so did i ever tell you guys the story of how a reylo attacked me?
it was a beautiful summer evening, i was on my way home from my local market when this 40 year old got on the bus with her 3 kids and sat down next to me.
i noticed her staring at my “finn is the male lead fuck kylo ren” shirt.
suddenly she started yelling “are you a fucking anti?”. the whole bus was looking at us. “yeah” i replied. that’s when she started kicking and hitting me but then all of her kids said “mom…reylo is a shitty abusive ship that doesn’t make any sense whatsoever and you should probably delete your tumblr and stop arguing with teenagers online.” she broke down in tears.
i almost felt bad for her but then john boyega showed up, bought me a sandwich and told me he loves antis. anyways, later that night daisy ridley rawed me in a denny’s parking lot and everyone clapped.
the thing about Bakugou is that, in the limits that his personality allows, he’s soft for Kirishima - he calls him by name, listens to him and always answers him, tries to help him out as best as he can, accepts his help when Kirishima offers it, actively works to make him feel better when he’s down, never yells at him unless it’s an answer to Kirishima’s teasing, has no problems in complimenting him and pointing out his strength, he’s soft for Kirishima
he openly considers him a friend and treats him as such, he cares and doesn’t really try to hide it, though his inexperience in showing that sort of feelings does make him come off as awkward now and again
I guess what I mean to say is it’d be nice if the fandom could remember that, instead of writing him as angry and prickly and downright offensive and uncaring when dealing with what has been recognized by the canon as his best friend and someone he does enjoy the company of over and over again
Presumably, if adult humans are weird, then human kids must be weird as well. But of course, since aliens probably wouldn’t interact with human children too much, there might not be much about them in the human guide.
Imagine a human leaving her kid with an alien friend because her SO is sick and none of her human crewmates are able to act as babysitter and she’s got an important meeting. So she goes to the meeting and the alien takes her kid to one of the rooms in the ship that acts as a sort of play area.
Then, when the human comes out of the meeting, she picks her phone up and sees that she has some missed calls…
1st call: “Hey, Katie, it’s me, Grit. I know you’re probably in the meeting by now and can’t answer your phone, but I was just wondering… Jackie’s been chasing the other kids a lot, is she hunting them? Is that part of the whole predatory instincts thing? They all seem to be having fun— at least I think so, they’re all making that weird noise you guys make— but I just thought I’d let you know. And, um, listen… she’s not going to try and eat the ones she catches, is she?”
2nd call: “Hi, Katie, Grit again— look, I know that you guys are descended from tree climbing mammals and so your offspring need climbing equipment to satisfy those instincts— but there’s no way she’s supposed to be that high, right? None of the other parents are doing anything and I can’t go up and get her down because my hooves can’t get a grip on the frame. She’s right on top and— NO!<incomprehensible noises that sound like a cross between the moo of a cow and the bray of a donkey>— okay, so she’s swinging from the bars. One of the other humans just explained that that’s normal. He’s offered me some coffee, but I said no because I’m pretty sure that stuff’s toxic. I’ll try not to call again unless there is an emergency.”
3rd call: “I’m so sorry, Jackie’s been injured. She tripped over and seems to have lost a layer of skin from her knee. She’s making these noises and there’s liquid coming from her eye sockets and I don’t know what to do! Please pick up! There’s blood and the coffee offering human keeps saying she should suck the blood out or something. Is that a thing? Does your species’ saliva have healing properties? Shoud I call a medic?! Please pick up!”
4th call: “Sorry for that last message. Jackie seems to be doing fine now. I don’t know how— she should be laid out for weeks after an injury like that! Please, for my sanity, can you get a human babysitter next time?”
I don’t know if I’m too late jumping on this fad, or if it’s already been said.
Imagine our Earth viruses being like, super strains of alien viruses.
Like, you’re on a ship with a bunch of aliens. They’ve just picked you up from Earth, and you have a cold. It’s the common cold, nothing more. You know to drink lots of fluids, and to keep your fever down.
But to them, the moment you start your snot waterfall, they began asking what you want for your funeral. They start getting your pier set up to send you off like Guardians of the Galaxy 2. And the whole time you’re like - “guys, it’s just a cold.”
But the big one from Omega 3 that you don’t know too well is like, “My whole village got that! Only ten survived!”
They look at you like you’re strange when all you say is, “Well, if everyone who caught the common cold died - I’m pretty sure the human race would be extinct by now.”
Then, when you walk away, they glance at each other. “They’re in denial, aren’t they?”
Then imagine their surprise when, like a week later, you’re fine as can be. They tuck away the pier, just in case, in a storage haul. And all they can think is that humans are some kind of super being.
my literal favorite character trait abt lance is how emotionally intelligent and perceptive he is? like,, its something that i don’t often see explored in fics and whatnot, but its one of the most important aspects of his character that allows him to be so quick on his feet when the moment calls for it. like:
despite having not spent much time with her in the beginning, he was able to deduce that pidge harbored some strong feelings about the garrison’s talk of the kerberos mission, and made the decision to take the brunt of iverson’s anger for her when she confronted him
when he was overcome with homesickness, he left the party so as not to bring down the mood, and was able to deduce within seconds that the rover copy was fake because it wasn’t with pidge
he was able to make quick judgements about the honesty of the mermaid queen when it was revealed that she and her people were being controlled the whole time
he knows how wary allura is of the galra & that it took a lot for her to trust shiro and go to the blade of marmora, and when the red lion started attacking the base, he expressed concern for her
you could even argue that, even though it was under the guise of flirting, lance stayed with allura on the ship in episode 3 because he was well aware of her lack of trust in ulaz
basically, lance’s emotional understanding of both himself and others is a really important and beautiful aspect of his character, and i wish more people explored this trait in fanon.
Fanon Homestuck characters i experienced in fics over the years because i Love being in Pain: Beta kid Edition
JOHN: blank slate?? John “Can Be Whoever U Want” Egbert. sleeps with a nic cage bodypillow…..
uses :B a lot? Hello Naughty Children Its Nonstop Mean Pranks Time i hope u like ur hair dyed pink and half shaved
JADE: infomercial voice: Ever Needed an unnecessary antagonist to ur Dave x (character/reader insert) ship but didnt want to create a whole new character? Try Jade Harley for the low low price of $stop
ROSE: summons the power of every lovecraftian monstrosity to empower her ability to be ur wing-man in the up and coming ship of the fic. at exactly 12 midnight EST on a blue moon, during the Lost 29th Day of February, she may mention the tales of a wandering cryptid by the name of Kanaya then u will unlock her quest chain to later unlock this vampire to be a new playable character and gain an achievement
DAVE: 2 ¾ cups of all purpose Personality. 1 teaspoon of irony. ½ cup of apple juice. 2 eggs. 2 cups of white sugar. 1 ¼ cups of All I Do Is DJ. Then pour into a blender and sprinkle in 4 pounds of Popular Highschool Boy Tropes, force the lid closed, turn it on and pray
ARE YOU STILL SCREAMING ABOUT THOR: RAGNAROK? BECAUSE I’M STILL SCREAMING ABOUT IT. I need so much slice-of-life on the ship fic, I need so much kissing-and-more resolution to the hug scene, I need so much speculation on what happens when they get to where they’re going, I need so much about the various friendships forming, I need so much fic about a whole bunch of people crammed into a relatively small ship for months and the hilarious and awful things that happen because of it. AND FANDOM IS DEFINITELY ON A ROLL WITH IT, THERE’S MORE GREAT STUFF. (Part one is here!)
THOR: RAGNAROK FIC RECS: ✦ The Breath Between Regrets by Vera (Vera_DragonMuse), thor/loki & valkyrie & heimdall & hulk & korg, ragnarok spoilers, 9.5k The journey to Midgard should take a year and a day. Long enough for many things. ✦ What the Thunder Said by kyrilu, thor/loki, ragnarok spoilers, ~1k Days after the battle, Thor’s skin is still sparking lightning. ✦ the silver forked sky by powerfulsound, thor/loki, ragnarok spoilers, nsfw, 1.2k There is a storm, sparking under Thor’s skin. Attracted to it, a magpie to shiny things, Loki is helpless in Thor’s wake. ✦ Reunion by riventhorn, thor/loki, nsfw, ragnarok spoilers, 1.3k After so long apart, Loki can’t help being drawn to Thor. ✦ Privilege to love by will_thewisp, thor/loki, NSFW, ragnarok spoilers, 2.6k He didn’t know why Loki felt the need to fight him on every ground, to hide things that had no business being hidden, but he was determined to meet him on every occasion. To Thor it seemed that Loki fought with himself as much as with Thor. ✦ followed you down by homovikings, thor/loki & heimdall & valkyrie & tony & sif & cast, ragnarok spoilers, 5.3k It’s Asgard but it isn’t. ✦ drowning on your shore by psikeval, thor/loki, ragnarok spoilers, 1.3k Loki, entirely solid, does not flicker and does not flinch. ✦ In my Arms by wetdandelions, thor/loki, NSFW, ragnarok spoilers, 1.2k “I’m here,” says Loki. Set after the end of Thor: Ragnarok. PWP. SPOILERS. ✦ In the Flesh by hjbender, thor/loki, NSFW, ragnarok spoilers, intersex!loki, 6.3k Loki stares back, gives the stopper a gentle toss. It sparkles briefly in the air before he catches it again. “There isn’t anything else you’d like to give me? Nothing you’d like to say? Because”—he spreads his arms and smiles invitingly, both hands suddenly empty—“here I am.” ✦ Nowhere Is Home Unless We’re Both In the Same Place by Velocity_Owl87, thor/loki, ragnarok spoilers, 1.3k After the dust has settled, Thor realizes the implications of Kingship and Asgard’s future mean for him as the new King of Asgard. Thankfully, he doesn’t have to grapple with the situation alone, at least. ✦ Heroes Run Towards Their Problems by Naiveandoptimistic, thor & loki & valkyrie & hulk & korg & cast, ragnarok spoilers, 1.6k Post-Ragnarok. Valkyrie is a drunken hot mess. Loki conceals, Hulk worries, and Thor gives some wisdom. ✦ Not an Illusion by janto321 (FaceofMer), thor/loki, NSFW, ragnarok spoilers, ~1k Loki and Thor find comfort in one another ✦ black sheep and mischief by grim_lupine, thor & loki, ragnarok spoilers, 3.2k A bird alights on Thor’s shoulder and pecks his cheek twice, hard enough to make him wince. “What are you doing?” it warbles in his ear. “Wondering what my brother is doing up at this hour, little bird,” Thor replies. “Will you go ask him for me?” ✦ Never Doubt That I Love You by ValkyrieShepard, thor/loki & heimdall & valkyrie & hulk & cast, NSFW, ragnarok spoilers, 10.6k After Thor’s proposal, Loki pulls away. As Thor is busy trying to rule his people, Loki finds him again, and the two of them scout a possible planet for their people where Thor tries to get through his brother’s walls. There is much Loki has to work through. ✦ after you, i dont know what i believe in by CallicoKitten, thor/loki & valkyrie & bruce & heimdall & cast, ragnarok spoilers, 9.6k aka, the long road to midgard ✦ Crossroads by kyrilu, loki & heimdall, ragnarok spoilers, ~1k As Loki leaves Sakaar with a shipload of former prisoners, Heimdall decides to ‘visit.’ ✦ victory runes by spookykingdomstarlight, thor/loki, ragnarok spoilers, 3.3k A snake couldn’t change its colors, try as he might, trust his own intentions as he wanted to. At this moment, legs braced on either side of Thor’s lap, he couldn’t imagine doing anything to undermine Thor’s rule, his wants, his needs. But tomorrow was another day and Loki’s whims were mercurial.
People always seem to just run with the idea that “all interpretations are true”, but forget the corollary that “all interpretations are true so long as they’re rational and you can derive it from evidence in the text”. And by this, I mean that there’s a limit to fan interpretations/theories/headcanons that you can come up with before it sounds like you’re talking about a whole different work entirely.
Yes hello, it is I, here to make a lengthier post about something I’ve been complaining over nonstop on Twitter!
So, Lefou is gay, and while I like Gaston/Lefou and always have, because look at my other ships, of course I do, I admit it’s not great. BUT, in the rush to score reblogs and retweets, a lot of criticism is ignoring something pretty important:
The man who said these things, Bill Condon (the director of the movie), is openly gay. He has a longterm partner and everything. He’s not Generic Straight Man talking about the gays. He is gay himself. Nearly all the posts I’ve seen about this issue make no mention of this fact, and a whole lot of them outright say things like, “This is the straightest thing I’ve ever read” or “ugh, heteros go home”.
Guess what: if you’re getting straight vibes from his interview, your gaydar’s malfunctioning just a bit, there. Making Lefou the only gay character in the movie is not an ideal situation, but the context of a gay man making that creative decision and talking about it to the press is very, very different from the narrative that’s being presented by all these hugely popular tumblr posts. So, you know, if we could criticize this in a way that doesn’t prioritize a fictional candlestick over an actual real-life gay man, that would be great.
“I hit that guy so hard he was impressed with my skill and asked if I needed his services”
“One second everything was fine, and then that GTA fan ran off with my precious baby and some guy’s gun. Please, Corso, he won’t hurt your blaster. At least, a blaster can’t be crashed, but a ship can. I’m so nervous”
“I came here to complete my training, but instead I got into some high school drama, and we’re trying to find out who’s the most popular sith in the Academy. Hey, Vette, I have your vote, right?”
“My whole life has been some hell, but it’s about to change now that I have this big bloodthirsty, grumpy and constantly nostalgic scary guy who eats people. My very first friend”
“Oh yeah, I’m that famous pirate. I do a lot of… pirating… stuff. Oh, you think I’m an impostor? Well, maybe that’s the Red Blade YOU have met was an impostor! I bet he’s jealous I’m prettier than him”
“I left for FIVE minutes, and now everyone is dead because of some dude who has no taste in make-up whatsoever, and the big worm gave the token to some lizard instead of me, what are the odds?”
I don’t know what suddenly happened again but there’s a
shitton of hate for Victuuri/Viktuuri(/etc) in the tags lately. People are
welcome to feel however they want for a particular ship, but I just wanted to
give my two cents by tackling the common complaints I’ve seen. I’ll start from
the beginning so I’ll be addressing basically all the arguments against this
ship I’ve seen so far.
I’ve tried to maintain some sort of order for these, but honestly I just winged it at some point. A lot of these arguments are also heavily
character-based, so keep in mind that I’ll be deconstructing several scenes as
well as character motivations as I go. (As a note, this
assumes you’ve seen the whole show. Also, I’m only using canon evidence from
the show itself.)
This is like an informal follow-up to my super old post but also not really.
No I’m not avoiding work why would you say that.
WARNING: This is a massive post/wall of text. Grab popcorn.
Motorcity is a cartoon that was running on Disney XD for a while, before Disney mis-managed the crap out of it, then cancelled it and sat on the rights and didn’t do anything with them, like a bunch of jerks. It’s available on iTunes, and it’s also on kimcartoon (altho there’s an audio error in those. I’m thinking about uploading my corrected copies somewhere so people can get them?? stay tuned)
ANYWAY. In the Far Future, a guy called Abraham Kane (AKA Mark Hamill AKA Luke Skywalker AKA The Joker) decided he didn’t like Detroit and he wanted a new city there instead. So he built his new city over top of Detroit, called it Detroit Deluxe. Deluxe is run by Kane Co. which is run by Abraham Kane.
(((^^^ The difference between a villain and a supervillain??? PRESENTATION.)))
So now that the whole stupid “human rights” thing is out of the way upstairs, his only remaining problem is the people who would rather live under the city, in old Detroit AKA “Motorcity”. Kane’s like “well, time to destroy this dump and build More Deluxe! :)” and Motorcity is like “hey fuck u we literally live here” and Kane’s like “I don’t know I can’t read all of a sudden”.
Our main characters have chosen to combat his drones, nano-viruses and private army with COLORFUL AND ECLECTIC CARS. Our main is an ex-commander from the aforementioned private army, his name is Mike Chilton and I love him. He’s good at basically everything, and you would think that would make him obnoxious but actually he’s a reckless, adorable puppy-dog mom friend who likes helping and driving too fast and diving off buildings and believing in people. He’s also canonically mixed-race, so that’s kinda neat.
He’s a Good Boy.
(And yes, the people who did the character design were also involved in Gorillaz, personally I like the aesthetic of Motorcity way better but they are similar in a lot of places)
it got cancelled, so there are only 20 episodes. And it does take an episode or two for it to get its feet under it.
YMMV, but I would say the first episode I really really liked was episode 5. (And not just b/c the Duke of Detroit is a fukkin gift, holy crap)
not enough ladies, and also they fall back on that thing that’s like “nerdy guy likes the Cute Girl, doesn’t take a hint” and it’s really annoying tbh. Both characters involved deserved better.
Rule of Cool. This show makes 0 sense sometimes, you gotta lean into that to enjoy it tbh. It is a silly, silly show (until the finale, then it fukkin destroys me every time)
Gorgeous, colorful backgrounds and character designs, super-unique style, #aesthetic for days.
a really fun, varied cast.
VILLAINS, the villains are so good. Mark Hamill’s villain voice-acting is second to none. A bizarrely flamboyant rock-star mob boss played by the lead singer of Twisted Sister, who is the embodiment of Chaotic Evil. A disillusioned eco-terrorist with fascinating bio-weapons and a ruthless/single-minded obsession with doing the same thing to Deluxe that Kane wants to do to Motorcity.
If you don’t mind some silliness/Rule of Cool, the episode plots are fun and I enjoy them. :)
Mike’s best friend is really anxious and scared of a lot of stuff and they’re adorably comfortable with each other and they have special nicknames for each other I’m sorry I have a lot of feelings about these nerds. (can u tell what splickedy’s ship is lol)
There’s a lot of room for character interpretation and backstory and stuff, and a lot of implied worldbuilding that’s super fun to build on.
the creators are/were really cool with fandom, altho they’re busy with other shows now. (the head writer retweeted one of my videos!! :D :D :D I’m still super jazzed)
in conclusion it’s cute I love it and I love the characters.
This has probably been mentioned already, but I have to get this off my chest
So Star Trek:Into Darkness was a great film - in fact, I loved all three movies. But one little thing that always bugged me was how much Bones was downplayed. I particularly have a lot of feelings for this scene:
Now, there is truth to that - Spock did capture Khan, whose blood was used to generate the life-saving serum. Spock risked his own life to capture a dangerous, near-invincible psychopath for Kirk (even though his initial intention was to kill Khan out of revenge and had to be begged by Uhura to spare his life). So I’m not going to deny the importance of Spock’s role in Jim’s revival (I love Spock, love his friendship with Kirk, not knocking that one bit). But tell me, was it Spock who:
- injected some of Khan’s blood into a dead tribble out of scientific curiosity, to study its incredible regenerative powers?
- discovered that the Tribble had been brought back to life, thus realising that Khan’s blood could be used to bring back Kirk?
- had the quick thinking to cryogenically freeze Kirk’s body in order to prevent his organs decomposing to a point that would be beyond saving?
- took Khan’s blood - breaking countless ethical guidelines in the process - and dedicated his time to generating a serum (surely that must have taken days, if not weeks, to generate a successful serum that could be safely used to medicate a human)?
- carefully nursed Kirk back to health?
Nope, all Bones. Now, I don’t have proof as to what happened during the two weeks Kirk was in a coma, but do you honestly think that this man:
… just carried on as normal? Or do you think he never left Jim’s bedside unless he was physically dragged away by other crew members so that he could eat/sleep before collapsing? Of course, Bones being Bones, he’s very flippant when his part in rescuing Jim is ignored:
… even mentioning Uhura’s part in it, because he won’t take all the credit, he acknowledges all who helped. Because he doesn’t care about recognition or thanks when it comes to Jim - he just wants to keep his best friend ALIVE. But why oh why couldn’t we just get a little acknowledgement from someone else about how Doctor Leonard Horatio “Badass” McCoy literally CHEATED DEATH and brought a dead man back to life as though it was just a normal part of a medic’s life?! The fact that he broke several medical ethics laws, thus risking his whole career, just to give the ship her captain back? WHY DOES NO ONE SEEM TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS?! And don’t get me started on the fact that he didn’t even get to say goodbye and the first time he sees Jim after the warp core incident is when he is lying in a freaking body bag on one of the biobeds.
my ultimate sheith playlist (equal parts tender and emo)
the postal service - such great heights // fall out boy - sugar, we’re going down // the boxer rebellion - if you run // run river north - shiver (cover) // shawn mendes - never be alone // vance joy - fire and the flood // little green cars - the john wayne // ruelle - war of hearts // the cab - intoxicated // dashboard confessional - hands down // no doubt - running // run river north - somewhere // gavin degraw - belief // bon iver - skinny love // howie day - collide // of monsters and men - king and lionheart // snow patrol - set the fire to the third bar // coldplay - in my place // the fray - look after you // relient k - must have done something right // bleachers - i wanna get better // the all-american rejects - there’s a place // daft punk - something about us // angels & airwaves - saturday love // brandon flowers - crossfire // keane - somewhere only we know // rudimental - lay it all on me (feat. ed sheeran) // utada hikaru - hikari // coldplay - violet hill // run river north - seven
i think a lot about magnus infodumping about the law to rodimus
especially in rodimags terms
mags is just comfortable enough with rodi that he actually talks a lot about his interest in the law, and just tells rodi everything he knows
rodi listens to everything mags has to say because that’s his mcfucking boyfriend, and mags has this light in his eye whenever he gets to talk about his interest and is just so excited to share what he knows
it’s during these times when rodi realizes he’s in love and couldn’t be happier
what your fav homestuck character in 2017 says about you: The Kids
you just love this soft windy boy!! you super dig his aesthetics of blue and wind and flying and oh look you just drew a picture of him kissin some boys. "a pure, splendid boy indeed", you note as you draw john slam dunking dirk into a trash can as a prank
you are gay. you understand the true nature of rose as NOT a prim and proper lady but a pretentious messy goth lesbian who just likes to stay up at 4 am eating coffee beans and critiquing the homoerotic nature of literary works behind an Arby's or something. you love her and you love her twelve million girlfriends like kanaya, jade, vriska, terezi... the list goes on and on. you love her.
you really sympathize with his triumph over abuse and you constantly reblog davekat like your life depended on it. you understand that dave is the most developed character in the comic and you own a pair of mirror shades just to subconsciously remind yourself. have I mentioned how much davekat you reblog and draw and write? davekat is canon guys and your soft asshole boy got the boyfriend of his dreams. here's another comic of him in his underwear watching movies with karkat.
you SUPER DIG her aesthetic. JEEZE she is GOALS. you own at least 500 different pictures of jade holding the five planets on your phone and you love how she is both smart and capable of standing on her own. furries are a-ok and you like making dog jokes with jade. what a precious daughter. being part-dog was the greatest thing that could happen to her. also, you really think she got shafted in the ending and regularly post jade in many cute outfits to fill the void.
you draw her with bright red lipstick and a diner aesthetic. you are kin with jane and primarily ship janeroxycallie (or as I like to call it CottonCallie). you're kinda quiet about your love for her and don't post a whole lot. if someone else made a post for her, you'd be there giving your support and throwing in your own opinions.
GOOD WIFE GOOD WIFE WIFE MATERIAL HOLY WOW NO WAY WOWZA GOOD WIFE. you are absolutely in love with her and everything she does. you get mad when people draw her with a drink because Hey, my beautiful wife worked her BUTT off to get past that and??? she did it??? wow. she's strong, she's beautiful, she's smart, she's sassy, she's funny. Wow. you draw her gaming, you draw her making jokes, you draw her in different aesthetics, you draw her doing void things, honestly who cares as long as you're drawing her. you might not be into johnroxy but ROXYCALLIE HOLY SHIT MAN. I cannot stress enough how much you love her.
you can't help but love this trainwreck of a man. he's so problematic but that's why you love him! you regularly upload dirkjohn comics involving his wacky manime antics. everything you draw with dirk is gay or is him doing something ridiculously over the top but that's just the way you like it. sometimes you'll do character analysis posts that really delve into his subconscious and then accidentally attract 30 haters to your blog. you like how he cronches into an orange with the skin on and are CONSTANTLY shitposting.
you and twelve other guys are in the same small cult for this goofy boy's butt. you know just about everyone on this site that loves him. you would die for this man. everything he does makes you smile. you make analysis posts all the time about how he is WAY smarter than he lets on and is an ingenious manipulator but not in the Bad Way. you appreciate him way more than just guns, skulls, and movies. you draw him with very fluffy hair and have four askblogs for him. people will say you have bad taste and you will agree but continue to love him. every one out three comics is about dirk.
umm AU where harry just went through a really bad breakup in which his douchey ex-fiance leaves him for a huge corporate job offer. which yeah good for him except he was a jerk about the breakup, left him via phone message, and didn’t look back. which sucks all on it’s own but now harry finds himself confused because he’s not nearly as sad as he thinks he should be about it, and frustrated because he has two non refundable tickets for a honeymoon cruise. enter childhood best friend louis, who he calls up the night before while packing and is all like, “ummmm so. how’s a free vacation sound?” and louis’s like “nothing’s free in life harold…. but….. i’m listening.” it honestly doesn’t even take anything to convince louis. most of his protest is just for show because harry can already hear him dragging his suitcase out of the closet. so.
so they arrive at the dock where they’re supposed to board the ship and louis’s like “um so why is everyone holding hands lol” and harry’s all “yeah…. so… funny story… ummmm i got dumped and this is my honeymoon cruise surprise :)” (louis is tempted to throw him overboard. they haven’t even gotten on the boat yet but the sentiment is still the same). but now that louis knows the whole story (which harry tells amidst deep frowns and lots of tears), he is determined to be the best fake™ husband ever. so he signs them up for all the couples activities because “go big or go home styles. or tomlinson. styles-tomlinson? who are we again?” and they end up doing better than most of the couples there when it comes down to How Well Do You Know Your Spouse trivia. it should be embarrassing really, because everyone around the ship already knows them as the dream team and it’s only been 4 days.
cue dramatic confessions, bed sharing that means nothing till it means something, an obscene amount of nautical references, and cameos by the rest of one direction lol