... Somehow, Still Talking About This Captain America Shit (Now With Bonus Spider-Man and Agents of SHIELD)
So now Secret Empire has revealed its Shyamalan Twist and given the readers a Good Guy Steve Rogers as well as Hydra Cap, and the kinds of dickbags who, when this whole bullshit began were dismissing people’s complaints with “oh come on, don’t you know how comics works, it’s all going to be put back at the end, blah blah blah…” are crowing I-Told-You-So’s.
Requested anonymously: A one shot where the reader has never been able to orgasm through masturbation. When Dean finds out, he offers to help.
Warning: smut, masturbation
Word Count: 2300
A/N: Hope you enjoy, anon! XOXO
“Truth or truth?” Dean asks, grinning a little sideways in that way that lets you know he’s just the right amount of drunk.
Truth or truth is the game you play when you’re both feeling a little wound up, needing to blow off some steam. You’re too old for stupid dares and too nervous for dares that might actually make you touch each other, so you settle for sticking to truths. It never amounts to anything, but you both enjoy the sexy words said in the dark as you lie together on one bed, a bottle being passed between you, like you have a life and a personality outside of monsters.
based on a dream I had, I present: a short semi-fic about Jack and Shitty and their day-long, beautiful relationship.
Basically, this is what happens:
At a kegster during their freshmen year, in which Shitty is running around being the life of the party even though he’s a freshman, Jack is also in attendance– talking to Berger and Marsh in the kitchen. Jack is there, partly to keep an eye on Shitty, partly because he is surprised by how much he does like some of the guys on his team, mostly because they had won today and Jack is in quite a good mood. Not a good enough mood that he is going to risk going into the living room where music is blasting, but in a good enough mood that he is holding a solo cup of beer and chilling in the kitchen, chatting with Berger and Marsh. He is at ease as Jack ever is– laughing good naturedly as they tease both him and each other and of course, this is when the trouble starts.
The trouble is this: Marsh is drunk and excited that Jack has actually shown up to a Haus kegster and since Jack seems to be in a good mood, Marsh decides to take a risk and ask Jack a Question. More specifically, Marsh rams an friendly elbow into Jack’s ribs and goes:
“Yo, Zimmermann, you like anyone on campus yet?”
A few months prior, that question would have made Jack freeze up. But now, Jack smiles easily (because honestly, it is a rather respectful question– “like” instead of “fuck”; “anyone” instead of assuming “girl”) and he certainly doesn’t want to get into his romantic history or lack of crushes so he smiles, shrugs, and says
“Nah, love’s shitty,” It’s still friendly and he smiles and asks Berg about his crush that the whole team knows about and that should be that.
The problem, however, is that what Alex Berger and Carter Marsh heard was not “Nah, love’s shitty,” but “I’m in love with Shitty.”
So I did the thing, and it’s stupid and terrible, but here, have it:
Bucky’s an EMT. Normal guy, just living his life, trying to help where he can. And then one day, all of a sudden, the aliens are invading NYC, and Bucky’s out there helping, right in the middle of the danger zone because of course he is.
There’s a fight going on, and a bunch of freaks in weird suits seem to be fighting the aliens, but Bucky doesn’t have much time to focus on anything other than all the people in dire need of medical attention. He does what he can to help, grabs the first metal bar he can find and fights only the aliens getting in his way, and works himself to exhaustion. Then there’s a blast, and it sends a man flying right into the wall next to him.
“Hey, you okay?” Bucky asks, rushing to help him, and though Bucky could’ve sworn the blow was hard enough to crush anyone’s ribs, he’s surprised to see the man–who must’ve been on his way to a costume party–stand up practically unscathed.
He’s got broad shoulders and a strong jaw and eyes of the prettiest shade of blue Bucky’s ever seen, and even with his face covered in soot and grime and blood, Bucky’s heart skips a beat.
For a few seconds the man seems a bit disoriented, then he finally registers Bucky’s presence. “What are you doing here?? Get out of the streets!”
“I was–” Bucky starts, and is cut off by an explosion right above their heads and a bunch of debris raining down on them, and a hand shoving him aside.
When he comes to, which is a surprise in itself, the dust has started to clear, and the man who’s clearly saved his life is carrying him as if he weighed nothing, concern in those beautiful eyes and a big, warm hand pressed tenderly against Bucky’s neck, checking for a pulse.
He locks eyes with Bucky and sighs in relief, the hint of a smile on his plush lips, but the hand remains where it is. “Hi,” he says. “You all right?”
“Y-yeah… Thank you,” Bucky replies, but he doesn’t move to free himself of the man’s arms. His stomach is doing something weird, and the man surely has other people to rescue, but for a few seconds they both just stay there, shell-shocked and staring at each other like the world around them has stopped.
Then something blows up nearby, and the spell is broken.
Carefully, the man helps him to his feet, makes sure Bucky’s in one piece, and then says, “Find shelter, okay? Stay inside.”
Bucky’s not planning to, but he can’t find it in him to tell that to this incredible man, so he slowly licks his lips and nods. Before turning around to leave, the man offers him a small, shy smile.
- - - - -
During the next few weeks after the Chitauri attack on NYC, every single piece of footage of the Avengers fighting against the aliens and helping civilians goes viral. Phone videos, security cameras, blurry pics.
The most popular, by far, is a snapshot of Captain America carrying a guy, who can be seen fighting aliens and helping people in other videos, bridal style, thumb caressing his jaw, and both looking like lovestruck teenagers.
Bucky can’t go to the grocery store or even do his job without being stalked by the paparazzi or Cap’s groupies or just random people wanting to know what his Avenger name is, and for how long he’s been dating Captain America.
- - - - -
“You’ve ruined my life!!” Bucky tells him, because of course, of course Captain America would pick Bucky’s park for his morning run. Of course Bucky’d slip on wet leaves on the pavement precisely this morning, and of fucking course Captain America would just happen to be around to catch him at just the right time. Bucky’s seeing red.
“I’m sorry,” Captain America says, and it’s extremely unfair just how genuine and how much like a kicked puppy he looks.
Christ, Bucky wants to punch him.
- - - - -
Steve’s been living in PR hell.
He’s spent the past weeks “saving” girls and boys alike from getting hit by a bicycle, or fainting, or a fuckton of equally stupid shit.
The second anyone spots Captain America, there’ll suddenly be some kind of dangerous situation going down, and someone hoping Cap will carry them bridal style to safety and maybe fall head over heels in love with them in the process.
Steve is tired and done and ready to get back in the ice for another few decades, and shares Pepper’s worries that someone might actually put themself in real danger soon.
“We should handle this before it gets worse,” Nat says. And Steve agrees, of course, but he just doesn’t know how.
“Just marry the guy,” Clint suggests.
Steve almost chokes to death on his own spit.
Clint shrugs. “Why not? Half the world already thinks you’re dating…”
“Clint, he hates me…”
“Only cause people keep pestering him about this. If you two get married it’ll be a circus, but then it’ll blow over. He can’t even do his job right now, right? So you pay the guy for the trouble, yadda yadda, then when this is over you two get a quick divorce, and that’s it. Problem solved.”
For two minutes, no one else opens their mouth. Then:
“He’s got a point…”
“Tony, no,” Steve whines.
“You saw the footage, how he was helping those civilians… If you have to marry someone, he’s not a bad candidate,” Nat says, and then smirks. “Plus, he’s cute.”
Steve already knows he’s lost this battle, but that doesn’t help him feel any better about this. Yes, he’s cute. Yes, he’s a brave and kind and smart guy. Yes, Steve could very easily pretend to be married to him for a while and yes it’d help them both. None of that’s the problem.
The problem is that he kind of really likes the guy.
Let’s start with this –
I am not the witch Pope. I cannot speak for the witchcraft community
as a whole; only for my own tradition.
5 Things I Believe
Beginner Witches Should Ask Themselves
Note that the answers to these things
will change, but that a firm grasp of the answers at any point in
your practice may be helpful to you. I recommend actually writing
your answers down, and every now and again check back and see if your
stance has shifted.
1. Is magick real?
If yes, then what do you mean
when you say, “Magick is real”. (Do you mean that you can effect
reality with your will, intent, and energy? Do you mean like, Harry
Potter real? What will disappoint you to realize might not be
probable? What will inspire you to realize you can accomplish?)
2. Where are your lines? (What do
you firmly believe is true/false, right/wrong? Violence, doing harm,
controlling others, etc. Would you punch someone if they threatened
a friend? Would you curse someone if they threatened a friend? What
would you do, if your coven head told you it was right but you felt
it was wrong?)
3. What are you looking for in a
magickal path? (Pro Tip – no one has all the answers and there is
no one right way.)
4. What are you prepared to do in
order to accomplish your goals? (How many spoons do you have to give
this practice? Can you devote one night a week, are you going to
randomly pick stuff up on Tumblr, are you going to leave society to
pursue your studies under a waterfall, etc.)
I recommend that no one make any oaths
or vows in their first year of practice. Get to know yourself, how
you feel about magick, and what you actually want to do before you do
any big commitments. (Historic anecdote – this is what the original
year and a day was for.) More strident, but still personal,
recommendation: if someone tries to get you to oath to them within
your first week of being a witch, run.
Things People Should
Tell Beginner Witches, But Often Don’t
1. Don’t be afraid to change your
2. Don’t throw good energy after
bad by continuing to do something that isn’t right for you.
3. Don’t be afraid to continue your
education, even if that means learning something that was right for
you before is no longer right for you.
4. There is no one right way to do
this. There is no Witch Pope - there is no dogmatic enforcement of
the path to being a witch.
5. There are absolutely as many
assholes in Paganism and witchcraft as there are anywhere else.
Don’t think that these people are all spiritually enlightened beings
who mean you well and who will give good advice.
6. Yahoo Answers
is not your friend. You have the internet – which has access
to both all of human information and all of human misinformation.
Look for credible sources. Anything that seems too easy or too good
to be true probably is. Work on critical thinking.
7. Try Scholar.Google.Com over
“this article says so on Patheos.com.” Seriously, recently an
article on there claimed Friday the 13th was a sacred
holiday in goddess centered pre-Christian Paganism before the
patriarchy ruined it. There is no
historical validation for that, but a bunch of witches reblogged
it. (Things you learn from scholarly sources rather than the latest
poorly edited Llewellyn mess: the Burning Times didn’t happen,
different kinds of Pagans warred amongst themselves long before
Christianity came onto the scene, there was no great unified Pagan
religion before Christianity, and Gerald Gardner was probably lying
about almost everything he said.)
You Should Probably
Learn the Difference Between Paganism, Wicca, and Witchcraft
What is Paganism?
Pagan is an umbrella term for a member
of a religious, spiritual, or cultural community, other than those of the main world religions, so:
Non-Abrahamic – it is not Christian,
Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, or Mormon
Non-Eastern – it is not Buddhism,
Hinduism, Taoism, Sufism, or Sikhism
Theistic – The belief in some kind
of divine power, which is sometimes polytheistic (a belief in more
than one god), but not always
Some Pagans practice witchcraft –
others do not.
This definition isn’t quite right, though it’s in hugely common usage, because there are Abrahamic and Eastern
persons who consider themselves Pagan. Keep in mind that there will be
exceptions to this definition and that those exceptions are valid.
There are also secular Pagans, so it
isn’t even always Theistic. I know – it’s complicated. Though this is the largely accepted Academic definition, it doesn’t really work when applied to the real world, if you’re considering someone saying, “I’m Pagan” as a self-identifying definition, which I do.
Wicca is a religion. Most people
consider Wicca as falling under the Paganism umbrella, although not
all Pagans are Wiccan. Not all Wiccans are witches, and not all
witches are Wiccan.
Wiccan is generally defined as:
Dualistic – There is a God and a
Pacifistic – Wicca has a rede that
requires Wiccan do no harm to themselves or others, though not all
Wiccans (such as those who follow Doreen Valiente’s suggested
guidelines) are Pacifistic, so there are definitely exceptions to
Earth-based – Having a respect for
and acknowledgment of the powers of the Earth
spiritual or secular art,
craft, and/or practice
of the witch, defined many ways by many different people.
witch is a witch who says they are one.
there is no witch Pope and no witchy excommunication because you
define yourself as a witch differently than someone else does.
male identifying and/or presenting persons can be witches.
and Witch Fallacies
There are certain ideas that most
beginners in the witchcraft community will encounter over and over
again. I’m going to run down some things – with the reminder,
again, that I can only speak for my personal tradition.
1. “You should remove all negative
influences from your life! You should purge all negative feelings! Be
positive all the time!” Not everything that is negative is bad.
Not everything negative can be avoided – we can’t all just quit
our jobs and live in a witch shack in the mountains. We have to
endure negative things, both because it is healthier to experience
the full range of human emotion rather than to ignore a large chunk
of it, and because it isn’t possible. What we should do is stop
victim blaming witches who are going through hard times and stop
telling witches they can’t be angry when they encounter something
that should be angering.
2. “But, tradition!” Just
because an affluent white guy in the 1400-1600s said something,
doesn’t mean you should do it. We don’t follow their medicinal advice
anymore; we don’t have to follow their magickal advice either.
Seriously, I don’t care if tradition says a trans woman shouldn’t
be in a sky clad ritual – that’s bullshit. We don’t put leeches
on our bodies anymore – let’s leave the past nonsense where it
3. “We have to make sure everyone
feels included and welcome!” Not
if they abuse the welcome of others, we do not. The
problem with making some people feel included and welcome is that you
make their victims feel excluded and unwelcome because you’ve made
“We have to support each other and love each other and be
a positive force in people’s lives.”
Okay, yes, in small doses, this is a great aim. It doesn’t work for
everyone (some witches are spite and malice fueled and they are still
witches), but okay, it’s a nice idea. Until it becomes ableist or
demands free emotional labor from people, which
it often does.
“We have to educate them!”
Okay, it’s great that there is this effort in the community to
educate others. But if you don’t have the spoons or if it seems
like they’re using the demand for their own education as a way to
still have access to a community they are abusing, then no, you have
no obligation to put their education over your well being. None. They
have access to Google (even if they have to go to a library to use
6. “You have to earn your right to
be a witch.” No, no you don’t. Seriously, though, from whom?
Dusty white men in graves? A Llewellyn author who couldn’t fact
check themselves out of a paper bag? Again – no witch Pope. I’m
just gonna keep pointing out the lack of a witch Pope until people
7. “You have to be ________ rank,
degree, etc. to have an opinion on this topic.” Yeah, okay,
I’ll be sure to wave my certificate in your face before having an
opinion on my own tradition. No. Your opinion may
be an uneducated one and you may be corrected for it, but that
doesn’t mean that you didn’t have the right to it before you
completed your O levels at Hogwarts.
a corollary to above, “This is just my opinion and you
can’t be mad at me for it!” People
absolutely have a right to their opinions. And everyone else the
right to decide those opinions make them an asshole.
“I’m super special and powerful because xyz, which
means I get to tell you what to do.”
People only get to tell you what to do if you let them. Sometimes,
that’s an exchange we willingly make, but other times, people will
feel they have the right to tell you what to do because they are a
hereditary witch or because they’ve been practicing longer. Just
remember – their position doesn’t trump your humanity and you
don’t have to kiss the feet of someone who kicks you.
“The person really wants _____ from you, and you should
help them on their path. Helping them on their path helps you on
yours!” Just because
someone wants something from you, doesn’t mean they get it. Being a
witch doesn’t take away your right to say no.
Please remember that you don’t have to
earn your right to be here. This one is tricky on some level – to
be the respected person in your community, you need to put in your
time. However, in order to be part of a group you don’t need to give the High Priest a blow job (seriously, run).
You don’t have to earn admission to witchcraft, but
you do have to earn specific positions and other people’s trust. If you teach people not to trust you
through your actions, they won’t trust you.
Top 9 Most Fight-Able Characters in Mystic Messenger
(ranked by the likelihood of winning from least to most likely)
9. “Mary” Vanderwood, Secret Agent Murdermonster
Result: A swift and painful death
Are you shitting me? You’ll be goddamn eviscerated on the spot. Not to mention nobody will ever find your body. This is completely fucking unadvisable. DO NOT DO THIS unless you have a DEATH WISH and want to disappear from the world completely. Vanderwood is not to be messed with. They’ve killed many a worthy foe, and you will not be one of them. There’s not much else to say here. I don’t care who you are, you should not challenge Vanderwood. Say your prayers, fucker
8. Unknown/Saeran Choi, Total Edgelord
Result: Utter defeat, probably followed by torture + imprisonment
I don’t think you need me to tell you that this kid is fucking off his rocker. Let’s be real, he’s probably killed a few people, and he enjoyed every minute of it. You can bet your ass he’ll likely torture you after defeating you, too. And you know, some of you sick fucks will probably enjoy the whole damn ordeal. You’re probably the only ones who’d WANT to fight him just to have him fucking step on you. Well congratu-fucking-lations, you got what you wanted. He still beats your ass. The only reason Vanderwood beats him in this ranking is because it’s possible he’d keep you alive for fun, and some of you would enjoy that, so at least it’s a fuckin victory for somebody. Fuck.
7. Jaehee Kang, Smarter than the CEO
Result: Total annihilation + jail time
Do you see this face? This is the face of someone who has been repressing violent urges for fucking years for the sake of keeping her job. If she could snap Jumin’s neck, she would in a heartbeat. You do not want to give her a justifiable reason to unleash that utter fucking rage on your sorry ass. Did you forget she has a black belt in judo? She could beat my ass. She could beat your ass. She could beat anyone’s ass. I don’t care WHO you think you are. And after the fight? She’ll report you to the proper authorities, pick up a cup of coffee, and finish her daily tasks like nothing fucking happened. What a wild bitch. I fucking love her to death, tbh. And you know what? How dare you challenge her. She deals with enough shit in her life. I hope she beats your ass with a righteous fucking fury. Have fun in jail, dipshit.
6. God 707, Meme Lord Supreme
Result: Depends on your approach, but probably a failure
Honestly Seven’s about as fucking predictable as a lunch box full of wasps. What am I even supposed to say here? He’d probably imitate that shitty ass vine meme the first time you punch him and say “I can’t believe you’ve done this”, complete with a British accent, but when you keep hitting, it’ll confuse him. The element of surprise is probably your best bet, but you also have no fucking clue what he’ll do. He might beat the shit out of you. He might scamper away on his scrawny ass legs and proceed to hack into everything you once loved or held dear. He might lay down on the ground and let you kick the shit out of him. In the end, it depends on his mood. Is that reliable at all? Absolutely fucking not. So go for it, but I literally have no idea how it’s gonna turn out for you.
5. Zen/Hyun Ryu, A God Among Men
Result: You have a good chance of winning, but at what cost?
OK BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR MIND LISTEN THE FUCK UP. Why is Zen higher up on the list, Nani??? you ask me, pouting, clutching your Zen body pillow(s) in agony. Zen had a bad past!! He’s not easy to fight, he was such a bad boy!! v//w//v He’s so tough and strong and he’s our knight in shining armor! Hey!! Good for you! But GUESS FUCKING WHAT!! If you’re female, he’ll probably forfeit to you immediately, unlike the barbarians before him on this list, so technically he’s easier to fight! He’d probably LET you beat the shit out of him if it made you feel better. It’s not even a fucking question of who would win if a woman challenged him, so we’re gonna move on. Now, if you’re a GUY, he’d be more willing to square up, and my advice is go for his face. Pretty boy doesn’t like messing up his pretty mug, and if you play dirty, he’ll get scared real quick. His ponytail is a disadvantage for him, so yank it real hard. You have a better chance of beating him with perseverance, but if you let him get the upper hand, you’re deceased because he’s probably a heavy hitter. Also, you will incur the wrath of all his fangirls, and probably the angels above, and you will spend the rest of your life MISERABLE AND CURSED, so proceed with caution. If you can get away with it without anyone knowing your identity, you’re golden. Good luck, but also, why? do you even want to??
4. Jumin Han, Mistah Trussfund Kid (The CEO)
Result: Instant win, but your life will be RUINED
Honestly, I think certain RFA members would actually be very glad if someone handed Jumin’s ass to him, but good fucking luck accomplishing that without having your entire life destroyed. On a purely physical level, Jumin is no competition. He may be the tallest motherfucker around, but he’s never fought anyone before in his LIFE. You’d probably only have an issue here if you were short as shit, and even then, go for the knees, amirite? He’ll fall like a fucking oak tree, and then you can rip him a new one while he’s down. Easy peasy, right? WRONG. He’s got a horde of like 50 bodyguards that you have to sneak past or defeat first or something. And if you somehow make it to Jumin first, they’ll swarm your ass after you first start swinging and have you incapacitated in a few seconds. Are those first few swings worth it? Maybe. But he’s gonna sue your ass for everything you own. The whole world will know your name. If you don’t get jail time, you’ll wish you had. It will be an easier life than trying to live in the public. Zen and Jaehee might love you forever, though, so maybe they can pull a few favors for ya. You better pray they do. Good fuckin luck out there, champ.
3. Yoosung Kim, Small Child
Result: Victory, but with a catch
Look into this child’s eyes. Look me in the eyes. Tell me that Yoosung isn’t a fucking pansy. You can’t, can you? It’s because Yoosung is a fucking pansy. This kid would be down for the count after exactly one (1) punch. He might enjoy it a little too, which’ll be awkward as shit for both of you. HOWEVER. If you trigger his Yandere side, which is bullshit but whatever, he might put up more of a fight. How do you do this, you may ask? Insult Rika. or MC. (Probably Rika tho). Something inside him will snap, and then he’ll be trickier to handle. He’ll probably play dirty when he’s like this, so expect to get shanked or bitten or something. It doesn’t change the fact that his scrawny ass can’t fight for shit, so you’ll still probably win, but not without a few injuries yourself. Hurting Yoosung is probably the moral equivalent to kicking a puppy. If you can be ok with yourself after that, then I mean, go for it.
2. Rika, the Antichrist
Result: Certain victory, but extremely dangerous
Look, maybe I should’ve put her lower on the list considering she’s got an entire cult following her every order. But, honest to God, you would be morally obligated to fight her. Please beat the shit out of her. Physically, her scrawny ass could do nothing to stop you. She’s ruined the lives of her friends, as well as countless other people, because of her deranged and, quite frankly, selfish desires. Basically, she’s a little bitch. I don’t know how you’ll do it, but god damn, you’ll be everyone’s hero. The downside to this is that she might sick Saeran on you, which is gonna be a pain in your ass, and Yoosung might hate you forever, but I think you can live with that, right? Do us all a favor. Fight Rika.
1. Jihyun Kim/V, aka Flower Angel Sunshine Man
Result: Total Victory, but you’re basically Satan
BEFORE YOU SEND ME ANON HATE, REMEMBER: this is a list based on how likely you are to win. And V? V would let anyone beat him. He probably thinks he deserves it. He might defend himself a little, but he couldn’t bring himself to hurt you. Your victory would be almost immediate. There is no catch to V. You’d just win. But you’re a fucking monster for it. And you know what? I’ll beat the shit out of you if you hurt this man. So don’t even think about it, asshole.
Y’all know my obsession with mer!Stiles but what about professional merman!Stiles and single dad!Derek whose little girl is obsessed with mermaids?
Derek understands it’s probably not healthy to try indulge all of his daughter’s impossible wishes, but she rarely asks for anything and if she wants a mermaid for her 6th birthday he’s going to find a way to make it happen.
Enter Stiles - professional merman. Derek isn’t exactly sure if a dude is quite what his daughter wants in a mermaid but between not wanting to ruin the surprise and the fact she pretty much squeals MERMAID!! MERMAID!! MERMAID!! when she sees anything that even slightly resembles a fish, he thinks a guy will be fine.
Derek is expecting…well, he’s not actually sure what he’s expecting. Do professional mermaids grow up wanting to be professional mermaids or does the job just come with a particular…lifestyle, like surfers and lifeguards and people way too obsessed with Disney? Whoever Derek is expecting to show up at his door though, it certainly isn’t someone who greets him by saying, “holy shit, you’re gorgeous” followed by “wait, I mean…holy shit you’re gorgeous.” Derek hasn’t felt his cheeks turn red since he was fifteen, which is why he’s totally not to blame when all he manages to say in return is, “do you come with your own tail?”
“Why, you planning on supplying one for me, big guy? I do have my own tail but if kitting me out in a different one is something you’re into….” he winks, like he was fucking born to, and for a moment Derek is kind of terrified he’s accidentally hired a hooker who thinks Derek has a weird mermaid fetish.
“Um…no….that’s….okay.” He swears he used to have better game than this. Not that he’s trying to flirt with Stiles. He hired him for his daughter’s birthday party, for fuck’s sake. There are rules. He’s almost certain.
“Great, well, if you could just lead me to the pool….” Stiles squints. “You….do have a pool, right? Once someone hired me to sit in a bathtub all day and while you might think getting paid to sit around in bathtub all day is the world’s best job, believe me when I say it’s not.”
Half an hour later, Derek blushes again - this is really getting out of hand - when Stiles knocks on his back door, panting, “okay, so, I know my website says professional and please trust me when I say I am but…could you help me get my tail on? Usually I have my buddy Scott to help me set up but it’s his anniversary today and, well,” he shrugs. Derek doesn’t stop blushing for the rest of the day, in fact. Especially during lunch when the kids go inside to watch The Little Mermaid and Stiles flops up onto the pool side, the moles scattered all down his neck and chest doing funny things to Derek under the glare of the sun. Not even the way Stiles’ nose starts to burn puts him off. All it does is force Derek outside, awkwardly standing over Stiles, shyly holding out some sunscreen.
It doesn’t help that Stiles is perfect with the kids, either. No question is too silly for him and he even manages to coax his daughter’s friend Isaac to the edge of the pool even though Isaac is frightened of mermaids and the only reason he came today is because his daughter promised to hold his hand all day and protect him (which Derek noted fondly Isaac couldn’t stop talking about all week, according to his older brother).
The real problem starts, however, when his daughter asks Stiles if he will fall in love with her daddy because her daddy deserves true love because he’s he bestest daddy in the whole world and mermaids always always make sure when they fall in love it’s the “big explody” kind of love, right? You’re not an evil mermaid, are you Stiles? You won’t try to drown my daddy if he kisses you, will you?
“No, sweetheart, I won’t drown your daddy if he tries to kiss me.” He looks over at Derek, waggling his eyebrows. Derek, god help him, has never been so endeared in his life.
“See, daddy,” his daughter yells, putting her hands on her hips. “I told you.”
Stiles bites down on a laugh and Derek crosses his arms, raises an eyebrow at her. “Lacy, what have I told you about trying to set daddy up with strangers?”
“But Stiles isn’t a stranger, daddy. He’s got a tail.”
Derek sighs, leading Lacy into the house. “I’m sure Stiles already has a lovely mer…person waiting for him at home.”
“You won’t ever find love if you don’t take a chance, daddy,” Lacy pouts, sounding scarily like Erica whenever they get onto the topic of his love life (which is horribly frequent these days).
“Yeah,” Stiles call after them, “take a chance, daddy! I promise, we merfolk don’t bite.” He pauses. “Much.” He winks and Derek blushes for probably the 100th time that day.
He hates everything.
Except, he really doesn’t because after putting Lacy to bed, he comes back down stairs to find Stiles’ number on the envelope of cash he had left out for Stiles to take.
We merfolk don’t have use for money but if you want to buy me dinner some time, we do like to eat.
P.S. Curly fries are optional but highly encouraged.
P.P.S. If you bring me this money instead of curly fries, this relationship is not going to work.
(Spoiler alert: Derek doesn’t bring Stiles his money. Instead he puts it in a box, still inside the envelope, which neither of them touch until Stiles proposes five years later when they use it to buy celebratory engagement pizza and that fancy ice cream that Lacy loves so much - which she henceforth insists on calling “finally ice cream” because, well…..finally.)
Then it’s quiet again, but as always this luxury doesn’t last more than a few minutes, because they’ve taken to a highway and there’s a long stretch of road ahead of them, and Harry starts talking again, “So are we g'na ignore how you were drooling over me?”
Y/N scoffs, affronted by the accusation that was 100% corrected, “Was not drooling over you, jesus, get your head out of your ass.” She grumps at him, “Not everyone on this planet gets wet at the sight of your biceps.”
She wishes it was ruffling him, but she can tell it isn’t. He merely grins sneakily and leans back into his seat, “Yeah, what ever you say, Pet.”
Y/N and Harry don’t really mesh well, until they do
So this cave-dude I know recently called Prompto a ‘pussy’. Delightful, right? But then I’ve also noticed lately this weird tendency in fics to reduce Prompto to (and reinforce his character as) this emotionally weak, almost ‘frightened bunny’ trope, even bordering on actual childishness at times. Now, these are in fact two different issues in the end, yet the overlap is considerable, when you think about it. And I just…
While I recognise and absolutely support all fic writers and such in their right to do whatever the hell they want (Please do! You are valued, and our fandom needs you!), I just…maaaaan. Sometimes I just have to gently shake my head when it comes to some characterisations of our boy Prom.
Now I totally get that AU’s are a thing, as well as personal perspectives. Like, in my head, Prompto can have a pretty bad potty mouth, and regularly drops those f-bombs, and you can totally disagree with me, which is a beautiful thing. Also, if you follow this blog you have definitely seen me tag Prompto as a ‘smol cinnamon bun’, in need of protection ‘at all costs’ and blah blah blah (this is largely meme-based, because I subsist on Diet Coke and memes- I digress).
But it’s honestly the layered essence of what makes this character who he is, the many elements written into and played out in the canon, that make him so appealing to me, personally. To see him essentially reduced to a caricature of himself, a distilled version of everything he is that just sort of latches onto this ‘he’s the baby and the smallest, the most caring and therefore the weakest’ idea, just feels so off the mark. And it makes me kind of sad, you know?
Let it be known right off the bat that I’m obviously by no means claiming to be some sort of FINAL WORD ON PROMPTO or anything so ridiculous. Neither is this some sort of ‘call out’ on any particular writing or portrayal, at all. I can’t abide by that shit.
I just feel like talking about how I see Prompto, I guess?
In all honesty, the Prompto I experienced in the game, as well as in the anime, and audio drama, was anything but weak, and anything but childish. He was always, right from the start, very much the backbone of the Chocobros’ group, the one voicing what everyone was thinking, easing their tension and swallowing his self-doubt to strive to be the best he could be for his friends, like he’s always done.
He got this.
Prompto literally escaped/was rescued from/was vaguely aware of at least, a mysterious and probably terrifying early history, and then proceeded to face a lot of bullshit when he was growing up- at home, with frequently absent parents who left him often to his own devices, as well as at school, where he was closed off from and largely ignored by the other kids. This all could have resulted in a really timid, emotionally fragile or ‘weak’ character, but the fact is… it didn’t? He grew up independent and actually pretty capable of caring for himself, not to mention totally self-taught when it came to interacting with others (thank you for the vote of confidence, Luna). He also grew up with a compassionate streak a mile wide.
I won’t get too into my thoughts on this idea in particular because this post is already massive, and to discuss patriarchal conventions (the aforementioned use of the word ‘pussy’ in this context), not to mention strength vs. resilience on top of it would just get out of hand. I will say this: we can all stand to remember that compassion does not equal weakness.
Prompto was afraid a lot, sure- they all were, obviously- but he was also brave as fuck. If bravery means to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’, then Prompto’s a master. He’s been practising his entire life, after all.
Prompto was always there, right? This ever present force for good, supporting his friends and their goals, to the bitter end. He was there, thinking and acting on the fly during the Leviathan ritual, which was obviously a horrific ordeal even before its conclusion. He was ever at the ready to see things from all sides, like when Ignis was injured and all hell broke loose between the less-capable, (emotionally-speaking) Gladio and Noct. He was even there, ready to offer a taste of his usual, cheery self when they were all together for the very last time, even if it was clearly breaking his heart.
And yeah he’d kid around, make silly jokes (interestingly, it seems, especially during situations of high tension or uncertainty on the part of his friends, like deep in the depths of some mind-boggling ruins or when facing the prospect of ‘hey, we are actually going to go to Altissia now- oh holy fuck!’). But he was also so very capable of adult conversation, especially when it came to his feelings, which we saw several times throughout the canon- a sure sign of real maturity if ever there was one, in my opinion.
The fact is, Prompto’s fear isn’t who he is, and neither is his small physical stature nor his big heart. Rather, his actions and choices in the face of all of that make up the person he is. (Like anyone, right?). He is no caricature for cute, nor for weak or timid or scared. And I for one want to see more about that guy, in all his multifaceted, achingly resilient, freckle-faced glory.
That girl who loves partying and socializing with people, she's a fangirl of so many buffed-up singers and she's so pretty. She's kinda judgmental and she's homophobic but she follows so many gay people and likes their posts and nobody in my generation really understands why. She can be really impulsive sometimes and she hates classes but she's a good friend and a funny person
That girl who is always late, she has social anxiety and she's silent af. Grades are not her forte'. She tries to socialize very hard and everyone is annoyed by the fact that she tries to discuss things that she really doesn't know shit about. She is afraid of some professors, she is christian af and she is kinda lost, but she's a good girl who believes in the supernatural and she always invites us to coffee at her place
The girl who loves spending time with people, she always loves to discuss about every topic, she knows so much about many things, she's doing great with her grades and she's among the top 5 students in the entire generation. Also, she has PERFECT, sonorous American accent and everybody loves it. She always initiates coffee gatherings but nobody really comes because she's not that much of a leader and her voice is so soft so nobody could really hear when she's talking. She's also a passionate gamer AND in the same time she finds time to maintain her grades and social life
That (jock) guy who's the tallest one, he's blonde, buffed-up and he's the definition of a straight white boy. He's childish as fuck and he can become very boring sometimes. Once, my colleagues have shooed him out of the cafeteria because he was bothering them. He also tells so many stupid dad-jokes and laughs at his own jokes, flirts with some professors, has been single since forever (not that he's ugly - he's average looking but he's so much boring sometimes because he doesn't have any real friends and he gets excited about people so he doesn't know WHEN to stop). He literally flirts with every single female human being that he can find and he pushes them all away because he's pushy af. He's also introverted and doesn't really know his way with girls
That girl who's one of the top students in the generation. She's always smiling, she has the best grades, she always tries to present this "perfect" image of herself. She is very intelligent and she loves reading, she gets drunk like every second day but that doesn't stop her from maintaining her perfect grades. She's very successful and she's a good leader, she knows all the fresh gossip and she always sits in the first row with her best university friend. In fact, she and her best uni friend are hated by everyone because they're just so successful and everyone's jealous of them. She also secretly hates everybody and gossips with her best uni friend. She and her friend have tons of screenshots ready to blackmail people if anyone says anything against them lmao. But everyone (every zodiac sign) in this generation pretends we like each other so...
That professor who's VERY detail-oriented and she's a big perfectionist but she can't fix her awful handwriting. She's very successful and she has TONS of potential, she literally KNOWS EVERYTHING about her subjects but sometimes she can really drain us physically and emotionally. She gives us tons of assignments and homework and she always gives us lectures on the most difficult courses. Jfc she behaves like we study in Cambridge / Oxford. But don't get me wrong, she's NOT a bad person. She's actually a VERY good person and at the end of each semester she buys us coffee and tea, she talks with us about our experience with the course and she just wants us to learn some things that we should learn, that's why we perceive her as "difficult" and "problematic"
That girl who loves hugging, has great communication skills and is a social justice warrior. She thinks that she's everyone's friend and she always tries to criticize everyone's opinion, thinking that she'll seem and sound more intelligent. She also listens to rock and metal, she loves children and she smokes a lot, she's very sensitive and she's very friendly. Once, on the Facebook group of the university, she tried to accuse Pisces of something he didn't do and he literally ruined her in front of all those people, that was one of her biggest mistakes she's ever done in uni because she didn't know that that guy can be pretty evil when someone tries to insult/hurt him. The next day in uni she was on the verge of a mental breakdown because that guy really hurt her with his words, making her look stupid and pretentious, and everybody stopped talking to that guy for like, a month or two
That girl who's late in class 90% of the time, and those 10% she's not present in class. She is very quiet and she doesn't show particular interest in anything. She doesn't have a taste in fashion and style, unlike most Scorpios that I know. She just wants to go home all the time and nobody knows what she's doing in her life, she's so mysterious and she's not a good teamworker because she doesn't really care about her grades
That girl who can't stop talking and she's always arguing with someone but we all love her. She's very communicative but she's insecure at the same time. She has tons of likes on Facebook and Instagram. She's a VERY open-minded girl, she hates racism, homophobes, nazi scum and racists. She's a really good friend with Leo and Pisces but Capricorn is her bff and her roommate. She has an excellent taste in fashion, style and music and she has S_L_A_Y_I_N_G eyebrows. I think that she's bi/lesbian but maybe she's closeted. She always hugs Capricorn and gets beaten by Capricorn because Capricorn can't stand people touching her
That girl who loves vintage notebooks, loves taking studyblr photos and uploads them on tubmlr and Instagram, she loves journeys and we haven't heard her talking for THREE GODDAMN YEARS. She is very antisocial and introverted but she has excellent taste for art, film, music and she's like 24/7 on her phone because it's obvious that she can't stand most of us but she's always sweet and supportive when someone approaches her. Sometimes she doesn't want to talk and she just smiles as a response. She's Sagittarius' best friend and roommate and they've became really close friends. She also loves journeys and she's a daydreamer but she's very intelligent. Her grades are not that good, she's not an attention whore and she tries to be "invisible" but she simply can't
That guy with his cockney accent who has insane memory and loves football. He's actually a loner, he's a bit creepy and weird, le loves britpop and indie nd he was one of the best students in the first two years of uni but his grades dropped. He's like, very secretive and he can be pretty arrogant and you just can't sit next to him because he's telling jokes all the time which takes your attention away. He is a loner and once he publicly told us that he used to have cyber sex with his girlfriend because she lived in another country and they've never met in real life (I mean, who tells such things omg Aqua get your shit together). He tries to insult people and he tries to be sarcastic but he can only be sarcastic with the stupid ones. He also thinks that he's a know-it-all and that he's the most intelligent person in the world. He can be really judgmental sometimes and he pushes people away with that
That guy who always sits in the first row with his best university friend and is one of the top students in the generation. He's also a model, nerd, gamer, works out and whatnot. He is sweet to everyone and talks to everyone but he can be very sassy at times. He was the one who had a verbal fight with Libra because Libra triggered him and he destroyed her verbally. He's really skinny and dreamy and he has a very deep voice and an excellent taste in fashion and style. His style is kinda dark and he's so aesthetic. He listens to some music that no other people in the world listen to but he also listens to some mainstream music. In fact, he listens to whatever he wants and he doesn't really think about what other people think about him. He tends to roll his eyes a lot and he cares about his physical beauty more than he cares about his love life. He's too egotistic and self-centered and he's extremely picky, which makes him single most of the time.
Tantalizing:0102 03 04050607 Ship: Jungkook | Reader Description: Back in high school, you were nothing more than a nerd Jungkook wanted to deflower, to get a good fuck from. When he sees you at the club, though, things have changed drastically, and his dominance starts to teeter on the edge. Warning: Sub!Jungkook, Sex Toy, Masturbation, Handjob, Oral, Degrading Names, Film, Exhibitionism, Blindfold, Hair Pulling Word Count: 7,243
Genre: Roommate! Jungkook, slightly dom! Jungkook, smut and fluff
Word count: 7,469 words
You were greeted with the sound of the TV blaring from the living room when you opened the front door of your house. Although he couldn’t see or hear you, it didn’t stop you from letting out a small sigh accompanied with a smile to yourself as you untied your sneakers and put them away neatly on the shoe rack. The thick white socks you wore made your steps quiet.
As you padded into the house, you weren’t surprised to find your roommate sprawled on the floor with his back leaning against the lower half of the couch and his long legs stretched carelessly under the coffee table. He was staring at the show playing on his laptop on the table but you weren’t sure if he was really paying attention to it. At first you opened your mouth to check if he needed a call back to Earth, then you saw the gaggle of men and women sprinting across the screen and gasped.
A/N: The link kept spazzing so I had to repost, sorry xx
Summary: You slept with your best friend, Jungkook. A mistake, a drunken adventure destined to gnaw at your mind. But what’s worse? You have feelings for him.
Genre: Smut, Angst (oh boy), fluff
Pairing: You x Jungkook
Word count: 5k
Warnings: Smut, mentions of drinking
You’ve had so many dirty dreams about Jungkook already. So many dreams that felt so real. That’s why when you reached over and touched his arm, you almost fell off of the bed.
You jumped up, dragging the sheet with you to wrap around your very naked body. It was as if he was a complete stranger you woke up next to by the way you backed up and away from the bed. It was worse than that.
Summary: AU. Reader is given the task of running a
popular love advice internet show when her coworker is fired. Her
cynical attitude toward love makes her offer some harsh advice, and more
than a few hearts are caught in the aftermath. Will hers be one of them?
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader
Word Count: 2,873
language, fluff, angst, sarcasm, hot firemen
A/N: So many of you were right on. But what’s the fallout now? PS - I had a lot of writer’s block, so I don’t know how I feel about this, but I had to push forward with the story or I’d end up abandoning it.
Summary: Bucky AU. After a major deal falls through, your father’s business almost falls apart. In a desperate attempt to save his livelihood, he seeks the help of his oldest friend, George Barnes, who happens to be the CEO of one of the most influential businesses in New York. He agrees, but on one condition. You have to marry his son.
Word Count: 2,201
The two of you had fallen into silence, both seemingly lost in thought. The appetizers were delicious, but you couldn’t do more than pick at them. You were too distracted by your thoughts to focus on eating.
So much had happened in so little time. Sure, it seemed like you had your best friend back, but who knew how long that would last. He seemed sincere earlier, but there was no way to guarantee that the two of you wouldn’t get into another stupid argument and find yourselves right back where you started.
Do you take prompt? What about Stiles having a secret crush on Derek but when saw him, taking care Scott's son, he fell in love.
I’m not much of a kid fic person, so this took me a while, but I tried. Hopefully it’s kind of what you were angling for!
“Do you think I’m ready for fatherhood?” Stiles asks, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. He’s not freaking out about this. He’s not.
Boyd says flatly, “Stilinski, you’re twenty-one years old. You’re supposed to know how to use a condom by now.“
Stiles’ hand spasms and he accidentally squirts a huge glob of ketchup on his mound of curly fries. Fuck. He has the ideal ketchup-to-curly-fry ratio down to a science, and this is not it. “No, absolutely not what I meant. It’s just. Did you know Derek had a kid?”
Boyd meditatively takes a bite of his burger. “No. But the nice thing about Derek is that he doesn’t go in for personal talk.”
Stiles shoots him a weird look. Of course Boyd would think that was nice. Stiles, though, has been trying to break down Derek’s walls even just a little bit for months now—sitting with him in class, sharing his notes, studying with him in the library and getting late-night waffles together afterwards, little by little pulling Derek out of his shell. He’d thought he was getting somewhere, but obviously not, not if Derek failed to mention this kid even existed.
Which he does. Stiles knows, because he can see him right now, over by Prof. Martin’s pool. Apparently his name is Jamie.
May i request for RFA and the Minor trio with MC getting beaten by her ex and hospitalized? Thank you!! :*
Hey hey! More angst!
How could this have happened?
Yoosung is with her through as much of her recovery as he can
She forces him to go to work, though, so he’s not taking care of her 24/7
Until she can come home, Yoosung spends every night at the hospital (he doesn’t go home unless he has to take care of Lisa or needs to change his clothes)
Once she’s out, he makes sure that everything is comfortable for her
He’s such a worrywart
Her recovery is slow, but she’s well taken care of, and when she’s comfortable, she returns to work
It’s not until the ex tracks her down again (this time at home) hoping to hurt her again because he wasn’t done with her and only stopped because someone called the cops
Except Yoosung is awake (playing LOLOL) when he breaks in, and goes a bit yandere
In that he grabs a knife from the kitchen and goes after the guy
He manages to cut the guy, call the police, and the guy is put in jail for breaking and entering, premeditated assault, and attempted assault
“She has multiple puncture wounds from being kicked with high heels. She’ll likely have scars for the rest of her life.”
Jaehee has to force back the tears
Especially when she sees MC
But Baehee stays strong for her
Jaehee brings tea and desserts to MC when the doctors allow
While MC is still in the hospital, the ex, who Jaehee has seen in pictures before, walks into the cafe with a large smile on her face
She’s gorgeous, unscathed, and Jaehee is furious
She refuses to serve the woman
When the woman starts throwing a fit about it, Jaehee pulls up a picture of MC at the hospital
“I have the right to refuse service to anyone. Especially the woman that put my girlfriend in the hospital!”
The woman begins laughing
“So that’s why? That means you’re Jaehee! You know, she called out for you when I kicked a hole in her stomach! So pathetic! And you’re not even very pretty! Guess she downgraded!”
Jaehee recorded everything, and there was a cop in the cafe that was a regular and usually showed up in uniform, but was in civvies today.
The woman is arrested on the spot for committing assault (possibly with a deadly weapon because heels) and confessing in front of a whole crowd and witnesses
Jaehee is able to tell MC all about it when she goes to the hospital that afternoon with a smile on her face
The moment he hears that she was beaten, he wants to hunt down whoever did this to her and return the favor
However, when he sees her, it’s another story
He sits with her, stays with her as much as he can, touches her when he’s allowed to be a source of comfort
Hell, he takes time off work to take care of her as much as possible
He’s super considerate and holds her whenever she gets scared
When they go back to work together, she’s still pretty banged up, and the people that Zen has worked with before that know her are super freaked out
Zen explains what happened, and honestly, some of them are just as eager to start a fight as Zen
When Zen is walking her out to the cab they’re taking home one night, they pass the guy that beat her, and she just about screams
Once he realizes who the guy is, Zen throws a punch
Nobody hurts MC and gets away with!!
Zen doesn’t beat the guy nearly as much as he hurt MC (he believes the guy needs to be hurt double what he did to her), but makes himself clear
“If you ever so much as look in MC’s direction ever again, I’m going destroy you! The only reason I’m not going to kill you is because I need to be there for her! So count yourself lucky!”
Jumin is furious
Where were her guards?!?!
How did this happen?!?!
The moment he saw her lying in the hospital bed, barely recognizable, he was furious
A few people were fired
Her finger was even too swollen to even wear her wedding ring
When MC is able to talk again, Jumin discovers that it was actually stolen by the man when she was attacked
Jumin has the man tracked down, arrested, gets MC’s ring back, and then goes to see the man in question
He informs the man he has fucked with the wrong person
You do not hospitalize the love of the CEO of C&R’s life without major consequences
A few well placed bribes land the man in the worst prison in the country and the man lives out the rest of his days in absolute misery
Jumin tells MC nothing more than, “you never have to worry about him hurting you ever again.”
He brings his laptop with him when he goes to be by MC’s hospital bed
The moment Saeyoung hears the name of the guy who hurt her, he begins hacking
He ruins the guy quickly, hacking his facebook and phone, posting a picture from the phone of MC horribly beaten
“Look what I did over the weekend! :D” the post says
He hacks the guys email and sends out nasty letters to his boss, sends dick pics to various female coworkers, etc
He ruins the guys financials by buying a shit ton of sardines (his most hated food) and sending it to his house
Which he is later kicked out of, when his landlord gets an anonymous email with video of the guy hitting on the landlords teenage daughter
707 ruins the guy in every way possible
Then he contacts the guy
“Congratulations! You have achieved ‘Hacker God’s Fury!’ Now, you can feel free to try to rebuild your life, but know, I’ll be watching. And if you ever hurt MC or anyone else like that again, you won’t have any possibility of rebuilding. I can and will turn you into a foreign spy committing high treason against the government and have you thrown into the type of camp you only see up North, if you catch my drift! ;)”
They were at an outdoor market together, browsing, enjoying each other’s company, etc
MC let go of his arm for a minute to go grab something from another stall, and suddenly she was gone
In the hustle and bustle of the market, he didn’t notice she had disappeared for a little while, but when he did, he started calling out to her
Mind you, he couldn’t see, but he still searched for her
When he hears the sirens, his heart drops
He rushes towards them, confirms it’s MC because she says his name when she hears his voice, and they go to the hospital
He’s in tears, blaming himself for this happening to her
She’s under a sedative because of the pain, so she can’t speak very well, but she manages to communicate to him not to blame himself
V doesn’t know the extent of the damage until a doctor tells him there was irreparable damage to both her eyes and no matter what they do, she will never see again
V decides to get the surgery because he knows his condition is treatable and hers isn’t, and when he asks her if it’s okay, to make she won’t resent him, she tells him, “Of course not.”
He’s sad he’ll never be able to see her eyes outside of pictures, but once they’ve both recovered, he’s able to take her home
He goes back to taking photographs to help build up some good money for the two of them so that they’ll always be financially secure
V’s first collection after she’s gone blind actually has all his photos 3D printed, so she can feel the shape of the images
The guy is arrested a few weeks after V takes her home
When he is, MC willingly testifies against the man, and V is able to do everything in his power to protect her
Saeran deletes everything about this guy
He becomes a ghost
He has no credit, no identity, no drivers license
Saeran then tracks him down, which isn’t very hard
Saeran kidnaps the guy, holds him captive, and tortures him
When the guy is on the verge of being broken, Saeran stops and releases him alone in the mountains