i see no faults about this

It’s unfortunate because I see women on a daily basis who obviously hate being mothers and deeply regret it, but for one thing that child didn’t ask to be born, and for another that is often in cases where an adult didn’t think about her actions and their seriousness enough and made a bad choice for herself to have kids. That’s not that child’s fault and I have sympathy for women in situations like that because they were often functionally just pressured into it by a culture that thinks women are childbearers naturally but sorry, if you fuck up and have children when you shouldn’t I’m going to feel a lot more bad for the child who didn’t ask to be brought into the world by your poor choices and is going to be treated, whether you KNOW they know it or not they are very perceptive and much smarter than most people remember and they have complicated feelings without the ability to process them, and I know people who have lifelong psychic scars because of having been treated like they were unwanted because they were. When you choose to have and keep children, you have a responsibility to raise them well, period. It’s so frustrating to see a million excuses for poor parenting- everyone fucks up, sometimes a lot, sometimes badly, but that doesn’t make it okay.


I think there are important questions for us, especially feminists, to ask about how much women can even consent to pregnancy and childrearing in a meaningful way when they are so pressured into seeing them as not just options but necessities and eventuality. But in the meantime, god, you are responsible for your actions and maybe ask yourself if you want children before you have and decide to keep them!

I was thinking about how Kiddo has dealt with the bullying this year. It’s been less than two months since school started and it’s been constant (although until recently fairly low level)

This probably would have broken me at that age already but Kiddo is made of sterner stuff…and I think that’s because we have talked to them about it.

See I never believed in “protecting” my child by playing down bullies or focusing on “nothing is wrong with you”

I believe and always believed in sitting my kid down and saying “You will encounter cruelty. You will encounter people who don’t understand and seek to tear you down. You will encounter hatred and ignorance and you must be prepared”

I always made sure to explain that the ones doing the bullying are at fault. That they fear what they don’t understand. That they are ignorant.

I have never excused their behaviour.

Kiddo has suggested they don’t have great lives. I agreed that’s possible but stressed it didn’t justify their behaviour

I taught Kiddo to get away and seek and adult and tell them immediately. To walk away. To answer invasive questions about their gender with “none of your business” to run away from danger and to scream and to look the bully in the eye when challenged on their right to exist and say “because I’m better than you”

But I also taught Kiddo they didn’t have to fight this battle. That they didn’t owe anyone their whole self and if they felt safer, happier at the moment, closeted and Hidden. That that was an option too, and a valid one.

But if they wanted to fight. If they wanted to be their true self at all times than I and their father would have their backs always.

Kiddo has chosen to fight.

Because this is their choice and because we warned them of the coming battles and struggles they are anything but intimidated.

They are picked on and they tell and adult with full confidence that the adult will take it seriously and deal with it. (A far cry from my school days)

They hear insults and invasive questions and taunts and are widely unimpressed. (“They’re trying to upset me but they aren’t very good at it Mummy”)

They are shoved and they aren’t scared but they aren’t stupid and so they run home to tell me.

Kiddo doesn’t feel bad about the bullies home lives or guilty for being upset.

Kiddo isn’t afraid to tell an adult or to stand up for themselves

They aren’t caught by surprise by the bullying either

Talking to your kids about the fact that assholes exist shockingly makes it easier for them to deal with bullies. Giving them strategies and ways to defend or get away from bullies helps.

Pretending that no one will ever be bad to your child ever so they don’t get scared? Sets them up to be victimised especially if you know they have a target on their back.

Teach them that they have a target and what to fucking do about it.

rainbowdracula  asked:

I think what we're seeing is a communication breakdown between Keith and Shiro, caused by their personal baggage and fears, so it's not anyone's fault but it's still sad because they're so close. Hopefully next season we see them confront this breakdown and make their relationship stronger...I love healthy communication in my shows ;o;

1000% agree!! these guys are funny because they’ve been called the closest relationship on the team but they’re also super terrible at actually soothing each others REAL troubles cuz they’re never really honest about them. Maybe they feel like if they speak the truth they’ll scare the other person off. But the important thing is they’re still trying to comfort each other despite their bad communication issues, and that’s why I like them so much. I feel like we’re gonna hit a big hurdle soon, but when they get over it they’ll be closer to real equals where Keith can have some more faith in himself and stop relying on Shiro, and Shiro can open up to Keith as a man and a leader who can support him as a partner. 

Day 17 - Return to Sender
Moony Moon (cover of the Residents version)

Sometimes I fail to see the difference between being in love with a girl and just thinking she’s really cute.


One good thing about letting my love for a specific person control my life and work for 5 years is that now I’m wise enough not to repeat the same mistake again. Nobody owes me anything and I shouldn’t waste my energy on people that aren’t for me. I went through the 5 stages of grief so many times for one person and now I’d rather work on my music than bother with that anymore.

It’s not her fault. I know I make it seem like she ruined my life or something, but far from it. I thank her. My experiences with her taught me very much, whether she knows it or not. I’m very happy to still be friends with her and it’s better to keep it that way.

To be honest with you, this whole thing felt more like wandering around aimlessly than actual teen-movie unrequited love.

Sorry for rambling. This song is a cover of The Residents’ cover of Elvis Presley’s rendition of “Return to Sender.” That bubbly BOPPY ol’ synth sound is the Autogun synth in FL Studio. Real weird one, full of boppity-woopity sounds that either sound too good or like total shit.

This drawing isn’t that special - I just wanted to draw a cute ghastly girl.

reginleifk  asked:

Seeing that anon talking about that meme. You know what I just remembered? When Sofia retweeted about changing her fandom's name to family, one of the fans asked what to call her. You know what was the first thing to pass through my mind? I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT!!! I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS, AND IT'S YOUR FAULT!!!! YES, IT'S EXACTLY WHT YOU'RE THINKING!!!!

GET OUT OF MY HOUSE

themeddlinggirl  asked:

hey truffles! what's up with wild barry and the stars? i was very confused! got any theories?

I suspect he was literally seeing stars, similar to how you might “see stars” if you’ve been clocked in the head hard enough or if you’re about to lose consciousness.  Alternatively, he was seeing stars because his Speed Force “enhanced” vision overlaps with the more mundane human reality (so, think about wearing infrared goggles) and produces stars.  Either way, some sort of mental overload was probably at fault.

I Don’t Think Jacob’s Captors Let Him Go By Accident

by reddit user nowwegotcha

Jacob became one popular dude during my sophomore year of high school, two years ago. In the middle of the year, he just showed up. His family had moved him away from their old home, but his reputation somehow got loose in the hallways.

At the age of twelve, Jacob had been kidnapped from his home in the middle of the night. His parents had been apparently drugged by an unknown person, and their son had been stolen. No one even called the police until the parents woke up. No witnesses, fingerprints, ransom notes, nothing.

Keep reading

New Stuff!

Hey guys! Hope you’re all having a good day!


Merch4All (the people that do my merch… duh) have been working super hard to get out the posters to you guys! Seems like most of you have them by now, and if you don’t, they should be getting to you VERY soon! Sorry again about all the delay on those. That was my fault!


With that stuff in mind, they were asking me about new stuff I want to put out this fall/winter! I have a few things in mind and they’ve come to me with some pretty exciting new stuff, but I wanted to ask you guys what you wanted! You want more hoodies? beanies? pajama pants? socks? Lemme know what you’d like to see! Also if there’s any quotes you love that you’d like to see on a limited tee shirt or something! Open to any ideas you guys may have! Just wanna put out new stuff that you guys like and also stuff that just looks cool to wear!


Hope you guys are having a great day, and hopefully there will be some new stuff on the store soon to keep your cute faces warm.


OKAY ILL SEE YOU LATER LOVE YOU

Like you mean it 😘

Thank you, @cuppa-tea-eh for that prompt! :) It was so much fun! (and whenever ‘it was fun’ it turns into… well, 3k this time. Whoops!) I also posted it on AO3 if you prefer to read it there… :)


Cho Chang. Cho Chang? Really? Cho. Chang!!

“Draco, are you alright?” Pansy was waving a hand in front of his face, scrutinising him intently. She looked worried.

“Cho Chang,” Draco muttered for the umpteenth time. Pansy sighed, letting her hand drop to her side and leaning away again.

“Yes, Draco, Cho Chang. But she said no. She’s already going with someone else.”

Draco couldn’t help but sneer. Thank Merlin Chang was already going out with Diggory! But Potter seemed to fancy her nonetheless. Draco had caught him staring at the Ravenclaw in the Great Hall several times. It made him want to dump his porridge on Potter’s head.

When he saw Potter the next day, he noticed how tense his shoulders looked, how he was walking with his head bowed. Draco would have liked nothing more than to go over there and end Potter’s misery. There were only a few minor problems. Draco had a reputation to uphold. He couldn’t just walk over there and ask him to the Yule Ball. Besides, Potter didn’t even like him.

The more Draco thought about the impossibility of ever being with the stupid Gryffindor, the angrier he got. As he watched Potter cross the courtyard, he acted on impulse. He scooped up a handful of snow and threw it with as much force as he could. It hit Potter right in the back of his head.

“Ow!” He whirled around and narrowed his eyes when he saw Draco sneering at him.

“Potter!” Draco didn’t even have to force his voice to sound gleeful, it was an automatism. “Could you be any more pathetic?” He approached Potter with a smart pace, flashing his ‘Potter stinks’ badge before he came to a halt in front of him. “How does it feel, Potter, to realise you’re not everybody’s darling?” He cackled scornfully, jutting his chin forward. “The Boy Who Lived… can’t even find a date for the Yule Ball.”

Potter glowered at him and Draco felt almost embarrassed about how much he was enjoying it.

“Oh, because everybody is begging you to go with them?” Potter said in a mocking tone. Draco straightened himself, attempting to look as superior as possible.

“Unlike you, I get to pick and choose amongst my devoted admirers.”

Draco scowled when Potter snorted.

“Right. The one devoted admirer being Pansy Parkinson. And you call me pathetic.”

Draco struggled to keep his composure. But he wouldn’t let Potter win.

“Should I build you a snowwoman, so you won’t end up alone after all? At least she’d have as much charisma as you.”

“Don’t bother, Malfoy,” Potter said gruffly. “Worry about yourself. I bet you can’t find someone other than Pansy who’d want to go with you.”

Draco felt his cheeks burn up. He didn’t want to go with Pansy but had already made his peace with it, seeing as the person he really wanted to go with wasn’t an option.

“I already told you, I have lots of choices,” Draco fumed. It was an outright lie and he suspected Potter knew it. The Gryffindor crossed his arms in front of his chest and gave Draco a speculative glance.

“Alright, let’s make a bet then.”

Draco pressed his lips together to keep himself from gaping. He squared his shoulders and forced himself to smirk.

“Sure. But if- I mean when I turn up with my date, who won’t be Pansy, you’ll kneel in front of me and kiss my hand.” Draco chuckled inwardly.

“What? I won’t be kneeling-”

“Scared you’ll lose, Potter?” Draco said tauntingly. Potter gritted his teeth.

“Fine! Since you seem to be so sure of yourself, I’ll make it easy for you. If I win, you’ll kiss your date in front of everyone! Like you mean it.”

Draco bit his lip. Potter wasn’t playing fair. He knew Pansy had a thing for Draco and she would kill him if he went to the ball with somebody else and kissed them right in front of her. But he couldn’t back down now.

“You’ve got yourself a bet, Potter,” he growled and stalked off to the Slytherin common room. What had he gotten himself into? This was bound to end badly. He knew it from the second he had agreed to this stupid bet and was proven right again when he talked to Pansy.

“What do you mean, you can’t go to the ball with me?” she screeched. Draco sighed.

“I made a bet with Potter,” he said, plopping down in an armchair.

“And that bet excludes me as your date?” She was probably going to start throwing things any second now.

“It does,” Draco replied. “Just ask Blaise or something.” It was obviously the wrong thing to say. Pansy’s face was red and blotchy, her nostrils were flared and her eyes look murderous.

“I will kill Potter for this,” she yelled and stormed off into her dorm. Draco let his head fall back and tried not to think about how Pansy would react if he actually had to kiss someone in front of her. Like you mean it. Potter’s words echoed in his head. That would be a tough sell. The only person he could imagine kissing in earnest was the one he’d had to beat in this stupid bet.


Draco looked around the Great Hall and wrinkled his nose. Finding a date to the Yule Ball had turned out harder than he had anticipated. Every single person he had asked was already taken, or at least they said they were, and time was running out fast. The stupid ball was tomorrow. His only consolation was that Potter didn’t seem to have had much luck either.

He didn’t know why he did it, what idiocy drove him to provoke Potter further, but when Potions class was over, he strode over to the Gryffindor and casually leaned his hip against his desk.

“Time’s almost up, Potter. We can do a test run if you like, to familiarise your knees to being bent.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Granger and Weasley blinking at him.

“I don’t think that will be necessary,” Potter said, standing up. “You on the other hand should probably take better care of these.” Without warning, Potter’s thumb was brushing Draco’s lower lip. “They look a bit chapped. Wouldn’t want your date to cut themselves on your lip.”

Draco could only watch Potter and his friends, who were still gaping at Draco, leave the classroom while he stood there, dumbfounded and rooted to the spot. His heart was about to jump out his chest and his legs felt like he had been hit with the Jelly-Legs-Jinx.

He was still slightly swaying when he found Blaise in the library.

“Got a date yet?” he asked, putting down his quill. Draco groaned.

“No. And Potter is driving me insane!”

“Honestly, you should just ask him to be your date and be done with it,” Blaise suggested.

“You’re very helpful,” Draco barked.

“Seriously, Draco, I swear to Salazar, if you don’t do anything about it and I have to endure you talking about him every waking minute until we finish school, I will throw myself into the Great Lake.”

“You know very well I can’t do anything about it,” Draco huffed. “And I do not talk about him that much.”

Blaise gave him an exasperated look and sighed.

“Why do you even like him?”

Draco frowned.

“How should I know? I just… do.”

Shaking his head, Blaise took his quill and stuffed it into his bag.

Keep reading

Free The Animal

Word Count: 6k

Genre: Smut, Angst (will I ever stop being emo?)

Author’s Note: You ever forget that you’re a fanfic writer then you write a fic so bad you remember how much of a hack you are? Yeah welcome to my fic :’D

dom!jungkook- fuckboi!jungkook- fuckbuddy relationship- dirty talk- thigh riding mention because damn even I am not immune to his thighs- inspired by Sia’s song and part of the song drabble game. You can find links to the rest of them on my masterlist

Loving You To Death (Sequel)

There he was with his hands up some girl’s skirt, grinding on her like he was trying to fuck her through their clothes, the fucking pig. You huff and turn to your friend who gives you an exasperated look, “___, just go and grab him by the dick and tell him he can’t fucking do that.”

“He can do whatever the fuck he wants to do, even if that is a bleach blonde bitch with a tan that makes her look like an Oompa Loompa.” That was pretty low, you admit. It wasn’t the girl’s fault that Jungkook had chosen her for the night. But seriously, there was a limit to tanning, this was just harmful to the eyes.

“No, he can’t because you’re together.” Your friend, Hwasa, sounds pretty fed up with you.

“No, we’re not. We’re just fuck buddies and we agreed that we’re not exclusive right from the start.” Why wasn’t she understanding this? You’d explained it to her a thousand times.

“I don’t care what bullshit you told each other. All I care about is what I see, and that is two idiots constantly doing all they can to piss each other off because they can’t communicate like adults.”

“What are you even talking about? Jungkook is not trying to piss me off. He’s just being himself. Which is admittedly annoying in and of itself but you know…”

“Then why did he do nothing the past three days but play video games while you were off galavanting with Jin, only to start making out with some girl the minute you make an appearance?”

“He did?” You asked surprised, only to check yourself back and shrug it off. “I don’t know, he must have just not felt like it.”

“Oh my god, save me from these two idiots.” Hwasa cries then takes you by the shoulder and starts shaking you, “He’s fucking jealous because you took Jin to meet your family and not him so he’s trying to piss you off. Why? Because he likes you. And you’re pissed off. Why? Because you like him. Now can you get that through your thick skull or do I have to beat it into you?”

Keep reading

Here’s a little something for @merrkkat who is always so nice and sweet!! <3

I Thought You Were Already Married

So, no one asked for a part two butttt I decided to write it anyways. You don’t have to read part one to understand it. This can be read as a stand alone. If you would like to read part one, here you go.

——————————————————————-


               “Harry, you have to go in.” Sirius told his godson firmly. He tried to remain stern but the pleading green eyes of the three-year-old was hard to ignore.

                “What if they don’t like me.” The sniffle and wobbling lip was always his weakness. Merlin, where was Remus when he needed him? “What if no one wants to be my friend?”

                Sirius sighed heavily as he kneeled on the ground and cupped Harry’s cheeks. “You are going to make many friends. Probably too many to count.” He smiled softly at the wonder in those bright eyes. “Even if for some crazy reason, you don’t make a friend, I’ll always be your friend. Isn’t that enough?”

                “No.” Came the quick reply. It had Sirius rolling his eyes at his sassy godson. Harry must get that from Remus.

                “Why can’t Moony be here? He wouldn’t make me go in.”

                That had Sirius dropping his hands in defeat and adopting a pout. “I see how it is, Remus is your favorite.”

                When Harry nodded his head, Sirius let out a playful growl. “You aren’t supposed to agree!” He tickled Harry and relished the joyful squeals the boy released. He couldn’t fault Harry for preferring Remus over him. The werewolf was his favorite person too.

                “If you go in there, I promise that I’ll let you help me cheer up Remus when you get home.” Harry didn’t understand anything about the full moon or what was going on but he was smart enough at his age to know that the full moon makes Remus sad. The man was resting in bed recovering after yesterday’s transformation.

                By the way Harry’s eyes lit up and a soft gasp escaped, he knew that he had won. Despite this, he couldn’t help but pray to any higher power that Harry really would make a friend. Any friend would do.

———————————————————————

Keep reading

Nessian Parallels

Nesta’s throat bobbed. “Please.” I didn’t think I’d ever heard that word from her mouth. “Please—do not leave us to face this alone.”
The eldest queen remained unmoved. I had no words in my head.
We had shown them … we had … we had done everything. Even Rhys was silent, his face unreadable.
But then Cassian crossed to Nesta, the guards stiffening as the Illyrian moved through them as if they were stalks of wheat in a field.
He studied Nesta for a long moment. She was still glaring at the queens, her eyes lined with tears—tears of rage and despair, from that fire that burned her so violently from within. When she finally noticed Cassian, she looked up at him.
His voice was rough as he said, “Five hundred years ago, I fought on battlefields not far from this house. I fought beside human and faerie alike, bled beside them. I will stand on that battlefield again, Nesta Archeron, to protect this house—your people. I can think of no better way to end my existence than to defend those who need it most.”
I watched a tear slide down Nesta’s cheek. And I watched as Cassian reached up a hand to wipe it away.

 I was quote flicking for writing purposes but I think this part is interesting for a reason that…Has never really been talked about. But I think it’s incredibly important that at no point in this scene does Cassian say ‘you’. He does not say ‘I will protect you’ he says that he will protect her house, her people. He will protect what is important to her. 

Nesta in this scene implores the queens not to forsake them but instead to help them. She says that there is no way they will all be able to evacuate (’they’ meaning all of the humans beneath the wall. All of them) She asks the queens not to abandon them. Not her and Elain. Not her household. Not her estates. Not even her town. All of them. People. Her people. 

And what Cassian says and does that so moves her and is so important to her is not that he will defend her. He doesn’t swear that he’ll be her shield and stand before her and ensure she is protected. He swears to return to war, to stand on a battlefield again, to fight- his kind and hers side by side again as it once was- to defend her people, those who cannot fight for themselves. 

And this is…Even more interesting because this is what Nesta does, and has always done, as well. 

Nesta would buy Elain time to run. Not my father, whom she resented with her entire steely heart. Not me, because Nesta had always known and hated that she and I were two sides of the same coin, and that I could fight my own battles. But Elain, the flower-grower, the gentle heart … Nesta would go down swinging for her.

This is really, really early on in ACOTAR but it gets overlooked a lot, I think, and leads to Nesta being misunderstood a lot as well. I’ve meta’d a lot on Nesta and Feyre before and I’ve pointed out that Feyre would probably have either resented Nesta for trying to take over and not letting her do what needed to be done or just been downright baffled for it. Nesta doesn’t bother fighting for Feyre here because she knows Feyre is more than capable of doing that herself. She’ll fight instead for Elain - Elain who can’t fight or defend herself in that way. And we see this again when Nesta goes to the Wall for Feyre because something felt wrong. Something about Tamlin and the lie he sold Feyre didn’t sit right with her and so when her sister actually did need her, Nesta tried to find her. (Which very neatly parallels Feyre warning Nesta of Tomas as well - because there was something wrong there too but that’s another meta) 

The point is that Cassian here not only recognises that Nesta does not need anyone to fight her battles for her, and would likely hate them if they tried (this is..a big part of why she and Feyre clash. Nesta resents having to rely on her little sister, she resents Feyre doing this thing that she can’t and looking after her - looking after all of them) and Cassian gets that. 

This woman does not need anyone to fight for her or protect her or coddle her. They understand each other He fights for the same reasons and the same kinds of people that she fights for: those who cannot fight themselves. 

TL;DR: Cassian does not promise to fight her battles for her. He promises to fight her battles with her. 

The Five Times You See Bucky Barnes Shirtless

Word Count: 3,408

Warnings: Slight smut.

A/N: Another re-post! :D 


The first time you see Bucky Barnes without his shirt, you almost drop the steaming mug of coffee you’re bringing into the lab. Tony has him sitting back on an examination chair and Bucky smiles at you before his face contorts in confusion. Your eyes are wide and you look like the literal personification of a deer in headlights.

“Hey, Y/N, are you okay?” he asks.

You nod, gulping thickly and adopting a nonchalant façade. You send him a smile. “Tony tinkering with your arm? Be careful with him, Barnes.”

He chuckles as Tony directs a glare at you before he looks down at your feet.

“Did you just drop half of your coffee on my pristine floors?” Tony asks, absolutely scandalized.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

BTS reaction to you telling them at dinner that you're sex life has become too dull PLEASE 😩💓

[Jk]

* You’re having dinner with the members. *

~ He looks at you for a while ~

“You’re kidding right?”

~ Looks at the other members. ~

“Don’t listen to her. She thinks it’s funny to say this in front of you… it’s just a joke.”

~ Doesn’t say anything else and spends the rest of the night thinking about it and thinking if you were serious and what in fucks name could you not be happy about. ~

[Jh]

~ It’s just you two at dinner. He’s eating and you say it quietly next to him. ~

~ Checks your temperature. ~

“Are you feeling ok? You feel a bit hot. It must be a fever and it’s making you hallucinate.” 

~ Takes off his phone and starts watching the homemade you recorded last week and makes sure you can see it as well. ~

“You don’t seem the least bit bored in this”

[Yg]

~ Fails miserably at hiding how deeply wounded that makes him feel ~

“You think so?”

(You) “I was just kidding! 😂”

~ Starts grilling meat again. ~

“You shouldn’t joke about things like that. I got worried.”

(You) “How could I say that after you made me cum 2 times just before this dinner?”

* Suga the rest of the night: *

[Jm]

~ He takes it very seriously plus he’s not happy that you’re doing this at dinner with other people.  ~ 

“Why didn’t you tell me this at home?”

“You wait until we get home. I’ll ask you about our ‘dull’ sex life tomorrow morning, we’ll see your answer.”

[Jin]

~ Taken aback. ~

“You know I’ve been sick… I didn’t even go do the Vlive with the guys today. That’s why… I’m sick!”

[Rm]

“You’re right. I’ve been working too much because of the comeback, we need to spend more time together, it’s my fault. I’m sorry.”

“I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

[V]

~ He was not expecting it at all. He just looks at you… ~

(You ~touching him~): “Babe say something…”

“Can we talk about it when we get home?”

~ He spaces out during the whole time you’re at the restaurant. He stares at you completely lost in his thoughts.~

** When you get home he talks to you right away saying that he thought everything was perfect but he will do anything to make it better for you. **


by: TopBtsSmut

gif © - ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ 

Snape and Fandom Hypocrisy

Don’t defend Draco Malfoy by saying he was a product of his environment, and then bash Snape for being a product of his.

Don’t say Narcissa Malfoy is a hero for turning against Voldemort after he threatened the people she loved, and then bash Snape for changing sides after Voldemort threatened Lily.

Don’t defend Sirius Black’s “prank” to kill Snape as a misunderstanding, and then call Snape evil for inventing spells such as sectumsempra to defend himself.

Don’t say Snape was creepily obsessed with Lily (he wasn’t), but ignore the fact that James told Lily he would stop bullying her friend if she went on a date with him.

The Value Of Just Shutting The Fuck Up Sometimes


A few weeks ago, I was doing an interview with a reporter and she was asking about almost every weird GamerGate conspiracy theory that had come up about me in the last few years. I’ve honestly forgotten more of them than I remembered at this point. She didn’t seem to understand why I’d never addressed most of the accusations which had ranged from whose dick I touched to literally murdering people. She said in researching me for the piece, she’d only ever found the weirdo accusations but not my version of events, and seemed to not understand why I wouldn’t just say what actually did or didn’t happen.

I can’t blame her for being curious. I think whenever we hear something wild, especially about someone or something we care about, we want to know answers. Lord knows if you’re the one being lied about, it’s a natural impulse to want to set the record straight or give your side of anything.

Sadly, that’s extremely short sighted. No one thinks about what might happen next.

It’s been over three years of being accused of all kinds of shit from all kinds of people, and if I’ve learned nothing else, I’ve learned the importance of restraint and the responsibility that comes with having a large platform and gigantic visibility. It makes me feel like a kaiju where any small movement could potentially tip over a building. I’ve written a bunch in my book about how engaging with bad-faith accusations and signal boosting them just to refute them can easily backfire and ingrain false information in people’s minds even further. That can sometimes just come down to a math problem - if someone with an audience of 50 makes up a rumor about you, if you respond to it with your audience of 500, more people are going to see the false stuff than would otherwise. To complicate matters, there are enough people out there who think that even refuting something at all makes you look guilty. There are people who want you to be guilty because they already don’t like you. Frequently, bad-faith accusations will not be addressed by proof to the contrary, because you can’t reason someone out of something they didn’t reason themselves into in the first place. People are complicated.

But when you put your side of anything out there, the thing that comes next isn’t usually “oh, okay”. The thing that comes next is usually escalation. It’s people digging into shit trying to prove you wrong. It’s invasive, and it can have so much collateral damage.

For example, when people ask me why I didn’t address my ex’s claims about who I did and didn’t sleep with, even when I had the floor, I get why they’d ask. My own desire to keep some remaining shred of my privacy aside, those claims aren’t just about me. I’ve been accused of sleeping with people I haven’t ever really talked to, people who are pretty private in general who just want to be left the hell alone. I don’t have the right to drag them back into a messy situation that involves probably getting stalked and yelled at by nazis just to try and save my own skin, especially since it’s more likely than not that people are just going to believe whatever they want to anyway. Or maybe that’s me being cynical after watching years of people claiming that I fucked someone for a review I never got from a website I already had written for in the past. I honestly have, I think understandably, lost a bit of perspective on that particular point.

This is especially complicated by situations like mine, because I am under constant surveillance by people who hate my guts who are looking for people to hurt, and people looking to feed on “drama”, and people looking for new targets. If you think that’s being dramatic, there are places I know of that have threads specifically about stalking me *to this day* with literally thousands of posts in them. Bad faith actors aside, my audience is in the hundreds of thousands. The responsibility that comes with that is something I take extremely seriously.
It’s something that I encourage everyone else with big online platforms to take extremely seriously too. I think a lot of us internet famous folks ended up here without really trying to, and it’s easy to feel like “well I didn’t ask for this and it’s not my fault if something happens” and while, yeah, sure, you can’t take responsibility for the actions of other people (especially people who are super out there and just looking to hurt someone regardless of whatever you’re doing), I see no reason to not try to minimize harm. A power dynamic doesn’t cease to exist just because you didn’t explicitly seek that power out, or maybe didn’t even want it in the first place. People who have less resources than you will still have less resources than you regardless of how you feel about it.

When there’s a significant power differential at play, there’s harm algebra to be done when it comes to addressing disinformation. It’s not as simple as “just setting the record straight” in public, because once you make something public you give up a certain degree of control that you cannot get back. It might mean putting someone who is already hurting or has so much less than me in more harm than I’d ever face by just taking the reputation hit.

Sometimes there’s situations where I just have to take it on the chin, because nothing happens in a vacuum. Sometimes I just have to let it go, no matter how much it fucking sucks to have people out there tearing into you for reasons that really have very little to do with you, because the collateral damage is too much on too many people to justify any potential repairs to my reputation.

Honestly, it’s really not worth it to me to escalate a situation just to make a frequently pointless attempt at getting people to be more critical of the wild shit they read about me online, especially when it means probably hurting someone else. It’s been years and I still don’t know how to navigate a lot of this. I’ve tried so much already - talking about bigger stuff, proving what actually happened, attempting to prove negatives, responding only with screenshots of fighting game win screens. It’s not like people making shit up about me, regardless of motivation, is a novel occurrence in my life. It’s not like I’ve made the right call all the time - I’ve arrived at this method of dealing with shit after making a lot of *wrong* calls. I’ve been pretty open about being a bad fit for being a public figure of any sort - I was (and still feel) vastly unprepared to handle being a weird symbol to so many people who want all kinds of things from me regardless of if they need a villain or a hero or a symbol of whatever the fuck.

Frankly I can’t live my life around playing whack a mole with whatever new horseshit slithers out of the corners of the internet on any given day that ends in Y, because when I was trying to do that it really almost cost me my life.

A fun side effect of being a survivor of domestic violence is how easy it is to slip back into doubting your own life and experiences to a hyperbolic degree. A fun side effect of depression is feeling like everything you say and do is bad and wrong and that you’re worthless on a regular basis. A fun side effect of my PTSD is flashing back to being in that fucking elevator shaft when GamerGate started and I couldn’t sleep or eat and was convinced everyone would turn on me and I’d be alone forever any time some conspiracy comes up that hits me at just the right angle that it gets under my armor.

But I know that’s squarely out of my control. All I can do is manage what I do with that. I don’t know what else to do other than seek external advice from people smarter than me when something comes up that really gets under my skin or makes me doubt my own version of events even when I damn well know something didn’t happen to help counter the trashbrain filter that the disinformation comes in through because having those issues doesn’t let me off of any hooks. I don’t want to use any of that, or even my status as someone who is frequently targeted with shit that I’m too exhausted to type out so just picture me gesturing vaguely at everything to absolve me of anything. I don’t ever want to think I’m above reproach, so I check in with people around me who will be honest and call me on my shit. When I do fuck up, and I do because I’m a human in an extremely weird fucking situation, I do whatever seems like the right thing to do, not the face-saving thing to do. Sometimes, this is shit that’s done in private. I don’t know why people assume everything has to be handled extremely online. But overwhelmingly more often than not, shit is maliciously made up, and more often than not the only right move that will de-escalate shit and hurt the least amount of people is just letting it go and praying that people will see through it, or they’ll actually talk to me if they see some wild accusation. And if people wanted to look for reasons to think the worst and get the knives out immediately, honestly, I feel extremely done with anyone looking to build people up only to gleefully tear them back down. I’m tired and I’ve watched too many communities devour themselves to want any part of that, and am only interested in working toward a future that’s centered on restorative justice instead of exclusively punitive systems in different settings. I’m tired of enthusiastic disposibility masquerading as community. All that behavior says to me is that I was never safe around you in the first place.  

I know I’m taking a gigantic risk in even posting this to begin with because I know it’s an uncomfortable subject, but it feels like a bigger, longer-term risk to watch my comrades, siblings, and friends all scared and lost on either side of the power dynamic - both as people who have grievances with people with gigantic platforms, and as people who have gained both visibility and the jealousy and hatefollows that come with it. I’m tired of talking about this stuff in dms with other scared people who don’t know what to do. And by no means do I think this is the only way to deal with any of this - this is just how I feel, and how I approach being someone who went from being some random weirdo to being a cultural football. Your mileage may vary. Hopefully I figure out a way that’s less dehumanizing, and if I do, I’ll be sure and let you know. But again, I’m a random weirdo game developer. I’m figuring this shit out as I go, and I lean into my skids and wear my heart on my sleeve and if y'all want to throw me in the trash over being aggressively vulnerable and human at you, that’s ok. You don’t have to like me or support me, and I like trash anyway.

Shit’s pretty fucked up in the world right now (duh), but the very least we can do is really interrogate how and what we use our varying degrees of reach and visibility for. We have to see ourselves as part of something larger and look at our impact instead of just our intentions. For me, sometimes that means that being right doesn’t mean a damn thing and is unrelated to doing the right thing. Sometimes, for me, that means knowing when to just shut the fuck up and let people think what they’re gonna think. And if nothing else, I’ve seen that on a long enough timeline, people tend to figure out who makes shit up without my involvement.

So I’m only gonna say all of this once, here, so that I never have to say it again and I can point at it any time I’m asked to weigh in on something someone said about me on the internet, because god damn I’m tired and I’d rather spend my time and effort trying to help people and make dope shit than fuss about what people think they know about me.

Touch, pt. 1

let’s do a ficlet or two about Hanzo being absolutely touch-starved because I relate to that too much because I need more of this

Hanzo has never been the kind of person to seek out, or even particularly enjoy, touching or being touched. Even when he was young, though he was conditioned into seeking the approval of his family elders at all times, he had never particularly craved their physical affection. He roughhoused with Genji in the way siblings did, and occasionally received a pat on the head from his father when he was small enough for it, and that was, for the most part, satisfactory. His family approved of him being distant and untouchable.

That mild aversion to touch followed him into adulthood. Other than the same romantic and sexual experimentations that nearly all teenagers gothrough, he has consistently been unbothered. (It doesn’t help that, nowadays, most of the people to get within touching distance are trying to murder him.)

He doesn’t think of himself as touch-starved in any manner–until he meets Jesse McCree. 

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