church does anything.
Church: The worst Widowmaker ever. Of all time. After Tucker gets Wash to be Widowmaker for a few months, Church learns to play as Junkrat. And then gets really good at it. (No aiming! Causing people to scream whenever he ults! A vague mad-scientist vibe!) That’s about when Blue Team starts winning matches.
Caboose: Picks according to who’s his favorite that day. He’s usually a Bastion, a Winston, a Tracer, or a Zenyatta. He’s terrifyingly good at all of them. He always says “hello” to the other team. Always spams the both team chat with smilie faces and encouragement.
Kai: Plays as Mei. Only traps them in the spawn room when Church pisses her off, which is at least once a day. Will always go after Grif first and foremost, which has led to some bumpy games and Wash yelling at her but then she lays down a blizzard at just the right moment and they win because of it and Wash can’t say anything else.
his character of choice, but he’ll really play any of the supports if they need
a healer. Tends to pick which one he plays as depending on his team. (He and
Tex are a good Mercy/Pharah combo.) Whenever he plays as Ana he makes terrible
eye puns, which is annoying bc he’s not that good of an Ana at that. Someone
North: He’s a Hanzo player and at first he’s really good to have on your team. Then you realize he never will be somewhere you can heal him, but he’s still spamming the “need healing” button. Then you realize that he’s way more concerned with getting play of the game than actually winning. Eventually you start to hate him. But he always says “GG” at the end of the game.
South: Genji main. Huge fan of “one-player mode”. Does not know what the payload looks like. Is really good at sneaking up to the point and murdering everyone on it though. Does not understand the concept of staying near the healer either, but at least is usually a good sport about not spamming the heal button.
Maine: Plays as Roadhog, which everyone expected, but will switch to Mercy if they need a healer. He’s a badass Mercy. He’s gotten a team-kill as Mercy before. Communicates with his team only in emoticons on the chat.
Connie: Actively refused to play until Sombra was introduced, is a terrifying Sombra main now. All the health packs are hers. You literally never know what she is. You think you got away with low health but BAM she’s found you and you are dead. She coordinates her EMP with Tex’s ults perfectly. She has every single Sombra skin and she’s proud of it.
Wyoming: The Widowmaker dreams are made of. He goes to his healers. He always gets his shot. His venom-traps are perfectly placed. Yes he tells god-awful jokes over voice chat and occasionally laughs way too much when he head-shots that Pharah mid barrage for the third time that game but you know what you’re glad to have him on your team. Will also play Ana if a healer is needed.
Florida: Officially, he doesn’t play. Unofficially, they’re pretty sure that the enemy Mercy who always shows up to do a full team res when they’re just about to win is him.