i saw that dog and i had to make this graphic set

The Nanny

A/N: I know, a new series. But I just needed a new idea. Anyways this is the first part to what I’m hoping to be a 6 part series. Let me know what you guys think

Word count: 2,000 something words

Warnings: Mentions of a house fire, minor death not graphic

“Looking for a full time Nanny. Must be able to work late and be able to take care of both a kid and a dog. I am willing to provide a room for you to sleep in. In interested please Email me your resume at jbbarnes6412@gmail.com

Thank you,
J. Barnes”

As you read what seemed like the millionth job ad, you copied the listed email address into the empty email box.

Dear Mr. Barnes,
Below I have attached my resume. I hope I am a good fit for what you are looking for. My hours are flexible and I love dogs almost as much as I love kids.

Sincerely,
Y/N Y/L/N

Keep reading

Is Star Trek: Discovery’s Michael Burnham part Vulcan?

The recently released trailer strongly implies that Sonequa Martin-Green’s character, Michael Burnham, has ties to Vulcan, but to what extent? Is she a human who spent part of her childhood on Vulcan, or does she actually have Vulcan DNA?

Most people will be quick to claim, “But she doesn’t have pointed ears!” And that’s true. They are quite rounded, as you can see.  

Spock’s ears were pointed after all, right? Spock was a human/Vulcan hybrid and for all intents and purposes, was frequently described as having Vulcan physiology. But that’s not the end of the story. When discussing Spock’s blood in the TOS episode “Journey to Babel,” Nurse Chapel points out, “It isn’t true Vulcan blood either. It has human blood elements in it.” 

So there really are some human elements lurking within Spock. To use genetics terminology, genotypically (DNA wise) he’s half human, but phenotypically (appearance wise), he looks Vulcan. Most of us learned Mendelian genetics in high school biology where we did fun Punnett squares and learned things like brown eyes are dominant to blue eyes and black hair is dominant to blond hair. Using these rules, we might assume that a Vulcan’s pointed ears are dominant to a human’s rounded ears and call it that, but the truth is, very few traits are actually inherited by the patterns we learned in 10th grade science class. 

At this point I should probably backtrack and explain all the reasons why a naturally-occurring Vulcan/human hybrid just doesn’t make any sense.  Whether or not two species can interbreed depends on quite a few factors like chromosome number and genetic similarity. Humans have 23 pairs of chromosomes for a total of 46 – one from mom and one from dad – and we have genes in predictable locations so that when the genetic material combines, we essentially shuffle our DNA for the next generation without scrambling it into nonsense. In order for hybrids to occur, ideally they should have the same number of chromosomes and genes in similar locations. Chromosome number isn’t actually a game changer though.

Mules are made from the crossbreeding of a female horse (which has 64 chromosomes) and a male donkey (which has 62 chromosomes). When sperm and egg combine the result is a mule with 63 chromosomes, which unfortunately renders mules sterile due to the odd chromosome. While horses and donkeys are different species, from a genetic perspective, they’re remarkably similar. 

This guy will never know the love of his own children, poor bastard. 

This obviously isn’t true for humans and Vulcans. They might look relatively similar on the outside, but just look at what canon tells us about Vulcan physiology: a three-chambered heart located where the liver should be, a midbrain capable of telepathy, and copper based blood don’t exactly make Vulcans right next to chimpanzees as our evolutionary cousins. (And that blood should actually be blue based on the oxidation state of copper in hemocyanin but I’m already getting into the scientific weeds here.)

So for Vulcans and humans to even have babies in the first place is a remarkable feat of genetic engineering that wouldn’t even be remotely possible with modern technology, but it’s Star Trek, right? It’s sci-fi and it’s the future and we’ve got to suspend some belief. Check. But that doesn’t mean we can’t use what we do know about genetics and speculate about patterns of inheritance between humans and Vulcans.

Firstly, Spock isn’t the only example of offspring between humans and Vulcanoid species. Sure, Romulans may be considered a separate species from Vulcans, but on a genetic timescale, the split seems to be very recent (much like we see with wolves and dogs) and there’s no reason to think they couldn’t easily interbreed with one another. So for all intents and purposes, we might consider a cross between a human and Romulan to be quite similar to a human and Vulcan. Canon offers us at least two examples of human-Romulan hybrids: Sela, the daughter of Tasha Yar and her Romulan captor, and Simon Tarses, a Starfleet crewman who was one-quarter Romulan but tried to pass his slightly pointy ears off as a Vulcan throwback.  

I wonder how much they had to pay Denise Crosby to wear that wig?

If we were sticking to what we learned about genetics in high school biology, we would expect Sela to have inherited her father’s dark hair rather than her mother’s light hair. Think about it: aside from Sela, when was the last time anyone saw a blonde Romulan? But it would appear that genes for hair color in hybrids seem to be playing by a different set of rules than what we would predict in humans. So coming back to the ears, both of these individuals lend weight to the theory that pointed ears do predominate in Vulcanoid hybrids, but… Crewman Tarses’ ears are less pointed, suggesting pointed ears might be an example of something called polygenic inheritance. It’s a pretty simple concept, actually. Mendelian genetics taught us that things exist in binary, either yes or no, this or that, brown eyes or blue eyes, but as I’ve already explained, so few traits actually work that way. One of the most obvious examples in humans comes from skin color.

Have a dose of melanin. It’s gorgeous!

There’s no one “skin color” gene. Scientists have actually identified at least eight genes that contribute to skin color that can interact with one another in various ways to produce a spectrum. Most people recognize that biracial children often end up with a skin tone somewhere in between their parents; this complex chart shows how eight different genes for one trait can lend to incredibly beautiful and diverse variation. It also demonstrates how people who end up on Maury because they swear they could never father a dark-skinned baby are scientifically illiterate turds. This graphic is an approximation, but you can see how it is uncommon but entirely possible for two people with intermediate pigmentation to have a very light-skinned or a very dark-skinned child, depending on the roll of the genetic dice.

Based on Crewman Tarses’ slightly pointed ears, it’s easy to imagine that ear “pointiness” (a very scientific term) might fall along similar patterns of inheritance if it can be diluted over generations rather than simply being present or absent. So could Michael Burnham have Vulcan ancestry and round ears? Once the biologist in me ignores the sheer madness of a Vulcan/human hybrid in the first place, I’m willing to say yes.    

Now let’s have a lookie-loo at Michael Burnham’s eyebrows. 

Tweezed to perfection

I’m willing to believe that could be the result of Vulcan DNA rather than a fashion choice. 

Lastly, there’s this very brief scene in the trailer that implies that this woman and this child are the same person. Tell me that isn’t the Vulcanest haircut you ever saw? 

Seriously, it looks like the Beatles threw up all over her head. 

Sure, she could just be a human who has accepted Surak’s teachings at some point in her life, right down to the shellac-styled hair, but I think it’s clear that whether or not Michael Burnham is descended from Vulcans, she at least spent a chunk of her childhood in their company. So while the canon is still out on whether she actually harbors any Vulcan DNA, but I don’t think it should be ruled out strictly based on the shape of her ears. 

Andrew Wood - The Jesus Christ of Grunge

I worked at a record store for most of my college days. The pay was terrible, the customers had bad taste (for the most part), and the owner was always doing some untoward stuff that later resulted in his partner kicking him out of the business… but it may have been the best job I’ve ever had. Why was it the best job ever?  Because my income was supplemented by an unending supply of promo CDs, first crack at all CDs being traded in by customers, and my name always happened to make it onto the guest list of two of the three big music venues in town. Plus my co-workers were a diverse group of equally music-obsessed nerds, punk rockers, hip-hop enthusiasts and an Anglophile manager who became one of my best friends. It was pretty epic, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.


Working in a record store also gave me special insight into crazy rabbit hole of music theory conspiracies. My buddy Ryan Shaw had this theory about Andrew Wood, the lead singer of Mother Love Bone and the first major heroin casualty of the grunge era. His theory was that Andrew Wood was the prophet that rock and roll was promised, that he would be overlooked and ridiculed in his own time, and then sentenced to death for the sins of rock and roll, only to be resurrected and live eternally through his disciples and their testimony. 


In other words, Andrew Wood was the Jesus Christ of Grunge who had to die for the sins of Hair Metal so that Rock and Roll could live on. 


SIDE NOTE: My buddy Ryan was an ordained minister who later became a trial lawyer, so that gives credence to the underpinning philosophy of the theory.  

Much like B.C. and A.D., prior to Andrew Wood there was no “Alternative” but after his death we started living in the Alternative age. Grunge, Indie and Nu-Metal, Emo, and Alt-Country were all new gospels that were written in the aftermath of Andrew Wood’s passing…
So if Andrew Wood was the Jesus Christ of Grunge, who were his apostles?


Stone Gossard as SIMON/PETER - The rock upon which the Temple of the Dog was built, literally. Stone Gossard is the through line for the Seattle sound and was ever present in its inception. From his time at Green River to Mother Love Bone to Temple of the Dog to Pearl Jam and then Brad, Gossard was the foundation stone. Without Stone Gossard, would there even be grunge? Stone is the rhythm (along with his brother Jeff Ament) from which the music is manifested. Gossard may never have been front and center in all of the bands he formed, but he spoke softly and carried a big axe.

Chris Cornell as JOHN - John was the disciple whom Jesus loved the most. 
Chris was Andrew’s roommate and best friend. When Andrew overdosed, Chris was on a European tour with Soundgarden striking his own Jesus Christ pose. Chris was so grief stricken with the loss that he immediately wrote two songs “Say Hello 2 Heaven” and “Reach Down” about Wood. Chris showed them to Stone and Jeff, and Temple of the Dog was formed to honor their late friend. Chris would later hit mainstream success with Soundgarden and with Audioslave (which was just okay but waaaayyy to mellow for a band composed of members of Rage Against the Machine and Soundgarden).


Jeff Ament as ANDREW (Simon/Peter’s brother) - Ament was right there with Stone in Green River, Mother Love Bone, Temple of the Dog and then Pearl Jam. He’s the bass that pulses the heartbeat of the music. Plus, his graphic design sense provided the classic look and feel of all the liner notes and album packaging for those bands (which along with flannel, long hair, and Doc Martens worn with shorts, were essential cornerstones of the era). Through Ames Bros. Design, Pearl Jam’s visual aesthetic was really set in stone and their tour posters became must-have’s for screen print enthusiasts everywhere. Music never looked so good.


Eddie Vedder as JAMES, SON of ALPHAEUS - Some people say that James was literally Jesus’ little brother, while other’s interpret it metaphorically because upon dying Jesus said to James that Mary was now his mother, and James was now her son. Either way, Eddie Veddie was the younger brother of Andrew Wood who then took his mother’s hand and ushered in a new era of grunge. Eddie would tell you that he’s no fucking messiah, which is meant as a testament to the love he had for his brother.


SIDE NOTE: I almost had Eddie as Paul/Saul, not one of the original 12 apostles, but one of the most steadfast and true disciples of Jesus whose writings to the Romans and to the Corinthians would help shape Christian philosophy for many centuries to come. As the lead singer and songwriter of Pearl Jam, you could make a case that Eddie is Paul, but I don’t think he’s gentile enough for that. He’s Eddie Vedder, and that’s an entirely different essay.


Kurt Cobain as SIMON THE CANAANITE or SIMON THE ZEALOT
- 
Simon the Zealot was known for strictly keeping the law of Moses (the Ten Commandments) and had great disregard for where he saw people headed. In Jesus, Simon found someone who was practicing what he preached. Simon would go on to evangelize the gospel in much of the west including throughout Egypt and into Africa. Kurt Cobain hated the mainstream and was a zealot when it came to grunge. He spread the word far and high and carried the tradition well. 



Layne Staley as THADDEUS - Cool name. Cool band. When a jar of flies is kept for too long, the man in a box digs some dirt. Staley of Alice in Chains and Mad Season fame burned out too soon, but man was he cool.

Dave Grohl as MATTHEW/LEVI - Matthew/Levi was the tax collector who gave up his job and life to follow Jesus. He was the author of one of the gospels (Gospel of Matthew). Grohl was a drummer who later gave up that life to lead his own band, the Foo Fighters, who went on to become one of the biggest alternative bands (and David Letterman’s favorite band). 



Kim Thyll as JAMES (brother of John) - James was John’s brother who followed him along and became an apostle. He had a moment of doubt when Jesus came back to life and doubted that it was really Jesus. Kim followed Chris Cornell into Soundgarden and preached the gospel upon a black hole sun. He later had many doubts when Chris left the band and stored to become a pop singer and then started Audioslave, which was terrible. Eventually, Soundgarden reformed and the word could go on being spread, one music hall, arena or outdoor festival at a time.

Jerry Cantrell as BARTHOLOMEW - Cool name. Cool band. Do the Bart, man!

Mark Arm as PHILIP - Philip was an apostle, but he didn’t really matter. He was there at the start and probably did some stuff but you can’t really remember it. That’s kind of like Mark Arm and Mudhoney. He started Green River and recruited Stone Gossard to the band because he only wanted to sing instead of sing and play guitar. Then He formed Mudhoney. They had a moment for a slight minute but most people couldn’t tell them apart from Tad. How’s that for a Judgement Night?


Courtney Love as MARY MAGDALENE - Go listen to Hole’s first record, Live Through This, and you’ll be asking Courtney if you could wash HER feet. From start to finish, that album is all killer and no filler, regardless of wether Kurt Cobain wrote it or not. 


Thurston Moore as JUDAS - Sonic Youth were grunge before grunge was a thing. They ushered in the alt-rock movement and were preaching the gospel way before it was cool. In another world, Thurston Moore would have been John the Baptist, but he blew up the band by betraying Kim Deal (whom the Dandy Warhols rightly worshipped in their song “As Cool as Kim Deal”). So, yeah. Thurston Moore is Judas.         

Paul Westerberg as JOHN THE BAPTIST - He came first and helped lay the groundwork for the alternative movement. This could have easily gone to Michael Stipe of R.E.M., but The Replacements were much better and spawned a legion of followers. The Mats work in the 80s at Twin Tone and in Minneapolis would help to set up the dynamic that would take place in Seattle with Sub Pop. Westerberg couldn’t hardly wait…

With Pearl Jam having recently been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, now more than ever, we should give thanks and praise to the great Andrew Wood, the Captain Hi-Top, Love Commander (it is right to give him thanks and praise). For he so loved rock and roll and that he was forced to suffer, die and was buried for its sins so that rock could be reborn again. May he rest in peace today, knowing that his words still resonate with the masses.

So come bite the apple, my fellow star dog champions.      

Hide your mom. Control your sister.  Yeah.

Can I get a Hallelujah?

A reading from the Book of Stone

anonymous asked:

can you please do an exo reaction to finding out their crush is a huge fan of them?


Sorry It took so long sweetheart. -Jewels



Xiumin

It was the weekly movie night. He had just walked into you house, he would knock but you told him you were going for a shower, he was just about to call your name when he heard you sing, you were jumping around your bathroom drying you hair when your playlist put on Call Me Baby by exo, you started jamming out when you heard a laugh and a flash. You turned to see a smirking Xiumin with an eyebrow raised. You opened your mouth to explain but he had pulled you for a hug. “This makes me like you even more,” once the words hit your ears you were a blushing mess.

Originally posted by mminseok

Luhan

He had just landed in Canada last night, he hugged his coat closer to him as he walked down the busy street looking at the beautiful street life. Once he had gotten his warm drink he sat in the far corner pulling out his phone to check what his crush was up to, he looked on twitter to see that your name was 3rd on the world trending list… he slowly clicked on the tag. His eyes got huge when he say millions of posts on how someone caught a photo of you with his face as your phone background. Without thinking he pulled out his phone calling the number he had remembered by heart. Not even 3 rings, “I can explain…” you whispered. He stopped all your thoughts with his amazing laugh.

Originally posted by kpoprivacy

Kris

He looked up when you entered his dressing room, you were his make- up artist, you had been working with him for years and over those years he started falling for you slowly and hard. He tensed when you walked over, complaining that he needed more sleep because his skin was too dry. He held his breath but still got the scent of you bubblegum lip gloss that was slow drawing him in.  “Y/N!” someone down the hall had yelled for you, you smiled and told Kris it would only take a minute, he let out a huge breath when you exited, his thoughts were interrupted by a ting from a phone, you had left you phone right beside him. He just quickly looked to see your background. “Kris …what are you doing..?” You stood in the doorway, eyes glued to the phone that was in his hand. “So you like me too,” giving you a wink.

Originally posted by beastdw

Suho

You were shaking in your boots, your friends dragged you to the EXO concert that was in your home town. The lights had gone so bright that it snapped you right out of you daze. You were scared that Suho could see you, would he even want to. It wasn’t Suho it was our unicorn Lay that saw you first, he jumped when he saw you, running in the middle of Monster to grab their leader, the boys full of wonder started smiling when they saw Suho jump off stage to get towards you. The music stopped and the concert was full of screams from jealous fans, with a laugh he looked up. “Never knew you were such a fangirl,” pointing out the exo merch all over your body.

Originally posted by loveholic198

Lay

You two finally had a minute to see each other in both your busy schedules, the convo was going smoothly until some fans wanted pictures with the smiley boy. With an apology he quickly stood so the fans could crowd for a photo or two. You just sat quietly with amazement in your eyes this boy was just so breathtaking and sweet, even though the fans crowded him he still would look over to check on you. Your daydream was broken when a fan yelled out: “aren’t Y/N?” You whipped your head up. “Oh my god she is!!! You’re the top EXO fan blog!!!”. Lays eyes opened so far you thought they would pop. After everyone left with the photos, you could feel lay staring. “I didn’t think you were so amazing,” he whispered.

Originally posted by ethereal-baek

Baekhyun

He’d seen you around the set, you treated everyone like family and was kind to everyone. You treated the members like you had never heard of them. It was a great change, they felt they could let their walls down. Baekhyun without realizing fell hard for you, he wish you wouldn’t treat him the same as the others. He wanted to confess to you, but the look you had in your eyes, stopped him every time. He was walking down the hall when he heard your voice. “I don’t know Kai. How do I tell him?” You looked down at your feet. “I don’t think Baekhyun would care that you’re a fan, he likes you anyways”. Kai raised his eyes to see Baekhyun, he winked and whispered. “Well, I guess he knows now.” You turned to see an eye smiling Baekhyun with a deep red blush on his face.

Originally posted by ethereal-baek

Chen

You just wanted to stay in your small, warm bed with you best friend who you haven’t seen in months. You just wanted a huge cup of hot chocolate and put on old horror movie at which you could laugh at. That’s what you were planning, but Chen was taking too long to pick the movie. You couldn’t take it anymore and pulled out your phone, pulling up the latest reactions on the tumblr EXO tag, you began to read not noticing the little shit peeking over your shoulder. “WOW, these things can get really graphic!” You jumped from the couch and looked like your mother had found out after all these years that it was, in fact, you that ate the cookies, not the dog…*different story*  (cough cough) He looked at you with a smirk, “I guess my little crush has a crush on me too,” he pulled you right to his face. Lets just say you’re more than friends.

Originally posted by desiresehun

Chanyeol

This happy virus found you asleep with your headphones blasting through your playlist, he stared down at you wondering how you could sleep so peaceful with music ringing through your ears. He quickly crossed the living room to grab the blanket, he came back and slowly let the blanket fall, covering your whole body. He sat there for a minute or two when he realized that he was down beside you, playing with the ends of your hair. He looked up at your sleepy face when he heard you steer. He pulled a smile on his lips when he wondered how lucky he was to have you in his crazy life. His heart skipped a beat when he heard the beat of Baby don’t cry ring from your headphones, he laughed, thinking that you were a fan this whole time. You slowly opened your eyes to the sound of laughter and saw a tall Chanyeol staring back at you.

Originally posted by parkchny

D.O

Meeting in a public was a major risk for both of you, you both were in the public eye and were watched 24/7. Even with risk you still loved going out in the community no matter what. You had just dragged Kyung-soo to a close bowling alley, he tried to fight it but one shot of those puppy eyes and he was in. He sat back as you jumped around when it was your turn, a sly smile came on his lips when he thought how you’re like his own little vitamin. Kyung-soo eyes widen when he saw you take off your sweater and there was the latest EXO merch shirt. He started laughing and didn’t stop till you realized your shirt and quickly blushed and ran for your sweater. He grabbed your hands and whispered, “big fan, are we, Y/N?” With that you knew you had fell for him all over again.

Originally posted by kyungso

Tao

You jumped on his back when he tried walking away, “ugh, Y/N get off,” he said trying to hide his laughter. “OH come on, Tao! Don’t lie, you like me don’t you?!”. This all started when he called you beautiful, but couldn’t look you in the eye after. Tao kept shaking his head, but all his movements stopped when your phone rang and the ringtone rang through the whole flat. It was a fan made ringtone of him saying he loved you over and over again. You quickly picked up and tried to calm your breathing, “yes Mom, yes I’ll be over for dinner on the 2nd. Don’t worry, Love you too”. You could feel his eyes, you dared to look up, he was smirking it was your turn to be bugged. “You like me too huh”.

Originally posted by ohyaahkkaebsong

Kai

You finally had the house without your rude roommates, you’d been looking into moving in with different people, your roommates just didn’t understand how you thought. You just wanted a calm day of laziness and food. Until you saw you phone light up, it was your childhood best friend Kai, he said that he was in town and wanted to see you. You quickly texted him back saying it was ok and the address. You ran to shower and clean. You thought you had ages before he would come so you put on your K-pop playlist and began to mop the floor, you were dancing to the beat of Growl when you heard a muffled laugh, you whipped around see Kai. “You’re doing wrong, Let me teach you,” he moved across the room to look you in the eye. Let’s say that calm day was full of dance lessons and laughter. You fell on the couch after spending the day dancing, Kai pulled you into his arms. You looked up to chat when you saw he was asleep, “Sweet dreams”.

Originally posted by fy-kimkai

Sehun

You finally found a small, cheap flat you could move into, you were still living with your parents. You walked in to your childhood room with boxes when you thought this was too much stuff to pack with only one person. You picked up dialing the number you memorized years ago, “Sehun I need your help with packing, please,” you said with a cute voice. “Already here Y/N” you turned around to see the tall handsome boy in the doorway. “What are you doing standing there. Help me,” you said looking down to cover your blushed face. You guys almost had the whole room packed when your mother called you downstairs. You told Sehun that it would only be a minute, he nodded and looked towards your closet to pack. His eyes widened when the door swung open to shine light on your dirty little secret. Your heart almost stopped when you saw him pull out a stack of EXO albums. He turned giving you a cheeky smile. “What am gonna do with this dork,” he thought with a smirk.

Originally posted by luedeer

SENTENCE STARTERS: DREAM LOVER (1993)

VERY NSFW. Strong sexual themes, illusions to mental illness, graphic language.

“Can I come up, I mean just for five minutes?”
“She did things to me I can’t even pronounce.”
“I like you, that’s the problem… I really like you.”
“They say you replace every molecule in your body every seven years. I changed my name eight years ago.”
“Isn’t the real question, who are you? Are you really [NAME], or is that the name your parents hung on you?”
“The law? Fuck the law.”
“Sometimes everything’s a clue, and what you think is paranoia is actually heightened awareness.”
“Look, just cause I’m halfway pretty guys look in my eyes and think they know me. Like I’m their fantasy.”
“I’m just a regular screwed-up person. So when you say I’m beautiful it’s like you’re not seeing me at all.”
“You threw away the bill.”
“What if I fly into a rage and attack you?”
“I don’t feel sedated.”
“There’s a flaw in your logic.”
“Is this the end?”
“Isn’t that what love is? I don’t mean passion. Love. Isn’t it an act of faith, loving someone despite having to put up with things which are intolerable. Opening your heart… again and again.”
“No matter who you were, and no matter who you are, and no matter who you will be, I’m going to love you.”
“So we can just keep on doing this?”
“Do you think people are put on the earth for the sole purpose of driving other people crazy?”
“I hope she’s nothing to you.”
“We were impossible. We were like oil and water.”
“Betrayal is not my best thing.”
“He’s a jerk.”
“It’s not easy to find someone like you.”
“Oh, god. I’m already jealous.”
“May you never sleep alone!”
“I want everything! The kids, the dog, the Volvo…”
“You are attractive, you are straight, you are not…. overtly psychotic….”
“What you give off…. it comes off as needy. It’s bad technique.”
“They said I was needy?”
“Can I go back to work now?”
“I just love a sense of humor in a man!”
“I think laughter is the best aphrodisiac… don’t you agree?”
“If you ever set me up with another woman, I’ll kill you, you understand?”
“I’ve never done this before.”
“You didn’t pick me up. We bumped into each other.”
“Something’s changed from last night.”
“I thought we might take a shower… a nice, long one.”
“Baby, let’s never end up like that, okay?”
“You don’t feel alive?”
“Doesn’t life sometimes seem like this… very strange dream?”
“I was afraid that if you knew the real me, I’d lose you.”
“I love these late dinners after the kids are asleep.”
“You have a bruise on your leg. Where did you get it?”
“Do you fuck him at his place?”
“I had this fantasy of coming to your office and screwing your brains out on top of your desk.”
“Is it really necessary to throw a scene every single day?”
“What’s that for?”
“Why weren’t you more careful? Leaving evidence around like this, it’s sloppy.”
“I always knew you were abusive.”
“Aren’t I telling you what you’ve always suspected? What you’ve always wanted to hear?”
“What else do you want to hear?”
“Want to hear how good it was?”
“It was fucking great. His cock is so huge, he makes me come, and come, and come….”
“The amazing thing is, all this time you never expected it.”
“What about the kids? Are they mine? Do you know?”
“Is that all?”
“What the fuck happened here?”
“What the fuck is this?”
“Hi sweetie.”
“How are the kids? I miss them.”
“Want to go for a walk?”
“I married you, and I loved you, and you’re fucking killing me!”
“So everything was planned…. well done.”
“God, you are so beautiful. Ravishing.”
“I want to thank you for saving me.”
“I’ve been sleepwalking my whole life, and you’ve woken me up. I feel alive!”
“You’re fucked.”
“You saw your plan with such clarity, with such ruthlessness. Well done.”
“Let me go.”
“Kiss me, and I’ll tell.”
“Kiss me, and I’ll release you.”
“Who are you? And who will you be when you die?”
“You’re too practical. What about the consequences.”
“I’m crazy! You’ve driven me crazy!”

It happened again.

Castiel Novak mentioned you in a comment.


“What is it this time?” Dean muttered to himself as he opened up his Facebook notifications for what felt like the hundredth time that day. Cas had only just recently found the tagging feature and now Dean’s name is attached to just about every video out there, from “Nifty” videos to Buzzfeed articles to this one video about a cat just flat out falling asleep next to a dog. Cas spends his entire live on the web, but that lifespan seems to be solely dedicated to things like making sure Dean sees every single way to cook a potato in their shared microwave.

He clicks on the notification regardless and watches yet another video about how to make hash brown waffles using a waffle iron and just three ingredients. He never gets around to actually finishing watching any of the videos since they all end the same, but he always leaves a little “like” on Castiel’s comment to let him know he’s seen it. It’s not like he doesn’t mind it because Cas is Cas and they’ve been dating since the beginning of the college two and a half years ago, but this was a whole new Cas. This was Cyber Tagging Cas.

He shouldn’t even be on his phone right now and yet Dean gets yet another notification not two minutes later from the same site the other video was from. That makes 101 and time for an intervention.

Keep reading

Monkey Suit

Group/Member: EXO/Chanyeol

Genre: Fluff 

Word Count: 1196

Summary: . I like you Chanyeol, especially when you wear those mustard stained shorts and those awful t-shirts.  

Requested: yes! Anonymous requested: “ can i get an exo chanyeol fic where he doesn’t take anything seriously but when he sees a girl he likes he changes for her but then shes like no don’t change i hope that makes sense, thank you!!”

Author’s Note: i live for chanyeol fics tbh

-Admin Mel

Originally posted by essentyeol

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Why My Dad is the Most Dad of Them All

My dad is the father of four children, and if every child serves to increase one’s concentration of “dad-ness,” then my dad is at max capacity. I am the oldest, and certainly the strangest of his children (but I got it from him). In honor of Father’s Day, I would like to tip my hat to the best father I’ve ever had.

To be fair, I’ve only had one. I also don’t wear hats, so I really don’t have anything to tip. I always have Cheetos, though. I tip my Cheeto to you, dad.  

Here are just a few reasons why my dad is most dad of them all:

1. He once told this joke:
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Clean your room.”

2. He loves mowing the lawn.
Some of my most vivid summer memories involve my dad stomping into the house with his grass stained clothes, and handing us something that he found in the yard saying, “HERE! I ALMOST MOWED THIS!” Barbie dolls. Ping pong balls. Books. Science projects. Shoes. A lot of slap bracelets (it was the 90s). It made him absolutely crazy. I felt like he would come in the house every day with something new, shouting, “I almost mowed this!! LOOK WHAT I SAVED. STOP LEAVING STUFF IN THE YARD.”

And yet, it couldn’t have been every day because not even my dad loves mowing enough to do it every day. 

One time he came in with an entire basket of toys and dropped it in front of my sister and I. It was full of baseballs, tiny doll shoes, pencils, an umbrella, and various other odds and ends.

“THIS was ALL in the yard. And I almost MOWED IT. YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK MY MOWER,” he said, and stormed away.

My sister shrugged and turned to me, “I think he loves finding stuff in the yard. I leave things out there on purpose. It makes him secretly happy.” 

3. He shares the news.                                                                                  My dad wakes up at 5:00 a.m. every day so that he can read all of the news, and he will tell you the most graphic parts over breakfast.
“Good morning, you will never guess who was decapitated.”

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FIVE REASONS WHY THE WALKING DEAD’S RATINGS ARE CRASHING TO SEASON THREE LEVELS

BY PAUL TASSI, FOR FORBES MAGAZINE


The current biggest threat to Rick’s group isn’t Negan and the Saviors, it’s audience disinterest.

AMC’s plan worked initially, and The Walking Dead put up record numbers as 17 million tuned into the Season 7 premiere to see who Negan had actually during after the Season 6 cliffhanger. But afterward? The show’s ratings have fallen off a cliff in the weeks that followed. They dropped precipitously from 12.5 in episode 2 to now just 11 million viewers in episode 5.

While viewers always drop off to a certain extent after season premieres, this is simply unprecedented for The Walking Dead. Losing over 6 million viewers in just five episodes is not a fluke, and the downward trend may not be over yet. Having just 11 million viewers drops The Walking Dead to a viewership level not seen since season 3. The show was still popular then, but with seasons 4 and 6 averaging about 12-13 million viewers an episode, and season five averaging more like 13-15, this is obviously not the direction The Walking Dead wants to be moving. Season 6 may have indicated a slow decline, but now in season 7, viewer interest is dying off at a simply alarming rate.

So what the hell is going on?

It’s not just one thing, if we’re looking closely. I think it’s sort of a perfect storm of factors, some of which may be out of AMC and the showrunners’ control, while others they are directly responsible for. Here’s what it looks like to me (spoilers follow):

1. Fans Did Not Like How The Negan Premiere Played Out

This would seem to be the most obvious answer, given the enormous drop we saw from the premiere to the other episodes this season. If 17 million people tuned in to watch that premiere, and the show loses 6 million of those in a month, that probably says something about the content of that much-watched premiere.

Glenn and Abraham were fan favorite characters, and it was gut-wrenching to lose them. I’d argue that their deaths were less sad then they were disgusting, with the show not holding back any of the gore from the comic, which is obviously more graphic when acted out in real life.

There was a common thought that AMC wouldn’t be bold enough to sacrifice a beloved character like Daryl, for fear of a fan uprising, but there may have been an uprising after these deaths all the same, if not for Abraham, then certainly for Glenn, who has been with the show from the very start. His death seemed arbitrary, random and also the fanbase already had gone through one “Glenn is dead” scare earlier in the same year. Even if both Glenn and Abraham are dead in the comics at this same point in time, and Glenn’s death was almost identical, fans may be revolting all the same.

2. Fans Are Tired Of AMC And The Showrunners Jerking Them Around

I just mentioned this above, but fans are getting tired of AMC purposefully trying to mess with them, like what we saw with the entire “Glenn is dead but not really” plotline of Season 6, where there was some ridiculously convoluted arc where Glenn was supposed to have been eaten alive by zombies, only for us to find out later he survived by crawling under a dumpster. But rather than creating mystery in any traditional way, AMC used tricks to fool the audience directly, like pivoting camera angles so it looked exactly like Glenn’s entrails were being torn out of him as he screamed (when really they were from another corpse).

That whole arc didn’t sit well with fans (and was made worse by Glenn’s actual death not that many episodes later), but there was an even greater uproar when the show gave us an absolutely unforgivable cliffhanger that had Negan beating someone’s head in during the Season 6 finale, but again, another camera angle change hid the truth from the audience, and it was seen as a deliberate ploy to blackmail viewers to tune into the next year’s premiere.

I can’t count the number of people who have told me one or both of these incidents made them quit the show altogether, and many worry that AMC will continue to pull things like this, given the ratings they’re rewarded with. But as we’ve seen with the premiere, such gains may be short lived, and AMC could be sacrificing the long-term health of the show in the process.

3. Fans Just Don’t Like Negan

I mean, you’re not supposed to like Negan, given that he’s a villain, but there are good villains and poor villains, and over these last five episodes, I have not be surprised to learn many fans think Negan is more lame than menacing.

I’ve talked about this before, but even though Jeffrey Dean Morgan is doing a picture-perfect impression of Negan from the comics, I don’t think that a 1:1 translation of Negan from the comics is actually the best move for his character. His quippy lines, his plastered smiled, his eternal swagger. He comes off like a cartoon character. This is a show that has produced some truly harrowing villains, from the Governor to the Terminus cannibals to the Wolves, and Negan just seems too goofy by comparison.

Also, the show has done nothing but drive the exact same message home for five episodes now that Negan is in charge, Negan is boss, Negan is your world now. That’s great, and necessary for some measure of plot development, but it’s getting a bit tiresome, and the way this threat is probably going to be overcome, a betrayal from within, the uniting of oppressed colonies, seems a bit too telegraphed already.

4. Fans Don’t Like Seeing Rick’s Group Subjugated

Here’s the thing, when over the past seven years you have seen Rick’s group take on every single horrible foe on earth and emerge the group of collective badasses that they are, it’s going to be more than a little uncomfortable to see them being endlessly whipped like dogs by Negan and the Saviors.

Compare Rick’s reaction when facing off against overwhelming odds at Terminus (“They don’t know who they’re f***ing with”) to now, where he’s practically licking Negan’s boots, and telling everyone to like it and expect it to continue for years to come. Take away every single gun from camp. Take away Carol’s drive to fight. Take the show’s biggest badass, Daryl, and turn him into a maliciously tortured PTSD victim. These are all things people don’t want to see, given the arcs to this point.

In this case I don’t think this is necessarily the wrong move for the show, because this is all pretty necessary to set-up the coming conflict, and victory will be all that much sweeter when the beaten-down group finds their fire again and rises up to beat the Saviors, but I can understand why in the moment, it’s hard to watch, and makes for frustrating TV. To see characters like Rick, Daryl and Carol totally losing their edge is just demoralizing, and some may not be motivated enough to stick around and see them get their groove back.

5. Fans Hate How Fractured The Show Is

I spent a long time discussing this last week, but the show just hasn’t split the group this time around, they have shattered it. So far, every single episode this season has taken place in a different location with a mostly different group of people.

Ep. 1 – The Woods

Ep. 2 – The Kingdom

Ep. 3 – Savior’s Fortress

Ep. 4 – Alexandria

Ep. 5 – The Hilltop

And now, episode six, tonight, is a Tara-focused episode. No offense to Tara, but she’s not exactly breaking the streak here, and if ratings go up tonight, I will be amazed.

The show is spreading itself absurdly thin in ways it never has before. And unlike a show like Game of Thrones, it doesn’t know how to tell different stories simultaneously, so it spends weeks away from characters now in this new format, with more or less every episode dedicated to one location only. It’s wreaked havoc with storytelling in Season 7, and could be one of the biggest contributing factors as to why people are leaving.

Bonus: Fans Are Just Tired

I mean look, we’re seven seasons into The Walking Dead at this point. No matter what AMC does, fan interest is probably going to fade at some point. I do believe that they are helping things along in a number of ways as listed above, but at some point, fans are just going to get tired of the show.

We are probably in cycle number five of Rick’s group coming up against a scary enemy, and then working to overcome them, and it’s both predictable, and a little bit exhausting, given how much filler tends to accompany these plotlines. And for those who have added Fear the Walking Dead to their show line-up, we are now over 30 weeks a year when AMC is showing zombie programs. Fatigue does have a part to play in this equation.

I don’t know what exactly AMC can do to stop the bleeding here. They should start moving things along faster so this Negan storyline doesn’t drag out for another two years (which it seems on pace for). They need to try and get the group together as much as possible rather than splitting them between 4-5 locations. They need to stop pulling cheap tricks for audience retention, and going back to creating truly emotional moments in the show, something they’ve been missing for a while now.

But again, it’s hard to know how possible all this is. The show is bound to the source material to a certain extent, and that dictates we are staying in the Kingdom/Alexandria/The Hilltop for eons, most likely. Negan isn’t going anywhere any time soon and it’s unlikely Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s performance will change. I suppose they have to work with what they’re given. But right now, not much is working at all, and the ratings have become increasingly reflective of that.

Update (Post-Viewing): Alright, well that was actually the perfectepisode to illustrate many of the points above.

·         It starred only Tara and Heath, respectively the 14th and 15th most important characters on the show at this point

·         It took the show to a record sixth location in six episodes, this time an all-female group not found in the comics, making them the fifth community we’ve seen this season alone

·         They too have a beef with Negan, projecting an inevitable arc about a community team up

·         The vast majority of this entire episode took place chronologically last season, making it somehow even less relevant

·         Despite going 10 minutes over the running time, it simply wasn’t a good bottle story the way we’ve seen with other split-offs in the past

·         Negan wasn’t actually there but the ever-present, crushing reality of his oppression had a starring role all the same.


BY PAUL TASSI FOR FORBES MAGAZINE

Paul Tassi, in my opinion, is spot-on. Amen. I miss Team Family at the prison.  And I miss the poncho.

Agents of Midnight Walmart Runs

The team realizes that they’ve brought practically nothing to the motel and are forced to make a quick run to Walmart.

Set after the events of episode 1.20 “Nothing Personal”.

Based on a post by http://agents-of-frickle-frackle.tumblr.com/

Read it here at AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/1568525

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3

Hello everyone and welcome to my 6k follow forever!

Not even going to lie, never thought i’d ever get here but oh my god, thank you all so much for following me and supporting my blog! It means a lot to know so many people actually like my blog well enough to follow it so thank you <3

[sorry if I miss anyone out, I promise I love you all ~ <3]

mutuals - bold
faves - italics

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9

ofswansandcaptains’s 2014 Christmas Presents [3/?]
You asked for CS in their new home, with a puppy, on Christmas.

“Killian, I’m trying to wrap the coffee maker we got my parents. Can you get this out of my face and actually make yourself useful?” huffed Emma as she saw the flash go off again out of the corner of her eye.

“You are doing great on your own, lass. And I am being useful, I’m commemorating this important event,” he replied distractedly as he stood up to photograph her from a different angle.

“Me frustrated and with tape in my hair?”

Killian paused for a second, leaning down and carefully inspecting her golden tresses. Not finding any tape anywhere, he pressed a quick kiss to her head and stood back up, taking another photo.

“Come on, Swan, look up for just a second.”

“You’re a pain in the ass, you know that, right?” grumbled Emma but she lifted her head anyway, expression immediately softening at the enormous grin that spread over his face at the small gesture.

“There she is,” beamed Killian, flash going off again

///

“Are you quite comfortable, princess?”

“Warm, comfy and with a perfect view,” smirked Emma, hands wrapped around her hot cocoa as she admired the way Killian’s jeans clung to him and his muscles rippled beneath his well-fitted shirt as he reached to hang another toy on the Christmas tree.

“Minx,” he admonished, throwing her a look over his shoulder. “I knew it was my body you were after all along.”

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mearcats  asked:

Storytelling Friday sounds so exciting! How about "we were friends in college who lost touch but we randomly ran into each other almost a decade later and you're even more awesome than I remember" and also "is my ex trying to set us up?" You're awesome!

@mearcats I hope you like it! 

Killian Jones led a simple life. He worked as a graphic designer and spent his Saturdays sailing. A few nights a month hanging out at the pub, and a game or two at the park, holiday season with his brother and his family back in England. It wasn’t cutting edge, but it wasn’t bad either.

Or at least, that was what he’d thought right up until the moment that fate intervened and he ran into one Emma Swan on a sunny Sunday afternoon. It had been the silliest of coincidences, really. Killian and Tink had been walking through the park, coffees in hand, catching up - and by catching up we mean that Tink was talking incessantly about the latest guy she had a crush on while Killian patiently listened and tried to smile and nod in the appropriate places - when first a ball and second a huge St Bernard came running their way. Tink had been able to jump quickly on her feet - it was as if she could fly, really - and move away; but Killian hadn’t been so fast on his feet and the dog collapsed into him, and he’d been sent crashing to his good ol’ friend, the floor. Killian Jones had experience taking a fall, as his many years as fly-high in the rugby team had made him very acquainted with hitting the grass.

He was trying to get himself up on his feet again, sending murdering looks at Tink, who was clearly laughing at his predicament, when he heard a voice calling from behind.

Charming! Be still, you beast!!”

Killian looked up and he instantly recognized the blonde that was making her way through them. Red leather jacket, skinny jeans and those fierce green eyes.

He hadn’t thought about Emma Swan for years. After graduating from college, they’d all gone their separate ways, with promises of keeping in touch that were kept for the first three or six months, depending how close you were; until real life and new friends and commitments got in the way. Last thing he knew about her, she’d been following her boyfriend Graham to a small town in Maine. But it seemed she was back in Boston now.

Emma’s face lit with a huge smile when she recognized them. Killian got up from the floor as she hugged Tink and then she turned around to him, her arms ready to fuse in an embrace. But she hadn’t reached yet him when Killian felt his balance lost as something shuffled between his legs.

“Charming! Stop it, buddy!” Emma scolded the dog before she faced Killian, a small blush tinting her cheeks.

“Swan…” Killian bit his lower lip, “You’re back in town.”

“After ten years, I felt it was time to come back to the only home I’ve ever known,” Emma whispered, a slight pained undertone in her voice that made Killian’s heart swelled.

The three of them continued their walk together, while the dog came back and forth, his tail wagging as he presented Killian with the ball from time to time.

Emma told them about the eventual fallout in Maine, a not-so-funny tale of flirting, jealousy and almost infidelity that led Emma to pack her bags and leave, taking the dog with her. She’d spent some time in Portland before she finally took a job as bailbondsperson in the city a few months before.

She turned around and looked at Killian and Tink, “So, you guys are back together?”

Tink snorted, “Goodness no, like I could tolerate him that much… we’re just friends.”

“I resent that comment very much, my dear. You’d be lucky to have landed such a dashing companion.” Killian countered, his eyes darting briefly to Emma and giving her a small smile. He’d been relieved when Tink had set the record straight and he was hoping that the brief relief he saw in Emma’s eyes had been real and not a fidget of his imagination.

Soon, too soon for his liking, they were back where they’d first bumped into each other, Emma saying a quick goodbye and promising to try to keep in touch. He watched her go, Charming trotting by her side, taking a little of the sunlight with her.

He felt Tink’s slap his arm and turned to face her.

“Go,” she urged.

“Tink…” he hesitated.

“Killian Jones, you couldn’t get your eyes off of her. GO.” She pushed him in Emma’s direction and Killian decided to bloody go for it.

“Swan!” he called after her.

Emma stopped and turned around, holding Charming’s leash to prevent the dog from escaping.

“Do you still like Granny’s grilled cheese with onion rings and a frozen chocolate milkshake with cinnamon on top?” he asked without even breathing.

A small smile curved her lips, “You remember all that?”

“I remember a lot,” he whispered. “See you tonight at 8 at Granny’s?”

“I’ll be there.” She bit her lower lip. “And Killian?”

“Yes, love?”

“I’m agreeing to a date tonight, right?”

Aye.”

She tasted like chocolate and cinnamon when he kissed her that night.

And she has tasted like that  every single day they’ve spent together ever since, whether they are walking side by side holding hands or he’s pressing her against the mattress late at night, his body worshipping hers.