i see everything through this lens

One day you will be happy. Not constantly, but it will become a theme in your life. You will have days where you feel sad and that’s normal. But eventually you can wake up with a smile on your face even if there isn’t a reason. You’ll see yourself through a clearer lens. You’ll think of the best case scenarios. You’ll find people who you can share your happiness with. You’ll settle into your own body and mind with a sense of security.

If we should never see each other again, then all I ask is that you preserve the memory of the girl you once knew.
If by some chance, you should remember me from time to time – then remember me the way that I was; young and happy and free… Remember my imperfections through nostalgia’s softened lens… let them blur and merge into everything that you loved about me.
Don’t remember when I cried… just that I laughed.
Don’t remember how difficult I was to reach – only that I was incredible to hold.
Remember the curve of my smile, or the glint in my eye whenever I would look at you or the way that moonlight looked upon my skin. Because perhaps in a way, it is a blessing that you will never see me aging… that you’ll never know when my health is failing…
so don’t imagine me ever changing… Remember me always as the girl that I was… remember the way that I loved you… and remember that I always will…

anonymous asked:

Question for autistics: I see much of the community is against a cure; why is that? It seems like a lot have lots of trouble understand social stuff which can cause emotional distress, not to mention hard times with sensory things and meltdowns. With all that hard stuff, why wouldn't you want a cure? Not an attack; a genuine question.

Autism is an intrinsic part of who we are as people. There is no “normal” person beneath the autism. We are autistic through and through. Everything we experience from the time we are born is shaped and filtered through the lens of autism. As such, if we were not autistic, we would be completely different people. 

If you were offered a pill that completely changes everything about you, would you do it? Do you hate yourself enough to want to give up everything about yourself? I’m sure you have difficulties and struggles, are those enough to make you want to be a completely different person?

Probably not. While I’m sure you have struggles, I’m guessing there are also things you like about yourself. The same goes for autism. Yes, there are negative aspects to being autistic, but there are also positives, and many of us like some of our autistic traits. For instance, I like my special interests. I like how passionate I get about things. I like having a different view of the world than most people. I like stimming. Yeah, meltdowns really suck. Social difficulties can be hell to deal with. But, no matter how many difficulties I may face, I don’t want to change everything about me. 

Further, even if I wasn’t autistic, that doesn’t mean my life would be better. People of all abilities can face great difficulties in life. I could get rid of all my disabilities and still struggle. A cure would not necessarily make life any easier. Sure, I might not get meltdowns anymore, but there are plenty of worse things that can happen. 

If I were to be cured, I would be a completely different person. The way I have processed my life is through the lens of autism and all of the experiences that make up me would be processed differently if I weren’t autistic. Sure, I wouldn’t have meltdowns or other “bad” traits of autism, but I also would lose the intensity with which I feel. I would lose my passion. I would lose many of the things that give me meaning in life? Would I still be a feminist if I weren’t autistic? Would I fight for the oppressed if my life had gone differently? Would I be a writer? Would I be a musician? Would I be as compassionate? Would I be as driven to help others? What of me would be left if I weren’t autistic?

Yes, there are negative aspects to being autistic, but there are also positives. There is pain to being autistic, but there is also joy and happiness and love and community. This is why many of us don’t want a cure. 

Further, a cure is not really possible. Autism has been shown to be genetic which means that the only way to “cure” autism is to prevent it through genetic testing and abortion, i.e. eugenics. This is another reason so many of us fight against a cure. The world is telling that our existence is so terrible that they would rather we didn’t exist at all. Never mind all the great thinkers throughout history who were most likely autistic. Never mind all that autistic people have contributed to society. Never mind our humanity and worth as people. The difficulties of being autistic do not give others the right to decide we shouldn’t exist. 

There are autistic people who want a cure, and those people are entitled to that opinion. It is not my, nor anyone else’s place to tell them how to feel about their own disability. However, the majority of autistic people do not want a cure much in the same way that you likely wouldn’t want to be “cured” of being yourself. 




About Jon’s explosive reaction people have argued for and against it being out of jealousy over Sansa. I personally think Jon’s entire reaction was half conscious and half sub-consciuos. Again, the deep love Jon and Sansa have for one another is consciously framed by their awareness of being half-siblings - it’s their “explanation” (justification) for why they feel so close and attached. Even if they perceive the awkward sexual tension on some level, they would never consciously pursue even the thought of having “romantic” feelings for one another. Until they know that they do not share the same father, which will be such a huge game changer, I can’t wait for it! 

However, Jon’s reaction is still over the top, even for a loving brother. It’s a very, well, primal “male” reaction, if you get my meaning. And by that I also mean that it was an unconscious and completely *uncontrolled* reaction that came from somewhere deep down within, some place that is yet unexplored and hidden. Context is so relevant in Game of Thrones, just to keep track of everyone’s motivations and what drives them. We see everything between Jon and Sansa now through the lens of their being half-siblings (or think so anyways). If this were not a factor at all, if Jon was like Theon, a warden of House Stark or something, all their interaction we saw so far, every romance trope, every lingering look, everything would be *clearly* interpreted as romantic and a majority of viewers would concede that they will likely end up together…

The revelation of Jon’s parentage will change the entire context of the Jon/Sansa relationship and dynamic into something like this. They will still be cousins, but it will change the way they perceive each other. And the one person, besides Bran, who I think knows the real “context” in the show already is Littlefinger. If he thought Jon was *only* a concerned brother, we would not see the cogs in his mind working like they do when he steps out of the crypts. 

If you desire (I hesitate to write love because it’s Littlefinger and he never loved anyone but Cat) a woman like Littlefinger desires Sansa - to the point that his obssession with her mother has shifted to her - then you are consciously aware of your (sexual) rivals. Jon’s reaction is only that of a jealous lover seen within the *right* context - and Littlefinger has the context to identify it as such. 

He looks at Jon as if he suddenly sees him clearly for the first time. He knew who he truly is before — but (as other posters have pointed out before) now Littlefinger knows what Jon truly wants, the only thing he truly wants - he knows it even *before* Jon will know it on a conscious level himself.

And that’s why he now sees Jon as a rival, because he knows that Jonsa is a *real* possibility. 

It is in fact exactly like that LF quote from the books others have brilliantly pointed out: “And when you know what a man wants  [Jon: nobody touch Sansa, Sansa safe, Sansa happy] you know who he is [Jon: the Targaryen prince] and how to move him [Jon: literally anything to do with Sansa]”

Polaroids (G.D)

Summary: You and Grayson go on a random little adventure in the middle of nowhere in his hometown.

Word Count: 1,877

Warnings: None.

A/N: I should be sleeping, because I have to work tomorrow, but instead I’m looking at these pictures from their photo shoot with Bryant. I’m literally so IN LOVE with this photo shoot! But anyway, I felt inspired to write a cute little imagine. So enjoy guys ❤

for my baby @4odolans // @cassmoreiraxo because she loves sunflowers 💛🌻

Reader’s POV

“Gray, do you even know where you’re going?” I asked my boyfriend.  

Grayson and I are currently driving around New Jersey, and I have absolutely no idea where we were going. We were just hanging out at his parent’s new house, when he had this sudden urge to go on an adventure. I swear it’s literally almost impossible for him to just stay still.

“Just enjoy the ride baby girl.” Grayson says, resting his right hand on my thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze.

We ended up driving on a long open road, with nothing but wide-open land on both side of us. We were passing train tracks, old buildings, farms, and every once in a while, we would see a few buffalos in one of the fields. Being the wannabe photographer that I am, I took advantage of the beautiful scenery. I let down the passenger window and started taking pictures with my new Polaroid camera that Grayson surprised me with a few days ago.  

Jersey was beautiful, I see why the boys love it here. Yes, LA’s nice, but there’s something about Jersey that just captivates you. We continue driving on the long open road, with Kid Cudi blasting through the speakers. I would take a few pictures of Grayson as he was singing and dancing along to the music.  

“I take it you like your new camera?” Grayson asked, turning the radio down a bit.

“I love it! Thanks babe!” I said, leaning over the console and giving him a peck on the cheek.  

I notice Grayson slowing down the car. He came to a complete stop, and parked the car on the side of an empty dirt road.

“Why are we stopping here?” I asked confused.

“You’ll see.” He said, as he unbuckled his seat belt. He grabbed his keys from the ignition before getting out of the truck.

I got out the truck, and followed behind Grayson as he started walking along the dirt path in front of us. We continued on the path for a bit, with me stopping every other second just to take a picture. As I was bending down taking pictures of some pretty flowers, I heard Grayson talking to himself, but I soon realized he was recording a Snapchat video.

“She literally stops and takes pictures of everything.” Grayson said laughing, as he was recording me.  

I playfully stuck out my tongue at him.

We made up this small hill, and the view was incredible. It was as if I was looking at a Vincent Van Gogh painting. I tried to take a picture, but Grayson grabbed my hand, and started running down the little hill, pulling him with him.  

“Grayson, slow down!” I said laughing at my boyfriend. It was cute how excited he gets whenever he’s outdoors.

We finally slowed down, and stopped in front of this huge sunflower patch.  

“Aren’t sunflowers your favorite type of flowers?” Grayson asked with a cute smirk plastered on his face.

He was right, they were my favorite flowers. I loved them!  

“Wait here.” Grayson said, then quickly disappeared into the patch of tall yellow sunflowers.

I did as I was told, and waited for Grayson outside the fence. After a few minutes, he appeared with a sunflower that was cut down to a little over half its original length in his hand. He walked back over towards me, and handed me the pretty bright flower.

“Aww babe, it’s so pretty!” I said, sniffing the flower.

“You’re pretty. ” He said,as he bent down, giving me a kiss on my forehead.

Grayson grabbed my hand once more, and we walked into the field. I was in awe at how tall the flowers were. I mean I’ve seen sunflowers before, but they were just normal size flowers at the store. These sunflowers on the other hand were huge. They were almost as tall as Grayson, but definitely taller than me.  

We got to the middle of the patch and of course, Grayson takes out his phone to snap a picture, but I didn’t mind. He puts his phone away, and entwined both his index fingers with both of mine, rested his forehead on mine. He started to lean in for a kiss, but I removed my fingers from his, and took a step back, causing him to pout.

“If you want a kiss, you have to find me.” I said, as I started running off into the sunflower field.

“Do you realize how short you are?” I heard Grayson say from the same spot I left him in.

“No kiss until you find me.” I sang, hiding a few feet away from him.

I looked between the stems on the sunflowers, and I could see Grayson trying to look for me. But he was going in the wrong direction, so I figured I’d help him a little.

“You’re cold.” I said. He turned around and started heading in my directions.


“Colder!” I laughed at my boyfriend struggling to find me.

“All I wanted was a kiss. But I guess you rather play hide and seek.” He said, walking back in my direction.

“Can you find me now?” I said, as I threw my arms high over my head.  

I figured I had tortured him enough, so I decided to help him out. Hopefully my short arms would reach over the top of the flower.  

I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. I put my arms back down, and went to get my phone out of my back pocket. Opening up my phone, I saw that I had a notification from Instagram, so I went to the app to open it up.

( not my picture )

@GraysonDolan: “Lost my girlfriend in this here sunflower field. Can you guys find @YourInstagramName?”

I double tap on the photo, and looked in between the stems to see if I could see him, but he was no longer there. I was about to call out for him, when I felt two familiar strong arms wrap around my waist.  

“Found you.” Grayson whispered against my ear, making the little hairs on my back rise up.

“I believe I’m supposed to get my kiss now, right?” Grayson said, turning me around to face him.

Once I turned around, my eyes met with his hazel ones. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and pulled his head down so our foreheads touched. He kissed tip of my nose, causing me to giggle a bit, and after a few seconds, his soft pink lips connected with mine, and I felt the butterflies in the pit of stomach. No matter how long we’ve been together, I still get butterflies every time we kissed.  

We pulled away, and Grayson took my hand in his walking us out of the sunflower patch. We continued on the same dirt path that led us in here, having random conversations, me taking pictures with my polaroid camera, and Grayson recording me on snapchat every time I do.

“Yo Bryant, you better watch out. You got some competition here.” He said, as he was recording me taking pictures of the sky.

Ever since I started dating Grayson, I don’t think there has been a day, were I haven’t been in the middle of the woods, somewhere. He was so in touch with nature, and the outdoors. Both him and Ethan. They both love to be out in the middle of nowhere. And I can see why. It’s so peaceful and relaxing whenever you’re away from everything and everyone.

We ended up walking through a small corn field, and there was a random ladder standing up against a tree. Being the wannabe photographer that I am, my amateur photography skills kicked in, and I decided to climb on the ladder and take an overview picture of the field. Grayson notice me removing the lens from my camera, and started to laugh.

“What?” I asked.

“I’m surprise that thing hasn’t ran out of film yet!” Grayson said, shaking his head. I rolled my eyes at him playfully, and asked him to hold the ladder as I climbed on.

I got onto the 7th step of the ladder, and asked Grayson to hand me my Polaroid camera. As I reached for it, I couldn’t help but admire how good my boyfriend looked from this view. The sunlight hit his tanned skin perfectly. His muscles showed through his white t-shirt as he was holding the ladder up. He looked so good. Everything from his define jawline, to his cute little button nose, even the mole on his chin. My boyfriend was literally a masterpiece.  

“Are you going to take your picture babe?” He asked, breaking me out of my thoughts.

“The corn field suddenly isn’t that interesting.” I said, as I held the camera up and started taking pictures of Grayson.  

“What are you doing?” He asked smiling.

“Do you have any idea how good you look right now?”

“Way better than a crusty corn field!” I said causing him to laugh.

I took a few shots of him while he was laughing, and he told to stop.  

Yeah, how about no.  

“Take one hand off the ladder, and put it down.” I said, trying to tell Grayson how to pose.

“Baby, I think you got enough pictures today. Plus, the sun is in my eye.” He tried to get himself out of taking more pictures, but it didn’t work.

“Do you talk back to Bryant when he shoots you?” I asked, causing him to roll his eyes playfully.

He did as I said, and removed one hand from the ladder, and kept it back at his side. He kept shutting on eye because of the sun, but it didn’t matter because the picture still came out perfect.

“Thanks for being my model.” I said getting on my tippy toes and giving Grayson a kiss on the cheek.  

“Might have to let you do our photo shoots from now on.” Grayson said laughing, as he was looking at the polaroids.

The sun started to set in the horizon, as we were in the car heading back to the house. I’ve seen sunsets before, but they’re nothing compared to this one. I turned around to reach in the back for my polaroid camera, then turned back towards the windshield. I went to take a picture, but my camera made a hissing sound.

“You ran out of film didn’t you?” Grayson asked as he was laughing in the driver seat.

I nodded my head, and put my camera back in the backseat. I felt Grayson’s hand tracing small circles on the inside of my palm, before grabbing it, and locking his fingers with mine.

“We can get you some more tomorrow, before we go.” He said.

“Where are we going tomorrow?” I asked curious.

“You’ll see.”  

anonymous asked:

Leonard snart x reader? Maybe some angst that ends in a happy ending of fluff and smut?

Sorry I took so long to get this done for you sweet anonymous human. There’s angst and fluff. Not really a smutty story, maybe a little titillation. Hope you like it if not I can try again.

Warning wise I’d say hints of an abusive ex. Hints of possible murder


Broken Door

      Huddled in an alley behind a dumpster, you had hoped your ex-husband hadn’t seen you. How was he able to find you? You scream when hands grabbed you.

     Familiar hands, friendly hands. “Wake up, kitten.” You stopped screaming. “You are having a nightmare.” The soothing sound of your friend’s voice. “Calm down or you’ll hurt yourself and me.”

     “Len?” He was so close to your face. Leonard looked concerned. “How’d you  get in?”

     “You were screaming. So I let myself in.” He was still in his parka, he and Mick must have been up to mischief. “I sent Mick to buy you a new door.”

     “You broke my door?”

     “As I said you were screaming, I let myself in.” What he didn’t say was that he was worried. But it was there in his tone. He took off his coat and and hung it on the doorknob of your closet door. Leonard sat down on the bed and sat quietly a bit before speaking, “He won’t ever hurt you again.”  

     You never asked what they did to him to make him leave. In the back of your mind you knew he was dead and that your friends had something to do with it. “I know.” You wrapped your arms around Leonard needing that human contact, he tensed up.

     Leonard was never really a hugger, he was hesitant about returning the hug. But he didn’t want you to pull away, so he pulled you into his lap and hugged you close breathing in your scent, committing it to memory. You were suppose to be his, he let you slip away and you came back, but he kept hesitating. “You never should have been with him, (y/n).”

     “I know that, now.” You whispered softly. You were where you wanted to be for so long, but even now his holding back was frustrating. “I’m not broken, Len. You won’t cut yourself on my sharp edges.”

       Leonard let out the breath he seemed to be holding. “Never said you were broken, kitten.” You pulled back slightly, letting him see your face. His eyes saying everything his voice wouldn’t say. “I won’t let anyone take you away from me again.” The words left his lips and you kissed him. He ran a hand through your hair, then took control of the kiss. Feeling lightheaded you broke the kiss.

       “Promise?” A whispered question as you shifted in his lap causing Leonard to moan involuntarily.

       “Yes.” he knew better than to do such things, make promises, but he couldn’t refuse. You bit your lip and Leonard leaned back in to steal another kiss. His soft chuckle as he realized you were trying to undo his pants, “What are you doing, kitten?”

       “Helping you get comfortable.” You tugged at his shirt to free it from his pants.

       “Should I help you?” That amused look on his face when you nodded. In one swift move he pushed you off his lap back onto the bed. You had let out a little yelp when he did that, “What other cute little noises do you make, (y/n)?” Leonard yanked off his shirt.

        “Pants, too.” he chuckled at that.

        “Seems a bit unfair, me stripping down while you keep on your clothes, kitten.” He let his pants fall to the floor.

        “Then come take them off me, Len.” You let out a squeal when he jumped on the bed. You tried to roll out of reach but he was too fast for you. Giggling as he straddled you to keep you from escaping.

        Leonard reached down and slowly started unbuttoning your top, “No Bra?” He arched an eyebrow at you. He shifted so you could sit up, slipping off your shirt, before pinning you down. “Do you really want this, (y/n)?” That hesitation again.

       “Do you, Len?” You bit your lip again, afraid he’d pull away. He seemed to make up his mind because he brought his lips close to your ear, the warmth from his breath caused a reaction in your body.

         “I’ve always wanted this, kitten.” gentle kisses along your neck, gasping when he bit your neck, it wasn’t a hard bite, just enough to elicit the response he desired to hear. “Do I keep going?”

         “Please.” Just one word and he used a hand to lightly caress along your ribcage slowly inching it upwards until he cupped one of your breasts in his hand. Leonard ran his thumb over a nipple watching as it stiffened with each pass of his thumb. He did the same to your other breast, smiling at the little soft whimpers you made.

         He captured your lips again, he pinched a nipple and you let out a yelp that was quickly swallowed with his kiss. His tongue sliding against yours as he let his hand trail slowly down your chest, coming to rest on your stomach. You wanted his hand to go lower, “Should we keep going, kitten?” Leonard asked as he broke the kiss, you nodded. “Words.”

        “Yes.” The word barely audible. That hand slowly sliding below the waistband of your panties. And then there were footsteps, Leonard rolled off you pulling the blanket over you as he glanced around looking for a weapon.

       Mick stopped in the doorway, “Got the door.” He glanced at the scene before him, “I’ll go wait out here then.”

       “Yes, you should probably do that.” Leonard said flatly. “Close the bedroom door as well.” Mick shut the door, you could both here him chuckling as his footsteps faded. “Damn.” Leonard let out a sigh. “Raincheck?” You sat up letting the blanket slide off you, giving an innocent smile, Leonard didn’t even bother to look away. “That’s not very nice, kitten.” He grabbed you, pulling you close so he could kiss you, running his hands through your hair, deepening the kiss as you wrapped your arms around his neck, your breasts pressed against his chest.

      “You need to go fix my door, Len.” He pulled away reluctantly, “you can sleep here tonight.”

      “There won’t be much sleeping tonight, (y/n).”

       I hope that’s a promise.” All you got was a smirk as he left the room.


Kick-Ass Chicks: Photographer, Sam Desantis

When it comes to capturing moments that give you all the feels, Sam Desantis has it on lock. The way that Sam captures raw moments in time and turns them into nostalgic memories is insanely inspiring. We can’t get enough of her moody “blue” photos and can’t wait to see SXSW through her lens as she captures the festival as a guest blogger for Vans Girls. Follow along all week on the Vans Girls blog and Instagram and get lost in Sam’s photography…

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

why do you think svtfoe has white savior undertones???

firstly, id like to thank you nonnie for being so patient, this was kind of a busy week for me with school work, charity work, and regular work, ah the joys of being 17.

secondly i want to reiterate that i do not think these undertones are at all intentional, after the Le Fou incident I think it’s a pretty safe thing to assume that Disney isn’t always as sensitive to minority views  and feelings as they are to white middle America

thirdly, if i overlook anything 2 things to keep in mind: i am white and financially well off so everything i see and interpret will inevitaby be filtered through that lens, and i am not a huge fan of SVTFOE (i do not care for the voice acting or humor style of the show)

and now with that said:

Star vs. the forces of evil is a show produced for the 12-14 demographic, with enough rainbow colors and princess themes to maybe attract a number of younger children as well, but after a quick google of the show’s official merchandise…

^this being the only piece produced thus far

…leads me to believe that disney is content to sell this to a near exclusive pre-teen demographic due to the lack of dolls so far produced, which is fine.

With that established, as a show aimed at perhaps the most angsty of the demographics, SVTFOE has heavy themes of rebelling, social awkwardness, coming of age, etc.

Now Disney is not new to the whole ‘rebel princess’ trope and in the past 2 decades have used it to only further their unmovable grasp on the wallets of parents across the world,

Originally posted by celebratingmagic

…some less successful than others

however Star vs the forces of evil goes a step further in implying that not just the ruling family’s treatment of the princess, or one ancient law or old royal family tradition is problematic, but that the entire structure of the kingdom it’self is inherently unjust

not only is the majority of the kingdom shown to be impoverished while the royal family lives in magical corn brought luxury, but the kingdom is shown to have been built on stolen lands ala America colonization…

…with the native people monsters being so devastated by the white people mewmans troops, magic, and smallpox blankets that the show literally refers to the event as the trail of tears- “the great monster massacre” with the present day kingdom segregating and oppressing the monsters to such an extend there is literally an entire episode dedicated to the monsters trying to steal corn from the kingdom bECAUSE THE LAND THEY LIVE ON IS INFERTILE AND THEY ARE ALL LITERALLY STARVING 

so, we have a racist classist kingdom with a hot topic centric princess as the lead, what’s the problem

the problem is that the show literally holds her up as being the destined savior of natives monsters despite being one of the single greatest benifactors of the conflict

not only, but Star is also held as the show’s morality center, with monsters who rightfully hate her labelled as ‘evil’ while the good monsters are those that conform  to and revel in the idea that they have done and can do nothing to help themselves and that Star is their only beacon of light…

.subtle, real subtle disney

…all while remaining completely passive to the liberation narrative at large, the show also has this weird emphasis on both blameless segregation (everyone just forgives eachother and doesn’t acknowledge the show’s established centuries of injustice and everyone becomes friends and live happily ever after) and the idea that both monsters and mewmans have wronged each other easily due to the presence of what i can only describe as a monser centric terrorist group…

again, real fucking subtle disney

….that seem to be comprised of no more than 20 monsters at any given time, and yet still placed on equal footing as a massacre, displacement , segregation, and strategic starvation.

now lets compare SVTFOE to a show very similar in both central conflict and themes, Avatar the last airbender

now is it fair to compare SVTFOE to avatar? no. is it fair to compare anything to avatar? fuck no

but like SVTFOE, Avatar focuses on a pre-teen in a pre-industrial inspired setting who lives in a world where the ruling race has destabilized and massacred the remainder of the population, except by means of war and no colonization. However, Aang is not the son of the fire lord, nor is he even part of the fire nation at all, in fact Aang is the last member of his tribe due to genocide at the hands of the fire nation, he is the part of the group that has lost the MOST due to the status quo of the show. Hell later on Avatar even acquires a fire nation main character, the reformed zuko, an angsty teenaged prince who is still learning magic and despite being at odds with his family still fights to maintain their status,

sounds an awful lot like another character huh?


Man of the moment on mancandykings: » Colin James Farrell

“For me, a lot of it is about loneliness. I think a lot of our lives, in ways that seemingly are unrelated or obscure, are lived through the lens of trying to avoid loneliness at all costs. People stay in relationships longer than they should because they just can’t stand the thought of being alone. We can’t control everything, but we have more of an ability to have a say in our destiny, and in our happiness, than a lot of us explore.”

[BTS x Forest Fairy!AU] Taehyung

Keeper of Birds and Raptors Kim Taehyung 

Find Keeper of Streams & Waterfalls Min Yoongi (here)
Find Keeper of Rabbits & Deer Jeon Jungkook (here)
Find Keeper of Trees and Roots Park Jimin (here)

  • has the mindset that he too can fly,,,,well glide,,,,,well he’s just really good at jumping from tree to tree so he’s like ‘this is my inner bird power’
  • his pet black vulture that always accompanies him is basically his best friend and he tells it just about everything
  • and although the vulture can’t talk back, taehyung, as the protector of birds, can understand through sounds what the birds are communicating 
  • that or maybe it’s the fact that his vulture will peck at him annoyingly to tell him it wants him to stop doing whatever it is he’s doing
  • and it is hilarious, he’ll literally get into arguments with the vulture like if he’s running around chasing deer or something and falls face forward 
  • the vulture will fly off his shoulder and perch itself on a branch and taehyung will be like ‘thANKS for abandoning me buddy’ and then he’ll be like ‘don’t give me that look - don’t you dare laugh at me’
  • like he treats the vulture like a human it’s really endearing
  • the other birds all like to flock around taehyung when he’s sitting up high in the branches and eating and he’s like ‘guys go get your own food!!!!!’ but he’ll share if he has bread or something 
  • will 100% recklessly hurt himself to save an egg from falling out of a nest or fighting off a hungry fox that might pick on a wounded bird 
  • he doesn’t wear any heavy clothing, his clothes are worn out and loose so it is easier for him to move around and climb trees. he wears a single feather earring from his right ear that came from the tail of his pet before the vulture that died when it was shot down by a hunter
  • usually taehyung wouldn’t wear feathers but this one is meaningful to him
  • his feet and arms are all scratched up from climbing up bark and his hair is always a mess because his vulture will land on top of his head just to be a little teasing
  • but he really cares about all the animals and even makes friends with Keepers jungkook and jin who both protect different species and you know he, like all keepers, wishes there would be less hunters but unlike the others taehyung sets up traps sometimes to catch hunters off guard and scare them from the forest
  • the other keepers are always like ‘taehyung you can’t keep risking our exposure like that’ and he’s just like im not,,,,,,,,the birds set up those traps and it’s like ,,,,please but taehyung is just like pointing to his vulture like ‘he did it! i swear!’
  • and you know you’re not a hunter, you’re actually an avid bird watcher who comes by the forest to see if you take photos of any new birds you haven’t seen before
  • and a lot of the time you just wander around with your camera, taking photos and making notes
  • taehyung doesn’t really know of you until one day he hears a lot of birds are flocking to one area and he’s like ,,,,,did one of the hunters leave feed out as bait again 
  • and he climbs one of the trees to try and get a better lookout when all of a sudden the vulture leaves his shoulders and swoops down to where you’re sitting
  • and just as you turn to get water from your backpack, the vulture grabs your camera with its talons and flies back over to taehyung
  • and taehyung catches it and examines it and he’s like ??? is this a new hunting device??? what is it 
  • and he’s turning it this way and that way and dangling it by the strap and you’re looking up at him like mY BABY THE CAMERA NOOO i spent thrEE MONTHS of my money on that
  • and you’re like jumping up and down, shouting and waving your arms for taehyung to notice you
  • and when he finally does he jumps down from branch to branch, your camera swinging around his neck as you bite your lip in terror, and when he lands in front of you
  • he gets right up and close - almost to the point that your noses are touching and he’s like 
  • “explain this to me. what does it do?”
  • he holds up the camera and you’re like ?!?!?!?!? what is this boy 
  • and you’re like “i-i-it’s a camera ,,,,,it takes pictures?!?” and taehyung furrows his eyebrows like “pictures? what is that?”
  • and you’re like ,,,,,,,,how does he not know what pictures are ? 
  • but nonetheless you turn to pull out your album from your bag to show him, but all of a sudden he wraps his arm around your wrist and jerks it back and he’s like “hunters like you shouldn’t be here, don’t bring these things into the forest - stop hurting the birds!”
  • and your eyes widen and you’re like “hur-hurting? but im not a hunter-”
  • and taehyung narrows his eyes like “don’t try to trick me, ive been the keeper of birds in this forest for a longtime - i know a weapon when i see one!”
  • and for a second you process what this random, wild boy is saying to you and you search his face - the scratches on his cheeks, the feather earring, the vulture pearched on his shoulder and you’re like,,,,keeper,,,,,keeper of the birds,,,,,,,,,,, “yo-you’re a forest fairy?!?!”
  • and taehyung steps back a bit and he’s like “i am, now tell me - what is this, why are you here, which birds are you hunting?”
  • and you’re so mesmerized because WOW you’ve only heard of the forest fairies from books when you were a kid and rumors around the villages near the woods,,,,,,you never thought they were real
  • and if he was a fairy - where were his wings?? or did he not have any??? and before you know it you’re looking at taehyung from every angle in wonder
  • until he finally puts the camera back in your face and he’s like “explain.”
  • and you’re like “ok, but let me take something out of my bag - um - um whats your name?”
  • “taehyung. it better not be a weapon, my vulture can attack on comma-”
  • and you’re like waving your hand like “no no no, see im not a hunter - im a bird watcher!!!”
  • taehyung once again gives you a quizzical expression
  • “bird,,,,,,,,watcher?”
  • and you pull the album with all your photos out and open it up, showing it to taehyung and you’re like “look!! this is my sparrows page, and this one is my eagle one, and here we have blurry photos of mockingbirds -”
  • and takes the album from you and he’s like “what are these?”
  • and you’re like “pictures!!! i take them with that ‘thing’ called a camera!! it’s not a weapon, it doesn’t hurt the birds!!”
  • and you smile at taehyung and he kind of looks over you again and he’s like thinking to himself that,,,,,you know you don’t LOOK like a hunter - you’re not wearing that weird printed clothing and you’re obviously not holding a gun,,,,,and all the ‘pictures’ of these birds ,,,the birds are alive
  • and he also notices that,,,,,you’re much cuter than the average hunter LOL with smiling eyes and pretty looking hair tucked behind your ear
  • his vulture pecks at his cheek and taehyung side eyes the bird as to scold it because no shuttup i wasn’t staring!
  • and you’re like hmm?? and taehyung scatters for an excuse and goes “s-show me how the camera works?” and you’re like “ok!!! here let me take a photo of your pet ^^”
  • and taehyung hesitantly hands you the camera, which you thank god didn’t break while he was swinging it around, and you bring it up to focus the lens on the bird
  • and with a click that makes taehyung twitch you take a photo and then excitedly turn the camera around to show taehyung
  • and he leans in, squinting and then his eyes go wide and he’s like “it’s!!! him, it’s him on my shoulder!!” and you’re like “YES!!! isn’t he handsome?”
  • and you look at the photo which clearly shows the vulture, perched on taehyungs shoulder and you are talking about the bird but then you look at the photo and then back to taehyung who is leaning on your shoulder a bit to see the photo
  • and you hadn’t noticed in the flurry of the moment, but his slightly tanned skin and high bridged nose,,,,,an accentuated jawline,,,,,,and long eyelashes all make him,,,,,,quite handsome too 
  • and before you know it you become conscious of how close you two are standing but when you scoot away, taehyung pulls you into his side again so he can be closer to the camera and you’re like hdlglgd,,,he really is a fairy he has no sense of personal space like normal humans,,,
  • and taehyung finally pulls back and he points to the photo and turns to the vulture like ‘you’re not so bad looking after all, look -’
  • and you’re like “does the vulture understand you? can you speak to birds???”
  • and taehyung looks at you with a half smile and shakes his head like “i can’t speak to them, but after living among them it’s really easy to understand what they’re feeling without words”
  • and you look at how obvious the close relationship between him and the bird is and you just smile to yourself because it’s,,,,,one of the cutest things you’ve ever seen,,,,,,,
  • until taehyung breaks your concentration because he picks up your bag and is like “is there anything else thats cool in here??” and you’re like hEY don’t go through my stuff without asking and you pull it back and taehyung gives you a shy grin and you’re like
  • frick he isn’t just handsome he’s also adorable what the he c K
  • but you sit down and taehyung sits beside you and you’re like “this is my notepad, i write things about birds here, this is some water, this is a pair of binoculars -”
  • as soon as you take them out, taehyung asks if he can see them and you pass them to him and immediately he looks through the wrong lens and is like “everything is so small??” and you’re like “the other way around!!” and when he turns them around it’s like,,,,,,taehyung has seen a  whole new world
  • and he’s up, looking left and right and spinning around and the vulture flies off his shoulder to instead take a seat beside you and you’re like FREAKING out because this is the closest you’ve been to a vulture and you’re like omgomgogmogmmog i need to take photos
  • and for the next hour you and taehyung sit there in the meadow and you tell him about how you look for birds and how you take photos
  • and taehyung is like “the next time you come, find me and i can call over some of my friends so you can take photos ^^”
  • and you’re like friends? and he’s like the birds!! and you’re like omg i would love that
  • but as it is getting dark you have to go, but you feel bad just leaving so you  dig out your binoculars and hand them to taehyung and you’re like
  • “it’s a gift - since you promised to help me the next time i come and let me take photos of the vulture, take care of them ok?”
  • and taehyung lights up like a child and jumps up and down and then suddenly
  • he leans in, pressing his lips to your cheek and pulling away like “that’s how humans express happiness to one and other - right??” 
  • and you’re touching the skin where his lips met and you’re blushing like omg,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
  • and the vulture pecks taehyungs head, again like he’s scolding him and taehyung is like wHAT i was saying thank you
  • and you’re like “!!!! ill be um back soon i have to run now BYE”
  • and taehyung spends the rest of the week sitting up in the branches, looking through the binoculars that you gave him and thinking about you
  • and it’s weird usually he doesn’t like the humans he meets - mostly because they’re hunters or backpackers who leave garbage all around 
  • but you’re,,,,,,,,,you’re different
  • you like birds for one,,,,but also you seem so,,,,,,so warm to taehyung 
  • “my first human friend, what do you think?” he asks the vulture as he’s hanging off a branch and the vulture just flaps its wings and taehyungs nodding like “i agree, i like them too.”
  • and you do come back, about two weeks later and you don’t even have to search for taehyung he comes jumping down from between the leaves like some flying squirrel and lands on his feet right before you
  • and he’s like “you took too long!!! c’mon let me show you some of the other birds we have here-”
  • and he takes your hand without hesitation and you’re like kdfgsahf once again he’s got no idea of personal space but you don’t mind you like,,,,it
  • and he pulls you through some bushes off the hiking track and you don’t notice because you’re lost in taehyungs babbling about birds
  • and he’s like “here’s the nest of a sparrowhawk - look at how small the babies are!!”
  • and he shows you all the spots where birds live and unlike before where they’d just fly away if they heard your footsteps, with taehyung they just safely land on his hand or on his shoulder
  • and sometimes their talons leave scrapes and you’re like !!!!! band aids- but taehyung just licks the wound and keeps going and you’re like ???
  • but he really amazes you it’s like he /is/ a bird the way he hops from branch to branch as you stand bellow in wonder, the way he seemingly understands what the birds are saying, and the way he brushes off any kind of pain from his climbing or from thorns and has no fear of going up to the top of the tallest trees
  • and you get tired way before he does, but taehyung is like “one thing before you go!!” and he takes your hand and he’s like “here, hold this”
  • and in your palm there’s a baby sparrow and you’re like omgom g o H Y g od,,,,,,,,and taehyung is like “aren’t they soft?? they’re so tiny!!”
  • and you’re in a state of shock because you. are. holding. a. baby. bird.
  • but also you can’t stop smiling and taehyung all of a sudden, takes your camera and is like “let me take a photo!!”
  • and he’s clumsy with the lens, but you don’t care, you hold the bird in your hands up and taehyung mimics what he remembers you did and you hear the snap
  • and it’s,,,,,it’s a moment that you can never forget
  • and when taehyung successfully leads you back to the hiking track he leans down again, brushing his lips against your cheek because he tells you, you made him so happy today again!!
  • and you’re like sdhsd but you lean in to and kiss his cheek, taehyung jumping a bit and making the feather earring he wears brush your own cheek
  • and you’re both turning a lil pink but say goodbye
  • and this happens pretty often, even in winter, when you lug a blanket with you because you have the suspicion taehyung doesn’t own one
  • you come and watch the birds with him and taehyung is never short of being entertaining and fun
  • and he gets into the habit of holding your hand from the minute he meets up with you to the minute you have to leave
  • and the vulture becomes comfortable with you too, even shifting over to sit on your shoulder and you’re always like ,,he’s a bit,,,,,heavy
  • and taehyung is like i knOW imagine having to deal with him all the time
  • and for the hundredth time you see taehyung and his bird get into an argument of words and squawking that always leaves you laughing 
  • and when you ask taehyung about the feather earring you see him get serious and emotional
  • and he tells you the story of his old pet bird, an eagle 
  • and how it was shot down for its feathers but taehyung had set up a trap that had caught the hunter off guard before he could get to the body of the bird
  • and taehyung had recovered it, burying the bird beside the tree where taehyung had found him as a baby
  • and taking only one feather of his to remember him by
  • and taehyung mumbles that he never cries - really, only this memory makes him tear up
  • but in a matter of seconds he’s back to his happy self jumping around and climbing up the nearest tree
  • and he gets ,,,,,,,sweeter tbh
  • like he picks berries for you before you come and collects things you might like like flowers
  • and you always thank him and taehyung gets shy but touches his cheek and you lean in to kiss it
  • but the vulture sometimes beats you to it and pecks taehyung and taehyung is like nOT YOU !!!! 
  • but you just laugh and one day taehyung has to drop you off again but you dig around in your bag and pull out a flute
  • and you’re like “i tried to get good at it, but i can’t - i think you might like it?? and the birds will to??”
  • and you hand it to him and taehyung brings it up to his mouth and almost like he’s magically always known how to play, a soft melody comes out that gets followed by chirps from the birds in the trees
  • and you smile and look at taehyung like “se-”
  • but then you feel something press to your lips and your eyes are wide when you notice that taehyung is ,,,,,,,,,kissing ,,,,,,,,,you
  • and when he pulls back he bites his bottom lip and is like “humans,,,,,when someone makes them happy,,,,but,,,,,more than happy they do that,,,,,right?”
  • and you’re like shocked 
  • but you nod and taehyung grins wide and takes something from his pocket and it’s a feather - not like his a bit smaller
  • and he’s like “here, i don’t like when people wear feathers - but ,,,,,you,,,can,,,,,,,if you want,,,,,”
  • and you take it, thanking him and taehyung says he’ll see you soon
  • and when you get home you string the feather onto a thin piece of leather and make a necklace 
  • that when you wear when you see taehyung makes him smile so bright it looks like it hurts and he tries to lean in to kiss you again
  • but the vulture sticks out his wing to slap taehyung against the face and then flies off when taehyung starts to nag at it
  • and you can only laugh,,,,,,,

anonymous asked:

who is pete wentz writing songs about?

mikey way. okay, here we go.

so, in the summer of 05 is when most people think it started because fob and mcr played warped together, but, they had also played the year before and thats when i think it started. as many know, pete single handedly wrote the entirety of from under the cork tree, which was released may 3rd of 2005, which means he had been writing some of it the previous summer. most of the album is quite cheery, depicting the emotions of someone who is battling some darker force within themselves, but is also experiencing a happiness from someone else they dont think they deserve or should have (short version: an emo is in love). also, theres the parallel between dance dance and favorite record- dance dance depicts a literal and emotional dance, and then in favorite record you have “i cant remember just how to forget the way we danced”. so, based on research and educated opinion, i believe that the petekey fling started in 04.

then, the next summer both bands were again picked for warped, which only intnsified the relationship. after weeks of spending excessive time with each other and attending each others shows, the media took notice. in an interview that summer, when asked about it he responded “me and pete wentz arent dating. we are both heterosexual males… sort of… maybe… umm… next!”. on may 16, 2005 mikey was spotted at a fueled by ramen show watching fob at house of blues wearing a white jacket that allegedly belonged to pete. a few days later, pete posted a list on live journal of things that get him hot and bothered. on taht list were a.having a crush on a person i speak to nearly every day and b.white denim jackets….

on tuesday, june 28, 2005, pete posted the following on livejournal: “Amazing New Mexico sunset. im hanging on a bridge with my friend mikey from my chem. its all orange and pink above us. we went to another water park again. i love high fives again. totally back in love.” on july fourth he posted an entry that ended with “hot and miserable but totally back in love”. on july 15 he posted “Though I am over hearing your thoughts on haircuts and pants. I’m over us trying to be perfect tens for your little eyes. We don’t care what you think of us. Listen to a song and time your heartbeat. Let it be okay to fall asleep slow tonight. Think about a good friend. Think about god. Think about death. Think about someone elses hand clumsily on your belt in the dark. Think it will be okay. No more rants. No more poetry. Not tonight. True love for the believers”. on july 17 he posted “wrote you a goodbye note (you just wrote me off) on your arm when you passed out. bestfriends, exfriends- better off as lovers not the other way around. racing through the city in the back of yellow checkered cars. the takeoffs are the worst but the skin from your shoulder to your ear makes it all worth it. and im sorry the way my moods flicker on and off like old light on your porch, but i know you wouldn’t have it any other way. sneaking in your window instead of out. the way you hold a cigarette cause you don’t know what to do with your hands when we are sitting this close. the way the waists of pants feel better at the ankles. the way you always were my best excuse for calling in sick on everyone else. i miss you”. which later became the song bang the doldrums, which was origionally titled summer of like (pete mentioned this in a rolling stones interview), which is now what fans call the relationship between pete and mikey in 05.

during that summer, fans claimed that mikey and pete didnt want to be photographed together, which is kind of suspicious…. but there are a few circulating the internet, and quite a few of mikey wearing clandestine (petes clothing line). at this time it was also common for fob and mcr to trade band members, mikey would play bass for fob so pete could take his mic into the crowd. pete also frequently watched mikey play with the stupidest smile on his face….

there are also fan reports of them being seen together. “ at my warped date i got there early in the morning and hung out by the fob bus because i wanted to get a pic with patrick and around 10 am the door opened and a very tired looking mikey stepped off with pete right behind him and they appeared to be holding hands until they saw the people around and they both refused to have their pictures taken together ”. and “during Fall Out Boy’s set (they were one of the closing bands that night) they dedicated one of the songs to Mikey, who was watching from the side of the stage. Pete said, “This song is about revenge. Right, Mikey? Revenge!” Mikey smiled and nodded, and during “Grand Theft Autumn/Where is Your Boy” he mouthed along to all the words.”

pete also posted at one point “i wish you were my bass, not just my friend”. on august 19 he posted “ Warped tour was fun. Since being home I remembered that showering and sleeping are fun too. My real feelings on the sunburst bass. I loved that thing. But then it started cheating on me with mikey way. I had to hit it. Its not my fault- spousal abuse is an ugly thing. I’m in therapy that includes playing lots of warcraft online. Writing messages on your arm for someone to see at a show is the new away message - stealing peoples real diary is the new livejournal”.

on september 4, pete posted “on the getaway car, the rush of blood to the head: it’s strange to find myself again back at the feelings of the blue cover after going through the red and the gold. its kind of always like that. i am sorry if i am not making any sense. but everybody likes to take chances and make bets. i always put my money on the longshots. and no matter where my head was in the world i always dreamed of waking up next to the biggest brown eyes i have ever seen/’meandyouunderneaththehoneymoon’. “go back to what it meant back then”: and you imagine yourself moving deep into the summer and disappearing, and for me it was always with you. and then things got crazy. you stopped calling me back. i stopped trying to call but not in my head. and then you got malicious but i’m guessing only because you learned from the best- take back your taste and all. i never thought it would be just me again. but that’s okay. we’re gonna hole up and wait it out. i feel like i can see for the first time, like i was born just in the last minute. wake me up. baby boy, you’re gonna be okay. hearts between our knees sticking to the summer sheets. are you catching my drift…. its gonna be alright. your love would be hell but its just not hot enough baby.” (Note… baby BOY)

after petes nudes were leaked, hey chris wrote him a public letter which contained the following: “you know the friends i have and you know how we feel about loyalty. you know who im talking about and you know they’re not happy either.” and shortly after chris posted pic of him and mikey saying he’d “found new love”

the summer of 06, peter once again had some interesting things to say. on july 7 he posted “im so sorry, but not really. (‘straighten up and die right’) i said i want to be rebuilt like a frank lloyd wright only without all of the water damage. or painted over like a monet only less blurry. she said “no, youre something different”. like what? “something better”. it gave me the rush of warm blood like you see in cartoon dogs right before their eyes pop out and all of the bells go off. my head is spinning like a car off of an icy guardrail. show me what you are made of. your eyes were always rolling but youd tilt your head so they were somehow always still stuck on me (have your cake and eat it too). i feel safe but not like a bet more like the way mothers feel when the lock the car doors in bad neighborhoods. i am blue waves across the red rootlike veins in the bodies drawn flat in medical books. i wonder at the way that someone can write thousands and thousands of pages about my insides. when i met you i gave you a name- not your own- but in my head so i wouldnt ever mix you up with anyone so ordinary- i cant tell you- but to me it meant salvation. you only wanted reaction. but i cant be bothered. not anymore. ill see you in the spring. first pew on the left. wear your white veil and dont forget the words. warped tour. sun drenched days. bestfriends. new roads. so long salvation. dont worry your pretty little heads. i am sleeping safe tonight.” then the next day, on the 8th, he posted “the fraternal order of the handsome boy. ive been watching you from afar. my breath on the inside window as you walk in from the carcandy caned lies in red and white against clashing patterns bending in and out of understanding. ”youre the stranger ive been dreaming of”, stranger than any ive ever known. love through a telescopic lens. when the air is clear i can see how perfect you are for me. late at night when the city sleeps i cast a spell on you to make you think of me the very same way i think of you. i only love how the words feel in my head when i write them. fireworks over the valley. how can i tell you i gut people for a living. that everything you say is likely to end up as evidence when i rewrite history. over and over again. how everything you do reminds me of something else, someone else. how i get paid to be humble and arrogant at the same time,to be chased and never caught. that i just want to stay up late and wake up early to talk to you. that i want to show you all of my jealousy and insecurity and have you not care. youre like a light switch and i just want to turn you on and watch them all shrink away. the words come out of my fingertips on impulse. it is instinct. my head cant keep up. i envy the comatose. i admire the bedridden. i am addicted to the way i feel when i think of you. ”im blowing smoke rings around the moon….” i wish i was the exact opposite of how the world knows me.”

then, there is infinity on high, which is basically completely about mikey (especially bang the doldrums, because it was born on live journal right after that summer of like…) and ab/ap, due to the constant reiteration of a past love, my favorite being fourth of july with “you are my favorite what if, you are my best i’ll never know”

also othe fact that neither of them can hold a true relationship with women without it ending badly. perhaps because there is someone out there that they are simply destined to be with…. 

so yeah. pete wentz writes a lot of his music about mikey way.

A Dance to Forget

Intro: So this is my first “ficlet” for my 1,300 follower Night Writing celebration! This one is for @outside-the-government and @iregreteverything

This one is with the setting Patching Each Other Up and the prompts “I swear you could trip over your own shadow.” “My shadow’s a tricky little bastard.  It likes to see me fall to its level.” and “The sun hasn’t even come up and you want me to do what now?”

This one took me a long time to settle on an idea.  I was jumping around fluffy things and angsty things and dramatic things but finally settled on a mix of all three and I hope you like it!

Pairing: Bones x reader

Word Count: 2,700 (yep not a drabble or a ficlet)

A/N: I so desperately want to call this one “Dance With Me” (you will see why when you read it) but I already have a fic called that so I named it this.  


"Well I think we can put that down in the book of rough nights.” You slumped onto the couch next to Leonard, landing heavily. 

“You can say that again.” Len’s gruff voice agreed as he tilted his head back against the couch. 

You exhaled, reveling in the soft pillows and the fact that you were actually able to sit down for once in the last 20 hours.  The couch was located in a tent that served as Leonard, the CMO’s, office, but it contained little more than a makeshift desk, a chair, and this couch that you had found in an abandoned building.  Real flame lanterns were set up around the room, ‘actual lights used too much electricity' engineering had said, and the warm light cast flickering shadows throughout the dark tent.  You liked it.  It felt cozy. 

The crew had set up camp on a planet that was under siege, and everyone had settled into their roles that they normally had on the ship, but just planet-side.  So medical, like you and Leonard, had set up a make-shift medbay, sciences were in control of the food and any unknown species you came across, command was in charge of everything, and engineering kept everything running.

In the past week you had operated on over 20 patients, and you knew Len’s surgery count was even higher.  The fact was that you were both exhausted.  

“Want me to take a look at that shoulder?” Len nudged your foot with his and you turned your head to look over at him, too tired to even lift your head off the back of the couch. 

“Only if you let me look at that gash on your cheek.” You reached up and drew your finger just below the cut, and it made Len wince. 

“Sounds fair.”

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AOS Fic - In Darkness, Part IX

Originally posted by lasheeda

For @gracieminabox

In Darkness chapter index

Warnings: Same ol’ same ol’.

McKirk, ‘cause it’s always McKirk

But often faltering feet
Come surest to the goal;
And they who walk in darkness meet
The sunrise of the soul

~ Henry Van Dyke

The days slip past. Jim can hardly distinguish one from the other anymore.

Honestly, he doesn’t care.

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quirky-idealist  asked:

If you're still doing the prompts: "I can't move on from something that wasn't supposed to end!" Coldflash

Wow, this one got away from me. I could literally write a whole series based on his. 

Moving On

The last person Barry had expected to be knocking on his front door was Leonard Snart. He stared, wide-eyed, at his ex-husband, unsure of what to say.

           “Hey, Bare.” He smiled, like the past four years hadn’t happened, like they hadn’t gone through so much hurt and pain. “Sorry to drop in like this, but…”

           Barry slammed the door shut. He didn’t want to see Len. How had he found them? They were supposed to be hidden. But a foot blocked the door jamb. “Scarlet.” Len called. “I just want to talk. Whatever you think, this isn’t it. Trust me.”

           And how dare he. Barry threw open the door angrily. “No!” He scowled. “You don’t get to say that. You don’t get to call me ‘Scarlet’ or ask me to trust you. Not after everything you’ve done! Now, go away, or I will make you.”

           Len just rolled his eyes. “Barry, look at me! Really look at me, and you’ll know whoever did those things wasn’t me.”

           Barry didn’t want to look at Len. All it would do is make him angry, make all those ugly feelings come back. But he forced himself to raise his eyes to his ex-husband’s face. At first, he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be seeing. Then, he noticed his hair.

           It was salt and peppered, but the gray hadn’t quite taken over his head. His skin was smoother than the last time Barry had seen him. His eyes were sparkling in a way Barry hadn’t seen in years.

           This wasn’t his Len. This was some past version, still on his travels in the Waverider, long before everything in their lives fell apart. He steeled himself.

           “When are you from?” He forced himself to ask. He didn’t really care if Len was from the past or the present—he didn’t want to see his ex—but he knew that the quickest way to get rid of him would be to cooperate.

           “2017.” Len answered, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets. “Is it possible to talk about this somewhere other than your front stoop?”

           No. Barry didn’t want Len in his house. He didn’t want them around…

           He shook his head, pulling the door closed to block sight into the house. “No, I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

           A look passed over Len’s face, like he was ready to argue the point—of course he was—when loud footsteps came barreling down the stairs. Shit.

           “Dad, dad, dad!” He turned to see Michael, Joseph, and Elise were all running towards him.

           “What did I tell you about running down the stairs?” Barry scolded, accidentally releasing the door so it swung open all the way.

           “Dad, Joseph used his powers!” Michael tattled. His other son pushed him.

           “Did not! He’s just mad that I won battleship! Ask Ellie!”

           His youngest, however, was staring at the open doorway. “Daddy!” She grinned, running straight for Len.

           Len, for his part, was frozen in shock as his future five-year-old daughter wrapped her arms around his legs. Michael and Joseph both froze, as well, their eyes wide with fear. Unlike Elise, they were both old enough to remember what their father had done, what he continued to do.

           He laid a hand on his eight-year-old twins’ shoulders. “It’s fine, boys. It’s not really him.”

It would be too hard to explain to his sons that this version of their father was from the past, that there was a time when Barry believed in the goodness in Leonard Snart’s heart, and Len had been a hero. All they remembered was the Secret Society of Super-Villains; Len kidnapping them and Barry under the guise of “protecting them” from Lex Luthor and the rest of the Society; holding them for almost a year against their will; Barry risking everything to get them away; the battle between the Justice League and the Society in the streets of Metropolis, where Len shot Barry down in anger and nearly killed him.

This wasn’t that Len, though. This was the one who sent him flowers with secret notes, who fought to protect time, who woke Barry up with kisses and stayed up with him when his nightmares were too much.

Elise held her arms up. “Up, Daddy. Up!”

Len shook himself out of his trance and, without hesitation, scooped his future daughter into his arms. His eyes lit up, and Barry’s heart broke. There was never a doubt in his mind that Len loved their children, or even that he loved him. He had no idea what was to come for them, though.

“Come in, I guess.” Barry stepped to the side, and Len walked inside cautiously. Len wasn’t dumb, after all. He was almost certain that he’d noticed the way Michael and Joseph stepped quickly out of his way, putting Barry between them. Elise rested her head on Len’s shoulder, though, and that made Len smile.

“Why don’t you three go back upstairs and wash up?” Barry suggested. “Dinner’s almost ready, and Daddy and I need to talk.”

Michael and Joseph nodded, backing slowly towards the stairs to keep Len in their sights. Barry could’ve swore frost covered the banister where Michael touched it. Len sadly placed Elise back on the floor.

“Daddy, are you staying for dinner?” She asked hopefully. Michael and Joseph paused on the stairs, both looking to Barry.

Len sighed. “I’m sorry, Doodle Bug.” It’d been so long since Barry heard that nickname, but Elise’s face lit up. “I have some friends who need my help. I just need to get something from your Dad, and then I have to leave.”

Elise’s face fell, and Barry could tell it broke Len’s heart. Then, she flashed forward and wrapped her arms around Len’s neck.

Barry heard a faint, “I love you, Daddy” before she zipped away again, past her brothers and up the stairs.  

“NO RUNNING ON THE STAIRS!” Barry shouted after her. He grabbed Len’s arm and pulled him towards the kitchen. Without sparing a look at his ex, he grabbed his oven mitts and took the baked chicken he’d been preparing out of the oven.

“So, what do you need from me?” He asked, heading for the fridge to pull out the salad he’d already prepared.

“What happened, Scarlet?” He barely heard Len’s whisper, and, when he turned, he was staring around at their house with awe and sadness. “Why am I not here? What happened between us? Why are our children afraid of me?”

A loud crash echoed through the kitchen. The plate Barry had been holding was snapped in two in his hands, his knuckles white. “They are my children.” He growled. “You don’t get to call them yours, after I have had to raise them by myself for five years!”

That familiar Snart anger flared, and Len rounded the kitchen island. “And why? Why did you take our children from me? What did I do that was so bad?”

Barry flinched when Len stepped into his space. He remembered those nights, locked away in that lair, that his Len would come home tired and angry, and Barry would be wound-up and irritated from being more or less held prisoner, and they would have a fight. He remembered the way his husband would crowd him, scream at him, bully him.

Len jumped away, though, horror in his eyes. “No…” He shook his head as he backed away, putting the island between them again. “I didn’t…I….” He stared down at his hands. Barry frantically shook his head.

“No. God, Len, no. You never put a hand on any of us. I mean, outside of the beating you gave me when we fought as Cold and the Flash after everything was over, but that was work. You never would’ve laid a finger on me or our children, Len. Never.”

“But I did hurt you.” Len squeezed his eyes shut. “I hurt my family. I know that fear in our sons’ eyes. They thought I was going to hurt you, or them. What kind of father was I?”

Barry sighed, turning his attention back to the dinner he was preparing. “Len…you shouldn’t know too much about your own future. But, for the record, I don’t think you were a bad father. Maybe you didn’t make the best choices, and maybe you weren’t the best husband all the time, but everything you did was to protect us. You just took everything way too far.

“Just…” He licked his lips and shrugged. “We just all have to move on. I’m trying to move past this, your future self needs to move past it, and you just need to…forget about it. Forget about all of this and move on.”

Len threw his arms in the air. “Barry, that’s crazy! I can’t ‘move on’! How am I supposed to forget all of this? I can’t move on from something that wasn’t supposed to end!”

Barry chuckled humorlessly. “You know, that’s exactly what you told me the last time I saw you, when I told you that it was over. But for you, this isn’t over. You still have your Barry in 2017—you are together, aren’t you?”

Len nodded.

“Good. We’ve had our bad times, Len, but I would never trade our good times to stop them. They’re what keeps me going. Well, them and our little meta monsters upstairs.”

A warm smile grew on Len’s face. “What can they all do? I mean, I know that Elise is a speedster, but what are the boys?”

“Joseph can read minds, and Michael makes ice.” Barry grinned, and Len laughed. “What did the Legends need from me?”

Len frowned, confused.

“You know, your mission?”

“Right.” Len cleared his throat. “The tachyon device that Thawne used as Harrison Wells. We need it to fix the time drive, so we can travel back to 2017.”

Barry remembered it well. He motioned for Len to follow him out of the kitchen, and down a set of stairs that led into a basement-turned-lab space. “Cisco made this for me after we moved here. I can’t go to places like S.T.A.R Labs or the Watchtower since…well, since what happened, because someone might track me and find us. So, we had all of this put here, instead, and Cisco opens breaches every now and then to visit or bring us stuff.”

No more Flash. No more Justice League. No more CCPD. He’d had to restart his entire life, but at least his Len couldn’t find him or his children.

He headed for one of the work tables below where the tachyon device was displayed. He pulled it off the wall and handed it to Len. “I’ve always loved you, Len.” He whispered as their fingers brushed together. “I want you to know that.”

He wanted to kiss Len, to feel those lips against his one more time, but he knew that his time with Len was over. He needed to move on. They both walked upstairs, and Barry walked him back to the door.

“I’m sorry.” Len sighed. “I’m sorry for what I did to you, whatever it was. I promise, I will try my hardest to prevent it.”

There were no words to express what Barry was feeling—the hope, yet disbelief that anything would change. So, he just nodded. When the door closed behind Len, it was like a weight raised from his shoulders. He leaned his head against the wood for a second and took a deep breath.

“Kids, dinner is ready!” He called as he straightened himself up and headed for the kitchen. He knew it would take them all a few minutes to get downstairs, enough time to compose himself. When he stepped into the kitchen, though, a drawling voice stopped him in his tracks.

“It’s about time. I thought he’d never leave.”

Sitting at the island, dressed in his long black coat with his cold gun raised, was Len. His Len. Fear shot through Barry’s body. “How did you…?”

           Len chuckled. “Memories are a funny thing, Scarlet. Like, when you suddenly remember your past self finding where your family is hiding out. The exact address.”

           He rose from his seat and slowly walked over to where Barry was paralyzed in place. “You can kill me, but please don’t hurt them.” He whispered, not sure what Len was planning.

           Len, though, just tilted his head, stepping calmly into Barry’s space. “Oh, Scarlet…” Barry resisted the urge to flinch as he raised a hand to his face, brushing his fingers against Barry’s cheek. “I’m not here to kill you. Why would I kill you or hurt our kids? I love you.”

           Without lowering the cold gun, he leaned forward and brought their lips together. Barry hated himself for wanting the kiss. He indulged himself for only a minute before turning his head away.

           Len sighed. “I’m going to make this right, Bare. You, me, and the kids are all going far away from here, from the Justice League, from the Society, and no one will be able to find us again.”

re rich being bi and representation in bmc

i’ve been seeing some discourse regarding rich’s bisexual representation and i wanted to throw in my two cents on the matter.

for those of you that don’t know/haven’t heard, in the final scene of be more chill (musical) rich comes out to jeremy in a sudden moment of realization in the hospital. 

the discourse is that this is poor LGBT representation and it’s terrible that this was only mentioned in the end, and the fact that it is only referenced in the end and never again means that it isn’t good LGBT rep. there is some truth to this, i agree with certain points, but i also don’t think that that specific set of lines is meant to be the Token Good LGBT Representation Moment in be more chill. in my opinion, people aren’t seeing it the way it was supposed to be written.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I'm actually so jealous that so many people are willing to help you with your thing, but it takes months for me to even get a 5 dollar donation on my thing. How do you do it? I need help I'm desperate

i don’t really know since it’s my first time creating an account like this? i suppose it depends on three things: how big your goal is, your purpose and what you offer in return? for instance, if your goal is 100$ then it’s much easier to achieve and everyone pitching in would feel like they are actually making a difference even if their donation is 1-5$, you know? if your goal is 1000-2000$ then it’s a different story. in terms of why you’re doing this - i personally donate when it involves either someone’s health or someone’s personal project like when i want to support someone’s art because i really enjoy it or it makes my life better. i genuinely believe that artists deserve financial support for all the content they create. and in terms of what you offer in return - if we’re taking my ko-fi as an example then i don’t really need this microphone solely for my own purposes? i want to use it to make asmr videos that could potentially help other people relax and go to sleep even if they’re stressed or upset or feel alone.

talking about money on tumblr is difficult so i get why it can be so frustrating - in the hp rp community no one expects anything from anyone else because we are all here to meet cool people, have fun and just share this common passion for the hp universe. but it can still be quite demanding? in the past couple of months i found myself having anxiety over a thread i was supposed to film because of certain expectations and pressure. i found myself being anxious over people demanding i answer their asks when i have more than a thousand in my ask box. at some point i was so stressed by people being disappointed when i didn’t post anything for a week or two that i didn’t even want to go to this website for a while. i’m not saying that rping became a job and everyone should be paid - all i’m saying is that it does require a lot of energy and time to make threads and videos of decent quality so if some people wanted to support my project in return for all that spent time and energy then I would be very grateful🌿 I know that we all come from different backgrounds - to someone 3 dollars is nothing while others use every spare coin to pay for rent. so there might be different reasons as to why your fundraising page isn’t doing very well but then again - you’re saying that A LOT of people are supporting mine while in reality it’s just 4 people?) so you’re seeing everything through a magnifying lens because you are upset…I don’t have all the answers but i do hope that it all works out for you in the end, don’t give up 🌱

The Future: Fetal Consciousness, Family, & Faith

I started this thinking I just had little tidbits to add to an array of other metas for this episode that I’ve read and really enjoyed, but it seems to have basically become its own thing (yay, me, writing meta).  Hopefully somebody reads it and cares? Maybe? Eh, maybe not, I’m really not sure what I’m doing here on Tumblr. But look at me making some original content (it’s really a blue moon thing).

To clarify, I’m not disagreeing with really anything I’ve read, but rather these are thoughts inspired by what I’ve read and also some, “Yes, but let’s also think about this,” or “Oh and did you know?” and of course, “Didn’t anybody else notice _____?” Full disclosure, at one point in my life I was seriously considering becoming a Doula.

Fetal Consciousness

I’m a mom. I’m also really, really into natural childbirth and giving babies and kids the best start possible, so I birthed my son on my knees, unmedicated, like the stubborn Taurus that I am. In the months leading up to his birth I practiced hypnobirthing techniques, attended classes, and read a shit ton of books. One of my favorite topics to study during this time was fetal consciousness. Most of their awareness is mediated by the mother’s reaction to her environment via the language of hormones. For example, if the mother tends to get upset, agitated (releasing stress hormones like adrenaline, cortisol, and exhibiting physical changes like racing heartbeat, heavier breathing, shallow breathing, and the like), when speaking to a particular person, the baby associates that person’s voice with negative feelings and can be born with an aversion to that person. Bottom line, fetuses know what’s up, to a certain extent in their own limited way, and especially the closer they get to term. So yeah, it’s totally reasonable to assume that baby “hates” Dagon as much as any fetus can hate someone, because she keeps upsetting his environment and flooding him with very negative, uncomfortable feelings via his mother’s reactions (by the way, how are we sure it’s a male child?).

Obviously, the further along a fetus is, the more consciousness it has (more senses are on line, more cognitive function, etc.). So, according to Sam’s calculations the Nephilim gestation period is about 23 weeks, rather than 38 weeks (the medical community uses 40 weeks, counting from the mother’s last period usually, but she’s not pregnant those first two weeks, unless her cycle is really a mess). Basically conception is LOTUS 12.08 on 12/8/2016 (they’re clearly going with this for simplicity’s sake) and the due date is this season’s finale, 5/18/2017. So, if the baby still has trimesters, the first 8 weeks is first trimester, the next 7.5 weeks is the second trimester, and the last 7.5 weeks is the last trimester (more time is usually given to the first trimester because of the false two weeks at the beginning and just to be cautious; whatever, this is how I’m doing it, my meta, my rules).

So, Kelly is 3 weeks from being due and therefore more than half way through her third trimester (3 weeks to go out of 7.5 weeks). Or the human pregnancy equivalent of about 35 weeks pregnant (in the idiotic 40 week pregnancy schedule, because remember the first 2 weeks aren’t real *sigh* this makes me crazy) or 5 weeks away from being term in a human pregnancy (technically 3-5 weeks from term, because once you hit 38 weeks, they’re like “any day now is fine!). This baby is just about ready to pop, lungs are bit behind, but would probably be fine landside, with proper care (might needs some time in an incubator or other lung support), with no super major risk (definitely not ideal, but not terrible). So when Dagon makes fun of Kelly for believing that baby saved her, I think she’s wrong.  Even before doing all this math, it rang untrue to me. The baby doesn’t really need Kelly anymore, he’s supernatural, he’s almost to term. So why did he save her? I have some ideas, we’ll get to those. Kelly feels it was care or love or something equally benign or positive. But I really don’t think it was to save himself. Though it is nice and comfy and safe in there, so that could be a motivator; again on a very rudimentary level. Like: “ack, home is failing! Bring home back online!” and this child just happens to have the power to make that so.

Infants have no sense of self. Mom and baby are one to baby. Baby is hungry = the whole world is hungry. Mom takes care of baby = Mom is the whole world. It’s really basic. It’s all senses and need and relief when needs are met. And sheer terror when they are not. Babies are wired for survival. They just scream and cry until they get what they need; or burn out and give up when they don’t get what they need in a reasonable amount of time, and that’s horrible and fundamentally changes their brains in really bad ways. They’re cute as fuck, so we care and don’t kill them or leave them to the wolves. They can root around for a nearby nipple and flail, but that’s about it at the beginning. So I don’t think this baby has any diabolical plans. It just wants to feel good and avoid pain. So, think of everything you see it orchestrate through that lens: feel good/avoid pain. Basic. Fundamental.

But what if the baby is supernatural? Or has supernatural powers, but in all other ways is still just like a human infant? This gets tricky. Is this child human+powers or something else entirely? Our good guys seem to think human+powers, but Dagon seemed to think the child would be pure evil, utter destruction, especially with proper support and guidance (“I’ll be there, right by his side, to nurture him, love him, help him to kill … everything.”) Or maybe the suggestion that the baby needs guidance in being evil is actually a crack, maybe it’s not a given.

You, Me, Baby Makes Three (or Family, Family, don’t forget this show is all about Family)

Lucifer mocks Dagon. Apparently they were supposed to be an evil little family once the baby is born, raising up the little hellion together to wreak havoc.

However, the baby seems to be orchestrating an entirely new family unit: Kelly (if she survives or if someone is able to revive her, which seems plausible), Castiel, and baby. This is an obvious parallel. Not sure if Kelly will make it, especially since in the parallel Lucifer is pretty clear he really doesn’t care about Dagon and hadn’t actually intended to come through on his (implied?) promise (surprise, surprise, father of the lie and all that, why does anyone trust him?).

So, getting back to fetal consciousness: How much is the baby really aware of? How is it choosing it’s actions? I personally still default to the basics: feel good/avoid pain, beyond that is all speculation and I’m not seeing a ton of evidence for much more. That baby fucking hated Dagon for upsetting Mommy which upset its peace. 

Baby Power Up #1: Womb brought back to life so baby doesn’t have to leave happy place sooner than necessary, even though baby could probably survive just fine on the outside by now. 

Baby Power Up #2: Kelly has vision of Cas killing Dagon. 

Baby Power Up #3: Cas does indeed kill Dagon; nuisance to baby’s peace managed. AND Cas has mystery vision of the future (So what else needs to happen to keep baby happy/feeling good or help baby avoid pain? I don’t know, maybe wipe out baby-daddy, since he’s part of the “evil family” model that’s upsetting Mommy/womb environment).

Castiel & Kelly

I think Castiel really resonates with Kelly when she tells him about her suicide attempt (or foiled success as the case may be), because it’s something he himself has struggled with. She seems VERY intuitive. Like she is aware of exactly what to do to get his attention. I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing (she’s pregnant and motivated to do whatever she needs to). I’m just identifying a gift that she seems to have. I also think she genuinely likes him and feels bad for running out on him in December.

The Pulse: When the baby brought her back it was felt in heaven. This was some major power. I’m assuming it was somewhat like what was felt when the baby was conceived. Like an earthquake rippling through the angelic/heavenly realm and felt by the angels.

Kelly insists that the power that revived her felt, and IS, good. I’m inclined to trust her instincts. Pregnant women are on it. They KNOW things like the true animals that they are. There is nothing more blatantly animal than carrying a child in your womb and it helps you tap into power, intuition, senses, and knowledge you had no idea you had (and then you give birth and it’s like you’re a zombie, going from Radiant Goddess to sluggish wet-nurse with aphasia overnight, but that’s another story). Bottom line, I believe her, whatever brought her back, did it for un-evil reasons (though perhaps selfish/self-involved reasons, because that’s what fetuses and infants are, little balls of need and pure id). Of course I could be wrong, but this is my gut feeling at this time. Castiel, like Dagon, insists that the baby needs Kelly alive, see earlier in this post for why I think this logic is bogus. Kelly responds, “Maybe” to appease him and still maintain her doubt. I’m with her. But then she babbles about some “plan” and no, I don’t think so. This is all chaos. Lucifer is chaos. And God has left the building. There are no plans anymore.

Which brings me to …

Castiel’s Faith: Lost & Found

Cas takes the Plan bait and says Nope. There was a plan, I thought there was a plan, it was all just manipulation, none of it was real, we’re all just winging it, some worse than others (i.e. I suck, I cannot get my shit together, what am I even doing?). And fundamentally I’m on board with his whole little speech here (except his self-deprecation, that guy just really needs a vacation and foot rub, and maybe to do some ayahuasca or get laid or something). But yeah, no big plan, no special roles, she was just there and it just happened. I know this to be so, because this is what the show showed us in the first third of the season. Lucifer was just going crazy and creating chaos to create chaos. Totally off script and rudderless. Then boom: baby; and Lucifer pulls an “I meant to do that!” sort of thing.

Cas has been free floating for a LONG time. Angels are suppose to live in devotion to God and a special purpose and pretty much all of that got blown out of the water for him back in season 4 & 5. Since then he’s tried to make good. Tried to hold shit together. Tried to protect his humans. But often he makes things worse and he’s basically a wreck at this point. Angels need a north star. In Destiel fanfic world, Dean is Castiel’s north star. Like, Cas took his faith and devotion in God and redirected it to Dean. This does help explain some of his behavior over the last few years, but textually I think what we’re seeing in this episode is that that either wasn’t enough, or wasn’t really happening (but something else was, in my opinion, I’m not nuking Destiel here, just the Dean=God/higher-purpose for Cas idea, which is a good thing, bear with me). One last thing: remember he never got his time with God. Lucifer did, but Castiel didn’t. And Cas totally deserved it. You know that trite saying about a “God sized hole” inside of people …

Cas lays out everything the child will need if he is indeed not inherently evil, but rather just a morally neutral, but superpowerful child. Kelly pulls that “feel him kick” move (she’s brilliant, well played); this is pure magic and Cas is beguiled. Kelly gets her vision and now has a clear plan. Cas thinks she’s going along with his plan (which is actually Joshua’s plan, I’m assuming, but whatever). The Winchester’s share their new alternate plan. Meanwhile Kelly’s got her own thing going on and she totally makes it happen. Pregnant women are badass. As I’m writing this I’m realizing my total appreciation for how Kelly was written in this episode. Someone really knows pregnant women.

(When she goes to drive the Impala, I’m thinking “hope she knows she needs to press the gas a bit when she turns the key in the ignition.” Ah, old cars.)

Okay, so in the car they have the talk about faith (her faith in him, him saying don’t have faith in me, broader faith in the plan). Theme:FAITH! In case you missed it. And her “You will,” to his, “I wish I had your faith.” Ack!

Dean is right, “He’s so desperate for a win right now, he can’t see straight.”

Also, it must feel good to have Kelly express such faith in him, even if he thinks she’s totally misguided.

When the power travels from the baby to Kelly to Cas at first his eyes light up blue (normal for him) and then switch to the color of the baby’s power, yellow. This feels significant. Like his Angelness was necessary to activate the level of power needed to take out Dagon. (Later, when asked “What was that?” He replies, “That was me, but it was also *looks at Kelly’s baby belly*” so yeah, it seems both were necessary) Then he calls it a miracle when he halts Dagon, the same word Kelly used to describe being brought to life. The world miracle is inherently religious. This is all part of the “faith” narrative. Then holy fire burns up the bad guy. Very Biblical, yadda yadda yadda.

Remember at the beginning of the episode Dagon calls the baby a God and later makes a reference to Mary/Jesus. Last year God/Chuck took a leave of absence. There’s a God shaped hole in everything now really. So is this baby a new god? The new God? Castiel’s new God? While Cas is also being setup to be that God’s father figure? Wait, is Cas Joseph? This is some weird, convoluted shit. And I like it; because complexity is my jam. As is subversion of all thing Biblical and/or Christian. (Does that make the Impala the donkey? * snort-laugh * ignore me, I’m an idiot)

“I’ve been so lost. Not lost anymore. And I know now that this child must be born with all his power … I have faith.” * insert ominous “dun-dun-duunnn” music here * Cas is calm, clear, has back some of his earlier-in-the-series coolness. This freaked me the fuck out. I came away from this episode really, really, really unsettled and worried out of my mind. Though after doing all this analysis and 3 rewatches, I’m feeling a bit more optimistic. I probably shouldn’t be, but I’m really good at bullshitting and I seem to have bullshitted myself right into optimism. Well done, Rachie.

Initially I was worried that Cas had been totally hijacked and the baby probably really is evil or is at least going to lead to “very bad things.” Now I’m not so sure. But I’m still worried he’s been hijacked and that this means irreparable damage to the his relationship with the Winchesters, and of course in particular to Dean, because whether you ship Destiel or not it’s clear that his primary relationship is with Dean and that Dean is the most effected by Castiel’s various shenanigans (watch the fucking camera and their faces; I really don’t know what else to say … are you blind or willfully ignorant? And again, I’m not insisting Destiel, but just that there is something inherently different and “more” about Dean & Castiel’s relationship, than Sam & Castiel’s. Though maybe that’s just because Dean has become the emotional center of this show and Jensen has skills that go way, way beyond what you expect from an actor on this sort of show).

This season feels like a sneak attack. There have been ups and downs and hints of bad shit to come, but nothing has really felt particularly high stakes. The guys go to secret prison, but they’re the stars, so we know nothing terrible will come of it. They make and then break a bad deal with a reaper, but then there is no clarity about what the repercussions will be, so we don’t worry about that much now. But this. Messing in deep fundamental ways with the second most important relationship within the show (after Sam & Dean), feels really scary to me and I welcome the shock, surprise, worry, because: about time and well done. But please, please, don’t let this be horribly terrible in the end. Don’t shatter this forever. Let this be the deep dark before the bright light.

Okay, last thing, for fellow Destiel shippers, remember earlier when I said it’s a good thing IF Castiel does not in fact make Dean his North Star and finds something else to believe in? Because that’s fucking unhealthy in a real relationship. So, if he can find purpose that isn’t all hyper-focused on one person, while still maintaining a mature, deep, loving relationship with that other person, then THAT’S GOOD. But who am I kidding? These guys be healthy? Destiel be canon? Hahahahaha *laugh hysterically and runs wildly into the night* *whispers: “keep hope alive.”*

just ftr, life as a wlw on tumblr gets like 400 times better when you stop seeing everything through the ‘lesbians vs bi girls’ lens. neither community is more to blame. neither identity is better or more radical. 

find the individual people you agree with. build community with those who truly want solidarity. ignore the wlw who are invested in being divisive.

we should definitely call out lesbophobia and biphobia when we see it. but we should also be careful about giving too much attention to people that really don’t deserve it.