i said got damn this man is good

The Duck Song (Off Edition)

(It’s Really Long So Here’s A Read More To Cut Down On Spam.)

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Things I’ve heard at work

AKA Things my coworkers say

“Damn, that dog is white girl wasted”

“I should open up a whorehouse in Alaska”

“Quit fat-shaming the cat!”

“So the doctor said it was definitely poison ivy or herpes”

“Fuck the death penalty, I say we go back to hanging people”

“I always thought I’d make a good madame”

“Who drew the deathly hallows on the breakroom table?”

“Okay, which one of you uncultured fucks got blood on the keyboard?”

“Silly rabbit, cyanide is for kids!”

“Damn dude, you got fluffy balls”

“Well if vet school doesn’t work out, at least I have a promising career as a rap hype man”

“Don’t get blood on her dress, it’ll clash!”

“Ball fur is so soft”

“UTI’s are always in season”

“Humans these days”

"I vote for permanent nap time” “I think that’s called death” “And?”

Chapter 23

TREY

*A week later*

I think it’s safe to say that I lost my wife and it’s my fault. She’s been in LA with Mila and Nicki. The kids call me and talk for a minute, that’s about it. Vicki’s been hitting me up, I been ignoring her like I should’ve did in the beginning.

The doorbell rung, when I got to the door, it was Brandon.

“You good man?” he asked and I shook my head.

“I miss her” I said honestly.

“I guess it’s a good sign that she hasn’t kicked you out yet” he said.

“She’s moving to LA without me, I’m already out man” I said and he shook his head.

“Damn. If you don’t want to lose her, you give her the space. Then talk to her. Don’t give up. Let her get her mind right in LA. I can try and talk to her but, you just can’t fuck up” he said and I nodded.

“How is she?” I asked. It’s crazy how he sees her more than I do.

“She’s heartbroken. She’s trying to play tough, but you can only play tough for so long. Oh and mama ain’t too fond of you at the moment. Look for a call” he said and I sighed. “Oh Cam too”

“I fucked up, I need to fix this” I said and he nodded.

KYLE

We ended up staying in LA longer because I wanted to see Mila. Seeing her smiling, happy and laughing is the Mila that I know and love. I was happy when she agreed to chill with me for the day.

“I really love it out here” she said and I smiled.

“Yeah, it’s nice. You remember our walks after class?” I asked and she smiled before nodding her head.

“Yeah, it was something like this, instead you were all over me” she smirked.

“Oh, I want to be but I’m trying to respect your wishes” I said and she nodded.

“I miss you” she said surprising me. I’m jumping on the inside.

“I miss you too. Have you thought about us?” I asked her and she nodded.

“Yes, but being with someone at the moment isn’t my focus” she said.

“Did you let anybody in?” I asked and she nodded.

“I mean, I do have needs to” she said and I shook my head.

“Damn, you could’ve called me. I’m always ready to give it to” I said making her laugh.

“I want to be with you again. I just don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t fully trust you. I can’t be with you if I don’t trust you” she said and my heart broke in a million pieces.

“I’m not the same guy, baby. I learned from my mistakes. I know what I did and I promise to never hurt you like I did. I want us to be a family again”

“Only time will tell, Kyle. I honestly like being able to do what I want, when I want” she said and my jaws clenched.

“You mad?” she asked looking at me.

“I’m just hurt but it’s my fault for even letting niggas get a chance with you”

“You hurt? Can you imagine the hurt that I felt when I walked in on you and some bitch in our bed?” she said and I sighed. “And the fact that I’m even still able to look at you and be civil, while thinking about making us work again, is truly a miracle” she said and I nodded. She’s right. She could’ve left me and took the kids but she didn’t”

“On top of that, I had to watch you love another woman. I had to watch my kids get excited about another woman that wasn’t me or my family. They loved her”

“I know. It’s just different though…”

“How the fuck is it any different? So you saying that you can move on and be with whoever you want but, because I’m not with you, I can’t be with anybody?”

“You’re putting words in my mouth. Look, I can’t take that shit that I did back. If I could, I would but I can’t. I said I was sorry and I mean that shit from the bottom of my heart. I would never hurt you like that again. If you want to talk about it to clear the air. I’m down for it”

“I honestly don’t want to talk anymore about it” she said shaking her head. “You saying I’m putting words in your mouth but you never clarified. Let’s just go” she said. I shook my head.

 

NICKI

I wish Brandon came with us but it’s me and my little man exploring Cali. This is amazing, I’m ready to start my life here already. My twins will be Cali twins, I’m so excited. I really hope that I have twin girls or a boy and girl. I just want my baby girl. I will love them regardless.

“Mom, is this it?” Jaylin asked as we pulled up to the house and I nodded before getting out. I opened the door for him and we walked in house.

“Hi, I’m Kimberly Anderson. I’m the owner and you must be Nicki” she smiled holding out her hand.

“Yes, I’m Nicki, this is my son Jaylin. My husband couldn’t make it but he’s hoping for good news” I said shaking her hand.

“Well, I really hope you like. I’ve been looking for the right family to put in here” she said and I smiled.

“Alright, I’m ready” I excitedly and she chuckled.

“I’m going to start off with my favorite part of the house, which is what I like to call The Woman’s Palace. Basically is a mini personal spa. I spent most of my nights here” she said as we headed to another part of the house. We walked into the room and I was in love. It was already set up with massage chairs, manicure and pedicure set up. I just have to hire somebody to come out every 2 to 3 weeks to do our nails and feet. I love how dimly lit the room is, it’s already relaxing.

“Yes, this is amazing, my girls and I would love this” I said.

“There’s also a game room in the basement” she said and Jaylin’s face lit up.

“Mom, can I see it?” he asked excitedly and I chuckled.

“Yes, don’t break anything Jay” I said.

“Ok, he said running off.

“Shall we continue?” she asked and I nodded.

“We can but, I think I already have my answer” I said and she laughed.

“How about we just look for fun then?” she said and I nodded with a slight chuckle.

“Alright” I smiled as I followed her.

CIARA

I laid in bed, not wanting to get up. This isn’t how I wanted my fresh start of LA to be.

“Ci, if you don’t get up and stop crying over that man. Crying isn’t going to do anything but sank you deeper. What you need to do is get up and show Trey that you was good with him but even better without him. I raised a strong young woman, you have my blood. I know what you are capable of”

“Mom, I’m trying. I’m hurt. All those years, for what?” I asked as my voice cracked again.

“I know you hurt but, you are going to eventually have to build yourself up and get over him or work it out. Sitting here crying isn’t doing anything. You have a very promising career, two beautiful children and a mommy that loves you” she said making me smile.

“I love you too” I said.

“Now, we have a realtor to meet with. And as for Tremaine, you are either going to talk and work it out with him or talk and divorce him” she said and I nodded. “Get up. We got a house to buy”

“You’re right” I said getting up and going to the bathroom.

I really need to pull myself together. I also need to talk to Trey. I’m not sure if I want to work things out with him or if I’m going to divorce but, one thing for sure is that we need to really talk.

After showering and getting dressed, I did my hair before picking up my phone and calling Trey for the first time in forever. I haven’t spoken to him, I let the kids talk to him and that’s it. It didn’t take long for him to pick up.

“I miss you, Ci” he said answering. A small part of me smiled.

“I’m going to look at the house. Then I’m going to take a flight home. We need to talk” I said and he agreed.

“I can’t wait to see you, how are the kids?” he asked. I know he’s just asking this, so he could keep me on the phone longer. But he’s asking about the kids, so it’s only right that I answer.

“They good, they are out with Cam and Zion” I said.

“Cool”

“So, I will see you whenever I get there” I said.

“Alright. I love you” he said and I hung up.

I remember when those words use to have a meaning. I sighed before putting my phone down and glancing in the mirror at my outfit.

“There’s my baby girl” my mom said walking behind me and hugging me.

“I think I’m going to go home after we look at the house” I said and she nodded.

“Good start” she smiled before kissing my cheek.

“It feels like my world is being turned upside down”

“Nothing is perfect baby. Life happens. Imagine living in a perfect world, it would suck, it would be nice but, it would suck. It’s just not realistic. You live and you learn” she said and I nodded. “You ready?”

“Yes”

“Well let’s go buy your first house. Ahh I’m so happy and proud of you” she said making me laugh. What would I do without my mommy?

What's Life Without a Few Dragons

So, I didn’t want to write a part two to Vodka Cannot Kill a Dragon but I did because I’m out of control. Someone needs to stop me. Seriously.

I blame people from Twitter again because I’m an adult and that means I can run away from my responsibilities if I want to.

Also available on Ao3.


“It’s your bachelor party and I’m your best man,” Jace had said. “You owe me to get drunk.”

Alec is pretty sure he’s heard those words before, or something close enough.

He also knows that two things came out of it. One, he got engaged to Magnus, which is a good thing. Two, he experienced the most embarrassing week, maybe month, of his life after that, which was a very, very bad thing. Simon, the living (or dead – or undead, damn this vampire business can be so confusing) proof that vampires cannot be trusted, had recorded him blathering about Magnus’ skills with his mouth (among other things) and forwarded it to all of their friends. For a while after Jace and Clary’s wedding, he had had to deal with knowing smirks and snickers behind his back every time he walked through the Institute. He is not going to make the same mistake again.

Except he already has because before he can register what happened, he’s hammered again.

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2

he was such a good man….

aw dang it, he watermarked the sky with his face again.

i should’ve done lalonde’s reunion upd8 art, but this is too sad… at least he got along with Hal in GO timeline (not counting equius there)

also, even though there’s a heart-warming reunion going on, i kinda feels like there’s something wrong with it? like… i don’t know, something’s off? maybe it’s just me *shrug*

Drunken Wander Prt 2

Nalu Week Day 2: Gratitude

Part 1

“Finally, I finished it” Lucy sighed as she leaned back in her chair. Resting her head on the back of the chair she closed her eyes for a second. She had been able to finish her essay, and with an hour before class started. Maybe she could take a thirty minute nap, it sounded like a rather good idea to her.

“Where the hell am I?” came a groggy voice from behind her. Opening her eyes, Lucy turned her head over to the bed that the drunken stranger she had found last night resided. The man was sitting on the bed clutching his head muttering “Damn, I’ve got a killer headache. What the hell did I drink last night?”

“You’re awake” Lucy said out loud without even moving.

“What the-?” the guy said jumping a foot in the air before turning around and finding Lucy staring at him. “Oh, um, sorry. Am, I intruding or something, did I do anything stupid or something. Please don’t tell me that I just stumbled in her last night and fall asleep on your bed or somethin’.”

“No” Lucy said keeping her eyes trained on the man; she was finally noticing what he looked like. Now that the scarf seemed to have fallen off his head, she saw that he did have pink hair. She also noticed that he looked very nice. With the way he was built he had to be an athlete or at least in some major that required come kind of exercise.

“So, um how did I get here?” the guy asked looking around the room.

“Oh, well I kinda found you drunk and wandering around campus. You asked me to take you somewhere and when you couldn’t tell me where your dorm was I took you back to my room” Lucy said shrugging her shoulders.

“Well thanks, I hope I didn’t bother you” the guy said rubbing the back of his head.

“Other than your loud snoring, you didn’t bother me that much.”

“Oh, uh, good I guess” the gut said running his fingers through his hair. “Oh wait” he said his eyes widening slightly “I haven’t introduced myself, I’m Natsu Dragneel and you are?”

“Lucy Heartfilia” Lucy answered before smiling. Now she had a name to go along with a face, and what an interesting name it was.

“Well Lucy, I think I should thank you for your troubles. According to my friends I’m not a very fun drunk to take care of” Natsu said with a smile.

“Oh it’s no problem, besides you could’ve been worse.”

“No, I insist really. I can take you out for coffee or something” Natsu said obviously not planning on taking no for an answer.

“Well, I guess coffee sounds good” Lucy said with a shrug, though after she finished with her classes today she really didn’t want to do anything but sleep.

“Cool” Natsu said with a grin “What time would be good for you today?”

“Today, you mean like later today?” Lucy asked, she truthfully was hoping if she was going to go out somewhere with him it could be tomorrow.

“Umm yeah, what else would I mean when I say today?” the guy asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I was just hoping we could do it tomorrow, I kinda stayed up all last night” Lucy explained.

“Did my snoring keep you up?” Natsu asked cocking his head.

“No, I had to finish an essay” Lucy said shaking her head.

“If you had to finish an essay, why were you out on campus?”

“My friend had insisted on me coming to her party. So when I was walking back I found you” Lucy explained before pushing her chair out and getting up. Stretching her arms she turned around to him and asked “So umm can you leave?”

“Huh, oh yeah sure. You probably have class soon right?” Natsu asked scrambling to his feet and heading towards the door “So coffee tomorrow at six, at that one close to campus, how does that sound?”

“It sounds fine” she responded. Waving at her before her left, Natsu quickly left the room. Sighing Lucy decided that she better start getting somewhat ready, it looked like she wasn’t going to be able to take that nap after all.

Toxic

A/N: I’ve listened to the song Toxic by Britney Spears for the last seventeen hours (it was legit in my dreams) so this only seemed like the right thing to do. So just…listen to the song and read this drabble I guess. Also damn the gif is perfectly timed

Description: You’re caught dancing to the super catchy and good song Toxic by Britney Spears basically

Warnings: Second hand embarrassment maybe? Idk man this has been me for the past seventeen hours so I’m not embarrassed and if we’re being honest if I hear this in a store I’m dancing to it so…you know whatever

Originally posted by thatfandomnerdgirl

As a hunter there were very few times you got to relax. It was hunt after hunt, so when Sam and Dean said you were all taking at least a week off to recuperate from the last…not fully successful hunt you were glad. Finally you got a chance to take long bubble baths and actually make food, small stuff you always missed on hunts and cooking food was one of your favorite.

There was something about cooking that always seemed to relax you. It was probably the fact that your mind was so focused on this other task that you couldn’t think about hunting, and you were thrilled about that. If you could you would probably cook every day just to forget the horrors you’d seen.

But cooking always left you with time to spare when you had to throw stuff in the oven. This time you were prepared for those empty twenty-two minutes of waiting though. 

Twenty-two divided by Toxic by Britney Spears meant you could listen to the song almost seven times in that interval and feel like a teen again. So with the food in the oven and timer set, you started the song.

The first time it played you just sat and listened, scrolling on your phone. By the second you were mouthing along to the lyrics. The forth time the beginning rolled around you were ready. Wooden spoon in hand and dance moves pretty much decided, you took your stage…well largest empty space in the kitchen.

Predominantly you were just shaking your hips and changing up your arm moves to make it look like you knew what you were doing. A few times you did actually move to lean against the counter or shimmy to the floor and back up, whatever screamed sexy to you was in the running for a move.

When the timer rang, the final song finishing up, you tossed the spoon down and danced over to the oven, glancing over slightly at the door. A scream left your mouth as you rushed to turn the music off, a blush coming over your cheeks. In the doorway stood Sam, Dean, and Castiel.

“Did you just listen to Toxic seven times?” Dean asked the same time you asked “How long have you three been standing there?”

“For six minutes,” Castiel said. You groaned and put your face in your hands. After a deep breath you looked back up and grabbed the ovens mitts.

“This needs to cool before we eat it so you can either join me for one more song or go wait elsewhere,” you said, walking back over to the speaker. Instantly the music resumed and you pushed it back to the start. The beginning hit for the eighth time and you started dancing. 

You smiled and beckoned the guys closer. Dean was the first to join with Sam soon to follow. Hesitantly, not sure how exactly to dance, Castiel wiggled his way into the messy dancing group. You nodded encouragingly at Castiel, wiggling with him. Dean struck posses and nodded to the beat, being as dramatic as possible, while Sam bounced to the beat and shrugged every now and then. 

The song went through two more times before you all stopped and ate the dinner you’d prepared.

8

Willis Earl Beal / The Knitting Factory / Brooklyn, NY / Ocotber 2013 

Had the honor of seeing a new friend pour his soul out with such refreshing honesty.  If you haven’t had the pleasure of hearing Willis’s voice, this is your invitation.  Thank you for the words you spoke last night, they came at just the right time.  Oh, and Cat Power made a surprise appearance.  

“I am Nothing, Nothing is everything.”

3

So, what do you think?

Mmm Ok, boo. You on that good ish now.

Ish? You know I don’t do weed.

Who said anything about weed? I’m talking about you living good. I knew you said it was an update, but damn, I didn’t know how much of an upgrade this place would be. You got big windows all over the place…. I bet yo ass being walking around in the nude and giving the world a show.

*smiles* It’s on my to-do list.

*rolls eyes* So, how are you and Lawson doing? You haven't been complaining lately.

Sachi, I don’t complain… I’m just a little cautious sometimes.

*sucks teeth* Cautious my ass, Sinclair. You’re neurotic and overdramatic as fuck, but that’s OK because you and the man seem to be doing good or am I missing something?

Missing nothing at all. We’re doing great and I still need to figure out when to invite him over to see the place.

You still haven’t invited him over and what do you mean you need to figure out inviting him over? He’s your boyfriend, Sinclair.

Ok, I worded myself wrong. What I mean is when he does come over, I need to figure out what to do for him.; I’m going to put the stripper pole to use very soon and need to be creative about it.

Of course you’re gonna strip for him.

*smiles* I wouldn't have it any other way and speaking of that pole, come look at it.

Fine, but don’t try anything. I know how you are when you’re in the presence of one.