i say as i tag zero.... just zero

anonymous asked:

hi there. im really loving all the cute zeki fluff we're getting in this chapter but one thing that bothers me is yuuki saying she thinks of kaname whenever she and zero hold hands. predictably yume fans have jumped on this to say she still loves kaname but maybe it's just that she feels guilty? id love to know your thoughts on this ^^

This ask is from over a month ago [sorry, anon orz], but I happened to see this exact argument being made in the tag just now, sooo I considered that this line of dialogue might’ve been more divisive than I’d previously thought and it could use a reply. :)

Let’s add some context first for my reading.

After Kaname Kuran had failed in his efforts to monopolize his fiancee Yuuki’s affections due to her attachment to Zero Kiryuu, he committed suicide/sacrificed himself because he realized his mistake in interfering with and manipulating their lives, saying that he always knew it was Zero and Yuuki that should’ve been together.

In her mourning, Yuuki began hesitating in being as demonstrative as she once was with Zero. Upon taking his hand, though, she admitted that simply holding on in public made her think sadly upon the man whom she could not save nor remain faithful to.

I can agree with those that claim that Yuuki still loved Kaname, that was never a question. 

However, everyone should know by now that she loved Zero more [since it’s common knowledge in-universe that a vampire’s love manifests in the satisfaction found within the blood of “the one”].

Knowing all of that, and despite her feelings, Yuuki waited before entering into a relationship with Zero for several years. Because of this, I think Yuuki was hurting FOR Kaname as she held Zero’s hand. After all, Yuuki could now escape with Zero to their special place, rendezvous with him and be happy, she could hold hands with him whenever he was near, have him lay in her lap or her in his, hold each other as they drank blood, and she could move their relationship at any pace she pleased.

But she was overtly aware that their attachment was what caused Kaname to despair,

And with Yuuki pretty much admitting that she “wouldn’t let [Zero] go,” it’s easy to imagine her inner turmoil.

Yes, I’d say her remembering Kaname in a lot of scenes is rooted in her guilt, and Zero feels sympathetic toward her plight. During this scene when she took his hand, he reassured her that there was nothing wrong with her [because there really wasn’t, as harsh as that sounds to Kaname]. And Zero promised her directly after that he would love even the part of her that held onto his memory.

This moment was basically another retread of Zeki’s main dilemma that took place during Sayori’s lifetime. But I suppose I never really wrote my thoughts on those chapters since I was on hiatus during most of them, so thanks for the ask, anon~

If you’re extra bored and haven’t read it yet, here’s my post from a few days ago about the scene that follows. [x]