How would iKon react if they'd find you standing in front of a mirror judging yourself and whispering that you're too ugly and too fat and that you'd need to loose weight?
When you told Hanbin you’d be taking a bath and rushed to the bathroom soon after, you didn’t hear him half-yelling a “let’s go together!” while he focused on finishing that level on the game, being engrossed on the gameplay he can’t tell that you already left, but glancing up to look at you and seeing that you’re gone, Hanbin pauses the game and pushes himself off the couch.
- Jagi! I said… Let’s–
He enters in the bathroom, already throwing his shirt somewhere and sees you eyeing your body on the mirror and he stops in his tracks, raising an eyebrow. Hanbin leans on the doorway and doesn’t say anything, a mischevious smile curling his lips while he takes his time to run his eyes over your body.
He looks back up at you and there are tears threatening to fall, he frowns, but he can’t say anything because next thing he knows you’re tearing up, shoving him out of the bathroom.
The bathroom door is slammed on his face and for a second he just stands there, dumbfounded, that is until he hears you sobbing on the other side of the door.
- Ba–Baby! Jagi, I’m sorry! - He doesn’t really know what he’s apologizing for. - I’m sorry!- He knocks. - Don’t cry, huh?! Open up and let’s talk! - He knocks again, calling your name. - What’s wrong? Don’t cry! Open the door, please, jagi! Let’s talk! Baby! Please! - He pleads while knocking incessantly on the door.
It doesn’t matter how much he pleads, how much he knocks, he can only hear you crying.
- Baby, whatever it is… Come out and talk to me– Or let me in. - he pleads. - Please, don’t cry– - He’s about to knock again when he hears you saying something, faintly. He stops and listen.
- Please, Hanbin, just– Just let me be, okay? - He sighs and for a moment, he doesn’t knock or say anything, silence fills the air around the both of you.
- Can’t you just tell why? - His voice quieter than before.
You don’t say anything back for a while, he grows expectant.
- I’m not– enough. - Your voice is so small he can barely hear through the tightly shut between the two of you.
- I’m not pretty enough, I’m not– - He cuts you off.
- Is that what this is about? Really? - He supports both hands on each side the doorway. - Babe, didn’t you see the way I looked at you just now? Should I tell you all that went through my mind then?
- What are you doing? - He asks when he sees you looking at your reflection with a discontent expression on your face.
He attempts to wrap his arms around you, but you don’t let him.
- What? - He looks at you through the mirror, but you look away from him, not being able to reply, simply pulling your robe around your body, he stops you before you can walk away.
- I’m not– pretty. - You can’t seem look at him, he scoffs.
- Who said that? - Your head snap up to look at him.
- Didn’t you just see it? I’m ugly and fa– - With an exasperated sigh he doesn’t even let you finish what you where saying, pulling you to hide your face in his chest.
- Let’s just stop here, okay? Don’t ever say anything like that again. - He looks down at you and cups your cheek with one of his hands to make you look at him. - Alright?
You don’t reply to him.
- If you think you need to lose weight or something we can go to a doctor and see what he thinks about it, if he says you’re healthy and just fine, then we forget about it, okay? - He waits until you nod hesitantly at him, then he scoffs. - And what was that of being ugly? Is that you trying to make a joke? It’s not funny.
It’s something you do, call flaws whatever you can find about yourself, looking for them. It became worse after you started dating Yuhyeong and you’re in-between cloud nine from how perfect he is as a boyfriend, disbelief and more self-hatred for not being enough, you see the idols around him, his co-workers, the dancers and performers that surrounds him and what can you say when you compare yourself to them?
Just like every other day, you’re doing it again in your room, standing in front of a mirror, judging yourself, not able to find a single good thing, you didn’t know Yuhyeong would come over and push open the door, his intention is to pay you a surprise visit since he got the day for himself, but the moment he sees you wearing almost nothing he apologizes and closes the door again. In panic, you run and lock the door, yelling at him to go away, not caring about his apologies.
It has been weeks, you haven’t talked to him, you didn’t pick up his calls nor reply any message he sent you when he came by you made your sibling promises they wouldn’t let him in, he tried finding you, but you always avoid him and he’s scared and worried and misses you.
It’s a big fuss in the company when they said there’s a celebrity there, everyone wants to see, take photos, have something signed.
- It’s iKON! - Your workmate says with a huge grin, almost hoping on the same spot. - C’mon! Let’s get an autograph! What is it? - You look away, feeling the blood run away from your veins in less than a second. - You look pale, are you–
Someone calls your name and for a moment there you panic until you look up to see your boss.
- You wanted a chance to present your concept, right? Then, follow me.
During the presentation you don’t look at him, you find yourself lucky to not even having to sit close to him and when the meeting is over you flee from there as soon and as fast as you possibly can, only stopping when you find yourself a safe place to be alone. Your heart is hammering in your chest and you only notice you’re crying when you start sobbing.
A pair of arms wraps themselves tightly around you and you pull back, looking up to see Yuhyeong. He sighs.
- y/n! I’m sorry! - He starts and licks his lips, trying to look in your eyes, you look away. - I promise you, I didn’t mean to– do that. I didn’t know you– - he clears his throat. - –were like that. I love you and I respect you, I’d never–
- Love me? - He frowns, you still don’t look at him. - You love me? Even when you saw me like that? - You finally look up at him, but the hurt in your eyes cause his heart to ache.- Maybe the right words would be– - You lick your lips. - “y/n, I’m sorry! I think we’re not a match, let’s break up!” - His eyes widen in shock.
- Wh-What? Break up? - His voice goes up a few octaves and you’re taken aback. - But why? I just said I love you!
- I’m not like the people you’re surrounded by, Yunhyeong! I’m not perfect like them! - He blinks in disbelief.
- You are perfect! And you’re mine! Maybe I haven’t said it enough, maybe I’m not showing enough, but I want to, so don’t ever talk about breaking up again, okay? Deal?