Request: Hi! Can I request a Jungkook smut where you are friends and he is all shy, literally just being his typical self. One day you go out clubbing/partying together and he gets really drunk and turns into the complete opposite, suddenly full of confidence . Somehow that night you end up sleeping together ;) Thanks in advance!!
I just stared at him, willing him to speak. Just one word, that’s all I wanted. He tapped his pencil on the table and stared at the empty space in front of him.
Knowing that I was watching him, his eyes flickered toward me, his pencil froze in its actions, then his gaze quickly turned back to the space in front of him and the pencil started hitting the wood on the table as it had done before.
I sighed, I hate partner projects.
I looked to my professor who was leaned far back in his desk chair and his legs crossed on the table. His thin framed glasses were balanced on the tip of his nose as he blankly looked at an old newspaper. I silently cursed him for partnering me up with the shyest person in the class. No, the shyest person on the planet.
I side glanced my partner again, “Sooo, we need to come up with a topic for our presentation,” I tried to encourage him to come up with something. Every idea I came up with had been met with a meek shrug of his shoulders.
“Mhm,” he hummed as he was now twirling his pencil in between his long, thin fingers.
I pursed my lips and squinted at him, “Got any ideas?”
He chewed on his lip and shook his head.
I sighed and slumped back in my chair. Every other group had come up with their topic and started their projects yesterday. We were already behind the other groups and I couldn’t figure out how to get through to him so we could catch up.
You know, he’s lucky he’s gorgeous because if he just looked like every other Joe Shmoe in this school, I’d be furious with him right now. Every time I felt myself losing my temper, I would look at his profile and would suddenly feel calm, entranced even. His name was Jungkook. His features were soft and silky. His had a faint hint of a scar below his eye and I wondered how he managed to get it. His deep, inviting dark brown eyes were surrounded by thick, long black eyelashes.
“I was thinking we could—” just as I was about to pitch another idea, the bell rang.
“Pick up from here on Monday,” I finished my sentence.
“Okay,” he said without looking at me, gathering his belongings and standing up from his chair.
I followed his actions and grabbed my stuff, then walked toward the door. I just wanted to get out of this class and temporarily avoid the stress that this project had brought to me.
“Hey Y/N!” a girl shouted my name before I could get through the door.
I turned around to a girl who I’d spoken to a few times calling for my attention.
“Are you going to the party at the bar tonight?” she asked.
I cocked my head to the side, “I didn’t know there was a party at the bar tonight?”
“Oh, well… you should come! It’s gonna be a blast!”
I debated her offer inside my head then my eyes found Jungkook who was stood close to me and I was reminded of the stress of our project and my desperation to get my mind off of it.
I turned back to the girl, “Yeah, okay, I’ll be there! I’ll bring a friend too,” I told her with a smile.
She clapped happily, “Great! It starts at 8,” then she turned to Jungkook, “You should come too!”
He looked at her with wide eyes like a deer, surprised that she was addressing him directly. He let out a long breath then nodded, “a party could be fun,” he muttered, quickly looking down at the ground as he addressed her.
So he’ll speak to her but not me?
His eyes flickered in my direction once more before he bowed his head and ducked out of the classroom.
I took my time getting home. I decided to grab a coffee from the campus’s cafe and take a stroll through a nearby park. I walked until I naturally headed down the path to my apartment and unlocked the door. I called my best friend and asked her to come to the party with me tonight. Of course, she obliged because that girl loved a good party. By the time I got back to my apartment, I only had a couple hours until the party started.
I went into the kitchen and made myself a bowl of ramen and slowly slurped small mouthfuls of noodles. After I finished my pre-party meal, I put the dish in the sink and filled it with water to soak. I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower, waiting until the bathroom was filled with steam to peel off my day clothes then slipped into the shower. I lazily lathered my body with soap and scrubbed my scalp with shampoo, not being in any rush to get to the party. I stood in the shower, letting the water run down my body until it went cold. I turned off the water then wrapped myself in a towel and walked into my bedroom.
I jumped with I walked through the door and was welcomed by my best friend sitting on my bed, fully dressed and ready to go.
“Why aren’t you ready yet?! It’s already 8:30!” she spoke shrilly while flapping her hands around. She wore a tight sparkly strapless red dress that perfectly accentuated her womanly curves and voluptuous breasts which I had always been slightly jealous of.
I shrugged, “Just taking my time. No one shows up to parties on time anyway.”
She sighed and rolled her eyes, “Well hurry up.”
Brushing off her bitterness, I walked over to the closet to find an outfit. I dug through my underwear until I found what I was looking for: a padded black lacey bra with underwear to match. I always put on my prettiest pair of underwear before a party, not because I was looking to get lucky, but because it gave me confidence. I picked out a pair of skin tight black skinny jeans and paired them with a black sparkly top with straps that crisscrossed in the back.
“Aren’t you a little dressed down?” my friend asked me, looking at her outfit, then mine.
“It’s just a bar, I think this is fine,” I gestured to my appearance, “come do my hair while I do my makeup,” I ordered and walked down the hall to the bathroom. My hair was curled and left down to frame my face. I stuck with fairly tame eyeshadow colors— just a few shades of brown which was dark enough to make my eyes look bigger and more defined but not dark enough to make me look like I just got out of a fist fight and lost. I applied a soft pink lip color and a pair of black high heels which made my ass look fantastic. Then, at 9:30, I was ready to go.
The bar was just a short walk from my apartment. My friend was already complaining about her feet hurting and her dress riding up and I just rolled my eyes and laughed at her. I could hear the bass of the music blasting from the bar from a block away. When we got to the entrance, there were lights of various colors strobing through the windows. The music was deafeningly loud and pulsed through my body, filling me with excitement as we walked through the doors into the pool of people.
I turned to speak to my best friend but found her already attached butt to crotch with a smitten stranger. His hands were on her thighs as she ground herself onto his hips sexily. My gaze wandered from her to a man leaning against a support beam with a half drank beer in his hand. He had a sleazy smirk on his face as he raised his glass to me and winked. I groaned and my stomach churned at his hungry expression.
I need a drink.
I struggled to make my way through the crowd to the end of the building where the bar was. When I finally reached it, I slumped against the cool wood of the long bar and took a seat on one of the open bar stools. The music was significantly less intense over here, now I could actually hear lyrics and some sort of tune rather than just bass.
Just as the song was ending, the bartender began to walk over to me. Just as I was about to tell him my order, the sound of a guy laughing loudly caught my attention. I turned my head to where the laughter was coming from and my stomach lurched in surprise.
On the bend of the bar counter, my partner in class, Jungkook was smiling hugely with his hand on a girl’s shoulder. He was wearing a black leather jacket which he paired with a white v neck shirt that showed off a bit of his muscular smooth chest. He leaned in close to her and whispered seductively which made her melt into a fit of giggles and playfully push him away, letting her hand linger on his chest much longer than it needed to.
Just as the opening chords to a new song blasted through the speakers, Jungkook’s eyes found mine across the bar. I froze unsure of what to do next. Should I look away? Wave?
His already dark brown eyes grew even darker as he turned his head to the side and rolled his tongue across the inside of his cheek, a devilish smile grew on his face. He leaned in close to whisper something in the girl’s ear, never breaking eye contact with me. He stepped away from her and he head snapped in my direction. She shot me a glare as Jungkook moved around the bend toward me.
Before I could react, Jungkook was standing extremely close to me, looking my body up and down, “Hellooo,” he drew out the the “o”, “you look ravishing,” he flirted.
I stood there stunned, there’s no way this was the same boy that refused to even make eye contact with me in class today.
“I–I didn’t think you’d show up to this,” I admitted in a fluster.
He turned his head to the side, “Why not? I said I would in class today.”
I shrugged, “You just don’t seem like the party type.”
He smirked, “I only came on the off-chance that I’d get to see you.”
His bold confession made his current state obvious to me, “Are you drunk?” I asked him, brushing off what he had just said. There’s no way he meant it if he was drunk, right?
He looked off to the side like he was debating his answer, then he looked back at me with a single raised eyebrow, “I’m not sober.”
I nodded. Shit, maybe he did mean it. I turned away from him and tried to let my curls fall over my face and block my blushing cheeks from his line of sight.
“Do you want a drink? How about a beer?” Jungkook asked and before I could respond was shouting at the bartender to get him two beers on tap.
I was going to interject but I couldn’t find anything wrong with letting a cute boy buy me a drink, so I said nothing. Especially after this cute boy basically put me through hell during class by refusing to work with me on our project. If anything, he owed me this drink.
“Are you here alone?” he asked before taking a long drink from the golden frothy liquid that the bartender had just put in front of him.
I grabbed my glass and turned my body so I could see the dance floor. I scanned the crowd until I spotted my best friend, who was now grinding on a different guy than she had been earlier, “That one,” I pointed to her, “I brought her,” I also chugged half of my beer.
He leaned closer to me to see who I was pointing at, “Red dress?”
He laughed and took another huge drink, essentially emptying his glass, “She looks like she’s having fun.”
I scoffed, “You could say that.”
Jungkook put his empty glass on the counter then tapped the table with his fingertips as he thought through something.
“Can you take shots?” he questioned playfully.
One corner of my mouth raised, “I don’t mean to brag but, I am excellent at taking shots,” I found myself sending out flirtatious vibes without meaning to.
He raised his eyebrow again, “Oh really? Prove it,” he baited.
I leaned back and put my hand over my chest, pretending to be hurt that he would ever doubt me, “Maybe I will,” I called the bartender over and ordered two rounds of shots of tequila for both of us. He poured the poison into shot glasses in front of us. Jungkook and I both grabbed one glass out of the four sat in front of us and clinked them together before downing the liquid and feeling as if it was burning a hole in my throat since I had no chaser.
I tried to play it off cool and pretend that the shot was nothing but I lost it when Jungkook became a laughing and coughing mess in front of me. I followed him quickly after as my body tried to reject what I had just consumed. Without pausing, we did the second round, having the same reaction as the first. Jungkook called for yet another round of shots, which we both did easily since the damage had already been done from the first two.
“You’re right,” he commented, “you are good at taking shots.
I shrugged smugly. Just then, a particularly loud song started playing.
“I can’t believe this,” I screamed over the blaring music.
“Can’t believe what?” he shouted back.
“You’re actually fun!”
He laughed and held up his shot glass, which the bartender had kindly refilled, “Blame the alcohol,” then the poured the shot down this throat.
I grabbed my glass and held it still for a moment, knowing I needed to slow down before the drunkenness hit me like a ton of bricks, “You’re just so quiet normally, I’m surprised,” I said before opening my throat and allowing the liquor to pass through without touching my tongue.
He shrugged, putting his mouth to my ear so he didn’t need to yell as much, “I like to think that tipsiness shows my true colors.”
We continued talking about nothing for about thirty minutes until I felt the five shots and half a beer beginning to set in. Just as my mind started to get loopy, I heard the opening to my favorite song.
I gasped and aggressively tugged on Jungkook’s arm, “Oo! Oo! I love this song!”
He looked around at the very full dance floor then looked at me suggestively, “Let’s go dance!”
He grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the bar, onto the dance floor. We both began to move our bodies to the rhythm of the music. The alcohol that was tracing through my veins allowed me to forget about any insecurities or embarrassment that I may have had if I were sober.
This song wasn’t exactly classy. It was definitely a booty shaking, boob bouncing song and I did just that right in front of Jungkook. A huge smile grew on his face as he watched my body move and swayed his body left and right.
He put a hand on my hip and helped guide me to the beat of the song. His hand moved from my hip to the curve of my lower back, pulling me closer to him. Adrenaline coursed through my body alongside the alcohol. I wrapped my arms around his neck and closed the gap between us. Our hips rocked against each other as Jungkook looked into my eyes and smiled seductively. I had no idea he had this sexy and smooth side to him and it was making my body get very warm and my breathing heavy.
I wasn’t sure how this dancing was making him feel but I knew I was started to get very turned on at the feeling of having my hips pressed to someone else. His hands were skimming up and down my back, getting very close to my butt but never actually resting there.
The song faded to its end and Jungkook and I just stood there, hips still pressed together, just looking at each other. His eyes were dark and hypnotic, making me yearn for him even more.
A new song started playing and Jungkook leaned his mouth to my ear, “It’s loud in here, let’s go somewhere else,” he grabbed my hand and started pulling me toward the exit of the bar. I frantically looked around for my friend and found her making out with the guy she had been grinding with, in the corner of the dance floor. She seemed occupied, I’d just text her to let her know where I went later.
Jungkook lead me outside into the cold, bitter air. He aggressively pushed me up against the brick wall of the bar and crashed his lips to mine. Drunk and extremely turned on, I immediately began kissing him back and spastically rubbing my hands all over his body. He grabbed at my upper thighs and ass, not being shy about grabbing it anymore. His tongue slipped into my mouth and I tangled my hands into his hair. I ground my hips on his just as I had done on the dance floor and he reciprocated the action.
“Hey, take that somewhere else!” the bouncer shouted at us, causing me to jump in fright and push Jungkook back.
He looked at me and smirk through his panting breath, “My apartment,” he said simply then grabbed my hand and pulled me down the road away from the bar. This is definitely not how I saw my night going.
We walked quickly down the deserted street to a tall apartment building. Jungkook led me through the lobby and into the elevator. He pushed the button for his floor, then pressed me against the side of the elevator and kissed me again, this time less harshly but still just as urgently as outside the bar.
We made out until the elevator dinged and the doors slid open. Jungkook grabbed me again and led me to his front door, opening it with a shaky hand then pulling me through the doorway.
I was once again shoved against the wall and Jungkook firmly pressed his lips to mine, unable to contain his desire for me. Our bodies pressed together and I could feel his hardening dick against me. I ground against the bulge and his breath hitched at the contact.
I grabbed the collar of his leather jacket and pulled the piece of clothing off of his body. He helped by pulling his arms out of the sleeves and cupped my face with his hands and shoved his tongue deep into my mouth. He kicked off his shoes and hiked up the bottom of my shirt and his hot hands grasped my bare waist. I also took off my shoes without breaking the kiss and grappled at his belt and tugging it open.
He broke the kiss and led me to his bedroom where everything was neatly lined up on shelves but the bed was unmade. He pushed me onto his bed and I landed on my back. He jumped onto of me and leaned in to reconnect our lips.
I put my hand on his chest to make him halt, “I don’t normally do this with people,” I informed him.
He smiled, “I don’t either,” then crashed his lips to mine. He grabbed the bottom of my shirt again and this time he pushed it up my body, breaking our kiss only long enough to pull it over my head. His hands grabbed my breasts and I silently thanked myself for wearing my nice bra.
He popped open my jeans and slid them down off of my hips, enough to have easy access to the hem of my underwear. As his fingers played with the top of my underwear, I pulled open his jeans and slid them down his body with my feet. His hand dipped into my underwear and let his middle finger run over my wet fold.
I hummed in pleasure at the feeling of his long fingers on me. He brought his finger up from my opening to circle my clit. I jolted, feeling relief from the pent up desire and moaned into his mouth. My hand cupped the bulge in his underwear, rubbing it. He ground his hips into my hand and rubbed my clit harder.
Sweat gathered at my hairline and I panted, already feeling overwhelmed with pleasure. He pulled his hand away from my center and tugged his underwear off, letting his dick spring free. He pulled my underwear off too as well as his shirt and my bra. His mouth left open kisses all over my chest as he lined himself up with my entrance.
He easily slid himself into me and didn’t hesitate to start rocking his hips. I wrapped my legs around his waist, allowing him to go deeper into me. He thrusted roughly and quickly, desperate to reach his release. I clenched around him, increasing the pleasure for both of us as he pounded into my g spot. He had me whimpering and moaning his name, knowing exactly what to do to make me unravel under him. He grunted and looked into my eyes, his brow furrowing and his mouth hanging open.
We both reached our highs quickly, the desperation for each other made it easy for both of us to cum. With one last grunt, he rolled off of me and laid on his back on the bed next to me. I rolled onto my stomach and looked at his sweat drenched face. He lazily brushed his fingers through my hair and looked at me through half lidded eyes.
It was then that I remember that this was the boy from class who was so incredibly shy that he couldn’t even look at me. How was it possible that I was now lying naked in bed with him.
“I honestly had no idea that you were like this,” I admitted, “you’re usually so shy.”
He chuckled, “I’d like to blame the alcohol but the truth is… The desire, the attraction for you, is real. The alcohol just brought out the confidence for me to act on it.”
“I didn’t even realize we had the same attraction for each other,” I shook my head in disbelief.
He smirked mischiefly, “Does that mean we can do this again sometime?”
I laughed and nodded.
“Good, I’ve got a lot more I want to do with you,” he told me and pulled me close to his body, wrapping his strong arm around me.
I sat silent for a moment, savoring the feeling, “Hey, you know something that you could do with me?” I lifted my head to look at his face.
He looked at me curiously.
“Our project,” I said.
He threw his head back and laughed loudly, his eyes scrunching closed, “Oh yeah, sorry about that.”
“It’s due in a week. I’m begging you to help me with it,” I jokingly begged.
He rubbed the back of my head with a smile, “should we work on it right now?” he suggested.
I contemplated his suggestion and shook my head, “Let’s just do this right now,” I rested my head on his chest and snuggled into him.
He hummed in agreement and pulled me close to him.
We ended up falling asleep wrapped in each other’s arms and come Monday, we finally made headway on our project.
I changed it a bit and made it a College Au, I hope that’s okay?
I’d love feedback on this! Also, requests are open but you’ll have to forgive me for writing SUPER slow.
When I said I was going to bed earlier… I lied. Sort of. I had every intention of sleeping, and then… I just… This happened, and I apologize profusely. (I like both of these guys, this is meant as a joke, I swear. Sleepy Emil just… Yeah.)
“I wanted you to be the last thing on my mind
I wanted you to be the reason I close my eyes
But I can’t sleep
And oh God I wanted to be your high
But everything I said it went unheard
And everything you saw with eyes straight blurred
Became our downfall
Cos you say I drink and I smoke and I talk too much
But I know you lied when you said that you just gotta go and save yourself
So hear me out
You know everybody talks girl
And it means nothing till you let it
But if you keep second guessing then there’s only gonna be one end”
My sleep was interrupted by my phone mid-ring. I had been dreaming, what I was dreaming is lost with time, yet I tried to catch my dream before it was broken up by reality. Ignoring my phone, I tried to close my eyes tight enough to re-enter my world of sleep, however, my phone began to ring again.
“Hello?” I answered half awake.
“Charles! You told me you would be here by 9:00AM! It’s 9:07AM! Are you even ready!?” A disappointed voice shouted over the phone. “We are going to catch traffic! We said we would leave ear-”
“Yes, yes, I’m driving over there already! Give me like 5 minutes!” I lied to halt the attack.
“5 minutes!” Daniella mocked before she hung up.
After putting the phone down and rubbing my eyes, I pulled the covers off my chest. The sudden cold made me shiver. Pushing myself off my bed, I put on a shirt, changed my shorts, and combed my hair without much try. I left my house in a hurry, grabbing my wallet, keys, and phone.
I arrived to Daniella’s house about 15 minutes later. She sat on her front porch with a large beach bag and she wore a beige sunhat that slightly flapped over her face. Inside her bag I saw two towels that stuck out. She did not smile seeing me, but I couldn’t help but smile seeing her.
“Good morning my love”, I said nonchalantly.
She glared at me and said nothing.
“I’m sorry I’m late.” I added.
“Let’s go already!” She snapped.
“We’re leaving, we’re leaving. Are you hungry? Did you eat?” I asked half curious and half hungry.
“No! We are going to hit traffic if we don’t go already!”
I smirked sarcastically and put the car in reverse. The sun had already began to rise towards the middle of the sky. I put my sunglasses on to aide my sight and we headed toward Highway 85. It was a beautiful day already.
“Here” I said handing her my phone. “Will you play something you want to hear?”
“I don’t want to listen.” she rebuttled without looking at me.
“Fine”, I whispered.
I changed the station to The Beatles on Pandora. “Something” played and the opening tune echoed in the car. I looked over at her and she stared off into the valley that surrounded us. I decided to not say anything and drive quietly for a while. We drove onto the 101-S freeway and headed to Carmel. It was the perfect day for the beach.
It had been a solid twenty minutes into our silence induced drive before she extended her hand onto mine. I squeezed it and told her that I loved her very much.
“I’m sorry I was late. I really am.”
“You told me to be ready! I woke up at 7:00am to get ready for today. I was so excited!”
“Are you not anymore?”
“Of course I am… I just wish you had been here when you said you would be…”
“I’ll make today perfect okay? Don’t let the start define the end.”
She looked at my cheek after I responded. I could feel her eyes as I watched the road. She rested her head on my shoulder and changed the song on my phone.
“I am hungry… “ She said innocently.
“I had a feeling you would be. Do you want to stop soon or closer there?”
“Just wanted me to know?”
She laughed and told me to not drive so fast.
“Traffic isn’t too bad, huh.”
“Not as bad as I thought it would be… you still should’ve been here.”
“I know, I know, but let’s just think we’re right on time.”
“Okay… fine…” she hushed.
The weather was warm, not too hot, and not too cold. The clouds were drifting freely in the sky and the wind made Daniella’s hair sway as we drove through Monterey and into Carmel. We drove through the city and onto the bridges that hovered over the sea. She looked out into the ocean with great awe. I told her to take pictures while I slowed down the car. When she would find a spot she liked, I pulled over and we took photos together with the sea behind us. The sun rays laid on the water and the sea sparkled as the waves flowed together in harmony. It was very peaceful.
“Let’s go down onto the rocks!” She shouted with enthusiasm and a smile on her face. Her eyes glowed to the thought of being on the rocks while the waves splashed against them. Hopping over the fence that read “Off limits”, we made our way down the hill towards the sea. Holding her hand, I helped her down to the shore after I went first. She passed me and began to hop, rock by rock, toward the last floating stone. I followed, stumbling a bit, but nothing noticeable.
“Will you take a photo of me?” She asked me as she landed on the final stone. Pulling out my phone, I told her to pose for me. Smiling big and beautifully, she danced rather than posed, and I snapped as many photos as I could. The sea and it’s vastness laid behind her. The wind blew her hair, softly, and the sun made her shine.
“Stand tall and pose like you’re the champion!” I shouted.
She placed her hands on her hips and held her head high towards the sky.
“Good, there we go. Now, blow me a kiss.”
She put her hand over her mouth and blew me a kiss as she crouched just a bit.
I showed her the photos and she didn’t seem to like the majority of them, even though I disagreed with her. She did like some, however, and those I sent to her for her to keep. I saved them all. I kissed her forehead and hugged her tightly before we headed uphill.
“I love you!” She exclaimed before she took charge and ran back to the car.
I smiled and followed her.
I closed her door for her and entered into my side of the car. When I got in, she asked me what I was in the mood to eat. I replied saying it did not matter, but I knew she wanted to enjoy what Carmel had to offer. We headed downtown and looked for a nice coffee shop to enjoy some coffee and a meal.
“I like it here.” She announced as we parked and began to walk on the sidewalk.
“I do too.” I agreed.
“Everyone seems calm, but not very social. I don’t like that.”
“I see it.” I replied.
“Do you think we could live here someday?” She asked while looking up at me.
“Of course we can. We will actually.” I answered looking into her auburn eyes. The sunshine made her eyes bright and they captivated my heart every time I looked at them.
“But I thought you wanted to live in Monterey?” I inquired.
“Anywhere near the sea, Charles. As long as there is a beach.”
We walked, hand in hand, and took in the city as well as the people. The sun was overhead and the breeze was calm. Many families walked along the sidewalk and wandered into stores. Daniella liked to window shop and anything that caught her eye, she chased. We made many stops before we reached a place to eat.
Upon entering the coffee shop, we were greeted by a man working behind the counter. While standing in line to order, Daniella decided on a fruit parfait and I decided to get the same. Nothing seemed as appealing anyways. We took our seats in the small, mellow shop after paying and began to eat without much pause. People came and went as we sat quietly enjoying our food. I was happy she was not one of those people who left as quickly as they came.
“You were hungry!” I joked. “Yeah… I was busy getting ready this morning that I didn’t have time to eat. Thank you for the breakfast.” She told me sweetly.
“Of course, love, wait until dinner.”
She smiled and asked if I was ready to go.
We gathered our trash and she put her bag back on her shoulder. Entering back onto the sidewalk, we thought of what to do next.
“How about we go for the 17 mile drive? I’ve never seen it.” She explained. “I hear it’s beautiful!”
“Let’s go then.”
We got back into the car and headed towards the entrance of Pebble Beach. We paid $10 to enter and I joked that if we said we lived there, we wouldn’t pay a thing. Their luxury is our expense. We will change that soon, I explained, we will live somewhere beautiful, too. The houses along the drive were splendid to look at and she enjoyed driving through the neighborhoods, rating the style, aesthetic, and build of each of the homes. It made her very excited and we drove through the neighborhoods alone for about an hour.
After, we drove along the ocean side. The sun began to descend towards the West, but we still had a good hour before sunset. Well, based on my observation. We made stops at each angle and sight she liked. The sun shined differently each time, but everything stayed the same. It all depended on our perspective. The waves began to rush harder towards the shore and we could hear the smack made by them.
“Let’s sit here for a little bit.” I advised. “The sun will set soon and this is a good spot.”
“Alright. Oh! The sky is going to look so pretty!” She screamed with excitement.
Her smile made me happy. I smiled, too. I opened up to her that I liked it when she got excited about little things.
“Why?” she asked out of curiosity.
I placed my arm around her to embrace her tightly as we sat on a rock watching the waves. Her soft hair comforted my chin and I rested it on her head.
“Because I get excited about little things.” I whispered into her ear. “You remind me what I tend to miss sometimes. When you smile big, I forget everything bad and smile too.” I answered softly and as best I could. It was hard to explain.
She looked up into my eyes and kissed my lips. She told me she loved me very much and that it made her happy that I loved her. I told her I’d love her until I died. Then after that, too. I meant it. She explained to me that she feared my death, even if we were young. She told me to never join the Army and to never go to jail. She couldn’t handle being without me. I told her I wouldn’t do either, and that I could not stand being without her. I would never do anything to cause that, I assured her.
Then, a silence came over us. The waves and the roaring of the ocean filled our ears while the wind began to increase it’s strength. I did not know what to say, and frankly, I did not want to say anything. I wanted to hold her and never let her go. I wanted this moment to be a picture that never faded. She seemed to feel the same and we sat there, in silence, and in love.
The sun began to set and I told her to make a wish before the sun disappeared for the day. I made a wish, too. I looked at her and asked if she was ready to go. She shook her head, “no”. So, I held her closer to keep her warm and away from the strong winds that approached.
“Charles, this is going to be a good year, right?” She asked, somewhat doubtful.
“Of course, Daniella. Think of today as a foreshadow of the days to come. Don’t be afraid of what’s ahead. I’ll be here.”
“I believe you. I’m ready to go now.”
“Let’s go get some dinner, yeah?”
Together, we walked with our backs against the current to the car. I opened her door and gave her a kiss before she entered.
“I love you very much, Daniella, I don’t think you’ll ever understand.” I admitted to her sincerely.
“I don’t want to Charles, just don’t stop.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
We began to drive back home. There was more traffic going home than leaving towards Carmel. I could hear her snoring softly, the sun made her sleepy, and I did my best to drive carefully as not to wake her.
Arriving back to San Jose, I grabbed her hand to wake her gently. She awoke slowly and asked if we were home. I told her we were close and I asked if she wanted to change before we went out to eat.
“I don’t want to go out anymore Charles. Can we pick something up? I know you wanted to do something, but it’s okay.” She asked softly.
“Of course, love, let’s just pick up some sushi and we’ll head to your house, sound good?”
I called in and placed an order for the two of us. She fell back asleep and I parked outside. Running in to pick up our order, I left a tip, and headed back to the car. When I sat back in the front seat, she turned to me, and she seemed to be in distress.
“Charles, I can’t do this again…” she said choking a bit.
“What do you mean?” I asked quietly. Something in my chest tightened up. I was unsure why, I did not know what caused it.
“This! Us! The distance. All of it! We spend all our time together when we can, and I love every second. I really do. But as soon as breaks over, I have to go back to school and you go back to work and it’s not the same!” She yelled as if something was tight in her chest as well.
“My love, relax. Why are you saying this?” I asked with nothing but concern.
“Because Charles, I’m scared! I’m hundreds of miles away and I’m living my life somewhere new. I want to do things I’ve never done before, I don’t want to leave a part of me behind, I want to experience it all!”
I did not know what to say.
“I love you so much Charles, I don’t think you’ll ever understand. That’s why I can’t put you, me, us through this again and again. I never thought of living my life without you, but I cannot keep you because I’m selfish. I can’t do that!”
“Daniella, you’re not selfish. You’re not stopping me and you’re not doing anything wrong. You help me so much, your love revives me like water does a rose. I love you. I don’t want to be without you, no matter what happens or where we end up in life. I don’t want that.”
“Charles, why can’t you understand? You’re so stubborn!” She seemed frustrated, but flustered. Tears began to run down her cheeks. The car began to fog from the inside and both our breaths became heavy.
“Daniella, what are you scared of? That’s what I fail to understand. We have done this before, our love has prevailed over every obstacle thus far. Why are you telling me this? Why can’t you do this?” I asked slightly raising my voice. I grew a bit impatient by the sudden change in her emotions.
“I’m scared of losing you when I’m finding myself. You tell me today is a foreshadow of tomorrow, but it’s not true. We won’t be together. I can’t hold you anymore. Charles, our lives are changing now and it’s not either of our faults. Please understand.”
I couldn’t believe it. It seemed like a nightmare. In those few seconds while she stared into my eyes, with her lips slightly opened, and her tears rolling slowly down her eyes, I felt my heart shatter. It felt more painful than anything I’ve ever felt. I felt like I could not breathe and suddenly I felt sick to my stomach.
Turning on my car, I opened the windows in order to air out the fog we caused. I turned away from our parking and headed back on the freeway without a word. I could feel her heart like I felt my own and something made me upset that she could really want to end our relationship. I wondered how long she wanted to tell me this. I wondered why she didn’t tell me all day. I imagined her with other men and other friends and her smiling for them. I wondered and wondered while we both sat, quiet, confused, and alone as I drove her home.
“Daniella, are you sure? Are you really sure? I don’t believe you.” I asked as I drove with my eyes fixed on the road.
“Charles… I’m not sure. I’m not sure at all. I won’t ever be sure. All I know is that our lives are going in two separate paths. I leave to LA tomorrow and I can’t take you with me anymore. I hurt too much missing you and waiting to come back to you. I can’t handle the pain anymore. Maybe it doesn’t make sense right now, but we will move on.” Daniella replied more certain than before. She didn’t look at me either, her eyes were on her knees, and she played with her thumbs.
I grabbed her hand, brought it to my lips, and kissed it gently. I told her I won’t bring it up again and I told her I wanted to hold her hand until we got to her house. She kissed my cheek and rested her head on my shoulder.
Once we got to the driveway, I told her I loved her with all my heart. I told her I’d think about her every day, no matter how much time passed and I reminded her that she’ll never understand how much I love her.
“Please Daniella, please enjoy yourself. I don’t quite understand why we must give up on our love, but I’ll accept it if it’s what you want. If it’s what you need.”
“Charles, please, just let me go.”
She got out of my car and walked towards her front door. I sat and watched. Halfway to her door, she turned around and ran to me in the car. I opened the door and hugged her tightly. I did not want to let her go. We stayed embraced forever, and then she kissed my lips.
“I love you, Charles. Please, let me go now.”
“Okay Daniella. Okay. But you’ll always be my love.”
She turned around and walked into her home. She closed the door behind her and that was the last time I saw her.
I said I was going to sleep but I lied. I’m lying here and thinking about how much I love rompers but I don’t fit into them because I have a long torso so everything just gets wedged up. Like does anyone else have this problem
I’m so exhausted that when I saw “Behind the Lines” I thought it said “Behind the Lies” and I almost fell off my chair. I think I need to go to bed. I ran out of packing paper so the universe wants me to sleep.
‘Suggest that again in Elder Speech and we’ll end the lesson there. Move away from the window, come back to the table…Ciri, how many times do I have to ask you? Stop waving that sword around and put it away.’
‘It’s my new sword! It’s real, a witcher’s sword! Made of steel which fell from heaven! Really! Geralt said so and he never lies, you know that!’
What I don't get is why put them back together if not too long away shit was gonna hit the fan again. As a Zollie fan, I find it bit of an insult. They deserve better than this.
There are so many more interesting storylines they could have. Miscarriage, bipolar, Ollie’s heart condition…. it seems silly to (possibly) go back to sleeping with other people and lies and all that crap.. having said that, I do believe it will be okay in the end and I hope that end will be summer and not next Christmas like before :((
You felt an arm wrap around you, waking you up from the deep sleep you were in. “Got home late, I’m sorry babe.” Sebastian’s voice said into your ear. You nodded, not saying anything. Your arms ached, the event that took place earlier today to blame.
The first thought immediately came to mind that your arms weren’t covered, your mind jolted awake. You went to sit up, pushing the covers back. “What’re you doing?” Sebastian mumbled, his hand resting on your arm. “I’m gonna go get a sweater, it’s colder than I thought.” You lied, attempting to get up a second time and once again held back by Sebastian.
“Well I could just make you warmer.” He suggested with a smile that you couldn’t help but smile back at. You began to protest as you stood, but he grabbed your wrist.
You winced in pain and from the look in his eyes you could tell he knew what was going on, he could feel the raise in the skin on your arms, he could pin the multiple points together as well. Why you were so quiet this past month, why you’ve been hesitant and just not the same.
He didn’t say anything, lying back on the bed after letting go of your arm. “Sebastian.” You said, feeling a wave of emotions hit you immediately. “You said you stopped.” He said simply. You shook your head, “I’m sorry.” You barely whispered. You sat next to him, “I know this is hurting you more than me and that’s not what I wanted to happen-”
“What did you expect (Y/N)?!” He exclaimed. This was the last reaction you wanted from him, anger and disappointment. “Please stop yelling.” You begged quietly, tears forming in your eyes. “I couldn’t help it you don’t know how alone I felt. You don’t know how empty this house feels when your gone for months on end. I don’t wanna blame this on you, because it’s not fair. But you can’t just sit here yelling at me because your disgusted with me.” You said.
You could notice the obvious tension that had left his body, he shook his head, “I’m not disgusted with you (Y/N), if anything I’m even more mad at myself for not being here for you when you needed someone.” He explained, “But if we’re being fair you had multiple opportunities to help yourself and you never did.” He said.
The words stung, “It’s just something I can’t do by myself.” You whispered. You felt his arms wrap around you and pull you tight into his chest, “I love you (Y/N), you know I’ll be here through thick and then whether or not I’m here physically.”
SCARED OF HAPPY || I never knew a love that doesn't hurt, feeling the heat and the burn. / I'm afraid of nothing, I'm afraid of no one. I used to be fearless. Why am I scared of happy?
SQUEEZE || Dimming the lights, here in the dark, going by feel. / When we're alone, I get so close. Give me a warmth I've never known. Face to face, caught in a wild embrace, this is the safest place I've ever known.
WRITE ON ME || Write on me; color outside the lines. Love the way you tat me up, baby, take your time. / I can see a city sleep, I can see an ocean wave. Everything is changing, and it's written on my face.
I LIED || It's crazy how that four-letter word gets tossed. And I'm guilty, said it so many times before, but I can't front no more. You're the only one showing me the real, you're the only one giving me these chills. No ex in the past could open up my eyes, thought I found the one every time.
ALL IN MY HEAD (FLEX) || Flex; time to impress. Come and climb in my bed. Don't be shy, do your thing. / So tongue-in-cheek when we're laying on roses, but you're touching my skin and you're leaving me hopeless.
DOPE || I'm tryna find the words to show you how I feel and show you that it's real. And I'm tryna find the words, I don't know what else to say, but you're pretty fucking dope, just so you know. I've been thinking 'bout ways that I wanna hold you close, just so you know.
NOT THAT KINDA GIRL || Why you looking like I'm that kinda girl? Just 'cause I'm hot don't mean that I'm that girl. If you want me, don't treat me like I'm her. Don't get fucked up, I'm not that kinda girl. / Boy, I wanna like you, but it's better if you just don't speak.
NO WAY || We got an audience calling us crazy. / Everyone comes with scars, but you can love them away. / When I look in your eyes, I see through to my soul. I know the core of you is good, you're my tarnished hero.
THE LIFE || I like seeing all the white lights. Keep it up, pour it up for the night. / This is the life. / No stress, baby, you can find us getting down on a beach in Dubai, poolside, sipping on a Mai Tai.
WORK FROM HOME || I know you're always on that night shift, but I can't stand these nights alone, and I don't need no explanation 'cause, baby, you're the boss at home. You don't gotta go to work, but you gotta put in work. You don't gotta go to work, let my body do the work. We can work from home.
THAT'S MY GIRL || You've been down before, you've been hurt before, you got up before, you'll be good to go. / Destiny said it, you gotta get up and get it, get mad independent and don't you ever forget it. Got some dirt on your shoulder, then let me brush it off for ya.
GONNA GET BETTER || I don't know why you always think that I'm unhappy with our paradise, that I'm wanting the trees that are growing the green, but you know all I want is you. / I don't need a house and a Benz, all I want is your love.
I’m scared the guy I love will fall for another girl, a girl with hair that blows in the wind and doesn’t get caught in his face when they are cuddling. a girl with eyes that always shine and never get taken over by whatever lies inside.
I’m scared my daughter will see me as a villain instead of her best friend. I’m scared she will shut me out and I’ll have to figure out she’s been going out to clubs putting shit into her precious little body that will only harm her in the future instead of sleeping over at her friends house like she said.
im scared the vicious thoughts I have about myself will somehow become true and I’m scared you’ll start to think about all the things I’ve told you, all the things I tell myself I think are true but maybe I just want to find something wrong with myself because it doesn’t feel natural to be pleased with who I have become. maybe you will realize I’m actually right and I’m not just telling myself this shit to calm my mind.
I’m scared I’m going to die before I have done everything it is that I want to do. before I see real love and can wake up to the person I love even if they are twitching and making it hard for me to sleep but I can’t help but smile because there hands are wrapped around me. before I see the wonders of the world or before I answer all the questions that come into my head at 3:00 am on a Saturday night in my bed when you’re out having the time of you’re life.
I’m scared I’m going to die before I realize I love living.