I’m in the hospital, my last night and I can’t sleep to save my life. I go from feeling sorry to myself to being grateful constantly and consistently throughout the day. I think of 3 weeks ago and how I was able to run and jump without any problems, and here I am today 10 pounds lighter and feeling physically weak as fuck.
We walked around the hospital today–the urology floor to be specific. I saw everyone walking around with a catheter bag. I remember those days. Those endless nights where I had to walk to just get piss from my bladder into the bag. I remember pissing AND shitting through bags and feeling like I had no control over my body–at this point of 2015 I couldn’t even physically walk.
And then I remember that I am not walking around with an IV pole and I’m not pissing through a bag, and my docs keep telling me I’m healing.
I’m trying. I am fucking trying.