i run to eat

So like, my plan to call in sick from life on Wednesday? Who the fuck are we kidding? I can’t do that. Too. Much. Stuff. Always too much stuff.

I’m sucking at self care. I’m behind on my meds and gonna run out before I can see my doc. My eating has gone to shit. I’m not bathing. Yadda, yadda. And yet, everyone around me still needs me and their needs don’t go away just because I am *yet again* falling the fuck apart.

At least I was effective at getting my extension class transferred today. And very important talk with a friend. And a shower for the first time in days.

Remind me again why I let my life fall apart like this all the time?

concept: i wake up early fully rested and excited to start the day, i go on a run, eat healthy meals, wear nice and comfortable clothes that i feel good in, i go to school to see my many kind friends who love me and would do anything to protect me. i take tests and ace them, i have perfect high A’s in all my classes. immediately when i get home i do my homework and finish it all before dinner. i understand everything i’ve learned. i read and write for a couple of hours before bed in my huge room, full of bookshelves and potted plants, while rain pounds on the window, and then i drift off to sleep….

in another life i live in london with my cute wife and we write each other poems and kiss in yellow galoshes and i can ride trains without shaking and she sings in the rain and in that life when i think about happiness it seems real, like a gift i’ve been promised, in that life i go running and i eat healthy and i never wake up and feel like i’ve been burned into the mattress. in another life she and i read books and share ideas and i never want to die.

Afternoon snack. I’ve been feeling tired and sluggish ever since I woke up and working out for over an hour didn’t help either.
It is also one of those days when it is slightly cold and you can wear your spring jacket, there are rain showers thorought the day, everything around is emerald green and blooming and these kinds of days just make me miss Dublin so much that my heart aches.

I have such a fascination with being alone. I like hiking, running, sleeping, biking, eating, going to the movies, cooking, reading, walking, drinking coffee, going to museums, adventuring, and living by myself. I like being by myself because that is the time I am able to reflect on what I want out of this life of mine and who I want to be. People struggle to understand this. Being alone is such an incredible time to spend with your soul. 

the summer is ending. i feel fall yawning in me, her golden leaves and the time where the air is the most visible. i am trying to take the sun into the colder months but how long will it be before i lose myself again. before the dawn ends. i want to drown myself in a cider cup. i want to take your kisses and use them like lightning bugs. i’ve never wanted so little and so much in my life. i feel like i’m on the edge of something terrible, terrible, and if i just look over my shoulder, it will remember my name and come eat me. i can’t tell if i’m running from something or everything is just leaving. i’m a little unhinged. my lungs are creaking. tomorrow will be closer to my ending. isn’t that true of all of us, you know. we pretend we’re infinite but we’re slowly, slowly unspooling our souls.

Anon: So why doesn’t anyone mention the fact that Jimin and Hobi’s short films for Wings are connected? Like??

A Bard, a Paladin, and a really squishy Druid

Context: My character is a druid dragonborn whose call to Druidism was seeing the majesty of a dragon. She has a tendency to panic-transform into random creatures she has seen. She also only has 9 hp in base form.

DM: you encounter some quite terrifying and strong orcs.

Chao-evil Bard: I use the druid as a shield.

DM: roll initiative to struggle.

Me: *Nat1*

DM: you use her as a shield.

Me: can I roll to transform out of panic?

DM: What?

Me: I’ve seen a crow, a parrot, a kitten, and a dragon. Can I roll to panic-transform?

DM: wh- sure, go ahead. Roll for fear.

Me: *Nat20*

Paladin: critical transformation!

DM: *is done with my bs* roll to confirm a critical.

Me: *Nat20 true critical, the DM looks so angry*

DM: …fine. In a somehow critical transformation, the druid you were using as a shield transforms into a half-sized dragon in front of you. Roll strength to hold on.

Bard: *giving me the most angry look, rolls a 3* fuck.

Me: *shit eating grin* i intimidate the orcs into running away.

DM: just fucking roll, man.

*the paladin is cackling*

Me: *rolls a 17*

DM: *sighs* the orcs flee, two of them piss themselves, and they drop some of their gold and equipment on the way out.

Paladin: that was SPECTACULAR.

Bard: I hate you so much.

There’s a beautiful man reading a book in the field behind Zhenya’s backyard. The field is technically Zhenya’s property, but he never bothered to do anything with it. At first he thinks he’s dreaming. Then, after studying the guy’s clothing, looking as if he stole from the set of Little House on the Prairie, he thinks he’s seeing ghosts.

“Are you ghost?” Zhenya asks, reeling Jeffrey in, who is suddenly very interested in bounding over to the man and—sniffing him or mauling him, Zhenya isn’t too sure. “Please say no.”

Keep reading

1.) self love is so important. i’ve struggled for years w how i see myself, with how i looked at my body, simply with how i treated myself. sometimes we have this idea of “perfection.” and we set an unrealistic goal to get there and usually, it’s not so plausible because the idea of perfection is simply unreachable. BUT, what i have realized is that happiness and confidence are, in fact, reachable. instead of striving for perfection, strive for your healthiest range. strive for feeling good, strive for contentment. i’ve started working out and running and eating healthier every single day and i feel gooood! emphasis on the good. i threw away the idea of perfection and brought in the idea of a happy, healthy, me and i feel so much better than before. baby steps. try to feel better today than you did yesterday, you will get there.

2.) the world is cruel. it can knock you down- it WILL knock you down. but that does not make you weak. having feelings does not make you weak. hurting and needing someone does NOT make you weak. it makes you strong, because you have a heart and something hurt it. don’t view that as weak, view it as a sign of life. you are human. we all are. we are wired for imperfection and mistakes and emotions that don’t always make sense and it is okay for you to reach out for help! in fact, i encourage everyone to do so because everyone could use a little help now and then, whether they will admit it or not.

3.) there is more to life than yourself. often times when i’m hurting all i can see is my little bubble. my own little world of hate, but there is always more to life than that. when tragedy strikes, it always shapes us, whether in good way or bad a way, it does. so when you are hurting i encourage you to go outside, look around you, and breathe. realize there is more to life than right now. realize there is more to you, than right now. you are not done growing. you are not done learning. so keep pushing forward. break out of the bubble of hurting once you have properly felt it and allow yourself to heal- you deserve it. you will always deserve it

—  three lessons i have learned all on my own
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you’re the best thing to wake up to