i scream you scream we all scream for ice cream!

so @powerfulweak sent me this post, proposing that  this is how Holster and Shitty make fun of Jack and Ransom - they insist that all Canadians eat their ice cream from pine cones. It happens frequently enough for the chirping to become casual and sound serious. So much so, that they manage to convince Chowder that it’s true:
”Brah, no lie. Canadians discovered that the pinecone is the perfect shape to naturally form the spiraled swirls around.” 
“They’ve been doing it with snow for centuries.”
“But how… How do they eat it?" 
"Chowder, my boy, that’s just part of growing up in the wilds of Canada; eating pines cones, fighting moose, surviving on nothing but Tim Horton’s coffee-” "Holster, STFU! That’s not true!" 
"Ransom, you’ve driven 4 hours for a cup of Tim Horton’s, don’t play that shit with me”
“… well, it’s good coffee" 

Shitty even goes as far as getting a soft-serve machine for the Haus. Chowder loses his shit when everyone’s gathered around it and Jack goes outside and comes back in with a pinecone and asks for a serving, because he’s a Canadian Troll™ (*shows Chowder an old peewee hockey scar* "My first moose fight… that guy was a scrapper.” *cue Holster barely keeping it together and Shitty having to leave the room bc Jack’s so straight-faced*)

I Scream, You Scream

After a (relatively) successful venture to the space mall, Coran was all set to fix the teladav with new lenses, Shiro was all set to make contact with their could-possibly-be-questionable-allies, and Pidge was mourning the incompatibilities of super-advanced Altean technology with a retro Earth gaming console.

But Hunk wasn’t paying attention to their gaming woes. Video games were cool and all, but this, this was way more important. He was checking over Kaltenecker, confirming that yes, she was a cow and not, like, a steer or something. She seemed healthy enough, but he didn’t really have enough experience to know.

“Hey Lance!” he called. His friend looked up from where he was comforting a weeping Pidge. “Is this a dairy cow? Does she give milk?”

“Well how would I know?”

“You said she was free with purchase, did the salesperson say anything?”

Lance had stood up and wandered over to Hunk and his prize. “Nope. Just ‘free’ and 'Kaltenecker.’ What’s the big deal, anyway?”

“Lance,” Hunk pleaded, “don’t you understand what this means?”

At the blank look he was getting, not just from Lance but Keith and Shiro as well, who were standing nearby and casually observing the interaction (Pidge was still grieving over her new console), Hunk had to lay his hands on Lance’s shoulders and shake him a little. “Just think! Milk, Lance! Fresh milk! Whole milk with heavy cream and don’t you realize what this means??”

Finally the light went on for the Blue Paladin and his eyes widened, mouth splitting into a huge grin. “Dairy foods! Holy quiznack, we can have DAIRY FOODS!”

The other humans were reacting with excitement, too, drawing Pidge into the conversation. “Cheese!” Keith suggested excitedly. But then Hunk’s expression dropped.

“Sorry, but I don’t think we have the bacteria cultures up here for things like cheeses and yogurt, but still! Imagine the possibilities!”

Shiro was still standing where he was, but his gaze had gone distant, a dreamy glaze over his eyes as he murmured, almost reverently, “Ice cream…”

Keith, Pidge, and Lance all exchanged thrilled expressions, repeating at the same time, “Ice cream!” And when they all looked at Hunk, he nodded solemnly, though his lower lip was trembling and there were tears in his eyes.

“Ice cream,” he confirmed with a little quaver in his voice.

“Does anybody know how to milk a cow?” Shiro demanded, and it sounded startlingly like his “we’re on an important mission” voice. Good grief, the guy was really serious about his ice cream.

But unfortunately there was silence from the four younger Paladins, everyone looking at each other sheepishly until Lance lifted one hand to rock it back and forth in a so-so gesture. “Maybe? When I was a kid one of my neighbors had goats. I used to visit and watch…”

“Alright Lance, see if you can’t figure out how to milk a cow,” Shiro ordered. Lance executed a snappy salute, the turned to lead Kaltenecker off the bridge while everyone else watched with the stars of newfound love and appreciation in their eyes. Then there was a loud mooing and Lance made a startled noise of pain. “Uh…Keith? Why don’t you go help him?” The addressed paladin nodded and trotted out the doors to keep Lance from being mauled by a space-abducted bovine. Their inevitable bickering faded down the hall. “Pidge,” Shiro addressed the Green Paladin next. “See what you can find out about pasteurization or whatever. Just so we know it’s safe.” She scuttled off to her station with an “Aye aye!” and Shiro turned to Hunk next. “Think you can whip up an ice cream churn with what we’ve got in the castle?”

Hunk gleefully cracked his knuckles, grinning, “Not a problem!” Then he left the bridge as well.

Allura couldn’t help but stand there and stare at this surprising interaction. She had put in the coordinates for their destination and was in the process of gently undoing the work the mice had done playing with her hair, but…

“What is 'I scream’?” she couldn’t stop herself from asking.

“The best comfort food ever!” Pidge exclaimed from her station without taking her eyes off of her research.

“It’s just a sweet treat,” Shiro explained with a smile. “Something none of us have had in a while. You’ll definitely have to try some when it’s ready!”

“I suppose so…” she conceded, intrigued, but also a little relieved to see the suddenly lightened mood of her Paladins, despite their upcoming mission. “I scream…” she murmured again.

Confusingly, Shiro chuckled and said, “You scream.”

Then Pidge gleefully piped up again, cheering, “We all scream for ice cream!”

Because I can’t ignore the temptation of Paladin shenanigans. :D I mean, Kaltenecker is a source of Earth food! Surely if anyone would capitalize on that, it would be Hunk!

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for...N2?

This was written for the @doctorroseprompts “making ice cream (with liquid nitrogen)” prompt

Ten x Rose AU

Rose helps James make ice cream for visiting school children. The secret ingredient? Liquid nitrogen!


“Are you sure about this?”

James tried not to be offended at the uncertainty in Rose’s voice.

“Of course I’m sure!” he squawked. “Been doing this every year for the kids.”

He turned back around to the group of children sitting on the gymnasium floor, having visited the university for Earth Day. Every year, the university would host local primary schools and hold a day of science-filled fun. The kids would travel in small groups through the gymnasium to listen to various environment related talks the uni students put on, and to do safe little experiments to have fun with science.

James’s station was the snack station, and the primary snack was ice cream that would be made with liquid nitrogen.

“All right, kids, gather round!” James exclaimed to the students. “Er, not too closely, though. If you could all stay behind the red line, that would be great. And get those safety glasses on!”

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