i say you let me know your real identity for that

If I get 4 assholes calling me names within 12 hours, do I count that as one new gender post I need to make? Or is it 4?

How about I say it 4 different ways.

1. Gender is not binary.

2. Non-binary genders are real and valid. There aren’t even two biological sexes, let alone genders. Don’t fucking “but biology” at me. I’m a biologist.

3. Not believing in non-binary identities will not make those identities not exist. Non-binary followers, y'all definitely exist and are valid.

4. Your gender identity is personal and nobody else’s fucking business, unless you choose to discuss it with them.

Additionally: I am here to positively affirm people who need it, not argue with people or educate them about gender. If you want to know about gender, fucking google it or go to a blog that invites questions.

NON-BINARY PEOPLE, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL AS FUCKING RAINBOW PIXIES THAT RIDE CUPCAKES INTO BATTLE LIKE BADASSES!!!

- The Slightly Aggressive Affirmer

DID Awareness: the struggle

My major upset - the reason I’m doing all of this - is because of the ignorant people doubting the existence of DID. The doubt and the stereotypes are the reasons I believe DID awareness day is so important.

When someone says to me “that’s not real” or “that doesn’t exist” - they’re not just discrediting the diagnosis, but everything a DID sufferer goes through every - single - day

Let’s begin with the daily struggle to motivate yourself to do anything other than dissociate and stay in your safe place - to not waste hours of your life staring into nothing and losing concept of time

Or that amnesia that has a constant label on you for being “ditsy” or “blonde”, “unreliable” or even “dumb”, because concepts of time can be scrambled and random pieces of your memory are missing. Can’t find your keys before work? Tough, another alter moved them to let the cat out, but you won’t know that. Be late for work/classes/exams because everything you had laid out the night before has suddenly disappeared.

How about reminiscing about the good times with your pals? Woah hold on there - there’s little-to-none of that for you. Sit with your friends as they tell you about all of the good times you apparently had. And when they ask you to recall something? You’d best think of a good on the spot response to cover up your lack of recall - wouldn’t want to make them think you don’t care about them after all.

The anxiety and frustration that comes along with this disorder really make sure your self-containment is difficult to handle. Can’t remember ending up on a train crowded full of strangers? Or sat in the dentist chair with gloves down your throat? Tough luck. Can’t freak out or cry because people will say you’re attention seeking or over dramatic. They’ll believe you’re even more “crazy” than you know you already are. Best learn quickly how to handle these sudden situations that you have no memory of. With all of that anxiety and upset you can come across as a drama queen. “Suck it up” as friends/family/authoritative figures will tell you - your anxiety definitely doesn’t want you to displease them.

Or how about good ol’ decision making. Want to go out today? Where do you want to go? What do you want to eat? Would you like XYZ? Marvel at the sudden burst of self-doubt as you have no idea what to think or say because different parts want different things - have you even had time to think about what you want yet? No? Tough luck, because an alter has made a decision for you. It’s come out of your mouth and you can’t look back now.

Not to mention the headaches and migraines, the crippling flashbacks and anxiety attacks that coincide. How about the constant push and pull of not knowing who wants what and who exactly you are. The identity crisis will last a lifetime.

Don’t remember that cut, that bruise, those empty bottles of alcohol at 3pm when you were supposed to be at work/meeting that friend/going somewhere special? Oh well - just another normal day for you. Best start trying to put the pieces back together and sort out the social mess that you’ve inadvertently made.

Apparently - none of this exists. None of the struggle that I power through every day, exists. So when someone - be it an acquaintance or a health professional, says that what I go through “doesn’t exist”, there is a very real reason why I get so angry, why I snap, why my kindness to you is suddenly stripped away. To invalidate my disorder is an insult to my daily fight with everything that I do.

And then even when these people claim they disbelieve, their attitude changes. I’m a monster, a murderer, a “psycho”, someone who is dangerous or at risk. The old “how does your boyfriend cope?” “Your poor family! How on earth do they put up with you?” spiel that makes me feel more and more worthless and undeserving every time I hear it. Would these sorts of people say this if it was physical health we were dealing with? If it was an obvious broken arm rather than a “broken” mind?

Twice now my jobs have been at risk because someone hiring me saw nothing more than the label I had. My drivers licence almost got revoked because someone flagged up a medical investigation due to my illness, for absolutely no reason other than their own pigeon-holing. Hours of my time have been spent fighting my own corner with evidencing letters and legal discussions, all the while being made to feel like because I have this disorder, I’m not worthy of driving a car or having a job. And yet, simultaneously, these are the so-called non believers, who have clearly subjected themselves to a blindfolded stereotype.

You wouldn’t tell someone with broken arm that their symptoms and their struggles do not exist (“you’re making it up! It’s fine! Start boxing right this minute!”) You wouldn’t say that they’re not worthy to drive a car or have a job or live a normal life. So how dare anyone try and tell me the same thing about DID - my dissociative identity disorder that I have to live with each and every day, likely for the rest of my life.

It is valid, it is real, and it is something I should only ever be supported by others for overcoming what obstacles I face day in and day out. Everyone with this disorder should pat themselves on the fucking back for getting through another day - you are all absolute heroes to me and my only wish is that with each day, things get a little easier.

DID is not a joke - it is not a disorder for others to make fun of or persecute. It is a real life daily struggle - it is a real disorder, and we should be supported for that.

9

Happy trans day of visibility! Although I have not come out and said “yes, I am transgender” (and this is not me saying that, either), I have been questioning my gender identity since the age of 16. It’s been a long struggle, and many days I’ve just wanted to give up or give in. When I know who I am, I’ll let you know, but in the meantime: your feelings are valid and real. Hope you’re all loving who you are, because I’m learning to. 

What she says: I’m fine

What she means: I am an lgbt ace. I am pan and nb trans and I am telling you the discourse makes me uncomfortable. It makes me unsafe. It makes me terrified. It lets me see exactly what will happen to me if I don’t toe the line. Don’t speak up. We don’t want to hear about your ace identity. We don’t want to know. We’ll show up on your posts and tell you how you wrong about yourself you are. How much you don’t belong. How much we think you don’t deserve access to life saving resources. Don’t talk about being ace. We’ll deny your lgbt identity and misgender and assume your cishet until you are forced to correct us and prove you deserve respect by explaining that actually I’m Pan and NB. By doing so we’ll force you to reinforce the idea that only ace people who have other “real” lgbt identities are worthy of respect and consideration. We’ll force you to participate in our aphobia by making you defend your right to be heard by using only the other bits of your identity. We’ll make you confirm that ace people don’t deserve a voice unless they have x, y, or z other identity.

Sit down. Shut up. Don’t talk about being a-spec. You’ve seen how we treat a-spec people darling. You don’t want that to happen to you, do you?

shehasamind replied to your post: kinda-love-music asked:How do you…

but isn’t it a bad thing if you specify a character is a trans but don’t do the same with cis characters? (unless you have a specific context for this)

Look, I know you mean well but I’m getting a little pissed off at the rush of ‘you are WRONG, trans person, let me a cis person tell you what to think’  that happened over the course of… five seconds? Give or take? 

The short answer is no. The long answer is that being trans is part of my identity, it’s a part of a lot of peoples’ identity, and that is not going to change. I don’t need to know if your character is cis. To be honest, I don’t fucking care. I need to know if there are trans characters in books. I need to know if there’s a chance people like me can actually find examples of themselves in what they read. That’s really fucking important.

I am tired of trans women being revealed by humiliating torn clothing scenes that reduce them to their genitals. I’m tired of seeing narratives of well-meaning cis people looking for signs that somewhere, somehow, the person they’re looking at might have different junk under layers of clothing because that’s all that matters and intersex people don’t exist or something. I’m tired of being able the count the number of fictional trans men on one hand. I’m tired of non-binary folks getting screwed, yet again. Just fucking say we’re trans. It’s not a dirty word, you don’t have to be scared of it. It’s literally the least you can do.

I’m sorry, I know you’re trying to figure out the best way to do things, but this isn’t helping. It’s distracting from the issue, it’s steamrolling over actually acknowledging trans people, and it sounds a bit insulting.

Now if you’re excuse me, I’m going to go punch babies–I mean, not punch babies. That. 

Agent Black

are we really surprised that Connor came out before Jude though? The Judicorn made it clear from the beginning that he didn’t like labels, and he was fair more comfortable discussing his sexuality than Connor was. I do think it’s because he had the support of his family, but it also might be a personality trait (because we know he hadn’t always have it easy), Jude is strong enough that he doesn’t care about what people think, at the point that he doesn’t like Callie’s little speech about ‘living low key’ in season one. 

Connor, on the other hand, has been raised by a homophobic father had him fearing to even utter the word 'gay’. As a gay person, it must have been a nightmare to be forced to negate his own identity, to be taught how to ‘act straight’ since before he even knew what it meant . When Connor met Jude, he was well aware of the difference between ‘acting gay’ and ‘straight’ and i’m sure that he was very endeared by the boy who could go to school wearing blue nail polish and stand up to the bullies without blinking an eye.

The point is, Connor didn’t have the privilege of discovering his sexuality in a healthy environment, and in a perfect world we would all act like the Judicorn, not using labels, not judging and never caring about what people think. Nevertheless, the world portrayed in the show is very much the real world and Connor has experienced a side of it that we all know too well. Labels are important to him because they are to his father, and as much as i wish this wasn’t the case, that same label that his father made him fear is the only instrument that he has to stand up to him.

I noticed that people tend to misunderstand Connor’s actions with ‘confusion’ and ‘playing’, and so many times Jude has been portrayed like the pining gay boy with a crush on his straight friend. In reality, Connor’s situation has been clear for a long time. Yes, Connor was questioning himself, yes, he probably wasn’t sure of his identity when he first met Jude, but for a boy raised in a homophobic environment, he’s taken pretty big steps and i’m impressed on the beautiful development that the writers have made him go through. I don’t blame Connor for having kept dating Daria, I don’t blame him for having wanted to keep his and Jude’s relationship a secret, and I am certainly not surprised that he came out before Jude. Connor needed to make it clear, to his father and to himself, that no matter what he’s been taught, no matter how much of his identity has been negated before it could fully develop, he can’t hide who he is, and who he is can be defined with a specific label that does matter a lot.